#numberninetyone

so scandalous caroline

I'm trying to think of a witty reply but then I decided that I can't be witty after 11:30 pm

yes

MAYBE

bless you

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

what even is my favorite movie 

you know I don’t think it matters because I can’t remember the first time I saw any harry potter until like the sixth one and I can’t remember the first time I saw the princess bride the only movies I remember seeing for the first time are ones I’ve seen within like the past two years or so that’s actually kind of sad wow

the memories all just blur together3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

oh man um? They were really nice and I just wanted to talk to them for a really really long time and do stupid stuff like slow dance like middle schoolers do with the waddling keeping them at arms’ distance but then I wanted to be closer than that and I wanted to sit next to them and rest my head on their shoulder and just sit in the silence

I feel like sitting in silence is pretty romantic, when both of you feel comfortable just being there with each other. That’s nice.5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

well my birthday this past year happened the day after I had a sleepover that was VERY NICE that was actually the birthday party of a girl who has the same birthday as me! so that was cool

and my mom used to come up with the best birthday party ideas I had one that was in a whole foods cooking class room and we just dipped things in chocolate that’s it that was the party dipping stuff in chocolate

that was pretty great7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

Not sure really what that is hm I’m sometimes afraid I come off as really arrogant and I’ve hurt people’s feelings by saying stupid stuff without thinking? and I hate that a lot and I try not to but the fact is that I’ve done it and I still feel guilty because man I’ve spoiled nights for people and I’m sorry and also schoolwork makes me feel awful about myself because I know I’m smart like I’m really smart but I procrastinate so so much and I don’t put all the effort I could into anything ever and the grade I remember getting on essays last year was a C because I always wrote them entirely on the night before they were due

I hope to change that this year

and I just don’t put effort into things? I often don’t ever want to look at my work again after I turn it in. I can’t bring myself to edit my own work, sometimes. When I record myself playing an instrument or singing, I don’t like listening to it. I don’t like watching myself dance. All I see is how bad I was, and not how good it is or how far I’ve come.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

excuse u I like pretty much everything about my body it’s pretty great

I mean I would like to not have any acne whatsoever and the circles under my eyes and the shape of my nose get to me, but I like the rest.

I like my calf muscles I’m really proud of those- they come from all the years of ballet I did, and they are great, and I like my feet, which are the envy of a lot of dancers what with my high arches, and I like my figure a lot. I like my hair, I like my eyes, I like how I shot someone a look when they told me to do something and they gave me the name miss soul-piercing-eyes that really made me feel accomplished

I think my hands are pretty ok and my arms too I like how I can hyperextend my arms and that grosses people out  I like how scars fade pretty fast on my arms, how you can no longer see the four crescent shaped marks from a couple years ago that were on my left forearm, how the burn on my right is fading, and how the burn on the underside of my right is as well, but it’s from this summer so it’ll take longer. 

I like how I can curl my tongue and I can whistle and I can cross my eyes and make them vibrate. I like the control I have over my movements. I like my body. It’s pretty great.11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

I rarely remember my dreams? the recent ones I can remember are all taking one detail of life and spinning it grotesquely, for instance I made a ring with a bezel that has a lab grown sapphire in it and I dreamt that the stone slipped out and I put it back in and I tried to make it stay but it cracked and kept falling out that was actually not a good dream it was extremely frustrating13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

oh boy ok well I’ll probably be leading it for the most part? in the past I have kept hands away from my crotch as a general rule, so I imagine when I let someone into my pants for the first time it’ll be with the reins in my hands. There will be protection. It’ll be awkward, but we’ll work through it and it’ll be nice. It might be timid, but the second time there’ll be laughter, if not the first. that’s all I got.15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

whenever I’m with people I care about and we’re all happy and just sitting there do I have a thing with companionable silence maybe I do

I also like ginger tea and basically any spiced tea and poems and rain and wind and cold

sitting in a tree at night on december twenty-first of last year. it was cold, and I had no socks or shoes on, and I made someone get my jacket for me because I was wearing a short sleeved shirt. I laid down on the branch and the wind blew and it was cold and there were stars, and I felt so alive, and so peaceful and wild at the same time. That was nice.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

that I’m not already friends with? hm well I’m not sure

generally new friends just sort of happen I don’t really plan these things, nor do I typically sit on the sidelines when I want to make a new friend

there’s a couple people from summer camps that I wish I was still in contact with, though.19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

I died and was reborn.

jk I moved across oceans 

same thing right21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

all the time bitches be fallin at my feet yo

that’s only a little bit of an overstatement

um one guy sent me a love poem and called my house five times23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

hasn’t happened

probably because I’ve never asked anyone out25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

she had the same first name as me and smoked weed, and she was only a friend. who had a crush on me for a time. she could also apply to number 21

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

oh god we’re getting into uncomfortable territory huh

hair I like a lot of people’s hair I like playing with hair and I can untangle tangles faster than pretty much anyone

also eyes eyes are great and faces in general and mouths and hands and collarbones um

jfc i haven’t kissed anyone since fucking january

29: Talk about what turns you on.

thinking about what I did in january, among other things

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

slow fade to black. a creeping cold numbness that sets in and wills you to sleep, to dream the never ending dream.33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

I bottle up my emotions and cry silently by myself and write lots of angsty stuff and listen to music that makes me feel like a stone cold badass instead of the sad person I am 

sometimes I talk to people about it that’s always good35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

procrastinating, messing up, not caring enough, caring too much, being mean, being hypocritical, being pessimistic, being realistic, being existentialist, letting people get to me, seeing banter as a fight, scaring people and getting them to respect me or be scared of me or just leave me alone, walling myself up in a big black cloud of angst37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

she was beautiful and I was full of questions and so, so nervous.39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

DO IT OR NO COOKIES

oh yeah you and what cookies

well ya learn something new everyday i guess