#nqff

things moving on, them finding their new normal. everyone ignoring the elephant in the room and pretending nothing's changed.

neil acting like king shit. like he's got it fucking made.

knows, he won't be the one changing diapers or doing late night feeds or rocking the baby to sleep.

he won't be the one actually dealing with the thing.

instead, he'll just get to be proud.

him and susan will be a real married couple with a child that's actually theirs, and he'll have a wife that can do all the work and won't fight him at every turn.

he'll get the perfect kid.

the kid of dreams.

a child that looks up to him and respects him.

he'll raise them right.

the second trimester starting. reality starting to hit.

changing tables, cribs, strollers, diapers, and clothing costs being so much more than when billy and max were born, and it taking no time for neil to start pulling his hair out over the price of things.

one trip to the local baby shop has him kicked out after yelling at a staff member and demanding to see their manager while susan stands beside him, red faced and barely holding herself together, clutching her handbag close and doing her best to calm him down as they get escorted out.

billy and max watching the trainwreck slowly unfold, listening on as neil rants and raves about how how hard he has it, being the sole provider for an ungrateful family.

them trying to figure out how all of this is going to settle when everything inevitably falls into chaos.

billy hinting at moving out.

max punching him in the arm, glaring at him when he tries to reason that he's eighteen now–he can leave.

"we're meant to be a team now, asshole," she bitches back, thinking up three different ways to murder him if he abandons her in this shithole alone.

billy rolling his eyes.

susan getting classed as high risk due to her age and a few complications. running a few extra tests and taking a few extra precautions, then finally hitting the 20 week mark. getting a rough idea of the sex.

the nurse stressing that she can't get a clear look, the baby being as active as ever, and therefore can't make any official announcements, but neil disregarding her and turning to susan, proud as hell.

they're going to have a daughter.

"at least it's not a boy–" neil says, voice relaxed, digging into his dinner that night. "–after my last screw up of a son."

billy grinding his jaw.

neil looking over at susan, completely oblivious, an easy smile on his face. "we're going to have a real daughter."

both billy and max sitting there and looking at each other like you hearin' this shit?

susan staring a hole into her dinner.

neil going on, saying how he might finally get a child he can talk about, a child that he can mention to his co-workers and not have them look at him with judgment in their eyes, everyone in town knowing the name billy hargrove, and max starting to make a name for herself the older and more rebellious she gets.

the third trimester coming in swinging and neil enlisting billy's help to go pick up some secondhand furniture.

turning to him during the car ride and clasping a hand on his shoulder, telling him he's old enough now to go out on his own. that it's time for him to move out. that he can't rely on him and susan forever.

billy being pissed.

"are you kicking me out right now?"

neil saying some bullshit about how it's time for him to grow up. to learn self-reliance.

billy laughing, but it's harsh. "you need room for the fucking baby, don't bullshit yourself."

billy moving out, him and heather renting a place together a few blocks over. max being pissed as fuck.

billy letting her pick out the secondhand couch, telling her to make sure it's comfortable 'cause that's where she'll be sleeping when she crashes there.

the baby coming, and it being a boy.

a son.

neil walking out into the waiting room, face blank, looking at his two eldest kids–pissed. billy and max turning to each other like oh fuck. this kid's been in the world five minutes and they're already on neil's bad side.

susan and neil having only been prepared for a girl, from the name to the clothes to the painted nursery walls.

max holding the baby awkwardly in her arms while susan cries and neil stands off to the side, arms folded and face tight.

billy trying to get the fuck out of dodge before he has to either hold the kid or deal with his dad losing it. offering to go home and re-paint the nursery. blue or some shit. try and find some pink-free onsies and singlets and socks to bring to the hospital.

max jumping in and saying she'll help, trying to pass the baby back to her mom.

susan looking at billy with tears in her eyes, lifting the baby towards him. "don't you want to meet your brother?"

billy being awkward as fuck about it, trying to make excuses. "the paint–the fumes. should get on that so that we can air the room out–"

"meet your brother, son," neil cuts in, clearing his throat and stepping forward.

billy picking up the baby in the most awkward way possible, struggling to hold him right. the baby wailing the second he touches them.

susan sniffling, saying he's probably just hungry, then moving to adjust her hospital gown and blanket. billy taking one look at her getting her chest out and basically throwing the baby at her, half out the door.

"jesus, fuck–let's go," he says, grabbing max's arm on the way out.

repainting the nursery and sorting through baby shit with heather and el's help. finding receipts to see what can be returned and exchanged, and which things they'll just have to make do with.

susan deciding to name the baby andrew, taking neil's middle name. neil softening a bit at having a namesake.

billy and max screwing their nose up at the choice and deciding the poor kid's already suffering enough, with having neil for a dad and all, and he probably doesn't need to be named after him, too.

testing out nicknames and eventually landing on AJ.

neil fucking hating it.

susan trying to be positive, saying she thinks it's nice that the kids already have a nickname for him.

susan and the baby coming home from hospital and reality hitting for real.

neil never lifting a finger, and susan doing her best to keep the household running. putting dinner on the table, keeping up with the washing, making sure the house is clean enough that neil doesn't trip over any baby toys, looking after a newborn, as well as trying to recover and look after herself.

fucking exhausting herself.

billy coming around for weekly dinner's after max twists his arm into it, claiming he owes her for leaving her in that nightmare house alone.

neil being surprisingly supportive of the idea, because for some reason, he's been suspiciously chill with him since he moved out, like a little bit of growing up and a whole lot of distance was all they needed to not be at each others throats.

billy sitting at the kitchen table and watching susan plate up neil's dinner, a crying baby craddled in her free arm, looking close to collapsing. raising an eyebrow at max.

"all week?" he mouths.

"all week," max nods, confirming.

AJ being a high maintenance baby. barely sleeping through the night, and being fussy as fuck when it comes to feeding. crying most of the time, and hating being put down. clingy as hell.

billy and max watch on one night like. damn, he's a brave little fucker, screaming his way through neil's nightly beer.

neil glaring at susan from his seat on the couch then giving her a look. susan doing her best to calm AJ down.

max crashing at billy and heather's more often than not, not wanting to deal with the chaos at home. neil making snide comments about it, saying she should be helping her mother out and looking after her brother.

max throwing back in his face that maybe he should get off his fucking ass and help his wife out and look after his kid.

billy watching the fight break out and grabbing her before it escalates, dragging her into his car, making up some excuse about her crashing at his again tonight.

the four of them sitting down for dinner when AJ's almost 12 weeks old, him napping in his bassinet for once. susan managing to get two bites in before he wakes up, crying.

max offering to go get him but neil telling her AJ's fine. that he needs to learn how to self-soothe.

susan swallowing silently before quietly explaining that he's too young to self-soothe, that he needs to be checked on. pushing her dinner away and going to get him.

billy thinking about how he hasn't seen susan eat more than four bites of dinner before having to go deal with AJ since they came home from hospital.

pushing himself up and telling her to sit, that he'll go check on AJ while she eats

neil stopping him, telling him to sit. that susan's got it.

billy ignoring him, saying some shit about having had a late lunch anyway.

susan looking at him with so much fucking relief. collapsing back into her seat and finishing a still warm meal for once.

billy going out to check on AJ, craddling him in his arms the way susan's taught him, and AJ actually calming slightly.

max living at billy's and heather's basically full time, claiming she needs the peace and quiet to focus on her school work if she wants to get into college.

she has her couch, a spot at the table, and her own key.

it's basically home now.

susan covering for her whenever neil gets shitty about it, no matter how overwhelming it feels.

knows having a baby was a mistake, no matter how many times she tries to convince herself otherwise.

she's just glad max has somewhere to go. knows for as much as her and billy don't really get along, they usually can mostly agree on max.

billy offering, one day, when susan looks like she's at her limit, to watch AJ for an hour or two. give her a break.

neil dismissing him, saying susan's got it handled.

susan looking at billy like she's begging him to ignore his dad, just this once.

billy doubling down, saying he'll grab the stroller and take AJ down to the park for a while. get him out of the house. smirks and says chicks dig a guy with a baby.

max snorting. "what, you trying to pick up hot single mom's in your area? you gonna be the step dad, or the dad that stepped up?"

billy flipping her off, telling her to go fuck herself.

it becoming a thing–billy babysitting.

it starting with just some local park trips, some walks around the block. sometimes just hanging out with AJ in the living room while susan catches a 45 minute nap. then it grows to taking him for the day, bringing AJ to his and heather's apartment. AJ staying for dinner. buying baby supplies for their apartment. a high chair. a boomerang pillow for the couch. toys. diapers. a baby towel with a hood.

heather turning to him one night, AJ crawling over her lap while she finishes her homemade margarita. "when you asked me to move out with you, this isn't what i thought it'd be like."

billy feeling guilty, like he's fucking up her life, bringing down the vibe with a baby and a moody teenager.

heather rolling her eyes. "chill. max is badass. AJ's cute when he's sleeping. i'd take this over college any day."

susan and neil having a fight one night, billy and max watching on while AJ screams in susan's arms.

max taking him while billy starts cleaning up the kitchen.

neil storming off to their room while susan stands in the kitchen, crying.

it being awkward as fuck.

max looking at billy like fix it.

billy looking at her right back like what the fuck am i gonna do?

max shrugging but sticking out AJ who's propped on her hip a bit, like i've got the crying baby, so you deal with the crying adult.

billy glaring at her before turning to susan.

"are you, like, okay and shit?"

susan trying to pull herself together. crying harder.

"yeah, neil has that effect of people," billy says plainly, turning back to the dishes.

offering to take AJ for a little bit, and susan perking up, clearing her eyes. asking timidly if billy could take him for the night.

billy trying to get out of it, making every excuse he can think of. he doesn't have the space or the bottles or formula, doesn't know his night routine. can't take him for that long without her being there to swoop in if he loses it.

susan handwaving every single one. taking AJ from max's arms and taking him over to billy.

"i really can't," he says, voice resigned. knows it's already a lost battle.

"i trust you, billy. please."

billy running a hand down his face, sighing. "if i'm taking AJ for the night, i'm dragging max into this too."

susan agreeing. packing a baby bag and walking them all out. standing on the front porch and watching on as they pull away.

AJ staying at billy's overnight becoming a regular occurence after that, susan almost a shell of herself these days, and neil too in denial to admit his family's a broken mess.

AJ turning one. being cared for by billy more often than not, max too.

billy not even knowing how this became his life. he had plans. he was gonna go places. sure, college was never in the cards for him, but he was meant to go back to california. to go home.

but, he's still here.

hating himself for it.

months passing.

billy dropping max off at school one morning then heading to his dad's and susans, ready to drop AJ off after having him for two nights. eyeing neil's car in the driveway, finding susan's little town car nowhere in sight. pushing down the sinking feeling that starts to grow and grabbing AJ from the backseat, as well as the baby bag.

walking in and seeing neil sitting in his chair.

"why aren't you at work?"

neil not answering, taking a swig of his beer.

billy checking the time. 8:47am.

putting AJ down.

AJ crawling around, looking for his mom.

"where's susan?" billy tries, eyeing the rest of the house.

neil taking another drink.

"dad, where the hell's susan?" he tries again, leaning down to pick AJ up when he crawls back and sniffles, upset.

"gone," neil finally answers, staring at the blank tv. "she left."

"what the hell do you mean 'she left'?" billy asks lowly, bouncing AJ on his hip.

susan walking out, not being able to handle it anymore.

neil, a baby, a distant daughter, a mess of a step-son.

she can't. can't deal with the weight of it all.

billy losing his shit, telling neil to get her back. doesn't care how or why, just as long as it happens.

"fucking find her then, okay? i've got a job and a life, and i'm sure as hell not raising your fucking kid," he pushes out, feeling hot. can already feel the situation spiraling out of control and he's only been stuck in it for five minutes. "get your shit together and find susan, or figure out real quick what it takes to be a dad. your choice."

taking the day off work so neil can sober up and get himself together.

trying to figure out the max of it all. judging by the lack of teenage tantrum or phonecall, she probably doesn't even know her mom's bailed yet.

going to neil's first thing the next morning and asking if there's any word.

neil saying she took all her things and cleared out half their bank account, but there's no note, and the only family member he could get a hold of told him to stay out of their lives before hanging up.

"if you don't get susan back, then it's on you to tell max, 'cause i'm sure as fuck not telling her her mom split."

max reading the room as soon as she walks in that night, asking what happened.

"where's mom?"

neil trying to keep his shit together. doing a shit job of it.

billy taking over, remembering how badly his dad handled telling him his own mom had walked out all those years ago. figures max doesn't need to hear whatever pathetic excuses neil tries to bullshit.

max going silent. mad. blaming them both. searching her room that she barely sleeps in anymore for a note or a clue. anything her mom could've left her. finding nothing. yelling about it until she exhausts herself, then stomping off to billy's car and throwing herself in the front seat.

billy following shortly after, clicking AJ into his carseat in the back before driving them all back to his and heather's.

max refusing to speak to him the entire drive.

billy giving her space. half 'cause he thinks she needs it, half 'cause he has a million other things on his mind, mainly AJ, and he doesn't have the brain capacity to deal with her newfound abandonment issues.

going to his dad's the next morning with AJ to drop him off.

neil saying he can't look after him, he has work.

billy laughing. "tough. you had 48 hours to sort out childcare. figure it out."

walking out and closing the front door behind him. having a panic attack.

there is not a single world in which his dad should be looking after a baby by himself. he'll probably kill it. and now billy's just going to leave him alone with one? to prove a point?

forcing himself to walk away and go to work.

being unable to stop thinking about what could be going wrong.

caving on his lunch break and driving to neil's.

finding them both a mess, AJ red faced and screaming, completely out of sorts, and neil looking beside himself, so far out of his depth it's almost a joke.

grabbing AJ and calming him down with some formula and his favourite toy, then turning to his dad. telling him that they're going to take it a few hours at a time until everyone adjusts, for AJ's sake, but that he's going to have to step up and learn how to be a dad soon, 'cause he's not raising his brother.

it being a slow process and neil never becoming father of the year, but he finds a daycare and works out how to use formula.

billy still looks after AJ more often than not, but neil's no longer completely incapable.

max coming around slightly, still the same as always with AJ, and at least talking to billy. her barely acknowledging neil, though.

moving into billy's unofficially.

billy giving up and switching rooms with her, giving her his room 'cause he's up most nights with AJ anyway, and the lounge room's closer to the kitchen than the bedroom.

things slowly getting tenser as weeks pass, neil's mood building.

max in her last year of school, AJ just over a year old, and billy being pulled in what feels like a million different directions. trying to figure out his future.

neil constantly complaining about how much time he wastes looking after AJ. how he can't do anything without him screaming or crying or getting sooky or whiny.

billy ignoring it, telling himself as long as AJ has a roof over his head and is getting fed and clothed and cared for, then everything's fine. it's not like his dad's going to snap at a baby.

more weeks passing, neil losing his patience with AJ more and more.

billy watching on and feeling sick, but being so fucking stubborn. AJ's not his responsibility, neil can dad the fuck up and get over it. he's not cancelling his plans or moving his work shifts or asking max to babysit just so neil can watch the game in peace. fuck that.

leaving AJ with neil despite his uneasiness, telling himself that nothing bad's going to happen.

heading over to pick up AJ one afternoon and neil being in a foul mood.

walking in and the air being tense. making his way to the kitchen to find AJ in his high chair, neil trying to feed him.

AJ not having it and pushing the spoon away, crocodile tears running down his cheeks.

neil yelling at him to eat the damn food. that if he doesn't eat it, he won't get fed.

AJ crying harder.

billy stepping in, trying to make peace.

AJ seeing him and instantly reaching out for him, borderline inconsolable.

neil snapping, losing his temper and going on about how he's the dad, he's the one putting food on the table and a roof over his head, he's the one sacrificing his time to look after him, and yet all AJ wants is billy. grabbing the high chair by the sides and slamming it repeatedly before once last final push, then shoving it over harshly.

the highchair going over sideways, AJ in it but not strapped in properly.

the kitchen falling silent, AJ finally having stopped screaming, out cold, and billy staring at his dad in shock.

neil looking at him right back, like he doesn't even know what happened.

billy unfreezing, running to AJ to check on him.

rushing AJ to hospital, getting him checked out professionally.

minor bruising but no obvious damage. a hard knock to the head. the hospital wanting to keep him over night for observation. asking billy what happened.

billy stumbling. not knowing what to say.

if he tells the truth, then what the fuck's gonna happen?

are the authorities going to take neil away? take AJ away? will it even be enough for the authorities to step in? or will it just make everything more complicated.

thinks, if he lies though, what if it happens again? what if it's worse next time? what if he's not there to step in and get AJ out?

floundering. can't think under pressure.

"i don't–i don't know," he says, staring at the nurse helplessly. feels the weight of his entire fucking childhood on his shoulders.

authorities getting called because of the suspicious injuries, chief hopper coming to talk to him.

billy being unable to look him in the eye, doing his best to forget the last time chief hopper tried to talk to him; that time after max snuck out when she was grounded and got caught sneaking back in, earning herself an earful and a punishment, bruises noticeable enough for el and the chief to take interest.

"i can't do much if neither of you talk, kid," he'd said that time, max sitting stone faced beside him, pissed off at the how big of a deal everyone was making things out to be.

"i need you to talk, billy, for both of them," he says this time, AJ basically drowning in his hospital bed surrounded by machines and beeping and white blankets, max holding his hand from the seat beside him.

billy swallows roughly, wishing he could. can feel the words on the tip of his tongue, but he's spent nineteen years keeping his mouth shut, and he can't bring himself to break now.

he lets the silence hang for a few minutes longer before finally breathing out. "i don't know."

ignores the chief as he lets out a sigh. walks away instead, pulling up a seat next to max instead, them both watching AJ's chest rise and fall.

does his best to match his breath, and pretends to not notice the chief walking out of the room.

AJ getting released from hospital the next morning, neil showing up to sign him out.

billy taking AJ and buckling him into his car before turning to his dad, having come to a decision during the night.

he might not be brave enough to slay their monsters, but he can hide from them. make sure their monsters never touch or hurt or see them ever again.

it feels like the cowards way out, but he's already accepted that about himself. that he's a fucking pussy, and pathetic, and so so scared of things that no one else in the world seems to bat an eye at.

"AJ and max stay with me," he starts, voice stronger than he feels.

max stands beside him and looks at neil like she could kill him, and billy's so fucking grateful she hasn't bailed yet.

"you don't talk to them, you don't go near them, you don't get to fucking see them. just keep paying the daycare fee's and send me some cash for groceries, and that's it. you're done."

neil swallowing. not saying a word.

"you stay out of our lives and we'll stay out of yours. just pay the fucking bills. i'll take care of everything else."

neil remaining silent. not fighting him.

billy tapping max on the arm as he turns, them both getting into the car. driving away.

shit getting hectic. billy feeling in over his head. max breaking her silence on the situation two days later.

"teenage fatherhood was a wild choice," she comments, feeding AJ on her lap.

billy stopping mid-wash at the sink, dropping the plastic kids cup back into the water.

"yeah, well," he picks the cup back up, washing it more forcefully this time. "what else did you want me to do?"

max staying, saying she's taking a gap year before college, knowing full well there's no money to send her there. her picking up a part time job at the local chinese takeaway shop, and bringing home free leftovers after every shift.

it being rough, with plenty of fuck up's happening along the way. some nights he lies awake and thinks about all the what if's.

what if susan never left? what if she gave AJ up for adoption? what if she got the fucking abortion he begged her to get? what if he talked to chief hopper? what if he packed them all up and moved them back to california? what if he's fucking up all their lives more than neil and susan ever could?

thinks, this isn't what he wanted. he never asked for this.

he's drowning in bills, he's fucking up heather's college years, he doesn't know what the fuck's going on with max. doesn't know what's causing the rash covering AJ's back and why he cries so much, why he can never sleep through the night.

feels like he's got no control over anything in his life anymore.

has a breakdown by the time AJ's eighteen months old, almost twenty years old himself. pulls himself together enough to realise he can either get over himself and accept the direction his life's taken and work with what he's got, or continue feeling sorry for himself and how everything always seems to go wrong, no matter how hard he tries, and be stuck in his own personal pity party for the rest of time.

becoming friends with karen wheeler and sue sinclair, asking for help and advice with AJ.

them telling him that maybe he should get him checked out, get professional medical attention. test, don't guess. them saying toddlers are usually a bit better about sleeping by now, and that the rash that won't go away is worrying.

billy admitting he's too anxious to take him for a check up, for custody reasons. neil might be out of the picture and susan may have bailed, but he still doesn't have any legal rights over AJ.

AJ getting worse, and billy finally fucking caving.

rocking up on neil's doorstep with some papers, telling him to sign.

neil dragging his feet, even though he hasn't seen his kids in months.

billy refusing to leave without the papers signed.

neil signing them, but not without a fight.

wiping away the blood dripping from his nose as his pen glides over the dotted line, billy shaking his hand out then stretching out his neck, it feeling bruised after his dad's roughing up.

finally getting some sort of partial custody.

taking AJ to the doctors. finding out he's got allergies and food intolerances a mile long and is just generally a sensitive kid, inside and out.

spending the next few months sorting that out, AJ finally starting to sleep better, his mood improving. the rash starting to clear. starting to feel like things might actually be okay.

AJ turning two, growing into a completely different kid. happy and easy going and full of energy, talking up a storm.

max officially done with school, getting a second part time job at the mall with el. billy working hours at the local mechanic, trying to keep up with everything.

finding their new normal.

the years passing. max moving to california with el, the boys having left for college years ago. heather moving out, deciding to go get a degree. billy finding a smaller apartment for him and AJ but staying in hawkins, 'cause thats all he can afford.

being twenty three, AJ in preschool. settled into their life, starting to see a blurry future.

finally having saved up some money and deciding–fuck it. planning a move back to california, timing it so that they'll be there in time for AJ to start kindergarten.

packing slowly, getting all their shit together, finding a place twenty minutes away from max.

susan walking back into their lives two weeks before the big move.

her saying she's ready to be a mom now. that she's sorry for all the hurt and pain she might've caused, but she's better now. she's got herself sorted. she's ready.

billy staring at her in shock, hand clutching the front door handle still. "are you fucking serious?"

susan staring at him, not saying a word but not leaving.

"you seriously think it's that simple? that you just walk back in and i hand him over? that everything's fine?"

susan hesitating, but pushing her way inside the house. putting her bag down. "i'll never be able to thank you enough for everything you've done, billy, but i've got it from here. you can go back to your life now."

billy telling her to get the hell out of his house.

susan refusing to leave.

shit escalating, AJ crying when susan tries to pull him behind her.

the chief getting called.

shit being rough for a few days, but once the paperwork comes back and its discovered only neil signed the papers to give billy custody, not susan, the law rules in her favour.

billy trying to fight it, but it feeling like every person he talks to tells him to think about it—to really think about it. that going through with fighting susan for custody when she's AJ's actual mother, and seems to have got herself together, could do more harm than good.

a laywer asking him if he's really ready to be a full time guardian for the next fourteen years. asking if he's ready to put AJ through school, raise him to teenagehood, and everything in between and after.

if he's ready to put his life on hold until he's in his thirties, at the earliest.

billy hesitating. he thought he was ready 'cause there was never any other option, but now susan's back and everyone's telling him to step away, then maybe he should.

thinks, maybe the bad feeling that sits permanently in the pit of his stomach is just a part of him. maybe the way his chest seizes and squeezes–the way it feels like he's choking–whenever something to do with the parental figures in his life happens, is just something that he'll never grow out of.

maybe, he needs to learn how to let go, and trust that susan is better.

thinks, AJ got lucky, and his mom may have left, but she also came back, unlike his own.

maybe, he's just got massive fucking trust and abandonment issues.

having AJ one last night, AJ crying the whole time, asking why he has to go. why can't they stay together. why can't they move to california anymore and go to the beach. why can't he learn how to surf.

why does billy have to break his promise.

billy feeling like utter shit. can't handle AJ crying that well, especially since it's his fault. telling AJ it's for the best. that it's better to have a mom with her shit together than a brother who's just scraping by. that it might suck for a while, but it'll be so much better soon. just wait.

dropping AJ off at susan's the next morning, fucking sick to his stomach. comforts himself with the fact he'll at least get to see AJ again, he just won't have to be his legal guardian anymore. he'll be responsibilty free.

giving susan the rundown on everything. AJ's routine, his allergies, his favourite show, songs he loves, his favourite shirt, all his quirks.

susan nodding and agreeing, looking slightly overwhelmed but doing her best.

it coming time to say goodbye. AJ crying, billy trying not to.

AJ making him promise to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that.

billy promising.

susan walking billy out, telling AJ to stay inside where it's warm. standing on the front porch with billy, and billy turning to her. checking, then checking again, that she's got this. telling her he's happy to take AJ for a few more nights while they both get to know each other again, if that's easier.

susan shaking her head. saying thank you again.

billy turning to leave.

susan waiting til he's down the front steps before speaking up again.

"i think it's best if we go no contact for a little bit," she breaks, face timid but voice strong. "just until he adjusts, and starts seeing me as his mom again."

"what the hell do you mean 'no contact'?" billy grits out as he turns on his foot, doing his best to keep the volume down. "i just fucking promised him–"

"i know–i know, billy," she tries, wringing her hands tight, "but it's already confusing enough for him. it's just for a little while until he adjusts–"

"he's only confused 'cause you fucking split–"

"you need to leave, billy, "she cuts him off. "i'll contact you when we're ready to see you again."

billy leaving that night, spiraling. going around in circles on whether to fight her–fight for AJ, or listen. has a million different voices in his head saying a million different things.

feels like his fucking mom whenever he thinks about walking away without a fight, but doesn't know how to stay when susan won't have him, and when the nagging voices in his head tell him he'll just fuck AJ up more by staying and fighting and causing a custody war, instead of just leaving peacefully.

walking away.

tells himself AJ's got his mom back, and susan'll give him everything that he couldn't. that a kid needs their parents–their mother–and not just some fuck up older brother who struggles to make ends meet.

fucking hating himself for it, but the more days that pass where he doesn't see AJ, the more he convinces himself it was the right choice.

moving back to california.

susan trying.

doing her best to settle back into town, but knows every single person in hawkins is judging her, everyone knowing exactly what she did all those years ago–abandoning her kids and leaving them for her step-son to raise. can feel the judgement almost drowning her every time she steps foot outside the house.

AJ adjusting, but it's not smooth and it's not quick.

he's miserable about it, stuck in a situation that he's too young to get out of but old enough to know is wrong. cries himself to sleep most nights and begs susan to ask billy to come pick him up, or even for max to come get him.

susan telling him that they're busy now, that they've moved too far away, but that she's his mom, and they're a team, and she can help him and do things with him. that billy and max have their own lives to live now, but that means her and him can finally spend time together again.

AJ torn between being mad; thinking billy broke all his promises and left without even saying goodbye, telling himself he never wants to see him again; and being so fucking heartbroken and sad, wishing on every single star that billy or max would come back, even just once, so they could be a happy family again.

weeks passing, them finding a routine. susan trying to stick with it, putting the effort it. learning all of AJ's favourite meals, figuring out what he can and can't eat, which brands of laundry detergent he can wear and what brands she can actually afford. learn his favourite bedtimes stories, and figure out what makes him laugh.

it being hard. AJ not giving her much.

telling herself to get over it. that she's the one who left, causing the rift between them in the first place, so that means it's up to her to patch it up.

every day feeling harder and harder.

susan reaching out to max now that she's got AJ back and he's settled a bit, not asking after his older siblings every day.

max actually answering, only to ask to speak with AJ, then hanging up on her once she and AJ finish talking. barely acknowledging her.

susan trying to take it in her stride. knows for as much as she's messed up with AJ, what she did to max is always going to feel heavier. bigger. knows there's a chance max might never forgive her.

billy losing himself in the party and music scene in californa. getting a shitty part time job and joining a shitty band. drinking himself into oblivion, experimenting with harder drugs. barely sober.

his first year back in california being rough.

AJ turning six, and susan struggling. finding motherhood fucking hard to do alone.

it costs so much, and AJ's so emotional, constantly on a hair trigger about everything, and it's exhausting, trying to keep up with everything without a single break or helping hand.

she tries, though. she checks all his food labels and buys the products labelled for sensitive skin. she listens to him when he's upset and crying, and does her best to make him feel better. she tries to help him make friends at school, inviting everyone in the class to his birthday party and giving out party bags to each kid, even when AJ spends most of the party playing by himself in his room, all the other kids running around having fun together elsewhere.

suddenly, it's too much.

knows she's about to make a mistake–that it's wrong, but can't bring herself to stop.

finds her way back to cherry lane, AJ's hand grasped tight within her own, a packed bag for both of them by their sides.

neil opening the door and welcoming them home.

max and AJ talking on the phone twice a week, minimum. her telling AJ that billy misses him and asks about him, that he would be there if he could. checking in with him and asking if he's okay, making sure he knows he can come to her for anything.

AJ wanting to ask her for help, bursting into tears the first few times they talk on the phone, but susan told him he's not allowed to tell max where they live now, told him he's not allowed to mention neil at all, so, he keeps it quiet, and hopes that max just comes back and rescues him anyway.

max giving billy 'AJ updates' after every phone call, even when he tells her to stop. that he doesn't want to hear it.

telling him that AJ sounds miserable. billy bitching back, the fuck do you want me to do about it.

"you know, the only thing you did that was stupider than taking AJ in, was giving him up."

billy hanging up on her, then not picking up for at least a month.

AJ going from a happy kid, back when billy looked after him, to an anxious mess, trying to live with susan, to scared, now that he lives with neil.

doesn't remember neil exactly, but knows he's a bad person. can remember billy and max saying bad things about him, and knows there was a reason they didn't see him before.

neil getting comfortable, having susan come crawling back to him and having a son again, even if AJ is soft.

instantly falling back into how it used to be, now that he has a wife to do all the house work and a son to toughen up. thinks, if he squints and ignores the red hair, it's almost like he's raising billy again.

tells himself he's not gonna fuck it up this time. that this time, he'll get it right. that he'll make something good, something worth being proud of, out of AJ yet.

starts by telling susan to stop catering to all his allergy bullshit. that the kid can eat the same food as the rest of them, or he can starve. a little rash won't kill him, and everybody gets stomach pain. it's apart of life. puts a stop to buying him sensitive skin products as well, and tells him he's old enough to sleep with the lights off. that there's no more bedtime stories. no more getting tucked in. no more sitting out of sports. that it's time for him to grow up and toughen up. that he's turning seven soon, so it's time to act like it.

AJ getting quieter as the days pass, and before susan knows it, he barely speaks. responds to neil when neil demands it, and talks enough to answer questions when directly asked, but he doesn't cry anymore, doesn't ask to go to california, or to call billy. doesn't even beg for a bedtime story anymore. the only time susan hears him talk is when he's on the phone to max, and even then, he just sounds depressed.

thinks, not for the first time, that maybe this was a mistake.

watches the way AJ looks at neil, like he's waiting for his own father to attack him, and wonders, if she called billy, would he come back.

billy letting his life fall to peices.

max giving him an intervention by year two in california, telling him to get his shit together and sober up. that just 'cause he doesn't have responsibilities anymore, doesn't mean he can throw his life away. to sort himself out.

it being a slow process, but eventually finding his feet and pulling himself together.

trying to get sober and give up alcohol, but falling off the wagon too many times. spiralling into self-blame and self-hatred.

getting back on his feet after every stumble and telling himself he's quitting for real this time, only to give in again a few weeks later.

after a few more months of that, trying a different tactic. instead of giving up cold turkey, giving himself five tokens a year to use. five free passes a year to drink. finding that easier to stick to and keep himself accountable with.

turning twenty seven and feeling like he's got his life back on track.

max officially becoming a professional tattoo artist. re-connecting with lucas after they went their separate ways after graduation.

heather moving in with billy again, calling him up after dropping out of her third college course attempt. billy telling her his spare room is always free for her.

things looking up.

neil trying to get AJ to join a sports team, and AJ actually fighting back. saying he doesn't want to. that he hates sports. them both digging their heels in, refusing to budge.

susan closing her eyes when neil starts using physical force, trying to get him to cave. to give in.

swallowing her pride and finally dialling the number she's got saved in her phone under a bullshit name, knowing what she has to do, if she ever wants her kids to be happy.

telling herself that just a visit could help fix things. that maybe if they just see each other, become apart of each others lives again, then maybe things will be better.

billy answering the phone and hearing susans voice. freezing.

getting pissed.

every time he feels like he's got his life back on track, it feels like it goes spiralling.

not being able to say no, though, when susan asks to meet up, 'cause he fucking misses that kid.

deciding to meet on neutral ground, him not wanting susan in his life any more than necessary, and susan just doing her best to keep things amicable.

her travelling to california, telling neil she's taking AJ to meet her sister, AJ's aunt. telling AJ the same thing, deciding it might be a nice surprise.

can still hear him continuously talking about everything billy promised him all those years ago.

meeting up with billy and max at a small cafe, AJ running straight up to billy the second he catches sight of him, having never forgot about him. only letting go of billy for a few minutes to cling to max just as tight before attaching himself to billy's side.

susan slowing walking over, watching them reunite.

them all sitting down, it being awkward as fuck.

billy having a lot of feelings about susan, and all of them being negative. trying to be civil though, for AJ's sake. max barely on speaking terms with her herself.

billy, max, and AJ being their own little team, like they always have been.

susan watching on, realising no matter how hard she tries, she'll never be a part of that. can't figure out if she regrets bringing AJ out here or not.

her ordering for AJ, trying to ignore the fact that her kids would be fine without her in their lives.

billy raising an eyebrow at her. "did he grow out of his allergies?"

susan not looking at him, instead running a hand over AJ's hair.

"they were never that severe anyway," she murmurs quietly, AJ twisting away from her touch.

billy catching sight of a rash peaking out of AJ's shirt.

"are you fucking kidding me?"

dragging susan off to the side, pissed.

susan trying to dismiss him, saying something about how some kids are just picky eaters. you can't just give in every time they say they don't like something.

billy being speechless for a minute, before his anger takes over. "i took him to the motherfucking doctor. they gave him scratch tests. took his fucking blood. he was miserable for weeks. months. but he got better, because i fucking listened."

susan not looking at him, repeating the words neil's said to her so often now. "it's barely a rash. he's fine. let's just sit down for a nice lunch."

lunch ending, AJ begging to go with billy and max, and susan dragging him back to her car, him completely miserable, staring back at his older siblings with tears running down his face the entire time.

billy and max ranting the whole drive back to max's, them both pissed beyond belief.

billy bringing out one of tokens to use and max opening up her liquor cabinet.

getting shitfaced.

susan and AJ being in town for a few days, and max being stuck being the one making the plans 'casue billy refuses to talk to susan.

billy finally getting to show AJ the ocean. max taking him on a tour of her favourite places growing up. trying to teach him how to skate. AJ being terrified. billy having to hold his hands while max shows him the movements. AJ having absolutely no coordination or balance or center of gravity whatsoever.

day three, more of the same, going back to the beach, then letting AJ scooter down the beach walk.

susan standing back and watching, that neverending feeling of overwhelmingness hitting her. she's always been in over her head, jumping from relationship to relationship. having a child to try fix things, only for things to get worse. always chosing the cowards way out when things get too much.

realises, like a slap to the face, she's gonna choose the cowards way out again.

the last day of being there, going to see billy's band do a gig. heading backstage, max meeting her at the back enterence. AJ looking around in awe. clinging to billy the second he sees him.

fading into the background, letting them be the people they've always been without her there.

walking away.

billy not realising susan's not there anymore until later, after he's off stage and both him and max can't find her. thinking maybe she just went back to her hotel.

him and max catching an uber there with AJ.

asking the front desk for her room number, but them saying there's no susan currently staying there. that the last susan they had checked out three hours ago.

it hitting max first, then billy.

susan fucking walked again.

AJ looking up at them, asking them what's wrong.

billy taking him home.

papers getting mailed to him weeks later, dotted lines all signed, full custody to him.

him signing every page.

feeling like he's finally got control of his life again.

AJ crying one night, saying sorry that he's bad. that he doesn't want any more people to go. asking billy if he's gonna leave again.

billy initially hating tommy when he first rolled into town, thinking he was kind of pathetic for how he was acting about harrington ditching him, and thinking he was just genuinely like. trying too fucking hard. trying to hard to be liked, to get attention, to get his fucking peers approval. billy already knew. high school didn't fucking matter. other kids approval and opinions didn't mean shit. everyone was fake as fuck. he just had to make it ‘til graduation, then he'd be fucking gone.

but then. he somehow ends up getting roped into joining tommy and his family for dinner one night, becos he's unable to say no to tommy's mom who asked him, and suddenly, he's seeing tommy in a whole new light.

he didn't know that tommy had a fucking baseball teams worth of siblings, and was the 3rd eldest. he watches as tommy cuts up his baby sisters dinner, pulling faces at his little brother next to her the entire time to make him laugh. listens as the entire table actually talks and interacts with each other, how his twin little sisters ask about when carol's coming over next, and how his mom cuts in and asks if carol's appointment went okay the other day and if she was feeling better. watches as him and his older brother clear the table without even being asked, their mom moving to start bath time for the kids under six. can't remember the last time he sat at a dinner table with an entire family and felt warm. like what dinner's look like they feel like in the movies.

after, when he's walking down the hallway to tommy's room, he sees all the pictures of him and harrington. they're all over the the wall, some not even having tommy in them, just steve and other members of the family cheesing at the camera from basically fucking diapers all the way up til last year. that's when he realises. tommy and steve weren't just school friends. steve was fucking family. and he left. over a fucking girl.

suddenly, billy gets it. he fucking Gets it. gets what it's like to have a family member walk out, with little to no explanation or reason, or for the worst fucking reason of all. to have everyone in the world expect you to just be fucking okay with it, like your entire world hasn't just changed, like you aren't eating dinner with one less plate setting now, like birthdays aren't suddenly forevermore gonna be one person short. he fucking gets it.

tommy looks embarrassed, though, when he catches billy eyeing the pictures, the red so obvious on his cheeks, and it feels like this is the first time billy's seen him without the act he puts on at school. billy just gives him a slight nod, then walks past the bathroom and flirts with his mom, feeling good about the way tommy groans behind him.

billy makes more of an effort after that, and tommy stops trying so hard.

maybe one night, after a slightly wild party at some cheerleader's house, him and tommy split to get some food from benny's, walking the whole way cos they're both not in any condition to drive, and tommy ends up spilling the details of what actually happened between him and steve. not just the shit that's been spreading around school, either. the real shit.

billy listens, still slightly drunk and definitely fucking high, and ends up vaguely mentioning his mom. he cuts himself off quickly though, cos even when he's wasted he knows not to expose himself like that. but tommy looks at him, and he nods, and he moves the conversation along.

they get close, after that.

they don't cling to each other at school, with tommy usually floating between anyone and everyone, carol leading the way, and billy only gracing the basketball table with his presence maybe once a week, the other days ditching to his car or hiding out under bleachers becos he’s sick and tired of people, but out of school, they're a bit more attached. 

tommy's mom loves billy, and apparently, so do his siblings. well–the younger ones do, at least. the teens and the two older two seem unfazed by him at best, and wary of him at worst. that's probably fair though, considering his reputation. 

it takes less than a month for billy to clock the fact that tommy doesn’t seem to “get” music. tommy says he considers it something you put on in the background while you do shit, just to have some noise, and billy pulls the car over immediately and gives him a wild look. he pulls out a mixed cd from the glovebox that has a decent chunk of his favourite songs, and when tommy says he's never heard a single one, billy loses his fucking mind for fifteen minutes straight before promising him that before the years out, tommy will understand music. 

tommy just agrees, having learnt early on that billy's gonna billy, and he's expressive and passionate about so fucking little, so seeing him get so worked up about something tommy considers so small is like. kind of fucking adorable. he sits there and listens as billy explains the difference between one band and the next and thinks–he's never actually heard billy sound so genuinely happy to be talking about something before, like his love for it is roots deep.

and then–there's eddie. 

he fucking hates billy on principal alone, at first. heard the talk and rumours about him from day one, his name even being whispered about by hellfire members, and instantly judged and stereotyped the fuck out of him. knows it's pretty pot, kettle–the whole hating each other becos stereotypes etc but like. no way this new california basketball guy isn't gonna tear eddie to shreds. there's no way.

so, he doesn't wait to see how billy treats him, just expects that he's gonna fuck with him the same way all the other assholes do, and writes him off as a waste of time, just like all the other jocks are.

gets the surprise of his life when billy not only acknowledges him publicly at a party, but also knows him by name and talks to him at school. usually, his crowd treats him like his social status is contagious, and keeps any interaction to a quick and private arrangement. except then he's walking down the corridor at school and his name is being yelled across the hall, and suddenly billy hargrove's standing in front of him, a kind of terrifying look on his face.

eddie rolls with it though, figures his buddies will catch him up to speed and explain the rules that keep things flowing around here, and billy'll never speak to him again.

that's not what happens, though. what happens is one of jason's dipshit besties throws an arm over billy's shoulder and laughs, calls eddie a freak like it's the funniest and most original insult to ever exist, and tells billy that they don't actually have to talk to him, that they can get anything they want from samson's older brother who's back from college.

billy shrugs the guy off, "you mean that shit that you were sharing around at patrick's last week? yeah, fuck that. at least munson's shit is good."

eddie watches the scene unfold with slight interest, but writes billy off again when he walks away with the crowd, having gotten the information he needed.

charges him double and a half when billy eventually tracks him down behind the school, and billy gives him a flat look but still hands over the money.

"that the standard price, or you just being a little bitch about it?"

"whatever you wanna tell yourself, short guy."

billy rolls his eyes, but takes the baggie eddie hands him and walks away, flipping him the bird over his shoulder as he goes.

eddie watches him leave and shakes his head. thinks, at least that'll be the last of it.

feels his eyes widen slightly the next week when billy rocks up again, money already in hand.

"price has actually went up this week, sorry man. must've forgot to send you the newsletter," eddie shrugs, walking straight past him and dumping his bag on the table.

"fuckin–seriously? you seriously pulling this shit?"

eddie gets his little tin lunch box out of his bag, not even sparing him a glance.

"supply and demand, gotta make a buck, you know how it is," eddie shrugs again and waits to hear billy's footsteps walk away. that doesn't happen. instead, he hears billy take a deep breath, mutter a fucksake under his breath, then hears his footsteps approach.

"well, how much is it this week, then?"

eddie looks at him over his shoulder, then turns around fully, a slow grin growing on his face. "how much you got?"

watches the flash of anger and frustration cross over billy's face before he seems to reign himself in.

"just–just give me my fucking shit, munson, i swear to god."

eddie just watches him and waits, letting him sweat a bit, before grinning at him, all teeth, then turns back around.

he grabs some things from his little stash then slaps three baggies in billy's hand.

billy clenches his fist around it, before taking another calming breath, then nods.

"how much?"

"same as last week."

billy gives him a look, and eddie snorts.

"supply and demand," he shrugs again, twirling his hair.

billy huffs, slapping the money down on the table.

eddie winks at him.

billy becomes a pretty regular customer after that, even though he looks at eddie like he thinks he’s batshit crazy most days. doesn't stop him from asking for his phone number though, complaining that sneaking notes in lockers is fucking corny. 

next thing eddie knows, billy’s rocking up at his trailer and banging on his door, inviting himself in. eddie would like to pretend to give more of a fuck, but honestly, billy isn't actually that bad. and uncle wayne fucking loves him for some reason.

billy clocks his guitar on his second visit, and sniffs out his fucking heart wide crush on chrissy cunningham on the fourth, and eddie never knows peace affer that. 

it’s a bright as fuck day when billy finally figures out a way to merge his two worlds and get both eddie and tommy into the same place at the same time, and it happens purely by his own intervention.

billy's driving tommy home when eddie’s van mysteriously breaks down, and he calls for a lift. billy eyes his glovebox, where he’s stashed a small but important part of eddies engine, and thinks hell fuckin’ yeah your van’s broke down.

he smirks into his phone as he listens to eddie stress, quickly checking on his passenger as he thinks about the way eddie’s face always screws up whenever he mentions him, and how tommy always looks downright uncomfortable every time he mentions spending time at munson’s trailer. 

but. here's the thing. he doesn't give a fuck. what he does give a fuck about is splitting his time between the two, like a fucking child of divorce, when he could simply just hang out with them both at once, them all chilling together. of course, that involes playing matchmaker. or just like. force them into getting stockholm syndrome about each other or some shit. but whatever. as long as something works. he’s not picky.

he flips his turn signal on and does a u-turn, shrugging when tommy asks where they’re going.

when he pulls up behind eddie’s van, tommy’s face does something complicated, and billy holds back a snort. he gives tommy one last sideway glance before climbing out and going to find eddie.

“what’s the damage?” he calls out, walking up to the front.

“fuck if i know, man. i look after her the best i can, but she’s old as shit and high maintenance, and i’m fucking broke,” eddie says from the front seat where he’s been waiting, looking at billy like maybe he’ll know the answer.

“just leave it. i’ll come back later and have a look. got a passenger though, so. we gotta go,” billy waves his hand dismissively before nodding his head towards his car.

“oh shit, little red’s here?” eddie asks, hopping out and walking alongside him.

billy snorts. “worse.”

eddie opens the back passenger door and ducks down to look before standing straight back up. 

“tell me you’re joking,” he says, sounding fucking pained.

billy laughs. “get in the fucking car, freak.”

it’s the most awkward and uncomfortable drive he’s had since he got his own car, and he spends most of the time trying to make fucking conversation with them both only for them to give him stilted and one word answers back.

“holy fuck,” billy breaks, pulling up in front of tommy’s house. he locks the car doors before anyone can split and turns in his seat. “what’s the big deal between you two? it can’t be that fucking bad. you’re both like–harmless. fucking bitchy, and definitely petty, and both fucking dramatic, but like. harmless. what’s the beef?”

tommy stays silent, making sure to look anywhere but them, while eddie leans forward to look between them. he looks from billy, to tommy, then back to billy.

“just–history,” eddie sighs, giving tommy a look.

billy stares blankly between them both. “history,” he deadpans back.

“well, we have went to school together for most of our lives, even been in most of the same classes in high school,” eddie reasons, sounding offended that billy’s not getting it.

“boo hoo, he stole your lunch money,” billy bitches back, giving eddie a bewildered look, “move past it. you’re like, 20, dude.”

eddie gives him an incredulous look right back, and billy shrugs, unlocking the car doors. tommy bolts.

“christ, man. you don’t get it,” eddie starts after he’s jumped in the front seat and they’ve started to drive away, “you haven't been at the bottom of the food chain.”

billy raises an eyebrow at him, ‘cause like fuck has he never been at the bottom of the food chain, and eddie fucking knows that. billy’s turned up at his trailer enough times now after a run in with his dad for eddie to have put the pieces together.

“that’s fucking different, don’t even try to compare,” eddie shoots back instantly, throwing his arms out.

“yeah, ‘cause one’s fucking high school bullshit, and one’s my fucking homelife. like, dude. come on, seriously? he bullied you? i fucking bully you.”

“yeah but you bully me because you want to fuck me, he bullied me for like–fucking everything. living in a trailer, hellfire club,” he starts listing, “my parents and all that bullshit–my fucking band–”

“yeah, and i tried to fuck your uncle last week,” billy cuts him off, sitting there and giving him a blank look. 

eddie looks scandalised before a smile starts to crack, a slight laugh coming out. “you are such a fucking asshole.”

billy laughs right back, making an illegal turn and flooring it, “fuck you, i’m your hottest fucking customer. now, let’s go fix your fucking van.”

“tommy ain’t that bad,” billy tries again as he puts eddies van back into working condition, pulling the piece he took out earlier from his jacket and putting it back in the engine, eddie none the wiser sitting in the driver's seat.

eddie raises his eyebrows at him when he pops up to look at him over the hood, “uh huh. sure. tommy hagen’s got a heart of gold.”

billy rolls his eyes then bends back over, fixing up the last few things before slamming the hood shut.

“seriously. he’s like, chill, once you get to know him. he pissed me off too when i first met him. then, i actually gave him the time of day, and now–” billy shrugs, wiping his hands and smearing some grease around, then walking around to eddie’s door.

“why the hell do you care so much–what? you want us to all share friendship bracelets? want us to jam together?” eddie questions, looking at billy through his rolled down window.

billy lets out a deep breath. “‘cause. we’re almost graduated, we’re basically fucking adults, and i don't want to spend my fucking summer having to divide my days going between you both because you guys can’t get over shit from middle school. we were all fuckin’ pricks when we were twelve. luckily, you two both grew out of it, but i sure as shit didn't. so, either learn to get along, or i’ll make you fucking get along.”

billy pulls out a pack of smokes, gets one out, gives eddie a salute, then lights up and walks away.

billy’s words bounce around in his head the following days, and when billy tells him to meet him at his car after school three days later and he rocks up to tommy and carol fucking perkins sitting in the back seat, eddie stops for a minute before standing tall, then throws himself into the front passenger seat.

billy smiles his most angelic smile at him, and when eddie turns around, tommy won’t meet his eye. carol smirks at him and pops her bubblegum. “‘sup, eddie.”

eddie didn't even know she knew his name. he lifts his hand in a weird little wave before turning back around and facing the road. “fuck you,” he mutters under his breath, sinking down in his seat.

billy laughs and drops his hand to rest on eddie’s knee, squeezing it. “we’re gonna have fun, baby,” he mumbles back.

after a few blocks, billy pulls up to benny’s diner and cuts the engine.

“you said ‘meet me at my car, it’s important’,” eddie deadpans, looking around the busy carpark in the peak of the after school rush, tommy and carol already getting out.

“yeah,” billy deadpans right back, eyes looking fucking gleeful, “after school milkshakes. most important part of the day.”

“you’re lactose intolerant,” eddie breathes out disbelievingly as they both reach for their car doors.

“i know,” billy grins, pushing his door open and stepping out, then turning around and leaning in, “now let’s go, hot stuff.”

she tried so hard to make it work, but her own parents were barely existent, and neil's parents had frowned upon her since the moment they met her, and any hope she had for role model options of an upstanding mother and wife had been dashed before she even knew she needed them.

but then billy was born, and he was in her arms, and she promised herself that she would never give up, that she would try, and they'd both make it out of this alive.

neil was gone a lot for the early parts of billy's life, leaving just her and her son alone, and slowly the trapped feeling started lifting, leaving behind nothing but love.

she was there for his first smile, was the first one to make him laugh, was there to watch him take his first steps, there to watch him take off running. heard his first word, and then every word after that. neil popped in and out, coming and going between tours, but billy was a mumma's boy through and through, and neil could never bond with him the way she could.

he tried, she'll give him that, but all efforts were quickly given up on, and it wasn't long before neil started in on being the firm parent, talking about how some kids just needed some tough love. stating that there was no reason billy should need to be sung to sleep anymore, that he was 2 years old, he should be putting himself to sleep by now, staying in his own bed the entire night. that he should eat all the food on the plate in front of him, and if he doesn't, then he can go to bed hungry. that tantrums and meltdowns and wrong doing's need more than a simple time out, that's the only way he'll learn.

and then neil would disappear again, and it would just be her and her little boy, and he'd sleep in bed with her all night, and he'd get dessert even when he didn't finish his dinner, cos 'no one likes carrots, baby, i just thought i'd let you try them', and when he draw on the wall with markers he wasn't meant to play with, she talked him through what was wrong, put him on time out, and then they went secondhand shopping for old used couches to cover up that section of wall.

neil never found out.

but then she gets the call, and her chest freezes, her hands white-knuckling the phone cord, because neil's coming home, and this time he's not leaving.

he's coming back for good.

she puts on a brave face, and makes the most of the last few days of peace with billy while she can. spending every moment she can with him by the water, spinning around and playing in the sun, walking to and from the beach on their usual route, billy having the corner shop owner wrapped around his little finger and getting a free lolly each trip.

doing her best to prepare for whats next, promising herself that no matter what, she can handle it. that for billy, she can handle anything.

except then neil's home, and he's everywhere. he has opinions on everything, and nothing she does is right, nothing billy does is okay, and neil use to sometimes be mad, but now he's angry. he's angry at the military for writing him off over an injury he claims he could've walked off, he's angry at her for fucking up their son, he's angry at billy for being a child, he's angry at the entire fucking world.

the first time he hit her, they weren't married. billy wasn't even a thought. she let it go, thinking it was just a one off, a heat of the moment thing, brought out only because of their fight. and after months of no repeats, she figured she was right to let it go. but then it happened again, just before she found out about billy. then again, just after. again, just before billy's arrival, again, just after, again, and again, and again. but she never worried too much, because neil always left, and she always had a count down, a light at the end of the tunnel, a fail safe.

then she didn't, and neil was back, for better or for worse, and there wasn't anything she could do.

but she tried. he got angry, and she tried with everything she had to make sure billy was safe, that it was just her that got hurt. that billy would never know this side of his father. but as billy got older, and as neil got colder, firmer, she could only protect him from so much.

it felt like she was holding him, just a baby a few hours old in her arms one moment, then she blinked, and suddenly he was six, and scared, and so so brave, running at neil to try protect her, trying to tackle him to the ground.

her and neil's fights got louder, more frequent, more physical, and billy got quieter, more withdrawn, terrified.

the fight that broke them was over billy, naturally.

she came home from a shift from a local little clothes boutique where she'd picked up some part time work, only to find billy sitting at the kitchen table, head down, sniffling, doing his homework, and neil standing at the stove and stirring a pot, his eyes never leaving his son, looking at him the same way he looks at her when she accidentally fucks up dinner.

"you okay, honey?" she asks as she cards her hand through his hair. he sniffles again but nods, still not looking up.

she doesn't believe him even for a second, but she knows what it's like to have neil's weighted stare sitting on you, so she lets it go for the moment and leaves to get changed.

when she comes back, neil's finally turned around and focused on the stove, and billy's packing away his maths worksheets. she sits in the chair beside him and resumes running her hand through his hair.

"how was your day, baby?" she asks softly.

billy finally looks up at her, and the second her eyes land on the marks around his neck, the dried tear tracks all over his cheeks, his damp and shiny eyes, and the wince he doesn't even think to hide when he shrugs, she's out of her chair and grabbing neil by the arm and spinning him around within the second.

"what the fuck did you do?" she hisses at him, and neil has the nerve to continue fixing dinner, like their son isn't in pain, crying, just a few feet away from them at that very second.

"he needs to grow up, no more childish games. no more kid stuff," neil replies calmly, like billy isn't an actual child.

"he's six!" she stresses, because he is six, he's just a baby. he's her baby.

"he's old enough now to not-," neil starts, before getting cut off with-

"he's a child!"

"he doesn't need-"

"he is a kid! he is just a child, neil!" she yells, and part of her's worried about scaring billy, but neil hurt him. neil can lay his hands on her all he wants, but billy's always been off limits.

until today, apparently.

"he's our child- my child! you can not fucking touch him, ever."

it escalates, as all their arguments do, and before she realises what she's saying, she's threatening to leave, to take billy and never turn back. it’s not the first time she’s said it, but this time it feels right, feels like something finally settles into place.

neil waits calmly for her to finish her tirade before bringing reality down.

"you're gonna take my son away from me, huh? and what judge, in their right mind, would leave billy with you, a mother who can't even hold down a full time job, with a police record, and barely a handful of savings."

neil waits her out while she scrambles to find an answer, but that trapped feeling she had all those years ago comes back full force, and the only thing tethering her is billy, whose come up behind her and has buried his face into the small of her back, his hand gripping hers.

"i'm his mother," she breathes out, "courts favour the mother," she settles on, even though she knows that if this ended up in court, neil would fight her every step of the way, and a sinking feeling in her gut tells her he would win.

he always wins.

in the end, it's neil that takes her to court.

it's barely a custody battle. neil's always been good at putting on a show, winning over a crowd, turning on the charm. it doesn't seem to matter that she's the mother, that she finally landed a stable full-time job, that billy wants to stay with her. neil talks, and twists stories, paints an entirely different picture of their home life and situation than the reality; before she knows, he has everyone eating out of the palm of his hand before she can even try rebuttal anything.

he's given full time custody.

she's given nothing, not even contact, unless approved by neil himself.

neil never approves.

billy sneaks one call in though, because he's just like her, and he never gives up.

her heart feels like it’s breaking right down the middle, never to be repaired, and she knows he's too young to understand or comprehend, but she doesn't know how to explain to him the gravity of the situation. doesn't know how to tell him that if someone found out they made contact, that her chances of overruling the court order could be jeopardised. so she takes a page out of neils book, even though it tastes like acid in her mouth and makes her cry herself to sleep, and makes her voice as firm as it can go, tell's him that she had to go, to not call her again.

she'll hear billy crying 'i don't understand!' until the day she dies, she knows.

she works and fights for years. learns more about divorce and the child's court system than she ever expected to know, and tries everything she can to finally see him again. has long since moved on from the pipe dream of full custody, and is now just trying for visitation rights.

slowly, she gets somewhere. unfortunately, everything she gets approved for has to go through neil first, and neil blocks her at every turn. he answers every call, and hangs up every time. all letters are returned, unopened, never making it to billy's hands.

(billy completely unaware of everything. forbidden to answer the phone, never seeing any mail addressed to him. isn't even aware that his parents are even in contact, let alone at war.)

before she knows it, he's lived more life without her than with her, she's missed more birthdays with him than celebrated, and soon he won't even legally be a child.

sometimes she thinks maybe if she just waits ‘til he's legally an adult, then she can try reach out, and neil won't have any leg to stand on. her and billy will be free. but then she remembers neil, she remembers how he tried to raise him, how the purpose of this arrangement wasn't for neil's benefit, but for her and billy's punishment's. she remembers billy's voice on the phone, crying, begging her to take him too.

she promised herself she wouldn't give up, and she won't.

she writes him another letter, but instead of folding it up and putting it in an envelope, hargrove residence address dotted on the front, she simply folds the piece of paper, writes 'for billy' on the outside, and calls in an old family friend. someone that was around in the early days of her and neil, close enough to still probably be in town, but distant enough to hopefully not be too chummy with neil. it's risky, but she's desperate.

luck seems to be on her side though, because she barely explains the situation before he's nodding along and taking the note. promises her that he'll have it delivered asap; neil won't know a thing.

she hugs him and thanks him repeatedly before she sits and waits. takes a moment to think about how this might take more than a few hours, but like fuck is she gonna miss whatever happens next.

-

billy and max are hanging out at the skate park on a sunny as fuck day when it happens. billy's sitting at the top of the half pipe, legs dangling over the edge while he has a smoke, when he hears his name get called out. he looks over to see some old guy trying to get his attention, nodding his head over and holding up a piece of paper, and billy's two seconds away from telling him to fuck off, except he looks vaguely familiar in a distant kind of way, and billy kinda wants to know what the fucks up. he grabs his board before sliding down and cautiously walking over, glaring at the guy holding out the letter. billy reaches out and grabs it.

"good luck, kid," the guy says, then walks away.

"the fuck?" billy stares after him as he goes, then looks back down at the letter in his hand. he flips it over and reads the neat and cursive 'for billy' on the front, the flips it open.

max takes one look at his face, which has lost all it's colour, and chooses that moment to wander over and try to casually take a peek. the second he realises he's got an audience, he quickly shoves the note into his pocket and wipes a hand over his face, quickly pulling himself together.

"fuck off, shitbird," he basically growls.

max levels him with a glare but takes off on her board, rolling her eyes at his dramatics. she didn't even get a chance to read a single word.

billy shoots a look at a bunch of middle schoolers hogging a park bench that’s mostly secluded, and after they all flee, takes a seat to read the letter properly in peace.

the letter doesn't say too much, just that his mom's fighting for him, and she's never stopped fighting for him. that she loves him, and she's sorry it's taken her so long, and that she promises, soon, they'll see each other again, if that's something he still wants.

it's been 9 years, give or take, since he's seen his mom, and the longer it's drawn out, the angrier he's got. he's well aware he's got abandonment issues, and he's pretty sure they all started with her, from the very second she told him to stop calling her, and they’ve only grown with every second she hasn't been in contact since.

but the second he reads the letter, the moment 'i've never stopped fighting for you' digs and etches itself onto his brain, the anger he has just drains out of him, and suddenly he's seven years old again, desperate to see her.

he folds the note as small as he can, and slips it in the smaller hidden pocket of his jeans that he's never known a function for, and guards that pocket like it's his only hope. scrubs at his face with his hands to make sure there's no evidence of any tears, and schools his face into the usual scowl.

he hangs back and chills on the bench until max is ready to go, in absolutely no hurry to get home, then spends the entire trip back ignoring her and her 50 questions. max gets pissed pretty quickly with the silent treatment, and within two blocks has turned the silent treatment back on him.

later on, while billy’s finishing a late assignment under neil’s watchful gaze and max is helping her mom out in the kitchen, things fall apart.

susan asks how max’s day was, and before billy can even attempt to signal for her to keep her mouth shut, she’s telling her mom about the weird guy giving billy letters at the park. susan turns to him and starts talking about stranger danger and accepting things from people he doesn’t know in public places, and billy has no choice but to nod along and agree. he casts a glance over at his dad and finds him looking straight at him.

billy swallows and wipes his hands on his jeans before trying to focus back on his school work and prays his dad will drop it.

billy’s never that lucky.

he hears his dad stand up slowly from his armchair and make his way towards the kitchen.

“what’s this about a letter?” neil asks casually, walking up to the table.

billy glances at max and susan, then back to his dad.

“nothing,” billy grips his pencil tightly and makes sure his voice keeps steady. “just some guy trying to get people to go to his band’s gig. he handed out flyers to the whole skatepark.”

he makes sure to not break eye contact and hopes it’s enough.

“he called you by name, and you were the only one who got a note,” max points out, looking at billy like he’s lost his mind. billy kinda wants to fucking strangle her. he swallows, and continues to keep eye contact with neil.

“most guys know my name there, it was noth-”

“where is it?” neil cuts him off.

“where’s what?” playing dumb hasn’t really worked for him before, but billy’s willing to try again.

“where’s the letter, billy.” neil’s not asking anymore. billy can feel his palms getting clammy.

“i threw it out.” billy wishes his voice didn’t waver, that he could keep his shit together, but he can feel himself breaking under the weight.

neil looks at him for a second longer before walking with purpose straight to billy’s room. billy quickly pushes his chair out and follows him, almost running into his back when neil stops dead in the doorway.

“you tell me where the letter is, or i tear apart this room until i find it. your choice, son,” neil doesn’t even bother turning around to say it to his face.

billy closes his eyes and thinks about the letter currently burning a hole in his pocket, ‘i’ve never stopped fighting for you’ flashing in his memory, and suddenly the anger that left him earlier is back full force.

“I don’t. fucking. have it,” he spits out.

neil finally turns to him and raises an eyebrow, a silent ‘you sure you wanna do this’ look, and- fuck it. his mom basically fucking hand delivered a letter to him just to tell him that she’s still out there, and she’s coming for him.

billy just raises an eyebrow back then throws his arms out in a ‘be my guest’ gesture. takes a step back so he can lean against the doorway and watch.

neil upturns everything he can get his hands on, breaks his flimsy bedside table, rips the sheets off his bed, empties out all his drawers, pulls out all his clothes. throws all his records and knickknacks on the ground. comes up empty.

billy can feel the anger running through his veins, watching his dad destroy his room and all his possessions. max and susan have came over to see what the commotion’s about and are watching on in horror.

“give me the letter, billy,” neil says slowly, breathing heavily, getting right up in billy’s space, “now.”

billy looks him dead in the eye.

“no,” he breathes out, no hesitation.

“give me the letter, now, billy!” neil slams his hand against the doorway, just above billy’s head, finally losing any calm he had.

"no," he repeats, leaning right back into his dads space, a half feral smile starting to spread across his face. his dad's so fucking mad. billy usually doesn't get this far under his skin on purpose, but god it feels good to be in control for once.

neil slides a hand down his face and takes a deep breath before straightening up, focusing back on his son.

"give me your car keys," neil says, holding his hand out expectantly.

billy grinds his jaw before reaching a hand around and grabbing his keys from the shelf by the door, smacking them down in neil's hands.

neil shoves past him and makes his way outside, the whole family following. billy catches sight of max's face, her wide eyes, and clenches his hands at his sides. if she had just kept her fucking mouth shut.

by the time billy and the girls make it out the front, neil's already tore into every compartment of his car.

"i told you, i don't have it," billy repeats again.

"neil, honey, he say's he doesn't have it, maybe-," susan tries, but neil's not having it.

"empty your pockets," neil says, climbing out of the camaro and walking right up to billy, leaving barely a space between them.

"empty. your. pockets," he repeats, slowly, quietly, dead calm.

billy lifts his chin a bit, glaring defiantly, but he can feel his heart pick up the pace, and sweat start to gather on his forehead.

he empties his pockets.

places his pack of smokes, his lighter, a two day old receipt, and a ring that he took off earlier onto his dads hands. waits.

neil looks down at what billy's discarded and silently fumes. billy clenches his jaw, then breathes out a quiet, "i don't have it."

his father holds his gaze before nodding.

"okay."

he moves past billy, past susan and max, and heads back to his armchair.

"fix up your room, it's a mess," then looks at susan and gestures to the fridge. she instantly gets the message and quickly moves to grab him out a beer.

max looks between them all like she doesn't understand what just happened, and billy can't fucking deal with this. he heads back to his room, getting ready to try salvage what he can.

doesn’t dare bring the letter out from its hiding spot, doesn’t even touch a hand to that pocket, just in case his dad can just sense it.

thinks, prays, that that’ll be the end of it. that neil would actually let it go.

he should’ve known better.

they sit down for dinner the next night, and no one’s mentioning what happened yesterday, but it’s sitting heavily in the air. max still looks like she’s trying to figure out what the fuck happened, susan looks like she’s trying to pretend everything’s normal, like nothing’s out of the ordinary, and his dad digs into his food like he does every other night, like he didn’t lose his absolute shit the night before. billy falls for it, believing for just a few minutes that his dad’s moved past it.

it’s when his dad’s finished his dinner that the other shoe finally drops.

“i talked to my boss today,” he starts, “and there’s a job opening in a different warehouse. we leave on friday.”

susan looks speechless, and max looks livid, but billy can feel the floor slipping out from underneath him.

“neil. what-” susan starts, before trailing off uselessly, before finally picking her next question. “where?”

“hawkins,” neil responds, wiping at his face with a cloth before pushing his plate away, “indiana.”

“what the fuck?” billy drops his knife and fork and throws a hand out, “indiana?”

“indiana? indiana?” max yells, completely disregarding neil and throwing all her anger at her mother.

“neil, we should talk about this, i mean-” susan tries, but falls silent when neil shoots her a look.

“we move,” he levels them all with a look, one at a time, “on friday. no questions.”

“what about my dad? what about my friends?” max bites out, levelling neil a look right back.

billy feels like he can’t fucking breathe, wants to tell her that neil doesn’t give a flying fuck about her dad, couldn’t care less about keeping them separated - just look at the situation they’re in now - but theres a lump in his throat, and he doesn’t think he could talk right now if he tried.

“phones exist, maxine” neil responds, ending the conversation there and then, pushing his chair out and heading to the living room.

susan has her head in her hands but quickly picks herself up and tries to do damage control with max, even if max doesn’t seem to be having a bar of it.

billy’s fucking shaking. doesn’t even know where to begin to fix this. there was no phone number in the letter, no forwarding address, no contact information. just his mom telling him she’s trying, she’s doing everything she can.

there’s only gonna be so much she can do if neil drags him half way across the fucking country.

he’s only had the hope of his mother coming back into his life for just over a day and he’s already grown so attached to the idea that the thought of it no longer happening has him spiralling in ways he’s never felt before.

fuck.

(they move on the friday. arrive on a sunday. billy builds his new room from the ground up, his bed frame and mattress along side a few items of clothes and bedside table objects being the only survivors of neils rampage. everything else he improvises or goes without. 

him and max are on the outs. billy unable to see past his own rage and grief, and so so quick to blame, and max just as angry and emotional as he is, but with only half the picture, fully ready to give it right back.

billy hoping and praying that somehow, his mum figured out that neil moved them. that she knows where he is, how to find him. but the longer he goes without another letter, the more it sinks in that it’s too late. the small window they had is closed. 

neil watches him like a hawk now, makes him chauffeur max around town, keeps on top of him about his grades, his extra curricular activities. their new house in hawkins is bigger, but billy’s never felt so trapped.

max has a bat in her hands, and billy was standing, but now he’s on the floor, and there’s other kids around cheering her on, there’s blood on his hands, and this isn’t the night billy had planned, but this is the night billy got. he listens to her tell him to stay away, watches as she swings the bat, hears her yell ‘say it’, can feel whatever the fuck she injected him with running though his veins, and wants to scream.

he didn’t realise how much of neil got to her, too. wishes neil got to her in the same way he got to him, that she would just fucking understand, then hates himself for it. 

that’s the one thing that him and sue can agree on, that max stays out of it.

they settle on a truce eventually. billy so fucking tired, can’t hold onto the constant anger anymore, and max never really knowing the real reason they were fighting to begin with. the older she gets, the more of the picture she sees, but they never show her all the colours, and she’s already discovered her own monsters in this town, she can’t handle the idea of them living in her own home, so she tries her hardest to look the other way.

it’s not easy though, and it doesn’t take much for the illusion to shatter.

her and billy going from having a truce, to having an actual understanding. she’s still none the wiser about his mother, and billy’s never gonna just open up and spill his guts, but she knows enough. has had one or two of her own run-ins with neil. knows how to read the room now from the second she steps in the house, the way billy’s always been able to. 

he’s not actually that bad of a brother to have, now that she’s finally getting to know him.

that’s the only thought going though her head, when she watches him stand up to the mindflayer.

she watches him take on an inter-dimensional monster, a monster that el can only fight with her supernatural powers, that will had to get burned out of him, a monster that can tear apart the literal fabric of the universe, and thinks, he was never actually that bad of brother, when she finally started to understand him. 

sees him use nothing but his bare hands to fight back, to save el and her, to save all of them, and wants to throw up. her minds screaming at her to run towards him, to pull him away, for them all to run, but she can’t fucking move, all she can do is watch.

the monster finally falls, but so does billy, and when max’s feet finally find movement, she’s running to his side as fast as she can. she begs and pleads and cries, trying so fucking hard to help get him through this, but all he does is look at her, tears in his eyes and and covered in blood, and chokes out an i’m sorry. 

max feels his last breath leave him, and feels the second his heart stops beating and thinks, i’ll never get the chance to fully know him, now.

billy’s written out to be a hero in the local news reports, saving them all from a tragic fire, and everyone around town offers their condolences every chance they get. max wants to hit something. she dreads going out, doesn’t wanna see a single pitying look. has stopped answering the front door, doesn’t wanna eat another fucking casserole from patricia, who lives two houses down, who’s married to harry, who accused billy of stealing his garden shit like once a fucking week, getting billy in the shit with neil, constantly.

a month passes, and things are tense. neil’s drinking more than ever, having lost his job just two days after billy’s funeral. her mum’s trying to keep things together, but there’s only so much she can do when nobody else is willing. 

max sure as fuck isn’t about to try and play happy families.

it’s on a thursday night when the doorbell rings, and max tightens the grip on her fork.

“you’d think they’d have run out of recipes to try on us,” max mutters dully, before shoving some mash potato in her mouth.

“ignore it,” neil says to susan, completely disregarding max, before going back to his own dinner.

the doorbell rings again, and then again a third time, and a fourth time. susan grows tenser with every bell that chimes, and max looks between both adults, waiting to see who’ll break first.

neil slams his knife and fork down on the table before shoving his chair out and storming towards the door, ripping it open. susan follows quickly, and max rolls her eyes before following as well. it’s been at least a week since the last neighbour tried to shove food at them, and maybe it might be some baked goods from mrs. taylor this time. at least she can actually bake.

max doesn’t recognise the person at the front door, but it’s clear neil does.

she has long wavy blonde hair, terrified eyes, and looks like she’s ready to go to war.

“where is he?” she asks, her arms folded and hands white knuckling in their grip. “he’s eighteen now, you can’t keep me away.”

max feels her stomach sink.

“he’s been eighteen for months now,” neil says back, monotonous.

max watches the terrified look get overshadowed by anger.

“do you have any idea how long it took me to find you, to find him, after you up and left?” she takes a stop forward and throws a hand out, giving neil a filthy look before breathing out and looking away.

her eyes have turned to water, and max watches as she wipes at her eyes the exact same way billy did when neil got him to turn to water at the kitchen table.

“well,” neil starts, some emotion creeping back into his voice, “you’re too fucking late.”

neil slams the door in her face.)

(billy’s mum sticks around, because she refuses to leave without answers, not after searching for her baby for almost eleven years, and now, finally getting so fucking close she could touch.

she can’t touch, though, because there’s six feet of earth between them. her baby boy’s in a wooden box, buried deep underground, with dead flowers at his grave- flowers that have probably been there since the day of his funeral - because no one’s been to visit him.

she touches his headstone gently, traces the words ‘gone but not forgotten’ with her fingertips, and she’s spent the entire time since susan tried to brokenly explain everything denying it, but right here, looking at his grave, she can’t anymore. once the first tear slips, they don’t stop.

susan stands a small distance away, max just beside her, and feels the guilt and smallest hint of relief crush her. 

guilt at never knowing who this person was, never even knowing she was trying to reach out. guilt for accepting everything neil every told her without question or fight. guilt for every occasion she looked the other way, the way she complied every time neil said he’d parent his son, and she’d parent her daughter. 

guilt at the bone-deep relief that it’s billy in the grave, and not max. 

susan still doesn’t know what happened for sure that night, all the details never quite adding up, but the only solid thing max would give her was that billy saved her. billy died to save them all.

one time, susan spent some of their savings on fixing the kitchen sink. when neil got home and saw the little money jar on the bench emptier than when he’d left for work, he instantly accused billy. it has been the last day of school that day, with no commitments to be at for at least a week. 

neil didn’t hold back. 

billy tried to reason that he wouldn’t be stupid enough to try and steal money from the extremely obvious savings jar, especially when he already had a job and income of his own, but the more billy denied it, the angrier neil got.

neil didn’t get violent with billy in front of her often, but he seemed to be on a hair trigger that night, and susan didn’t know where to even begin to try stop it.

she tried to step in gently, to tell neil that it was her, that the sink needed some maintenance. he didn’t listen to a word she said. she gave up without a fight.

it wasn’t until later that night that susan found out that neil’d got his second warning at work, one more warning and he’d be fired. he claimed he didn’t deserve the warnings, that saving money didn’t mean cutting corners, just meant he knew how to do his job efficiently. his boss didn’t agree. 

she tried to justify it to herself that billy probably would’ve copped it that night either way.

billy came out to the kitchen the next morning with a swollen face and a barely noticeable limp and got himself a glass of water. turned the tap on with extra force since it’d been fucking up lately, only for it to turn on without any effort at all, no noise or clunks either. he turned to look at susan, look at the money jar, then clenched his jaw and abandoned his still full cup in the sink, and locked himself up in his room, his music blaring just a second later. 

he barely acknowledged her for a week.

now, as she stands back and watches his mother weep, she thinks she may never be able to forgive herself.

thinks that if someone ripped max away from her, and she finally found her again after searching for basically max’s entire life, only to find her in a casket, after living with someone so spineless they couldn’t even protect her, that she would never be okay again.)

(max not knowing how to talk to billy’s mum. leaving the room every time she enters it. not knowing how to handle the fact that she’s alive, and billy’s dead, and she just stood back and watched. 

just wanting to go to sleep and never wake up on the nights she stays up too late thinking about how she stood by and watched him die a slower and more painful death long before the mind flayer ever came into the picture.

billy’s mum’s not having it, is the thing. 

she’s read the articles, listened to the towns people talk. heard all praise about her sons heroics as well as the quiet re-tellings of his delinquent ways. listened to the whispers about his reckless california driving, his dangerous and careless attitude, only for them to paste a sympathetic smile on their face when she rounds the corner, muttering about how he died too young, was taken too soon. the police telling her how this town lost a lot of people that night, but her sons final actions saved more than he could ever know, except they say his name like they’re pushing it through gritted teeth, and she wants to scream. her baby boy died to save his little sister and her friends, and this town will never forgive him for being the teenager he was raised to be. 

she tries so fucking hard to talk to max at every given chance, just so she can hear about him though her eyes.

max cracks eventually. she leans into the part of her that billy carved out and shaped himself, the side of her that jumps straight to anger and rage and disbelief. yells at his mum for leaving him in the first place, of fucking up her only son beyond belief, then after watching his mum take it so fucking gracefully and so fucking deeply, turning on herself. spits out about how much of a shit show this family really was. how she was just his shitty little sister. how they hated each other most days, and had only just started to get along. how she never should've been in that mall in the first place, and billy sure as hell shouldn’t have been there either. how he never should have died, especially the way he did, because he was never meant to be a part of it to begin with. how it’s her fault. how she could have, should have, saved him, but she froze up, because she was scared, she was fucking terrified, and so billy took it, and now he’s dead. and it’s all her fault.

when she finally looks back at his mum, there’s tears streaming down her face, and she has a hand over her mouth trying to stifle any sobs, but she’s still looking at max with such fucking soft eyes, and then she’s slowly walking towards her with her arms open wide, and max is falling into them and breaking down before she can think of running away.

billy’s mum carding a hand through her hair and telling her that it’s okay, that she’s gonna be okay, that it’s not her fault. starts telling her about how billy’s always been a do first, think later person, that he’s had the biggest heart she ever knew since the second he came into her life. how he use to try and protect her from neil, no matter the consequence. that he’s been protecting his family since before he even knew what it meant, or that he was even doing it. it was just how he was. how that’s how she knows max must’ve been important to him, because she still doesn’t quite know what happened in that fire, but she knows in her heart that billy knew exactly what he was doing in his last moments, and it was making sure max got home safely, and that’s probably all that mattered to him. that max made it home.

she was family to him, and therefore max was family to her.

she’s gonna spend the rest of her life with regrets and a sadness so deep that it’ll never be moved, but she got to meet the person, and the people, that billy died saving, and it’s never gonna be the same as the future she had dreamed about, the one she’s spent the past eleven years planning, but this is all she’s got. she’s gonna miss her son until her last breath, but she’s so so so fucking happy that billy had someone in his life that he cared about so deeply, he was willing to give it all up for her.)

(billy’s mum visiting his grave every chance she gets, and starting off every visit with an apology. telling him about the first time she held him in her arms, how he changed her life forever, and how she promised him that they’d both make it out of this life alive. how she’s so so so fucking sorry she failed him, and she was gonna spend the rest of her life making it up to him. 

updating him on max and susan, about how neil left, just fucking walked out one day, taking most the money with him, but it’s okay, cos she offered up the spare room and the pull out couch in her trailer to them, and max is now claiming part time custody of the neighbours dog. 

tells him about how max told her about the time he tried to teach her to surf, and she was so so so bad at it, but he kept dragging her out into the waves after spending what felt like hours on the shore teaching her the steps, and finally it clicked, and max still remembers the look on billy’s face the first time she caught her first wave. remembers how he fucking laughed at her when she inevitably wiped out.

tells him how susan seems to walk on eggshells around her, thanking her everyday for giving them a place to stay, and how once she’s back on her feet, they’ll be out of her hair. how she has her suspicions about why susan looks at her with such guilt in her eyes, but she knows what it’s like to be married to neil hargrove, and while there’s a part of her that’s so so so angry, she fucking gets it. she understands it in the most horrifying way possible, and she’s already made her peace with it.

she’s just so fucking sorry that billy spent so long thinking it was him against the world. that she abandoned him, that max had someone love her enough in the house to keep her safe, but billy believed he had no one.

eddie being one of them.

eddie and billy seeming to become eddie and billy overnight, like one day they were strangers and the next they were basically inseparable.

eddie walking up behind billy in the hallway and swinging an arm over his shoulder, fucking with his hair, before dumping half the shit he was carrying in billy’s basically unused satchel. billy giving him a what the fuck look but still holding it open for him, and eddie rolling his eyes and saying it was fucking empty anyway, billy shoving his satchel onto eddie's shoulder cos he’s not carrying around eddie's shit for him all day.

eddie being able to lean against billy's car, jump in the passenger seat without an invitation or even a comment, cos billy does the same thing to eddie's van just as often.

they have one class together, and their teacher’s given up on separating them, cos eddie’s just gonna talk to billy from across the room anyway, and billy’s gonna throw notes back to him, ripping up the piece of paper he borrowed from the guy beside him and throwing them at eddie's hair.

they have fun in detention together.

heathers another one.

they’re coworkers, yeah, but heather was probably the first person that billy ever truly gave a shit about in this shithole of a town. heathers been a cheerleader since becoming a cheerleader was an option, but somehow, like billy these days, always seems to just do her own thing.

she can sit on billy’s lap at lunch if they both bother with the cafeteria and the most billy will do is wrap an arm around her waist and move around 'til their more comfortable.

she can go through his shit to find his car keys to make a quick run to his car at lunch to find some spare hairbands and bobby-pins cos her’s broke and billy’s got spare shit everywhere in his car ever since he basically started being everyone’s personal chauffeur.

she can drag his notes across and copy everything he's written cos she was too busy texting chrissy under the table to pay attention and the most billy will do is ask what the plans were for that night. his notes half the time are basically illegible but billy's more or less somehow got mostly straight A's so heather'll take it.

sometimes she wears his jacket. rips him off about the lip stain. billy tells her to do a better one since she gives so much of a fuck.

chrissy joins billy’s inner-circle slowly, then instantly.

billy knows of her, has probably even spoke to her, but it’s not until they meet in eddie's trailer and all smoke up together - eddie and billy fucking around on eddie's guitars, heather with her feet swung over the back of the couch, chrissy sitting tense on the single armchair before slowly loosening up - that billy feels like he actually meets her.

suddenly, she’s pulling away from jason, from the other basketball players, from all her cheer friends, and slowly she’s hanging out with heather under the bleachers, she’s meeting up with eddie in the woods, and she’s waiting around the camaro at the end of the day to catch a ride home.

suddenly billy’s waiting around after basketball/cheer practice until chrissy’s ready to leave, cos jason's been talking a lot of shit lately, and billy doesn’t really think he’s got it in him to do something reckless, but he’s also not stupid enough to underestimate a guy like jason carver.

chrissy getting nervous when she sees jason loitering around but then she sees billy waiting just behind him, and she’s feeling brave suddenly, so she practically dances her way over to billy, grabs his hand before leaning into his side, and billy’s leaning right back and dropping her hand so he can wrap his arm around her shoulder, and she leaves without looking back. billy flips jason the bird over his shoulder.

max, obviously, when she starts going to the same high school. they’ve spent the previous summer working so much shit out, and it doesn’t mean they’re not still at each others throats over the stupidest shit, but it does mean that when billy bitches about having to wait around after her stupid nerd clubs, he does it without that much heat, and when max bitches about having to deal with the fact that every single person and teacher in this damn school has an opinion on her just becos she’s billy hargrove’s little sister, she sometimes sounds kind of proud to have that label. most of the time, she’s just annoyed.

max sometimes shoves her shit in billy’s locker, becos her locker’s full of dustin’s science shit, and sometimes when she’s carrying her board around at the end of the day, billy’ll come up behind her and smack it out of her grasp before skating down the hallway. she always feels vindicated when billy gets caught though, cos she never does. 

shaking billy down for lunch money, cos susan seems to think max actually likes tunafish sandwiches, when she rly truly fucking hates them. billy usually telling her to fucking scram, but occasionally giving in and passing her some change.

max sometimes tracking him down at the start of her lunch period and holding a hand out for his car keys, a pissed off look on his face, and billy takes one look behind he to see her lil gang looking all shifty, and billy - having been on the receiving end of her attitude fucking constantly in the past - just sighing before handing his keys over. more often than not, trailing behind her, even when she tells him to fuck off, just throwing a shit eating grin her way with an aww, so little maxine can have a pity party for one? fuck no. what'd the fuckers do this time?

lucas, becos he’s max’s boyfriend, and also becos he’s on the team, and he seems to be sneaking over every other weekend, and things may still be rocky between them, but since billy make his apology, they’ve been getting better. they’re not exactly besties, but sometimes they play a one on one game after practice ends and no one’s in a rush to get home, and most times lucas will win becos he’s honestly just better than billy at basketball, and each time billy will ask for best out of three, then best out of five, cos he fucking sucks at losing.

when jason and some of the other basketball dickheads start trying to drag lucas in, pulling their fake shit only to split whenever it’s convenient, billy just watches on before rolling his eyes and pulling lucas’ gear closer to his in the locker room and gives him the worlds shittest pep talk. jason carver ain’t shit, trust me. fuck that guy.

shit escalating when susan and max come on the scene, billy lashing out everytime neil refers to them as his new family and neil lashing out when billy refuses to accept it. one short hospital trip two days before the wedding day has his mum finally getting increased time, custody going up to every other week, and neil getting basically just a fucking slap on the wrist.

his mum and neil not even being able to be in the same room together without yelling at each other, and billy counting down the days til he can finally have his own say on where he wants to spend his time, even though he knows it's not guaranteed.

billy's mum always wanting a big family, and refusing to let neil take that dream from her, even though she can't ever see herself marrying another man again. deciding to have a baby the new-fashion way, and starting IVF. giving billy a little half brother just after his 10th birthday, then another one after his 12th, then another after his 15th.

his mum fucking showering them all with love and affection and warmth, and billy being genuinely happy for the entire week he's there, even if the clock in his head starts counting down every second until he has to leave the moment he walks in the door. him feeling like the life's bring sucked out of him the as soon as he's back at his dads.

him and max having a fragile relationship. billy not wanting to be there and not making a secret of it, constantly stuck thinking of her and susan as outsiders, and the more neil tries to force them on him, the more billy rejects them. max getting promised a big brother, and getting a moody asshole instead. he has his moments though, sometimes after he gets back from his mums, and every time she gets that side of him, she thinks maybe if he wasn't such a dickhead, he might actually be cool.

then, a new court date looms closer, and as it approaches, neil suddenly gets a job offer he can't refuse, half way across the fucking country. billy's mum flips her shit, showing up on their front door step and raising hell. it doesn't change anything though, just seems to drag the moving out process longer, having to get lawyers involved and sign new agreements.

billy being so so so fucking angry at the entire fucking world because nothing is fucking fair, and neil being a smug asshole about it.

going from seeing his mum every other week to holidays only, and losing his fucking mind about it, taking it out on the people at school, on max, and on his car that one time.

him and max going from fragile to fucking hostile, right up until they reach their breaking point. max loses her shit at him and threatens him with a bat, and billy ignores her entire existence until he can't anymore, and has a breakdown over his entire fucking life after the oldest of his younger half-brothers calls him crying asking why he's never home anymore.

max overhearing the call cos billy took it in the car and max has never claimed to not be a nosy bitch, and giving him the third degree the second he hangs up. billy taking one look at her then punching the steering wheel, driving them to bennys diner instead of school.

billy getting some stuff of his chest becos he can't keep being this angry all the time, he feels like he's losing his fucking grip. max listening, and still keeping her distance, but also maybe starting to get shit. being slightly jealous that billy's so close with his mum when her dad won't even pick up the phone, and also being slightly fucking cut that billy barely seems to give a shit about her but apparently cares so much about a couple of half siblings that she didn't even know existed until today.

billy making an effort to try and not be such a dick after that, knows it's not her fault that their family's such a shitshow.

max getting introduced to billys mum and his brothers via facetime, and billy's mum basically fucking adopting her through the phone, even getting added to the group chat.

billys mum rolling into town for billy's 18th, bringing the boys and argyle as a surprise. billy going from thinking his birthdays gonna pass with barely even a blink, to realising max is acting suss as fuck and basically fucking demanding him to take her out that night. him being pissed that he has to chauffeur her around still, today of all days, only to feel actual genuine fucking joy the second the youngest of his brothers run up to him, argyle right behind him.