#notsome

My life is so fucked up right now. Maybe ‘fucked up’ is an exaggeration to describe my life right now, but I am a student, and my life as a student is so fucked up.

I apply for a re-affiliation for all of my three student organizations, and currently applying for another one. I just got accepted into one of my org last semester, so I have to apply for affiliation for this semester. It was not in my plan to re-affiliate myself to the other two, I’m not sure what really happen, I just found myself submitting the re-aff form. I can still manage my time, but I can’t deny that these organizations affect my academic performance. I regret I did this, I’ll never repeat this. 

I feel that my student life is so fucked up every time I think about all the requirements I have to submit, and all of them are overdue for at least a week and a half. To make this thing worse for me, I can’t tell anyone about these still-to-be-submitted-requirements so I have to pretend that already submitted them. Why? Because of my pride. My batch mates don’t think of me as the bright student who can top an exam, but I do not have that image of an irresponsible student who doesn’t do and pass her class requirements on time, which is what I really am right now. 

I prioritize group submission activities. I make sure I’ve done my part, so the group will not be late for submitting our activity, without them knowing that I still have to do my individual activity for another subject due in some minutes. Why? I can’t let my image be the-group-mate-who-doesn’t-do-her-part.

Someone said that if you do not want to fall in love with someone, list all the negatives, or things you do not like about that person for you to realize that (s)he’s not perfect and make you think again if you really like her/him. Now, I’m making that list.

1. We both like extreme activities. I like them because they are extreme activities. You like them just to have great pictures doing them.

You’re good at posing. I’m good at doing them.

2. I love you.  You love being loved. 

You’re not in love. 

I’m still wishing that this is only an infatuation.

3. You never ask for ‘that thing’, but expect to receive ‘that thing’.

How will I know if you still want it? What makes it hard for you to ask for something you really want?

4. I like weird [cute weird] people. You think you are weird. 

No, you are not. You’re not different with the usual people we bump into during a usual day.

5. You’re not living healthy.

I think this is the best reason not to fall for you. haha.

6. We are at the both ends of the university.

You probably have no idea what I’m studying about. I’m not interested in yours.

7. I think I have a different version of you in my mind.

I read your posts and thought I knew you. I forgot that a person’s version on the internet is different in his/her version in real life.