♒Aquarian ♒

It's been awhile tumblr (hello with a wink).

Wala lang, di ko lang mapigilan ilabas yung inis siguro ko sa isang tao, samahan mo na din ng sama ng loob pero promise I'm good now HAHA thanks to a friend na laging nakikinig sa mga kwento ko. (A.P 😆). Nyways, bakit ba may mga taong hirap mag move on sa buhay lalo na kung unang una sila naman ang naunang nang iwan sayo at pangalawa ang tagal tagal na at halos wala na nga akong maalala sa mga nangyare haha. Itong tao kasing to wla ng binigay saken kundi sama ng loob at bad memories, matagal na naman akong nakalimot. Oo nag message sya sakin nung birthday ko pero di ko pinansin, I know i was being hard or mean pero sa isip2 ko mag te thank you ako at tapos? Magiging okay na ulit lahat? Hindi ko pinansin kasi I don't want to start a conversation with someone na ayaw ko na sa buhay ko, no hard feelings pero I'm so fed up. Ang pagkakaalala ko kasi sya yung unang umalis, mi wala nga syang narinig saken eh. Gusto nya umalis sa buhay ko so Okay fine Gooooo, nung umalis ka di kita pinigilan kaya panindigan mo yan. Hindi lang naman yun ang pagkakataon na ginawa nya yun, it was the second time ang tanga ko naman di ba kung hahayaan ko lang syang mg labas masok sa buhay ko. And nakakatawa nga kasi i felt bad before,nung di ko pa alam yung mga bagay2 na dapat kong malaman. Next thing i know pagkatapos ko syang i unblocked sa fb inadd nya ako ulit, HAHAHA ano to bakit? sabi ko nlang sa self ko hahaha. Pinag isipan ko ng matagal i think umabot ng 3 mons at di ko pa din ma confirmed2 HAHA 😆. Pero yung kaibigan kong pakialamero na delete yung friend request nya haha ano pa magagawa ko. Hindi ako nang stalk or what tiningnan ko lang talaga yung fb profile nya out of the blueeeee and then i dunno i felt like something's strange sa mga post nya kasi parang coincedence lang ba or talagang nanadya sya? Ang masasabi ko lng naman is bitter sya sa totoo lang.😁 Bakit? Hindi mo lang nakuha ang gusto mo pinakita mo na agad kasamaan ng ugali mo. Kaya din naisip ko na mabuti nga na wala ka na sa buhay ko kasi unang una ikaw yung taong di maka move on, di ka naman sardinas pero pinagsisiksikan mo sarili mo sa taong obvious namang naka move on na sayo, pangalawa ang dami mong drama sa buhay mo tinalo mo pa yung mga kdramas na napanuod ko haha, pangatlo hindi ka good vibes, pang apat mapanglait ka sa ibang tao just for you to feel good about urself (bagay nga kayo ni anooo ung bird kala mo kung sinong perfect haha nakakahiya naman),pang lima user ka kagaya ni bird (wag na mg deny bagay talaga kayo swear haha!). Ngayon sabihin na nating ako ang masama dito dahil di kita binigyan ng chance na makipag reconcile,ano naman? Masama bang ayaw ko na ng mga taong childish at madaming drama sa buhay? To tell you honestly wla na talagang pag-asa na magiging okay tayo..well baka after 10 years. Napatawad na kita matagal na sabi mo nga 'u dont need an apology to forgive' di ba. Para saken kasi hindi lahat ng forgiveness means babalik sa dati, forgiveness for me is for self healing and moving on.Never ako naghangad ng bad for you, pinag pray ko nga na sana makuha mo lahat ng goals mo sa buhay pero ayaw ko lang na masali pa sa buhay mo at kung ano mang success ang meron ka. May pinagsamahan tayo oo pero ikaw naman ang naunang nagtapon ng lahat ng yun di ba.Alam ko namang babasahin mo to for sure, ikaw pa ba? I don't know lang dun sa isa HAHAHA pero kung oo Oh wowww naman talaga sobrang fan kita hehe.

Hi tumblr been a long time, you and me and this expressing myself thingy haha i know you missed me but so do I,i missed writing my everyday story and share some quotes that i literraly love. Anyways I'm not totally 100% back, really just bored today you know.. Locked up in this room can't even go outside and I'm way too sick and tired watching netflix all day long.

Lemme just describe the ambiance of this room I'm in,it's all pretty dark in here,light's off just getting some sparkly light from our tiny glass window. Have my playlist on and I'm in the mood for paramore's super powerful songs haha. Anyways,hmmm dunno what to say. I think I'm no longer good at this kind of stuff.

What I am i thinking right now? Nothing much.. Oh yea I have one and i know this sounds a lil bit dramatic or cliche but i have a thing for this thing they call past memories. So what's my thing? Haha. I just realize that when feelings go so thus memories coz before I thought it was the other way around.You know when you still have feelings for someone all of those sweet memories are more of like some fresh picked strawberries or maybe apples and when you don't it is more of like trying to remember something that you just reviewed for a tough exam and you end up remembering only few details. I thought it would be much more easier if your memories go first and feelings will just follow. I thought when you try to manipulate your brain and will constantly remind yourself to stop just when a memory starts to crawl up again then eventually it will get easier to forget those stuffs and so thus feelings. I was wrong,totally wrong and was only focusing on how to get rid of the memories rather than trying to get rid of the feelings. See this feeling thing is really messy and will do anything for you not to get back up and move on without even realizing it. I don't know how it works with other people but to me it works differently. I was struggling to clear and delete all of my memories when in fact that is something that can't be done, not unless you'll get yourself into a type of accident where you would lose all of your memories- much easier haha but not worth it. There's nothing wrong with memories so please readers don't get me wrong,what's wrong is the person that lives in that memories.

It took me like 1 year and 8 months to try and forget all of the memories and it only took less than a minute to forget my feelings. So the question would be how? Actually I didn't do anything but it was more of like the answer arrived just when i need it. But maybe to give a tip,it's more of like you need to know the truth even if it will wreck the hell out of your pure innocent heart. See, in my case I was struggling for something that was not even worth struggling for and it hit me big time yes because I realized how awfully pathetic I was way back then,to put it bluntly i realized how stupid i was and that's okay since I'm all good now. It took only a few seconds to change my feelings, few facts for me to wake up, few tears to console my heart and few hatred to accept the awfull fact that I was wasting my 1 year and 8 mons for someone that is and I think will be forever an awfull liar. I'm not angry nor hatefull, I just wish that I found out earlier rather than trying to fixed it on my own and trying to manipulate my brain and all haha it was deadly impossible.