#nothingelsemattersrp

He sat alone in a dim apartment, staring at the wall. So much had happened, so much gone wrong. He'd been lost for so long, trapped in the dark, and it didn't feel as if anything was changing. The nightmares still plagued him, every night without fail. When was the last time he'd been able to sleep a full night through without something jolting him to overalert wakefulness, aware of every little sound, staring into the shadows as though they would drag him away. He had gotten things mostly under control in his waking life, but even that was wearing on him. Little things, a sudden noise, an unexpected touch, still sent his heart racing, adrenaline flowing. He couldn't help it, though he tried. It was only a limited amount of time before he would end up doing something he'd regret. He almost had just that day...the memory surged up, replaying before his eyes. He'd been trying to talk to Maka. It was more awkward now than it had been before, as he almost had to relearn how to talk to people in general. She'd gotten irritated, as she often did with him - he got clingy, he knew, though he did try not to - and had resorted to hitting him over the head with her book. In that moment...he shuddered. What he could have done... Getting up he wandered slowly into the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. Dull cobalt eyes looked out of a still-pale face framed by lank red hair; he only took the barest care of his appearance these days. What was he becoming? What had he become? He was no use to anyone like this...if anything he was a danger. How could he let himself resonate with Shinigami-sama, or anyone, like this? It would do more harm than good. and Stein...he had been the one to keep Stein in check, steady, as stable as the scientist could be, but now...how could he do that when he could barely cope with himself? Even being near Stein might aggravate his old partner's madness...he couldn't risk that, couldn't let Stein fall through helping him. And Maka...he'd never been much of a father anyway, had he? Especially since the divorce. Clingy, overbearing, annoying, unable to communicate like an adult...he'd ruined their family, she barely tolerated him...maybe they'd been getting better before, but now...he looked down, unable to hold his reflections eyes. Now what could he do for her? He couldn't even keep himself afloat... His eyes fell on the medicine cabinet. There was that. That was an option. It would solve his problems, let everyone stop worrying about him, let them move on...Stein had Marie as a partner now, didn't need Spirit. Shinigami-sama could call Tezca or Azusa to stand beside him until a new Death Scythe was made. Maka was a strong girl, she could take care of herself, and she had Soul...it wouldn't even have to look bad...just an accident. Absentminded Spirit, not thinking...and then it would be over.