#not50yet

When we first moved to NYC, I was often pegged as a midwesterner because I would naturally make eye contact, smile, strike up conversations with total strangers. I noticed things too. I saw the child crying on the subway, the homeless man on the corner, the tired shift worker heading home as I was heading out to work. Recently, I had started to realize that I had quit noticing quite so much. I still smile ten times more than your typical New Yorker. I still notice elderly people needing a seat on the subway or bus. But I was becoming much  more into myself. I have become much more absorbed in my book than watching people. I walk down the street with my earbuds in instead of listening to the conversations and languages around me. 

In general that isn’t a bad thing, but I didn’t want to become so immune and out of tune with what was happening around me that I forgot to consider my fellow humans. So for my big 50th birthday I decided to MAKE myself notice. Part of the goal was to do some anonymous deeds for which I would have no way of knowing the effect they would have (butterfly effect) and others I wanted to get strongly out of my comfort zone and not only see the need around me but do some little thing to fill it. 

So I marked my day planner counting down the 50 days to my birthday. For each of those days I did a small act of kindness. i then recorded the act in my planner, and for some of them that had significant impressions I journaled about them more fully. 

I want to share just a few of the observations and encounters I had as a further reminder of the impact it can have not only on the recipient and giver of kindness, but also, many times, on the people who are merely in the space observing. 

In general, the random acts I did that were not directed at one specific individual, impacted me less, but I have no way of telling what impact they had on someone else’s day. That was fun.These acts were mostly performed by leaving notes of encouragement, and activity books and pens in various places. When we traveled back to Ohio, I left them in PA and Ohio rest areas. 

But the truly meaningful experiences were the ones where I stepped out of my comfort bubble and reached out. 

The very first day. I went for my long run in the park. There is always a homeless man in the same place in the park every time I run there. As a female runner, I am very leery of random men I encounter on my runs. The fact that he is always in the same place, and sees me regularly was scary to me. I said a long prayer on the way. I asked God to stop me if it wasn’t safe to approach him. Instead, I had an overwhelming sense that I absolutely should engage with him. I now know that Neil hangs in the park because his home in the projects isn’t safe, pleasant, or comfortable. He comes to the park to breathe the fresh air, watch the people, and the boats on the water. Now when I run through the park, I wave and say “Hi Neil”. He smiles and gives me a little wave back. I’m not longer scared and he gets a little human interaction for those few seconds I run past. 

One of the days, I decided to buy a beverage for who ever was behind me in the line at Starbucks. i took my earbuds out, smiled at the woman behind me and told her what I would like to do. She argued with me all the way through line, telling me it wasn’t necessary, why would I do this, she wasn’t sure she could let me do it, she even accused me of not being from NYC (YEA!) but in the end she allowed me to buy her coffee. As we were leaving, we introduced herself (Kim was her name) and she said she was going to have to post this on Social Media. I said GO AHEAD! I smiled all morning. I hope she did too. One of the best parts though was watching the faces and body language of all the people around us hearing this exchange and of the barista when we ordered. I know it bolstered their days too and I hope it inspired someone else to reach out as well. 

One other exchange I had was with a beggar on the train. This is one of the places I am MOST jaded. Many of the “homeless” asking for money are working for a network and handler and only want money, even though they say anything will help. I decided to test ( okay so that wasn’t a very kind attitude) this guy. I had an apple in my bag. As he walked past, I said, “would you like an apple?” He agreed that would be great. The whole time I was opening my attache he was muttering “golden delicious, golden delicious, golden delicious” he ended up with Gala because I don’t eat golden delicious but he left like i had given him actual gold. Lesson learned, don’t always make assumptions - ask the question. 

There were exchanges that didn’t go so well. I have noted them as well because they were eye opening to me. One day, it was bitter cold in March here in NYC, I had a brand new pack of 3 pairs of socks for someone. I approached a man in the subway station and he RAN AWAY FROM ME! HE was afraid of ME! Wow, I never stopped to think that there may be some homeless people who are as afraid of those of us who have means and priviledge the same way we avoid them. I had to chew on that for a while. Another time, I offered to buy a teenage girl a meal from the food cart that was by the corner where she was begging, she turned me down because “she only eats junk food”. I judged that one wrong, I would have thought she was seriously a girl down on her luck that would have taken anything someone offered her. 

I know there are people who say we should just be kind and not focus on “daily act of kindess” projects. I can see that reasoning, but if, like me, you are realizing you aren’t paying attention I encourage you to make focused effort. You will benefit and so will so many people around you. 

Where am I going from here. Well first, I’m going to cherish my notebook. I only shared a very few stories here but i have 50 days of notes that make me smile. Hannah is at boot camp. She has asked me to help write and encourage another woman in her platoon that doesn’t seem to be getting much support from home so I am now writing her every time I write Hannah. And, after four years of not really doing any volunteer projects, I have found a little way to contribute in the arts here that I believe will feed my soul. 

I love how I have acclimated to NYC and I love living here. I believe more of us can notice those around us and make the city a nicer place for all who live and visit here. 

One that that was very difficult before we were empty nesters was spontaneously going on a date any time we wanted. At first, it was because we were still college students and had very little money that period of time also overlapped with both of us having jobs requiring evenings, weekends and unpredictable hours. Once the girls arrived, money was still tight, but there was also the issue of scheduling babysitters, extra-curricular activities, and just generally being exhausted. 

I am happy to report that neither of us having any intention of persuing an advanced degree, having any more children. We are now both in jobs that are as typically 9-5 as you can get in 2018 and, while not rolling in cash, we are comfortable enough to splurge on a show, or a meal out on occasion. 

Kinky Boots has been on my MUST SEE list for years. Everything worked together this past week for us to get a chance to go see it. I’m so happy we did, because I started hearing (after we purchased our tickets) that it is leaving in April! Greg is a member of TDF which offers discount tickets at times. He saw this pop up on the list and we decided to go. 

The Hirschfeld Theater is a beautiful (albeit without much leg room) old theater. There is some interesting frieze work and stained glass in the bathroom area. 

At first all I noticed was the stained glass, but then I got to looking at the figures underneath. There isn’t much about this online when I decided to dig a little deeper. Here is a link about some of the history of the building and the shows that have played there. 

Now let’s talk about the show. I had seen the movie on Amazon and I have listened to the soundtrack many times on Spotify so I was prepared and excited for what I was about to see and hear. It is, in my opinion, impossible to really know a show or appreciate it until the point at which you see it live. Everything creates an energy and a mood that you just will never get with film. This cast was absolutely freaking amazing! I was a little disappointed that Mark Ballas had left the previous weekend after a few months of playing Charlie. All disappointment vanished with the performance by Conor Maynard. He WAS Charlie Price. He moved me to tears, laughter, thoughtfulness, and back to laughter and tears again with his portrayal of a man struggling to know himself and to accept others. Wow, don’t we all struggle with not only what are personal desires are, but what our family and friends expect of us as well? 

He, along with most of the rest of the cast were also very kind in taking time after a long, hard night of work to stop by the stage door line to sign autographs and take some photos. 

When we received our programs we discovered that Stephane Duret would be playing the role of Lola instead of J. Harrison Ghee. Now, I mean no disrespect to Mr. Ghee because he has been in Kinky Boots for a while, but if I had not read the insert in the program prior to the show I would have had zero idea that we were seeing the understudy. Stephane’s performance was above superb. i told him as he was signing my program that I had wanted to see this show for ever and he exceeded my every expectation of how much I was going to enjoy it! That was not a lie. I hope he has a long future on Broadway (this play is his debut) and I intend to follow him and see more of what he is in. 

Lest I forget the women in the play, Caroline Bowman (Nicola) and Carrie St. Louis (Lauren) rocked the house. I know I am using too many superlatives in this post, but WOW just WOW. I can’t find my School of Rock program right this minute. It is still packed from the move this summer, but I am almost certain Carrie St Louis was in School of Rock when Hannah and I attended that show. I kept feeling all evening like I had seen her before but I couldn’t place her. That is a great credit to an actress in my opinion because she played the characters equally well but gave them their own....well... character. I will have to dig it out and find out if I am right. In any case, I would love to see her and Caroline Bowman in whatever they are doing after Kinky Boots. 

Now, about the show. I’m sure if you know nothing about it you have made a rash judgment based on the title alone. Yes, there are drag queens in the show. In fact, any time the Angels were on stage dancing they stole the show. The dance on the conveyor belts was amazing! But the whole point of the show is an important life lesson we all need to learn, relearn, practice, teach and learn again. In fact, here is Lola’s Six Step Programme: 

1. Pursue the Truth 2. Learn Something New 3. Accept Yourself and You’ll Accept Others Too 4. Let Love Shine 5. Let Pride Be Your Guide 6. You Change the World When You Change Your Mind! 

Read them, recite them, live them! Seriously, there is so much hate in the news right now. There is so much happening that is humanly hateful and wrong. Being in a theater full of people who were embracing these tenets, singing, clapping, laughing, crying, dancing together gave me just a few hours of rest, relaxation and hope for better days. 

I often get frustrated that there isn’t more I can do personally to change the oceans of hate and terrible treatment of others that I hear about daily. But you know what? Those six statements above? I can do that! 

This move from College Point Queens to Astoria Queens has not only made our commute to work so much shorter and easier, it has also made it easier to do things in the city on the weekend. For the past couple years I have been avoiding runs that took place in Central Park because it could take me upwards of 2 hours to get there. When the runs starts at 7:00 am or 8:00 am it took too much commitment to get up that early. 

Yesterday I met up with a bunch of the Mamas Run Queens group to run Another Mother Runner’s Motherlode of Miles run organized by Carrie (one of our members). Even with construction delays on our subway line that meant taking a shuttle bus and waiting on the train for 10 minutes once I got to the station, it still only took me 35 minutes to get there. Sweet! This girl’s going to be running in Central Park more often. 

There is almost always beautiful and/or interesting artwork at the southeast entrance to the park. This sculpture is what is currently there. It is called Wind Sculpture SG1 by Yinka Shonibare. I found it to be both beautiful and interesting. 

After almost four years of living in New York City, I have finally run around the iconic Reservoir. While I have done races in the park they do not usually run this path. I can’t wait to go back and do it again. It is so beautiful and there was a glorious breeze off the water. 

We ended the run at La Pain Quotien in the park near the boat pond and Alice in Wonderland statue. This was a great way to kick off the first weekend of fall. 

I was particularly happy to lace up and get out there as the weather was finally a little cooler and a lot less humid. I had also been injured for about a week so there had been a question as to whether I would really be able to participate even if I showed up. I am happy to say there was some achiness but I was able to complete the whole run. I send my love to all the mamas for not judging how stinking slow I am. I especially appreciate Joan for sticking with me the entire distance and Carrie for adding extra miles running back to guide us so we didn’t get lost. 

Last Saturday we took advantage of one of the last beautiful days of summer to get outside, breathe some fresh (non-city) air, and explore somewhere we had never been before. We drove the car out on Long Island to visit Oyster Bay and the Sagamore Hill National Historic Site. 

For those who don’t know, Sagamore Hill is the country home of former President Theodore Roosevelt. This home was built on a working farm around just before the turn of the 20th century. it is situated on Oyster Bay which is on the northwest side of Long Island outside of Queens which is considered part of New York City. 

The drive out to the area was surprisingly easy. We had anticipated much more traffic but were very happy to have a mostly stress-free drive. It was particularly nice as we got within about three miles of the site - we began to drive country type roads reminiscent of rural areas with which we are familiar. 

After stopping at the Visitor’s Center we went into Oyster Bay to find some lunch before time for our tour of the home. I was NOT impressed with Oyster Bay itself. There were very few restaurant options and many of them were not open for lunch. We have become very spoiled by having so many options for eating out any time day or night. We ended up buying some Mexican food from a little bodega and taking it back to Sagamore Hill for a picnic. 

The home itself is set up on a hill with a fantastic view of the woods. We gathered on the porch to start our tour and I could have sat there all day. 

Once inside the home (no pictures allowed) it was interesting to me to compare it to the Biltmore Mansion in North Carolina that was constructed around the same time. Here are two of the richest American families of the time (at least on paper) building these opulent, abodes for their families. Both embraced the newest technologies of the day and were prone to extravagance but they really could not have been more different in ambiance. 

Where the Biltmore is full of art, gold, fancy fabrics etc,, Sagamore Hill has a much more homey feel. There are quilts instead of spreads on the beds, there are book stacked in every room and we were told more than once every book was bought with the purpose of reading it. Teddy read one and a half books a day. Edith recorded that every book was purchased because someone had the desire to read it. The Biltmore has a beautiful library but I don’t remember hearing they are were avid readers of the pages. 

Sagamore Hill is also full of many of Roosevelt’s hunting treasures. This is not the place for anyone sensitive to animal conservation issues to visit. There are zebra, bear, lion and cheetah rugs. There is a trash can crafted out of an elephant’s hoof and an inkwell crafted out of a rhino hoof. There are also artifacts from his travels around the world throughout. For being the home of a large family, the rooms were rather small and often children shared space with others. 

As a dedicated journal writer and blogger, I found it interesting to hear that Edith had written faithfully every day about the events of the day before. When she was approaching death, she burned all those pages. When asked why she would do that, she replied “because it is nobody’s d*** business”. Wow, wonder how she would feel about Facebook and Twitter. 

We were not permitted to take pictures in the house. We did follow a nice path through the woods that was put there by the Roosevelts for the purpose of visiting the beach. It is amazing to stop and think about walking through the halls and woods where these famous Americans trod. 

The last part of our visit was to the Old Garden home. This home was build by Teddy Jr and his wife after purchasing the land from his mother. This home has now been converted into a Teddy Roosevelt museum that covers his life, his military career, his presidency and his hunts. I did not know much about him other than general facts learned in school, but came out so much more knowledgeable. 

I have been writing a blog over on Blogger for the past 3.5 years about the transition of moving from rural Ohio to New York City with our younger daughter who was a freshman in high school at the time. Now she has graduated and moved back to Ohio temporarily. Life in New York City has become our norm so there aren’t really a lot of new “impressions” for this Ohio native. However, we have shifted into a whole new realm of our lives - The Empty Nest. We are fortunate enough to live in an amazing city with so much to offer in the ways of culture, sports, history, food etc. I realized while writing the previous blog I really enjoy writing my thoughts about the experiences we have. I also discovered there are more than a few people who like to read what I write. 

So here it is, the next chapter of our lives. We have moved to a new apartment and I’m moving the blog to a new platform. Just like when I started at Blogger I’m sure I will learn to finesse these posts the more of them I write. Mostly I write to keep a journal for myself. I am happy to share my thoughts with those who are interested.

I hope you feel like you are pouring a cup of coffee (or glass of wine) and cozying up on my sofa with me to hear about our latest adventures. 

Welcome!