#not definitely

I haven't.

I MEAN IT WOULD MAKE SENSE FOR SHANE TO CALL RYAN “RY” IN THE CONTEXT THAT’S GIVEN LIKE:

“Well we’re out of questions, Ry, we got the finale coming up.”

Which makes sense, but it can also be interpreted as:

“Well we’re out of questions, right? We got the finale coming up.”

It really can’t be determined what Shane said or what he meant to say, but it’s the closest thing I got to a Ry and fuck it; I’m running with it.

i recognize a feeling of pleasure from the moment when other people appreciate me and more than pleasing, it can be healing and energizing and enlightening in very unique ways. but not exclusively. there are other things, many and too, that i find healing and energizing and enlightening in the absence of feeling like anyone is noticing or recognizing my importance at all. there are experiences that heal and energize and enlighten me when i feel my most invisible. not all. but plenty, and important ones. 

there is also a great sense of freedom and relief when i feel healed or energized or enlightened without the attention of appreciation, without any attention. there is so much room there, to be and receive. whole and without any performing or recording or notice. it still exists. i can feel; i can receive. 

when i imagine that no-one in the world might never ever again ever notice or find me important in any way, along with a sense that I might still be allowed to exist and experience and wonder and be curious and hurt and heal and be energized and depleted and re-enlightened once again. interaction without a huge weight or importance, without needing to accomplish anything but the showing up, nothing but the living..? i am downright excited at the prospect. 

i have never ever been more grateful or receptive to a sensation in my whole entire existence. let me be ignored and curious for the most part. interacted with incidentally. what would it hurt, if we all just interacted, incidentally. there would be no reason to taint those interactions with anything but positivity as long as no one’s importance was at stake. let importance remain a non-thing. eh?