#nonna

I noticed she is literally the real-life version of Gia's grandma, known as Nonna

Where time slows down and the flavors get stronger — straight from Southern Italy's Calabria.

and I was getting ready for bed last night and I happened to notice a doily which nonna made, which is in my room, because I grabbed it to remember her by when my sister was cleaning out the house after nonna died in 2021.

and I've been seeing doily patterns when I trawl r/crochet but it hadn't ever really clicked, you know? so I got out the magnifying glass and I took the doily under a strong light, and

and

it's crochet. it's just teeny-tiny crochet.

all this time I thought "tatting lace" or "making doilies" was some mysterious complicated thing but no, I can see the chains, I can interpret the dcs, I was just making an African flower granny hex and I can see where nonna did "24 dc into the same stitch" on this doily with the incredible thin thread and tiny hooks and I

and I

I just cried.

I'm not a great cook, I'm a terrible housekeeper, I can barely sew on a button, nonna was taken out of school in second grade and even at my best level of italian there was always a bit of a language barrier so it's not like we could discuss books or something, but here, here is something we could have shared. here is something which transcends language. it's art, it's creation, it's design. I could have showed her something and she would have gotten it, not just that she would have been proud of me, because she was always proud of me, but that she would have understood this. I could have shared this with her. we could have done this together. I could have exclaimed over her skill and maybe she could have taught me some stitches or techniques.

and she's gone. I'll never be able to share this with nonna.

I only really grieve hard over my losses once in a while but this is stabbing me right through the heart.