#nonficpost

kurt: would be so bad at it it’s sort of good in a weirdly charming way.

examples: “um, yeah一let me fuck your, um your tight pussy” - “oh, ok, fuck, that feels really good, actually, i like when you suck me like that” - “is it ok if i stick a finger up your ass?” - “oh god, wow, listen一you’re so wet. hear it? when i fuck you?” - “you feel so一so一oh, fuck, i’m gonna一i’m一i came”

baron: actually decent, and pretty hot too

examples: “fuck, listen to yourself. hear how good you sound taking me like that?” - “it’s just two inside you, babygirl… think you can take one more? how’s this…?” - “feel so good ‘round me. you like that? yeah?” - “love when you一god, that’s right, keep bouncin’ on it” - “you’re so beautiful, baby…love fuckin’一looking at you”

keys: lots of cutting himself off mid-thought, but would occasionally drop a banger

examples: “oh my god, you一just like一like that, fuck” - “i’m一you’re so wet, fuck, i can feel it all一over me. and you too” - “you taste so good, angel, i just can’t一fucking believe it” - “fuck, ok, just一c’mere, c’mere一come here, yes, yes, fuck” - “god i just一you feel so一good, so, so一perfect. god, you’re perfect”

teacake: mmmf super fantastic talker, so it follows he’d be good at pillow talk too

examples: “god, listen to ya. singin’ for me, so pretty. lemme hear ya darling, that’s right, just like that… say my name” - “taking me so well, look at ya. feel so good, real fucking tight, you feel that too? sucking me in, aren’t ya?” - “god damn, you’re making me feel so good. love watching you on top of me darling, fuck. look at you…look at you fucking yourself on一on me, fuck” - “you’re my girl, huh? all mine, all一fucking mine. right? tell me一say it, please” - “love feeling you like this, darling一so wet, so一so一fuck, you’re gonna一gonna make me一fuck, fuck, gonna fill ya up so一so一”

steve: s tier dirty talk for sure but kinda niche, it borders on sweet most of the time

examples: “love the way you feel, babe一so一so wet, so good around me” - “like how it feels when i hold you like this? feel me so deep, right?” - “please一f-fuck, please, don’t. don’t stop, you’re just一jesus christ that was so一yeah. yeah一yeah, swallow it. swallow it. good girl” • “god. god, you’re just一let me taste you, babe, open up. that’s一right, just like that… god, you taste so good, look at you. wish you could see what i see, so beautiful” • “love you so much like this… wanna feel you all the time just, just like this一just like this. feel so goddamn good on me, babe”

gator: tehehe 🤭

kurt: surprisingly i don’t think meeting an ex of yours would bother kurt? i feel like he’d let lots of things roll right off his back and this is one of them. what would bother him and make him jealous is you talking about them like, when they weren’t around. like, if you ran into your ex while you were out grabbing coffee or something and kurt was there, he’d be completely fine with it, not even a second thought, but if it happened when he wasn’t there and you were telling kurt about what happened and who they used to be to you, that’s what would get under his skin. it’s the unknown aspect that would irk him. and god forbid you bring them up again later on apropos of nothing, ohhhh my god he would stick to your side like glue in case you ran into them again. forget going anywhere on your own, and i don’t even mean like the grocery store or gym, i mean kurt is trailing along everywhere, to the nail salon, walking/driving you to work, etc. he just wants to meet them, honest.

keys: keys strikes me as the type to get jealous but not say much about it until it’s been festering for a long time. and i don’t even think it would necessarily have to be an ex, just someone who you’re probably really close with and very friendly with, like touchy feely friendly. probably way more touchy feely than you even get with keys, and he’s your boyfriend. his jealousy would get ugly i’m ngl, you’d probably hang out this person from your childhood, someone you’ve known almost as long as you’ve been alive who’s back in town for the first time in ages, and keys’ first reaction is “well how can i ever compete with that?” and then when you link arms or sit super close or hug randomly, he starts to feel that little fiery spark in his gut that tells him he doesn’t like this. and he doesn’t WANT to say anything because that’s your oldest friend, and he swears up and down it isn’t a sexual thing, but because he was always such an introvert gamer boy he never had a friend like that growing up. you’re not only his girlfriend but his extrovert best friend. and maybe if you have that person, you don’t need him. but that’s stupid, and he knows it. so he doesn’t say anything for the first hour you guys all spend together. he sits silently at the movie while you share popcorn and your friend throws it at your face and when he misses, he feeds it to you. he doesn’t protest when your friend slides into the booth next to you at dinner, leaving keys to sit opposite. he doesn’t even comment when you steal some fries off of his plate to give your buddy. but later that night when you get back to your apartment and keys has you alone, for the first time in hours, he’s more upset than you think you’ve ever seen him. and he refuses to tell you why so you keep needling him and then it all just spills out, how you obviously like that guy better than him, how you’re never all over him like that in public, how he’s much friendlier and outgoing and why did you even bother settling for someone like keys if that’s the kind of guy you like anyway? and at first you’re pissed off because that feels manipulative as all hell until you realize that he’s not saying it to be manipulative, he’s kinda got tears in his eyes a little and he’s actually upset and you calm him down with your hands on his cheeks and you press your forehead to his and make him take a deep breath and listen to you when you tell him that growing up, that guy was like your brother. there’s nothing there like what you and keys have and there never will be. and it takes him a bit to even out his breathing and then he just nods and when you lean in to kiss him, he accepts it and after you break apart, he can’t stop muttering “sorry” over and over and over.

teacake: it does not help that you’re all dolled up when you meet your ex at your sister’s birthday party. it also doesn’t help that he was your longest relationship (three years) and that you’re there with your new boyfriend of just under six months. and it seriously doesn’t help that teacake is the nicest guy ever and greets him like they’re the old friends, with a handshake and then a half-hug-back-slap for good measure. the breakup was amicable, and teacake knows about it. knows that it was a mutual decision, knows that you aren’t holding a torch. you aren’t holding a torch. and maybe you don’t see it, or you’re pretending not to, but teacake sees it. teacake sees the way that your ex looks at you when you head over to the cooler by the back door, grabbing a couple beers. teacake sees the way that you still easily put your hand on his arm when he makes you laugh. teacake sees the way that your ex looks at him, the tattoo on his neck and the earring and the ratty tennis shoes he’s wearing because you said this was a backyard barbecue and by the time you left the bedroom wearing a skirt and blouse that are way too dressy for the occasion, it was too late for him to go change out of his jeans and converse low tops. your mom comes to steal you away at some point, to get the whole family gathered together for a picture around the cake, and leaves travis with this… fuckin’ guy.

“guess she lowered her standards,” he says, walking away, and teacake is real fucking proud of himself for not following the guy and giving him some choice words right back.

you realize something is up as soon as you bring him a piece of birthday cake and he eats it in three bites and then doesn’t try to take any of yours (he has a sweet tooth that you tend to account for, which is why you took a large piece of cake for yourself). the drive home is quiet and awkward, and when you get back to his apartment, neither of you moves out of the car.

“what happened?” you ask, and because it’s teacake and he 1) can’t keep his mouth shut for that long and 2) doesn’t lie, especially to you, he tells you everything he’s feeling in great detail. and you sit there in his car and listen, because he deserves someone who always listens.

and when he finally finishes divulging everything about what was said and what he felt, you turn to him, lean over the console between the seats, and turn him to look at you, one hand on the underside of his jaw.

“we broke up for a reason,” you say, gently. “he was always nice to me. everyone else, not so much.”

“understatement,” teacake replies, and before he can let himself wallow again, you kiss him.

he kisses you back halfheartedly, and so you whisper how much he means to you, how much better of a man he is, how it’s only been six months but you already know you want this for way longer than three years.

and teacake meets your eyes because he believes you, because you don’t lie either, especially to him.

you end up in the back of the car, and it’s cramped and too hot, but with teacake leaning against the seat with his hands on your hips as you just hoist your skirt up over your hips, straddling his thighs as you fuck yourself down onto his cock, well, he figures he’s not the one who needs to be jealous after all.

steve: steve likes to tell himself that he doesn’t get jealous, but he does. and it’s pretty easy to tell when he is, because he gets that look on his face. the one where he’s hyperfixated on you and everything you’re doing, the one where he just looks upset even though he really has no reason to be.

you swear up and down that the guy was just an old friend from high school. and that’s true一and steve believes you一but the thing is, steve is acutely aware of this guy because he used to be the same guy. he recognizes the confident swagger, the attitude, the confidence that he used to carry himself with. he was king steve back in the day一and he’d be willing to bet that your friend was just the same in your school. so maybe you guys were just friends, but that doesn’t mean anything. steve was “just friends” with lots of girls in school. he and all of his “friends” did lots of “friendly” things together and like “study” and “see movies” and “have sex in the back of his bmw.”

it just makes him a little bit more possessive, in small ways that you don’t necessarily notice right away or mind when you do. he wraps his arm around your shoulders way more. he suddenly is a huge fan of PDA and kisses your cheek every chance he gets, creeping closer and closer to the corner of your mouth. he asks you to say his name when you’re in bed and he’s thrusting into you, reveling in the whines and whimpers you give him in response.

he refuses to take you for granted after the seed’s planted in his mind that someone else一someone just like him一could potentially win you over. he knows he’s a dime a dozen一guys like him are: a little cocky, good in bed, mediocre boyfriend but handsome enough to make up for it.

so maybe this whole jealousy thing makes him into a better boyfriend, and a better guy in general. who are you to complain?

gator: if making you jealous was a job gator tillman would be the world’s top earner. everywhere you two go, he has girls flirting with him, even though he’s clearly with someone. and he entertains all of them, every single one: sure, you can buy me a shot. sure, i’ll let ya take a selfie with the badge. sure, game’a pool sounds fun.

yes, it’s still you who he goes home with every night, and it’s still you who wears his ring on your finger, but your patience with him wears thin more often than not.

it all comes to a nearly world-shattering head when you’re out one night after dinner一gator treated you to ice cream, and the pair of you are walking hand in hand down the street, each with a cone, when out of nowhere you hear your name from somewhere behind you.

you turn and see none other than your ex一the guy you had a very long, very tumultuous relationship with and had, at one point that you’d rather forget about, been engaged to. gator knows of him, but not what he looks like. as soon as you say his name, though, you feel gator’s hand tighten around yours like a vice.

it’s not a really pleasant reunion一you don’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to ever see him again, and when he tells you he’s moving back to town because his business venture out in fargo failed and his parents are helping him get back on his feet, you’re genuinely worried gator is going to explode.

“i’ll let you guys go,” your ex says, eyeing the ring on your finger as you lift your ice cream cone. “but hey一it was great seeing you.”

“sure was,” gator says before you have the chance to reply, and then he’s tugging you away down the street.

“what the hell, gator?” you ask. you don’t glance back, but gator does.

“fucker’s still starin’ at ya,” he says.

“like i give a shit,” you reply. “he was horrible to me, you know that.”

“sure seemed happy t’see ya.”

“like. i. give. a. shit,” you say again.

“i don’t want you seein’ him no more,” gator says.

“are you hearing yourself?” you ask, tearing your hand away from gator’s. “you sound crazy.”

“don’t gimme a reason t’be then,” he says, turning into the parking lot of the restaurant where you’d left your car for dinner, before you’d decided on ice cream as dessert. you only climb into the truck and refuse to dignify that with a response.

and things are fine for a couple days, until your phone dings with a text from an unsaved number and gator sees it. and because your ex assumes (correctly) that you don’t have his number saved, he signed the text.

and well, gator DOES explode. it ends in a knockout fight, you at his throat, him at your throat, you telling him that every time he lets some girl in the bar in town glom all over him it makes you see red and him telling you that some fuckin’ guy who you almost married shouldn’t be textin’ ya. and you throw your phone at his head and say you don’t want him to text you anyway, and he says that he only lets them girls do that shit ‘cause he likes seein’ ya get all worked up about it. and you say that you wish you had your phone to throw at him again because that’s fucked up and you realize for the hundredth time that you married a scumbag but now he’s got his hands on your waist and he’s pulling your leggings down over your thighs and then his face is buried in your pussy and you swear to yourself, you swear it, things are gonna be different after this.

kurt: i think he would be actually a little smug about it. like, he’d know that he was big, but when he would get your legs spread for him and just start easing himself in, he’d definitely think he’d be able to take you completely until you reach up and put a hand on his chest and ask him to stop. and he wouldn’t pull out but would just look down at you all confused, probably say smth stupid like “but i thought you wanted to.” and you’d have to explain that yes, you do, but that’s all you can take, at least now, at least at first. and he would smirk a little to himself and look down and be like “but that’s just the tip” (it’s much more than just the tip). and you’d kind of whimper a little and roll your hips and when he slid out he’d just stuff himself back in. you’d kind of whine a little because the way he’s stretching you feels good but you also know that there’s a limit to what you can handle and you’re currently skirting that right now. he’d end up just shallowly fucking into you, taking his time to make sure he keeps having you make those little whiny sounds but taking care to keep them on the pleasured side, not the pained side. he would definitely vlog later about how his dick is so big and his girlfriend’s pussy is so tight that he can’t fit it all inside of her (his viewers don’t believe he has a girlfriend so you figure it’s fine).

keys: would be very sweet about it. i feel like keys wouldn’t have sex all that often so when he 1) actually wanted to and 2) got the chance, he would be stokedand not want to do anything to fuck it up lol. so the first time y’all are together, he’d let you lead and would just follow whatever you were doing. i think probably he’d just slowly press the tip against your folds until you opened up for him, and depending on how quickly you realized that you might need to work up to taking him, he would feel guilty about hurting you even if you swore that you weren’t. like if you realized it right away and stopped him, he’d just pull out and offer to go down on you or whatever you wanted. but if you let him push in a decent way before gasping out that you wanted him to stop, he would ease out slowly to avoid making you flinch again and would apologize so much that you’d be like ok, enough. you’d probably just tell him you wanted to try a different position and get on top of him so that you could kind of set the pace and the angle and that would work a bit better, and you’d get to hold keys down and watch him come undone beneath you, and make sure that you were BOTH enjoying it.

teacake: would feel genuinely bad if he thought he hurt you. even if you just gave him a small little “nn, wait” when he was fucking you for the first time, he would hold you still and pull out super slow so he didn’t hurt you and lean in and just start going a mile a minute apologizing and asking if you were ok and rubbing at your thighs and leaning down to kiss you and in between kisses he would just keep mumbling that he was sorry and he knew he was actually bigger than you thought and you should have done more foreplay and more hand stuff and more mouth stuff, like ESPECIALLY more mouth stuff, that’s what he’s best at, mouth stuff, his mouth is the most experienced part of his body, no wait not experienced in THAT way… and the whole time he’s going on and on you’re just watching him and you’re endeared but also turned on because he starts detailing exactly what “mouth stuff” he wants to do to you. like… “i should have tried fucking you with my tongue before, like, that would help and also get you wetter. not that you need help with that… you’re always so fucking wet it’s actually really kind of hot. i mean not… not kind of hot, it IS hot. you’re really hot. anyway, what i meant was, i should have played with you a lil’ bit more, right? you’d like that?” and what he wouldn’t have noticed is that the whole time he was talking, you’ve got your hand down between your legs, touching yourself just a little as he goes on, until you’re exactly as wet as he said you get, and he goes down on you again until you’re fucking dripping with his spit and your own fluids and when he tries to slide his cock home again, it actually does fit a bit better this time, the stretch just good rather than uncomfortable.

steve: would be a tiny little bit smug about it but only internally and wouldn’t ever let you know. tbh it’s because it ALWAYS happens to him lol, every time he sleeps with a new girl he knows he really has to take his time and work them up to it. like, he’d make you come twice on just his tongue to get you all shivery and pliant and then he’d finger fuck you, working you open gradually on one then two and then finally three, and when he was sure you’d be able to take him, if you still couldn’t, he’d be like 2% smug and 90% concerned (the other 8% is still just horny). however, because it’s steve, he would refuse to let you even think about feeling bad about it (whether you would or wouldn’t tbh). he would just lie next to you and finger you slowly, curling his wrist tight against you to push in as deep as he could, while he sucked at your tits to really rile you up and once you felt even wetter than before, positively fucking soakeing wet, he would try again and this time, when he fucked into you, it’d feel perfect and right and you’d be so slick inside and out that you’d open for him and take him in fully. he’d cover your body with his and you wouldn’t know where you ended and steve began as he made love to you.

semi-deep, at least

kurt: so i think when your relationship with kurt was pretty new, he would want to have sex a lot, especially if you were his first girlfriend. he'd be kind of all over you whenever you let him, but as things got more familiar and he kinda calmed down a little, it would be less of a daily thing and more something that happened when you both felt like it. your honeymoon phase would have lasted a WHILE but after it ends, you two would just learn to enjoy each other's company rather than each other's bodies and watch tv or movies while cuddling and it would rarely lead to something else. but on the nights it does, you go at it for HOURS not stopping.

baron: i don't think baron would initiate super often. i feel like he's more of an emotional connection kind of guy? like demisexual maybe, he will fuck but it's not his priority. the mood would strike him maybe a couple times a month, but if you initiated and he didn't NOT want to, he would def sleep with you. also the kind of guy who will do stuff for you but not need or want you to do something back for him.

keys: i think keys would want to fool around pretty often but not necessarily actual sex. for newcomers my headcanon for keys is that he prefers kissing and oral sex to actual penetrative sex, so i think he would want to do that way more often than he actually wanted to fuck. so, he would initiate oral sex quite often (fine by you lmao) and if you wanted to actually have sex, he would do that too—he does like it, but it would need to either be preceded or followed by him eating you out. i genuinely think he would want to go down on you every single day if you let him, and tbh he'd be content with just grinding against the sheets and coming in his pants. as for actual sex, he would do it whenever you asked for it, and as far as keys being the one to want to fuck you, maybe like once a month tops. it's nice and all, but it's not intimate enough for him.

teacake: my darling angel food cake baby boy also strikes me as the type who is down for whatever whenever. i think he would be the type who reads the room before trying, so like if you’re having a bad day he wouldn’t try to get all up ons and would instead let you come to him if that was what you wanted. he definitely would not push you but he would make it clear that he was horny and dtf whenever he actually was, and if you were into it cool and if not tbh he’d probably go jerk off in the bathroom or smth. these things happen.

steve: mr romantic over here. i have a very specific steve headcanon that he is reluctant to have sex a lot because of how like, hypersexualized he was in high school so it isn’t always high on his list of things to do (i just love giving my babies trauma). he would initiate probably about 50% of the time between the two of y’all, and i think probably y’all would fuck like 3 times a week, but it would take him a while to get to that point. but once he was comfortable enough and content enough and realized exactly how happy you make him (and how ok you are with it if he doesn’t want to do anything on any given night) he would be a lot more open about it. possibly the most mature and healthy sex life of the group.