#nonequity

Hello, darlings! Mama Cat is so-o-o-o tired…

Here I sit in the kitchen. The day after coming home from a contract is always like some sort of hangover. I got in last night from Coldwater, MI, a two-day drive with plenty of road construction and an adequate-enough hotel room. Gone are the days when I feel like doing 612 miles straight through, especially when most of northern Indiana is slowed to the proverbial crawl due to said construction.

So I’ve closed as Daisy Werthan in DRIVING MISS DAISY, and counting today, I have 35 days before I must report to Cortland Rep for THE KITCHEN WITCHES. I have a lot to do, and I’ve decided to add one thing to the list. Following the good example of my friend Shannon Haddock, I am going to post every single day during that time. Shannon made a commitment to write every single day for a year. She includes a list of things to do that day and a little discussion of what’s going on with her. The discipline she shows in doing that really resonates with me. As I have this finite time with many goals to accomplish, I have decided to flat-out hack her idea and use it as a tracking mechanism/motivator.

In lieu of a to-do list, here is my list of what I got done today:

              Slept in so-o-o-o late

              Made an appointment for my first haircut in ten months (life under the wig cap)

              Contacted a photographer friend about a specific headshot I’d like her to do.

              Let my agents know I’m home for a while.

              Updated my film resume

              Submitted for several film-job possibilities

              Recorded a VO audition

              Critiqued a friend’s VO audition

              Updated my MNPlaylist profile

              Updated my LinkedIn

              Shared a cute cat video.

              Walked the dogs repeatedly.

              There was coffee; there was brown rice with veggies & tofu.

Looking at that list, I can’t decide if that’s getting a lot done, getting a little bit done, sheer laziness, or the definition of Fierce. What I do know is that a large part of our job as actors is to keep looking for work and to be ready for the opportunities. I have a show set to start rehearsal in upstate New York in just over a month, and some good stuff going on here before and after that. The lazy, sleepy part of me says, “I just want to lay around and read and hang out while I’m between gigs,” but the grownup in me says, “OR, you could stay focused and see what else you can make happen.” As usual, I want to know, “Can’t it be both?”

Well… let’s see where the quest for balance takes us.

Though offered no pay, smash hit “Sleep No More” interns are asked to work six shows per week and ensure the safety of the audience and performers.

So we went to the Sunday audition for 3 One Acts and once again, I was almost worried that we wouldn't have anything to post about.  It was super low key, the monitor was awesome and non-equity were seen almost immediately. 

And then we saw two people who can only be described as caricatures of themselves. 

The first was a guy who was basically Joey from America's Next Great Restaurant.  Look, there's nothing wrong with being Italian (one of the creators of this blog is half Italian and proud!) but this guy was playing the guido card like his next 7 Fishes meal depended on it.  The slicked hair, the stone washed jeans, the tucked in t-shirt.  It was over the top.  And in case we didn't get that he was playing the Italian card, he was miming his monologue to himself in the mirror as if he was a Joe Pesci impersonator.  It was actually a little distracting. However, as character-y and silly as he looked, you could tell he was a nice guy who was working with what he had.  He wasn't in anyone's way and he wasn't offensive.

...Unlike the guy who thought he was a sleazier, but more powerful version of Turtle from Entourage.  WOW.  We usually run into these types at commercial auditions but never at theatre calls.  He apparently didn't realize he should turn his phone ringer off... or keep his voice down while speaking on said phone... or refrain from picking his crotch and ass every 5 minutes.  Seriously.  He was dressed like Jose Canseco on the Celebrity Apprentice but with a gigantic Che Guevara necklace.  Again, seriously. 

A monitor called a name and a perky girl jumped up, handed the monitor her headshot and perkily re-pronounced her name and added "Close!"  The monitor responded by declaring to no one in particular, "Penmanship!" once the girl walked away.  Trying to add humor to the rudeness, another actor raised his hand and said "That's me!"

Sorry for the brief, unexpected hiatus!

Old Jews Telling Jokes at Pearl Studios proved to be exactly why we started this blog.  I kept playing "Would You Rather" with the other half of this blog prompted by the question: "Would you rather hear people warm up/sing their 16 bar cut over and over again or listen to actors try to be hilarious comedians and basically demand attention from the other people in the waiting room by forcing them to be their audience as they tell awful jokes for 8 hours."  It honestly felt like an early April Fool's Day.  I thought we were on a hidden camera show.  It was ridiculous.  I refused to give these people any attention but some of the people I was with just couldn't look away.  It was like a car crash... an annoying, infuriating car crash.

Not to mention the monitor who was AWFUL.  He was rude, unorganized and completely incompetent.  Look, as we say on this site often, we don't mean to be mean.  That's not why we're here.  But this guy was honestly just too old for the job.  He would only fill about half of the audition slots per group, which I still don't understand, and then he would sometimes forget to take headshots or forget to line people up!  I'm certain that if everything was done right, at least 30 more people would have been seen for this show.

A story that started out the day...

In an overcrowded elevator at Pearl Studios, a scary old woman tried to practice her audition joke to a trapped, reluctant, total stranger.

Old Woman: Knock, knock.

Reluctant Stranger:  ...who's there.

Old Woman: Charlie Sheen.

Reluctant Stranger: ...Charlie Sheen who?

Old Woman: That's show business!

Reluctant Stranger:  Ugh.

*crickets*