#nonbinary kris

You were lost. Sitting with your head in your arms facing the wall beside you, as the air entered your lungs and moved you slightly from your uncomfortable position.

Miss Alphys's voice was veeeery present, but it entered your brain blurry. It was very unusual for you not to pay enough attention in class; you always thought it was a lack of respect to the teachers, but... you couldn't pinpoint exactly why you were so distracted today.

Perhaps the day was overwhelming, one of those days where all you want to do is go home, lie down on your millions of blankets, real pillows (not your arms), and sleep until the next morning, but you couldn't do that, your parents would absolutely kill you if they heard that you were skipping school. Maybe you didn't really sleep well. It didn't matter enough, you just wanted to leave.

The world seemed to place its clouds in your crossed arms, the breeze whispered a lullaby to you, and your heart told you of its desire to see the thousands of places around you, but your conscience couldn't stop remembering the human who was on the other side of the room, their crooked teeth, their pumping heart. What would they think of your desire to leave? What could they think of you?

With that thought in your mind, that small detail poisoning your thinking, your presence in the classroom gradually disappeared, your brain started quickly to shut down, until you're finally pulled into the sweet embrace of slumber..

You were in a completely different place, the air felt much more full of life, goosebumps started appearing on your body with that breeze that crossed through your hair, your eyes reflecting the great amount of lights around you... everything was out of place. You could feel how the air had a stronger beachy smell than in Hometown, that the brightness of the stars was duller, or that the moon seemed closer. You couldn't deny that you enjoyed it. Looking around and not recognizing where you were standing, where you could look, the sense of it being as new as it was overwhelming... as it was special.

You couldn't deny the comfort you felt when someone took your hand no this place immediate tranquility within your being, feeling that someone holding it gently. It felt chilly, it felt intimate... No one had ever held your hand like that. Not in so many years. That same feeling of familiarity in everything new you could see, everything you could touch. It was impossible not to miss the icy hand that held you.

You craved holding that hand in yours so much. You could remember when you and Kris were little, running and laughing through the streets of Hometown, with Asriel always chasing you. You two were mischievous; always laughing, always holding hands, escaping from whatever was chasing you. Even if that was Dess, after playing a prank on Noelle, or if it was Asriel, after drawing on his face with a permanent marker; maybe even Toriel, after you both ate whoooole tins of pie together. You both always escaped and ran, holding hands, looking at eachother.

Lately, that had been lost. You both grew up, drifted apart little by little, and they stopped holding your hand. They ceased comforting you when you cried, they stopped looking for you. But your desire to flee grew stronger and stronger, as did your longing to be with them, to intertwine your fingers with theirs, to vanish together. Without them, leaving would be pointless.

Maybe that was the only thing that didn't make you want to leave. Maybe they were the only reason you wouldn't leave. Would you?

And suddenly... You heard them speaking to you. Your hand gripped the one holding you, so tightly, and your body spun around abruptly, looking Kris in the eyes. They looked you, their pupils not leaving your face a single second, their mouth called your name, while their voice sounded between blurry and distant.

-"Since when do you speak out loud..? Kris?"

"Kris?"

- "DUDE! WAKE UP!! C'MON!"

You felt two hands grab you tightly and shake you like a sack of potatoes. Side to side, side to side... Until you forced your eyes to open. You felt a large wet patch on your arm; you were obviously drooling, you cringed at yourself for it. It took you some really long seconds to fully open your eyes and recognize who was waking you up. Even though you had the vision of a person who just had their eyes removed and changed with another pair, you could only make out a large purple blob with big teeth, with that information you were able to automatically tell it was Susie.

- "God... What time is it?"

It seemed to be getting darker by the second, although miraculously the sun was still not too close to setting... How long did you sleep? You could barely manage a whisper to ask. Your head was spinning, to the point of causing a sharp pain on the sides of your forehead, and for that you just could think of raising your hand to carress some of the pain away.

- "It's almost 7:30PM. We were already leaving, but I'd left one of Noelle's pencils here, and we caught you sleeping! Kris wanted to wake you up, but their attempts were in vain. This dumbass tried to wake you by whispering and poking you... Sooo, I woke you up."

As Susie's smile light up the room, you thought of the fact that had such a immense laugh, it was even contagious. You couldn't remember when she became so charming; she seems so much happier now, and just thinking about it makes you feel warmer on your chest.

You smiled back, showing her your teeth as your eyes started crinkling with your cheeks rolling upwards. Then, you thought... Kris?

You glanced to the side, noticing their presence you hadn't acknowledged until now. Judging by their position beside you, they appeared a little taller, forcing you to tilt your head up to see their face. You grinned at them too, a smirk that was a little less full of happiness; instead, one could sense a touch of melancholy in it; even though their face was still monotonous as they just looked you, you could feel how they wanted to get smile back. Although it could be just your imagination, accrediting the fact that you were just dreaming about them. You didn't want to accept that you do that more than you'd like.

Kris raised one of their hands, opening and closing it as they moved it to the side. Their head moved along with their hand, showing their doubt. - "Leaving?" - They signed.

You nodded, your smile becoming more genuine to your heart.

As you started to get up from your seat and pack your things in your backpack, Susie "whispered" (she was talking pretty loudly while trying to whisper, but you didn't want to eavesdrop anyway) something to Kris with both of their backs facing you, and you couldn't help but give them a side-eye bigger than all the sleep that was slowly eating you away. You yawned.

With your backpack already on your shoulders, you started walking towards the door. Susie anxiously raised her head and called your name.

- "Hey! Wait dude... Uhmm..."

The hesitation kept her still for a few seconds before she spoke. You stood inmobile, looking

into her eyes; you couldn't wait any longer to get home and sleep! Why was everyone preventing you from doing so...

- "Right!! Kris wanted to ask you something, hehe. Tell'em Kris."

Susie nudged Kris, who was staring nervously at the floor... Wait. Nervous? Why? What were you two just whispering about?

- "You. Me. Walk home?" - Their hands trembled slightly as they pointed first at you and then at themselves, making such an effort to lift their face and meet your eyes, even though you couldn't see much behind their long dark bangs.

In seconds all the sleepiness you felt disappeared, transforming into the reddest blush you've ever had on your cheeks. You blinked twice. Three times. Four times. Susie was already feeling a little uncomfortable; you could see it on her face as she looked at Kris and then at you.

Really? You thought. They're not playing a prank on you, are they? They're definitely playing a prank on you. You're sure. Something's going to happen. As soon as you leave the classroom, they're going to throw paint at you... Or eggs. Or both. You couldn't believe it.

- "Uh... Sure. Although I wasn't planning on going home right away. But if you want, you can come with me. I have no problem with that."

You couldn't say no to them. Not even if dozens of eggs and millions of liters of paint rained down on you. You could never deny any offer if they came with those ruby eyes you missed seeing up close so much. It couldn't matter less to you.

Kris nodded enthusiastically, visibly relaxing their shoulders. Although their face remained as monotonous as ever, you could see a very, very slight upward movement of their lips. To you, a smile.

Susie's laughter shook the classroom, nudging her elbow into Kris again, then placing her arm around Kris's neck and side-hugging them.

-"You both are such big dorks. I'm getting intoxicated just watching you interact. I'm going to get diabetes! Ewwww."

You chuckled softly with her, still pretty nervous, wondering what punishment Kris was going to surprise you with. It had been years since they had played a prank on you, or given you a real scare. At least if you were expecting it, you'd be more prepared.

- "Anyway. Kris, don't forget what we advised you. And don't you dare forget to tell me tomorrow. Bye, nerd. Bye, nerd 2." - Susie said goodbye to both of you, leaving the classroom quickly, leaving you and Kris alone with eachother.

You were both walking calmly, the sound of your footsteps being louder than the sound of your voice humming some tune that was stuck in your head. You were practically trembling with nervousness. It had been a long time since they'd had any time alone. Completely alone. And it seemed to be affecting you both.

You wanted to stop by Sans's shop before heading to your destination. You wanted to sit by the lake for a while to watch the sunset. You'd been planning this for days, putting it off day after day. Even though watching the sun set behind the water was always one of the things you loved most about this place.

You bought a 6-pack of drinks. You didn't even look closely at what flavor they were; it didn't matter anyway, you didn't have a favorite.

Even with Kris's eyes glued to the back of your neck, so close you could feel them burning, you told them again that they could go home if they were bothered by being there with you. They

just raised their hands from their pockets and signed, "no worries. Want to be with you."

You didn't quite know how to take that.

It felt so strange. Hearing their breathing, their shoes scraping against the floor, they deliberately dragged them along the cement, something you recognized from when they were little. But as time passed, and the sky began to turn more and more orange, everything felt lighter.

Every few seconds their eyes met yours, secretly exchanging whispers with the glimmer in their pupils, sometimes sharing a few chuckles, even though you were visibly lost in thought. The way your two bodies collided was almost playful, since neither of you could walk in a straight line without veering to one side or the other. You both did that every time you walked together. There were even videos of when you were little and you would bump into each other while walking.

Almost instinctive; the orbiting between you two, as if they were the moon and the earth. It felt as if they had never been apart, like you two had always been friends. As if you both knew everything and nothing about eachother. It made you feel an unfillable emptiness inside you.

When you arrived at the lake, you stared straight ahead, while Kris glared at you. You didn't even notice. You were so focused on how the sun almost touched the water. They arrived at your favorite time of day. You walked to the lake until your shoes almost touched the waves, then sat down. Kris followed without hesitation, sitting a considerable distance away. The drinks between both of you.

The silence that had been there since the store became even more overwhelming here. Your arms reached for your legs. You wanted to say something. To talk. To go back to how things used to be, where you only got together to laugh and poke fun of eachother till boredom. Maybe you were stuck in the past. In how things used to be. You longed for it anyway.

Your crossed arms held the edge of your face close to your knees, you could look Kris face to face like this, although they seemed to be looking at you first.

- "I've missed you." - It came out of your mouth. Without a second thought. It just came out. You were so full you started to have little leaks. If you kept going like that... you couldn't even imagine the things you'd end up saying. Kris knew it. He hasn't stopped looking at you all day. And even though you didn't know it, he never stopped looking at you if you were there, if you were nearby. Their eyes devoured you... you had never looked into their eyes this much, but you never thought you would stop seeing them at some point. Humans don't value what they have until they don't have it anymore.

Kris didn't dare say what they felt really. They couldn't dare to confess. To say how much they had been stalking admiring you from afar. How much they wanted to invite you to sit with them on class, or to eat lunch at the Diner with Susie and them, or the many times Toriel invited you to their home but they couldn't dare tell you. You felt so far away. And now you're so close. He can't risk to get you out of their reach again, losing the way you look at them with such beauty in you. They just stared at you, their attention completely focused on you. They wanted you to keep talking; they knew you had something to say.

- "Thinking?" - He pointed with one hand, wanting to hear what you thought, obviously. It was kind of cute how they just simplified his signs when talking to you, as if you understood everything they were thinking and wanted to say just by seeing a little of his hands and face, just like when you both were first learning the language. You couldn't stop remembering what they were like as kids.

You thought long and hard before you started talking. You didn't know where to begin, whether Kris even cared to hear all this crap you had bottled up in your head. You also didn't know whether to feel comfortable telling them or... Just not yet.

- "I just... I feel stuck. Really stuck. I wouldn't know how to explain it properly... It's not that important, you know. You don't have to know. Forget it. I just... I don't know." - Your face was strictly averted from Kris's. You didn't want to look at them. You wanted to hide, to keep them from seeing you. Being vulnerable is so dangerous for you, especially after years of silence.

A small finger moved a strand of loose hair toward your ear, making you look in their direction almost immediately. Their face was worried, longing, focused on you. - "Please. Continue."-

- "I want to leave, Kris. Leave this place. I've loved it for a long time, I grew up here, my family is here, everyone is here, but there's so much more beyond that I want to see." - Your face turned again. It was pure instinct, really. Watching the sun almost completely disappear behind the mantle of water infront of you, and the light poles turning on behind your backs.

"I want to visit other cities, smell other aromas, eat other foods, walk without knowing where I'm going, meet more people... To hold others, or give my first kiss, hold hands, maybe. But experience different things. To live my life. To build it. I don't know." -

Kris's face contorted the more you spoke, their eyebrows drawing together, wrinkling their forehead, their lips slightly turning down, their eyes narrowing in an emotion that couldn't be described with any words. They couldn't imagine you far from them, not somewhere where they couldn't stalk on you or search for you. A place where they couldn't be near to protect you, or even know where you were. They couldn't bear it. Especially... the fact that you met someone else. A lover. Someone. They didn't want to even think of anyone becoming that close to you.

You stopped talking; you felt like you were going to explode, like your lungs were filling with all these emotions, poisoning you. You didn't want to leave, but you had to. At some point, you would have to. Without them.

You started hugging your legs and hiding in your own embrace, trying to comfort yourself.

Kris noticed this instantly, and their first thought was... to grab one of the cans of soda next to them, open it like their life depended on it, and throw the liquid at you, to snap you out of that mental loop.

You were in shock, your clothes stained with their drink, your face dripping, staring at Kris, who was still holding the can, their face just as shocked as yours (the fuck you're shocked about?????). You thought about how this same thing happened at least ten years ago, where you were talking about how you lost your favorite gloves and how incredibly sad you were, and Kris, to make you laugh, started spilling their soda on your shoes, waiting for you to spill some of yours on their shoes.

It reminded you of your childhood, where they always made you feel better with a joke, a stupid idea, throwing any liquid near you to "wake you up", something small that changed your depressed face into something more... but it also reminds you that you'll never truly have such a special connection with anyone other than Kris.

And you laughed. You laughed so hard. Your laughter was contagious, even to Kris, who, still holding his can and pointing it at you, was laughing louder and louder with you. You couldn't get over it. You never could.

You grabbed a can of soda, opened it, and pounced on Kris with a vengeful grin, throwing the drink all over them. They returned the attack with another can. Neither of you stopped laughing nor spilling your drinks on eachother. Until there was no more drinks left.

- "Ewwww. You're disgusting, dude. You know that, Kris?" - You laughed, sitting back down next to him, letting the drops of soda run down your body and through your hair. The sun had already completely set.

Kris chuckled a little with you, their face flushing slightly as they looked into yours. They saw how drops of soda trickled down your hair, to your neck and back, how your eyelashes fluttered as you blinked... That blush became even more pronounced when they saw you turn around to face them.

But something was stuck in their mind. When did you start talking about that someone else you wanted to hold, to hold hands with, to give your first kiss to? They couldn't stop thinking about what you mentioned. When they think of someone else who could have your closeness, hold you as close as they do, why couldn't it just be them? Why couldn't you simply turn to them? They'd always felt all this jealousy, but they never wanted to show it. Even when you two weren't talking, they were always paying an eye to make sure no one got too close to you... in a romantic way. But they never intervened when it happened. Unless it was Berdly. Then they'd definitely put a stop to his nonsense.

So they asked, - " 'Love far away, hometown'?" - They stared at you with the most intense eyes ever. Expectant. They wanted to know what this was all about. Maybe that's why you wanted to leave Hometown, and their side. To go with your beloved... The amount of rage that the thought brought to Kris was almost immeasurable.

-"Ahh.. haha. You know... Ever since I was little I've been a hopeless romantic. Don't you remember when we were kids and we watched rom-coms and I always said I wanted to be the protagonist in a movie like that?" - You started telling Kris. Although, truthfully, you tried to hide the fact that those desires only crossed your mind when you thought of Kris. But you couldn't confess like that. - "Well. I guess my Prince Charming isn't hiding here in Hometown, nor is he going to come and find me, take my hand and take me home, nor escaping by my side to see the world."

With everything you were saying, so many images from their childhood came to mind.

Some where you held their hand while watching movies, or where you fell asleep on top of Kris during them. Maybe also when you played pretend, where you were royalty and he was your loyal knight. Or all those times you'd go crying to Kris just to melt in their arms. They only accepted your hugs. Not even Asriel's did he accept them with as much love as yours.

And just thinking about it made their face turn deeper and deeper crimson, averting their gaze so you wouldn't notice. They wanted to be your Prince Charming.

You smiled towards the horizon, the night breeze drawing you both into this atmosphere full of things left unsaid, things yet to be said, and things already said. You didn't know what to expect next. This was already more than you could ever have imagined. You wanted to cry. You felt your throat slowly closing and your eyes stinging. But you held it back.

And then Kris came closer. Closer than they had in years. Their mouth next to your ear, where you could feel their warm breath travel down to your neck.

"Don't leave me... Please." - They pleaded in a whisper. It had been so long since you'd heard Kris's voice, so long that it made every hair on your body stand on end, leaving you in a state of complete shock. What was happening? What was happening to you? What was happening to them? Were you dreaming?

Kris stared at your hand for a long time, after whispering that confession that still embarrassed them. But if they was already taking all these risks... Why not give their all?

And that's how it hit you. Kris grabbed your hand, intertwining their fingers with yours. Your heart leapt, and so did theirs. Your hand squeezed Kris's so tightly, wanting to really take in that it wasn't fake. And they responded by squeezing you back. And as you released some of that force, you could feel how sticky both your hands were.

You were trembling, and so were they. It was impossible not to. You glanced at them, and their gaze was fixed on the lake. You could see from their jaws that their teeth were clenched.

And with your little hand already intertwined with theirs, you began to gently stroke them with your thumb. Your hand was a little bigger than his, which was freezing cold. When you were kids it was a bit the same, Kris's hands were always freezing cold, so you used to put their hands in yours and then blow on them to warm them up, it rarely worked, But Kris always asked you to do it. It was cute.

You moved a little closer to them, almost snuggling up to them, resting your head on their shoulder. Their breathing stopped for a few seconds, their grip tightening; they were both very nervous, and so were you, why lie. Even so, you both managed to enjoy the moment for a few long minutes, until the stickiness of the soda had become unbearable, causing you to break free from each other's grasp. Kris definitely didn't look very happy about it.

Standing up and stretching from your sticky clothes clinging to your body, you had the best solution of all time. You crouched down so you could look Kris in the eye and pitch them the idea of the century with the biggest smile from ear to ear, illuminating everything that the darkness of the night had hidden.

- "Do you remember when we were little and you, Noelle and I all threw scoops of ice cream at each other, and because we couldn't stand the feeling of being sticky, we all jumped into the river? Come on, let's go!" - You said, laughing, taking Kris's hands once more and helping them up from the floor, looking quite confused. At this hour? In this cold? Pffft. Whatever.

They got up, took their valuables out of their pockets just like you, and ran hand in hand with you to the lake. The water covered their feet completely in seconds. You splashed them with water, and they splashed you. And the war began. In less than 5 minutes, and without even reaching knee-length water, they were already soaked from head to toe.

You laughed nonstop, splashing in the water and making the stars above you shine even brighter. Kris couldn't stop being mesmerized by you; it was simply such an impossible concept to have you like this. Just to themselves.

And in their moment of distraction, you grabbed their hands and pulled them into the water with you, nearly drowning them. They instinctively grabbed and hugged you, surfacing in seconds. You laughed and wiped the water from your eyes, bracing yourself by wrapping your legs around their hips. Their arms seemed to support you with complete ease as they walked a little further down the water, holding you close.

Your laughter subsided, transforming into a warm tranquility, as your hands began to caress Kris. Your hands caressing their face, their neck, their dark circles, their jaw. You came very close to touching their lips. Almost too close.

But they couldn't stop staring at you. Their eyes kept tracing your face, your eyes focused on caressing them. Although... they also lingered on your lips for almost too long.

Until you couldn't hold back any longer. Your hands gently held Kris's jaw, pulling them closer to your embrace, your lips meeting. Their grip on your body grew tighter and tighter.

It felt like they needed you, like if they let you go, they would die. That without you, they could no longer be themselves. Or perhaps it was you who made them who they were.

The kiss was foolish (since it was their first kiss, sometimes their teeth would even clash, making a small ticking sound, but nothing could keep them apart for long), tender, but full of obsession. Kris's hands would let go of you in the water just so he could come up and caress your hair or simply bring your face close with need so that you wouldn't let go of their lips. It was such an innocent love, a kiss full of tenderness, and a silent promise.

It was too late; they could tell that since Toriel had been trying to call Kris for the last 45 minutes. By sheer luck, you were able to get through, and just hearing your voice, Toriel was already in a good mood, inviting you to stay and sleep at their place, already preparing to make your favorite pie.

Kris and you exchanged glances, laughed, and held hands again. You walked home together, leaving a trail of soaking wet ground behind you. They hoped at least not to catch a cold; the house wasn't exactly too far away.

You tightened your grip on Kris's hand. This was worth it. This was better than any country, any other city... Just for this, you'd stay here a thousand years, just to hold their hand for a second more than before.

And even if you wanted to leave... Kris would go with you. Your hand would never let go of theirs again, and their hand would never let go of yours again.

You were happy with that. ♡