~Jealousy, Jealousy~
The festival! Times of joy all of Hometown looks forward to! Fun activities, delicious food, volunteering on your parents' behalf because they think youâre a hermit! Whatâs there not to love? Oh? You donât like the festival? Oh? You havenât gone in years? Oh? Your ex-best-friend Kris is going with all their new (and old) friends and youâre left in the dirt because of a certain looming past that hangs over everyoneâs head? Well then, it sounds like your dayâs going to be fantastic!
~~~
NO MAJOR SPOILERS FOR CH 5 BESIDES FESTIVAL. and even then id say thats a stretch LOL
we are SO FUCKING BACK. 11.7K WORDS WE ARE STARTING OFF STRONG THIS YEAR. i really didnt want to start off super angsty but anons ask was too good and festival angst sounded so good to me ugh i couldnt help myself SO WE HAVE MIX OF BOTH NO SAD ENDING MAYBE BITTERSWEET IF ANYTHING
i also had way too much fun with the non-kris interactions but i havent written these guys in so long i miss them all man. I MISSED U GUYS LIKE HELL ALSO SO ENJOY THIS MESS OF EMOTION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps i missed u too kris if ur reading this plz text me back
~~~ the ask + another ask i got like a year ago (one of my first ever) that semi inspired a certain aspect of the story but i still wanna do smt with it as the focus so im KEEPING IT IN MY INBOX FOR SAFE KEEPING
~~~
Hometown isnât one for extravagant events. Not compared to the holiday celebrations in every major capital across the globe, anyway.
While the worldâs out parading with bright â albeit quite extra â fireworks that paint the sky, sweet treats that add up to an average mortgage for the month, and events that accumulate all friends and family into one claustrophobic, sweat-drenched roomâŚ
âŚHometown is different. Whether it be good or bad is up to who you ask.
Concentration from a thousand square kilometers to a single, measly square kilometer takes care of the fill-all-the-empty-space issue. Less ground to cover means that the residents can appreciate the measly half-a-dozen games all the while more. Canât make a few carts look scarce when the end of the streetâs in view, right?
And, of course, with the lack of property value (and property at all), less people live here. Populationâs barely hit a hundred. At least, last time you checked.Â
Which means, chipping in makes all the difference. Strength in numbers, after all!
Damn. Youâre starting to sound like your father.Â
The festivalâs today. Itâs been in the forefront of your mind like a tick that wonât leave you the hell alone; sucking every last bit of life force from your soul. And, better yet, itâs not your fault.
You do anything that puts you outside the house? Something meager, something that should be simple, like taking out the trash?Â
Your mother catches you halfway down your driveway. âOh, dear! Would you drop these decorations off at the Church?â
Youâre trying out some crappy dessert recipe you saw online, that you just so happened to write down before the Angel struck the town with the worst fury ever conceivable to the living eye? (internet outage)
Your father appears from what you can only assume to be a puff of smoke â because damn is he sneaky â looming over you like heâs seven feet tall. âHoney, that looks delicious! Should I talk to Carol? Ask if you could open your own booth this year?â
Youâre watching TV. Thatâs it. And boom.
Parents corner you on both sides of the couch. A scrapbook in handâ your scrapbook. Well, it wasnât entirely yours, but you take credit for it now. Because who else will?
âAwwhh,â your mother coos like she's taming a wild skunk, scared youâll spray your defence juices (running to your room). âAnd thereâs you trying to hit the target. You could barely lift up the hammer! Look how cute you were!â
Were. As if you arenât adorable now. Thanks, mom.
You shouldâve known. With how much your parents make you run their miniscule, slightly inconvenient errands, your senses shouldâve alerted you for something big. Itâs not like they found a way to bring up the event in every conversation for an innocent reason. Reminiscing? Câmon!
No one should reminisce in this town. Timeâs arrow merely marches forward.
Only when you were woken up at the asscrack of dawn from your mother shaking you awake with a sense of urgency and nervousness youâve never seen from her, did you really understand what all of it meant.
Oh no. She volunteered your lazy backside to set up the festival, didnât she?
Your question was answered not shortly after it appeared.
âGet up, get up!â She seemed to have wrapped your arms and body into your blanket like some security burrito, fully immobilizing you from attack. âTodayâs the festival! Youâre helping out this year, no arguments.â
Shoveling something into your mouth as a poor excuse for breakfast, your mother led a groveling you to your front door. A box of pennant bunting banners sat near your shoes, nesting a plastic bag of deflated balloons.
You were outside before the mere evidence of the sun shone through the horizon. It was almost too dark to see the street. Or, maybe your eyes were closed. You couldâve been sleepwalking, for all you knew.
You wouldâve put up more of a fight, but it was difficult. You were so tired. Still are.
And now you stand, box flipped upside down to act as a makeshift stool, hooking the flimsy string from wooden post to wooden post to tree to tree. Just the sight of them makes you a tad queasy.Â
The festival hasnât exactly been something you look forward to on a yearly basis. At some point, it mightâve been the highlight of your holidays.Â
It all leads back to Dess. Not that itâs her fault, but itâs hard not to recall the events and label it as an obvious turning point.Â
Everyone used the excuse. Whether it be from shock, depressionâ it was an easy reason to cancel the festival that year. Or, it wasnât cancelled. You canât remember. If it did happen, you didnât go.
The Dreemurrs didnât go, either. The Holidays? They practically host the damn thing. If they did do it, it was much smaller than years prior.Â
You remember wanting to go. You remember thinking it wouldnât be nearly as fun going alone. You mightâve begged someone. Noelle? Asriel? Kris? They all mustâve shut you down, one way or another. Grief works differently for everyone, after all.
Youâre not too sure how you feel about it. About the festival, you mean.
Lost in your own head, you accidentally tug the string with too much gusto, causing them to unravel from their perfect place on their respective trees.
âGoddamnit,â you curse, tossing your useless end to the grass. Thankfully, the streets are rather barren of people. Half-empty boxes litter alongside adults too absorbed in making their stands look appetizing to care.Â
As long as no one asks why youâre out here. You havenât made an appearance in damn near a decade. Change is obvious, when it happens. Theyâll all definitely notice if you bring too much attention to yourself.
Speaking of attention to oneself.
Someoneâs voice booms through the quiet streets. In your humble opinion, theyâre far too loud for a sun that low in the sky. And itâs not constant chatter, either. Theyâll pause for a few seconds, absorbing the dialogue from a far more hushed, likely imaginary voice.
You feel your eyebrows tighten, wanting nothing more than to bury your head in the tuft of leaves.Â
But you force yourself into indifference. You find yourself tuning out most voices nowadays.Â
Collecting your previous failed attempt, you leap back onto your cube throne and double-knot the thread around a different branch. The obnoxious source of sound grows near, enhancing your already-unbearable migraine from lack of sleep.Â
You kick your box to skid underneath the next tree. Your hands paw at the drooping string, almost as slouched as your hunchback, only catching hold when a pair of footsteps come into hearing vicinity.Â
âOh, what?â The feminine-yet-masculine voice calls from behind you, panged with familiarity. âWaitâŚâ
Your eyes couldnât roll back further if you tried. Your head mightâve tipped off your neck, but youâre hoping it wasnât assholish enough for her to notice.
Of course, the only person whoâs loud enough to make your morning more grueling (âonlyâ? You could think of a dozen others) is halted at the base of your box. Maybe if you stand completely still, sheâll think youâre some unflattering statue the festivalâs using as decor this year.
Susie⌠something. Last names arenât important. Sheâs your classmate. If you count showing up fifty percent of the time as a valid classmate. Sheâs friends withâ
Yâknow, her friends arenât important to note! Who is she friends with? You donât know!
She kicks your box to get your attention, but it only startles you into crumbling the leaves between your fingers. You hear a huff, maybe a laugh? And thenâ
âArenât you the kid who got stuck on the school roof? After school, like, a week ago?â
Really? Is that what youâre remembered for? What happened to âleave your mark on the worldâ?
You quickly tie your second knot between the branches, throat filled with a spite you cannot control. âCâmon. I have more of a legacy than that.â
âOh yeah?â She bites back. You can vividly imagine her shit-eating grin.
âYeah,â you sigh, shuffling the box down the grass with your feet once more. You make a clear intent not to face her, even through your peripherals. You probably look like an idiot. âI was napping.â
âYour foot was hanging off the ledge.â
Itâs not like you wouldâve rolled off! You have pretty good muscle control in your sleep. And, besidesâ âI purposely did thatâ the ledgeâs good for wind circulation. Keeps you from getting heat stroke up there.â
Another knot done. Itâs muscle memory to you now. Or youâre just rushing to get through it. Eitherâs okay with you.
âYou sure?â She questions, accusation embedded in her speech. âCould hear how loud they were yelling from ICE-Eâs. Seems like you were dead as a corpse.â
Corpse, shmorpse. âMore like sleeping like one. And I wasnât stuck. If I can get up, I can get down.â
âIsnât that what cats think when they climb trees?â
âYeah, maybe in old-timey cartoons,â the box rolls on its side, stuck on the root of the next tree. She must be following you closely. Itâs like youâre not moving from her whatsoeverâÂ
Realization dawns on you. You pucker. âIâm not a catââ
Thereâs a loud crash, bang on the other side of the street. One quick peek shows one of the stands tumbled over another. And, despite your self-imposed rule, your peripheral fails you. You make out a purple blob following your line of sight, and something elseâŚ?
When Susieâs snout whips back to you, youâre instantly on the tree once again. âDamn, howâd you do it? Some secret rooftop door? The vents?â You hear her rustle, as if sheâs nudging her elbow into something. âClimbing some vines?â
You find yourself answering with dead seriousness, tying off your end of torture. âMaybe a mix of that? And some loose bricks.âÂ
Youâre a bit lost as you ramble, fishing around for the bag of inflatable nightmares on the dirt. You fiddle with one and â despite your slight annoyance â you decide to be a polite person and actually face the monster youâre talking to (mostly because you donât have the excuse of bunting banners anymore).
âThereâs some sweet spots to lodge in long handheld stuff,â once youâve got a good handle on the mouth of the balloon, you make eye contact for the first time today. âLike knives. Their handles are good for⌠stepping⌠onâŚâ
Your heart drops into your stomach. Yeah, you shouldâve known.
Expecting it mightâve made the shock just oh so slightly easier to cover up.Â
With bulging, wide eyes, you make an intense effort to stare into the purple monsterâs soul. But it doesnât matter; your peripheral vision has failed you for the second time.
Kris, whose stealth may rival your parentsâ, stands statue still adjacent to Susieâs ever moving form. A striped sweater, permanently burnt into your abused retinas. A glare so effortlessly neutral, so effortlessly calm, it strikes fear into those willing to take a peek (in some messed up, contradictory way).
You look so normal right now. You should sign up for the âmost normalâ competition. Thatâs not a thing. You should invent it. Thatâd show how normal youâre being. At this very moment.Â
âUh, you okay?â Susieâs eyes narrow. She doesnât hide her confusion. Like how you donât hide your normalness.Â
You think youâre smiling, but it might be frozen in some awkward, forced lip-tilted-up mess. In your tightening grasp, the balloonâs orifice is assaulted by your thumb. (Ew. Youâve gotta put your mouth on that later.)
A rush of ballsy adrenaline shivers up your legs. You decide to spare them a teensy, weensy glance.
And your worst nightmares come true. They donât react. Deadpan.
You instantly grimace. Itâs ugly, too. Like your entire faceâs drained of water, wrinkled like a prune. You swear youâre not usually this much of an open book.
They seem unsure if they should be here. In this free space of road. That youâve claimed as your temporary stomping grounds. But alas, theyâre obviously following the leader.
Theyâre almost waiting for something, too. As if youâve got a million things to say and they need to hear all of it. The eye contact is driving you insane. Like, who can say so little with such a stare!
And besides, you have nothing to say! Youâre horrible with⌠saying things.Â
Susieâs oblivious, too. Your brainâs just focused enough to see Susieâs attention shift from you, to the human, and back to you.Â
Does she not know? Who you are? Besides the whole roof thingâ she doesnât know who you really are? At least, to Kris?
Not that youâre anything. They arenât anything to you.
Are you not important enough for Kris to say? Mention, even just a tad? Maybe some late night vent session about their respective deep, mysterious pasts? Just your name? Your description? Something?
Not that you care. Just curious. Everyoneâs curious.
Are you a sensitive subject?
Not that it matters!
You sure as hell know who she is.
Or itâs just because sheâs loud. Hard to miss. Whether that be a positive or not.
They hang around all the time. Attached to the hip, likeâ
Like nothing. Yeah, show off your healthy blooming friendship. Everyone wants to see it!
Youâve been so cranky with the idea of going outsideâ festival. With the festival. You touch grass. Promise. But you almost forgot that you, despite the lack of people to see, still need to see said people. Itâs a festival. Duh.
Which means: front row seats to their intimate bond!Â
Which does not eat at you when you think about it for more than a fleeting moment. Whatâs there to think about? Youâre completely fine with it all.
It mightâve been actual years since youâve made eye contact. You havenât seen those ruby eyes in passing, by accident, nada. Thatâs how careful youâve been.Â
âŚdoes Susie really not know who you are?
Your face mightâve twitched. Youâve got a horrible poker face.Â
And yet, youâre surprised when you face the angsty teen once again. Sheâs beyond engrossed, scribbling something onto her exposed arm with a permanent marker. Definitely saw you werenât answering the question she asked multiple minutes ago.
You manage to get a glimpse. Itâs a step-by-step list of instructions for a certain roof heist she seems to be planning. How on topic.Â
You release a breath deep within the caverns of your chest.Â
This isnât worth your time.
âYeah,â you suck in through your teeth, feigning disappointment. âSo I gotta get another box.â
Your stupid box of bunting triangle whatever theyâre called are still three quarters full. But you donât let either of them peep a word of suspicion. Youâre stiffly shuffling away. A doll with frozen limbs.Â
Susie mightâve not noticed. You didnât check.Â
Krisâ eyes followed you smoothly. You tried to smile; friendly, easy, a mutual understanding. But you couldnât get your lip to turn up.Â
Youâre still well within earshot when you start blowing up your balloon, beginning your trek to the Church to kill some time.Â
Those same pairs of eyes are glued to the back of your skull. A bad itch you canât reach. Youâre only relieved when you turn the corner.Â
Once your plastic bubbleâs inflated to your standard, you tie it shut. Fishing a loose string from your pocket, you knot the ends together.Â
You release it.
And it slowly drifts to the ground.
Fuck. You need the stupid helium tank for those.Â
Double fuck. That wouldâve been the perfect excuse.
This is gonna be an unbearable day, isnât it?
~*â˘*~
The good thing about expecting torture is that you wonât be disappointed when you receive it.Â
The festival. This is still about the festival. Just to clarify.Â
You thought, as a shift into a more optimistic lifestyle, that you could be hopeful of what your volunteering duties actually entail. Who knows? Maybe youâd just be doing setup. And you could just go home after. Grueling morning for a totally worth it escape.
Yeah. You were stuck between that and knowing youâd be booked the whole day.Â
Good thing you leaned towards the latter.Â
Your dad is apparently a good friend of Sans. Mr. Sans? You havenât heard of such a relationship between the two, but you donât know lots of things. Like how people think coffee tastes good.Â
He asked you to meet the skeleton at the ice cream stand. Youâd have willingly volunteered around the police station if you knew itâd get you out of working a stand in the middle of the damn town.Â
You gave him your standard greeting, and he took it just fine. You didnât really have the incentive to ask what he needed help with, so youâve just been hovering around while he slacks off an equal amount.
The regret starts to kick in when more and more monsters double-take. Surprised youâre around, as if youâre some enigma. Hell, you mightâve turned human in their eyes!
You didnât think that many people cared to keep up to date with your life. Or they donât, and thatâs why itâs so shocking to see you now. They probably thought you were dead.Â
Maybe if you were actually doing something, theyâd feel more inclined to ignore the random person leaning against the convenience store.Â
You tap the skeletonâs shoulder, careful to apply enough pressure to where he can feel it, but not enough that your fingers awkwardly slide under his clavicle. Is that possible?
He barely tilts his chin to you, displaying his lazy grin. You ask, despite already knowing the answer. âIs there anything you actually want me to do? Or am I just here to do nothing?â
You watch the lights in his eyes zip to your own, raising a nonexistent eyebrow. It freaks you out more than youâd like to admit. âdidnât know you wanted to do something.â
âWell, I donât not want to do something.â
He turns back to his array of imaginary customers. âsounds like youâre gettinâ a pretty sweet deal, then.â
You swallow. You canât take the staring anymore. Time to be a responsible citizen! âSo I am here to do nothing?â
ânah,â he checks his wrist for a watch he doesnât have. âiâm going on break. you gotta run the stand for a sec.â
Your jaw unhinges. Youâre allowed breaks? âOn break?â
He shrugs. âhey. workers union says we need more breaks. helps with morale.â
âWe donât have a workers union. You barely have a real job.â
âpretty sure janitor is an official job title.â
âI mean for the festivalââ you stutter, waving your hands around like a psycho.â Itâs, like, mostly volunteer work.â
His head tilts, ever so slightly. âvolunteering means youâre willing to do stuff for free. you donât seem very willing.â
âI am beyond willing!â You are not beyond willing, but he doesnât need to know that! âAnd donât you run, like, three stands? Doesnât that mean I have to do all of them?â
But he brushes you off. ânope. those ones are covered.â
âBy who?â
âa ton of other dudes.â
You deadpan. âA skele-ton?â
âuh, what?â He almost laughs, as if you made the most offensive statement of all time. âcâmon kid. thatâs the easiest joke in the book,â and his shiteating grin widens. âi wasnât bone yesterday.â
Goddamnit.
âOkay, whatever,â you try to shoo him away. âGo on your break. Iâll figure it out.â
Heâs already halfway down the road before you finish your sentence. âyou got it, boss.â
What a weirdo.Â
You ignore the crank in your back, pulling up a chair that he (for some reason) refused to use. It sits somewhat snug against the ice cream stand, leaving enough space for you to criss-cross.Â
Besides the few kiddos here and there, thereâs not too many running up to the stand. But youâre not complaining. Itâs practically perfect.
While the stares are subverted to the ice cream, you find people-watching to get boring quickly. Lack of people to watch. Lack of variety in selection. Youâre picky with your self-imposed main characters.Â
And so, with nothing else to do, you rest your forehead on the edge of the stand. Gravity pulls your eyes to the grass, to your feet.Â
Your eyes drift closed before you can stop them. Not that youâd try to, anyway.Â
It was years ago. Back when someone else ran the ice cream stand.
You remember it vividly; you, Kris, and Noelle getting ice cream on a day like this. Walking through the streets wasnât nearly as dangerous as the general media made it out to be. You were familiar enough with the town that your parents didnât feel the need to accompany you.
Asriel and December were off doing âteenager thingsâ, as the latter deemed it. He always shoved her shoulder when sheâd describe it like that, but he never denied the label.
Thereâs a new flavour, much to your big, beady eyesâ delight. Itâs astounding to you; youâve never seen more than the set selection of creams.
The ladyâs very kind when she describes it to you. You donât really understand some of her words, whether they be too big or too unfamiliar to you. All you heard was âcandyâ and you were sold.
The regret never kicked in, even after receiving the cone. An unnatural, pure red colour. Might have that stuff your mother puts in some of her pastries? Food colouring? It has little chunks of candy. Maybe cherry. They donât look quite as solid as you thought theyâd be.
Noelle gets something similar in concept; a rosy strawberry with little frozen chunks of said fruit. Kris gets butterscotch cinnamon pumpkin. You thought it sounded like a handful, but it even smells homey.
With the lack of a line, you three barely shift to the adjacent sidewalk, enjoying your ice cream in peaceful bliss.
After a few kitten licks, a child Noelle glances at your cone. âHow is it?âÂ
âSweet,â you comment; not necessarily in a negative connotation. âBut good.â
You both go back and forth for a minute, describing your flavours (as if Noelle hadnât done the same for hers last year. Or the year before that). After that, much of the in-between is blurry; Noelle gets a mild brain freeze, panics, and stuff starts leaking everywhere. Youâre alone with Kris before you realize it.
âWhatâs yours taste like?â Like you donât know the answer.
They donât respond traditionally. Instead, they tighten their double-handed hold on their cone, lifting it to your face.
You donât deny the offer. Obviously. You collect a dab on your tongue before repeating the same question.
âYou just tried some,â they state blatantly.
Youâre not put off by their confusion. âYeah, but I wanna know what it tastes like to you.â
Their shoulders bounce for a moment. You realize, hidden by their palm, theyâre smiling.Â
It makes you smile, too. Child smiles are always contagious.Â
âIt tastes likeâŚâ they seem to think for a moment. âPie.â
You recognize the similarities, specifically in the beige colour. âPie? Like, momâs pie?â
You never realized that you used to call two people by the same name. Mom.Â
âYeah.â
No further explanation needed.
Youâve stopped licking your ice cream. Instead, you watch their eyes scan your sweet treat. âWhatâre the bits?â
You scoff, as seriously as you can manage. âWhat? You werenât listening to the lady?â
âNot really,â they admit.
âWell, itâs⌠uhâŚâ you trail on, mind blank with any ideas. âI dunno.â
Your tongue shapes into a scoop, attempting a large lick to collect one of the chunks. It swishes around in your mouth. Youâre careful not to bite into it before ensuring all the ice creamâs melted and swallowed.Â
Your jaw unhinges, as wide as you can go; the small candy resting in the center of the muscle. ââere âou go.â
They donât waste a single moment, getting as close to your face as possible. Their eyes are glued to the treat in question, brain whirring for something to compare it to. You feel their nose brush your bottom lip.
âItâs like a gummy,â they decide to settle on.
âWeally?â You slur. Your tongue pushes the aforementioned gummy between your teeth, intending to cut it in half. For them to try. That was obviously the best solution your child brain could come up with.
Underestimating your strength (and their unmoving proximity), you chomp hard on the chunk. While you expected to bite right through it, the gummy proves itself to, in fact, not be just a gummy, as random spurts of juice explode onto your lips.
âŚand Krisâ entire face.Â
They barely flinch, only squinting to avoid getting the sugary liquid in their eyes.
âOops,â you say earnestly. You swallow the outer gummy shell and instantly reposition your face to inspect the liquid misting their own. Not that you had to move far.Â
The larger splats have begun dripping down their soft skin. Who knew the small thing could have so much juice in it?
You involuntarily lick your lips. The taste is nice, you think absentmindedly.Â
âHold still,â you demand with complete seriousness.
They seem a bit lost when you cup the back of their head. Youâre careful to not dislodge their horns (which, now acknowledging, you actually thought they had said appendages when you were younger).
And yeah, you were just a kid. And yeah, it was probably some form of a health violation.
But you, without a drop of hesitation, stick out your tongue to lick up the red droplets from their face. Your gross, sticky tongue. Lapping up their salty skin.
You can literally feel their face morph into a smile. The way their cheekbones lift; the way their eyes begin to crinkle. Itâs a weird feeling under your tongue of all things, sure, but itâs become oddly ingrained into your memory. One of those things you canât forget.
âStop,â they giggle. And itâs such a lovely sound. You didnât appreciate it enough back then.Â
They shove your cheek with their little human hand, rendering your attack immobile. Youâre rather defenseless as they seize your own cone, bite into the ice cream (yes, bite), and use their newly attained triple gummies to squirt sweet nectar all across your face. And neck. And shirt.
âEwww,â you drawl despite your matching grin. Youâre somehow drenched. Definitely sticky. Definitely gross.
And, without another word, theyâve begun lapping you up now.
From a bystander, you twoâre just mutually, nastily licking. Like youâre trying to eat each other. And yeah, theyâre definitely right.Â
The cones in your hands arenât forgotten, either. Half of yours is smudged on their jawline while half of theirs is painted across your cheek.Â
Thank the Angel Noelleâs paying.
Speaking ofâ
âEeeaahh!â The deer wallows, pointing an incriminating finger between the two of you. âWhat happened!? Youâre both bleeding!â
And the look Kris gives you. Man, you couldnât have held back your howl if you tried.
âW-whatâs so funny?â
A groggy sound escapes your throat as your eyelids struggle to open.
Itâs trippy as balls hearing Noelleâs child voice morph into her deeper, current one. Sheâs with Susie, and Kris, in an intensely deep conversation about octopus balls. Or something just as riveting as that.Â
Youâre not a spiteful person, but itâs perhaps a smidge, just a tad, eensy weensy bit aggravating to see the trio together. Câmon, Kris and Noelle? When the fuck did they rekindle? Maybe mutuals with Susie? Like hell Susieâs social enough to fix that trainwreck of a falling outâ
And oh, just your luck! Theyâre in the mood for ice cream today, arenât they? They couldnât have come an hour earlier, when you werenât running the stand? Howâve you pissed the Angel off this time?
Noelle, previously far too infatuated with Susie to notice, now realizes who sheâs headed right towards.Â
The alarm is instant. She halts like a deer in headlights (ha.); her eyes engulfed with a million different emotions, all leading back to letâs not go this way, please.
However, Susie ignores the deerâs obvious panic and laces her claws through Noelleâs equivalent to tug her along. All without breaking the doeâs line of sight from you.
Kris, at the very least, pretends to act natural. Walk side by side with Susie. Theyâre so lucky their bangs cover your view because damn if you could confidently stare them down? You would.
Thingsâve changed since you last saw them. Youâre not backing down. Youâve grown balls.
Noelleâs noticeably dragging, struggling to keep up her polite smile. Youâve had conversations with her, somewhat recently. More than Kris, but that barâs in hell. With her, youâre civil at best, snarky at worst. Medium highs and higher lows.Â
Thank the stars youâre too exhausted to say anything crazy, right? Unless thatâs the perfect formula for an unfiltered mess of a dialogue.
âHey, rooftop,â Susie unwinds her digits from Noelleâs, leaning a large forearm on your stand. What a nickname.
You copy her nonchalance, resting your chin in the palm of your hand. âYo. You want ice cream?âÂ
Stupid question, but you almost feel inclined to make sure theyâre not here to torment you. Â
âYeah⌠whatâs the one with all the chunks in it?â She points to one of the colourful rectangles. You almost cringe from the C-word. âAre those marshmallows? Uh, nuts?â
Your heavy restraint stops you from making a deez nuts joke. âRocky road?â
âYeah. Iâll have one of those,â she glances over her shoulder. To Noelle. Whoâs been staring at you when she thinks youâre distracted. âWhatâd you want, again?â
When all attentionâs on the deer, she freezes up. You canât tell if you should be disrespected or flattered that she thinks about you this much.
Itâs when she says your name. All robotic and forced. Thatâs what startles you. âI will have mint chocolate chip, please!â
You blink, pausing Susieâs prep mid-scoop. Nice self control. âDonât you hate that flavour?â
Her facade crumbles instantly. âOhâ god youâre right, wait, uhâŚâ
Itâs odd. When she turns into a babbling mess, you feel just a bit looser. Like things arenât a bit weird.Â
You exhale through your nose â the closest youâve gotten to laughing all day. âItâs not like the flavours change every year.â
Itâs an educated guess. Itâs not like youâd have known.Â
âRight, right, uhmâŚâ She gains a bit of confidence; sheâs waddled up to be at arm's length of the stand. She stands on her tippy⌠hooves⌠and tries to peek into the little compartments.
Her brainâs scrambled. You donât really blame her. You decide to be a good samaritan. âHow âbout strawberry?â
And that seems to hit an imaginary bell in her brain. Would you look at that? âYes! Thatâ Iâll have that.â
Hoping to speed up this slightly awkward experience, you turn to Kris. They appear no different than they did five minutes ago. This morning.Â
âB. scotch?â
They shake their head. âCherry bomb.â
âReally?â You blurt. And you instantly want to punch yourself in the face for it.
âMhm.â
Youâre so sure you remember agreeing the flavour was way too sweet. The ratio of gummies to ice cream was far in favour of the former. You donât think you minded, though.Â
You donât even know if they liked it! Itâs not like they asked for more. Not that you had much more to give. Youâre certain it ended up on the pavement.Â
Whatever, idiot! None of your business.
You donât dare to peep another word, choosing to occupy yourself with scooping the sweet treat with precision only given to people like Dess. Damn could she bat.Â
Once you finish with the first two, Susie gives you a look as you hand her Noelleâs cone. Probably wondering why your hands are shaking so bad. To your surprise, Noelle chirps out a thank you and then theyâre walking away whyâre they walking awayâ
Youâve never shoveled ice cream so fast in your life. But why? Kris wonât make conversation! Whatâre you so worried about?Â
Itâs just you and them and you and them and your balls apparently ran off to do shots with Sans and where the hell is he?â
âThere ya go,â you say like some shitty customer service worker, practically shoving the treat in their mouth for them. You pretend you feel nothing as their fingers brush yours.
But theyâre not leaving.
Theyâre lingering!
They do not linger. Well, not in the traditional sense.Â
They donât even lick their ice cream.Â
They just⌠pick out a lone gummy from the top.
And hold it out in their hand to you.Â
You swallow, preparing as if you have the guts to say anything. Maybe you seem offended, eyebrows furrowed as you glance from their hand to their eyes. You donât like that you can see their eyes. Youâre too close.
You try not to sound irritated. âWhat, donât like the bits?â
They cock their head. âYou like them, donât you?â
Your face instantly softens. Fucking damnit.Â
Because yeah. You do. And you donât like how they remember that.Â
Youâre slow to take the piece; careful when your fingers move too close to their warm-blooded surface. Maybe you feel something when you accidentally touch. Maybe. But it doesnât matter what.
Youâre not surprised when they instantly leave. Itâs not like theyâre the type to look back.
Unlike yourself, who's staring at their head like a madman.
Once the trees block your vision, you give up. The counterâs cool against your flaming forehead.Â
You stare at the gummy, pinched softly between your nails.
You donât have the heart to eat it.
~*â˘*~
After Sans comes back, he relieves you of your duties. Youâre still not sure why you had to be there an hour before his break, but whatever. More time killed.Â
Youâre sorta lingering around, not entirely sure what to do. Itâs not like they gave you a manual on how to help out. So youâre just pretending to look busy so people leave you alone. Like fiddling with decorations. And⌠actually yeah thatâs pretty much it.
The best part about this festival in particular is how much it emphasizes the importance of tight friendships and bonding opportunities. Two things, of which, you currently do not have. Lots of group games. Group activities. Group eating booths.
That last one might not be true. But you swear, shitty food tastes better when youâve got a group to laugh at it with.Â
And maybe itâs your low standards, or maybe youâre just feeling particularly lonely right now (after pocketing the gummy instead of eating it). But you decide, after accidentally making eye contact with a certain bluebird in the middle of the street, that⌠thatâŚ
You take a breath. Your ego shrinks. Because câmon. Youâre choosing to talk to Berdly. Whatâre you doing?
His head zips around every few seconds, as if heâs trying to look for someone. Conspicuously. Failing tremendously, might you add.
When he sees youâre not making a beeline for him just to turn at the last second, he looks like he wants to tell you off. You definitely donât have the best relationship. And yet, it seems as though he refrains.Â
âAh,â he pronounces your name wrong. Damn. âLost as always, hm?â
You scoff. Your heartâs not really in it. âSays you. Youâre the one scanning the place like youâve committed a crime. Watching out for the police?â
His beak flies open. âOf course not! Iâm patiently awaiting my three bachelor/ettes!â
It doesnât take you more than a moment to realize. âYou mean Kris, Susie, and Noelle?â
Youâd say he was impressed by the way his eyebrows fly off his head. âWhat an astute observation coming from⌠a below-to-mid average student such as yourself!â
âItâs not that difficult to assume.â
Heâs practically talking to himself. âAh, you share many characteristics with Kris! Theyâd be top of the class with me and Noelâ with Noelle and I if they tried.â
You thought this dude was an asshat before. The hell changed?
âIt doesnât assist in your academic journey that you sleep through every lesson,â he continues. âQuite similar toââ
Donât need to hear the end of that! âSleep is private time. Stop watching me sleep.â
He gawks. âB⌠but you sleep in class! You sit right next to me? Itâd take an absolute plebian not to notice!â
âHow âbout you make like a plebian and stop noticing?â
Totally not worth the headache. Youâre about to trash-and-ditch, as youâd like to call it, whenâ
He wraps his feather-coated chicken fingers around your hand. âWait!â
He almost appears⌠earnest for a sec. âWait,â he repeats.
Youâre instantly terrified that Kris and Noelle said something to him. About you.
You saw them coming out from the computer lab a few days ago. Seems like they were awfully buddy-buddy. Like⌠with Berdly. Buddy-buddy. Thatâs insane.
But thenâŚ
âI need you to vote me for king.â
âWhat?â You rip your hand from his. âNo. That whole voting thingâs for, like, kids.â
Heâs automatically defensive. âNo! Itâs a testimony to demonstrate your superior bonds of friendship with your average peers!â
âAm I an average peer?â
âUm,â he pauses. âNo. Youâre above average. Now vote for me.â
âNo.â
His lackluster coolguy persona drops. âYou owe me! I allowed you ownership of my notes on Wednesday!â
âEhm, no, I stole them. Andââ Your tongue gets caught between your teeth, a bit unsure if you should be admitting this next part. ââthey werenât even yours. I know they were Noelleâs.â
âErm, actually, they were replicas of the notes acquired by Mrs. Alphys that Noelle was fulfilling for Kris while theyââ
âReally!?â You snap, shaking the bird by the shoulders. âHow fucking close are they!? They sure didnât care to reintroduce me into their rebudding friendship!â
He seems utterly confused at your outburst. Itâs not like he was paying attention, either. Something else caught his eye are you fucking kidding meâ
âAh, there they are!â He watches from behind you.
No, nope, youâre done with this. No more bunting banners, no more ice cream, no more Berdly. No more Susie. No more Noelle. No more Kris.
You lightly shake him until his eyes are set on yours, panic strung through your fingers. âOkay, Berdly. Iâll vote for you as king and queen. Have a good day!â
And you really try to leave. You really do. But he tugs you back like a manâ boy set on a mission.
âUhm, actually!â He somehow seems more stressed than you. âI only need the king vote. I am a king. Not a queen.â
You very unsubtly whip your head to the trio. Theyâre gaining on you. âYeah, okay! Iâll do whatever you want! Just let me go!â
That seems to strike a realization in him. âErm, I also need those notes back.â
âYou said they werenât yours!â
âI mean the ones from Monday, not Wednesday. Also maybe Tuesdayâs and last Fridayâsâ not this Friday but last Fridayââ
âYes, Berdly, Iâll give you every note Iâve ever had! In fact, you can take all of mine, too!â
âNo, I donât want your inferiorâ I mean, I donât need your notes, I want mineââ
âFine! Yes! All your notes! Given!â
He taps his beak. âActually, you can keep some in exchange for an exquisite walk around the festival.â
The bird waggles his eyebrows. Youâre about to go off on him, when you hear a pair snickering behind you.
Itâs Susie and Noelle. Theyâre laughing at your pain.
Kris isnât emoting nearly as much as them (or at all), but you swear you see a twitch at the edge of their lip every few seconds.
However, Berdlyâs got other priorities; he steals the spotlight rather quickly. âAh, if it isnât my three potential partners.â
Whatever. As long as the attentionâs off of you.
Youâre not really listening to his speech. Itâs long, drawn, dramatic. Youâd prefer to just⌠rest your eyes. Theyâre all too occupied to notice, anyways.
There was a festival morning. Not nearly as grueling as this one.Â
Youâre at the Dreemurrâs, planted right at their front steps, not quite listening to Torielâs own speech about having fun and staying safe alongside Kris and Noelle. Youâre too busy watching Dess and Azzy.
Theyâre together at the end of the driveway, huddled like they canât help but share the same bubble. Youâre not quite sure what proximity like that means, but you know it means something different. Something else.
Sheâs showing him something on her phone, right before intertwining her fingers with his.Â
It feels natural; the way your bodyâs inclined to act on impulse. Youâre grazing Krisâ hand before slithering your digits between theirs. Nothing about their expression changes. But you feel their fingers rest between your knuckles. Itâs just so right.Â
âCan I go with Kris this year?â You peep, directing your question to Toriel. You feel their hand tighten.
She almost instantly swoons, ruffling your head like youâve just asked the cutest question imaginable. âOf course! You three go together every year!â
Youâre not sure what the feeling is, but you feel inclined to look away. âBut like⌠I mean like⌠how Dess and Azzy go every year⌠togetherâŚâ
Any emotion from her face vanishes in an instant.Â
Instead, sheâs calling out to the aforementioned two, whoâre too busy giggling to prepare for her anger. âThe HELL are you teaching these two?â
Asrielâs entire body morphs into fight or flight (definitely flight), scrambling for an explanation, even a question.
Thankfully, December comes in for the save. âNothing inappropriate, maâam!â
But she sounds far too cocky for it to reign anything but false.
Despite that, Toriel decides to take it. She flips some internal switch; smile wider than she can manage. âOkay! Have fun! Do not make bad decisions!â
The latterâs not directed to you. But thatâs not what youâre focused on.
Youâre still holding hands.
Back then, you wouldnât know what a shiteating grin looked like. Dessâ own actually mightâve been the first youâve ever seen.Â
She calls for her little sister with intentions horribly impure, leaving you and the little human alone on their porch.
When the three are out of view, youâre shifting closer to their heat, whispering in their ear. âOkay. How about, this year, you climb on top of the ferris wheel thingyââ the gondola, ââand Iâll sit in it and I see how long I can shake the thing until you fall off.â
They already seem on board. âWeâre gonna get banned again,â they smile. Itâs rather contradicting with the assumed concern of their words.Â
âThen we gotta do it fast.â
And you watch each other for a moment. Formulating more ideas through your telepathic minds. Your grin grows a bit too big for your small face.
Itâs sad. You have the face for a big smile now.
You donât hide how intently youâre staring at Kris. You donât know when they started mirroring you, but theyâre gazing right back. Itâs hard to care. How many times has this happened today?
Berdlyâs practically white noise. You only stop to glance when he shifts from Susie to Krisâ from Susie to Kris.
Oh hell no. That better not mean what you think it means.
âKrisâŚâ he coos. âKris cross applesauceââ
Before Susie can interject, youâre yanking him by the back of his shirt. âNo.â
Because screw that. Like hell youâre gonna let them get close with Berdly of all fucking people.
Like hell youâre gonna let them get close with anyone before whatever the fuck happened fixes itself.
And of course all eyes dart to you! Of course you look like a psycho forâ youâre actually saving them from future years of torment! Whyâs everyone staring at you like youâre crazy!?
Kris doesnât look at you like youâre stupid. Their eyes widen ever so slightly.Â
Your teeth clench, as if saying âdonât you dareâ.Â
Donât you dare what? Who knows!
Too late to back down now!
âŚactually, what do you do now?
Susieâs the first to move, snaking an⌠octo-ball from her pocket. Thereâs little hairs and furs and lint sticking out of it.
She displays it to you like itâs a million dollars. âWant it?â
Youâre too lost to say anything other than: âOkay.â
They all watch as she tosses it to you. You chomp on it slowly. The lint instantly gets stuck in your teeth. Or is that the hair?
Noelleâs almost more confused than you. âDidnât you eat yours, Susie?â
âI did,â she admits, like itâs a felony. âThen Kris stole another one. And I stole it from them.â
âKris? You wanted another one?â
Before they can interject, Susieâs shrugging her shoulders.Â
âOf course they didnât,â she waits for the second half to enter your mouth before continuing. âIt was gonna end up with rooftop anyways.â
And youâre practically choking to death.
Youâre not sure whatâs more multicoloured: their rosy cheeks or your face from lack of oxygen.
~*â˘*~
Some kid stole the balloons from one of the trees. Of course it was one of your trees. That means youâre legally responsible. And itâs hardly an hour past noon. Whoâs out here stealing before the festival hits its peak? Does it even have a peak?
Youâd like to think the hooligans would only come out at dusk. Hooligans? Did you really just say hooligans?
Sure, you might have the same sleep schedule as someone in their eighties â sleep for sixteen hours and take little naps between â but you didnât think youâd start talking like them until your, like, thirtieth birthday. Thereâs not much hope to go around.
Due to your amazing star-child track record, you felt awfully obligated to go get replacements. At the Church. Itâs rather out of place of the festivalâs whole vibe.Â
While the sun crisps up the top of your head, your eyes donât immediately dilate at the dark foyer. Thereâs a few tables to your left; the vague shape of bowls displayed on their surfaces. You think thereâs someone further in front of you, maybe someone to your right?
It doesnât really matter. Get in, get out.Â
Not only are you partially blinded, youâre also mid-eye-rub, stepping blindly towards the storage room. Thereâs a sound, maybe a thump above you, andâ
âGyyah!â You shriek.
Someoneâs dropped in front of you dangling on a string and youâre trying to get your brain up to speed but youâre too exhausted to think straightâ
Your feet do all the decision-making, stumbling over one another, right into the unexpected guest behind you.
Fate tests you, and it tests you hard.Â
The moment you smell that apple shampoo, the moment you feel their hands hover near your shoulders in an obvious attempt to help you right yourself, you instantly cower away, shuffling to one of the tables with the⌠blood juice.Â
Alphys â the one hanging from the string, dressed as a vampire? â stutters your name in a confused panic. âI d-didnât think Iâd see you here, heheâŚâ
Well, her priorities are certainly in check.
âYeah, I justâŚâ you start, but donât find yourself continuing.
Itâs the trio (woah, really?), all previously distracted with Cattiâs fortune-teller table. Youâre assuming. Judging by the way Susieâs fingerâs only a few moments from tapping the catâs crystal ball.
Kris is oddly far from the pair, though. Closer to you, the middle of the foyer; their hands still slightly raised from your quick departure.Â
âThatââ your voice cracks. âThat wasnât⌠uh, I wasnât trying toâ I didnât see you. There. My, uh, my bad.â
Whyâre you trying to explain your very natural reaction to getting spooked?
Itâs not like you scare easily. Youâre really not on your A-game.
âHaha, donât worry. It got me, too,â Noelle chirps from her safe distance, offering a rather understanding smile. âMemorized every scare here. Guess we both didnât expect anything new this year, huh?â
âExpect anything new this yearâ. Fucking hell.
She hasnât even noticed you havenât attended this stupid festival in the last, like, decade? Really?
Some friend she is.
Your fists⌠unclench.
Guess you canât really call her that.
âSorry,â you say to no one in particular, staring at your feet like youâre some timid moron.
You retreat past the floating Alphys, squeezing into the storage room and shutting the door with more aggression than youâd rather they hear.Â
The trio doesnât seem as thoughtful, though. You can hear their murmurs through the door. Itâs a chore to try to tune them out.
The place is filled to the brim with boxes. Itâs rather apparent that they didnât have the time to keep it all organized before the big day.Â
You scan through the first few, only rummaging into decor-themed boxes. First, second, third, and on your fourth, you find it. A half-empty plastic ziplock of balloons.
You didnât kill nearly as much time as you wanted to. What if theyâre still outside?
Theyâre not. You heard them spout their goodbyes.
Maybe you just want to kill time for yourself. Itâs not like anyoneâs looking for the balls of air, anyways.
You contemplate sitting on the floor, but decide against it. Bits of glitter and confettiâre already stuck to the bottom of your shoes.Â
As if beckoning you, you glance to the piano bench. You feel it staring back.
Begrudgingly (and thoughtlessly), you take a seat. Memories thatâll spark, feelings thatâll emerge. You donât feel like dealing with that. You donât ever do.
And yet, you find yourself resting your arms on the keys, pressing just lightly enough to hear the jumble of notes play. Youâre the only one who gets to listen.
Your head falls on your nest of arms. And you close your eyes.
You had much more space to shuffle on the bench, having been half the size. But it didnât matter; you still sat shoulder to shoulder. You were both small, despite this being one of your later memories.Â
You canât really remember why youâre here. You think theyâre practicing for their festival performance. You donât think you asked. You just wanted to hear them play, to be honest.
Their fingers, nothing compared to the bulk of the keys, press with a practiced confidence. Something you rarely see from them.
Not that they donât display ego at times, but youâre pretty sure they donât intentionally do it.
You wait until after they finish to praise them. âCool song,â you press the keys, completing a clunky c-scale. âWhat other ones do you know?â
Either youâre horrible at hiding your true intent, or theyâre really good at reading you. âKnow how to do âTwinkle, Twinkleâ?â
Just the question alone gets you excited. âNope.â
Their left hand disappears behind their body. When they gesture to their right hand, you hold your own up with purpose.Â
Their fingers envelop your wrist, guiding you to a placement two octaves from their own. Your thumb rests on the C.
âYou ready?â They return to their own position.
âMhm.â
Their thumb presses the note twice. C note. Their eyes drift to your own, waiting for you to copy. You do.
The rest continues en suite. Your notes follow like an echo to their own.
Once you run through it together, they silently urge you to play it again, without them. You try.
A few notes off â an A instead of a G, an E instead of an F â but it sounds recognizable to the source material.Â
Stubborn as ever, you play through it again. You pause a few times, but you donât press any wrong notes. Feels good.
âOkay,â you pretend youâre not beaming with pride. âWhatâs next?â
âNext step up?â
âOh, yeah. Iâm ready.â
Somewhere near their feet, they bust out some insane looking sheet music. Notes youâve never seen before, shapes youâve never seen before. Just based on their struggle to keep a straight face, you scoff. But you donât back down.
âEhm, how âbout you play through once? And Iâll do the thing where Iâll learn by listening,â you offer, as if you have the right to negotiate.
They feed into your bullshit. You wouldnât have called it that back then; youâd have called it a âjokeâ. âPlaying by ear?â
âYeah. I got it,â you ready yourself with your misplaced confidence.
You can tell theyâre not taking you seriously.
They abruptly start playing, both hands heavily involved. You pretend to mimic their hand placement at your comfortable two octaves higher. Itâs definitely not working. You have no idea what youâre doing.Â
Your smile only grows when you notice their speed increase. Oh, yeah. Youâre absolutely lost.
But then, their composed music starts to deform, and you realize theyâve just started (lightly) smashing the keys at random.Â
You copy their spam of notes, piano deafening to the listening ear.
And yet, you hear them laugh. Itâs louder than anything in the room.Â
To you, at least.Â
Maybe only to you.
Itâs so unbelievably contagious.Â
Or itâs only contagious to you.
You slow your clutter when you hear them play the lowest note on the piano.
You copy an equivalent, playing the highest.
But they keep playing it.
Youâre confused. This isnât how the memory goes.
The sound bleeds through your ears until you realize itâs not just in your mind.
You barely shift your head. You leave just a small enough peephole above your arms to see whoâs trying to ruin your peaceful, much needed rest.Â
You donât have it in you to act surprised anymore.Â
Kris stands at the edge of the piano, watching you wake up.
Much of your face is shielded, but youâre sure they can make out your furrowed eyebrow.
Their finger falls from the note, back to their side. âThatâs not good for your back.â
Youâre still woozy. âWhat?â
They give just the slightest of nods. âSlouching over like that.â
Youâre instantly peeved. Oh, come on. Theyâre hunched over, knocked out in class, like, every day. âSays you, zombie.â
And you instantly want to take it back. Because youâre not close enough to make a joke like that anymore.
You pretend to take their advice, lifting into a half-assed sitting position. âSorry.â
They donât seem offended. They donât seem anything.
You watch their eyes drift to your hands that naturally rest on the piano. Said hands instantly go to your lap.
But theyâre not leaving.
âWhereâs Susie and Noelle?â You ask. Out of courtesy, for the most part. You donât really want to know.
Their gaze refuses to leave your fists. âHolding hands in the eyeball bowl.â
They either came back as a group, or Kris is straight up lying to you. Either way, you canât help but laugh. âDidnât they ban that specifically?â
They hum. You heard it from adults this morning. Weird subject to eaves drop on, but itâs all you could find that was semi-interesting.
âThatâs not as surprising as it should be,â you continue. âAz and Dess did some nasty finger shit in thereââ
And your mouth zips shut tight.
Is stating their names a violation of the unnamed policy? Lighting the already-crossed line on fire?
But they donât falter. In fact, their lip tilts up, just enough. You know youâd be the only one to notice. Like the weirdo you are. âYou sound like Catti.â
âThe hell did Catti do now?â
âShe hates Susie,â they shrug. âSomething about corrupting Noelle.â
Itâs not a great feeling. To not understand the dynamics that Kris talks so casually about. But you pretend to get it.
âOh, Noelle,â you coo. âSuch a pure soul. Far too pure for Catti, though. Or Susie,â from what you can gauge from watching her. âOr you.â
To your unhideable shock, they perch on the edge of the bench. Yeah, as far as they can be from you, but they sit nonetheless. âOr you.â
Youâre surprised to even be a part of the equation.
They glance past you, to the floor. To the box next to your feet. Right.
âDad ask for help?â They ask. Theyâre starting a lot of conversations. More than youâre used to.
You also canât tell if theyâre asking about the crate specifically, or about the entire day itself. âDidnât want to, but yeah. Could be doing more important things right now.â
âLike sleeping?â
You sigh dreamily. âYeah. Like sleeping.â
They seem to hesitate for a moment. Itâs nice to know theyâre just as unsure as you are. About any of it. About all of it.
They settle on: âDonât let me stop you.â
You waver. But itâs Kris. You donât know how to say no to Kris. You never did, you never do, and you never will.
You rest your head again, mimicking your attentiveness from when you first got to this hoarderâs paradise. And you close your eyes.
Sleep approaches quickly. Right before you let it take you, cocooning you in its wanted grace, you hear that same song.
The one for the festival. The one meant for an audience.Â
But this time, itâs just for you.
~*â˘*~
You awake with the most grueling back pain. It travels from your tailbone right up to your neck. Guess you shouldâve listened, after all.
Thereâs a tissue resting on the music rack. It blankets a red gummy.Â
You dig for the one in your pocket, only to bring it up to your eyes. Itâs sticky, covered with little fabric hairs. Youâre sure thereâs an unpleasant residue waiting for you where you kept it.Â
You pop them both in your mouth. The juices coat your tongue like a warm hug.Â
The festivalâs practically over. You spent the last few hours in your own head.Â
With empty streets and emptier thoughts, all you can think of is the ferris wheel.
Your trek there is short, efficient. You ignore one of the poleâs bald spots. Couldâve definitely used a balloon or two.Â
As you stand at the base of the contraption, all you can think is: Damn. Itâs a lot bigger than you remember.Â
You break off a lone branch from one of the surrounding trees, keeping it with you throughout your mission. Behind the booth sits a few buttons and levers. It doesnât take you long to press the right ones, ultimately pulling the latter to get it moving.Â
Its spin is slow and aged. You wait for the next gondola to appear at your feet, hopping into its unlocked side door.Â
When your ride hits the halfway mark, you hang out the open hatch, aiming your stick at the boothâs protected lever. Once you cross the three-quarter mark, you toss it violently.Â
It whacks the lever with enough pressure to just lodge it over from on to off. Youâve got a stronger throw than you thought, âcause wow you didnât think thatâd work.Â
After youâre certain youâve hit your peak, you crawl back into your gondola, leaving the door open a crack because you know youâll find some dumb way to get locked inside.
Youâre above the trees, in view of the horizon. The sun swims in oceans of red, orange, and pink hues. Itâs beautiful.Â
You sit yourself on the uncomfortable metal benches, resting your head against the hard frame of the heart.Â
Your eyes drift shut. This would be such a good time for another nap.
Maybe youâd dream about the times Kris would rock the seats. Or when theyâd manage to jam the machine so youâd get stuck at the top for half an hour. You can hide from everyone up here.Â
Maybe you want to think about those moments, whether involuntary or not.Â
But as you phase in and out of consciousness, you can feel your sleep to be dreamless.
And it just⌠ruins it all.
Youâve seen Kris more in the past twenty four hours than you have in the past couple years. And now, when youâre too tired? Thatâs when you canât spark up a single memory that your brain wants to dream about?
And not only that, but you feel like youâre being watched. You can knock yourself out in minutes, sure, but not when youâre paranoid.Â
You turn your back to the sunset. Towards the trees.
Thereâs a tuft of brown hair hanging over the heartâs arch, framing those damn beautiful red eyesâÂ
You better shut your corny ass up.
And yeah, you scream. Much louder than you did in the church. Itâs like your thoughts summoned them to your location.Â
From what you can see, they donât react. But thereâs just the slightest raise (lower?) in their cheekbones. Your pulse quickens, for some reason.
They disappear, retreating back to the top. You donât feel the metal groan from the relieved pressure of their departure. But then again, you didnât hear them get on, either. So who knows?
Thereâs two distinct taps on the roof. A fingernail to the frame.
You exhale, long and measured. Your dayâs already been fucked as is. Might as well make it worse.
And you sorta hate yourself for thinking that. You wouldâve said the exact opposite years ago.
The idea of interacting with them feels like so much work. But⌠not them, specifically.
You think you like it when they go out of their way to see you.
Maybe.
But itâs been so long.
Has nothing changed? Has any of it changed?
Youâre both so different.
How different could you really be?
You climb out the side door effortlessly, as youâve done a million times before. Instead of hearing your conjoined parents holler for you two to come down, thereâs nothing but trees waiting at your feet.
They watch you settle on the opposite arch. You refuse to look in their general direction.
âThatâs not how you play.â
Your eyebrows furrow. âWhat?â
They criss-cross their legs, leaning back on their palms. âDidnât feel you rock it once.â
You donât like how easy it is for them to bum you out. At least this time, it feels like youâre more mad at yourself than you are at them.
You pull your legs to your chest. âWhereâs Susie and Noelle?â
Better question. Why do you keep asking?
âOff doing stuff.â
And câmon. You canât help but flush at the implication. âNot like that, right?â
Out of the corner of your vision, you can see their fingers bunch into a tight fist. âNot like that.â
You feel shitty for even asking. âSorry.â
âDonât be.â
You donât even know why theyâre here. You donât know why youâre okay with them being here. Itâs probably their voice. Maybe their presence.Â
Doing nothing. Doing something.Â
It doesnât really matter to you. You feel indulgent.Â
Before tomorrow comes and youâre both back to normal.
âHow was your day?â You ask, hoping they donât think youâre being disingenuous.Â
They pause. You mightâve thrown them off.Â
âGood.â
âYeah?â
âNoelle and Susie seemed to have fun.â If you were anywhere close to making eye contact, theyâd have broken it instantly. âThey did most of the games.â
You find yourself staring at the side of their head. Greedily. âBut did you have fun?â
âSure.â
ââSureâ?â They can totally feel your gaze.Â
They drum their fingers on the frame. âForgot how many duo games there are.â
âDamn,â you sigh, partially feigning sympathy. The other half? Couldnât tell you. âThird wheel?â
âSomewhat.â
âI mean, I can't tell if Iâd rather be left out of a trio or straight up have no one to go with at all! Haha⌠ha..â
Wow, nice joke. Really funny! You couldnât have sounded more pathetic.
Thatâs when they turn their head to you. Curiosity? Confusion? Maybe just a hint of alarm?
You break it, glaring straight ahead. No need to look over anymore.
You kick your feet off the ledge, hoping to get a nice breeze on your calves. But your knees bend over the end, feet flush against the glass.
Your feet were never long enough to go over the edge before. Itâs a weird feeling.
âŚ
Fuck.
You push down the bile rising up your throat. âI think I hate this festival.â
âWhy?â
âWhy not? Itâs just another reminder that this townâs smaller than a dime. Whyâre weâ they pretending nothingâs changed? We all know sheâs gone. No oneâs moved on. One less than ten isnât the same as one less than a hundred.â
Woah, there. Youâve gotta slow down.Â
âThere arenât ten people in town.â
But theyâre not even treating you seriously. âMight as well be!â
âHave you moved on?â They accuse. Neutral as ever.Â
Your voice gets caught in your throat. You recover quickly. âMore than most!â
They give you the most earnest look youâve ever seen. It doesnât feel right.Â
âThen why arenât we friends?â
Oh, what an attack!
That youâre not!
Going to!
Respond to!
What could you say to that? Thereâs nothing you could say!
You shuffle away like theyâre leaking poisonous gas and oh right! Youâre on the heartâs slope!
You start sliding fast, legs taking a dive for the ground, arms thrashing like youâre a drowning baby, whenâ
Krisâ hands latch around both your biceps, carrying you with the sole will of their determination. And all you can think is damn, theyâre stronger than you thought.
Which is not the right thoughts to be having right now!
Youâre sure you look like a flailing idiot, but even they look far too relaxed for someone whoâs slipping by the minute.Â
And they continue as if this isnât happening!
âMaybe everyoneâs pretending nothingâs changed because they have moved on.â
You squeeze their biceps, only to skid a bit further. âThen, I donât know, theyâre lying to themselves!â
âAre they?â
âYeah! W-well, have you moved on?â
They lose their grip for a second.
Youâre actually gonna die. âWait!â donât answer thatââ
And yet, their eyes. Itâs like they really want to tell you.Â
Their mouth remains sealed. But they give you a quick shake of the head.
And, for some reason, knowing thatâŚ
âŚgives you relief.
Wow.Â
Youâre not the only one stuck in the past.
You canât believe you just admitted that to yourself.Â
You feel their grip weaken even more.
Thatâs when you start really panicking.
âWell, maybe we arenât friends because I thought you didnât wanna be around me after it all went down!â
Their mouthâs thrown agape.
And you slip from their grasp like butter.
But adrenalineâs got your back, baby! You use whatever grip on their arm you can manage to tug yourself up, delaying your fall.
Great! Now all you need to do isâ
Your fingers dig into their sweater.
Right next to their soul.Â
And youâre dragging them off the gondola like a sacrifice.Â
As youâre both falling, you watch their shock contort into panic. Yeah, you kinda butchered that one pretty bad.
All you can do now is close your eyes.
This is the end.
Youâre gonna die after admitting your lifeâs biggest secret.
Something you hold so close, so dear.
To the person youâd rather have never known.
It was probably selfish to think it; that they specifically went out of their way to remove you from their life. Especially when you knew they were struggling.
They were all struggling, werenât they?
You were, too.
Even if you didnât know December too well.
You still felt it.
The emptiness.
The lack of closure.
And now, youâ
âUuf.â
Your backside slams against the dirt, lungs slightly winded. Thereâs a silent (still heavy) weight that falls on top of you like youâre some specially made pillow.
As you groan, lids shut from the pain zapping through your bones, you feel a shadow crowd over you.
You squint. Itâs Kris, practically sprawled over your body, arms bracketing you. You can feel their breath on your lips.Â
Youâre close enough to watch the red engulf their face as they try to leap away, butâ
âWait!â You tug at their shoulders, positioning them right back over you. You just donât want them to bolt.
The flames spread down their neck. You bite your tongue. âAre you okay?â
âAre you okay?â They echo, sounding slightly out of character.
Your eyes drift closed. Because you can feel the rounds of laughter rise up your chest.
Youâre the only one laughing. You might be crying, too. Itâs hard to tell.
You only catch their confusion before they force themself back into neutrality.
âDid you mean to push everyone away after it happened? Or were you just doing that because everyone else was, too?â
They donât answer. You didnât really expect them too.
âBad question,â you croak, releasing your tight fists from their sweater.
After a second of debate, they get up. But they choose to sit next to your corpse-like body instead of retreating into the forest. Youâre not sure how theyâre not in excruciating pain right now, but you think you can take two for the team.
âNoelle hasnât moved on,â they comment randomly.
âDuh,â you caw rather bluntly, throat crackling from mucus. âThat was her sister.â
Thereâs a moment of silence before you reach for their leg. Just to rest your palm under their warmth. âDid you go willingly? To the festival, I mean.â
âI donât willingly go anywhere.â
You cackle at that. âYeah, but thatâs because school sucks. And itâs not fun when people talk to you as if they know you.â
You donât need them to say youâre right to show they agree.
They poke at your fingers like theyâre alien sausages. âMom makes me go.â
âYeah, that checks out.â
The sunâs practically gone. You watch the empty, black sky like it has something to offer.Â
They lay next to you. The entire lengths of your arms sit snug against each other.
Youâre about to say something else, when their hand brushes your hip. You totally werenât about to throw hands when they start digging through your pant pocket. Their fingers escape; between their index and middle lies a key. Definitely not your key.
Oh, yeah. You forgot to return that.
âWanna go grab free ice cream?â You offer mindlessly, voice slightly hoarse. âApparently, I still have the key to the cartâs top.â
They look at you like youâre a genius.
âOr we take the whole cart.â
You gasp. âDamn, youâre right. Even better.â
~~~ and then they make out the end
this whole fic takes place over a day and i dont think ive ever done a fic contained to 24 hours bruh im surprised i got enough out of it. also first time writing sans yooo
I love doing fics where reader is just going through the fucking ringer like bros struggling HARD in this one and its only them like get over it LOLOL
lowkey the mood was all over the place like sad one minute goofy the next but i tried to mix them nicely I HOPE U ENJOYED I HAVE ANOTHER ASK THAT I ALR WANNA DO SO WAIT ON THAT I GUESS ??? OR SEND ME ONE AND HOPE I LATCH ON LEECH STYLE LMAOOO LOVE U GUYS OK BYE <<<3<3<33333












