#non-binary jews

[ ID: Four images with the same design: a bright blue background with gold designs at the top and bottom and a six-pointed star at the top. Here is the text for the images: #1. “Protect Nonbinary Jewish Youth” #2. “Nonbinary Jews are wonderful” #3. “Respect Nonbinary Jews” #4. “Nonbinary Jews Belong in our communities” ]

Image Set #6: Nonbinary Jews

Image Set #1: Queer Jews

Image Set #2: Ace Jews

Image Set #3: Aro Jews

Image Set #4: Gay Jews

Image Set #5: Trans Jews

This is true all throughout the year, but I want to highlight these affirmations this Hanukkah.  The phrases on these sets are based on a set by @genderqueerpositivity​ about trans lesbian women.  I have a different identity set for each night of Hanukkah, so if you don’t see your identity here, please be patient. =D

And because I’m not Jewish and I want to center Jewish voices, I’ll be featuring a link to a different @shiraglassman story each night.

Cool! Thanks!

Hi anon,

This is a valid concern, and I’m glad you reached out. I’m not sure I’m the best person to answer this, as I am not (as of yet) converting Orthodox. Like you, I am also non-binary, and so despite finding many compelling things in every branch– orthodoxy included – I am not in a situation where that is feasible.

(If there are Orthodox non-binary folks out there – especially converts – who would like to provide a more nuanced, personal perspective, I strongly encourage you to do so.)

Before you do anything else, I would explore and reach out to Eshel. They will have better advice than I do; this response is honestly derived from my own explorations and research on this issue.

To be honest, it’s hard to guess how he’ll respond without knowing what type of orthodoxy he follows. As a broad generalization, orthodoxy values traditional gender differences and reinforces the binary in many ways in so doing. But orthodoxy is not a monolith. There are some Modern Orthodox and Open Orthodox shuls that intentionally use a “trichitza”and are more welcoming to trans/non-binary/gender variant folks (and it is entirely possible to be Orthodox and a feminist for that matter); however, the majority of subdivisions of orthodoxy have a standard mechitza and are generally of the opinion that transness and gender variance are against halacha. This does not mean that every single Orthodox person or even rabbi will be actively hostile towards you, but they may insist that you follow the ritual laws for women and/or attempt to change your gender.

Even those who are understanding on a human level may still view this as against halacha. Regardless of any valid arguments about the psychological/social/medical science underlying non-binary and trans identities and the human rights issues involved, the party line for most in the Orthodox world is that halacha stands apart from all of that as divine law and is not about rights, but responsibilities. Ergo, they may not want to convert you because as a gentile you are exempt from these laws and thus converting you would be doing you and the community a disservice.

Again – the Orthodox world is not a monolith; some Orthodox rabbis are more understanding on these issues, and some are even actively welcoming. However, the majority view is that transness is against halacha and that while trans people should be treated with compassion, this understanding of what constitutes a compassionate response leaves much to be desired from an LGBTQ+ rights perspective. Without knowing more about the rabbi you’re considering reaching out to, I have absolutely no way of knowing which way he would lean on this issue and, even if I did know what type of Orthodox he was, I have no way of knowing his personal feelings on the matter.

Personally –and I say this as a fellow non-binary person who is also drawn to many aspects of orthodoxy and has carefully considered it (and not totally ruled it out, should I move to another location) – I would do some deep reflection on what, precisely, it is that draws you to converting Orthodox rather than, say, Conservative.

If it’s the validity of having an ironclad conversion, while I completely understand and sympathize, you should also be aware that the individuals most likely to reject you for having a non-orthodox conversion also tend to be the people who would be critical and suspicious of your conversion anyway. People who are worth your time (and, in my experience, the great majority of Jewish people) will respect your process and not pry, even if it is not orthodox. Granted, you won’t be counted as halachically Jewish by Orthodox Jews, but that’s a separate issue.

If it’s the traditional service structure, you should know that the Conservative movement generally utilizes a very traditional service structure as well. Similarly, traditional observance is encouraged, despite making changes to the gender dynamics of ritual mitzvot and being open and accepting of LGBTQ+ folks. You would still be able to be observant and learn traditional methods of observance in a Conservative setting. (It’s also worth noting that there are some shuls who really ride that line between Conservative and Orthodox – often calling themselves “traditional,” “Torah observant,” or “conservadox”congregations – and they may be more open to you as a trans/non-binary person than a more mainstream Orthodox synagogue.)

If it’s an aliyah thing, you should know that even Reform converts can make aliyah, even though the liberal branches do face more resistance in Israel. See this thread.

If the issue is more just that the Orthodox shul/rabbi is the only one available, then it may be worth a try anyway. However, you must go in prepared for the possibility that you will be turned away definitively (not just the three times that are traditional) or that you will be told that you have to convert in the role of a woman. You may be lucky enough to have an understanding rabbi – in which case,by all means, go for it! There are a lot of truly wonderful things about Orthodox Judaism, and if you are able to convert under an Orthodox rabbi and choose to do so, I support you entirely. But you should also be mentally and emotionally prepared for the alternative.

Despite all of the above, I would encourage you not to give up. I wish things were different – I genuinely do. However, there are people working to make things different, and things are changing. The more liberal movements already embrace us as-is, and I would encourage you to not dismiss them.

Good luck with your search – wherever it takes you – and please feel free to message me privately if you’d like to discuss this further.