#non commitment

I love you but I can't wait forever.

I love you but I can't have only the small moments you offer.

I love you but I can't keep this up.

I want you but I want all of you.

I want you but I don't want to be shut out when you feel off.

I want you but I deserve more.

I love your eyes and the trace of your nose.

I love your smile and your laugh when I am a goof ball.

I love your passion for knowledge but do you care about mine?

I love you but I have to listen to my head.

I love you but this desire can't be fulfilled by your offerings.

I love you but I want my forever.

I love you but...

You won't commit,

You won't tell me,

You don't message me back,

You don't let me in,

You can't compromise,

You can't love me.

I love you but...

Why are you no longer speaking to me?

Now that you've had your piece of me, am I just surplus?

Do I not have feelings or needs?

Am I irrelevant to you?

I thought you cared.

You said you wanted me in your life.

This is a funny way to show me that.

You want me for snippets and then I'm forgotten. I think you forget, I am not a toy or tool to keep hidden in the back of the drawer until you remember me again. I am a living, breathing, blood-pumping human being and I damn well deserve to be treated as such.

I deserve so much more.

So. Much. More.

Yet... Why, oh why am I still scared to tell you this? Why can't I muster the guts to end this clearly one sided thing?

Because... I love you.

Not that you deserve it.

But I love you.

I. Love. You.

But...

The last 2 years have been hard. We broke up he didn't want to see me again, we became friends again then started sleeping together. The whole time I never stopped loving him and wishing that I wasn't the cause to our breakup even though I was. I wanted him back so bad. Every now and then I'd tell him that I love him, the first time I said it he replied with that he couldn't reciprocate, then every reply from then was "I know" or just a smile.

Last night we were cuddled in bed, he wasn't feeling too well and he said that i was too good to him and my feelings got the best of me and I said "I love you" he did his usual "I know" there was silence then he said that he loves me in his own special way and that he sees us as a non commitment where we want to move in and all that jazz. Labeless?

To be honest I couldn't be happier.