spanish tastes so sweet that it stings. music sounds so good that it makes me want to leave everything and run barefoot on wet pavement and not care where i end up.

both of these things feel like so much because i do not get enough of them. i do not ALLOW MYSELF these tastes. nnnnnnno tassssste

I ALLOW MYSELF NOTHING. I GIVE MYSELF NOTHING. 

IT’S OKAY WHEN THINGS I DONT LIKE HAPPEN IT’S OKAY WHEN I DO THINGS TO MYSELF THAT I DONT LIKE

IT WAS ALL AN EXPERIMENT

IT WAS ALL AN EXPERIMENT

a grand one. 

new experiment: i am scattered. i am what remains. 

i do what i want. i exist in the present. there is no future. there is no planning. there is JUST NOW. THERE IS ONLY NOW. 

everything else is always okay. that is faith. that is how things move. 

that is the point. 

i am not allowing myself any more NOs in the present for any YESs in the future.

i feel so free around creation. i am creation. i must create. OTHER PEOPLE DO NOT MATTER. I AM SCREAMING THIS TO MYSELF. NO ONE MATTERS. IT IS JUST ME IT IS FOR MYSELF IT IS I.