#nofems

I could have my name set to footsexonly and some motherfucker named ihatefeet will be like "you up?'

Totally #masc4masc let's rep that @scruffapp hat man all about it #loveit do I look #straight #gay #ʜᴜᴍᴘᴅᴀʏʜᴜᴍᴏʀ #nofems lol I love this shit #scruff #beard #latino #browneyes and can't forget reppin that @fox_clothing tank one of my favorite tanks if I do say.

Staying Sexy and not gettting murdered at Balboa Park with My Favorite Murder and Nick while he takes pictures for "Egg Boys" clothing line. #StaySexyDontGetMurdered #MyFavoriteMurder #KarenGilgariff #GeorgiaHardstark #BalboaPark #EggBoys #SanDiego #SundayFunday #Extra #Bae #EggBoysclothing #NoFems

When all you want to do is take the kids out bowling but they all think they're too cool for dad so you're stuck at home drinking beer and watching espn or something. #dad #dadhat #starwars #lightsaber #NoFems #TGIF

And before you jump to conclusions... NO I am not “Femme” nor am I “Fat” no matter what your definition of each may be. What I am is a human, capable of love. One with feelings and one who looks at a person for what they have to offer, not just what they look like. And please don’t get me wrong, I do love the video and get that it is for entertainment purposes. But its happening in real life. And that’s what its poking fun at. Looks fade. We all get old. Love who you want to love and live your life how you want. But don’t make others feel like shit for trying to do the same damn thing. #EndRant

Okay. Been thinking about this for a long time and haven't found the right place to write about it. As an effeminate gay man of color trying to find love in this golden age of technology, I have encountered numerous - mostly white muscular cis men - profiles on dating apps posting: "No fats" "Vanilla only - no spicy, black or rice" and my personal favorite, "No fems" time and time again. Not gonna lie, it hurts. Especially when the media has fed me that "the one" is probably white (i.e. every Disney movie ever). Years have taught me that is not the case. Like, at all. I also came to realize that these men not only battle with inner homophobia, but are also super racist. Or are they? Racist I mean. The inner homophobia is a total bitch and lingers on you even at twenty five years old, I mean, I'm comfortable in my own skin, why the fuck am I not okay with my homosexuality?!?!!??!? But I digress. Just because this particular generic white man you see portrayed in every tv show, or movie, doesn't want to have sex with you doesn't make him a racist. He's just not into you. Stop playing the victim because he doesn't find you "pretty." What the fuck has he added to your life? Being hot? There are WAY MORE generic white dudes out there who are actually nice. And aren't you the racist one? Why do you only like white men? What is wrong with the other races? You are adding to the problem just because you didn't get your way with this dude who not only has rejected you, but has proven what a close mind he has about the world - and men. Please google if you don't know them: Idris Elba Mario Lopez Harry Shum Jr Rahul Kohli Zayn Malik Just to name a few famous people who can get it and are NOT white. Believe me, I get it. Dating sucks. Rejection sucks even more, but don't victimize yourself just because someone obviously attractive doesn't get hard when he looks at you.

happy to share and announce this collaboration with micah bazant. this past summer, the beach was my second home. i'd go many weekends with friends, sometimes alone, and some days after work to relax and commune with the water. during one particular visit, i posed for what would become a viral photo of me, in all my fat femme splendor and glory, serving the children body for their nerves. the photo was mostly reposted with "mood" and "i wish my confidence looked like this" and other silly-internet-millennial 'tings; while others were not so nice, body shaming and being extremely fatphobic. this moment was really defining because it revealed to me how important my work and life is, and that the world is not ready because "the world" is limited and shaped by people who refuse to be ready to transform in thought and knowing. all that to say, i'm happy to have this photo transformed into art. I won't write much here because of a forthcoming essay but i do, however, want to leave you with these words: confidence is not a destination to which we arrive, it is an ongoing project of engaging our most vulnerable, unexplored self. donate and support: bit.ly/nofatsnofems