Feeling too much?
As an INFJ, I first noticed that I started developing my auxiliary or secondary function, extroverted feeling (Fe) a couple of years ago when I started university, especially during fresher’s week. There was a period when I thought I had converted to an extrovert as I had never seeked out friends prior to this, nor did I care about doing so. My friends from school were made by ‘accident’ as I like to call it or ‘destiny’ or whatever but the point is, I was never the one to first initiate friendship and I was alright with this.
Anyway, I really enjoyed my ability to connect with others and show empathy through Fe and feel less robotic and more like a people person, which I do consider myself as. However it has recently come to my attention while studying the cognitive functions that this Fe might actually be more harmful to my identity and has pushed me into this people pleasing mode and I realise that I hardly state my opinions due to fear of conflict with others. Also through socialising with Fi doms I have come to the realisation that I am not actually in tune with my feelings at all while completely being in tune with the feelings of others and prioritising this over my own. This makes decision making for even trivial things so difficult e.g. deciding where to eat with friends, hence why I also really enjoy my alone time as I am free from this people pleasing nature and feel less exhausted. Decision making even on my own decisions takes time and can be difficult as I always need validation even though i realise that I always stick to the one decision I made before validation.
I have also recently asked myself the question, what are my hobbies? What are my interests? What do I like? What am I passionate about? This leaves me in an identity crisis whenever I have time and space alone, hence why I subconsciously always try to be productive with my time so I don’t end up in this sad rabbit hole. If I don’t think about it, I think I am happy at least. This is why I also hate icebreakers when you do group activities at uni or interviews or when you first meet someone and tell them about yourself and you don’t actually know who you really are but can go on for hours about everyone else. Also, I call myself a chameleon for this reason, as I can blend in with others and change myself subconsciously to fit others and this even happens with my accent depending on who I’m talking to. I’m aware this can come across as fake but I do it subconsciously and I guess a positive is that as a medical student, it makes me relatable when I’m with patients in the hospital as I can communicate in their manner and fit their needs which helps build rapport.
What do my fellow INFJs think of this? Is this relatable?
