an underlying theme i love going on tangents about when writing nkw/alan is what's in a name. because the first obvious point is that he changed his name from robinson to sinclair right before he applied for OBU, but the distinction between 'before i changed my name' and 'after i changed my name' is so clear in his mind that he almost describes them as two separate individuals. alan sinclair, law student, nervous for his SQE2 but confident in his knowledge, independent, respectable; alan robinson, eight years old, scared, vulnerable, dirt broke, crying to himself in a council flat in manchester.
but then there's the issue of neither name is exactly 'right'. neither feels clean for him. sinclair feels natural. he still turns his head when someone says robinson. except robinson is associated with years of trauma and loneliness, so he changed it to distance himself. but then sinclair is no less associated with the past; alan sinclair is a persona he made up at 17 to pretend none of it ever happened, and alan sinclair is a horrible coping mechanism for him
