#niqab reflection

alhamdulillah during ramadhan, i brought back the habit of carrying my physical quran around with me. i used to do it when i was a teen but always felt embarrassed when i had to. once i found out quran.com had an app, i stopped feeling guilty for not bringing my physical quran everywhere with me since i was already doing so through technology.

there's just something about ramadhan that makes bringing the quran to life feel like a second skin you can easily slide into. the metaphor is a little gross but it's the best way i can describe things. soon, leaving the house without my quran made me just as anxious as if i had left without my water bottle.

with regards to memorization, i prefer to do so out loud verbally over in writing. i don't discount the importance but it feels like a waste to not use the voice allah had blessed me with for his remembrance. i find it very humbling for the words of god to be allowed to exist within my physical body, for this sacred knowledge to be within reach of my memory so reciting quran is an honour i gladly celebrate. thus far, i would only memorize in mosques and prayer rooms as those were the only socially acceptable places to recite quran. during ramadhan, i ventured into memorizing while waiting for friends to arrive or be done praying while we were out.

part of why i was so put off memorizing in public is the mouth movements you have to make for correct tajwid. i wasn't ashamed of it as it's necessary but i was self-conscious and i'd rather grow closer to god than prove a point. my relationship with the quran is one i prioritize greatly over my anxiety so i'm willing to take the plunge and put the niqab on.

i'm sharing my story so people can see how the niqab can function in someone's daily practice and the sacrifices one has to make for a better relationship with god's revelation.