#nine-alpha

Chiaki was the sun in your life, burning himself permanently into your daily schedule unintentionally, you couldn’t even bare to handle the task of not basking in his presence without feeling uneasy and overly anxious towards strangers. He’d been a huge emotional support buddy throughout your colorless world, pulling you out from the depths of self-doubt and depravity just by the blinding smiles … motivational speeches … overbearing positivity that seeks out justice - it ends up ripping you out of your lethargic state only to throw you into another changing maze. Not only are you extremely insecure, but you rely so much on his comforting touches and guidance - an unavoidable drug - it’s almost seemingly impossible to withdraw yourself and not start bawling out for him.

It feels like someone’s repeatedly stabbing you in the heart with a smile. you cannot breathe, nor function properly if you are not in the presence of him - that is what your brain repeats constantly. Molded solely for the purpose of one person, you’d do anything for him just to stay by his side as silent can be. a useless … sidekick maybe? Fighting crime ... just because you want to impress, enlighten your savior - your hero.

But … this only makes him feel like a true superhero, yours exclusively to be direct ! He indirectly encourages you to depend on him even more if possible, disregarding the lifetime consequences and issues you’ll stumble upon yourself. To rescue you in dire situations; small breakdowns after realizing the third year was no longer suited by your side, Chiaki will gladly sweep you into his arms as he whispers sweet lullabies to soothe all your worries - almost on command do your tears bid away. Anything else that he’s able to fix somewhat, he’d do it all for you in a heartbeat.

He adores you just as much.

I:

And for today, this was the fifth time he’s saved you.

“[Name], you’re okay. Fear not, now that meteor red is here.” Dabbing the tears away with the hem of his shirt, your cries are instantly soothed once the familiar scent of crosses your nose. Inhaling his distinguishable smell as you burrowed your face into the inside of his rouge jacket to hide yourself from everyone else staring at you earlier, mumbling rampantly on how you missed him and how you adore him so desperately - he’d beam brightly.

Taking your cold hands with his own warm ones, giving it a light squeeze for reassurance.

“ ... Please focus on your classes. When it comes to grades, I don’t believe I can really do anything to prevent it besides offering some tutoring … Work hard for your own good - for us, okay? I don’t want to lose you due to something minor like that ever.” He’s stern about this. 

He’s been bugged by many instructors for your negligence on your assignments, and because Chiaki’s words are key - you never had to be told twice when your time with him is at risk.

See? Everything’s been solved.

Your suffocating clinginess doesn’t seem to bother him. The sight of you tugging on the end of his sleeves, glancing up at him with the lost look in your eyes that lingers frequently - so, so cute that he wants to sweep you off your feet another time and coo at you endlessly. He’s equally as grateful for someone like you in his life, though he doesn’t make that fact known as much. Cuddles are greatly appreciated and brightens the mood, you do it almost every time when possible just to see happiness bloom onto his face - urging him over towards the bed so you can get squished to death - hugged by him. You ease your way into his arms, as they find themselves sliding under your waist as he ponders off about stories you could never get tired of. 

Because you are over his dorm much more than his own roommate, you might as well consider living there ... no, you basically are. Just unofficially. 

Teachers will be beyond stressed dealing with you. You wouldn’t participate in any single activity nor subject unless Chiaki is somewhat included or mentioned. Classmates will begin to question if there’s something wrong and your once close peers would be far more distant than the usual stranger. Eventually the school counselor has to get involved in your case, using the idea of attending therapy / support group if possible to cure your once small anxieties ... Which now proliferated at much more extreme levels the more you hung around that certain person. He ... doesn’t seem to take this too well, almost insulted by it. Is it wrong to look up to him so bad? He’s an unhealthy influence, they stated, for you? Now that’s impossible.

Clearly, they’re not so professional as stated. 

He informs you that you are completely fine - stable at his side ... cough, only at his side, so do not take up your counselor’s offer. By all means, this is for the best ! and you listen without bearing any questions, you feel okay ... You are okay. Except that you are not, and are blinded in the false sense of security ... it’s unhealthy - and none of you are aware of that, and possibly will never be.    

Doesn’t take long for you to move into his own place permanently, a good amount of your clothes and items already reside over there anyways so that wasn’t a hassle - plus, your own roommate doesn’t seem to mind your absence. Not like you two were any close to begin with, and now you’re able to spend your dreary free time not mourning over the absence of Chiaki, but staying with the love of your life. 

As he is an idol, he still needs to complete the duties and tasks of being a ryuseitai leader, so Chiaki unfortunately, can’t hang at the dorm or take you out as much as he’d like you to ... You must be bored out of your mind to be stuck in that suffocating room of his - or so he thinks. And he’s half right, some days you didn’t quite mind, chilling as you awaited his arrival by reading the many comic books collecting dust on his shelves or organizing his mess of action figures that usually found themselves strewn across the place. Other days, will your mood unexpectedly hit sink bottom. Time is excruciatingly long when you count the minutes without him, and you can’t seem to help yourself from not wanting to harm yourself.  

You appreciated him so much, you’d hate for him to find out what you’d do to yourself when you’re unstable and alone - nails tearing down your arms, biting the tips of your fingertips, anything that isn’t a ‘huge deal,’ but gets the job done. Can’t have it in obvious spots. 

Then you patch yourself like nothing had ever happen.

Who knows what, he might end up in shambles at the sight of your wounds - and might abandoned you like the rest of them. If he does that, what would you do ... now?

But god forbid you to cling onto anyone else during his short absences. you weren’t typically comfortable talking with any other soul besides him, that is what he’s used to and expects, so if he discovers another figure in your life who also seems to bring you out of your shell makes him feel quite ... betrayed. Who is this person? Why are you comfortable with them basking in your presence all of a sudden, were you being threatened? All these questions swarm his mind ...            

He’d managed to see them as a manipulative villain, someone taking advantage of your vulnerability - no, forcing you and taking you as their own hostage. They must be provoking him, that’s it ...

Why else would you be with someone else?

II:

“... W-Why, you ... I thought you said you were ...” 

True horror reflected off your glossy eyes as you watched your hero snapped - mere sanity, and your friend’s neck hanging aimlessly and out of place. Chiaki, remains with the very same smile he used when he first approached you when you were groveling and tired with an outstretched arm, offering you his fair hand. But, it’s difficult finding the nerve to even spare a glance at him when his fingers earlier found themselves latched around someone’s neck. He did all this in a natural manner where he hadn’t just dropped a body, disregarding your apparent fear as you being traumatized for being ‘kidnapped.’ 

Surely, not because of him.

Anything but.

“[Name] ... I’m so glad you’re safe ! I got rid of that evil, evil villain who kept on bothering you while I was away - so you don’t have to worry anymore ! Come here, my little sidekick.” 

You’re shaking.

“Come here.” 

He doesn’t want to repeat this twice.

You abide, like you have been doing for months now. A small wail leaves your trembling throat as your shaky hand seeks out for his blood-stained ones. You are pulled into a warm embrace - the comfortable safe place you’ve always been aligned to, wrapping your arms around him and letting the sadness and grief finally run down your eyes. It is clear. Chiaki still is the sun of your life, you desperately are in need of him - as he’s a huge staple in your depreciating life, there’s no one out there for you other than him.

He rubs your back comfortingly, attempting to kiss away the salty droplets. 

Disregarding the fact that he was the reason for your tears.