#*gaslighting

─ You’d grown up attached to his side. Your mother - a courageous young woman gave birth to you in what is known as the ‘Eternal Paradise’ cult after having escaped a previous toxic relationship. Unfortunately many complications came after your mother in your early years of being a tiny little child, she’d have to leave her own baby a little ... earlier than expected. With her life being taken up at the fragile age of twenty two - if it isn’t clear by now, you are left in the organization’s care.

─ And Douma, the head and sole focus of the cult, had gladly taken responsibility for you. He did grew fond of your mother after all and pledged to look after you in any other case. Well ... it’s more so the rest of the followers tending to your human needs and basic affection, but he’d been there to help provide entertainment and lots, and lots of attention - he’s personally watched you fall a plentiful amount of times flat on your face as you tried to walk towards his wide arms as a toddler, fed you a concerning amount of goodies before getting yelled at for throwing your meal plan out the window, and so much more memories you could easily recall - clear as day ... Not that you’ve seen the outside much. 

─ He was a huge staple in your childhood. So years and years of not counting the days, had you blossomed before his alluring eyes, a fine young human who never fails to bring some color to his face upon sight without even trying, as the corner of his lips curve into a wicked smile when you come to light - you’d made his dreadful, boring days a lot brighter than usual. It is clear that he adores you, and the forthcoming of you.

I:

“[Name], my precious. Has it dawn over you yet that you’re still a tiny youth in my eyes? I miss when you were unable to walk across the room without my assistance, or when you’d beg for a piece of candy. Cute, I wish you were still small at least.”

You puffed your pinch-able cheeks at him. He’d fight the urge to hop right off his bottom to go and squeeze you to death, as humans liked to say. Baby-talking you even if you’ve already passed the age long ago is a delightful hobby of his when trying to seek some sort of entertainment on a dreadfully boring day. You don’t seem to be amused, and that’s why you’re coerced to speak up on your displeasure, “Why must you keep bringing that up, are you trying to pick a fight? Hmm... hmm? I’ll have you know that I’m nineteen now, and clearly able to give you a smack.”

You’re kidding of course, you knew better than to lay even a finger on a Lord... But that doesn’t stop you from making a few jokes here and there. Seeing how you aren’t punished for these actions gives you the confirmation to continue on.  

He laughs, a stare so dreamy - you’d never noticed the way he views you, and he’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible.

“Still as childish as ever ... hey. What do you think about having [favorite dish] ?” 

“And you still know me more than ever, Lord Douma!”

“Of course ... You’ve been in our care, after all.” 

If only you’d be able to stand by his side without the cruel knowledge of reality, you’ve really would’ve gotten to live a lavished life without any worries tainting your mind.

─ As the rest of the followers, you naturally have to complete some chores, duties, tasks throughout the huge temple. Though, there isn’t much for you to do so to begin with anyways in favor of yours truly, you were always given the simply job of keeping him company, glued at his side. Just smile and be a doll for him, Douma only wishes to monitor you. Nothing significant, nothing difficult, and certainly nothing to strain even a precious brain cell of yours. You’d complain about it regularly to him any chance you get - as a joke, an actual concern, they’re easily disregarded with a small smile much to your disappointment. 

You didn’t like the idea of not contributing to your family ... but if the Lord himself says you didn’t need to - then you’d quietly oblige. But of course, others took notice of your special treatment.

─ For being somewhat passive, you held no grudge for anything as the result of the constant conditioning of yours truly. The fair maidens could not bring themselves to bring you down for obviously being the lucky one Lord Douma happens to favor. They’d hold back their spiteful tongues, greeting you back with the kindness you’ve spared them - to everyone. Sure there were a handpicked few whom pulled a couple of devious antics already merely out of envy, but the majority of it turned out quite harmless - pranks even. You’re always able to laugh them off, telling them that ‘they got you good!’ ... The same wouldn’t go for your caretaker. He isn’t so pleased when finding out about their few deeds through snitches who genuinely believe it’ll raise their impression on him and give them a higher chance of loving them.

Yea, they can think whatever they want - his main concern is you. You’re letting people under you treat you like that? Hilarious, you may let it slide, but for sure he cannot. Since there’s quite a hefty amount of followers flocking around him, no one will notice the disappearances of two, or three. Just got to get rid of those vile few and you’ll all live happily ever after.

─ Safe to say he’s had a decent amount of affairs between his sacrifi - dear followers, why wouldn’t he too, make a move on you? Well, you’re quite special in another way. Because you are cherished so much by the tip of his fingers, he finds complete satisfaction in having you silently by his side as you giggle on about some stupid jokes you’ve picked up around the temple, that’s enough to make his entire day. Does he ... happen to love you? Hmm, even he cannot confirm such thing. All he knows is that, you’re a blessing to him in this boring world.

So where did everything go wrong?

II:

It is not your fault you could hear people whispering amongst themselves from where you are standing. You were originally planning on walking back to the main chambers to bug Douma about whatever you had on your mind that time, but your ears couldn’t help but pick up your name the moment you step foot into the hallways. Curiosity takes over your body, quickly hiding behind another wall close enough to where you can eavesdrop on them.

What did they have to say about you? Something negative you suppose, like always. Well, you’ve already grown used to hearing accusations about you, doesn’t hurt to hear what these women had to say, and then head to -

“That’s absolutely horrible ... this whole time, [Name] thinks that their mother died by natural causes ... but isn’t it actually his faul -”

But what you’d assume is her promising friend is fast enough to slap a hand onto her mouth, preventing her from spilling a detail you’d desperately want to know.

“You should quiet down - you know you’ll be exiled if someone hears you.”

And with your back pressed against the wall, stomach churning the more you start to piece together what could have possibly transpired long ago. There’s an event that is held every once in a while for members that have been with the ‘man’ for years, though you’re not ever allowed on these excursions, he tells you that those people are usually allowed to be let go if they so desire. That would supposedly explain why most of them never came back.

... So he did have something to do with your mom’s disappearance, and you aim to find out the truth.

─ You are understandably heartbroken finding out the news - from a fellow follower and not even the bastard himself. And because you weren’t even thinking of keeping that major thing to yourself, the idea of sneaking off somewhere else when he least expects it jumps right over your head. You bring this subject straight to Douma - no filter, no doubts, just questions ... wanting to confirm if this horrible rumor is in fact, not a rumor. Judging by the silence, he’s not pleased, but it hides itself deep within one of those façade of a smiles. You wonder if all the other ones he shined at you were genuine.

Snarling almost, a whole new tone that he hasn’t even thought of coming from you - you’re actually displeased with him for once? Angry? 

─ Douma let’s you on a few clarifications for your stupid bravery. He had never even thought of hurting you, no, you were the only exception - the only one he’s planned on letting happen to you was to grow up old and clueless by his side. That’s all he’s ever wished for, and here you’re questioning his innocence. Who are you to do so?

Temple life was never the same.

─ Say goodbye to all the privileges you never knew existed until now. It’s pathetic of you to see how blind you’ve been to all the women being tortured, starving for his attention, and then get thrown to the side as soon as they are a use to him no more. You’ve been happily munching on your favorite meal while all this cruelty went on, it appears to you that you’ve been selfish. Maybe that’s why you were somewhat content on staying in these dungeons, chained, and isolated from anything that breathes. Ignoring all of his coos when he comes to visit you after accompanying the cult, doing things you thought he wouldn’t ever do to you.

You cannot dare to face him, you felt betrayed.

─ You’d think everyone that worshiped Douma would be ecstatic, thinking he’d just dump you away in the woods ... absolutely not. The Lord they know now is much, much worse, choosing to direct his frustration onto them since things had not gone his way. Whilst for you, he’ll continue to smother in dubious affection, even if he has to push them onto you.

“... Looks like this little individual needs a quick refresher on the new, exciting laws I laid out for a stubborn, vile mutt like you, [Surname]. You agree, don’t you?”

Riddle’s breathy grins grows even more sinister by each spurred word. The more he muses over the awaited punishment to pair off with your improper deeds that moment, the more cruel the sadistic glint in his ruby, lustrous eyes gets. You’re such a pest, right below the very dirt under his endowed feet. Playing off the charade of a displeased ruler when he’s up high in the clouds discovering another fault in your stupid actions. You see the way he sneers at his lackeys every minute of the day to pass the time, it’s no surprise that you too, are getting scolded for the poor performance you display daily for him.

How pitiful.

Clumsy when it comes to coordination, deficient listening skills, unable to do the mundane of things - you have to be told to do it right rigorously in order for you to actually take the time to fix your shitty mistakes.

And despite every harsh word he’s inflicted upon you, you’re still his favorite (one to belittle) judging by the after care he bestows upon you after the harsh discipline ... or is it being provided just to give you some more false hope to cling onto as you’re being pulled deeper into a wonderland full of despair? Whatever the case may be, you’d have a hard time speaking up against the prefect, knowing full well it would’ve been “off with your tongue !” as consequence.

All everyone knows, including you, is that he thoroughly enjoys reprimanding wrongdoers, relishing every second of their misery.

... But fair not, do not get this treatment twisted one bit, this is to shape you into a better ... proper student. He is doing his part seriously as your beloved senior, showing you the welcoming ropes around the dormitory, Heartsbyul, even if it is a bit too constricting around your limbs. It is important to learn the appropriate way now than never. This is a method he has dealt with personally for his entire life, you’re getting the same bitterness he was forced to take since childhood - not allowed the warmth of a caretaker, the sweetness of a strawberry tart, and the welcoming arms of a home. What a callous joke.

All he knows is that this is working.

Why wouldn’t it be if this has been successful in his lineage for ages?

“I’ll go over them slower than usual, don’t want to overwork your brain ... you’re lucky I’m patient with you. Let’s get along well for sure now, yes? Now, where should we begin ...”

“Do not make me repeat after myself.”

There’s always heavy malice laced in his name when being whispered among the students, he knows this - and is quick to shut down said rumors by a single snap. Easy fix. But you on the other hand, don’t you dare say anything negative about him. It’s different when the person he supposedly loves, to speak of him like that. He may even consider actually cutting off your tongue if it comes to that. It won’t bother him much, he’ll still love you even if you cannot respond to his questions. Perhaps maybe he’ll love you even more? 

Riddle reigns - and everyone abides, for his word holds the kingdom’s structure up after all. There is no ill intentions behind his crude actions … but that does not justify every single decision made. Because all choices are painfully hefty when at the hands of the Queen’s laws, there will be many storms and anguish brewing throughout the relationship - for you that is. Just know that the authority has always been him. You can question all you want as his loyal partner, be it known, the man will stick through his ruling no matter the consequences. Until someone proves him wrong, he guesses.

Long term dedication on changing his ways cannot reach his untamed heart. As do the rest, he kills mercilessly - precious and all. The love he has in store for you is frankly the wrong kind because he feels inclined to bring you down: your soul, your hopes, your dreams, everything shall all come crashing down along with the rest of the kingdoms. Everything, will soon come falling into place. 

‘Accidents’ can be overlooked if it is the first time, there should be no reason for you to casually make a mistake another time. Was it because you were given no discipline? Is it because people do not learn until they are punished properly? Well that had to be the case, the others know better than to mess up in general. This is why you have to cherish those merciful words he bestows rarely upon you, and quickly fix up any errors.

“You must not take off that collar.”

Yes, the fact that you aren’t a magic user is already let known amongst everyone in this academy since day one - it is not difficult to lay out the principle that he is the one in control here. Everyone knows that, and you should too... if you treasured the silly thing you called, freedom. But can you really call it that when everything falls under his authority? 

Still, you’re not getting away from wearing one of those collars. In fact, he has a personalized one made just for you that you should be wearing at all times. It’s just a little touch to let everyone know that you’re off-limits, a silent declaration of war on those who even dare try to approach something that is his - shall be met with a detrimental fate. If anyone is curious to know, well, they can try it for themselves. No one is technically stopping them from talking to you anyways. In fact, not far off to say Riddle wants someone to provoke him. He wants to prove how very wrong they are, and show you that you don’t want to involve anyone else in this mess, do you?

He doesn’t view you on his level. No, he doesn’t see anyone on the same level as his. You’re just much, much lower than the usual... which is strange if you are considered his favorite student. Not even the typical wrongdoers get this bad of a treatment, just you.

Dare bring the unfairness up, he’ll surprisingly answer without any hesitation - ignoring all the justifications of yours. “Because I feel like it.” Riddle doesn’t try to hide it, there’s no need to, and for you to carelessly ask him such question like that out of nowhere is already out of line.

“You are to take any punishment you deserve.”

There’s a reason why you don’t try to make it even worse by getting on his bad side, intentionally at least. When he’s enjoying your light suffering, the penalties are surprisingly much more tamed than when riddle is throwing a crazed fit at somebody’s disobedience. Times like that, is when he’s absolutely feral on making you feel worthless, disgusting, every unfavorable trait. This can range from starving you for up to a week, isolating you from everyone including him for god knows how long, and even drugging you with the treats Trey had baked and laced. They’re delicious in the beginning, yes, but then you slowly start to heat up and feel ... strange.

Everything starts to get hot. You’re getting restless, fidgety, panting, staring up at him dumbfounded, as if you were waiting for him to move. His gaze sweeps down to see your current state. A faint smirk tugs at the lips, the effects are working efficiently - and he only turns his attention away to talk with the others. The obvious desperation in your eyes and body, are deliciously divine - if only you acted affectionate like this sober, then maybe this whole post would’ve been altered drastically.

Does he help you out with this in the end? Most certainly not, he leaves your dependent self on the cold floor, deal with this incident yourself. Look where your misplaced actions have gotten you, and now you must face it head on... troublemakers, won’t get the justice they think they have merited.

But even then, those are tamed. The more you get stubborn, the more cruel the bastard gets. The frustration boiling deep within his soul, shall be solved in unethical ways, the pristine tears you shed, caused by riding crops, are much equally a desirable reward as your compliance.

“You aren’t going to say something after to let me know that you understand?” 

You whimpered as the pressure on your stomach increases the farther he pushes down with his pricey shoes. The answer is already perched at the tip of your tongue, but you’re finding it hard to push it right out - feeling the penetrating glare of the ruler’s accompany the stinging pain from your abdomen, and you most certainly sense the piteous stares of the onlookers who are forced to watch this sudden display.

You are just a prime example of what happens when someone disobeys.  

“I’m waiting.”

A snide comment, coming from yours truly.

You have to answer all sorts of inquiries from him within thirty seconds, or another law has been broken. It seems as if you’ve dragged the time way past the minimum, but he’s merciful enough to give you a second chance again. You think you have it worst amongst everyone, think again. You had so many opportunities to mend any faults, but you chose to gamble them away heedlessly - for exemption.

Exemption, oh, the thought of that always makes him crack up.

“Y-Yes...”

See, there’s an obvious improvement in your actions. Well, besides the obvious tremble in your voice as you gathered all the courage in your guts to answer his rhetorical question. 

“A wise choice.”

Riddle’s laughs sound frightening empty. Why have you sighed in relief after his answer, you think you’ve just entered the safe zone... How desperate can you possibly be?

He was never done with you.

Giorno Giovanna ...

❛ A young man still full of endeavors, and a loyal enterprise right under his sole. In the highest of positions since a vulnerable age, fixated with the tenacity of keeping his forbidden name from ever being thrown around and tarnished - carries lots of class embedded within deceptive smiles. Enough solidarity to keep his men in check, and the forbearance of a Saint. He has overflowing pride, and he will do everything in his power to maintain it. ❜

Enlighten him, how could you stare at him with a gaze lacking astonishment? Having someone like you, a no name, not even acknowledge him definitely takes a tole on his confidence. He can’t afford for you to think of him as nothing short of a joke, but rather, a substantial figure that has the ability to cause havoc upon your life by the snap of the fingers. By all means, Giorno is humbly inviting you to test what he is capable of-

Although you don’t all the way, you’re not as naïve to not know that he must have some sort of trick up his sleeve.

To conquer, means to charm - and for you to be truly his, someone who doesn’t even bat an eyelash at him, means to use every means of manipulation. Not enough for you to notice any misconceptions or deviancy, just ... the bare minimum of it if possible. The end goal is for you to at least somewhat like him. Though, getting to know more and more about you by all the reports he gets from sending his men to obtain only interests him even more. Ah, you don’t happen to have a nice background as well, always pushing others away because the family trauma is still integrated deep in you. Taking baby steps with you he will if it earns your loyalty.

Your persistence is justifiable.

Still, Giorno would’ve preferred if you were more compliant in the beginning, but it’s still amusing to take the time on taming you to be the perfect lover. You’re all bark, never bite. Perhaps there’s a tiny part of you that can’t completely dislike said man. You can also understand the respect and love the don receives endlessly, there’s no doubting that he does good deeds for the people.  

He sees the stubborn love in your eyes, you just don’t want to admit defeat so easily.

That’s why he stands confidentially tall with patience when dealing with you.

Giorno, a soft whisper - brushes against the outside of your ear as he awaits for you to bow down, and place a trembling kiss atop the back of his hand to signify your commitment to him. You love him. He’ll remind you as much times as needed, you just don’t fully recognize it yet.

And that is okay, because he has all the time in this world to mold you into the ideal lover.

Jolyne Cujoh ...

❛ Thrown into an abrupt adolescence, no one to personally guide her lost soul - for what is right, for what is wrong. Self-depreciating thoughts concealed in bitterness towards a negligent father. Drowns in an abundant amount of pills to supply counterfeited happiness she desperately so craves. Holding wearying facades, just to let them go behind closed doors. Tears overlooked behind heavy rainfall. And trying to be person she needed when she were younger; she is left despondent, and in need of someone to cling on.❜

Falling into an abyss full of love has always been the least of her worries, but it is a much different experience than her sanity descending further into madness. The moment you stumble into her colorless world is a moment she wishes to play on repeat for hours on end, you waltzing in uninterested in those around you, spreading tons of vibrant hues not even she was aware existed. You’re so much different than those who wind up in her life: you’re considerate unlike most about her comfort, able to tell when something is off with her, and will go out your way to assist her - even when she does not ask of it. You are full of the hope she’s been seeking for these miserable years alone.

She’s in for a roller coaster of emotions,

because now, she is in love.

It is difficult for her to not hide the negative feelings. Even though they are dying to be spilled out like you’d want, she doesn’t want to bring you down with all the lowest points in her life. Feigning happiness, and prioritizing your feelings, never taking her own into account.

This starts out small, you won’t be able to detect any of it until it manifests itself into something much more detrimental to her health. Jolyne’s been dragged into a place where she cannot come into an agreement, and love herself. She’s so far past that, and has pushed all that love onto you - you deserve it the entire universe after all. The devotion from her... is just burdensome, unintentional at that, so it is even harder to do something about it. Physically glued to your side, and throwing huge fits when you leave; smothering you in loads of affection as if she knows you will ditch her if she is not doing so.

There is clearly not much trust in this relationship.

But you know better than to tell her off harshly, because who knows what she will do to herself if she is told to stop. You still care for her amidst all, this is your partner we’re talking about, you accepted her confession willingly. Although this behavior of hers cannot cut it, something has to be done to weaken it.

So what do you do to fix this mess?

You find small excuses to avoid her. Thinking this will eventually solve her attachment issues because you really don’t want to see her like this, completely dependent on someone entirely - it hurts to see that pained look of hers... But the more you push her away, the more she starts to lean back towards her forlorn side, a side she originally thought she’d recently flee from. Weren’t you suppose to save her from herself?

Her love for you cannot break, and so Jolyne must.

Johnny Joestar ...

❛ Did not know what he’s had, until it was lost. Refreshing things sparks a mysterious fire in his eyes, contributes to a burning desire that wouldn’t ever simmer down until it is finally acquired. Always wants, hungrily wants to grasp, but could never offer. The only thing Johnny would voluntarily bid is to provide pain, lots and lots of agony among men. Greed befalls him, who knew causing havoc on one person gives him as much pleasure as taking over the world. ❜

For his entire life, the spotlight’s always been on him in this world. a world where it cannot revolve without him, and he expects everyone to recognize that notion of his no matter how egocentric it may be. Ever since his legs has died out along with his racing dreams, something in him just - snapped. He thought he finally had everything in his grasp, but reality cussed at him and spat onto his face, it’s only fair that he’s allowed to do the very same towards anyone, really. The young man’s been in that position, and he’d like to exchange it with everyone else in his life.

Sharing is caring, they say.

The world took something precious from him, it’s fair he takes something right back.

Where does he direct this vengeful spite of his? Obviously, Johnny cannot place it right onto the earth, that’s not ideal, or even possible for that matter. The one who remains the unfortunate one that receives all the backlash... Well it ought to be someone the total opposite of him: blindingly bright and overwhelming kind, somebody he can never even think of becoming, not once in his life. And as he lays his dulled out icy blue eyes onto the person that fits the exact description, the flame starts to lit up once again. You’ve revived that fire in him, for the worse, for the best... It is your job to find out. But it is clear on what his eyes are set on.

It’s you he wants, and he has lots of things in store for you.

Doesn’t take Johnny much to woo you over, he’s a wonder at using charm, been doing this for most of his life, he claims. Takes lots of confidence, reassurance, and patience to lure victims within his vicinity... then he snatches onto them with an iron grip. It is when he decides to take on his true self because he knows he’s already had you tied up all prettily in your own mind, you’re a slave for his confirmation-

He wants you to start questioning your worth.

How does he go about this? Well, he goes through the trouble of making you feel worthless and envious, bringing an attractive woman to your shared house every once in a while - letting you hear the sounds of their lovemaking through the walls miserably. But you cannot say anything regarding that, doing so will have him asking if you have the right to question what he does,  

And your self-esteems drops considerably.

You’ll always be clutching onto the hems of Johnny’s pants, pleading for him that you’ll do better.

Higashikata Josuke ...

❛ Robbed of memories, nostalgia, and familiar love. Silently longs to be cherished at the tip of people’s soiled tongues. Born with an inescapable sickness for a home which never was. An ambition for someone to await patiently for him at the end of the day, washing his problems away him with open arms - for a second that is. And is trapped in an endless cycle of resentment, discovering things he cannot grasp; he is envious, and he does not like it. ❜

For weeks when you’ve been introduced into his world, he’s seen you possess most things that he does not have access to. A loving, supportive family who looks out for you and makes sure you get home at a certain time to ensure their peace of mind; a good amount of friends who’s kept by your side since the defenseless age of three, able to trust every single one of them without the arising doubts on them; and the will to continue your days without much worries in life. He cannot stress this enough, you don’t even realize how lucky you are to have all those benefits.

And sometimes... he cannot help himself but wonder, would you finally understand his struggles if he were to get rid of everything you had... ?

But, he steers away from such thought, you don’t necessarily deserved such fate to begin with.

Though from weeks on having you by his side, the Josuke now is adamant - confident on not letting you slip out of his reach at all costs. He used to hold his spiteful tongue when having to interact with you, feigning dopey smiles so he doesn’t go and let out a snarky comment on your lifestyle. And now, he is able to glance at you with a gaze full of adoration without the urges of harming you. There, he’s able to make some sort of peace within himself after a few contemplation in his room.

The only thing he can actually get at this point, is well, you.    

So it is only fair that you allow him to obtain you with no problems whatsoever in order to make up for all the absences in his life. Josuke eventually brings up the hard-hitting facts about having no memories from his past, no connection to his family (if there was even one), and really only depending on discovering an obscure fruit to resolve his internal struggles. Finding out who he exactly was, and what he currently was living for - a motivation. This, is he able to convince you to move in with him inside Kira’s apartment - his for the time being. telling the Higashikata family that he simply needs the space so he can focus on personal problems... He doesn’t want to bother them.  

Eventually, after co-ha-biting with him for weeks, months, you don’t fully know because you lost track of everything. He’d easily gotten rid of your devices, and any memories regarding your life outside with the help of Daiya of course - no need to depend on anyone else, not when he’s in your life.

Chiaki was the sun in your life, burning himself permanently into your daily schedule unintentionally, you couldn’t even bare to handle the task of not basking in his presence without feeling uneasy and overly anxious towards strangers. He’d been a huge emotional support buddy throughout your colorless world, pulling you out from the depths of self-doubt and depravity just by the blinding smiles … motivational speeches … overbearing positivity that seeks out justice - it ends up ripping you out of your lethargic state only to throw you into another changing maze. Not only are you extremely insecure, but you rely so much on his comforting touches and guidance - an unavoidable drug - it’s almost seemingly impossible to withdraw yourself and not start bawling out for him.

It feels like someone’s repeatedly stabbing you in the heart with a smile. you cannot breathe, nor function properly if you are not in the presence of him - that is what your brain repeats constantly. Molded solely for the purpose of one person, you’d do anything for him just to stay by his side as silent can be. a useless … sidekick maybe? Fighting crime ... just because you want to impress, enlighten your savior - your hero.

But … this only makes him feel like a true superhero, yours exclusively to be direct ! He indirectly encourages you to depend on him even more if possible, disregarding the lifetime consequences and issues you’ll stumble upon yourself. To rescue you in dire situations; small breakdowns after realizing the third year was no longer suited by your side, Chiaki will gladly sweep you into his arms as he whispers sweet lullabies to soothe all your worries - almost on command do your tears bid away. Anything else that he’s able to fix somewhat, he’d do it all for you in a heartbeat.

He adores you just as much.

I:

And for today, this was the fifth time he’s saved you.

“[Name], you’re okay. Fear not, now that meteor red is here.” Dabbing the tears away with the hem of his shirt, your cries are instantly soothed once the familiar scent of crosses your nose. Inhaling his distinguishable smell as you burrowed your face into the inside of his rouge jacket to hide yourself from everyone else staring at you earlier, mumbling rampantly on how you missed him and how you adore him so desperately - he’d beam brightly.

Taking your cold hands with his own warm ones, giving it a light squeeze for reassurance.

“ ... Please focus on your classes. When it comes to grades, I don’t believe I can really do anything to prevent it besides offering some tutoring … Work hard for your own good - for us, okay? I don’t want to lose you due to something minor like that ever.” He’s stern about this. 

He’s been bugged by many instructors for your negligence on your assignments, and because Chiaki’s words are key - you never had to be told twice when your time with him is at risk.

See? Everything’s been solved.

Your suffocating clinginess doesn’t seem to bother him. The sight of you tugging on the end of his sleeves, glancing up at him with the lost look in your eyes that lingers frequently - so, so cute that he wants to sweep you off your feet another time and coo at you endlessly. He’s equally as grateful for someone like you in his life, though he doesn’t make that fact known as much. Cuddles are greatly appreciated and brightens the mood, you do it almost every time when possible just to see happiness bloom onto his face - urging him over towards the bed so you can get squished to death - hugged by him. You ease your way into his arms, as they find themselves sliding under your waist as he ponders off about stories you could never get tired of. 

Because you are over his dorm much more than his own roommate, you might as well consider living there ... no, you basically are. Just unofficially. 

Teachers will be beyond stressed dealing with you. You wouldn’t participate in any single activity nor subject unless Chiaki is somewhat included or mentioned. Classmates will begin to question if there’s something wrong and your once close peers would be far more distant than the usual stranger. Eventually the school counselor has to get involved in your case, using the idea of attending therapy / support group if possible to cure your once small anxieties ... Which now proliferated at much more extreme levels the more you hung around that certain person. He ... doesn’t seem to take this too well, almost insulted by it. Is it wrong to look up to him so bad? He’s an unhealthy influence, they stated, for you? Now that’s impossible.

Clearly, they’re not so professional as stated. 

He informs you that you are completely fine - stable at his side ... cough, only at his side, so do not take up your counselor’s offer. By all means, this is for the best ! and you listen without bearing any questions, you feel okay ... You are okay. Except that you are not, and are blinded in the false sense of security ... it’s unhealthy - and none of you are aware of that, and possibly will never be.    

Doesn’t take long for you to move into his own place permanently, a good amount of your clothes and items already reside over there anyways so that wasn’t a hassle - plus, your own roommate doesn’t seem to mind your absence. Not like you two were any close to begin with, and now you’re able to spend your dreary free time not mourning over the absence of Chiaki, but staying with the love of your life. 

As he is an idol, he still needs to complete the duties and tasks of being a ryuseitai leader, so Chiaki unfortunately, can’t hang at the dorm or take you out as much as he’d like you to ... You must be bored out of your mind to be stuck in that suffocating room of his - or so he thinks. And he’s half right, some days you didn’t quite mind, chilling as you awaited his arrival by reading the many comic books collecting dust on his shelves or organizing his mess of action figures that usually found themselves strewn across the place. Other days, will your mood unexpectedly hit sink bottom. Time is excruciatingly long when you count the minutes without him, and you can’t seem to help yourself from not wanting to harm yourself.  

You appreciated him so much, you’d hate for him to find out what you’d do to yourself when you’re unstable and alone - nails tearing down your arms, biting the tips of your fingertips, anything that isn’t a ‘huge deal,’ but gets the job done. Can’t have it in obvious spots. 

Then you patch yourself like nothing had ever happen.

Who knows what, he might end up in shambles at the sight of your wounds - and might abandoned you like the rest of them. If he does that, what would you do ... now?

But god forbid you to cling onto anyone else during his short absences. you weren’t typically comfortable talking with any other soul besides him, that is what he’s used to and expects, so if he discovers another figure in your life who also seems to bring you out of your shell makes him feel quite ... betrayed. Who is this person? Why are you comfortable with them basking in your presence all of a sudden, were you being threatened? All these questions swarm his mind ...            

He’d managed to see them as a manipulative villain, someone taking advantage of your vulnerability - no, forcing you and taking you as their own hostage. They must be provoking him, that’s it ...

Why else would you be with someone else?

II:

“... W-Why, you ... I thought you said you were ...” 

True horror reflected off your glossy eyes as you watched your hero snapped - mere sanity, and your friend’s neck hanging aimlessly and out of place. Chiaki, remains with the very same smile he used when he first approached you when you were groveling and tired with an outstretched arm, offering you his fair hand. But, it’s difficult finding the nerve to even spare a glance at him when his fingers earlier found themselves latched around someone’s neck. He did all this in a natural manner where he hadn’t just dropped a body, disregarding your apparent fear as you being traumatized for being ‘kidnapped.’ 

Surely, not because of him.

Anything but.

“[Name] ... I’m so glad you’re safe ! I got rid of that evil, evil villain who kept on bothering you while I was away - so you don’t have to worry anymore ! Come here, my little sidekick.” 

You’re shaking.

“Come here.” 

He doesn’t want to repeat this twice.

You abide, like you have been doing for months now. A small wail leaves your trembling throat as your shaky hand seeks out for his blood-stained ones. You are pulled into a warm embrace - the comfortable safe place you’ve always been aligned to, wrapping your arms around him and letting the sadness and grief finally run down your eyes. It is clear. Chiaki still is the sun of your life, you desperately are in need of him - as he’s a huge staple in your depreciating life, there’s no one out there for you other than him.

He rubs your back comfortingly, attempting to kiss away the salty droplets. 

Disregarding the fact that he was the reason for your tears.