#niltones

Listened to my old band (niltones) demo on the way into work on Saturday... that sentence is the first time I've referred to niltones as a defunct operation.

Anyway in listening to us (to them) I realised that beneath the shallow layer of defeatism and disappointment genuine anger lurked. An acrid bitterness skulked in the corner. Ugly feelings...

It's the sense of wasted effort. The frustrated ambition. The now-imploded hope. How much did I want it. How long did I long for it. These are the woeful calculations which I can't turn away from.

The foolish dream is to live off of music. My songs. Is that dream sunk? Not definitely. Is the entity which was niltones over? Certainly.

And are the prospects for remaking the band and starting again looking good? Not at the moment. Not remotely.

The dumb, unedifying questions cannot be easily dismissed, either. Why should I have to start again? Why did it have to end?

The extremely serious band I'm in, niltones, are featured on this charity album that local sceneheads put together. You can download the music for free via the above link, and donate to this charity for bereaved children via the same. 

Apart from our own self-generated EP, this is the first recorded media of ours that's publicly available. And it's certainly the first time anyone's invited our songs to share a space with other local acts in this way. Exciting!

I was at the album launch tonight, a by turns blistering and shivering affair. (That's blistering live music, and shivering cold outdoors.) I spoke the convener of this project, who told me it was his response to somebody who tried to claim that the Medway music scene is dead. I suppose 61 bands and songs rather is overkilling the rebuttal, though this fecundity represents as good an answer as any.