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Ang pag-ibig ay desisyon na parating may kapalit na sakripisyo, at kung ikaila ng mundo ang silbi ng Pag-ibig dahil lang hindi nito kayang maging sapat, Magpasya ka para sa sarili mo: Pipiliin ko ang Magmahal sa kabila ng lahat, Pipiliin ko ang Pagmamahal sa kabila ng lahat..
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Seeking for the Great Perhaps
Tick tock says the clock. It’s past midnight and all I can hear is the deafening silence. Probably, I must the only one awake at this hour of the day. What bugs me in at this moment? I must be sleeping right now, I must be dreaming about my prince charming right now or perhaps my knight and shining armor. Thoughts keep on rotating around my brain, thoughts I don’t want to give too much attention. It must be really powerful because these thoughts keep me awake and haunt me like a ghost from the past.
Sorry for realizing that my first paragraph is a complete nonsense. But good for you that you had realize! It must be so rude of me not introducing who I am. By the way, my name’s Odyssey and I’m 16. I lived in a City not so big, I don’t even know why it’s called a city. I just want you to know that my thoughts are more tangled that my earphones. I’ve been very busy thinking. And that makes me a zombie every day. That deepens my eyes and creates ugly features they called eye bags. That makes me late for school but early for the second period almost every day of my life. That makes me skip my breakfast because if I did take my meal, I would be probably so early for our school’s recess. Well, I have been to school since I learned how to keep a memory. Years and years of studying, years and years of doing home works which are sometimes ignored by the one who gave it, years and years of creating projects which I don’t even have a slightest idea how related it is to the subject, years and years of pushing myself in the canteen to buy my stomach a recess, years and years of group reports which ends up as a do-it-all group work, years and years of experiencing the scarcity of summer and other holiday vacations, years and years of copying what’s in the blackboard even if sometimes, I don’t understand the sense of what I’m copying, years and years of listening to Algebra/Geometry/Calculus/Statistics discussions which feels like watching a Korean movie without the subtitles.
But it is my last year in High school! Hooray! No more extravagant school activities that churn my mind and empty my wallet. But wait, I don’t really know if I had to celebrate or condemn my happiness. My emotions are as mixed as Ate Inday’s best selling halo-halo. I’m happy that finally I can escape and walk out from High school but at the same time scared, because I don’t know what’s in store for me during my college days.
Despite the negativities in High school, fun is much experienced. I will probably miss High school. I will probably miss how easy it is to lure your teacher just to re-schedule the date of the deadline or perhaps the date of an examination, I will probably miss the colorful and welcoming environment of our school, I will probably miss the feeling of being competitive in every decorate-your-classroom-with-super-bongga-decorations contests, I will probably miss the Buwan ng Wika, Nutrition Month, English Fest, Science Month, Math Olympics and other school activities that somehow cause the delay of our classes. I will probably miss the smiling faces of teachers that I came across the hallway, pathway, subway, and high way. I will probably miss the dilemma of choosing canteens every recess and lunch breaks. Who would ever forget the classroom dramas among classmates and friends that bring epic moments and memories that you will never ever forget? Sure thing, I will probably miss cleaning classrooms and escaping my leader during cleaning time. I will probably miss the bizarre requirements in school, from a kilo of soil to a piece of indigenous material. High school is really fun and hell of an experience.
It’s a sad-happy experience. They say that your high school friends or buddies know you more than your colleagues. Why? Because it is in high school where you discover who you really are. It is in high school where you adapt to so many changes in different aspects of your life. It is in high school where you learn to grow and be mature. It is in high school where you experienced your first heartbreak. It is in high school where you met your true friends.
Now that I’m on the last year of high school, I don’t really know what will happen next. I look forward to it but at the same time scared. Scared to leave my comfort zone, which is High school.
I tried looking at my hands in hopes to discover something more about my future. I looked and looked and asked myself in the end if I was even supposed to know. The lines are clear, they are right there. I could trace them with my own fingers and follow every old and new line, not sure which one I will take or what they even mean. Maybe it is better not to know. What if I had the answer? Would my future change based on knowing what will happen?
It's past 12 and I feel like pouring my thoughts into words. Hey there, How are you right now? I wonder what's your position while producing your usual snores. I never know it's possible to miss someone as horrible as this. I used to get over this. It's not the first time for us not to see each other for a month. But now it's different. It feels like I am sick and seeing you is the only remedy. I never like the feeling of not having you by my side all the time. I never like the feeling of being far away from you. I never like the feeling of jealousy among my friends, seeing them happy as ever with their special someones. I never like the feeling of being alone almost everyday at school. I never like the feeling of not hearing about you for a day or even an hour. You may see me smiling, you may hear me laugh, but the truth is I am struggling almost everyday of my life. I've been struggling for my studies. I've been struggling not to dismay the expectations of my parents. I've been struggling to be on top. I've been struggling to cope up with my friends. I've been struggling to become as Holy and as pure as I am. But all these struggles, become less to worry everytime I hear your voice. The voice of assurance that someone out there is willing to make me better. That someone out there is willing to worry for every bad action I made. That someone out there is also struggling to be with me. I know it's never been easy to pair up with me. I am as complex as a nucleotide chain. But here you are still fighting all his might to be with me. I am weak. But you are there to strengthen me. I am stubborn. But you were there to remind me always of what to do. I am full of pride. But you were there to lower yours in order for things to be better. I am full of demands. But you were there to listen to every complaint I say. I am imperfect. But you were there to tell me that I am always perfect. I am sinful. But you were there to tell me to pray. You always told me that you had learned so many things from me. But the truth is, it is me who had learned a lot of things from you. Hey I don't really know where would this lead me. But I want you to know that I am trully thankful to have you. I never know that during one of my darkest hours, I would see the light that would continue to guide me. You are my candle. As you always told me that I am yours. The thing is, we are each others candle. I will love you with all my heart. Please continue to fight for me as you always do. Fight for me even if my own enemy is myself.
With all the love and the care, Odyssey.
The clock's ticking; I can't control my self not to anticipate what may happen any minute from now. I'm excited for you. I'm excited of what God has planned for your day. I know things are really hard for the both of us right now; It may take ages when we finally break fresh grounds but I want to tell you that I really missed you. The different and unexplainable feeling when I'm with you that even Einstein could never explain. What's in you that I could not resist? It seems like your North and I'm South. No matter where we go, I always find myself coming back to you. You are not perfect but I see your flaws unworthy of leaving you. I maybe scarred right now, my wound may not heal as fast as lightning but one thing is for sure, "Nasaktan ako ng sobra kasi minahal kita ng sobra". I hope you would understand. I am not leaving you. I'm just leaving the "US" that I used to think were perfect. Happy Birthday, Baby. I will always keep a memory of you every single day. Keep safe
It's been years since I've been serving in the community. I've been really blessed to be appointed as a leader with a very little experience back then. I find happiness and comfort in every battle I surpass in my service, I grow in every failure, and I learn to stand in every break downs. Youth For Christ is truly an amazing part of me as a person. It taught me things that I can never learn from my teachers and my parents. It somehow changed my perspective in life. I learned to think less for myself and more for others. I fought in controlling how I react and deal every situation in life. It's been really a blessing to be part of the community. My journey is not always successful. I have so many dreams for my Chapter. I have so many plans. I want to do so many things. Now it's my last year in HS. And I know it's my chance to lead my area, I know it's the time to put my words into actions. But I was wrong. My leaders somehow doubt my service's availability. They think that I must focus more on things like academics, and also my service in school. It's not easy and honestly I am torn. Because being in service is my thing. It hurts when someone deprives you from the things you really wanted to do. In my thoughts, I can do it despite of the busy sched. I am willing to serve. Masakit lang sa feeling na parang antagal ko ng hinintay eto but I end up being disappointed. Ganito talaga sa service minsan kailangan mong masaktan bago matuto. Lord, ikaw na bahala kung anong plano mo sa akin. Basta nandito lang ako, I will never get tired of serving you. I am serving for you Oh Lord and not for my self satisfaction. Bless my province, bless my chapter Oh Lord. Kayo na po bahala sa akin. If this is your kingdom Lord, let your will be done.
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