Itâs been a while, but now itâs SnK fic time!
Shared Sorrow
Nikolo walked mechanically ahead, knowing the route to his destination from the heart by now. The grave yard wasnât devoid of other people, but this time, none of them paid him any mind, fortunately. No wonder there; with most of the older military police officers gone due to the poisoned wine, hardly anyone knew his face. As much as he regretted his past actions, he was grateful for the safety they brought him now. If it wasnât for his sorrowful destination, this peaceful and beautiful day would certainly be a good one.
âWhoâs that?â he wondered as he saw someone sitting at the grave he was heading to, not that he had to wonder for long. That particular deep shade of black combined with that other shade of red would give the person away to anyone who knew her âMikasa?â
The woman turned her head, and Nikolo could see the bags under her tired eyes. Not that he could blame her; he was sure lots of people had had sleepless nights recently due to-
He stopped in his tracks. The rumbling⌠if Mikasa was here, then that meant it must be over, regardless of the outcome.
Nikolo looked around quickly, but while there were other people around, he knew none of them. He saw no Levi Squad, no Commander Hanji, no Onyankopon or Yelena, nor the warriors orâŚ
âŚOr Eren Yeager.
What did all that mean? Why only Mikasa? If they managed to stop the rumbling, surely thereâd be at least some other survivors alongside her. And if not, even if Eren had won, surely at least one or two people along with the younger Ackerman wouldâve escaped, right? Where was everyone else?!
âHello, Nikoloâ the woman said, and then, like she didnât have anything more to say, turned back to face the grave. Nikolo stood there in silence for quite a while, his grip hard on the flowers heâd brought, not sure what to ask, where to start. In the end, he went straight to the point: âWhere are Jean and the others?â
He wanted to ask how was the rest of the world, but that felt too insensitive. Friends first.
âMost likely still in Marley; theyâre trying to clear the air there, I thinkâ
That answered both what he had asked and what he hadnât asked. If air needed to be cleared, that meant there were still people left out there who to clear with it. Theyâd managed to stop the rumbling before it destroyed the whole world. It was happy news and, briefly, Nikolo wondered if any of his family or friends outside the island had survived. He knew he shouldnât get his hopes up, but surely, there was a chance-
âWe lost Commander Hanji, thoughâ Mikasa spoke âShe fought to buy us time to chase after Eren and fell in battle.â
âOhâ unlike Onyankopon, Nikolo had not been close with the woman, in fact she kind of creeped him out, but her passing did hit him âIâm sorry to hear thatâŚâ
He had to ask, just in case.
âWhat about everyone else? Are they alright?â
âEren is deadâ
The words came immediately, just a stone-cold fact. Nikoloâs first reaction was the feeling of relief, but remembering who the information came from, it was followed by the feeling of guilt. He didnât know Mikasa and Eren well, hadnât known Eren well, and wasnât close with them, but he wasnât blind. It had quicky become clear to him just how close to each other the two were.
âIâm sorry to hear thatâ and he was, though he felt far sorrier for Mikasa than Eren himself. He felt sorry for Armin, too, wherever he was, knowing heâd been close with the guy, too. And he felt sorry for Jean; as much as the man complained about Eren, Nikolo wouldâve have to have been a fool to not notice how fond his friend had been of the man.
Mikasa didnât say anything to that, didnât even show any sign that she heard him. Nikolo fiddled with the flowers in his hands, not sure if itâd be proper of him to approach Sashaâs grave now with Mikasa there. Should he come back later?
âDoes it get easier?â
The question is sudden, and it takes a while for Nikolo to realize that itâs directed at him. Heâs about to ask Mikasa what she means, but as his gaze meets hers, sheâs looking at him over her shoulder again, he realizes that, somehow, he understands.
ââŚI donât knowâ he replies honestly. Now, it feels natural to approach to lay down the flowers, so he does just that, crouching down in front of the grave âMaybe it will, eventually. Life keeps going, as will we along with it.â
Or at least, so Nikolo hoped. Mikasa had not lost her will to live along with Eren, had she?
âŚIf she had, she probably wouldnât have come all the way here.
âWhen Trost fell, Armin saw Eren get eaten. We thought he was deadâ Mikasa broke the silence that threatened to fall. Nikolo recalled hearing about this from Sasha before, but he didnât comment on it. He waited to hear what Mikasa had to say âFor a moment, I lost myself for it. I couldnât think straight during battle and gave others trouble. I ran out of gas, fell off the roofs and hit the ground. A titan was approaching, and I was ready to give up. And yetâŚâ
Mikasa quieted down. Patiently, not in a hurry to go anywhere, Nikolo waited for her to continue.
âHad I died there, I wouldnât have been able to relive through the memories of himâ she finally says âHe lives on in my memories. As long as heâs not forgotten, heâs not really gone.â
It was a comforting thought.
âI seeâ Nikolo said âPerhaps that is why people mark graves and visit them.â
âMaybeâ
They stay there for a long time, ignoring the world around them, neither speaking a word. At one point, Nikolo sits down instead of crouching, but aside from that, they donât move. The sun is already setting by the time Nikolo decides to speak up again.
âI should head back; I told the others Iâd visit Sashaâs grave, but itâs getting lateâ
âAre you staying with her family?â
âYeahâ
Itâs not like he had anywhere else to go.
Nor did he have anywhere else where heâd want to be, either.
âWhere will you go now?â
ââŚI hadnât thought about itâ Mikasa confesses âPerhaps Iâll search for Historia and inform her of what has happened.â
That was probably wise; the queen should know the situation. But-
âDo you know where to look?â
Silence. Nikolo takes that as a no.
âItâs getting lateâ he says, standing up âYou must be tired as well. Letâs head to Dauper, and after some rest, we can figure out how youâll find the queen.â
Nikolo held out his hand for Mikasa to take, wondering if he was overstepping a line in telling her what to do, but she seemed just so⌠lost. And he knew a lot about that, about not having any direction in life.
He was surprised when the woman actually did take his hand.
âRightâ Mikasa agreed. Nikolo pulled her up and, wordlessly, they were on their way.
Nikolo couldnât help but wonder what Sasha would have done, what she would have said, to comfort Mikasa. Perhaps itâd take years before he stopped wondering what Sasha wouldâve done in any situation, or perhaps heâd never stop. But then again, maybe that was a part of keeping her memory alive. That, at least, was something he could do.
