#nik rants

i can see my page. but if i go into a different browser/on my phone this happens

this is honestly mogaiphobia and ableism. my amount of genders and pronouns (my hoards) are unable to be seen by the public. you may ask, "Nik! Why do you think they thought you were trolling?" and honestly? I have no idea. Here are my labels:

I'm not quite sure why this amount of labels counts as "trolling" when there are many people who have a lot more labels! I have about 70 pronouns on my page, I can't really show all of them, it would make the post way too long.

Another question someone might have is "Why do you need all of these genders and pronouns?!" Well, it's simple. I'm Autistic (ASD Level 1) and ADHD. That's why my labels are in alphabetic order, it's easier for me to see them. My gender is heavily based upon my neurodivergence. My mirco-labels help me understand my mspec oriented aroace-ism. Maybe It's because of the amount of "counteractive" or "same" labels. I, personally, identify with being a Gay MSpec Transmasc Aroace. My neurodivergence has turned my gender into something very vast.

I use xenogenders to help me understand it. My gender sometimes feels like a void in space, or a rotting log with mushrooms on it, etc. My gender is loud. My gender is evil. My gender is the night, my gender is robotic. There is no reason for me to be "trolling" about this. I am very much connected to all of my labels and pronouns.

If someone reported my page, why? Is it because they actually thought I was trolling? They probably don't know me. So how do they know I'm trolling? Whoever reported me doesn't know my gender any more than an employee of pronouns.page or even myself.

There is no reason to be banning someone for using MOGAI labels, especially when one of them is Autigender. I'm very upset and still processing my emotions about this situation.

If someone knows how to appeal this ban, please let me know.

Tagging MOGAI/LGBTQIA blogs and others for a boost under the cut. Please let me know if you would like to be removed from the list.

Right now, it's understandable to feel helpless, even hopeless. "I am one person, what can I do? What possible difference could I make?"

Today, friends, let yourselves grieve. Be angry, be sad, understand your fear. Then open your email and start writing. Pick the phone, start calling. Get out your signs and sunscreen and take to the streets. Your politicians, your representatives, your government, today remind them of your voice, and let them know your fear.

However it makes sense for you to do it, PROTEST today.

so i recently watched shangchi and i was sooo excited to watch it and see the AMAZING chinese representation since i’m chinese. but i’m also adopted and my parents didn’t take the time to immerse any parts of the chinese culture into my life growing up. so seeing chinese representation for me is less about seeing the culture and more about seeing the face of people who look like me.

i was watching it and talking about it with my friend who is also chinese, except his entire family is chinese and he grew up completely immersed into the culture.

as i was watching i was pointing out the cool things i noticed like the special effects and the creatures and he was giving me little lessons here and there about the cultural backgrounds on some parts of the movie, and i really appreciated that bc i do want to know more abt my culture since i never got to grow up knowing that.

but then he’d would get annoyed when i would say something that was accidentally misinformation.

for example, i’ve tried to learn things abt my culture, but it’s hard when i don’t have a strong reliable source like a family member. and this friend and i aren’t close enough that i can just ask him to immerse me himself. so i try to pick up bits and pieces of knowledge where i can and every once in a while something false gets thrown in.

so when we were talking i accidentally confused one ancient chinese creature with a japanese one and he corrected me.

and i know he wasn’t mad or annoyed with me. he understood. but i was annoyed with myself. and i get so frustrated bc i don’t know these simple things that i feel like i should know about my own heritage.

i know it’s a problem i need to work through internally, but it’s so frustrating bc whenever i talk abt being chinese to talk to other chinese people, i feel nothing. i don’t feel connected like i’m supposed to.

i’ve grown up with other chinese people calling me white washed and i’ll admit that it does hurt my feelings. but it’s true. i don’t know anything about my own culture and it makes me so mad at myself.

and it makes me mad at my parents for not taking the time to immerse me, even if it wasn’t their culture, it was mine. i grew up in an all white family in a predominantly white neighborhood and school.

and now i feel pretty much nothing when i’m with other chinese people. my friend got so much more joy out of seeing the chinese representation in shangchi bc he saw the culture and the faces, while i just saw the faces.