#nightrant

Now isn't that an amazing line to ponder before going to sleep. 

As we’re getting older, we often get these kind of questions “when are you getting married?” or “do you have boyfriend/girlfriend?”. I personally get those Qs a lot. Especially from my grandma or aunts. LOL. But honestly, I never felt stress or annoyed with those Qs. Since I was a kid, I always dreamt of getting married to a Caucasians. So whenever they asked me those Qs, I will jokingly replied something like this “I’m waiting for a Caucasians fell from the sky”. Hehehe... And they were like “Along, please be serious.” Hahaha. When I started working, I didn't have time to go back to my grandma’s house. So they didn't get the chance to ask me those Qs anymore. Luckily for me, my parents are not the type who keep asking me those kind of Qs. Maybe that’s the reason why I don't get annoyed or stress easily whenever people asked me those Qs. That’s why I don't understand those people who easily get stress or annoyed with those Qs and they replied in a sarcastic manners. For me it is very rude of them to be sarcastic to the elders. I think the elders were asking with good intention so why do they have to reply sarcastically? You get what I mean? They even make a joke or parody on internet how they replied to those Qs. What if their grandmas or aunts read or see those kind of joke? I think the best way is just to answer honestly and asking for their prayer/du’a. InshaAllah we will get rewarded and blessed by Allah in any way for not being rude to the elders. 

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So I went looking for more information about non-cruelty  free products, and I was shocked (even though I kinda have predicted it) that mostly known drugstore and high-end products are not cruelty free. Either because they basically jump in to animal-testing practise or because their parent company does it or because they sell it in China. Thanks to the video I think I would stop buying products from Maybelline, NYX and Rimmel from now on and start moving on to the cruelty-free ones. The only thing that bugs me still is that my skincare routine from Kiehl’s, which I still depend on a lot, but the fact that L’oreal is the parent company of Kiehl’s makes me want to puke. You know, L’oreal is a big company that goes for animal-testing and it keeps buying company that used to be cruelty-free like Urban Decay and The Body Shop and then turning them into the not-so-cruelty-free ones. This company is like a puss that transmits its bacteria everywhere possible because it doesn’t want to be alone. Very disgusting. Well, I guess I could only hope that I would find the alternative for my skin care very soon.

It’s only fucking Wednesday and I’ve cried every single damn day this week. About the same fucking thing. Over and over and over again. Sunday I cried to my sister about it. Monday I cried to my school counselors about it. Tuesday I cried myself to sleep about it. And today I cried to my mom about it after picking up fucking Thai food. THAI FOOD, I LOVE THAI FOOD AND THINKING/TALKING ABOUT WHERE THE HELL IM GOING TO COLLEGE RUINED IT AND MADE ME CRY. Type of shit is this. Why is it that the so called “best years of my life” is me just constantly worrying and the future? Everyone is telling me that I'm "lucky to have this problem" what does that even mean??? Im lucky that I'm constantly anxious about where I'm going to actually start my life??? doing what I need for my career??? Where I'm going to discover who I am??? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEANNNNN. Why am I even ranting on here... Goodness.