Jul 5, 2017
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🌙🖤THE NIGHT DESK OPENS
I don’t really know when this started. It doesn’t feel like a beginning so much as a continuation of something I didn’t realize I was already doing.
It’s 4:00am again. Or something close to it. Time feels approximate here, like it’s been softened at the edges.
I’ve been building this space slowly without calling it anything. I think I finally have to call it something now.
So I’m calling it a diary.
Not because it’s neat or organized, but because I keep returning to it.
There are frogs here too. I don’t know why that part is consistent, but it is. Some things don’t need explaining to stay true.
Mostly I think I just needed a place where thoughts don’t have to be finished to exist. Where they can just land and stay as they are.
I used to think I was trying to document things. Now I think I’m just trying to notice them without interrupting too much.
That might be the same thing. I’m not sure yet.
What I do know is that this feels like sitting down at a desk in the middle of the night and realizing it was mine the whole time.
So I’ll keep coming back here.
Not to finish anything.
Just to write it down while it’s still here.
Night Work,
My desk at night.
(via Desk Accent Table Lamp, Rattan Ball LED Nightstand, Creative Bedside Bedroom Night Desk Light with Wooden Base Home Decor)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Boyfriend : explains to me that today he watched two girls cross a sidewalk and one was wearing very tight “leaving nothing for the imagination if ya know what i mean” leggings and the other was wearings “those real skimpy booty shorts” he continues to say that the guy in the car with him caught him staring at them in a sexual way and called him out on it. He explained to his friend they they “chose to put those clothes on that morning” that “they knew what they were doing when they chose those sexy and skimpy clothes” that they are in fact “asking men to look at them because why else would they wear something so tight and revealing” he goes on to say that “he was just OBLIGING their wishes to be looked at and was in fact doing what they intended him to do.”
Me: i sat there in the car as he drove me back to dorm completely sickened by the fact that i am dating this guy and have been dating him for over a year going on two. He shows his misogyny here and there but is the sweetest guy but then he says things to remind me that that is just what i see with my rose tinted glasses on.... I told him that “so what your saying to me is if those girls got raped then its their fault for asking for it because of their clothing choice that morning....that them picking something tight or something you consider to be clothes worn under a skirt or a dress that it is their fault...”
Him: “when you say it like that it sounds worse than it is”
So here i sit typing this whole episode up so it cant be lost to time and so that i will remember that this guy who has a heart of gold is still apologizing for rapists, that women wear things only for the male gaze that in fact gawking at girls and catcalling is obliging their wishes when they put any type of clothing on. So heres to not sleeping tonight until i get in a better mood and not shoot him in his fucking face.Â
Trailer Park Boys
Now i know that if you know anything about Trailer Park Boys its about convicts in Canada who smoke dope and drink all the time and live in a trailer park. However it is also one of the best shows ive seen in a while.
1- main characters are gay-never picked on for being gayÂ
2-it focuses on how important family is in different ways, that if you real family leaves you when your a child in a trailer park that you can make a new family and that you can still have that kind of love in your life it also strengthens blood family relationships and how we all need our family no matter how bad we fuck up.
3-ends in a polyamours lesbian triad.
4- morals are not black and white, sometimes you can break the law and have every motivation to help other people.
5- some people will be out to get you no matter how you forgive them
6- canadian jail is apparently great
7- Never give up on your dreams, and invest your time into something and ask for help if you cant hold the world on your shoulders
8- i cant think of anymore cuz its 5am
Realizing  that a Thirty year old man commented on a photo of me when i was 14 saying how sexy i look in a top hat, should have been the very first warning sign that he was going to be trouble and not took it as a compliment. About two years later i just realize this at 6am