#newromanticsfic

MAGAZINE “MATCH” LONDON OFFICES – 1 MONTH LATER

Silence. Low sound of keyboards and chatter on the background. Taylor is sitting in one of the cubicle desks in main foyer. She has her head leaned on her hand, her face giving away her boredom as she read through one of the articles that were sent to her. She printed it and got up, she went to her Boss’s office, leaving the files on his desk.

“Already done?” he asked

“I’m a quick reader.”

“or a lazy one.”

“I don’t appreciate my work ethic being questioned like that.” She warned, cutting off his jokes before he could go any farther.

“right… thank you, you can go then.”

“Did you consider my request? About champions league?”

“I told you I have more experienced writer’s on that.”

“Did you even read my points?”

Her boss rolled his eyes “Ms. Wilock, why don’t you go back and finish your work instead of telling me how to do mine?”

She wanted to punch him. Knock his head on the desk and walk away with her head held high but instead she just left his office, cursing every curse word on the dictionary. As she sat back on her desk and opened her computer, she saw a post about the PSG game against Montpellier and Kylian’s injury that apparently was gonna keep him out of the game with Bayern. Her mind going back to the last time she saw all of them together.

1 MONTH EARLIER – PARC DE PRINCES

Kylian rushed to find her, he was stopped by Neymar before he could reach the bathroom door, pushed back by him. “Told you not to fuck with her!” he warned. Kylian slapped Neymar’s hand away and tried to move passed him. Ney stood in front of him, unbothered “Leave her alone!”

They’d continue fighting if it wasn’t for Taylor’s father walking by them to get to his daughter. Kylian slipped away from Neymar and followed Charlie. Marquinhos joining them shortly after.

“Taylor, it’s me! Open the door!” Said her dad knocking for her. There was no response.

“What the ‘ell happened?” Verratti came in, raising his hands. The second Kylian saw him, he felt like he lost any patience he was left with. He tried to attack him, jumping forward.

“Toi et ta ami!” he shouted, Marquinhos held him back. Standing between Verratti and Mbappe. The team was falling apart and all because of a vicious woman that wanted to make a name for herself in the cost of others.

“You’re blaming this on Verratti?” yelled Neymar, ready to grab Kylian by the arm but getting dragged away last minute by Messi. “He’s not the one that said those things about her on a microphone!”

“I didn’t know I was being recorded!” he defended himself.

Taylor’s father kept knocking, still no response, while the boys behind him were fighting like animals but he didn’t care about them, he didn’t care about whose fault it was, he just wanted to make sure that his daughter would be ok. The door opened just a tiny bit and he got inside, shutting it again. Kylian was gonna walk in as well if it wasn’t for Neymar standing in front of it. “Don’t you fucking dare!” The door flew open again, her father coming out worried.

“Get one of the medics here, Now!” he shouted and Leo with Marquinhos were the first to ran down the hallway and search for help. Mbappe snuck in the bathroom and saw her on the floor, her back on the wall, half conscious, rapid breathing, her hand on her chest. She had been showing signs of getting worse for a while now, he never thought it’d be this bad. Neymar held her up with the help of her father and Kylian felt so helpless, so useless in that moment. He was pushed by the medics who came in and took control with moving her while they gave her an oxygen mask to help her breathing. That gave her some sort of peace. He trailed behind the medics while they moved her to calmer room, to let her lay in there. He watched them moving calmly around her, one of them injecting her with something while her dad gave them her full medical history from the back of his head. He made a few steps, he wanted to find the one that caused this. He went to exit the room and Messi blocked him.

“I know what you are thinking and it’s not happening.”

“I just wanna talk to her.”

“She’s with Galtier. He’s handling it.”

“He doesn’t care about taylor.” Said Kylian, waving his head “He’ll just fire her when Ann tells him everything.”

“What’s everything?”

Kylian didn’t answer but his eyes betrayed him. Everything about his posture was betraying him. Messi held back any judgement, there was just pity in his eyes while he looked at Kylian with his hands on his hips. “go home.” He told him. “She’ll be ok and the journalist will be handled— Kylian! You do anything else and this will only get worse for her. Go home.”

“I’ll take him.” Said Neymar. The two other men looked at him kinda worried “I’m not gonna drive the car on a wall, don’t worry.”

Kylian looked behind Neymar, Charlie was coming out of the small room with one of the medics, looking calm. Neymar turned around and walked over to Charlie “Is she good?”

“Yes. She’s fine, it was just an episode.” Charlie met Kylian’s eyes, it was easy for him to point out the guilt in them. Kylian gathered up his courage and walked up to him.

“I’m sorry for the part I might have had in this—”

Charlie raised his hand “Don’t, son. This wasn’t you. Her disease is something we both had to live with, like you, I blamed myself a lot. But it’s no ones fault.” He paused “Walk with me.” He motioned his head and Kylian followed. For the first few steps they said nothing, then— “It’s a tricky thing, our condition. It makes everything a little harder. Things that come easy to most of the people, like breathing, it’s something we struggle with most times.” They stopped in front of a window, the moon watching over them. “She had to sacrifice way more than I did, I think sacrificing became a way of living for her.” He looked up and down at Kylian “I’m not dumb. I know more than she thinks about you two.” Kylian looked down. “I can also see in your eyes that you didn’t mean to hurt her today.” Kylian rubbed his face.

“I don’t even remember talking to that woman.”

“My worst fear is that when I am gone, Taylor will sacrifice everything again. Cause sacrificing it’s all she’s ever known. And I need to be sure before I do, that she’ll have something that will stop her from doing so. Anything that she can count on, the same way she is counting on me.” Kylian could already feel the weight of what her father was asking him “if you wanna make it better, make sure that doesn’t happen.”

Kylian let his words linger in his head. He thought about it while Neymar was driving him home. The silence was loud between the two.

“I should have spoken to Galtier.” He suddenly said “see what he knows. Prevent him from making any rush decisions.” Neymar gripped on the steering wheel. “What happened is on me. If he doesn’t know about me and her there’s no reason to fire her—”

“He knows Kylian!” Kylian looked up at Neymar. Neymar puffed his cheekbones “I spoke with Marquinhos. Ann told him everything. All her theories at least. She’s running with it…” he shook his head “Taylor shouldn’t have to go through this. They’ll eat her alive.”

Kylian wanted to knock his head in the window, instead he settled for hitting his knee repeatedly. While he was trying to recall anytime that they might have been seen together, anytime they held on each other for too long when they were cameras around, every time he teased her, brought her to her limit.

“HEY!KY! STOP!”

“MERDE!” He yelled and punched the door with his fist.

“Galtier is trying to control it”

“he’s going to control it by firing her—I promised her this wouldn’t happen!”

Neymar stopped the car outside of Kylian’s garage. A moment ago he would be yelling at him but he could see how much he was regretting his actions and how guilty he felt for Taylor. Perhaps, he thought, he really cared about his friend. “Go to sleep. We can fix this in the morning.”

Kylian nodded and left his car. He went up to his house, sitting on his bed, the bed she used to spent her nights in for a week before he blew everything up. He closed his eyes, covering them with his hands and let his mind wonder to the few memories he had with her. During half time, just a few hours ago the team was in the locker rooms, messed up because of how the game was going. She walked to the middle. Her eyes meeting his, because they had this secret understanding with each other.

“we’re a team” she said, her voice low but confident “from the ball boys, to you, to all the assistants, me, Galtier, we are a team. We lose and mourn together, win and celebrate together and defeats are softened and victories sweetened because we did them together.” She was looking at him when she said the last few words, he smiled. “so go out there and be a team and whatever happens we will deal with it together.”

Together. He wanted to hug her when she said that, it’s like his body and soul needed the contact and it killed him that he couldn’t do it. He settled for a short squeeze of hands and went back out there to play, clueless of the chaos that would follow just a while after. She doesn’t deserve it, he thought.

He got up quickly and went at his desk on the living room, throwing his documents left and right searching for something. He looked under the desk too but couldn’t find it. One thing was for sure, he wouldn’t stop until he did.

TAYLOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT

“come on, lay down.” Charlie helped her sit on the bed and ran on the kitchen to get an extra glass of water for her. She drank it all, mostly because she knew her father wouldn’t really give her a choice about it. Then she laid down, closing her eyes. “you need rest.”

“I need to know what the public knowns.”

“Nothing about you and Kylian yet, other than that you hate each other. What are you doing—put the phone down.” He took the phone from her and left it back on the nightstand.

“I want to talk to Galtier!”

“Tomorrow! You need to sleep!

“Did Marquinhos call?”

“Taylor!”

She kept her mouth shut, biting her lip, her eyes reflecting all of the sorrow she was feeling “did he call?”

Her father took the glass from her hand and laid her on the bed, dragging the blankets from under her and covering with them so she would warm. He tucked her in, lifting the blanket up to her chin so no part of her would be exposed. Taylor kept looking at him, waiting for him to give answer. “sleep, you’ll talk to everyone in the morning.”

But the night would only grow longer and the morning didn’t seem to be coming any time soon for either of the two and the grew more impatient, waiting for the sun to come up. Kylian was the first to leave his apartment. It was barely morning, the sky was still purple, the Paris streets were empty and as he drove, he kept thinking if he was doing the right thing. Then all of a sudden he was outside of Galtier’s mansion. He knocked on the door, a repeated loud knock until one of the maids opened up and he rushed inside, searching for his coach. Galtier came out of his kitchen confused.

“What are you doing here?”

“You shouldn’t fire her!”

Galtier sighed, his face proving just how tired he was already from this situation.

“Listen to me! I didn’t mean what I said—I was angry!” he searched in his pocket.

“Kylian! It’s not about what you said—” Galtier stopped talking when Kylian slapped a napkin on his hand. He looked at it, examined it, trying to understand what it was. He could make up some of the names on it, a shape that looked like a football pitch. The handwriting was Taylor’s.

“She did an entire game strategy on napkin. Just two days after she got here. A freaking napkin. And we won! You really going to waste this talent because I was an asshole?” Galtier looked up at him. Pity in his eyes. He motioned for Kylian to come inside the kitchen, he told him to seat while he poured a cup of coffee for each of them. He left the napkin on the table, along with the cup and sat down next to him. Kylian’s confidence was gone, he was back to being a guilty boy, his eyes turned away from anyone that could read them to find out just how broken he was.

“How much of it is true?” asked Galtier. Kylian focused on the smoke from the warm coffee in front of him. He didn’t want to admit to anything that might have been too much, what if it was a trick question. That was a good enough answer for Galtier. “She doesn’t have any pictures. If she did the story would be out already. You’re lucky. But you’re not safe. She’s not safe from the press or the internet.” All Kylian wanted to do was drop his face on the burning coffee. “Ann has in her hands what could be a career changing story, you think she’s going to let it go out of the good of her heart?” Galtier drank a little from his coffee, left the cup back down.

“So what’s the plan?”

“The plan is to let me handle it, so both the team and Taylor come out of it unharmed.”

“What about her job?”

Galtier paused, looked in Kylian’s eyes “that’s not my decision. And before you go rushing to the president’s house… it’s not his decision either. If you know what I mean…”

KYLIAN’S HOUSE – 1 MONTH LATER

“Fuck!” he groaned as he sat up from his couch. It had been a while since the injury but it still hurt when he moved abruptly. He walked over to his door and opened it, to find Neymar and Messi on the other side. Neymar was holding a bag with food and Messi had a box with beers. They walked in before Kylian invited them too, they were already in some deep conversation, speaking in Spanish. Kylian watched them walking to the couch, a bit confused as to why they were here in the first place. The two of them sat on the couch, making themselves comfortable. Neymar even took of his shoes so he could lay his legs on the table and Leo sat cross-legged on the pillows. Kylian approached them slowly, narrowing his eyes, he crossed his arms, standing over them, waiting for them to notice him and pause their conversation. Suddenly Neymar turned to him, looking a little annoyed to Kylian’s surprise.

“You can stand there the whole night? Sit down man, eat!” Neymar opened the bag and took out a couple of wrapped tacos. He placed them on Kylian’s table, who, again, watched while his two teammates started eating over his couch.

“Gosh, these are good! Kylian you should try them—”

“What are you doing here?” he snapped, waving his hands in the air.

Neymar looked at him with a full bite in his mouth, his expression resembling one of a kid’s that was being reprehended by his mum while eating. Leo stuffed his mouth with the rest of the taco and wiped the sausage from his lips. Then he opened one of the beers “Beer?” he asked and held it for him. Kylian was still confused by accepted the beer anyway. He sat on one of the chairs and Leo gave a beer to Neymar as well.

“How’s your leg?” asked Leo.

Kylian was still drinking so he shrugged his shoulders as a response.

“What did the doctor say about Bayern?” questioned Neymar.

“They don’t know yet!” he admitted and stared at the floor.

“Are you flying to the Event tomorrow?”

“Yes, why?”

Leo and Neymar gave each other a knowing look, Ney leaned forward and took a paper magazine out of the bag, throwing it on the table. The sound made Kylian look up, his eyes falling on the magazine and reading the headline. Something about Champions League. He gazed at Neymar “what’s that?”

“Read it!” prompted Leo. Kylian stretched out his body to get the magazine and opened it to start reading, multiple columns about multiple teams.

“What am I supposed to be reading?”

“Page 12.”

Kylian flipped the pages, stopping on page 12 and started reading. It was an interview of a footballer’s wife that he had never even heard of.” He was wondering why he was wasting his time reading it until he reached the end and saw her name on the bottom. He raised his head at his teammates, half confused and half angry.

“There is no way she wrote this.”

“Bet she’s not proud of it, but she did.” Answered Leo.

“She hated these stuff!”

“She still does, she just doesn’t have a choice.”

Neymar cleared his throat as if he was making a shot at Kylian, but the latter ignored it “They have someone like her, writing this shit?”

“We had someone like her and didn’t use her pretty well either so I’m not sure we should be judging.” Mumbled Neymar. Kylian threw the magazine at him.

“Still don’t understand why you are here. I tried to convince her to stay. She’s barely answering my texts now. What am I supposed to do?”

“Tell us the whole truth finally! Why did she leave if the story about you two never broke out?”

Kylian thought about it, his mind going back to the last time he saw her. The shot that he lost.

PSG CAMPUS – GALTIER’S OFFICE – 1 MONTH EARLIER

Taylor felt weird walking down these hallways. She felt like she was going to be ambushed by journalist or worst Kylian before she had the chance to reach Galtier’s office but thankfully she made it there without a scar. Knocking on the door and entering slowly. Sitting in her spot, looking as awkward as she had on the first day she got here.

Galtier examined her like he was expecting her to go first but she didn’t even know where to start.

“How are you?” he asked.

“Good.”

“What did the doctor’s say?”

“To take it more easy.”

“doesn’t sound like you.”

She snorted “yeah, it’s not.”

He smiled, leaned forward on his desk “I don’t know if you’ve spoken with Kylian—” she shook her head negatively immediately, Galtier nodded “in any case, there are rumors and please don’t try to refuse them, that’s not why you are here.” She lowered her head. She was a grown up, an adult, pretending this wasn’t her fault would be childish. “As you understand, stay or leave, there need to be some differences around here. And you need to prepare yourself for the worst”

“I already have.” She whispered, her eyes finally meeting Galtier’s, then in one breath she said the brutal truth before he could “I can’t stay.” Galtier was taken aback by her decision, he was scared by how easily and quickly she made it. She must have noticed the terror in his eyes because she was quick to continue “it’s a conscious decision. I pride myself for being fair, I have to be fair with myself as much as I am with the others. What happened…” her voice trailed off, breaking because she could see him in her mind, smiling, holding her, caring for her “it was wrong.” But why did it feel so right? Why did apologizing for it felt like lying? She cleared her throat and continued “I’d love to say that I can pretend it never happened, but I won’t be able to…”

“Ms. Wilock—”

“I don’t think I belong in this world anymore. I don’t think I can keep my mouth shut when I see the things that are happening and writing…” she smiled “I miss it.”

“Looks to me like you are running away.”

“maybe.” She mumbled, staring at her fingers, scratching her nails. “But we both know the backlash, if Ann runs with the story, is going to be insufferable. I’m never going to be respected, always under the shadow of a man, Kylian and…” she paused “you. All me success will go to you, meanwhile I’ll have to deal with every sexist comment on the dictionary. And normally I wouldn’t mind, I’m tough but… half of it will be true and it’s killing me. It’s killing me that I gave them exactly what they wanted.”

Galtier listened to everything she was saying, carefully, he almost understood her. It’s only that if he had an opportunity like hers, to make the amount of money that she was making here but perhaps that was the difference between the two. So he let her go as quickly as she came. She exited his office, head held high but eyes burning with the need to cry and her body asking to fall apart. There was something about making rush decisions like that, like pulling off a band aid to open wound, doctors always said that was the right way, right? In any case she was used to do doing it like that, losing a career from one day to another, losing people she loved because she was unable to love them, because she was scared.

“I wouldn’t know…I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. Don’t think I’d even recognize the feeling if I did.” Her fingers slipped into his, he held them, stroking them gently and looking down at her as they sat cross-legged on his floor, then he smiled.

“Not even Mason?”

She snorted, slapping his hand “even that was a teenage crush. Nothing more. I’m telling you, it has never happened to me, I’m not built that way.” She shrugged her shoulders “maybe it’s because I know first hand everything has an expiration date. It’s hard to be as romantic when you’ve felt that.”

He interlocked his fingers with her as they sat cross-legged on his floor, candles keeping the atmosphere calm for both of them “it’s a messy feeling” he said in a low tone “one day it drives you mad. The other it’s peace.” He smiled, gazing over her hands, so tiny and yet able to keep him still for as long as they wanted “It gets you angry, impatient, miserable and at the same time calm, proud, loved.” He brought her fingers up to his lips, leaving light kisses on them “La petite mort” he whispered in her hands. She enjoyed the feeling of his warm breath washing over her skin. It’s the first time she didn’t mind him speaking French, like language barrier between the two was broken.

“What does that mean?” she asked, waiting for him to look her in the eyes.

He continued massaging her hands, a smile coming up to his lips, a teasing smile. “Small death. Its an expression. The French use it to describe the brief loss or weakening of consciousness” he looked in her eyes, with that dirty look combined with care “otherwise known as the feeling of post orgasm as likened to death, for us French people.” Even his words had an affect on her, the way that he said them, how easily he spoke about it. She slid closer to him, blushing and smiling.

“Is that what love is to you?”

“I think it’s fair to say it weakens your consciousness. Has you dying and awakening repeatedly.”

“How did you say it?” she bit on her bottom lip.

He pushed her hair behind her ear, his finger enjoying the contact with her skin, the energy that vibrated between them and he leaned in, his lips barely touching hers “la petite mort” he said, his bottom lip hooking on her upper and dragging her closer to him until all her strengths crumbled and she dropped herself in him to chase her small death for the night.

And she wished she could chase it again but all she was chasing now was the exit, leaving the campus before he could see her, before she could lay her eyes on him because she worried that if she did all she’d chase would be him and a life made of sugar.

Kylian was training when Neymar ran to tell him that Taylor was upstairs, meeting with Galtier. Considering that all his texts went answered from the night before he ran upstairs. There was feeling of Déjà vu. Just one month ago he was running up to her and Galtier to yell, to tell her how much he hated her boss and now he was running to stop her because he couldn’t stand to the thought that he’d be the reason of her losing something she loved so much for the second time. When he got to Galtier’s office it was empty. His assistant was the bearer of bad news, Taylor had already left and she wouldn’t be coming back.

“Where are you going? We have three hours left!” Yelled Neymar but Kylian didn’t respond. Suddenly he heard a tougher voice, cold and brutal.

“Seven!” He stopped on his tracks, Galtier was standing in front of him. “I don’t suppose you are going anywhere else but training” he said, but it was more of an order “this fiasco ends here. If you wanna be anywhere else, you get there when you are done with your schedule. This is not high school football.”

Kylian gulped but he knew if she was here, she’d tell him the same thing. So, he obeyed and he continued with his training until the sun was down. While on the locker room, Verratti approached him hesitantly, sitting next to him while he was tying his shoes. He gave him a card, he took it, examining it. The name of Annette Monet, along with her details.

“You can give it to taylor if she wants to talk to her. Tell her I’m sorry if you see her.”

Kylian threw the card on his bag. “Why would I see her?”

“You were much closer than I was with her.”

“What did Annette tell you?”

“She hasn’t told me anything. It was me that did most of the talking but I didn’t think…”

“I told you not to get a journalist involved Marco!”

“She was a friend.”

“Obviously not.” He tied the knot on his shoe tighter and got up.

How did he find himself in her apartment? Knocking on her door to be let in? He’s been asking himself the same question ever since that night. One minute he was driving and the other he was standing in front of Charlie, same look in his eyes as the day before. Charlie was smoking a cigarette, he made note of it because he thought it was weird for him to be smoking in his condition. Then he heard Taylor walking closer to the door “I told you to lit that thing off! For crying out loud dad—” she stopped in her steps when she saw Kylian. She was holding cash in her hand, probably expecting the delivery man instead. They looked at each other, silent, until her father took the initiative to invite Kylian in and excused himself seconds later, leaving them alone.

Kylian looked around the room, her suitcases on the floor, a pile of clothes on the desk. Her room looked as messy as ever but it was a different kind of messy, it didn’t feel as warm as he remembered it to.

“What are you doing?” he asked almost disappointed.

She didn’t reply, instead she gazed away from him. Looking at some sort of comfort in her walls, considering digging a hole so she could sneak out of this situation quicker. He made a step forward, confident. “Why?” he asked and it made have been one word but it mirrored a thousand questions that she didn’t have a clear answer to.

“There’s no use talking about it Kylian, what’s done is done.”

“We can stop her from putting out the article—”

”no we can’t and what’s worse is that we can’t stop ourselves! We can delay her, we can put a pause to this, we can pretend we are not driving towards a cliff but eventually we’ll pay the price.”

“Even if it breaks, I can protect you. I’ll take the heat--”

“no you won’t!” she mumbled, closing her eyes and rubbing her forehead.

“Merde—you think I’d let you alone in this--?”

“I have no doubt that you’ll do your best not to Kylian but you’re a man. No one’s gonna care about you fucking the new assistant. If anything, you’ll be praised for it! Me? I’ll always be the slut, my abilities will always be compared to this, poisoned by this. They don’t even know about this so far and your interview already has them hating on me—”

“That interview was illegal!”

“Does it really matter what it was?” She topped his voice. Kylian held back from answering. Maybe because he knew it didn’t make any difference. He really had said those things about her, what’s worse is that he really believed them when he said them. “Honestly between you and me, I don’t know if you ever trusted me as a coach at all! Don’t—” she raised her hand to stop him “you don’t have to say anything. It doesn’t matter, just please understand, that this is for the best.”

“You’re letting go of your dream for a stupid rumor—”

“where’s the fucking dream Kylian? Because this shit feels like a nightmare since day one. Me, trying to be someone I’m not. Chasing a vision, I had when I was a kid and realizing it comes with things I could never stand behind. I value respecting myself and choices more than the zeros on the paycheck.”

“What about me, then?” he asked, his voice firmer. “What about Ney? The rest of them? Is that what all of this was to you? Zeros on a paycheck?”

“Obviously not—”

“Then why are you acting like you’re just leaving a job?”

“So, I won’t break apart!” she yelled, her voice breaking, trembling. She hid her face immediately after she said it. Covering her eyes. “You think this easy? Cause it’s not.” She whispered in her palms and waited to hear the door opening and closing but instead she felt him coming closer, she felt his hands on her shoulders. His head leaning closer.

“This is my fault—”

“Its not about that!” she said, looking up. Having him this close was making her stomach ache. “We are both adults. All of this has been a series of choices that I made for myself. My choice when I gave in to you knowing there’d be consequences, my choice to keep it a secret, not putting an end to it and this… this is my choice too. I’m not letting anyone else make it for me, not Ann, not Galtier, not the world and not you. It’s just me facing the music--” she held his face in her hands, her thumb stroking his eyebrow “and I don’t blame you for it either. I knew what I was doing.” She leaned closer, her eyes began to stink “I wanted it. In a way, this is me protecting it.”

“It’s the wrong choice.”

“Maybe.” It came out so soft “But at least it’s mine.” She smiled and a second later she dived in his hold while he held her against his chest, his face hidden in her hair. Her face was molded on his shoulders, sinking in his perfume, his skin, his everything. He squeezed her in his arms, making a memory of what it felt like to have her there. “Do me a favor.” Her voice came out muffled from his shoulders.

“What?”

“Take a look at your leg before it’s too late.”

He laughed, his body vibrating. She tilted her head and kissed his cheek, her lips lingering on his cheekbone, he moved slowly, his head turning so he’d be kissing her lips instead. A slow kiss, their lips hooking on each other’s and dragging each other out until he molded his completely in hers.

“I’ll stop the article.” He whispered

“How?”

“I’ll find a way.” He said and he was confident. She kissed his cheek again and pulled away because any longer and they wouldn’t be able to control themselves.

TAYLORS’S HOUSE / LONDON – 1 MONTH LATER

Taylor threw her bags on the couch and walked over to the kitchen, getting a beer from the fridge. She started drinking when she heard tiny steps coming down the stairway, she walked back in the living room to meet her sister, who rushed to her arms.

“Hey little one!” she laughed, accepting the hug. “Ready for bed?”

“Can you convince mama to watch a little TV?” she pouted

“Hmm, I don’t think so. I think it’s time to sleep.”

“That’s right, thank you Taylor!” said Beth as she came down the stairs. Taylor smiled when she saw her and knelt down in front of Lily, stroking her long black curls.

“How about you run upstairs and I read you a bedtime story?”

“Will it be about football?”

She laughed “I was thinking the little mermaid.”

Lily nodded with a smile and ran up the stairs. Taylor turned to Beth, the smile fading from her face. “How’s dad?”

“Same as yesterday but he still got that fucking cigarette in his hand.”

Taylor went to find her father. He was in his office, a cigarette in one hand and a pen in the other, he was writing, always writing she thought as she approached him. He lit it off when he saw her by pressing it on the ashtray and he smiled at her, opening his mouth to speak but it was interrupted by coughing.

“She’s right for being mad at you, you know?”

“I know.” He sighed “but it’s only the second one, I promise.”

She noticed he had his inhaler laid on the table, next to the papers. He got up “Is lily in bed?”

“Yes.” She said but she was still looking at the inhaler. Terrifying how much a person could be depended on material things after all. “Did you speak with the doctor?” she crossed her arms to her chest, biting her cheek.

“Same old. Same old.” He stroked his daughter’s face. “Let’s not talk about it.” He kissed her temple and walked away. That’s when her phone began to buzz in her pocket, she took it out, looking at the caller id, comfort washing over her as she the name and picked it up.

“How’s my terrifyingly tall best friend doing?”

His laugh echoed on her ear. “I’m good. Missed ya. Are you coming tomorrow?” She puffed her cheeks, having completely forgotten about the invitation. “I’ll take that as a yes because you don’t really have a choice.”

“Jude, it’s not the best of time and I’m exhausted.”

“Oh, come on. Don’t make me call Trish and have her dragging you at the party—”

“You wouldn’t, you’re terrified of her.”

“That’s not true.” He said but his tone was betraying him. Taylor laughed. “Doesn’t matter, as long as you come. Maze will be here, Saka, Rashford—I heard beckham might make an appearance!”

“Now you’re just straight up lying!”

“Maybe but it’s what I’ll tell Trish and you know she’ll do anything in her power for you to come if she hears Beckham will be there.”

“You play dirty!”

“I play smart, love.”

She snorted. Looking behind her at Beth and her father leading Lily to her bedroom. “Will any other teams be there?” she heard him chuckling from the other side of the phone “Don’t be a smug!”

“it’s a party TJ! I don’t have the full list. Just come, have a drink. I wanna introduce you to a few people. Please for me. Do it for breaking my heart as a kid. It’s your last chance to see me before I head back to Germany”

“Fine. Ok. But I’m leaving early.”

“Sounds good to me darling.”

Some days he’d catch himself thinking about her, he’d hear a whistle and turn around expecting her to be there, moving her finger at him. He’d have a bad game and expect her to turn up in the locker room, yelling and making her sarcastic comments. Her exit was noticed by everyone, for most on the field but for Kylian, he’d feel it at home too. His lonely, big and cold home with the million-dollar view and the lifeless interior. He tried to replace her by flirting, going out, focusing on getting better and for a short time he thought he made it. During games he wouldn’t think about her so much, he’d play like he used to, her perfume fading from her memory until he felt the pain in his thigh midgame. It was brutal. He had to sit down, cursing himself while the medics gathered around him. He could hear her so clearly on his mind, the “I told you so” slipping from her lips.

And now while he was laying on his bed, reading her name on a magazine, thinking about the talent that was being wasted, he wished she was there, so he could tell her to run. Instead, she was stuck back in her own life, in her family home, tucking in her sister, working in an office in the morning and seeing her dad slowly fading. Different hallways, different lives. She laid on her couch, tv on, lights dim and she was writing on her computer, an article about Champions League and the teams that would be playing against each other next week. One of them of course was PSG and then she had to write his name and suddenly her fingers froze on the keyboard and she looked at it. Names, she thought, they have so much power over people.

NATIONAL EURO TEAMS EVENT – NIGHT

“This dress is too fucking tight” said taylor, dragging it so it wouldn’t lift too high.

“No…” mumbled Trish “that’s just you.”

Taylor smacked her as the two of them walked in the after party and Trish would have reacted if she wasn’t scanning the place for all the hot footballers she could get laid with. So many familiar faces and yet there was one missing “do you see beckham anywhere?”

“Jesus Trish, he is not coming. Bellingham lied to you—”

“No, he didn’t. I know when he lies, he knows I know, I can smell it on him and he’s too intimidated to lie.”

Taylor looked at her friend with worry, wondered how she always got her way with men so easily. Suddenly she felt someone coming and throwing his arm around her, and she would have jump if she didn’t recognize the cologne. She turned her head up, a smile Jude Bellingham pulling her closer to him.

“Jude, I can’t breathe—”

“Ah! I’m so happy you came!”

“Where is he Jude?” Asked Trish, interrupting their sweet moment. Jude looked up at her, smirking.

“Brought your bulldog with you, I see!” he smiled. “He’s not here yet.”

Trish walked closer to him, perhaps too close and Taylor watched them. She could feel the energy between the two, something between hate, fear and love, it was such a familiar sensation. “If he doesn’t show up, I’m gonna blame you and you are going to find that unpleasant.” She poked his chest and backed away, turning around--

“I’ve got to tell you something, you’re kinda hot when you’re like this.”

She flipped her hair, gave him a smirk “I’m always like this.”

Taylor couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw Jude checking Trish out as she walked away, specifically focused on her curves, biting his tongue. “EW!” She exclaimed before she could stop herself. Jude returned his attention to her smiling and interlocked his arms with hers, “Come on, I need you to meet people.”

“What people?”

She wished she hadn’t asked because she heard so many names that night, her mind overloading with information. Until she reached the main target for the night. Sarina Wiegman, head coach of the national team of England. Jude took the initiative to introduce them while taylor was struggling to keep her cool. It was midway that she realized Jude was basically promoting her like she was a multitasking phone. She barely got the chance to speak while Jude was making a list of her entire career, sometimes exaggerating. Sarina seemed to be enjoying it, eager to know about her time in France, working with Coach Galtier.

“We are recruiting new people to follow us in Australia for the world cup. I’ll certainly keep you in mind young lady.” She said with a smile, before excusing herself. Taylor looked at Bellingham, with her mouth wide open. Jude was laughing at her reaction, feeling proud of his childhood friend.

“Did she really just say that?”

“Yeah, I think she did—”

Taylor had thrown herself on him before he could finish the sentence and he picked her up, spinning her around while they both laughed. When he let her down, she continued jumping out of excitement, only stopping when her eyes caught a sight of very familiar eyes, eyes that she hadn’t seen in years.

“Well, if it isn’t the first girl that left me on read!” He joked, a glass of champagne in one hand while the other was held out for her to shake.

“Mace…” she said in a sweet whisper, full of adoration and as soon as she gave him her hand, he pulled her in a hug. It was like she was on a time machine, surrounded by her childhood friends, before it all went to shit, a future full of possibilities. She pulled back to look at his face, smiling.

“Thank god you got rid of the bangs.”

He let out a belly laugh while Jude came round him and settled his arm around his neck “that’s what I keep telling him.”

“God this is so weird.” She mumbled “watching you two together when you both belong in different parts of my life.”

“Judy has told me all about you breaking his heart for Carbonara.”

“Carbonara is always worth it—wait a minute, did you just say Judy?”

Bellingham rolled his eyes “swear to god man—” Mason winked and squeezed Jude’s side as a joke. Jude jumped, stepping away from him immediately. “Stop doing that.” He whined. Taylor laughed at his reaction.

“You two fighting again?” Rushford stood behind Taylor, giving her a quick look before smiling “And in front of the lady?”

Taylor smiled when she saw him, putting her hand out immediately “I’m Taylor. It’s very nice to meet you, Marcus.”

“Oh? I think I just met your friend.” He shook her hand.

“Oh gosh is she drunk already?”

“I think she was looking for David beckham so possibly yes.” Taylor hid her face in her hands, groaning. “She’s with Saka now, though.”

“What’s she doing with him?” Jude asked, stepping forward and walking in between the crowd to get to Saka, Rushford followed behind them. Mason put his arm around Taylor and they started following behind the other two.

“So, is this like a European gathering for teams?”

“It’s supposed to be an unofficial celebration for the beginning of EURO 2024” He explained, talking in her ear so she’d hear better.

“Don’t tell me Ronaldo is coming.” She laughed

“Yeah, he’ll be here, right after Beckham.”

Taylor let out a loud laughter, elbowing her ex boyfriend. She looked forward, trying to find the rest of the group that had left them behind when she saw his silhouette in between all the others.

Expensive Dior suit. Golden watch on his wrist, same hand that he was holding his drink. She didn’t mean to but she held Mason’s hand, maybe because she needed to hold something in order not to run to him.

“Kylian.” She whispered and their eyes met in the darkness, the invisible string between the two, pulling them closer again.

Did he think about going to find her the minute he landed in London? Of course, he did and he probably would if it wasn’t for his management rushing him to get changed and got to event. He didn’t wanna be there, he wasn’t in the mood. His leg still hurt and most of these people, he didn’t even like but he had to pretend to be all happy and giggling. He tried to stay with his teammates from France for most of the night but people kept interrupting. He had his hand on his pocket for most of the night, ready to call her, see how she was doing. While he was in deep conversation with Giroud when he caught a glimpse of Mason Mount. He followed him with his eyes until he saw him stopping behind someone that looked like Bellingham. He tried seeing who was behind Jude but whoever it was, was short. Then his heart dropped, a woman’s figure that took him only 5 seconds to process was Taylor, being pulled into Mason’s arms. His froze right where he was, he watched, his eyes examining her every movement while she spoke with the two men she knew from childhood. Men that knew her better than he ever would probably.

“Kylian, are you ok?” Asked Giroud. Kylian looked at him quickly, nodding.

“Yes, I’ll be back right away.”

He excused himself, pushing the crowd so he’d get closer to her. Stopped when he was a few steps away from her and he saw her gripping on Mason’s arm, while her eyes locked with his.

Mason broke the ice by greeting Kylian like they were long lost friends, he even tried to make conversation with him but if you asked either Taylor or Kylian what he was saying, neither of them would be able to answer. They were to occupied listening to each other’s thoughts.

“Hey Mase. Why don’t you find Jude, I’ll come find you in five.”

Mason nodded and walked past Kylian, putting him in the shoulder as he left. Taylor then stepped closer to Kylian, motioned with her head and signaled him to follow her outside. He swallowed his entire drink in one ago and he followed.

Maybe if it wasn’t for Kylian she would have noticed her phone was out of battery again. Maybe if it wasn’t for Kylian she would have left earlier or Trish would find her quicker. Maybe she’d know that Beth was calling her repeatedly.

She’d keep forgetting about him as she spent the night writing away all her anxieties, it was his sleepy sighs from time to time that reminded her of his existence. It was the sun rising that alerted her of how long she had spent in front of her computer screen, writing endless paragraphs about her time in PSG for the last month.

7 goals. The team had scored seven goals on last night’s match and Kylian was responsible for 5 of them. Her neck still hurt from all the yelling, the screams of joy that she’d let out on the pitch, earning stares for most people there and even Galtier himself. Every time that Kylian scored she’d jump a little higher. What she was most happy off was watching Neymar and Kylian working so well together. When Neymar scored Kylian jumped on his arms and everything in her wanted to join the celebration, hug them the same way they were hugging each other.

Kylian was beaming, smiling ear to ear and she wanted to kiss that smile and make it bigger. The win was big and everyone went out to celebrate later. Late night drinks in a private bar. Where the celebrations went as far as her employment too. They boys cheering for the underdog of a woman that had almost taken her place in a men’s kingdom. Shots around a circled table, loud music, loud laughs and hypnotizing lights made up most of the night.

“At least you won’t make a fool of us publicly anymore.” Said Verratti, drinking his beer. He was sitting next to her, arm settling behind her. She smiled weakly.

Kylian was quick to catch the nostalgia in her eyes. He had grown to known this woman a lot more in the last couple of days. Maybe it was because he had memorized every curve and line in her body or the midnight talks that had them both revealing things they otherwise wouldn’t. So he knew that she was caught between two options this whole time, taking the job and place in a men’s kingdom or creating her own with her articles. Keep on doing what she was doing for every team she wanted to, just like she used to. Nostalgia washed away as she drank down her entire bottle and moments later she was on the dancefloor with Neymar, like brother and sister, Little kids, dancing in the silliest ways in front of everyone else. Her laugh would echo in combination with the loud beats, her feet unstoppable as ney would spin her round and round, taking full control of her body. And he could see it in her face, the way her eyes smiled, her cheeks getting red by the embarrassment and the heat and he was jealous that he wouldn’t dance with her like that. But her eyes caught his and she slowed down.

It's like she felt vulnerable whenever he looked at her like that. His eyes dripped of passion, a passion that she was scared to translate and no matter the people and distance between them, she could feel it. It ached in her chest. Moments later and he excused himself, saying he had to go home but his eyes told her different. She stayed a little longer so people wouldn’t notice and left half an hour after he did. She was not surprised when she saw his car outside of her apartment building, if anything she was happy. An odd feeling considering the situation but they snuck in her apartment. Their figures visible for any midnight walker that passed by her house from her windows. And that’s all they’d be to them Just two figures. Just shapes dancing. No names. No faces.

She turned to him as they reached her bed and he picked her up, only to throw her in the mattress and lay over her. Their bodies were used to this silent dance for a week now, used to each other’s touch so much so that they were becoming dependent to it. She put her legs around his waist, using her strength and the fact he did not except it to get on top, their bodies turning on the sheets. He laughed in shock, smiling when he saw her over him. Her lips curved in a grin.

“5 fucking goals…” she whispered

He laughed, tucked her hair behind her ear. Looking in between her lips and her eyes. “was it 5? I didn’t notice”

“don’t be a smug.” She pushed his shoulder.

His hand gripped on the back of her neck, pulling her down so he’d taste her lips, his tongue begging for entrance, that she wouldn’t give. She pulled away, grinning. “what are you doing?”

“wanna give you a proper celebration.” She leaned down and kissed his neck, sucking on his skin, then continued lower and lower and lower—

“bon sang!” [holy hell]

He cried, coming out a little more needy then he expected it and he felt her laughing. He shook his head, knowing damn well that eventually this woman would be the death of him but let her take control in away that she hadn’t before.

Taylor watched him drift off to sleep, his exhaustion from his great performance on the match and on her finally taking him whole. She couldn’t help but smile at the sight, how sweet he looked on her pillows. Luna had taken her place in the space between, closer to Kylian, using him for his warmth. Taylor thought she could get used to this picture but what really troubled her mind was the game. She wanted to write about it more than anything and she did.

She got up, sitting on her messy desk and started writing. It was supposed to be just a short description of the things she had seen while being in Paris for a month but soon turned to a full analysis for the team. She started writing about them, the same way she used to before she met them. Started pointing out the flaws and weaknesses and it happened so naturally, until she finished off with the good words about the night’s game.

Suddenly she had 10 pages worth of an article, saved in her computer. Her eyes hurt because of the blue light, her head was a mess too but there was this satisfaction on her chest, this calmness and then this need to show it to somebody. But not just anybody.

She looked at the watch on her desk, it was almost 7am and Kylian had to wake up in half an hour anyway so she didn’t think he’d mind an early start. She sat up from her chair, crawling on the bed and marveling at the sight under her. He was sleeping on his chest, face pressed against the pillows while his hands had snuck under them. His back was only half covered by the sheets. She could see the marks she had left him with, a smile creeping on her lips. She rolled her bottom lip under her teeth as she got closer, straddling with him with her knees while he was clueless and asleep.

She leaned down, firstly kissing his ear “time to wake up little Lotte” she hummed. He shifted under her. She kissed his neck next, continued by making a trail down his back, all the way down his spine, taking her time as she followed sue followed the Valley on his back.

“5 minutes more” he mumbled on the pillows, eyes still closed. She chuckled at his sleepiness and twisted her head so she’d have access to the corner of his lips, leaving a kiss there too.

“you have practice.”

“says who?” he whined

“your coach.” She pinched the side of his stomach, smiling and he twisted his hand and slapped her ass a second later, making her gasp and laugh. She held his hand down and buried her face on his neck, taking a big bite that made him jump. He tried to get her off him, but she tied around him like a belt. When he calmed down, she kissed his cheek “get up, I want you to read something before you leave.” She said on his neck.

“what if we don’t go to campus at all?”

She snorted “I’m not coming today anyway.”

He moved under her. She raised her head and let him turn his body under hers, now laying with his back down and looking at her. She bend forward, kissing him, because she couldn’t resist and then raised her body again.

“why?” he asked.

Half wanting know, the other half remembering having her on this position last night and the unholy things that followed.

“I have to pick my father up from the airport and then I have lunch with Galtier and the big boss.” She placed her hands on his chest, stroking it gently. Her palm stretching out to the shape of his body.

“Al-Khelaïfi?”

“mhm…” she nodded, her eyes now focused on his abs as she passed her hands through them. He reached for her hip, squishing it lightly.

“worried much?”

“no.” That was a lie. She smiled to cover it. He pretended he believed it. She went to break away from him, but his gripped on her thighs wanting this picture to last longer before his day was to begin. She laughed, placing her hand over his. “Come on—please I want to show you something.” His hand travelled up to her back, nudging her so she’d bent over him. She lowered her body, just enough to leave a kiss on his lips and he slipped his tongue in her the first chance he got so she wouldn’t pull away. He almost succeeded but she bit his lip and escape while he hissed at the sudden bite. She returned with her computer, laying next to him and placing it on her lap so they’d both be able to look at the screen. Kylian was quick to throw his arm around her belly, pulling her close against his chest and leaving kisses on her shoulder.

“here” She opened the document, Kylian raised his eyes in curiosity and narrowed them again when he saw the length of the article.

“You wrote this last night?”

“Yeah…” she was beaming.

“Sleep?”

“not much.”

“Thought so.”

She passed the computer over to him and prompted him to start reading. His expressions would change every other minute. Sometimes annoyed. Sometimes confused. Sometimes troubled. Taylor would mess with his hair while he read, her fingers the only thing keeping him from losing it completely, reminding him that deep down he liked this woman and when he was over, he turned to her.

“You’re not posting this are you?” She frowned “I mean it’s not the wisest thing to post an article in which you are dragging a team through the mud before you meet the owner and expect to get the job—”

“I told Galtier I wouldn’t stop writing even if I got the job!”

“Galtier is not the boss. And it’s been a long time since then, we all kind of assumed that you were done with this!”

“What I do when I’m out off the pitch doesn’t concern him—”

“it does when it affects the team—"

The air had started to thicken around them. Both of them bringing their walls up for different reasons.

"You mean when it affects you?" she shot back. She took the computer away from him and shut it off getting up and leaving it on her desk. Kylian bit his tongue, letting a deep sigh of annoyance. He laid his head back looking at the ceiling. She walked to her bathroom.

"We can't keep meeting while my dad is here!" she said from the other room. Kylian wanted to laugh, a bitter laugh. He always admired her for how quickly she could change her personalities, one minute she was chill and the other she was back to being cold as snow. She came back out, picking her hair up while she spoke “I think it's for the best."

He pouted his lips. nodding. Anything he would have said to her in the moment would backfire on him so he kept his mouth shut no matter how much he was struggling. He threw the sheets away from his body and got up, searching around the room for his clothes. putting on his pants first. Then he realized that she was still wearing his shirt. She was standing in front of her closet. searching for clothes. he stood behind her, hand on his hips. He could swear that she was delaying it, only to get in his nerves.

"Just pick a flicking shirt.” He said in a whisper. It wasn't about the shirt. Taylor reached for one of her sweaters and moved away from him, she took off his shirt while walking in the bathroom. closing the door before he could get a glimpse of her body. That was another low blow for him. something he knew she did on purpose.

She came back out folly dressed, throwing the shirt at him and avoiding being any closer to him than she had to. There was tension. ice cold tension by both of them. She sat on her desk. opening her computer again like she had a purpose but she was just scrolling through a sport websites.

"if that article gets you in trouble—" he said while putting on his shoes "don't say I didn't warn you!"

She laughed "don't worry, I won't be saying anything."

He watched at her back, while he sat on the edge of the bed. Hand on his knees, biting the inner side of his lip repeatedly. He wanted to say more, but his lips tasted poison even to him and he knew he'd regret throwing it at her so early in the morning. He got up. wearing his jacket and his hat, picking his bag and hanging it on his shoulders. "I'm gonna go!".

She didn't say anything. Didn't even move. It was driving him insane. He scoffed and turned towards the door, opening it—

"I've sent today's schedule to Galtier, you're training with Leo on the pitch—" She stopped, when he shut the door with a bang. jumped a little on her seat but didn't want to look at him, she didn't even know if he was still there or if he left until he spoke again.

“That's what you're going with?" he asked angrily. She kept staring at her computer screen.

“Thought you'd like to know—"

"Oh for fuck's shake taylor! You basically just said it's best to end this and you weren't even looking at me--"

"Some choices are easier than others!" it came out so brutal, so blunt, he thought he mint have heard wrong. She regretted saying it the minute she tasted the bitterness in her tongue but there was nothing she could do to take it back and no time to apologize because he was already out of the door, shutting it harder than he had before.

She lowered her head at the sound, massaging her temple and letting out heavy and broken breaths while her legs tapped on the floor uncontrollably because of her nerves.

“You basically just said it’s best to end this without even looking at me—”

What was ‘this’? since when was there a ‘this’?

PSG TRAINING CAMPUS – OUTSIDE AREA

Kylian missed multiple passes by Messi. During training, he was elsewhere and most of the coaches would yell at him, none of them did it the way taylor did. None of them whistled in his ear and it kept feeling like something was missing. He tried to take his anger out on the ball, especially during the simulation game to which he was paired up with Messi. He was aggressive during the game, his only focus was the ball until he pulled a little too hard on his hamstring and he fell on the ground, slapping his hand on the grass while groaned at the sudden pain.

Marquinhos came and knelt in front of him in seconds while the medics surrounded him, trying to check the injury. He waved them all away. “I’m fine!” he said.

“Let them check!” Ordered Marquinhos. Kylian shook his head and got up, dusting off the grass. The pain remained, not enough to make him worry but as he continued playing, his performance started to slow down. Leo noticed it and asked for a substitution a few moments later to which Kylian tried to protest, but he didn’t really care. He moved away from the pitch and towards the benches, taking off his shirt and slapping it on the empty seats. He sat down and one of the medics approached him, giving him a cream, he could use to help with the pain on his thigh.

He took it, mumbling a small ‘thank you’ and started rubbing his skin. Suddenly a glimpse of her appeared in his mind, so brief. While he rubbed on his skin with his fingers, he thought of how they were nothing like hers. Her small, cold fingers that were wise enough to know every inch his body by now, that made him forget who he was at times, that she had lost in his hair this morning before they fought.

“Mr. Mbappe?”

He looked up, a tall woman standing in front of him, elegant, a notepad on her hand.

“What is it?” he asked, leaving the cream next to him and pulling down his shorts.

“I’m a journalist. Been writing a piece on the team—”

“Get in line” he mumbled, untying his shoe laces, paying little to no attention to woman next to him, who took the initiative and sat on the bench.

“I’ve been following the team ever since Ms. Wilock’s arrival, most popularly known as JW, isn’t she?” Kylian didn’t answer. He took off his shoe “Do you think her transfer has had a positive effect on the team?”

“No!” he said bluntly. Not realizing the gravity of his answer or who he was trusting with it. He got up, taking his stuff with him. The woman got up as well and before he left, she called his name.

“Kylian!”

He turned around and looked at her impatient.

“Considering the things she has said about you and the team on her website, has working with her been any easy for you? Creating a personal relationship?”

“Wait till you read her next article and let me know what you think!”

With that he left, ignorant to the fires that he had ignited.

TAYLOR’S HOUSE – DAY

“let me help!” she said and grabbed her father’s, Charlie’s, small suitcase while the walked up the stairs to her small apartment. She could see that he was struggling. She unlocked the door, inviting him in with a smile. Her father scoffed when he saw the mess around her bed, the clothes and documents on the floor.

“Some things never change, do they?” he asked.

Taylor rolled her eyes and picked up her shirts, on by one, creating a pile in her arms and dropping them on the laundry basket. “its been a tough couple of days.”

“Excuses never change either.” He bend down and picked some of the documents and left them on the bed. Taylor smiled at his comment. She stood and looked at him, throwing herself in his arms and taking in the smell of home, the familiar sense of love and protection that she had never known anyone else and she wondered what one earth she could ever replace it if he ever left her. He rubbed her back, kissing the top of her head.

“Missed you.” She mumbled.

He walked backwards on the bed, seating on the edge of the bed with her when he felt something moving under him and he jumped up. Little Luna uncovered herself from under the blankets, rushing down from the bed. Charlie held on his heart, breathing heavily. “Who is that little demon?”

Taylor picked Luna up, holding her close to her chest and petting her behind her head. Smiling “She’s little Luna.”

Charlie’s eyes softened. He walked closer to them, tapping Luna’s nose. “And here I was hoping it was a man making a mess in your room.”

Taylor’s mouth fell open and she slapped her father’s shoulder playfully. She let down Luna and watched her run under the bed. “Cats are nice. Men suck.” She said and walked over to her kitchen, starting the kettle and picking out two mugs, leaving them on the counter. “Plus men need an awful more time, that I don’t have.”

Charlie leaned against the wall on the small kitchen, watching closely at his daughter “is there any specific man that’s been taking your time?”

“Dad—oh my god! You’ve been here for less than an hour!”

“You know I love a little nice gossip!” he teased.

“There’s no gossip!” she mumbled and threw a bag of tea on each cup.

“Trish says otherwise.” She looked up, her eyes wide in shock. Her dad kept his teasing smile, taylor on the other hand was completely speechless. “Water’s ready!” he added but she still didn’t move so he took the kettle and poured the water on the cups himself. Taylor made a step back, watching him. He held up one of the cups for her and motioned for her to follow him back on the bed. She did, seating down next to him, although everything felt numb. He took a sip from his tea, his eyes remaining on her while she stared at the floor. “Wanna talk about it?”

She took a moment before shaking her head, her thumb stroking the edge of her cup.

“That bad, ha?” he whispered and threw his arm around her, to pull her closer “in your own time princess.” He coughed at the end of the sentence, a cough that made him pull away. It was loud and rough. She narrowed her eyes, while she watched him gathering himself. Suddenly Kylian was the last thing on her mind, because that sound scarred her brain.

“You ok pa?” she asked, her voice coming out fragile.

He nodded, taking a few breaths and sitting back next to her. He forced a smile on his lips and she wanted to ask the same thing he asked her “that bad, ha?” but she didn’t. She was too scared to, so instead she nuzzled close to him and pretended they were back in London, in her pastel-orange painted bedroom, surrounded by her dolls and homework that she really didn’t want to do.

PSG TRAINING CAMPUS / LOCKER ROOMS – DAY

Kylian had just changed to his normal clothes, sitting on one of the benches while he scrolled on twitter for no apparent reason. He found the tweet that he had sent her before he met her “get a life”. Such a childlike response, he thought to himself. And now that he was part of her life, he knew that she’d keep doing this no matter what, why the hell did it stunk so much to him?

“Ola!” Messi walked in, holding his sweaty shirt on his hand, Kylian gave him a quick look and returned his gaze on the phone “how’s your leg?”

“I told you it was nothing.” He murmured and got up, picking up his bag.

Leo watched, tilting his head to the side. “Is everything alright?”

“Bad day.” He said.

“I Thought it’s been a good week. Good win yesterday too.”

“Yeah, well yesterday was good. Today was bad. I don’t know maybe it’s the weather.”

“Or someone missing.” Kylian froze. He felt a sudden fear in his chest. Messi noticed it, the way his hair on his arms went up or how his expression fell. “Hakimi, I mean. He’s on vacation, you’re here, alone. I get the same when Neymar is away.”

“Right.” Kylian nodded. “That’s just it.” He answered quickly, trying to avoid the conversation any farther. He moved passed him—

“Wilock knows what she’s doing.”

“What does Taylor have to do with this?”

“I know you don’t wanna be paired up with me but I’m not the enemy Kylian and I’m sorry you feel like I am.”

Kylian closed his eyes, he blew air from his nose and turned back at Leo. “I don’t think you are the enemy. I never did.” He stepped closer “It’s not about you.” He stopped himself, biting on his tongue, so he wouldn’t admit to something that he would regret later.

“What is it then?” There was something honest about the way Leo looked at him, something trustworthy and no judgement. Something that was encouraging him to give an actual answer. Messi made a step forward, placed his hand on his shoulder giving it a light squeeze “if not me, say it to somebody, before you go crazy.”

“Fear it’s too late”

RESTAURANT – DAY

Taylor walked in slow. She felt so out of place in expensive restaurants like that one. Like everyone was looking at her and judging her outfits or the way she walked or the way she breathed.

“Ms. Wilock!” Nasser Al-Khelaïfi got up from the table to greet her, a wide smile on his face “bonjour, comment ca-va?” he asked, shaking her hand. Taylor was sweating at the thought of replying in French but she did it anyway with a smile on her face.

“Tres-bien, et vous?”

“tres bien, thres bien. It is very nice to finally meet you.”

“pleasure is all mine, Sir.”

“Come on, sit.” Nasser sat down and motioned for her to do the same. Galtier who was sitting next to him, gave her a smile of support. She never thought she’d see the day that Galtier would be the safest person in the room for her but here she was. “we’ve already ordered for you, hope that is ok” she hated it. It was her biggest pet peeve but she smiled again and nodded.

The dinner flowed calmly. A few laughs now and then, awkward jokes that made her wanna hide under the table. Sexist comments were not avoided and they were piling up, part of her wondering why she wasn’t calling them off right away.

“What do you think we are doing wrong then?” he suddenly asked and Taylor wanted to list all the reasons one by one but the first that came to mind was the waste of talent.

“You have three of the most expensive players in the world and you do not know how to use them. It's basically like having three of the fastest cars and not knowing how to drive them.”

Nasser was taken aback by her quick reply and her metaphor. She shrunk on her chair, maybe she had overstepped. “We are trying to make use of all three of them.”

“You keep trying that and they’ll keep crashing on each other.”

“What do you suggest then? Keep the nice cars in the garage just for show?”

“I mean you rich people are known for doing that--” she mumbled. Regretting it the second after. It seemed her tongue was overly bitter today to everyone. Nasser grinned; it was the kind of grin you give to someone that has annoyed but you also find their efforts amusing. She leaned forward, explaining. “Messi is not a defender. He’s never been one, and yet you continue placing him on the right with Neymar and Mbappé on the left.” She used three pieces of bread, one for each of the magnificent players and placed them on the table cloth, pointing at them. “Messi is too occupied trying to defend himself to score any goals, your right side of the field is undefended and Neymar and Mbappé are struggling to find balance. However—” she took one of the pieces and placed it on the middle a little more forward than the other two. “Mbappe is lethal when he’s occupying the left flank. Messi is unstoppable when he’s central. If you build this connection between them, assisting each other, then you’ll know how to drive the cars.”

“That leaves Neymar out of equation, though, doesn’t it?” She gulped, looking at the pieces of bread she had left there. One of them seemed to be the odd one out. “Let me ask you this Ms. Wilock, would you consider letting go of one of your expensive cars, no matter how good it was, if that way the other two could work better?”

“No!” she looked up at him, her eyes remaining cold. She couldn’t bear giving any other answer “Neymar can adapt on the right. Point is—if you keep trying to drive all three cars on the same direction at the same time, you’re bound to fail.”

“Fail? That’s a heavy word, don’t you think?”

“I think it’s the truth.”

“I like that you are honest. But are you as bold to stand by what you say? Because your answer tells me otherwise.” He leaned forward, his posture as confident as ever “say you have to sell one of the three, which one would you choose?” she didn’t answer. How could see? One was her childhood hero, the other was her closest friend in Paris and the third… she couldn’t find the words to describe what he was. Yet, the answer was staring her in the face, hanging from her lips, but she didn’t have the courage to say it. Give her a computer and she would have written it down. Nasser smiled again, she was tired of seeing that smirk “me, personally I wouldn’t sell any of them. But I’m a businessman, im not a coach. As long as the three of them keep giving me what I need, they can crash into each other all they want.”

“And that’s why you’ll keep losing, game after game.” She snapped.

“Very blunt.”

“It’s a gift and a curse.”

“Saw it in your articles as well.” He said, looked at Galtier, who had been enjoying the show so far, amused. “Coach Galtier, showed them to me. Your approach is very interesting. I should be happy you are on my side. But keep in mind that it is, my side.”

It sounded like a threat to her. She wondered if he talked like that to Galtier and any other man on his team or if he was just saving it for her. The dinner ended shortly after and Taylor got into a cab home, replaying the entire conversation in her head. She felt cold, even though she was wrapped in her warm coat and scarf. She finally knew where the true scar of psg was, and it had nothing to do with the boys, it was the management. The poison ran deep, the lack of love, the sacrifices to making headlines instead of making history. She ran her hands through her face, lowering her head and closing her eyes in despair. Her hand began to tremble as her heart started feel heavier, her breathing shorter. She searched in her bag for her inhaler, breathing in the air and forcing herself to calm down.

She collected herself before she reached her apartment, pretending like she was alright, despite the ache in her chest. Her father was watching a reality show in television, when he turned to look at her, a bowl of popcorn on his hands.

“How did it go?” he asked and got up, to walk over to her. Taylor smiled, taking off her coat and her scarf, leaving them on the chair.

“I don’t know. It was weird.” She sat on the bed, letting out a sigh and puffing her cheeks. “It’s been so long I forgot that sports aren’t just sports anymore. It’s business and… money.” She dropped back on the mattress “makes me wonder what I’m sacrificing everything for.”

Charlie sat behind her, watching his daughter carefully. He stroked her temple, his hands brushing her hair. “Define everything.” He prompted, following by one of his loud coughs again and she raised her eyes, looking at him through her eyelashes.

“Dad are you ok?”

He kissed her temple “Better than ok whenever I see the independent, beautiful woman you’ve grown up to be. The sister you’ll be to little Lily. Makes me proud of myself, knowing that some of it came from me.”

She sat up, facing him “everything came from you, pa.”

“No” he smiled “I just gave you the shoes. Tied your shoelaces. You learned how to run by yourself.”

She hid herself in him, hoping he could stay forever.

Her mind stayed awake through the night, while her dad snored away on his side of the bed. She’d look at her phone, now and then, like she was waiting for something. She’d go to the text chain she had with Kylian, tapping at the side of the phone while she looked at their last messages. She kind of wanted to text him, speak to him, yell at him about Nasser and Galtier. But she closed the phone, slipped it under the pillow and closed her eyes, forcing herself to sleep for the next few hours she had left.

PSG TRAINING CAMPUS – OUTSIDE AREA

“And This is the pitch.” Taylor said, smiling widely at her father. Charlie took off his sunglasses, taking in the sight of his daughter’s kingdom, memories circling in his mind from when she was kid, running in similar looking places.

“Bloody hell.” He did a spin around himself, taking in how big it was. Taylor felt pride by his reaction. Suddenly she felt a heavy body, leaning on her. She turned around and met Neymar, giving him a quick hug before introducing him to her father.

“Very nice to meet you son!” said her dad, taking Neymar’s hand.

The rest of them gathered around slowly, shaking her father’s hand like he was an old-time friend. It was sudden when she saw, Kylian’s hand holding her dad’s. She’d recognize these hands anywhere. She looked up at him, her smile fading away out of instinct.

“Mr. Wilock, welcome to Paris!”

“Thank you, Thank you! I’m a huge fan!”

“Really?” he smirked, his eyes searching for Taylor’s but she was looking away, scratching on her neck awkwardly. “She’s never mentioned it.”

“Your work on the French team was tremendous. Wish you were a little kinder with us during the cup.”

Kylian laughed, shaking his head. “I was a bit too excited during that match.”

“That’s alright lad.” He smiled “Wouldn’t except anything else by a talented man like you.”

“Alright!” she jumped in, stepping in between them so they’d let go hands. She waved her hand “Break is over. Back to practice everyone! Now!” she clapped her hands and signaled for one of the other coaches to come and take care of them. They all left but Kylian was last, taking a moment to take a good look at her, their gazes interlocking for a short few seconds, before running back to his team.

“Seems like a good kid after all.” Mumbled her father, raising his eyebrow at her.

“You only met him for five seconds.”

“I’m great at character reading.”

“No, you’re just British and you think you are in a Shakespeare play all the time.” She put her whistle in between her lips and blew it just for shake of it. Her father shut his ears.

“There’s a reason I kept those away from you when you were a kid.”

“Well, now using them is basically my job.” She smirked and followed to where the rest of the team was.

Charlie left a few hours after the start of training. He went to exit alone, walking passed the long hallways, when he saw Kylian walking on the opposite direction, coming out of the kitchen.

“Leaving so soon?” he asked him.

“I don’t have my daughter’s strength anymore.” He smiled.

Kylian nodded “she’s tough, isn’t she?”

“Ah, I suspect you already know the answer to that.” He searched in his eyes, Kylian felt like he was being examined. “I hear you’ve been giving her a hard time.”

Kylian scratched the back of his neck, letting out an awkward scoff. “She hasn’t been easy with me either.”

“I bet.” He said “she’s never easy with the people she admires. And she never wastes time on people she doesn’t.” Kylian looked up at that, he wanted to ask more, get to know the woman from someone else’s eyes. But he didn’t have the time because just a second later, Taylor appeared from the distance. Looking at him dangerously as she approached her father.

“Taxi’s outside, Pa.” she said, ignoring Kylian’s existence. “Want me to walk you?”

“No darling, it’s alright.” He kissed her cheek “I’ll see you later.”

With that he left and the two of them stood alone in the hall. When he was out of the door, taylor smacked Kylian in the arm, he backed away quickly, groaning.

“What were you saying to him?”

“AOUCH!” He yelled, rubbing his arm I didn’t say anything!”

“I don’t believe you!”

“I don’t care!”

She went to hit him again but backed up quickly. Closing her hand on a fist and stepping away.

“Was waiting for your article last night.”

She snorted “Don’t worry when I post it, I’ll make sure you won’t miss it.”

“I’ll send you new job applications afterwards.”

“Chivalry is not dead, ha?”

“Is it so hard to get it through your thick head that maybe I am just trying to protect you—”

“Oh please—you’re only trying to protect yourself! That’s what you always do! You and your fucking pride! Why don’t you go kick a penalty or something?” He twisted his tongue in his mouth, when all he wanted was pin her against a wall. Kiss away all the bitterness she had for him. Drink all the poison if he had to. “And for the love of God! I’m not a damsel in distress, I know how to take care of myself around men like you, way before I came here!”

“You’re in over your head--”

“Well, if I am, it is none of your business! Now what the hell is wrong with your leg?”

“I—” He stopped, narrowing his eyes, processing her question “what?”

“You’ve been limping!”

He blinked a few times, his mouth opening and closing in lack of words “Wha—what does that—how do you jump from one thing to another like that?”

“Because that’s more important! We have a game tomorrow!”

“My leg is fine!”

She grabbed his hand and pulled back in the cafeteria; it was empty at this time. She made him sit down and knelt in front of him, she pressed on his thigh, different parts of it, waiting for a reaction. When she pressed on the spot that hurt most, he held her fingers to stop her. Taylor looked up at him, cocked her head. “Fine, you said?”

“It’s just cramps!”

“Does Galtier know about this?”

“Galtier doesn’t know about a lot of things lately, we should make a list, send everything to him— AOUCH!” She pressed harder on his bruise and he held her hand again “Stop doing that!”

“You’re an ass for saying that!” He didn’t answer. Deep down he knew it was a low blow, similar to the bitterness she had stunk him with a day ago. “Amazing how you keep reminding me of my biggest mistake ever since I came here—”

“Whoa—alright! Good to know!”

“Bite me!” she turned around to leave. He groaned, regretting the words that slipped out of his mouth, getting up and reaching for her arm before she left the door.

“I’m sorry—”

“So am I!” She yelled.

“HEY!” Yelled Neymar, running up to them “what the hell are you guys doing?” he asked “Here? Really?” The two off them broke away from each other, avoiding Neymar’s judgy look. Taylor crossed her arms. “Are you crazy? Both of you?” he pointed at his head, looking at them in disbelief. Taylor let out a grunt and walked away, without saying anything. Neymar followed her, sprinting behind her until they were outside again, he walked in front of her, stopping her.

“Neymar—"

“Shut up!” he topped her voice, motioning with his hands for her to calm down. “I don’t care about what has happened. I don’t wanna know. But you keep going like this and you’ll make it to a headline. I know what that’s like and trust me when I tell you, you don’t want it for yourself!”

“I don’t know what I want.” She snapped. Silence followed, thick and cruel silence. Neymar watched her, the misery in her eyes, the fear.

“What happened with the meeting yesterday because this is not just about Kylian, is it?”

Her gaze drifted away from him, she looked at some of the guys that were doing an exercise of tiki-taka “they treat you all like products in this fucking business, don’t they?”

“You get used to it eventually.” He smiled, a weak smile.

“I don’t know if I can do it.” She admitted in a whisper and a second later she put the whistle in between her lips, blowing it, so all of the boys would gather around. Because she’d keep going until she couldn’t anymore.

Kylian had been regretting his cruel reminder for the rest of the day. He tried apologizing multiple times but she Taylor had this thing about her, when she had that whistle around her neck, it was like nothing had happened between them ever. In a way he appreciated it because she never brought their issues in training, she was fair that way. On the other hand, it made him feel small, like he’d only be an observant of a few parts of her. Like he’d never get to know her or hold her whole. It bothered him, he was never good with sharing.

He came out of the building playing with his car keys, in between his fingers. The slight juggling noise, replacing some of the noise in his head. When he suddenly noticed two of guards standing over someone. He tried to peak through them, walk closer and was met with taylor, kneeling against a wall, drinking water. Her eyes closed, her face looking lifeless. He moved between them to get closer to her and knelt down.

“You, ok?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Doit-on appeler les secours ?”

“Non” he shook his head, his hand gripping her arm and helping her up “je vais l'aider à rentrer chez elle. Merci.” He looked at her “Come on.”

He walked with her to his car, helping her sit on the passenger’s seat and closing the door. He sat on the driver’s seat and buckled her up while she laid her head on the car window. He gazed over her, one hand on the steering wheel, the other close to her knee. “What happened?”

“I’m just dizzy.”

“Bullshit.”

“You got cramps. I got dizzy.” She spoke. Even in her state she had the strength to shot back with a sarcastic comment. Kylian turned away from her and started the engine.

“Have you seen a doctor ever since you came here?” he asked while driving. She didn’t answer him. He tapped his thumb on the steering wheel, making sure he did it silently so she wouldn’t get annoyed by the repeated noises. He glanced at her “Taylor?”

“I don’t need a doctor. Have you seen a medic for your leg?”

He chewed on his cheek. “I don’t need a medic.” He mimicked her voice, seconds later he felt her slap on his stomach, when she drew her hand away, he held it. Interlocking his fingers with hers and pulling it close to his thigh. She tried to slip away but he wouldn’t let her. She gave up eventually, letting him hold it. “I didn’t mean what I said.” He whispered. She didn’t move. “I’d never tell him or use it against you.” She kept her eyes closed, maybe because she could feel the tears coming and it was an attempt to stop them. “I’m not that low.”

“Good to know.” She said in her cracked voice.

Kylian rubbed her hand with his thumb, stopping at a red light “do I need to take you to a hospital?”

She raised her hand, looking straight at him “Absolutely not. I’m not dying Kylian”

“Then what is it?”

“Exhaustion. Anxiety. Dealing with you. Pick whichever.” She looked away again, moved her hand in his because no matter how angry she was she liked the contact. “This is routine for me. It’s nothing serious. Promise.” She bit her bottom lip, while her free hand stroked over her heart.

“You never said how dinner went.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t.” she snapped and dragged her hand away from his. She looked at herself in the mirror, examining the weakness under her eyes, her rough skin. She thought of her father seeing her like this. “Can we go to yours first?” she asked, still looking at herself in the review mirror. Kylian was surprised by her request, then again, they had requested all short off things from each other. “I don’t want dad to see me like this.”

Kylian nodded.

As they reached the house, Kylian picked out towels for her, when he walked in, he caught her stripping out from her clothes. Letting down her hair. He left the towels on the sink and told her he’d be outside if she happened to need anything. She started the water, getting under and letting it wash away as much of the day as it could. Her hair got heavier, her body lighter, her heart slower. For a moment it felt good. Maybe the fact that she was washing with his shampoos, his smells, had something to do with it. That realization got her anxious again. That thought was a weight in her mind because it was true.

He was waiting for her in the bed, outside. Occasionally looking at the door and imagining walking in, asking her to join. He didn’t. But she seemed to take a long time and the water had stopped running for a while. He started to get worried and impatient to see her again. He got up and knocked on the door ones. There was no reply from the other side. He knocked again, nothing. He opened the door slowly, peaking his head inside and his soul melted when he saw her on the floor, a towel wrapped around her, sitting by the wall, knees up to her chin, curled like a ball in the corner. He drew a thin line with his lips, his expression softening. He approached her slow, carefully. He sat next to her, saying nothing, not even touching her, at least not until she leaned her body on his. Her wet hair dripping on his clothes, he threw his arm around her and held her closer, while she bit on her nails. He didn’t know if her eyes were red from the shampoo or the tears. He kissed the top of her head, knowing exactly what was on her mind.

“This has to end.” She mumbled. A harsh truth for both. But it should be easy to let go, right? They were a drug for each other, nothing more.

“Ok.” He agreed.

“Ok.” She repeated.

She cuddled closer to him and she cried, not just for them but for everything. He stroked her hair, rubbed her back, kissed her face, every last piece of it until he reached her lips, which he kissed with more care, more intimacy, as much as he could master. She dressed up, brushed her hair and when she was done they sat on his couch. “Just five minutes” he whispered in her shoulder while she laid on top of him. And it was like they were taking in each other’s presence for the last time, enjoying each other’s company for one last night. And it wasn’t about sex, they didn’t even try to make it about that. It wasn’t about their bodies; it was about their hearts. Romantic, someone could say, but it must have been a new version of romantic. This couldn’t have been the heavenly feeling poets wrote about.

He drove her home around 2am, the two of them laughing at a joke that probably wasn’t as funny. He stopped in front of her house, the lights to her house were still open. She smiled at the thought of someone waiting up for her. She turned to Kylian, smiling. She brushed her thumb against his cheekbones, the hair under his chin. He sank in her touch. There was still so much to say to each other but maybe it was best this way. She leaned in first, kissing him as if making him a promise that she’d always have his taste in her mouth. He held her face closer deepening the kiss, making a vow that he’d swallow this secret to the grave if he had to. He kissed her cheek, her eyes, her nose.

“Please check your leg before tomorrow.”

He snorted “yes coach.” He kissed her nose. “Take care of yourself.”

“Will do.” She smiled.

Why did it feel like losing a friend? They were never friends. They were never anything specific and yet they had been everything through the period of a very short time. Idiots making a mess in the kitchen listening to loud music that Kylian sang along to while Taylor couldn’t make up any of the French words but she’ laugh as he grabs her hand and twist her around and pull her in his arms. They were reckless, stealing kisses from each other in the campus bathroom, hiding in one of the stalls while they were ambushed by one of the other players. Kylian holding his hand over her mouth and holding her up on the toilet so whoever was on the other side wouldn’t see her feet. They were enemies, hurting each other deeply, yelling about tiny things that were big in their hands. But their knives never got far enough for them to bleed. Thieves, stealing firsts from each other and romantics. The new kind.

"i wouldn't know" she ones told him and shrugged her shoulders, staring at his fingers "I don't think I've ever been in love. Don't think I'd even recognize the feeling if i did." Her fingers slipped into his, he held them, stroking them gently and looking down at her. He smiled for a moment, thinking of the memory, then realized this could have been the very last time he had her in his apartment, like that. It brought him more sorrow than he expected

“Goodnight.” She said and snuck out of his car and in her apartment building.

PARC DES PRINCES – THE NEXT DAY

“Stade de Reims held their own on the owner’s stadium, finishing with a tie that PSG struggled to succeed”

Taylor watched at the two reporters from the television. Huffing and puffing. Mad at herself and everyone on this time for the horrible performance that they had put on. A very slow start, unsynchronized playing by everyone and a red card that could have been avoided to Verratti. She almost took her anger out on the referee but was held back by Leo himself, who saw her running and ran after her, pulling on her jacket and forcing her to walk back on the bench.

“PSG Coaches will take on the conference in just a few times.” She was one of them. “With Ms. Wilock, joining for the first time and speaking to the cameras. A little feisty, isn’t she?”

She wanted to pull her hair out.

“Stop that!” said Galtier, snapping her out of it “Come on, let’s get on with this.” He ordered and opened the door to the conference. She was immediately blinded by the cameras, went deaf by the screaming questions and the chaos. She wasn’t built for this, sitting next to the journalists felt more comfortable than sitting on the panel. She ignored the fear, searched for her father in the back of the room and smiled.

The first questions were for Galtier, they gave little to no attention to her. Then she heard her name, a female voice calling her and she searched in between the many faces and the lights, meeting a familiar face.

“It’s nice to see you on the Panel Ms. Wilock. We’ve been waiting for your first appearance.”

“Thank you.” She said shortly. There was something about this woman, something wicked. She had met journalists like her in the past.

“Today could be described as a bad day for you team. You once wrote in one of your articles ‘a dog can shoot and score and scare off opponents easy. 3 dogs don’t make up for a good team—” she was sweating at this point, making a fist with her hand while she could feel the storm coming “The MNM trio has been a target on your website multiple times and I’ve been wondering how you could adapt on a team when there is no trust---”

“I can assure you we trust each other. I stand by the things I’ve written, I’m here to help so no one else writes them again. Today was unfortunate but we will turn it around—”

“How can you say there is trust when one of the executive players says on mic that he sees no positive outcome on his team ever since your arrival?”

She froze. A dark feeling settled on her chest. Who would have said that. She didn’t want to ask she was afraid of the answer.

“There has not been such a statement from any of the players.” Jumped in Galtier, trying to save the girl next to him but the journalist took out a mic and held it up.

“I got Kylian Mbappe saying it right here. Also admits that Ms. Wilock continues as usual with her articles against PSG. Which makes you wonder how much trouble is PSG really in? That last question is for you Mr. Galtier. Is there any control when personal gets in the way—”

She stopped listening when the word personal was heard. The chattering in the room getting louder as people started looking on their phones. The conference door opened and she looked there, a familiar silhouette standing by the door, then people screaming his name and their eyes met and he looked like a puppy, he looked scared and regretful. God what had he done.

hello hello dear little romantics. How are you? In pain? Me too. Imagine the chaos in the conference room and poor Taylor 😭also Kylian is regretting all of his life choices!! Perhaps the journey is officially over. We are reaching the climax of the story, 4 to 5 pages left i think. Can't tell you for sure because at this point I've scraped my entire outline and letting the characters take over. Story has turned out completely different and thank youuu for letting me write it and supporting me through it. NOWww, i know some of you want a lil more sexy time so i wanted to address it because i have no problem writing it BUTT new Romantics is definitely not hardcore smut kind of story HOWEVER promise I'm keeping the best for last. I just don't know if I'll add it on the actual chapters or the blurbs lmk what you'd prefer.

“hope you’re not planning on drinking that.” She said while Ethan opened a bottle of Coca-Cola. He turned to her raising his eyebrows.

“What am I supposed to do with it?”

“Don’t care if you shower with it but you are not drinking it, you already had one—”

“you’re not being serious—”

“Dead Serious.” She said, remaining calm and strict. Ethan searched Kylian with his eyes for his help and caught him looking at them, with a smile on his face. He huffed and puffed and left the bottle down, pushing it away from him. “Good boy.”

“Ms. Wilock!” She turned in the sound of her name, Kylian’s father, Wilfred, stood behind her and very quickly took the seat the next to hers, a glass of champagne in his hand. “I hear you are one of the new teachers in the academy. I hope my son is not giving you a hard time.”

“Which of the two?” she let the joke slip, hating herself the minute that she said it out loud. “I mean—when I was with Kylian—coaching him I mean—he was harder—more difficult—” she smiled “Ethan’s fine.”

“Yeah… you and Kylian had your moments, I remember. I mean it does make sense, doesn’t it?”

She was confused “what does?”

“I mean after everything you had written about him; you didn’t expect for you two to just be friends, right away, did you?” he laughed.

Her expression fell. She thought that she was done explaining herself for her work, seemed not. “Me and Kylian have moved passed that.”

“That’s nice. Cause I’ve seen you’ve rebranded your website. You are back at writing, aren’t you?”

“You fear I will turn against your son again?”

“Will you?”

“I was never against your son in the first place. I was simply doing my job. I’ll continue doing it.”

“I guess we ought to be careful of you then. Keep you close enough.”

His smile while he was being bitter was annoying her. He was pretty much an extra version of Kylian, sarcastic and passive aggressive to the point that it wasn’t so passive anymore. She took a deep breath in and forced a smile on her face “like I said, me and Kylian are not bitter with each other anymore, there’s no need to worry.”

“On the contrary that makes me worry even more.” He tilted his head to the side, looked in her eyes “Les rumeurs sont dangereuses.”

She understood the saying. It was one that made perfect sense in any language, rumors are dangerous and terrible and cruel and, in this case, what was worse is that they were true.

“Sir.”

“My number one job is looking after my kids and I always look after them. Especially when I think they are making a mistake.”

“He said you didn’t know.”

“I didn’t” he answered coldly. He moved closer, so only he could hear her “there’s no version of this that either of you survive the war they’re gonna have on you. Kylian’s reputation is hanging by a thread—”

“That’s because of PSG—”

“I hope that it will never be because of you.”

Kylian was watching them with the corner of his eye, he caught Taylor turning her napkin into hundreds tiny pieces and he knew something was off by her expression. Plus, he knew his father and that he wasn’t going to go easy on her. He got up quickly and went to join the conversation but she got up and left before he had the chance to say anything. Kylian looked at his father, raising his eyebrows.

“What did you say to her?”

“I just asked some questions.”

“What kind of questions?”

Wilfred stood up, fixing his tie “il faut être prudent” [you must be careful]

"de quoi ?" [of what?]

“Tu crois que je ne sais pas la vérité sur vous deux ?” [You think I don’t know what’s going on between you two?]

“Pa—”

“C'est dangereux!” he said a little louder.

Kylian’s mother joined their conversation, worried about the tension. That’s when he saw taylor picking up her sister’s stuff and leaving. He excused himself and went after her, stopping her just before she got in the car to drive away with her family.

“Whatever he said to you—”

“Lily is tired that’s why we are leaving.”

“you’re lying”

“Maybe but I’ve heard enough truths today and they are not any better so what’s the difference—”

“Taylor!”

“I’ll see you back at the house.” She said, but there was something bitter in her voice, like she wasn’t as excited and if her family wasn’t here, she wouldn’t have gone to the house at all. Maybe it was the way she kept saying house, instead of home. She left him stranded on the sidewalk, rubbing his head while she drove out of the gates.

“merde” he mumbled, turning around to get back in his old family home. That when he noticed his mother by the door, arms crossed to her chest, looking at him like he was 12 again and he had just done something bad on accident or said something before filtering himself and she was going to give him a lecture about it. Yet now that he was older, she didn’t have to say what she was thinking with words, to know what she was thinking. She was smiling, a comforting mother’s smile. She could have said all the things in the world, all the advices and worries and fears. Instead, all she said was;

“Your father used to look at me that way.”

And it summed up everything.

KYLIAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

The floor creaked as he stepped in the bedroom. Taylor’s figure laid covered under the blue sheets on her side of the bed, sleeping. He walked around the bed just so he could catch a glimpse of her face, she looked calmer than before. He thought about waking her, maybe he would have because all he wanted to do was cuddle. He leaned closer, his head on her chest so he could hear her heartbeat, he smiled but his smile faded when he heard steps from inside the living room. He rushed in on his tiptoes and he couldn’t see anyone at first, then one of the chairs was dragged across the floor and for a moment he believed in ghost until he remembered, there was a tiny person staying his apartment now. He saw Lily climbing up on the chair and reaching for the cupboards

“Excuse me ma’am—” Lily jumped a little when she heard him and turned around to face him. She looked at her feet like she was guilty and Kylian smiled. “looking for something?” he walked closer to her and got one of the glasses. “water?” he asked and she nodded so he filled up the glass and gave it to her. He helped her down from the chair and she went and sat on the couch. He raised his eyebrow and followed her, sitting next to her. “can’t sleep?” he asked and she shook her head. Kylian looked at the time, it was 5am. He took one of the blankets and covered her body, keeping her warm. “do you usually wake up at this hour?”

“Mhm.” She answered, drinking her water.

“You want me to get mum?”

“no.”

He clicked his lips and watched at the little girl carefully. Then he looked at the table and grabbed the t remote, opening the television and Netflix. Lily moved closer to him when he did that and she started shaking her head as he passed through all the options until he reached a show called “INBESTIGATORS”. She moved her head up and down at that and cuddled closer to him while the tv played low in the background and it’s light filled the room. Soon he was asleep, with her next to him.

Taylor was worried when she realized he wasn’t next to her in the morning. She rubbed her eyes and put on her robe, went inside the living room. She caught a glimpse of his head laying on couch, the tv playing a kid’s show and she went closer. There was something adorable about the sight, him with her sister, asleep. She wondered how the hell they even ended up like that. She would have asked if it wasn’t for her phone ringing from inside the bedroom. Her ringtone was loud so she ran inside to pick it up before anyone else woke up.

“hello?” she asked, almost breathless.

“Ms. Wilock?”

“yes.”

“I’m coach Wiegman, remember me?”

She thought she was still in a dream because in what world was the head coach of the national English team calling and asking if she remembered her. “of course.” She laughed and sat on her bed “Wha-what can I do for you?”

“I was hoping we could meet during the week. We can talk about Australia”

“this week?”

“Yes.”

She shut her eyes, rubbing her forehead “i—I’m not in England. I’m in paris.”

“You’re working for Paris-saint Germaine again?”

She hesitated “kinda.”

“So you’re not available?"

She wanted to scream “no I am- we can—give me some time, and I’ll contact you again by Monday. Would that be ok?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you.”

She jumped when she felt his hand on her shoulder. Turned around quickly to look at him, he looked sleepy and exhausted, so much so that she wondered what time he slept last night. He stroked her shoulder, letting out a yawn. “all good?” he asked and she had no idea what to answer. Should she admit her happiness? How would that work considering that her happiness would take her away from him? Was she supposed to lie and pretend? Did she really want any more lies between them? Any more bitterness?

She went for the third option, fell in his arms and hugged him as tight as she could, cause he had grown to be so important to her in so many ways. Kylian accepted the hug, no questions asked and puled her closer, giving her the comfort she needed. He kissed the top of her head.

“I’m sorry about my dad."

“I’m sorry for running out.”

He snorted “we are getting better at this” he mumbled in her hair and she smiled.

“Maybe.” She paused, closed her eyes “but it’s still going to fast.”

She felt him tense in her arms and pull back, there was this expression on his face like he wanted to know more and wanted to change the subject at the same time. She didn’t even know where to begin, all she could say was “they called me from London.”

“About what?”

She never got to finish what she was saying. Lily had gotten up and so had Beth. Taylor rushed inside to help them with everything. Kylian sat on the bed, looked at her spot and he could swear, he could already see her shape disappearing.

They were the best at ignoring situations and pretending everything is alright, so that’s what they did while Beth and lily were staying with them. It was a sort of silent agreement between them. Taylor would spend most of her time with them, driving them around her favorite places and then Lily would tell Kylian all about it when she’d get back home. Taylor would watch them laughing together from the other corner of the room and she liked the view more than she liked to admit.

“Are you going to come back to england with Tay?” she asked him while sitting on his lap. Taylor almost dropped the glass she was washing when she heard the question and looked at them from the kitchen. She didn’t know if they knew that she could hear them so she remained completely still, waiting for kylian to respond, unaware of why she cared as much for his answer.

“Do you want me to?”

She nodded. “I want you both.”

Kylian smiled “you miss her?”

“Sometimes. But it’s nice to have this nice house too.”

“Well, you can come any time, even when you are grown.” He rubbed his nose against hers and she laughed.

“Can I bring all my friends too?”

“All of them. Every single one.”

“Thank you Kyky!” she dropped her body on his and laid on his chest. Kylian rubbed her back, enjoying the moment.

“You won’t have to miss your sister for too long, I think.” He whispered and she heard it.

The day they left taylor took the long way back to the house, it’s like she knew that she’d face a storm once she got there, they both would. She never told him about the offer, even though she was certain that she’d take it. Yet, deep down she felt like he already knew at least some of the truth or had figured it out by himself.

She put the keys on the lock, unlocking slowly, expecting a wave to hit her the minute she was inside the leaving room. She was met with the familiar sound of tv playing on the background and Kylian’s figure sitting and chilling on his side of the couch. She walked slowly over to him and left the keys on the table, neither of them saying anything at all to each other. They watched television, ignoring the demons sitting in between them. The episode was over and they had to make a decision, keep going like this or talking. Kylian was the one that reached for the remote and shut off the television before the next episode started.

Silence. Who knew silence could be so cold?

“When are you leaving?” he asked and somehow the question was colder. She cuddled herself, shrinking in her corner of the couch.

“how much do you know?”

He bit his lip and looked at his hands “I spoke with Jude.” She scoffed and got up, annoyed. “you weren’t exactly talking to me Taylor—”

“So you decided to go behind my back like you’ve always done—”

“What was your plan? Packing up and leaving without saying anything at all?”

“You really think I’d do that?” she asked, louder.

“I don’t know. I mean I thought we were better at this, right? But turns out our communication is still as shit as it used to be the day we met—”

“Maybe that means something!” she shouted.

“like what?”

“That this—” she waved their hand between them “this is not supposed to be like this.”

Kylian looked in her eyes, hoping to find a lie in her eyes, an excuse to believe that she didn’t mean what she said but she did. And what’s worse is that she was right. He had given her so much, so quick, on hopes that it would make up for all the reasons that they couldn’t be together. He was trying to fix a sinking ship with paper towels. She approached him, slowly, sitting next to him and reaching for his hands, interlocking her fingers with him.

“your father never said anything offensive really. He just held up a mirror. Rumors are a dangerous thing. Honestly I don’t know if he’s trying to protect you or me.” She brushed her thumb over his skin, she was going to miss this feeling. “You did so much for me ever since I came back and I want to offer the same and I can’t because I don’t have it. I’m not talking about material things, I’m talking about myself” she paused “this has been one of the happiest periods of my life but you know me. I can’t stay in one place for to long and I can’t be following you around forever either.” she sighed “I can’t be Mbappe’s girlfriend, at least not now that I’m starting out.” She smiled, thinking of her small successes “the website is doing great. If I go to Australia for the world cup, I can journal so many more teams and have so much more stuff to talk about. Maybe a stable position in the national team.”

“you should go.” He whispered.

She raised her head immediately. Found his eyes. He meant it.

He moved his fingers so he’d be holding her hand better and forced a smile on his face. “I was the reason you lost one chance at this, I’m not going to be the reason you lose a second. You should go, and I’ll even help you pack your bags before you change your mind.” He stroked her cheek, his thumb stroking over the tears that had appeared under her eyes “cause it’s what you deserve. A career bigger than anything I could ever give you.”

She sniffed back the tears but that didn’t really help. She wiped them away and looked deep in his eyes, held his face in her small hands.

“you were my little death.” She whispered, her voice breaking and he lowered his head at her confession because it was to heavy for him. So she held his face tighter and forced him to look at her while she continued “we did so much good for each other. I didn’t even know what being in love was like before you” She smiled “and now I’ll always love you like I’ll never love anyone else.”

He smiled, holding on her hands. He used to be scared of love himself. He used to be afraid of loving people, terrified that that alone would hurt them eventually. He had a choice of loving her enough to let her go and he would.

“Me too.” He said in between his sobs and leaned his forehead on hers, needing to be as close to her as possible. “Ma petite mort.” They were both crying, both letting it sink in that this was not the time for them and that was ok. She’d go. He’d stay and they would be ok.

The next week passed by quickly. She was happy that she was there for the announcement of Kylian getting assigned as Captain for his National Team. She was there when she got the call confirming it and jumped on him the minute he hanged up. She didn’t let him go that night, not because it was one of their last nights together but because she wanted him to always remember what her embrace felt like. She stroked his hair while he stayed wrapped around her, his head laid on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. She had a unique kind of rhythm; he had memorized it. Making sure that it always beat as it should be. That was the last celebration the shared together and not through long distance text messages that were kept short on purpose in an attempt to save each other the heartbreak. Of course, they, didn’t even know that.

Kylian tickled her under the sheets and she fought with him, trying to roll away and save herself from his annoying fingers. He enjoyed listening to that laugh, he wanted to record it and use it as an alarm in the morning. Taylor grabbed his wrist, forcing him to stop and rolled on top of him, holding his hands down. He looked up at her, smiling because he was enjoying the view.

“You’re being naughty.”

“I have to annoy you while I still have the time.”

She lowered her body, reaching his lips and pecking them softy “you’ll be annoying me way after I’m gone for a long long time.” She whispered.

“really?” he smirked “how is that?” he slid his hand away from her hold and let it hover over her hips.

She licked her lips, already feeling the torture piling up, already needing him. “you’re really going to make me say it?”

He other hand reached under the blanket, his fingers gently brushing up and down her spine. She wanted to slap that smirk of his face. “you’re gonna get all shy on me now?”

“I don’t get shy.” She shook her head, biting her bottom lip “and I told you the day we met I don’t get intimidated either.”

“So, tell me.” He hand moved closer to her thigh and she gulped. She let her body fall next to his and reached for his hand under the sheets, interlocking her fingers with his. She pulled it closer to her body and down to her inner thigh and she smiled when she saw him getting serious.

“you’ll annoy me because I’ll never be able to forget your touch.” She moved closer, her lips barely touching his “ever.” She whispered and he took it as an initiative to touch her, the only way he knew how. His fingers crawled under her underwear and made direct contact with her clit, pushing and stroking lightly while she tilts her body back, enjoying it, taking it. He moved over her, his lips on her neck, licking and biting on her skin, just under her ear. The thought that anybody else would be doing these things to her was driving him insane and if anyone else had to make her feel like that, then he had to remain the best, the most memorable.

She gasped for air as he slid his fingers inside her, while his lips remained on hers, sucking on her. He could take her life right now and she wouldn’t complain. She wouldn’t say anything, she’d let him do it. But maybe that’s what was so dangerous about them, how easily they’d ruin themselves just to have each other. When he got his fingers out, she tasted herself from him and he grinned as she did that. He took off her night gown, revealing her body, the body that he had grown to love in ways that he’d never be able to put in words. He could only show her by worshipping as he had done on the first night, in her small messy apartment. The night when he felt a threat about this woman and it was never about the reports, it was because she could see through him, he had allowed her too without even realizing it. He left open-mouthed kisses on her stomach while she messed with his short curls, the only fingers that were allowed to touch them and mess with them as they pleased.

She thought of how his dirty mouth on the first day they met had cursed her and how now he made her feel like she was a holy prayer in between those very same lips. She thought of how she had tried to refuse these lips and failed it’s time because if it was a sin, it was the most heavenly one she had committed and she knew that in one way or another she’d commit it again.

They reached their climax together while he was inside her and they held on each other, making a note of this moment in their heads. He let his body fall on hers while they breathed loudly on each other’s ear, like they had just come out of the ocean. One last time, so they’d always remember killing each other and bringing each other back to life repeatedly.

Next night was her last in Paris...

They arranged a dinner, this time she wasn’t going leave without saying goodbye to her favorite people. They sat on Kylian’s living room. Kylian was sitting on the couch and she was sitting on the floor in between his legs, her one had tight around his leg and the other holding a glass of the finest red wine that Kylian could have found.

“I think Leo is relieved.” Said Kylian, pointing at his teammate.

Messi laughed, shaking his head “I’m just happy I won’t have to be wary of catching you two together on the showers anymore.”

Taylor chocked on one of the chips she was swallowing when he said that. She started coughing, bending forward while Kylian patter her back repeatedly to help her. She took a deep breath, clearing her throat and looked at Leo and Antonella. Leo had a smirk on his face, Antonella was sipping on her wine like giving a playful look back at her. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Neymar was laughing like a kid, that obnoxious loud laugh of his. Kylian, stroked her shoulder, comforting her. “Leo was there one of the times you and I—you know—”

“NO, he wasn’t!”

“I wasn’t there for the whole thing, no.”

“I—” she struggled, she wanted to hide under the couch and never come out at all “you mean—did he? When—where—oh my god I wanna die.”

“Hey listen it’s ok!” said Neymar, filling his mouth with enough chips “you’re not the first ones he’s catching in action—”

“I’m gonna throw up.” She looked at Kylian “you knew about this?”

“He kinda told me after you left.”

“Told you what?”

“He had seen us a couple of times—”

“A COUPLE OF TIMES?” She got up, walking back and forth in the room. Even Antonella was laughing now, but perhaps the most comedic one of all was Ramos, who had stayed with his mouth half open and a piece of chocolate cake on his hand, looking between all the people on the room. Kylian noticed it, nodding towards him.

“You ok man?”

“You two dated before she came back from England?”

“he’s only getting that now?” Asked Neymar, looking at Antonella.

“You boys are known for your quick passing, not quick thinking.” She said, smiling. Neymar rolled his eyes.

“What matters is that I was the first to figure it out.” Said Neymar, raising his glass.

“Hm.” Messi tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes “pretty sure I caught them before you figured it out.”

Neymar looked at him annoyed. “no you didn’t.”

The two started arguing about it. Taylor sat on Kylian’s lap, getting comfortable while Ramos joined the argument, complaining that they should have let him in on the secret. They were like little boys, her boys. Kylian kissed her cheek, while he watched them as well and the two cuddled as close at they could to each other. “I’ll miss this.” She admitted and he smiled.

No one wanted to leave that night. The boys started playing FIFA around 1am, promising that they’d stop every five minutes but it was already 4am and they were still playing, drunk and loudly. Taylor started cleaning up, hoping that that would get em getting up soon. Antonella caught up on it and started helping. The two of them ended up alone in the kitchen over the sink. Taylor was washing and Antonella was drying the dishes, wiping them with a towel.

“it’s a huge opportunity. I have Jude to thank for that.”

“And yourself. Don’t forget that.” She said and taylor looked up at her, handing her another dish “Jude helped but if it wasn’t for your talent and your hard work, you wouldn’t be getting anything. Humans tend to forget that, give more credit to other than they do to themselves.”

Taylor smiled “yeah I guess you’re right.” She looked behind her at the boys on the couch, she could only see half his face but it was enough considering tomorrow she wouldn’t be able to see any of it “but people really help each other, don’t they? One person can make such a huge difference.”

“It doesn’t have to be the end, you know?”

She looked at Antonella “doesn’t it?”

“No.” she smiled. She looked to where Taylor was looking before “I’ve been where you are now, in a way. Look at us now.” She looked back at Taylor “the first time he left for Barcelona I couldn’t imagine we’d end like this. First loves work out only in movies and books.” She grinned “I was wrong.”

Taylor felt a tear roll down her eyes, she wiped it away quickly, forcing a smile on her face “you were lucky.”

“Maybe. But anyone who has felt love like this is as lucky as us and luck may take time but if you have it, it always works out in the end. When it’s supposed to be.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

Neymar was the last one to leave. Taylor helped to his car when his driver arrived. He stopped out of it and looked at her, smiling. “I knew you had it in you the day I met you.”

“Did you?” she asked, smiling.

“I won’t say goodbye.” She scoffed, crossing her arms. “Because we will see each other again soon. Some sort of award show, Balloon d’or.” She laughed, looking up at him.

“What am I getting it for?”

“You’ll be head coach of national team one day.”

“Oh really? You think so?”

“I know so. We’ll be on the sidelines.”

“Neymar Jr. on the sidelines—“

“Don’t forget Leo.”

“Of course, how silly of me, Neymar Jr and Lionel Messi, on the sidelines. It sounds like the beginning of a really bad joke.”

He shrugged “you’ll see.”

“I’m sure.” She smiled and stepped forward, tying her arms around him. “I’ll miss you no matter how long it takes to see you again. Do me a favor.”

“What?” he whispered in her hair.

“Don’t give up yet. Your final game, it needs to be somewhere you are respected, with both your feet on the ground. It needs to be a show to be hold and I wanna be there for it.”

He was crying too now. He pulled back and smiled at her through the tears, he nodded “deal.”

When everyone left, they made a cup of coffee for each and sat on the balcony. Watching the sunrise, cuddled with each other. little Luna was laying curled up in a ball I between them. They agreed of her going to the airport alone and skipping over the melodrama, they didn’t want to have that memory and they promised this would be their last memory together, laughing and talking about work while the sun came up. Taylor realized in that moment she wasn’t afraid of daylight finding them together anymore and if the sun dared to ask what she was doing, she’d answer in one breath “loving him.” And in her heart, she knew that he’d answer exactly the same and that was enough.

It wasn’t short time, he thought while he tangled his fingers with hers and hid his face on her hair, it was a whole life that they’d eventually live again, maybe somewhere else, as different people.

“You sure you don’t wanna take her?” he asked, while Taylor was petting luna behind her ear.

“I’m afraid she’d find London incredibly dull.” She whispered “she’s a true parisian.” she smiled "take good care of her please."

He smiled and squeezed her closer to him. "i will."

“And Don’t let Real Madrid go. Chase it, PSG is comfortable but every golden cage is.”

“on one condition.” He spoke.

“I’m listening.”

“No matter how many years. You’ll be there for my first match with Real Madrid, no matter where and how we are.”

She smiled, looked at the sun and the orange sky. Luna moved a little, getting more comfortable, she squinted her eyes so she wouldn’t go completely blind by the sun. How romantic,she thought. She knew exactly what to say.

“I promise.”

“You sure he won’t be looking for you right now?”

“What are you doing here?” she asked but the question sounded more stupid out loud then it did on her mind. Of course, he was here, he was supposed to be here with the French team. It would be weird if he wasn’t. She looked at his leg “I mean why are you not locked up in a hospital or something with that horrible leg.”

“Same reason you are not locked up in your bedroom after writing that horrible article.”

She laughed, an evil laugh. She bit her tongue annoyed, crossing her arms and looking away because that was a low blow and it seemed like they were back to their old ways. The times when they bit on each other like cats and dogs and scarred one another deep.

“I’m not doing this.” She said and walked past him. He grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn to him again, pulling her close to him. He had missed her skin, her perfume, her aura. He wished she’d go on calling him a piece of shit if that meant she’d stay for another minute with him and ignore Mason Mount. He moved his hand up her arm, making sure the contact gave away his dirty thoughts. Because he wanted her to know, he still thought about her under him or over him.

She looked at his hand, memories swarming in her mind like flies of all the times he’d done that in Paris. Kylian made a step forward, leaking his lips and looking up and down at her. She looked different. The fire in her eyes was gone, like she had no will to fight him at all.

“How did you do it?” she asked suddenly. His eyes lifted up to hers, he wasn’t sure what she meant. She pulled her arm away, replacing his touch with her own by putting her hand over where his used to be. “I can imagine but I want to know for sure. Why didn’t she release the article about us? It was ready! It would have been front page. The biggest headline. So why, did it never break out?”

“Why does it matter--”

“Because it does!” she snapped. “So, tell me, or this conversation is over.” He hesitated. Hid his hands in his pockets. She examined him, her suspicious getting confirmed while she looked at him. “How much did you give her and what else did you promise her because it couldn’t have been just money!” he didn’t respond. She went closer, slapped his arm “how fucking much, Kylian?” she asked louder, tried to hit him again but he snatched her hands—

“Arrêtés!” he yelled, his eyes staring right in hers and she tried to push him away but he pulled her closer instead, their chest bumping onto each other. She looked at his lips, it was an instinct. She craved him as much as she hated him. He angled himself so he’d have access to her lips if he wanted to, if he needed to. “I told you before you left that I’d stop it and that’s what I did. The how is not important.”

“My savior” she mumbled but there was so much irony in her voice, it made him distance himself, take a good look at her. He narrowed his eyes.

“That’s what you have to say?”

“I have a bomb over my head for the rest of my life, what do you want me to say? I Left because I was ready for it to explode and now, I have to look over my shoulder, listening to all these endless rumors—”

“You left because you wanted to ran away—”

“Yes, and you made sure I have to keep running by ‘protecting’ me—”

“Protecting you?” now he would be the one to get defensive, regretful of thinking even for a moment that he could show his true emotions for his ex coach “Don’t give yourself so much credit, I did it for me, as I do everything, hasn’t that been your complaint ever since you met me?” She didn’t answer. “I mean imagine, talented player, can’t hold himself together around an assistant. Pitiful, I’d say!” Something broke inside of her, something she didn’t know she had. He bit his tongue, tasting the poison before speaking he next words “At the end of the day it’s not my fault if you go on fucking footballers and the story comes back around—”

It was a hard slap. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t expect it or deserved it. When he looked up again, he could see her eyes, swollen, red and tears under them. He had been the cause of that, same way she had been the cause of his aching cheek and it seemed that all the two were capable of was hurting each other, even when they wanted to help.

Trish could hear her ringtone, she knew her phone was somewhere in the bathroom stall, definitely not in her dress pocket anymore. No, that space was filled by Jude’s hands instead while he was leaving his taste on her lips, kissing every corner of her mouth. She was tied on him, pinned against the glass walls that separated the stalls and breathing him in. How did they find themselves in these situations, she didn’t know but she liked it. She opened her eyes to search for the device but a moan left her lips immediately after as she felt Jude sucking on her neck, making her forget what she was looking for in the first place. The phone went silent for a moment, the ringtone echoed again and she tried to untangle herself from the tall beautiful man but he held her tighter, his lips finding hers again.

“let it ring.” He whispered in her mouth.

“You’re being needy.”

“Bite me,” he responded quickly.

Trish laughed “Metaphorically or Literally?”

Jude pulled away only so she could see the sneaky grin on his face “both.”

Trish couldn’t hide her smile as dived in his neck, left bites on his veins. Despite their need to stay locked with each other, the phone didn’t seem like it was going to give up. Trish groaned on his neck and jumped off, she ducked and found the phone under the toilet. As she got up, Jude put his arms around her, to keep her close while she answered the call but she pulled away just seconds later, and turned around to face him, a terrified expression in her eyes.

“Oh my god—” she whispered before hiding her mouth in shock.

“I’m sorry..” it was an honest apology. It came a few minutes later after he had spoken his brutal and offensive words. She had turned her back on him, he was looking at the floor, his hand over his aching cheekbone. She sniffed in her tears, wiping them with the back of her hand. Perhaps this is how it would always be between the two, hurting and healing each other simultaneously. She nodded, knowing that she must have said worst to him at some point, so did she really have any right to be mad at him? Well… even if she did, she had no strength to. His warmth came like a veil around her, as he walked closer and embraced her from behind, his head lost in her hair. He whispered the words that she’d never admit out loud: “Tu m'as manqué.” He kissed her neck, the way he used to in her small apartment, in the city of love, the moments of sin and weakness that they shared. She let him, he kept going, she ached to turn and face him, kiss him, taste him. His fingers crawled slightly under her shirt, the skin to skin contact making both of them dizzy and she was so close to letting go of her defenses, sinking into him, an ocean that if she could breath underwater, she’d stay in forever.

She turned, their lips inches from each other, it’s that moment before jumping in the water, you know it’s gonna be cold and endless, it scares you.

“TAY!”

She moved away, behind her stood a breathless Trish and a worried looking Jude. Something was wrong, she just didn’t know what. Trish hesitated, like the words were stuck on her lips but she couldn’t find the strength to speak them. Taylor noticed the way that Jude had his hand placed on her shoulder. She moved closer to them, losing Kylian’s warmth completely. “What happened?” Trish never said it. Her eyes were loud enough. “Is he ok?”

“In the hospital.” Said Jude.

“Beth tried to call you—” taylor looked in her bag for her phone, she tried to open it but the battery had died, typical.

“Fuck!” She threw her phone back in her bag and walked away, heading to the parking lot for her car. Her heartbeat echoed in her mind. Jude stepped in front of her, his tall figure blocking her view .

“You’re not driving.” He said strictly “I’ll take you and Trish to the hospital.”

Kylian watched the scene unfold, feeling helpless yet again. He followed them to Jude’s car, only stopping when they got in. He stood by the window. “let me know how he is.”

“I will.” She said, part of her wanting him to come with her, to hold her if the worst case scenario were to come true. He gave her hand a light squeeze and he stepped back to let the car leave.

Lily Wilock, was a vibrant girl. She had long black hair, curly, like her mother’s Beth. She didn’t know a lot about the world yet. She hadn’t known any heartache in her life either, but there was something about this night. Everyone had a worried expression, the bright hospital lights were hurting her eyes and she wanted to sleep but even her mother’s hug felt weird like she wasn’t completely with her. She knew her dad, Charlie, was somewhere in one of those white rooms, sleeping because he needed more help than usual and these rooms were more relaxing than usual rooms, or at least that’s what she was told. It was the sound of quick footsteps that had her turning her head as she sat on the black couch in the hall. That’s when she saw her sister, running, Trish was with her, she was always funny. And a man that she had met a couple of times—she liked him because last time she saw him, he ha picked her up on hos shoulders and she felt like she could see the whole world from up there.

“How is he?” Asked Taylor and lily looked up at her, biting her finger while watching at the grown ups. The tall man walked up to her, kneeling in front of her so they were the same height and smiled, waving, taking her attention off the conversation that Taylor was having with her mother.

“Look at you, all grown up. You’re almost taller than me!”

Lily laughed, blushing and hiding her face “Am not!” she said.

“Yes you are look!” he moved his hand between them, making it look like hers was higher than his and the two of them laughed. It was a loud laugh that came out of lily, one that you don’t hear in hospital hallways. Taylor looked at them, remembering that she had to put a mask on for her sister. She went and knelt next to Jude, forcing a smile on her face.

“He says I’m tall!” complained Lily.

“Does he?” asked Taylor, the color of her voice coming out sadder than she meant it to.

“Look how tall you can be—” Jude picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder again and spinning her around. Trish sat next to Taylor, patting her shoulder. And she had to go against every emotion and need in her body, to not start crying because she knew exactly what was going to follow.

Trish and Jude left a few hours later, if she was in her right mind, she would have questioned them leaving together. But she wasn’t. At some point she drifted off to sleep with lily in her arms. Her mind was awake, ready to hear the alarm, but her body had given in and there was something about listening to a little kid breathing in her sleep. She opened her eyes when she felt a slight tickling on her cheek, she thought it’d be Beth and almost jumped of the couch but it was someone else. Dressed in his hoody, black sunglasses to hide his eyes and a mask to cover his features. No one else could recognize him, but she knew his touch all too well.

“Ky?” she whispered.

“hey.”

“You came.”

“You called.”

Taylor smiled, she looked at Lily who had found a hiding place in her arms and at Beth who was sitting in the end of the couch, head laid on her hand. Kylian smiled at Lily. “She’s cuter in person.” Taylor hummed in response, rubbing her eyes. “You wanna go get some coffee?” he asked and she nodded, carefully moving away from lily and getting up, she told Beth she’d be back in just a few minutes with coffee for the both of them.

Taylor was still wearing her mini dress, but Jude had left his jacket for her. Kylian would have offered his hoodie if he wasn’t scared of being recognized. They walked in silence, their fingers almost brushing as they walked. Taylor ordered their coffees but Kylian handed his card to the barista before she had time to pay. The barista took a good look at him but didn’t say anything. The two of them made their way back to where they were before, Kylian took the opportunity and interlocked his hand with hers, making her stop and pulled her in a private corner they could be alone for a minute. He moved his mask down and she took of his sunglasses because she needed to look at them. He leaned his forehead on hers, giving her any energy he had. She held his hand tighter and let her body drop on his chest, he rubbed her back, silence. That’s where the two of them thrived, that’s where they understood each other the most.

“Have you heard anything about Luna?” she asked suddenly.

He held back his smile “she’s thriving.”

“I miss her.” She paused “can you tell your friend to send some pictures?”

He stroked her hair behind her ear. “I’ll tell him.”

“thanks.” She answered and lowered her head. He noticed, sorrow returning.

“He’ll be ok—”

“Don’t say that.” She said quickly.

He hesitated “what do you want me to say?”

So many things, she thought. He brushed her hair, kissing the top of her head. “I don’t know.” He moved his hand to her cheek, lifting her head and kissing her temple, then her cheek, then the corner of her lips and she could taste the salt all over her skin.

The two started moving again, Kylian putting on his disguise like before, hiding his face and walking back to Beth but her entire body froze as she made the turn. Beth was up, standing in front of the doctor, head low, her whispers echoing in the empty hallways, lily laying on the couch, cuddled with her knees, still sleeping. Taylor’s knees couldn’t hold her up, her hands couldn’t hold the coffee cups, she dropped them, dropped herself on the floor too. Kylian tried to keep her up, pulling her hand but he didn’t insist. He let her crumble and he had never heard her making these sounds, these broken sounds, a low scream, combined with sobs and mumbling. She held on the fabric of his shirt, making a fist with her hand as she trembled, so fragile, he thought. So fucking fragile.

How do you move on from such a loss? When the hand that has been holding you through everything, turns cold. Only thing she can remember from that night is moving between different embraces, the sound of cries, hers and Beth’s. The doctor’s eyes. No one tells you about that, how the doctor’s eyes get imprinted in your brain, stay in you thought every time you try to think about the one you lost. No one tells you that even when you’re in the funeral, ready to say goodbye you think about them as if they are alive, expecting them to call as soon as the reception is over. You save a seat for them in church because you were used to saving it for them your entire life. And your last conversation remains on repeat in your head, analyzing every last word, lingering on everything they said.

“Why do you stay? You’re not even happy there.” He told her, the night before the party, the night before he left.

“I’m content.” She lied, now she whished she hadn’t. Her father coughed, it was a rough cough, she should have known.

“You’re settling.”

She looked at him, thinking about his face now, she could see all the signs, the circles under his eyes, his torn lips, his weak color. She could have saved him perhaps, if she wasn’t lost in her thoughts. “Maybe I am. But at least I’m home. It’d be the same in Paris.”

“Paris scares you for all it’s possibilities.”

“Paris scares me for all it’s dangers.” She admitted, looking down at the blanket that she had hidden under, pulling one of the loose threads, scratching her nail against it. “Should have let go of football when god told me to.”

“Since when do you believe in God?” he asked, almost laughing. “had to drag you in church when you were a kid, you weren’t a fan of it when you were a teenager either—“

“People change.” She said, but she was smiling because she knew how stupid she must have sounded.

“Yeah they do. When they are looking for an excuse.” She looked up at him, her smile fading away. “you’re forcing yourself out, telling everyone it’s your decision while convincing yourself it’s your only decision.” He always had the most brutal truths under his tongue, she pulled harder on the thread “No one tells you to turn back to PSG, but you could have a career in this and you are not chasing it—” he coughed, his voice getting raspier “I’ll always blame myself for you missing your first chance—”

“Pa—”

“Now it’s your choice.” He moved closer to her, placed his hand on her heart “it could beat forever and it would never be enough unless it’s in the rhythm you want it to. Don’t let it die in silence.”

Silence. There was so much silence as she stared at his coffin, little lily holding her arm and leaning on it, a reminder of what she was left with to protect. He was gone now, and the only thing Lily had left of him was Taylor, that gave her a sense of responsibility. For the afternoon, lily and Beth went to stay with Beth’s mother, she told them that she could pass by there at night but she wanted to home first, change. In reality all she wanted to was to be alone, think about everything and sink in her sorrow, in hopes that she’d find the bottom at some point. She parked the car right outside of her house, paying little attention to her surroundings. She got out, playing with the keys in her hands when she noticed a familiar set of shoes, and she looked up, she held her keys tighter. She was happy to see him.

“Jude gave me your address.” She nodded. “I would have come to the funeral too but I didn’t—” she raised her hand to stop him.

“It’s best that you didn’t. last thing I needed was paparazzi trying to get a picture of you. There were already whispers about Bellingham being there, I can’ imagine what would happen if you showed up.” She said while walking closer to him. She noticed he was holding a paper bag in his hands and his eyes were soft, she tried to remember if she had seen them as soft in the past. She let out a breath, like she had reached sore after a long way out in the water. She let her body fall on his chest as he shielded her with his arms. “my eyes are dry.” She mumbled “didn’t think that was possible.” He rubbed her back and lowered her head to her ear.

“wanna go inside?”

“yeah.” She whispered and the moved away to get to the door. She unlocked it, stepping in the house, expecting to hear her father’s footsteps running down the stairs, lily screaming her name, Beth cooking in the kitchen. It was empty. No sounds, no movements, just ghost. She told Kylian to leave his coat on the hanger behind the door and walked in the kitchen, ignoring the chilling silence in the house.

“Coffee or tea?” she asked, keeping her mind occupied, as she left her bag on the kitchen counter and opened the cupboards. Kylian came in a moment later, examining the art on the walls, the decorations, toys all over the floor, lily’s he imagined. There was so much color, so much coziness that he felt like he was trespassing to a home he was never invited to.

“tea.” He said, still looking around the kitchen. He could almost imagine the whole family in this room, laughing, teasing each other, a little sad that he never got to experience it with them. His thoughts halted when he heard Taylor hissing and cursing, he looked at her. She was holding her thumb rubbing it and he imagined she had burned herself. He moved closer, coming up behind her while she rumbled about how much she hated this kettle and she always told her father he must buy a new one. Her words fell sort as soon as he embraced her, pulling her to his chest to comfort her and he could almost hear the tears coming. She grasped his arm, her nails almost digging on his skin and he lowered his head to her neck, his grip getting tighter as more sobs escaped her mouth. Weak sobs at first that turned to heartbreaking noises, similar to the ones she made at the hospital. She used her other hand to rub her face, turning around and finding solace in his hug. He picked her up slowly, walked with her to the couch.

“The tea” she whispered.

“I’ll get them.” He said as he sat her down on the pillows and used the spare blanket on the edge of the bed to cover her. He went back in the kitchen for a few minutes, returning with the cups and leave them on the coffee table before finding his seat next, she moved a little forward so he’d sit behind her. He threw his arm around her, bringing her closer to him and she got comfortable on his scent, feeling slightly lucky that he happened to be here, that she was able to feel his skin on hers. She closed her eyes and breathed out a sigh, sniffing in her sadness. He kissed the top of her head and let her cry, without saying anything. He reached for one of the cups and held it in front of her, helped her take a long sip. He was wondering if she had eaten anything in the last 24 hours, he doubted it. He let the cup back on table and brought her even closer, tucking the blanket so she her body wasn’t exposed to any coldness.

“just when I think I’m out of tears—” she wiped away some with her palm, her voice coming out rough. He drew circles on her arm under the blanket and lowered his head, so he could kiss her ear. “It feels like it’s never going to end.” She said, a sob breaking her sentence, her moved her closer to him.

“It will.” He whispered. “it’ll get better.” She gazed at the wall, her mind felt empty.

“It’s not about me I’m more worried about, you know.” She admitted. She moved a little, only so she’d be able to look at him. “it’s lily.” Kylian didn’t know what to say to that, there were no right words. “I met him, I lived him.” She smiled “he was my everything for a long time, what sucks is that she…” she paused, trying to breathe through the pain “she won’t know him.” More tears came rolling down, she shrugged her shoulders “she won’t know what it’s like to have him screaming your name on the bleachers, when he—” she sniffed “tries to be angry but fails—” she laughed at the memories. He watched her carefully, stroking her hair while she spoke “and you know Beth will do a great job but she should have… she should have gotten the chance to live a life with him the way I did.” He wiped the tears for her this time, she leaned on his touch, hyperventilating. “what if she forgets him?”

“that won’t happen. At the end of the day, she’s got you for the rest of her life to remind her of him. Right?” It was so confusing that he’d ever let this woman as close, it was an unfamiliar feeling that he couldn’t translate. How much he cared about holding her together, how he wanted to cuddle her until the storm passed, there was a warmth on his chest, a realization that was settling right over his heart about how he felt about that woman. “have you eaten anything?” he questioned and she shook her head. He went to get up but she pulled his sweater.

“please.” She mumbled and he stayed where he was, didn’t move at all, if that’s what she needed, that’s what he would give her. She turned her head so her nose would be pressed against his chest. And they stayed like that for a while, tangled with each other. He felt her calming, her breathing stabilizing, she’d hold his fingers, play mindlessly with them. An electricity washed over him when she brought his hand closer to her lips and kissed it, he closed his eyes, blocking out any dirty thoughts because it wasn’t the time. “where’d you get that?” she asked suddenly and he looked at his hand, she was rubbing her thumb over a long scar he had on the back of his hand. Kylian smiled but shook his head.

“Can’t remember.”

“Did you get a cat at campus?” she interrogated her finger now brushing over a scar on his arm, that he had forgotten was there. She tilted her head back, forcing herself to smile at him “or was it a lady?”

Kylian laughed, bending his head on hers “nah haven’t met one with nails as sharp as yours yet.” Taylor snorted, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the closeness. Maybe he could help her forget for one night.

“then it must be a cat.” She hummed “I only know one that hates you as much.” Kylian bit his lip, he didn’t want to tell her, as if he would be admitting to a crime. “you said you gave her away.”

He didn’t respond. He stared at her closed eyes, waiting for her to open them so he could look in her soul. He stroked her chin with his thumb. “I said I’d try.”

She smiled, leaning closer to him, their noses brushing against each other. “Is it that hard to find a cat a home these days?”

He dug his hands under her hair. “had to be sure they deserved her.”

She finally opened her eyes, the two of them looking one another like they were about to kiss for the first time. “why didn’t you tell me?”

“I felt like I was stealing her.”

She shook her head, looked down at the threads of his sweatshirt and started playing with one of them “you could never steal anything from me. Seems I keep on giving everything to you.” He lifted her chin with his index finger, so he could lock eyes with her again. She smiled “how is she?”

“I told you, she’s thriving.”

“Buying her the most expensive cat food, are you?”

“Taking her out for walks and all that shit.”

“Do your new girls like her?”

“They never stay around too long for them to find her.”

She scoffed, he noticed the spark in her eyes returning “does she hide under the bed?”

“You remember the high cupboards in the kitchen?”

She hummed

“She stays there all day.”

Taylor placed her hand on his chest “does she sleep here like she used to when you’d come in the apartment?”

He held her hand “some nights.”

“You didn’t have to keep her.”

“elle me fait penser à toi.” [she reminds me of you.] He confessed in a warm breath that hit her face, his gaze remaining focused on her eyes. For all his fear of making eye contact, he didn’t look away even for a second, neither did she. A smile creeped on her face, he wondered if he understood what he said, the familiar heat he used to feel around her returning. Sher leaned in, connecting her lips with his, a sort, emotional kiss, a taste, a slight brush. Then they pulled away, not too much, just enough so he’d look in her eyes.

“Tu m’as manqué aussi” she said in a low tone, balancing her head on his. He couldn’t hide his smile when he heard her speak his language, he wished his could, he wished his hands were tied behind his back as well, so he wouldn’t give in to his thoughts. He didn’t have time to do any of these things because she kissed him again, this time with more force, like she was trying to steal something from him.

“Taylor…” he mumbled in between her lips. She didn’t stop. She climbed on him, getting as close as she could and he had no strength or will to push her away, he wanted this as much as she did. But something in him screamed that it was wrong, that she was too broken and he was taking advantage of it. His hands slid down to her hips, trying to put some force, so she’d stop. She moved back only an inch. He held her face. “you’re too vulnerable”

“I know exactly what I’m getting myself into…” He closed his eyes, remembering of all the times they said this to each other. Of all the times they used it as an excuse. “promise” she added, leaving a peck on his lips “I need you ky.”

He leaned in, sucking on her lips, giving her what she asked for. “are you sure?”

She nodded quickly, leaving a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Her fingers crawled under his shirt, making their way round his biceps, remembering his shape, remembering him. He kissed her, the spot right under her chin, remembering the feeling of her skin on his lips and she locked herself on him for a moment before getting off him, slowly, dragging his hand with her, signaling him to get up.

He did. Their fingers interlocking. He pulled them up to his lips, leaving a trail of kisses as she walked with him to the stairs that led to the bedrooms. He followed, silent, calm and intrigued, she could lead him anywhere and he wouldn’t complain. The reached one of the closed doors. She stopped in front of it, turning to him, he trapped her between him and the door, kissing her again, realizing how much he actually missed her. She pushed down the handle of the door, un-trapping herself and stepping backwards at her room. Her space. There was something different about being in her family house, like he had only seen a version of her in the apartment she was renting in Paris, like she had only let him in halfway through until now. She kept walking until she reached her double bed, a curtain hanging from either side. They stood in front of it, as if they had never touched each other again, like it was the first time.

In a way it was. A chance to go back to the start, when their bodies burned under the same sheets. He made a step closer and she reached for his jumper. He stopped her, his hands covering hers. “no rush” he whispered and moved her hands away. He didn’t care about his own satisfaction, even though he knew he’d get it, he wanted to be sure that he’d get her as high as possible, tonight wasn’t for the both of them, it was for her. His fingertips, caressed her cheekbone, her eyes closed, she was enjoying it. He took his time, moving his finger around her face, until he reached her lips, where his thumb dragged her bottom li. It was dry, it was colorless, he wanted to change that. So he kissed her, she tried to fasten it, but he didn’t let her. He searched for the buttons of her black cotton dress, started unbuttoning it from the bottom-up while his lips gave life to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him deeper, forcing the kiss to last longer. She pulled his jumper again, pulling it off him, over his shoulders and exposing his muscular arms. She let the clothing item drop on the floor and stepped on it as she got closer to him, he returned to her neck, his favorite place in her body, pleasing her any way he knew how. “jump” he whispered in her neck as he instantly picked her up on his arms and sat with her on the bed, kissing the exposed skin in between her dress. His lips in between her breast working like a drug in her mind. She’d let herself in his mercy for the night. He took of his shirt, uncovering himself and she got drunk simply by the sight. She leaned on him, clinging onto him while slid the dress off her shoulders and let it fall off. Still taking his time, choosing his kisses carefully, making sure every inch of her body was touched and shivering. He picked her up and maneuvered his body, so she’d be laying down and he’d be on top. He pushed her up on the bed, so her neck would be comfortable on the pillows and toyed with the thread of her bra, debating whether he should take it off yet or not.

He chose not to, instead left kisses all over body, from her collarbone to her breast, to her stomach, he knew the way like the back of his hand, like it was home. He heard her whimpering, eyeing her before continuing his trip by kissing her thighs, both of them. There was something different about the way he was holding her this time around. Like the time apart changed their little dance. And she couldn’t pin point the difference yet but she liked it. He came back up, pulling down his pants with his one hand, she helped.

And they continued touching and kissing, getting to know each other’s bodies again, until the could both feel it was time to get lost in each other. He could feel him in between her thighs, hesitant, looking in her eyes, asking for permission that she gave freely with a nod. He lowered his head to her neck and before entering her he whispered to her ear “Ma petite mort.” And then he slid on her, pushing a moan out of her lips that filled the room, echoed in the walls of her childhood bedroom that has changed over the years to mirror who she was as she’d grow up. It took her a while in the haze for her to translate his words—

“is that what love is to you?”

“I think it’s fair to say it weakens your consciousness. Has you dying and awakening repeatedly.”

“How did you say it?” she bit on her bottom lip.

“la petite mort”

Except he didn’t say La. He said Ma. Such small difference. Such heavy confession.

Her eyes opened as realization hit, while he was still inside her and hidden in her neck and her body felt so light in that moment, so fragile. And she wished she could confess the same to him, find a way to tell him she felt the same way. He lifted his head from her body, looked in her eyes, she pulled his head down so she could kiss him, let him taste the words she couldn’t tell out loud.

Next morning the sun creeped in through the curtains that they had let open during the night. He woke up with her body still laying on his, still asleep and as fragile as he remembered it. He checked the time and knew he had to leave soon, catch the flight back home—odd, if he was meant to go home, why did this feel like home as well? He gazed at her rosy cheekbones, how her face was squeezed on the pillow, her chest going and down as she’d let out a fragile breath, he gazed at her like she was a painting, meant for his eyes only. He kissed her nose and moved away, searching his clothes around the room, he put on his pants and his shirt. Picked up his jumper and left it on the bed for her. He leaned over to her, leaving another kiss on the eyebrow and she moved slightly, awakening from the hypnosis he had put her under.

“I have to go.” She reached for his arm, holding it gently. He kissed her, one last kiss. “we’ll talk.” He spoke in her lips. She nodded and let him distance himself. When opened the bedroom door, she sat up and put on the jumper he had left for her. She wanted to go behind him, tell him a proper goodbye, but she was terrified that if she did, she wouldn’t let him go at all. She slowly walked out of the bedroom, listening to him picking his stuff when suddenly she heard voices—“shit” she mumbled and ran downstairs.

Kylian was standing by the front step, laughing at something, talking to someone. She had to get to next to him to see her little sister talking. “lily, where’s Ma?”

“In the kitchen.” She said with her tiny voice. Kylian looked at taylor, a little embarrassed at the situation. Taylor didn’t really know what to say either. “What’s Mbappe doing here?” she asked. Taylor opened her mouth slightly, searching for the right words.

“I wanted to make sure your sister was ok.” He said quickly, then he kneeled to her height. “I’m a close friend” he explained.

“Lily!” Beth came in the living room, holding glass of orange juice. Taylor looked immediately at her, regretful of the circumstances “Oh—” she mouthed but held herself from saying anything else. “Sorry, I didn’t realize—” while the grown ups were occupied feeling awkward about everything, lily ha gone closer to Kylian, put her hand in his ear and whispered

“can we be friends too?”

Kylian smiled, the awkwardness melting away as he looked to the little girl’s eyes. He nodded “you can come to Paris with your sister one day.”

“I’m not as good in football. Mark talks about you all the time, he even has a notebook with your face on it.”

“Is mark your friend?”

She shook her head, hiding begin the doll she was holding. Taylor stepped closer. “we’ve got a little crush on mark you see.”

“Oh—” he laughed “do we? Well, what can I possibly help with that? You think he’d like it if you have him autograph of mine?”

She nodded, smiling. Taylor went and found a piece of paper quickly and a pen, giving both to Kylian. He signed even wrote a message for mark and gave it to lily. They took a picture together and he excused himself, said he had to go to the airport. Taylor showed him to the door, the two of them standing out of his car.

“Thanks for that.” She smiled.

“Uh don’t think about it. I know what it’s like crushing over a Wilock girl.”

“Technically she is the one crushing over him.” She corrected. Kylian pulled her closer y the long sleeves of his jumper.

“I’ve left a bag for you. In the kitchen. It’s some gifts by the boys.”

“They still think about me?”

“Some more than others.” He smirked.

“Did you tell them about…?”

“No. I thought best to tell them in person and I wasn’t sure if you wanted too either.”

“Thanks. Yeah, you can tell them when you get there. Tell them I’ll be ok.”

“I will, because I know you will.”

She stroked his cheekbone, grinned. “last night was nice.”

“Yeah” he licked his lips and chewed on his bottom one.

She kissed his cheek, her lips lingering on his cheek “fly safe.”

He kissed her back and got in his car, driving away.

For the rest of the day she had to answer calls and messages, condolences and everything that she had been ignoring. After the 10th call, she felt like she was she was a robot, reciting the same thing over and over again. People she hadn’t spoken to in years were calling, telling her how much they loved her father, some of it felt so fake to her, she wanted to yell at them.

She plummeted herself on one of the chairs in the kitchen table, shutting off her phone and throwing it on the table. “I don’t want to talk to any more of them.”

“Then don’t” said Beth, while she was mixing the soup. Taylor looked at her.

“What are you making?”

“Chicken soup.” She glanced at her “do you mind fixing the table? Dr. Rhodes we should try keeping a routine for Lily’s sake.”

“Yeah…” she nodded and got up. Then she noticed the bag on the middle of the table and sat back down “god I forgot about this.”

“What is it?”

Taylor untangled the bow and opened the bag “Kylian gave it to me, I don’t know.” She put her hand, searching for the random items and took out a dozen pictures. “Bloody hell…” she looked at them, her heart melting at the memories. They were pictures of her and the boys. Pictures of when they won against AL NSSR, or when they had a water fight on campus. She sensed the heat of a tear under her eye. A picture of her and Neymar, looking like dorks. A picture of her in her blue Dior dress, next to Ramos. She let out a laugh. Beth turned to her, letting down spoon she was trying the soup with and went closer.

“Are these from Paris?”

“Yeah.” She said. She looked back in the bag, found a napkin, she picked out and realized—“I’m gonna kill him.” She whimpered, she didn’t mean it of course, all she wanted to do was kiss him. She read the names on the napkin, remembered writing them herself, the first night that she went out with the whole team. The jokes the shared, Neymar being a little too flirty. Kylian staring at her, a gaze that at that point she couldn’t decipher but now she longed for every time she closed her eyes.

“You look happy.” Said Beth, taking her out of her thoughts. She turned her attention to her, confused. Beth dragged back one of the chairs and sat down next to taylor. “Love the dress” she said as she picked out the picture with her and Ramos. Taylor forced a smile and looked back on the bag, there was as shirt in the bottom, she took out, it was with the psg colors, her name on the back, number 16 under it. She was bawling, but these tears tasted differently. “Aw sweetie.” Beth moved her chair closer to taylor and cuddled her like any mother would. She rubbed her head.

“The night before he left, he told me I should go back and I told him I couldn’t because I had him here and I couldn’t leave him—” she could hardly breathe “and now he’s gone and I got you and lily, I can’t leave you either—”

“Hun, listen to me—” Beth pulled away, forcing taylor to look at her, cradling her face “you are not gonna stay here for us.” Even she was crying now “Lily doesn’t need you to stay. She needs you to show her what life can be. She needs to see her older succeed in all the ways that you have. You know how proud I am that she’s got you to look up to?”

“Why do I always have to let go of something in order to get something else? It’s not fair—”

“Oh love…” Beth stroked her hair, her expression filled with compassion and love “unfortunately life is that way sometimes. And possibly this won’t be the last time you’ve got to make a choice like this but as your father would tell you—whatever will be, will be.” Taylor rubbed her nose; she was a mess. “As long as we are terrifying of wanting, that’s when life gets us down. Losing Charlie, it will haunt me forever, but he always cheered for us to get what we wanted, didn’t he? He was such a believer in knowing what you want, with no fear or embarrassment. Always sad that you were so scared of admitting to your own wants.” She smiled, kissing her temple “go to Paris. Be with him, be with the team, whatever you want and that’s when you’ll find balance.”

Taylor nodded and fell in her arms, in the back of her mind, thinking it was her father, that was holding her. She sank in the thought.

When everyone went to bed, she stayed in the living room, she had the lights low, the fireplace open. She was looking at the pictures, her t-shirt laid on the couch, while her computer stayed open on the table, on a booking website for airplane tickets. It was a simple and she’d go back, not necessarily to stay but to get a taste, she if she wanted or even if she could stay. She let down the pictures, leaned forward on the computer and clicked it.

No one said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.

“I think that’s me” she smiled. “I didn’t know I’d have a car waiting for me.”

“Monsieur Mbappe sent me. Did you have a nice flight?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Follow me mademoiselle.”

“Merci.”

He led her out on the parking lot, towards a large black van. Little extra she thought but she kinda liked it too. He helped her put her bags on the back and then opened the door—

“AH!” She screamed as confetti sprayed on her face. She held on her chest and looked to her right, Neymar was sitting there, laughing. She laughed as well, the fear turning into nostalgia and happiness of seeing him again. But she could hear another laugh too and when she looked to her left, she saw Kylian, sitting by the window, smiling. “You are monsters.” She mumbled and launched herself at Neymar, giving him the tightest hug, she could master. He rubbed her back, holding her close to him. The two never even got to say a proper goodbye. He kissed her cheek and pulled back a little while the driver started the car.

“It’s nice to see you again Princessa!”

She smiled “Missed ya.”

“’m sorry about your Pa.”

She held back, of all the people she had heard saying the same thing, she knew that Neymar genuinely meant it. Suddenly she had no idea how to answer him. Thank God for Kylian that decided to interrupt, waving his hand in between them.

“Alright, I’m part of the surprise too, you know?”

She looked at him, how he sat across from them in this luxurious van, that was defiantly too much just to drive her home. Neymar gave her a little push, encouraging her to go sit next to him instead. She reached for Kylian’s hand and got up, he pulled her to his side, immediately igniting electricity between them. They looked in each other’s eyes, Kylian’s hand moved to her hair, picking out some of he confetti that had stuck on her hair, taking his time.

“Good flight?”

“Yeah. But I’m exhausted, please tell me you haven’t planned anything.”

“Nothing.” She narrowed her eyes. She had never met anyone with a better poker face than Kylian. “Galtier wants to see you tomorrow though.”

She groaned “god I don’t wanna have that conversation.”

“I’m sure it’ll be ok.” He smiled.

She wanted to kiss him. Taste him. She was struggling to stay appropriate.

“Man, just kiss already. You can cut the tension with a knife.”

She laughed, embarrassed at herself and leaned on Kylian’s shoulder, hiding herself. It was so weird to her that Neymar knew the whole truth, no matter how close to him she was. Kylian kissed her head, then his lips traced down to her cheek. Urging her to tilt her head back a little, so he’d be able to kiss her. Such an intimate moment, it was odd, doing it publicly for the first time.

“I’m glad you are here.” He whispered.

“Me too” she smiled.

They reached Kylian’s house a while after, Kylian and Neymar helped her carry her bags upstairs and they talked about all the games she had missed ever since she left, and how bad things had gotten with the management. None of the players were really happy about the situation. Taylor expected to meet darkness as Kylian opened the door, instead she was faced by screaming, balloons and drinks and familiar faces that were there to surprise her. She gasped, instantly reaching for Kylian’s hand. She laughed as she saw Leo, clapping for her, next to his Wife Antonella. Ramos and Kimpembe were also there, both of them holding a glass of beer in their hands.

“¡bienvenido de nuevo!” smiled Leo, approaching her slowly and giving her a comforting embrace.

“This wasn’t necessary.” She mumbled on his shoulder.

Ramos came and patted her shoulder, pulling her out of Leo’s arms into his and holding her tightly, almost suffocating her. “Missed you chipmunk!” She laughed at the name, who would have guessed that she would have missed hearing it. Then she heard a loud horn in her ear and she jumped away, turning around and seeing Kimpembe, laughing his ass off along with Neymar. She would have chased him if it wasn’t for his injury, she settled for chasing Neymar around the room instead, until she reached Kimpembe again and threw herself at him, embracing him. Each of the boys gave different kind of hugs, his was warm and comforting, like you were being hugged by your childhood friend.

“Stop scaring me.” She complained

“Can’t make any promises.”

As he drew away he noticed a little black shadow moving in the distance “Luna!” she gasped and went to pick her up. The cat tried to get away but Taylor picked her up, spinning her around and smooshing her face on her fur.

The next person that welcomed her was Marquinhos.

“How you doin’ cap?”

“It’s been shit around here!”

She smiled “I can see that.”

He hesitated “we need to talk, tomorrow when you get to campus.”

“I already have Galtier to worry about, must I have you too?”

“Yes.” He smiled.

Last person she saw was Verratti, who was hesitant to get near her at first. She caught him glancing a few times, decided that she could make the first move instead. She approached, holding her wine in her hand. “I don’t bite, you know?”

He smiled, thinking about it “maybe you should.” He said, while looking down. She had never seen him as shy before. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

She felt something in her heart lightening, a sense of relief after hearing his apology “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I’m the one that got her in the conferences, I didn’t think— The things she wrote about us nit trusting you, I should have never said them, but it was before I got to know you. I didn’t believe any of it by the time she published—"

“Do you know what Kylian did to stop her from writing the other article?” she asked, he looked up. She could read the worry behind his eyes, like he wasn’t meant to talk about this at all. Taylor got closer. “Was it just money?” he didn’t respond, he’d look at her like a puppy. “Come on, you owe me that much, just tell me. What did he do?”

He chewed his bottom lip, glanced at Kylian to make sure he wasn’t listening and got closer “I don’t know the whole story. He asked me to meet her, so I set it up and then they were alone. Ann never contacted me again, next thing I know she’s transferred to France National team.”

She calculated everything he was telling her. If Kylian had pulled strings to get her on the National team, it means he owed people favors and what’s worse it meant that sooner or later he’d bump onto her again. “So, you think he paid her?”

“I think it’s very likely.”

Taylor shot Kylian a look from across the room, he waved at her, smiling. Ignorant to the truths she had just learned.

Neymar and Leo were the last ones to leave. That way no one knew that Taylor never left Kylian’s apartment that night, except the ones that already knew the whole truth. Taylor was seating on the couch, leaning on its arm, while waving at the men. Kylian shut the door, slowly turning to her direction and smiling at her. “you ok?”

“Yeah” she smiled, nodding. He though she looked very adorable in that moment and walked over to her, kneeling in front of the outside arm of the couch. “it was nice to see all of them.” She reached for hoodie of sweatshirt, pulling him closer. “it’s nice to feel missed too.”

“You’ll see the rest of them tomorrow. I’ll drive you to campus, I have a meeting with the medics for my leg.”

“Evaluation?”

“Yeah, for Bayern game.”

She grinned, leaning her head to the side. “You know I’m never gonna be assistant coach on PSG again, right? Even if Galtier offers.”

He didn’t react to her question, like he had come to terms with that revelation before she even had to say it. “That doesn’t mean you can’t use your time there in order to build a fresh career.”

She cupped his face “I’m gonna open the website again. Under my name this time, I’ll focus on champions league.”

“My greatest rival is making a return?” He joked and she laughed, leaning her head on his.

“Yeah, and he is gonna be extra brutal this time around.” He gave her a peck, letting her know it was ok. If anything, he missed the motivation he’d get from all her articles.

“You want help setting it up?”

“No,” she shook her head “I’ll figure it out. Although I’ll build it way more professionally than it was before PSG. Maybe get my own Magazine?” she smiled as she said that last part.

“Look at you getting all excited.”

She shrugged “Pa was right. I’ve been terrified of wanting, dreaming big, taking risks without calculating every single move.”

He pushed her hair away from her ear. “And what do you want?”

She smirked, leaning closer “Long term, or short term?”

“Let’s go with long term first.” He played along. She placed her arms around his neck, looking away and pretending she was in deep thought.

“Long term I want my name to be remembered in this sport. Not sure how yet, but I want to write my way through until I reach exactly where I’m supposed to be. Maybe coaching again, in another team. Maybe in Barcelona—” she laughed as she said it, and he pecked the laugh away. Deepening the kiss, so he’d let her know that it wasn’t funny at all. It was possible, she could do anything she set her mind to, even softening, the insecure arrogant golden boy.

“What about short term?” he mumbled to her lips, giving it a light bite.

“You” she said in a quick breath, and he picked her up the next second, taking her to his bedroom. Their lips wouldn’t separate as he laid her on the bed, taking off her and his clothes like it was a reflex. There was something different about the way their bodies connected with one another after the night in her house, it wasn’t just sex, it wasn’t just pleasure, it was a need, it was love from both even if they’d never say it out loud. She feels pleasurably crushed under the weight of his power over her and her touch, her smell it had a narcotic sense for him, killing him and reviving him repeatedly and she is here. In his bedroom. In his space. What he’d do to keep her forever, he thought as his hands slid down her entire body, by now his palm was familiar with it, like her lines were scarred on his skin and every time he touched her, they fit together like puzzle pieces. She let out a moan, a breath of lust in his ear while he removed her underwear, uncovering her deepest desire; to feel him. He didn’t let her wait too long, he was inside her and she hoped she’d hear him saying it again. His way of saying I love you. She wanted to hear it but he didn’t say it and she never asked.

When they were done, she’d leave kisses on his chest and his arms, she couldn’t stop herself, it was like she could never get enough. Kylian would run his hands through her hair, that had gotten noticeably longer from the first time he met her.

“I think I’m developing an addiction to your body.” She confessed and his chest vibrated under her with laughter.

“That makes two of us.”

She placed her chin on the space between his breasts and raised her eyes, looked at him through her eyelashes, biting her lips.

“You know what they say about addictions.”

“We’ll be fine.” He reassured her.

“Do you ever think about how we got here?” she asked, snaking herself over him, her thumbs stroking the sides of his face. She realized she had never told him about how cute his cheekbones were, especially when he smiled. She leaned down and kissed his nose. “Such a pain in my ass” she mumbled.

“Still am!” he said proudly, slapping her right ass cheek and getting a laugh out of her as she dropped herself on him and he engulfed her in his arms. She kissed his neck, an open mouth kiss.

“Marcus told me about Ann.” She said on his skin, he closed his eyes. “he told me she was transferred on National, head writer. You wouldn’t have anything to do with it—” she raised her head and balanced it on her hand, her elbow deepening against the mattress. He tilted his head on the side to look at her. “Would you?”

“Does it matter?”

“Of course, it does Kylian. You’ll have to be around her eventually, work with her, you think she is not gonna pull something like this again?” He turned his head to the ceiling; she instantly cupped it with her hand and forced him to look at her. “I don’t like you owing people like her favors because of me—and god knows how much money you gave her!”

“Why do you care so much about the money?”

“Because it feels like my integrity has been sold!” she explained. Lowering her head, embarrassed at herself. He hated seeing her like this, unable to help “I wanna give you half of it, at least.” He laughed at that, looking away. She slapped his shoulder “I’m being fucking serious Kylian! Stop laughing—” but he didn’t stop, although he tried. He looked at her.

“I didn’t give her any money—”

“I know you are lying!”

“Even if I did, you wouldn’t have to pay a dime—”

“Oh for fuck’s shake.” She got off the bed and put on his long shirt to cover herself, he tried to pull on the shirt to drag her down again but she slapped his hand off and walked in the bathroom.

“Babe!” he called and looked at the bathroom door, expecting her to show up again. She didn’t. he heard the water running instead. “Amor!” the word slipped his lips before he could think about it, like it was exactly what he was always meant to be calling her.

She heard it despite the running water. She was already knelt on the cold marbles on the floor when he said it, holding on the faucet lever, while the water was filling up the tub that they had used as a hiding place way too many times.

“I see it with Ney and his boy and the public relationships he has had in the past. It’s scary. To think that you will always bring discomfort to the ones you love. Sometimes it stops you from loving them enough.”

Could he ever lover her enough? Could she ever love him, she wondered what it’d be like. She heard him coming in, lowering his body behind her and then kissing the back of her neck and shoulder. She turned the water off and turned her body so she’d face him. He smiled at her, their forehead meeting halfway.

“I’m sorry” she whispered, looking anywhere but his eyes, his lifted her chin up with his finger, encouraging her to lock eyes with me and when she did, he leaned and kissed her. Not that her apology was necessary but he accepted it anyway. Then he pulled her into him, let their bodies tangle on the floor of the bathroom.

PSG TRAINING CAMPUS – GALTIER’S OFFICE

Her hands were sweating and she wished Kylian and Neymar were by her side. She’d mumble motivational speeches under her breath to keep herself encouraged and knocked on the door. Galtier called for her to come in shortly after and she stepped in the office, pretending like she had her shit together. Galtier got up when he saw her and walked around his desk to go to her. He took her hand in his and gave it a light shake.

“Ms. Wilock. My condolences for your father.”

“Thank you.” She smiled.

“Come, sit.” He pointed at the chair and walked back to his desk, to take his rightful place. “How you think we are doing without you so far?” he asked jokingly and Taylor sat down, smiling.

“Struggling?”

He was unprepared for her brutal honesty. He had forgotten she rarely filtered her thoughts before speaking them out loud.

“What about you without us?”

She snorted “It was odd adjusting back to a normal life away from the boys, however if this is about me coming back, it’s not happening.” Silence settled between them. He clicked his lips, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He smiled.

“I wasn’t going to offer you a place back on the coaching team. I was hoping you were open to other options”

“Like what?”

Galtier reached on the cupboard under his desk and took out a file, leaving it on top of the desk. He pushed it towards her. Taylor opened it and saw documents of young players. One of them was Kylian’s brother,

“We want you to work in the Academy. You can help us build the foundations. That way we can still keep you around and you’ll have a job that you can balance with writing and help while you’re here in Paris.”

She looked up at him “Did Kylian put you up to this?”

“no one can put me up to anything Ms. Wilock. You should know that by now.” He stood up “you got till tomorrow to give us an answer—”

“Sir, I don’t know how long I’m staying in Paris.”

“Perhaps this will tempt you to stay longer than you have planned.” She got up, unable to find the right words to argue. “I understand our first attempt of a partnership created problems” he raised his hand “you needn’t explain. But we would be foolish not to use you while we still can. So…” he walked around the desk to her, led her to his door while he spoke “Think about it, get back to me tomorrow.” Before she could even form a sentence she was out the door, standing like a lost kid in the mall where her parents had left her. She wasn’t even sure who was close to her when she exited his office, she just knew that he had shut the door and left her on the other side alone. She gulped, trying to imagine herself a teacher, well, it wasn’t much different, was it? Suddenly she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders and looked up. Kylian stood before her, a smile on his face. He knew, she thought. He was probably the one that planned it.

“So?” he asked hopefully. He must have realized that she wasn’t enjoying this as much as he was because his smile melted away and turned to worry just a few minutes later “You said no?”

“I didn’t say anything.” She responded quickly.

“Why not? It will pay good, it won’t take a lot of your time and you can leave anytime you want until you find something better.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you had this planned?” He bit his tongue. Let out a deep breath and made a step back. “I wasn’t prepared for this, returning to PSG is not something I wanted, I told you I wanted out—” he scoffed.

“I was just trying to help but I see now your decision is already made! Obviously you don’t care as much!” He turned to leave but she pulled his hand, keeping him in his place.

“That’s what you think? That I don’t wanna stay in PSG because I don’t care about you?” she hissed, moving closer so only he would hear. He didn’t respond and so she took that as an initiative to walk away.

PARKING LOT – LATER

Kylian headed to his car, Taylor’s words still echoing in his head. He didn’t expect to find her leaning on his vehicle and waiting for him but there she was, Neymar by her side, the two of them laughing about something like they used to. He approached slowly, fearing that she might disappear if he got too close to fast. But she smiled when she saw him, probably not to give any hints of their previous fight to Neymar.

“Left the girl waiting, man.” Joked Neymar.

Kylian looked at taylor “didn’t know she was waiting.”

Taylor forced a smile and nodded her head “I’m cold, let’s go.” She gave Neymar a quick kiss on the cheek and when Kylian wasn’t expecting she took his car keys and unlocked the car, getting on the driver’s seat before he could stop her. She got comfortable, smiling. Kylian gave her a confused look and got closer to the window.

“What are you doing?”

“I wanna drive!”

“Since when?”

“I have to start getting used to Paris streets.”

It took him a while for him to process what she said. He looked at Neymar, who in return patted his shoulder and told him to get in. He did just that. Sitting next to Taylor who started the engine like this had been her car all along. She was occupied trying to get used to the control panel and starting the car meanwhile he was staring at her. Suddenly he asked;

“Did you take the job?”

She smiled, maneuvered the car out of the parking spot while looking in the review mirror “I wasn’t going to. Then my boss called, he said he knew I was in Paris and wanted me to write an interview on Messi.”

“Doesn’t sound that bad.” He mumbled.

“That’s what I said” They were out on the highway now, Kylian had just started realizing that he wasn’t on the wheel, it was her and he started getting anxious because he had never really seen her drive before. He put on his seatbelt when he noticed her holding the steering wheel a little to tight and stepping on the gas while they waited for the red light to turn green. “Then he said; how about a day in the life of Antonella and Lionel Messi, your girlfriends are gonna love that.” When the light turned green, Taylor started driving fast, Kylian held on the door. His breathing getting quicker. “to which I said, how about you go fuck yourself—”

“Tay! Eyes on to road—”

“That’s where my eyes are! Paris streets, with you. And to be honest why don’t you go fuck yourself as well Kylian!”

“What did I do?” he complained but he knew she didn’t really meant it!

“You’re not an asshole anymore and it’s pissing me off because now all of a sudden I wanna stay with you—”

“Hold up—”

“No! I’m not holding up, I’m driving!”

“Babe—”

“Let me finish for fuck’s shake, you rambling, stupid idiot!”

“Are these supposed to be words of affirmation?” the volumes had gone up both of them yelling for no apparent reason.

“Yes! Cause that’s how it is with us, isn’t it?”

“It’s red!”

“I SEE IT!”

“The house was the other way!”

“Shut up!” she yelled.

“mon dieu, elle va nous tuer tous les deux” he mumbled and looked out of his window.

“I’m not killing anybody and yes I understand French now so cut it out- and listen for ones—you’re so convinced I wanted to leave PSG because I didn’t care or feel enough about you—” she scoffed “did it ever cross your arrogant little mind that maybe it cause I care about you enough—”

“What kind of logic is that—”

“Excuse me am I done speaking—”

“You made a pause!”

“I did not make a pause! My lips are still moving—you cut me off—and for you information it’s the kind of logic that I can find other teams like psg, psg is replaceable—you are not!” she stopped the car abruptly in front of a red light, Kylian moving a little forward. Silence. Just the car sounds filling the emptiness. He looked at her in awe, he wanted to kiss her right there and then. She was avoiding his eyes at any cost, staring at the red light as its color reflected on her face. Red as the wine she tasted on his lips, red as lipstick he loved seeing her in.

“What way’s the house?”

“Second to the right.” He said, still staring at her.

“Good.” She mumbled, still avoiding him.

They stayed like that until they reached the house, she parked the car next to all his other cars and turned the engine off, now there was not a single sound to focus on so she could ignore his burning stares. She got out of the car, shutting the door so loud that it made him jump. He got out a moment later and stood next to her, waiting for the elevator. She got in first when the doors opened and leaned against the mirror, he mimicked her and the two waited again. Always waiting, she thought. She was tired of it. Finally, they reached his floor and Kylian stepped forward she he’d unlock the door, she followed behind him, leaving all her stuff on the couch and heading in the kitchen immediately after to serve herself a nice glass of red wine. He hesitated before going in too, staying behind her.

“Cherie—”

“Don’t, please.” She whispered. Leaving her glass down and turning to face him “don’t say anything.” She moved closer “I’m so tired of us talking and analyzing everything only so we can get it wrong every fucking time—it shouldn’t be this hard!” She put her hands behind his neck, stroking it gently and pulling him in.

“It’s not!” he said, holding her face in his palm.

She looked at his lips, “kiss me then.”

“Don’t have to ask me twice” he smiled and leaned in, connecting his lips with hers. Then in the middle of the kiss she smiled, gripping on his shirt.

“I took the job.” She said and he pulled away to look at her face, unable to hide his smile and enjoyment. He picked her up, spinning her around on his kitchen while he understood why the city under him, that he had watched endless nights by himself, was called the city of love.

1 WEEK IN / KYLIAN'S HOUSE

Kylian dropped himself in the couch, holding a big bowl of chips on his hands while Taylor had her attention split between the Television, watching the first leg of Chelsea Vs. Dortmund and her computer where she’d write her notes.

“They said I could give it a try for a while.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” She responded, her eyes following the players on the screen. Waiting for halftime.

“You say that as a journalist or a girlfriend?” he asked. First time he had every used that word around her. She looked at him, her eyes remaining calm.

“Both. It’s a risk.” Kylian slid closer to her, reaching his arm behind her neck and leaning in. “I’m working.” She said and looked back at the screen. Just a few minutes until halftime. He kissed her shoulder.

“I hate you watching your ex when you’re with me.”

A grin ghosted over her face but she tried to hold it down. She continued typing, struggling to remain focused with Kylian’s breathing washing over her, his tongue sometimes messing with her ear, her skin… she started typing faster, with more pressure on the keyboard, biting her bottom lip as hard as she could. He finger creeped up around her, stroking her arm. The referee whistled for half time and taylor closed the cap on her computer and leaving it on the coffee table, turning to him, taking the bowl out of his hands and pushing him back so she’d be over him. He slapped her butt cheek, enjoying the view. “told you I’m working.”

“It’s lunch break.” He smiled and she lowered her head to kiss him, a heated kiss, proof that she didn’t care about mason’s thighs as much as she cared for his. She let her body fall in his and he took her weight, enjoying how it feels to have her on him, to be pressured by her. Her hand reached down to his thigh and he hissed as it made contact with his sore spot.

“I still think it’s a bad idea.”

He smiled “I’m gonna be ok.”

“You can’t play a whole game.”

“I wasn’t. I’ll just be on standby in case the need me.” He enjoyed the view of her eyes, his thumb going in circles on her cheekbone. “how’s it going with the kids?”

“You got lots of talent in the academy. Missing a little bit of discipline.” She smiled.

“Anyone ready for the big game?”

“Absolutely not. If it was up to me not even Ektike would have joined.” She rubbed her nose with his “there is one that reminds me of you.”

He grinned “you don’t say.”

“He’s got talent. And character. Lots of it.”

He knew exactly who she meant.

“Your brother’s gonna be a star one day.”

“That’s what I keep telling him. You two getting along?”

“Yeah. Unlike you he listens. I appreciate that about him.”

He laughed but she cut his laugh short by giving him a deep kiss. She kissed his cheek too and then hid her face on the crook of his neck, embracing his body completely. He kissed her hair.

“I saw you two together this morning. I wanted to join.”

“Its best that you didn’t.” she mumbled on his neck.

“I know.” He let his fingers wander up and down her spine “but that’s not the point. I wanted to say, I really liked the view.”

“Of me and your brother?”

” Yeah. And he really likes you, you know?”

“Does he know about us?”

“No. but I think I’d like it if he knew.”

“Not yet.”

“Ok.”

Taylor had to watch the rest of the game on a streaming platform the next day because eventually she fell asleep in his arms. It was one of the few times that they slept together without making love to each other first. Like they were building new routines together that weren’t involving only their bodies but their hearts too. And after she watched the game, she got ready to see her boys playing against Bayern. She was screaming from her seat, annoyed and disappointed at the same time. Anything she had managed to build with them was falling apart. There was hope when she saw Kylian joining, the last 15 minutes and she was scared he’d hurt himself bur also proud—

“WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL? THAY WASN’T EVEN OFFSIDE!” She yelled. It was so loud that Antonella sitting next to her, jumped in her seat and pulled her hand to force her to sit down again. Taylor crumbled in her chair and puffed her cheeks, annoyed at the turn of events.

When the game was over Antonella helped her get on locker rooms, but even from outside she could hear everyone shouting at each other. She could recognize Kylian’s voice, speaking in French and cursing and even Messi was taking shots at people. Before the two women could get in the door slammed open and Neymar walked out, moving passed them without even saying anything. She could see Kylian in the corner arguing with Galtier and she decided to stay out of it until that conversation ended very heatedly also and Kylian walked out of the room even more made that Neymar was. She watched him and followed him until the reached the rooftop. She got a weird sense of déjà vu as she got up there, remembering the first night they ever looked in each other’s eyes with care.

“KY!” She yelled and waited for him to turn to her but he didn’t. He leaned on the marble wall and watched at the view beneath him, slapping his hand. She walked next to him, reaching for his arm. “What happened?”

“Il n'y a pas de connexion, il n'y a pas de gestion. Galtier ne fait rien pour aider et je suis fatigué. On m'avait promis quelque chose de plus et c'est vraiment horrible. Et personne ne fait rien pour y remédier !”

“Kylian slow down, I have no idea what you are saying—”

“I’m saying I want out!”

She made a step back as he said, her eyes softening and taking him in. She moved forward confidently and hugged him. She wanted to give him any comfort she could. He accepted the embrace and shrunk himself on her arms. “I’m tired” he confessed.

“I know.” She rubbed his back “let’s go home.”

2 WEEKS IN / KYLIAN'S HOUSE

He could feel the light from the computer warming his eyes despite the hour of the night and having his back on her. He turned around slightly, peaking at her and whatever she was writing. “You gonna sleep anytime soon?”

“Sure” she said but her eyes didn’t mover her eyes from the screen. Kylian checked on his phone on the night stand, it was already 3am and she had to be up in 4 hours for her class. He turned around completely facing her. He lifted his head and balanced it on his head, watching her.

“How about now?”

“Sleep, Kylian!” she told him

“I will when you do.”

“Have to finish this.”

“Why?”

“I just started rebuilding my platform. I can’t miss deadlines”

“You are the one that sets the deadlines.”

“I need to be consistent and you need to sleep, you have a game tomorrow.”

“You have a class before the game”

“God created coffee for a reason!”

“You’re not supposed to be drinking a lot of caffeine!”

Her fingers stopped on the keyboard. She narrowed her eyes, looked at him. “How do you know that?”

He looked away from her eyes “I spoke with one of the medics that has your history… I’m just trying to make sure history won’t repeat it’s self.” His gaze returned to her and she couldn’t really make out her expression, if she was touched by his gesture or if he had overstepped. Then she closed her eyes, like she was thinking. “You never speak about it. I never know what’s going on, how am I supposed to know if you need anything—”

She shut off her computer and left it on the side of the bed, leaning and kissing the fear off his lips, so he’d taste her appreciation instead.

“I never talk about it, cause its my life, its my routine. I never had to share it with anyone before, I’m not used to it.” She explained “but you can ask me anything, anytime.”

He pecked her lips. “Good to know you wanna share it. Are you gonna sleep now?”

She kissed his nose “no, but I’ll go on the living room so you can rest.” She went to move away but he pulled her hand, holding her close to him, he tangled his legs with hers and held her arms, moving as closer to her as possible “sleep. Please.” She sighed in his arms and closed her eyes; his warmth was tempting. His ocean hypnotizing. She smiled. She scratched his arm, her nails trailing over his veins. Funny, how much safety you could feel in another person’s arms.

“This could work” she said “my website. I’ve been getting follows on tiktok and more reads and it’s better now that I’m not hiding behind a nickname.”

He kissed the spot under hear ear “this could work too.” She tilted her head at him and he kissed her cheek.

“yeah I think it could.” She smiled.

Next morning Kylian left for his game, with a weird sense of happiness in his chest. The team had been through a hard couple of weeks and fights in the locker rooms but everyone seemed to be confident for win on this game against LOSC. The game started with a bang, and she couldn’t hold her excitement when she saw Kylian scoring the first goal. She wished she was down on the pitch like when she was assistant coach so she could run to them. Instead, she was up, on the vip section, supposedly invited by Messi, in reality she was there for Kylian. The happiness melted away when she saw Neymar tumbling on the ground, holding on his ankle. She jumped from her seat and watched while they carried him away “shit” she cursed under her breath, picked up all her stuff and put on her jacket.

“where you going?” Asked Antonella.

“Tell him I’ll be with Ney if he asks.”

She stayed with him on the medical room they had in the stadium, she was there to hear the bad news and when the doctors left, she held his hand while he cried. They moved him to his house before the game was even over, taylor drove with them.

“In what capacity?” asked the man in charge.

“she’s my personal coach.” Neymar said quickly. A lie technically, a truth for him.

She stayed with him, the medicine they had given him started to kick in slowly and she sat next to his bed, reading him messages he had gotten from family members.

“I’m tired.” He said and she could remember Kylian saying the same thing. Almost like this team was sucking the life out of them all. She used one of the wet towels the doctors left to wipe the sweat on his temple. She never thought, she’d have a brother to care for as much as she cared for Neymar.

“get some sleep. The boys will be here soon. I’ll let you know, if there are any updates on your exams, I’ll let you know.”

“Did we win?”

“Yeah. Leo made the win certain. It was a great goal.”

He forced a smile on his face and closed his eyes, laid his head on the side and eventually drifted off in the hypnosis of the pills.

It was about an hour later that Kylian and Leo came. Neymar’s house keeper let them in, and they walked upstairs to find both of them asleep on their respectable place. Kylian shook his head when he saw the position Taylor was sleeping in on the couch, half certain she’d get horrible neck pain. He walked over to her, shaking her gently. Taylor shot her head up, looking around until her eyes met Kylian’s.

“I’ve been calling you.”

“Sorry.” She murmured, stretching her body “out of battery”. She noticed Leo standing next to her and got up, rubbing her eyes. “He’s gonna need you.”

“I know.”

“What did the doctors say?” Asked Kylian.

“He might need surgery. He can let it heal by itself but there’s a risk something like that will happen again.”

He ran a hand down his face. “He’s missing the entire season?”

Leo shook his head, his hands placed on his hips and biting his tongue.

“Like I said; he’s going to need you.”

Kylian approached her, his hand creeping in on the small of her back. He kissed, the back of her head.

“You two go, I’ll stay with him.”

“Doctor’s are supposed to call by the end of the day, the phone’s there.” She pointed at Neymar’s nightstand and then at the bowl on the floor. “that’s for his cold sweat. Rub his head a couple of times, just be make sure he’s ok and if he wakes up the house keeper made soup for him and um—” she searched in her pocket and took out a small note “that’s in case he needs a nurse but you can call me too if he needs something—.”

“Tay—” Kylian squeezed her shoulders “he’ll be ok.”

She looked back at him and nodded, even though she didn’t really believe it.

They drove in his house later, taylor got out of her clothes as quickly as she could, huffing and puffing.

“Want me to get the water running?”

She glanced at him “Please.”

When he left the room, taylor opened her computer, she forgot she had left the website rentals open. Trying to take her mind off Neymar she started checking the Parisian apartments, knowing she’d need a bigger one for when Beth and Lily came to visit. She didn’t sense Kylian approaching her, standing behind her and seeing her research. “what are you looking for?”

She glanced between him and her screen “what does it look like?”

“Look like you are looking for an apartment, which makes no sense because you’re already staying here.”

She lowered her eyebrows, turned on her seat so she’d be looking on his side of the couch. “when did we agree that?”

“I thought the last two weeks made it obvious.”

She smiled “that’s sweet but I can’t stay here forever.”

“Why not?”

She laughed, unable to process that he was being serious “we’ve barely been together for two weeks and now we are moving in?” she sat on her knees to be as closer to his height as possible “are you out of your mind?”

“Is it more logical for you to be paying 1.500 euros a month for an apartment you’ll barely be in?”

She pushed his shoulder “what is that supposed to mean?”

He brushed her hair with his fingers “you know exactly what it’s supposed to mean!”

She blushed, lowering her head to hide her smile. He grinned at her reaction and reached for her hands “Beth and lily can come visit anytime they want.” She was always surprised at how well he read her mind. Stayed looking at him, expecting him to start laughing or something but he didn‘t. “come on, we’ll discuss it later, lets have a bath.” He pulled her hand and she got up, walking around the couch and letting him lead them to their bathroom.

“You never told me bout your big dream.” She said, the candles in the bathroom setting the mood for deep conversations. The two of them seating on each end of the bathtub across from each other, their legs touching under the water.

“hm?”

“Mine was Barcelona. What is yours? Cause if it’s just psg we have a problem.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “PSG could be more, you know?”

“It could. It doesn’t want to.”

He didn’t respond, leaned his head back and looked at the ceiling.

She rubbed his knee with her toe, comforting him. “I’ve heard something about Real Madrid, does it still stand?”

“It’s where I wanted to end up. But dreams change right?”

“Is that an excuse to stay at Paris?”

“I don’t know maybe.” He admitted.

“I think it’s easy, staying. You are comfortable. You’re the golden child while you are in Paris, the main star, anything else feels like a jungle to you.”

“Feels like I am building something with PSG, breaking records, making history. Like it could be something big for me and for them—”

She smiled and moved under the water closer to him. He opened his arms for her, welcoming her in his embrace, as she sat on his lap and stayed close to him. “Feels to me like you are just trying to build castles in the sand to me.” Her thumb stroked his cheekbone. “PSG promised you something and they are not delivering. It’s falling apart and it’s taking you down with it. No just you, all of the players.” She ran her fingers through his hair, massaging it gently and he closed his eyes, enjoying it “you’ll never show your true potential there, no one can because there’s not foundations to help players like you or Leo or Ney.” She sighed “I saw it while I was on the coaching staff and when I met Nssr.”

“You never told me how that went.”

“It was horrible.” She blurted out. Remembering the dinner and how shaken up she was when she left. “Because it proved to me how little respect there is for the sport.” She paused, biting her lip “I was wrong about you before I joined.” He widened his eyes and she smiled at his reaction “Don’t get all cocky, I wasn’t wrong about everything I still think you are an arrogant idiot—” he laughed “but they are worst. Point is… they got 3 of the best players in the world and they don’t know how to use them or discipline them” she scratched his chest gently while his hands made their way to her back, ghosting over her skin, sometimes going more down than they should. “Because they don’t want to discipline them. They just want to use them for promo… they don’t care about the game.”

“Is this you telling me you’re leaving?”

She gazed in his eyes, chewing her cheek from the inside “being in the academy I see how things work from the bottom and it’s just as corrupt as it on the top. So, yes, first chance I get and I’m out of there. And you should do the same.” She slipped closer “otherwise you are wasting a career for a glass house.”

3 WEEKS IN / KYLIAN'S HOUSE

“Their plane lands during the game.”

“Who organized that?” Asked Kylian, taking out the orange box from the fridge. Taylor was making eggs for both while he was setting up the table. A whole new routine that they had developed in the last week.

“They didn’t know smartass.” She said, putting the eggs on their plates and placing them on the table. They sat across from each other, taylor was surprised when she saw her pills next to her glass. She gave Kylian a quick look but he was oblivious to how much that meant to her. She doubted if he had even realized he did it, nowadays he would just take care of her automatically.

“I can send a car to pick them up.”

“No, lily is not gonna like that, she wants me to be there.” She looked at him “I’m sorry I know it’s supposed to be your big day tomorrow. Wanted to be there for the one hundred and first”

He chuckled “Ah it ok, you can go with the car then and I’ll meet you here after the game.” He kissed her cheek as he passed by her “You’ll be there for the one hundred and second.”

She smiled “How am I supposed to get in though if you’re still in the game?”

“I’ll make you a spare key today.” He was looking at his eggs while he spoke, like he didn’t just throw a bomb at her. Like the answer was simple as that.

“A key?” she asked.

He glanced up at her.

“for me?”

He took a big bite and chewed on it, ignoring the way she looked at him “I’ll tell Martha to make the spare room for the girls so it’s ready for tomorrow.”

“Can we go back to the Key please?”

He finally looked up, but he was confused “why you so worried about a key? You’re gonna need one anyway when I’m in Munich.” He filled his mouth with a last piece of bread and picked up his dish, putting quickly on the dishwasher. “Are you ready—” he stopped “why aren’t you eating your food—come on, we need to leave!” She looked at her dish and realized it was still there, the whole of it.

“Trying to swallow other things…” she mumbled.

He gave her a quick kiss before running into the bedroom. She looked at her pills and drank them down with her juice, wishing it was vodka instead.

He made her the spare key just like he said in the afternoon, she looked at it the whole night, while he was sleeping right next to her. Her computer laid on the edge of the bed, open on a page about PSG. Behind it was the unfinished article she was writing about the whole of PSG, starting from the management to the things she had seen during the academy. And over it the notifications she would get on social media would pop up, nonstop, her reads and reactions always going up.

She closed the computer and left it on the night stand, leaving the key on top of it and erased any distance between them by tying herself around him and listening to his sleepy breaths.

Little did she know, he was awake and he was at peace, finally having her as close. Little did she know, he knew exactly why she was freaking out about the key.

PARC DE PRINCE – THE NEXT NIGHT

“In the mood to break some records?” Asked Leo, coming up behind him while he was tying his shoelaces. Kylian glanced back at him smiling. He stood up, shaking off his nerves, he blew his cheeks.

“Always in the mood for that.”

Leo winked at him and shook his hand. “Good luck then.”

“Do you ever miss this thrill in Barcelona?” he asked suddenly and his teammate thought about it.

He nodded “Of course I do.”

“It was easier there, wasn’t it?”

Leo laughed, lowering his head “yeah. Much easier. But that’s because it was home. Not because of the records.”

“So, it’s not the records you miss? Or being number one?”

“That part had it’s pleasure, but you can break records anywhere Kylian.” He shrugged, scratching the back of his head “it’s who you break them with that makes it special.”

His words echoed in his mind when he scored on the net, fireworks lighted up over him and everyone cheered for the golden boy. Leo was one of the first people to run to him, everyone jumped on him, congratulating him by pressing him on the ground. He looked for her on the crowd only to remember that she was never there.

When the game was over, he celebrated with his family, hugged his breath and tried to forget about the person missing. He took pictures with the award and the entire team, even Neymar was there with his messy ankle and Kimpembe, injured as well. He was too busy looking at camera and it was too late when he realized which little girl was running up to him but he saw Lily before he saw Taylor—

“Oh my—” he gasped as the little girl jumped on him and hugged him. Everyone around was confused about the intruder, security even tried to get her back until Kylian signaled them to stop. He handed his award to Ethan and picked up Lily, laughing. “What on earth are you doing here?” he asked, but his eyes were already searching for Taylor. She was in the distance with Beth next to her, walking up to him. Neymar had already joined Taylor, introducing himself to Beth. Lily poked his nose, to get back his attention.

“Are you the best now?” she asked, smiling.

“What do you think?”

She shook her head up and down quickly, laughing. He looked back at Taylor.

“Thought you’d go straight to the house.”

She shrugged her shoulders “turns out we made it right on time.”

“She wanted to surprise you.” Blurted out Lily and taylor rolled her eyes. He gazed at Beth, holding Lily with one hand so he could shake her hand with the other.

“it’s nice to see you again. This is my brother Ethan.”

Beth shook his hand, smiling “Nice to meet you.”

Taylor walked over to Ethan, placing her arm around his neck “he’s a star in the making. Ethan, this is my family. Beth and Lily.”

Ethan nodded “I’ve heard a lot about you.” He looked between Kylian and Taylor “from both of them.”

Taylor gazed at Kylian, surprised at his brother’s revelation. But before she could ask about it, Kylian’s parents showed up. His father, she had barely spoken to him during her time as coach. She pulled away from Ethan quickly and cleared her throat, intimidated by his presence.

“Miss Wilock, happy to see you around again.”

She didn’t expect that. She smiled “Thank you sir.”

“Who is this little girl?”

“She’s little Wilock.” Said Taylor.

“First time in Paris?” he asked and lily nodded while biting her finger, the way that kids too.

“Mine too,” said Beth. “We are both excited.”

“Well then, you can come with us. We were going for a celebration dinner, Kylian, you don’t mind, do you?”

“Are we going to the Eiffel tower?”

“No but it’ll be just as high.”

“Mum, can we go?”

Beth looked at taylor, taylor looked at Kylian, Kylian let his mouth fall open, secretly hoping taylor wouldn’t deny the offer.

“If it’s not a problem we’d love to.” Answered Beth.

Lily started jumping on Kylian’s arms and he let her down, letting her walk ahead with her mother. Ethan and Kylian’s father moved ahead too. Taylor glanced at Kylian, while they walked next to each other, making sure to keep some distance.”

“Does he know about us?”

“Nope.”

She drew a thin line with her lips “that’s gonna go well.”

“Just keep a straight face.” He said and gave her a smile of encouragement. She stopped when she felt her phone buzzing. She took it out of her back pocket and looked at the number, it was British. She tried to recall if she knew it from anywhere then she heard Kylian calling “are you coming?”

Her finger ghosted over the decline and the acceptation button, she hit decline and pushed the phone back in her pocket and ran behind Kylian.

HELLO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!! Next chapter is the last 😭 can you believe it? Then we have an epilogue and then we officially say goodbye to each other. What things to we have left to discover? The phone call and dinner with the two families? Kylian as captain on the french team? Two people finally admitting their feelings? I don't wanna say goodbye 😭😭😭 who has been here since ch1 or when did y'all join us? Let's go down memory lane if y'all agree. Please please leave your thoughts and comments as always, means the world to me.🥺 I love you forever and ever xx

She’d check the time, numerous times during the night. It was at 5am that she found the strength to roll away from his hold. She didn’t want to be in this room when the sun took it’s place on the sky, that would make it all too real for her. She changed into her clothes, somehow even as a shirt, he fit perfectly around her. She was cursed to have him on her back, whether it was metaphorical or literal. It didn’t take long before she saw his figure getting up, his hands pulling her back on his chest. She looked in the mirror, seeing clearly for the first time the crime she had committed. Why did she like it?

She was scared that if she said anything, she’d ruin it. They’d fight and they’d hurt each other. So she said nothing, she kissed him. One last taste of her favorite drug and she left his room like a thief. She almost made it to her room but as she made a turn on the hallway, she heard an odd laughter coming and she was met with an even odder sight. Neymar, On the floor, pale and half asleep with a very joyful Verratti by his side.

She approached them slowly, pulling down her hoodie. Neymar looked like death, while Verratti was laughing like a teenage boy.

“What’s going on here?”

Neymar moved a little in the sound of her voice. Verratti’s eyes beamed with excitement, his finger pointing at her. “IT’S MISS COACH!”

Taylor looked at Neymar, who seemed to be regretting all his life choices, she knelt beside him “ney?” she tried but he wasn’t really responding. Just humming. Verratti started pulling on her arm to get up but she wasn’t strong enough to hold both and she was more worried for Ney. He was completely out of it. She reached in her pocket for her phone and called Kylian.

“Miss me already—”

“I need help. Now. Neymar’s room.”

Kylian hanged up and went to find her. A few minutes later he was by her side. They gave each other a knowing look and he tried to get Verratti up while Taylor searched Neymar’s pockets for his key card. She found it and used it to open the door. Neymar, whose back was laid on the door fell backwards “SHIT” She yelled and bowed down to keep his head from hitting on the floor. She put his one arm around his neck and tried to get him up with all the strength she had. Kylian had already laid Verratti on the couch so he came to help her. They put him on his bed, taylor even tucked him under the covers while Kylian was taking of his shoes. She looked around the room, found a big bowl with pop corn next to the TV. She threw the pop corn on the garbage and left the bowl on the floor by his side. She Helped him lay on his side.

“when you throw up do it on the bowl. Last thing we need is for the maid telling stories of cleaning your puke.”

“I was mean to you.” Said Verratti from the other corner, lazily pointing at her. Kylian went back to him.

“What the ‘ell happened?” he asked, giving him a light slap.

“hey we were just drinking man! By the way don’t worry about the issue, I spoke with Ann—” Kylian stepped on his foot. Verratti screamed in pain. She looked at them for a moment before her eyes returned back to Neymar.

“Ney, are you sick?”

He nodded “JW gonna write about this, hm?” he poked her nose. His eyes half open. She took hold of his hand.

“JW won’t be writing about anything for a while.”

“I missed the penalty.”

She shook her head “is that why you’re like this?”

Neymar didn’t get to answer, his expression changed completely as he leaned forward, ready to puke. She lifted the bowl up to him, helped him hold it while his system was letting go of everything he had drank that night. She was looking away the whole time, her eyes finding Kylian’s. He rushed to her, replacing her hands on the bowl with his own.

“You don’t need to be here for this. Go to bed.” He said. But she refused. When Neymar was done she went and threw the puke on the toilet, flushing it down. Kylian joined her there. Taking the bowl from her hands again. “ill take care of them! Go!”

“Kylian, I got this. I just needed you to help me carry them.”

“This is not the first time one of us is cleaning each other’s shit. Junior has done the same for me, so has Marcus.”

“Taylor!” that was Neymar calling. She rushed back to his bed. Ignoring Kylian completely. When she knelt by his side again, he looked at her like a puppy “im sorry.” He mumbled. She wanted to cry just by seeing the pain in his eyes.

“It was just a penalty Ney. It doesn’t define you. Messi has missed lots, he is still the goat.”

“Why are you two together?” asked Verratti suddenly. Referring to Kylian and Taylor.

Kylian looked threateningly at him “Why aren’t you asleep yet?” he asked but it was more of a threat. Taylor on the other hand just kept her eyes on Neymar. Stroking his back. He started drifting of the way drunk people do. She could hear Kylian and Verratti bickering behind her.

“People are writing articles about you, you know!” said Verratti. That’s when she finally looked at him, narrowing her eyes.

“what articles?”

“Dunno.” He mumbled, getting more comfortable on the chair. “m sorry I was mean to you. I’ll make it up.”

She scoffed and returned her attention back to Ney. He looked like a kid. Kylian knelt behind her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

“ill stay here, go to your room.” He whispered and she twisted her head to look at him. Their faces so close to each other. He gave her a comforting smile. He squished her shoulder, holding himself back from kissing her head. “he’ll be fine. Promise.” She very subtly leaned back on him, both of them giving what little they could give to each other without being too obvious. His lips brushed on her hair. He helped her stand up and showed her to the door. She lingered there for a while, her eyes darting between Verratti and Neymar. They were both asleep now.

“Call me if anything happens.”

“I will.”

“make sure he doesn’t choke on his puke.”

“yes Ma’am”

She tried to look at Neymar again behind Kylian but he stepped in front her, blocking her view. He looked down her and then looked at the door, motioning for her to leave. She nodded, Kylian brushed his fingers with her before she turned around and left them alone in the room. Kylian rubbed his face with both hands and went to check on Neymar, who had started coughing again.

He tapped on his shoulder “you ok man?”

He nodded. Opened his eyes. Kylian got up, but his entire body froze when he heard him speak again “don’t fuck with her” he mumbled, His face half molded on the pillow. Kylian looked at him. Even in his state, his sentence came out as a terrifying warning. He didn’t continue the conversation. He laid on the other side of the bed, his head laying back on the wall. A heavy breath leaving his nose. Making a mental note in his head to talk with Verratti in the morning about the articles.

AIRPLANE – NEXT DAY

They tried to avoid each other as much as they could in the airport, usually caught up in conversations in different and separate groups. Taylor had her eye on Neymar the whole time, he’d barely look at her. When they got on the plane, Taylor went to put her handbag on the cupboard over her seat, suddenly she felt Kylian’s front on her back. His hands reaching for hers, as he helped her place her bag there. He gave her a little unnecessary push with his front on her ass, bringing them closer together, and let out an unnecessary breath on her hair. Meanwhile his fingers lingered a little too long on hers.

“thanks” she whispered.

“no problem.” He said and moved away from her. She took the seat next to the window, watching as the team members walking in the small hallway. She put up her head when she saw Ney and called for him.

“sit with me!”

Neymar seemed hesitant at first but sat next to her, getting comfortable. There was an awkward silence between them. She started tapping her leg on the ground, making sounds with her mouth to fill it.

“rough night?” she asked.

Neymar snorted, looking down like a guilty kid. She smiled and nudged him on the shoulder. “are you embarrassed of me?” she asked. He shrugged his shoulders. “Junior, come on! You know how many times Trish had to drag me home after drinks?”

He looked at her, raising his eyebrows “zero?”

She opened her mouth to seem offended. But closed it again because there were really not that many times. She looked away. “ok fine maybe not that many.” He laughed, laying his head back. “but that’s not the point.” She returned her gaze to him “I may be your Coach but I’m also your friend. You’re allowed to be drunk around me. I’m not Galtier. And… you know… the reason you decided to drink. It’s not worth it.”

He scratched on his nails. “it’d be a good article. Neymar jr. Fails again.”

“Don’t do that to yourself please.”

“What would JW say? Would he celebrate the win?”

She laughed, leaning on the window “I’m sure he’d find some things to complain about. A team much below yours got 4 chances and scored. We could have ended this match 5-0. We still lack connection and yes, we were good but only cause they were weaker. So, what are we really celebrating? There’s still a lot of work to be done.”

Neymar smiled. “there she is.”

“point is the blame isn’t yours Ney.” She made sure to look in his eyes while she spoke “a penalty is a 50% chance. Anyone can miss and anyone can do it depending on the circumstances. Losing penalties is the least of this team’s problems. You and Kylian worked pretty well Together.”

He nodded. There was something else on the tip of his tongue, she could see it.

“You two are getting better along too, aren’t you?”

She nodded, keeping a straight face “yeah. He’s more cooperative now.”

All he did was smile and put his headphones over his head. Somehow she knew exactly what he was thinking but pretended not to.

Taylor got up in the middle of the flight to go to the bathroom. Her eyes met Kylian’s as she walked passed him and behind the curtain that led to the bathroom. There was a small space people could wait in case there was someone else inside. The lock was green, so she opened the door and went inside. She bowed in front of the sink, threw water on her face.

He started cracking his knuckles. Contemplating whether he should go behind her. Everyone seemed to be occupied with other things. Hakimi was watching a movie next to him, most of the others were as well. He stood up and went to find her. If anything, he loved seeing her trying to hide his affect on her in front of everyone else. He waited for her on the small space, hiding his figure behind the curtain and hoping no one would come along before she was done. And done she was, a few minutes later, her eyes widening when she saw him in front of her as she opened the door. “hi” he smiled. His body blocking the exit by the way he was laying on the door. She looked at him up and down, tried to squeeze passed him but he kept moving his body in the same direction as her. Two times was enough to annoy her.

“not the time.” She warned.

“don’t worry. Wasn’t gonna fuck you on the sink.”

She scoffed, pushing him on the chest to make space for her to leave. He stood in front of her again. Leaning his head down, she locked eyes with him, only until his gaze diverted to the level of her lips, licking his own.

“Come sit next to me.”

“are you crazy?”

“I’ll get Hakimi to sit with Ney.”

“No!” she said quickly. Then she looked away from him, tapping her foot on the floor “I think Ney knows. I don’t know how much or how but he has started picking up on things. I shouldn’t have called you last night.”

“if you didn’t, we’d have a story on our heads about a drunk Verratti and Neymar on the hotel hallways.”

“Better than assistant coach fucks star player—” there was a turbulence, causing her to fall flat on his chest. He gripped on her arms, to keep her straight and leaned harder on the doorframe to keep them both up. She let out a shaky breath, her fingers cycling around his arms, able to feel his veins, same way she had last night. He made a step forward, pushing her deeper in the bathroom, leaning in to kiss her. Their lips ghosted over each other’s, an invisible string pulling them closer together. One of his hands dropped to her hip, she could feel his touch too well over her skinny leggings.

“Star player knew exactly what he was getting himself into. It’s fine.” He whispered in her lips.

“I was talking about Neymar.” She said, keeping a straight face. But she broke into silent laughter when she saw his eyes darkening, his expression stiffening. She grinned, slapping his hand off her ass. Her shoulder bumped on his as she finally walked passed him. Proud of herself for his reaction. He bit on his tongue, twisting it in between his lips.

She went back to her seat, but the one next to her was empty. She searched around for Neymar. Found him to Hakimi’s side. Deep conversation with him, Messi and Ramos who were sitting on the seats behind them. Neymar was sitting his knees on the chair, facing Messi. He waved at her “ill be back in a sec” he said. Taylor thought she had gone numb. She didn’t respond. She just went and sat in her seat, searched out of the window for a way out. Sitting on the wing seemed like a better choice now. She took her blanket and covered herself with it. Laid back and closed her eyes. Maybe if he thought she was sleeping, Kylian wouldn’t annoy her. She heard him seat beside her, even chuckling but she didn’t move and he didn’t speak which was good. For a moment she thought he’d actually let her be. Be decent for ones.

Then her entire body shivered. Her eyes opening wide. Her breath getting hatched on her throat. His fingers crawled on her thigh. His hand hidden under the blankets that they had very comfortably lay over them. She didn’t look at him, she couldn’t even blink. She was scared that any reaction would lead to dangerous sounds coming out of her mouth. She didn’t have to look at him to know that he had that smug expression on his face. He didn’t stop of course. His hand continued going higher and higher, pinching on her skin a few times, stroking it others. She liked it. When it got too close she dropped her hands where his was but over the blanket. She looked at him. He was looking on his phone, unbothered, like there was actually zero connection between the two at that moment.

“are you out of your mind?” she hissed. He didn’t respond. But his hand moved down, closer to her knee now. He gave it squeeze, it felt more caring than his last touches but she knew he must be laughing on the inside. He slipped his fingers under her knee, holding her like any boyfriend would hold his girlfriend in the drive home. He finally looked at her, an discreet smile on his lips. Her phone buzzed a few seconds later and she turned it over to look at the screen. A message from him.

She shook her head, scoffing. Closed her phone screen and ignored the message. He squeezed tighter on her thigh. She closed her eyes, trying to fight the urge to hold his hand under the blanket. Truth is she liked it, and as long as his hands remained on safe distance from other parts of her body, then she didn’t want him to let go. He was counting on that. She put her hand under the blanket searched for his while looking at the clouds outside the window. When she found it, she let her fingers wrap around his. He accepted it, too quickly, turning his hand, so he’d hold her better. No one knew. No one could see. But he was drawing circles with his thumb on her palm and she was enjoying it.

The reached Paris in the afternoon. Everyone had a different car waiting for them to drive them home. Before Taylor got into hers, Galtier came up to her.

“We need to talk.”

She hesitated “everything ok sir?”

“Come by my office tomorrow morning. 10 am.”

Logically speaking there was no reason for him to know and there was no reason for her to he worried. But she was terrified. “Is it about the match against Pays De Cassel?”

“Not really. But we’ll discuss that as well. I’ll wait for you.”

She nodded as he left to go to his car. She watched him leave, her eyes falling on Kylian among everyone else. She smiled at him and got in her car. They drove her to the animal-sitting center she had left Luna at first. God, was she happy to see that little angel. Luna head bummed her on the hand when she went to pet her the first time, get warmth reminding her of the only thing that felt like home in this city. She took the cat back to her house, the driver helping her carry all her stuff before leaving her alone in the small apartment. Luna ran across the familiar floors, jumping on the desk and the bed, making herself comfortable on the pillows. She laid beside her, telling herself that she’d take care of the suitcases in the morning. She petted Luna with her finger, Luna in response started biting it and scratching it playfully. She smiled.

When she looked at her phone she was met with Kylian’s message again. She hadn’t deleted the notification so it was still there. The invite was still open. She was tempted. Tempted to feel his Temperature on her body, on her mouth, on her… she closed her eyes.

Kylian unpacked all his stuff. He had nothing better to do anyway. When he was done he dropped himself on the couch, hand hanging over his head as he laid back. He thought about texting her again or calling her but he didn’t want to push it. He was scared that any wrong move would bring the paper house they had started building, down. He doubted she was going to come to him, so he was prepared to go to sleep alone.

Then his phone buzzed. Her name popping on the screen. He picked it up, looking up at the ceiling, while answering.

“Can I help you, coach?” No answer. He smiled “just calling to hear my voice hm?”

Another moment of silence.

“Galtier wants to talk to me tomorrow.” He could hear the worry in her voice, even from the phone.

“Its probably nothing.” He tried to reassure her.

“Hm…”

He wished he could find the right words. He wished he could be by her side.

“Come here.” He whispered lazily on the phone. Too lazy to plead and also half knowing he doesn’t have to. His invitation not at all suggestive. If anything it came out as a solution to whatever was worrying her.

“can’t.” She whispered back “need to stay with my child.”

He smiled knowing it was just an excuse. “bring her with you.”

Silence.

“that’s too much work, just to see you.”

“I can come”

Taylor was on her bed, laying, same way he was. She bit on her thumb, his suggestion sinking in. Maybe if she kept allowing him taking the initiatives, she could pretend there was nothing she could do about it. Maybe if he came over to her, she wouldn’t really be doing anything wrong.

“been running out of cat food actually.” She said innocently. Heard him laughing on the other side

“Can’t go out walking in this cold.” He said.

“no.” she hummed. But it was more of a yes.

Taylor kept typing and erasing the same message that said that she had changed her mind. She did it about 10 times, until it was too late to send it because she heard him knocking on the door. Sitting on the edge of the door, she looked at her door. Her body frozen in her position. Another knock and she knew she didn’t have a lot of choices. She left her phone on the bed and made her way to the entrance of her apartment. A heavy breath leaving her chest as she opened the door. A tired Kylian, leaning on the frame with his arm while holding a full bag of cat food on his hands. She laughed, it seemed like the only right response because they were tragically funny. He smiled, looking down at her. She met his eyes with anticipation. Suddenly all her worries replaced by his perfume, by his whole demeanor and his presence. A light opened in the hallway alarming them that someone was coming up the stairs. She snatched on the threads of his grey hoodie, pulling him in her house and pushing the door closed. They both stumbled on their owns steps, only stopping when taylor, crashed on her desk, his head falling closer to hers and all she could look at was his lips.

“Such a small apartment.” He mumbled, grinning.

“Shut up” she shot back, realizing she was still holding on the threads. She pulled him down, her lips crashing on his, he dropped the bag, letting it crash on the floor. Didn’t hesitate to kiss her back, deepen the kiss. Hold her hips to pull her closer and she could feel him in between her thighs. Her hands crawled under his hoodie, taking it off and throwing it, somewhere in the room. Then they crawled under his shirt, coming in contact with his skin. He hissed at the coldness of her hands, biting on her lips. Both of them realizing that they should probably take a breath. They looked in each others eyes, heavy breaths and knowing stares. He smiled, cause he had never seen her like this before. His fingers traced on her skin under her shirt. His bottom lip hooking on hers and pulling it upwards. Then kissing the area under her eye, then her nose. Her hands moving up to his arms, stroking his veins, his biceps, like she was making a memory of how he felt. His lips went down to hers again, this time kissing her softer. It was gentler. it was more honest than any kiss he had given her before. His touch changed. Any other time he would have picked her up, thrown her on the bed and hovered over her.

Tonight, was different, she could feel it. He wanted to take his time, so did she. He held her more carefully, he didn’t rush it. She stood still while he was taking control, giving in to him as he pulled the shirt over her head, only thing she had to do was raise her hands, bring them on his shoulders when he was done. He lowered his head to her neck, the spot he knew would make her, his for the night. And surely when he kissed on it, she let out a moan, a beg for more. He made a few steps backwards, taking her with him and sat on the bed, while she stood in between his legs.

He kissed her stomach, she felt his tongue on her skin, his teeth almost biting her on the same spot. His kisses continued on a straight line. While his hands pulled her skinny leggings off, he pushed her hips to him and she sat on his lap, legs and hands tying around him. Her breast on the most comfortable level for him to leave kisses now. Under and over her bra, on her collar bone. Her head dropping back, as she accepted all of his gifts for the night. She leaned forward, his knee scraping the space in between her thighs. Her hands, held his entire face, she pulled her head up again, looking in his eyes and leaning her forehead on his. He pushed her hair behind her ear, his hands holding on her face the same way she was holding on to him. Their noses touching, their breaths synchronized.

She pulled off his shirt, threw it on the floor behind her and moved closer to his know bare chest. Her hands circling around his shoulders and her head bending, hugging him as tight as she could, to feel every single curve in his body against hers. To feel his heartbeat. His fingertips, caressed her spine, moving up and down her bone while his mouth made a home in her neck and shoulder. She tilted her head to kiss the back of his neck. It seemed this night, this moment could last forever. She hoped it would. Hoped she could stay down this rabbit hole with him for the rest of her life.

When he laid her on the bed, she started playing with the chain round his neck. His eyes staring deep in hers, while her other hand reached for the threads of his sweatpants, untangling them.

And the night burned warmer, their bodies getting as close as humanly possible. When they were done, they gazed at each other’s eyes for what felt like hours. His fingers getting tangled in her hair, hers tangled in his chain. She never minded being on her own but this… this felt nice too.

He woke up by her voice, speaking words in a language that sounded like French but could swear wasn’t French by her accent. Her voice was followed by a ticking sound. He opened his eyes, the sunlight cutting through his eyes.

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID!” She yelled from inside the bathroom. He raised an eyebrow, confused. He got up, putting on his sweatpants and walking over to the bathroom door. He could listen more clearly now and yes she was actually trying to speak his language. Random words, speaking them to her phone. He opened the door, to find her sitting cross-legged on the cap of the toilet. He shit his mouth in a thin line so he wouldn’t laugh.

“une table pour deux personnes, s’il vous plait” she said in the microphone.

“Wanna get me out on a date?”

She jumped up on her feet, her phone almost dropping from her hands. “stop doing that—”

He grinned, pushed himself off the door and walked over to her. “tell me in French and I might.” He shrugged, approaching her in a threatening way. His hands snaking around her back, she was already dressed and ready to leave.

“je…”

“hm?” he prompted. How did her murdering his mother tongue sound so blissful in his ears.

“Je veux tu—”

“moi?” he asked, pointing at himself and pretending to be surprised.

She narrowed her eyes “oui?”

He smiled, leaning down to her lips. “Que veux-tu de moi, Taylor?”

She snorted, already confused by his accent but she played along “stop. Je veux tu… stop?”

He laughed, she blushed, her fists bumping on his chest. He kissed the embarrassment away. “La nuit dernière était incroyable.” He whispered in her lips “On devrait le refaire. Un peu plus souvent.” She pushed him away.

“You’re doing it again.” She reminded him, a little annoyed.

He smiled “do you want me to drive you at campus?”

“Hilarious. I’m getting an uber.” She walked passed him, out of the bathroom. He watched her and mirrored her.

“I used to drive you before this was a thing.” When he stepped out of the bathroom, Luna jumped on his sweatpants, trying to catch the threads. He hissed when claws cut through the fabric on his skin and knelt down to pet her.

“You have to go back to your house and change.” She looked at the desk for her keys. “catch” she said and threw them at him. He caught them before they hit his face. “lock the door before you leave. Bring me the keys back at campus.”

“because that’s not at all suspicious”

“Is it too optimistic of me to think that you won’t do it in front of everyone else?” she walked to her bed, checking that she had everything on her bag.

He smiled, getting up and coming up behind her. “You’re anxious.” He whispered.

“I don’t wanna be late!” she said, slapping his hands off her and hanging her bag around her shoulder. She turned around to look at him.

“Are you always rushing out like this after sex or is it just because of me?”

“im not rushing.”

“Yeah you are. You rushed out in the hotel. You’re rushing out now because your appointment is not for Another 2 hours.”

“I don’t wanna be late.” She repeated.

“You’re always late.” He reminded her, looking in her eyes. She gulped. Funny, how he could see right through her in the morning. He leaned in, about to kiss her under the morning light, when there was no darkness to hide, when everything was true. Her fingers trailed on his abs, she pulled away quickly, looking up at him.

“Lock the doors.” She whispered in his lips “feed the cat. Make sure no one sees you leave and be at campus at 11 sharp.”

“Or what?”

“ill figure out a punishment.” She smiled and slipped away from him. He bit on his tongue when he heard the door close. It was followed by a meow, the little kitten in between his feet, begging for food. She scratched on his legs again, making him kneel down.

“You scratch as deep as your mother.” He mumbled, petting her under her neck.

GALTIER’S OFFICE — DAY

Taylor waited outside. Her feet tapping on the floor until Galtier’s tall figure appeared in the hallway. She got up, greeting him quickly and he motioned for her to get in his office.

They say on their usual positions. An intimidating Galtier on his big chair behind the desk and an anxious Taylor on her tiny chair across from him.

“the win against Al Nssr was good. It seems things have started to work out.”

“I hope so.”

“The boys seem to get used to you.”

“Most of them, yes.”

“we need to talk about your salary.” She didn’t answer to that. Nothing seemed appropriate enough. “If you decide to stay.” Her eyes remained expressionless. Keeping any sort of emotion for herself. “PSG would be happy to keep you around.”

That was it. What she had been waiting to hear. To be one of the coaches or an analyst. Whatever position they decided to give her. She had made it through. It seemed almost like a lie. Too good to be true and yet, it felt like a theft too.

He passed over to her a document with her monthly salary, details of her hiring and her position. She could barely follow him. She was lost in her thoughts. The pros and cons. She had her ticket back in the game. But was she really in the game? There was this tickling sensation in her stomach. Happiness and fear mixed in one. Was the decision hers now?

“We can sign the contracts by the end of the week. I’ll need some time to speak with the big boss.” She looked at the document. There was a number on it, a long number with high digits… that couldn’t be hers. She’d never see that amount of money with her writings, not even if she worked on the highest paid sports magazine “Meanwhile you can think about it, run it over with your lawyers if you want.”

She nodded, taking the document in her hands “thank you.” She smiled, keeping in all the excitement, she had. Galtier smiled back at her and she took it as an indication to leave. Her steps, slow on the hallway. She checked at her watch, 10:30, it was. Kylian would be here soon.

“Excuse me, Ms. Wilock?”

She turned around, a woman, seemingly older than her. Long blonde hair and dressed like she had somewhere important to be. She was a journalist. Taylor knew by the way the woman held a notepad in her hand. She felt caught between two worlds. Who she used to be and who she could be.

“You are Ms. Wilock, right?”

“Yes. That would be me.”

“I’m Annette.” She shook her hand “I was wondering if I could ask you some quick questions.”

“About what?”

“How are you adapting on the team? With the boys?”

She smiled “There’s respect from both sides.”

“As it should. But I heard there was chaos in the beginning, between you and the players. And of course, there’s the question of your website that brought a lot of pain on this team and other teams as well. Are you ever getting back to that? With champions league coming up, are you loyal to Paris-Saint German? Is it worth everything you are giving up?” Annette smiled. Taylor was at a loss of words, she didn’t know what to answer first.

“I don’t have time for a one on one interview.” She said “Gotta get down at training but I bet I’ll see you around, won’t I?”

“From one journalist to another, Ms. Wilock. You know you will.”

Taylor stepped away, gripping on the document in her hand.

Kylian never gave her back the keys that day. She only realized when she went back to her house and searched her pockets. During the day, they exchanged a few words and mainly it was her yelling at him to stop playing around and laughing. Kylian would shoot her a knowing look, only her could translate and they’d go back to business. She had a meeting with Marquinhos, making several attempts to ignore the chaos in her mind.

“Is it odd that I’m having doubts?”

“No. Of course not. It’s a huge change. One month was a short time. Now we are talking about permanent.”

“Permanent is long.” She sighed.

“No matter what happens you should be happy and proud of yourself.” He said, shooting her a smile and getting up to leave.

All she wanted to do was go home and write. That always calmed her. So when she realized her keys were missing, she wanted to hit her head against a wall. She didn’t even think about calling him, she just grabbed an uber and went to his house. She stood outside, hands in her pockets. There were doormen outside of the building. That’s how you knew important people were living there. She couldn’t just walk in, she was scared they’d recognize her. So she called him.

“I was wondering when you’d notice.” He said as soon as he picked up.

“I’m downstairs. Can I come in from the garage?”

Silence, then a scoff. “Sure, go around the building, I’m coming.”

She hanged up and did as she was told. The garage doors opened and his figure appeared behind them. She walked closer, holding her hand out, waiting for him to give her the keys.

“Oh shoot.” He said “left them upstairs.”

She cocked her head, annoyed “are you fucking serious?”

He smiled. She groaned and walked past him to the elevator. He followed behind her.

A couple snarky comments, unnecessary touches and a few minutes later they were on his bed. Wrinkled sheets and their bodies tangled like one because she couldn’t control herself around him. Not when she felt his touch on her body, not when he gave her that devilish grin and leaned down so slowly, that only made her want him to go faster. Because when he did all these things, she’d forget even her own name, her past, her doubts, her injuries.

Their routine didn’t change. After sex, they were silent, just like all the times before, words couldn’t explain why or how they ever got in this situation but she was in his space now. He had control.

She tapped on the space between his breast, her fingers making a walk up to his neck. The neck that she had left her kisses on, her smell, her touch.

“what did Galtier want with you today?”

“I’m hungry.” She said suddenly, completely ignoring he inquiry. Kylian narrowed his eyes, confused but she was out of his arms and dressed in his grey long hoodie before he could stop her. He rushed out of the bed, putting his pants on and chasing behind her on the kitchen. She was inspecting the fridge already, taking out things she needed. She’d let out gasps whenever she found somethings she could use. He watched as she laid out the ingredients on the counter. “can you get me a recipe for carbonara?” He was baffled by her. The way she moved around like she had been on his place more times than ones. Like she lived there. He looked around for his phone, finding hers first on the counter where she left it after he picked her up to take her to the bedroom. He opened the screen, a pretty picture of her, a little girl-which he imagined was her sister- and her father.

“what’s your passcode?”

“I’m not gonna tell you my passcode.” She said, while bending down to get a pan from the lower cupboards.

“Is it 1 2 3 4 5 6?” he asked, while typing it out. The phone opened to his surprise and he started laughing. She stood up, chewing on the inside of her cheek but saying nothing. “god that’s dumb.” He mumbled and she really wanted to hit him with the pan in that moment.

“Find the recipe!” she said.

“you need milk for carbonara!” he commented, googling searching for it.

“No you don’t.” she shot back and looking at him.

“That’s how I like it—”

“my god! You really suck at following orders! Don’t you?” she snatched the phone from him and placed it on the counter, looking at the recipe he had found. “it literally says, no milk!” she looked back at him “all this time I thought it was just me but god you really suck a following orders, don’t you?” she asked but he waved her off, opening the fridge, the light filling the otherwise cozy darkness. He grabbed a water bottle and closed it again.

“Do you always cook in darkness after sex?”

She didn’t answer him, just made one of her silly face and started cooking according to the recipe. He jumped on the counter of the kitchen, sitting there as she cooked. He smiled, because there was something very calming about seeing her in his space like that. He took a sip from his bottle, his eyes following her every single movement.

Kylian made sure to point out hoe he’d like for her to not burn his kitchen more than ones and taylor ignored him every time. He got of the counter when she asked him to get plates, he left them right next to her, his hand ghosting on the small of her back while she was stirring the pasta.

“I still think it needs milk.”

“I still think you are an arrogant asshole but I don’t make a big deal out of it every five seconds!”

He lowered his head to her neck, taking a big bite on her skin while she laughed and shook him away, elbowing him slightly so he’d get back.

They sat on the kitchen top, across from each other. Talking about everything and nothing, while they ate. The night would grow longer, their figures would move like shadows, tiny secrets that no one ever had to know about.

“My father always blamed himself. I got the condition from him, so he was convinced it was his fault when I had to give it up. Truth is, he did everything right.” She smiled “wouldn’t have want to spend the worst years of my life with anybody else.” She opened her phone, pointing at a picture of little Lily. “She’s my little monkey.” She said, her entire face beamed when she was talking about her, so many of her walls crumbling before him.

“is she as loud as you?”

“she’s louder.” She laughed “but that’s why I love her.”

“you miss them?”

“’f course I do.” There was bitter sweetness in her eyes now, the smile lingering in her lips but falling just a little. That melancholic look reminded him of his first question of the night.

“Gonna tell me what Galtier said?” The smile faded away completely. She shut her phone off, staring at the table. “it couldn’t have been that bad.”

“it wasn’t…” she admitted “it wasn’t bad at all.”

“Then?”

She looked at him “he wants to finalize my employment.”

“wasn’t that already settled?”

“Not really. I was given a month as a test run. If it wasn’t for the articles that leaked, psg wouldn’t have told the world until they were certain.”

He nodded, looking at his plate, playing with the last bit of pasta that was left there “and now its certain?”

Dawn wouldn’t come for hours yet in matters of the sky, but it was slowly creeping up on them both in matters of their future.

“yeah.” She whispered. The feeling of guilt had already began fueling in her chest, just like all the times before. Any normal people would talk, clear things out before it was too late.

“that’s good.” He smiled, looking up at her again.

Cause they weren’t normal people and this wasn’t a normal situation. The longer they spent not talking about it, the longer they could pretend it was alright. Whatever ‘it’ was.

She tried to leave right after they finished their food. She wanted to go home, breakaway from him as soon as possible but he was leading her to the bathroom before she could protest. And how could she protest when his aroma dripped from every corner of the bathroom, when he helped her in the tub and she laid on his chest, both of them naked and bare.

She played with his fingers absentmindedly while he marveled at the size difference of their hands.

“you were right” she whispered

“about what?”

“the rushing out part.” He brushed his nose on her hair. “I’m afraid if the sun finds us together. Like this. I’ll have to explain myself and I wouldn’t know what to say.”

“you don’t have to say anything.”

She grinned at his attempt to make her feel better, nuzzling closer to him and closing her eyes. Then it slipped out of her mouth, like air, like it was always meant for him to know. “I’m scared.”

To that he didn’t answer. Although he could relate a bit.

“And it’s not just because of you. Back then I lost football because of matters of the heart. Then I had to give up writing because I thought that I could get football back. Being away from my family, losing parts of my independence and now… now I could lose football again because of matters of the heart. A different kind. ” the last one was referring to him, he knew. “but what’s worse is that I don’t know what I want. I haven’t for a while. For years actually. I remember what I wanted before everything and I think is till want that… but sometimes I’m just scared of wanting.” Her voice trailed off. Realizing she had said too much.

“tell me something the world doesn’t know about you.” He lowered his eyebrows, thinking. It was difficult for him to come up with answer. She pinched on his arms, lovingly. “there has to be something.”

“I love my nieces and nephews, a lot.”

“everyone knows that!”

He laughed “I mean I guess it obvious but, they’ll never know how much. You will.” He stroked her arms, resting his head on hers while she played around with the bubbles. After a moment of silence he said “I love them so much I fear for them. My problem is similar to yours” He looked at the wall while speaking “I see it with Ney and his boy and the public relationships he has had in the past. It’s scary. To think that you will always bring discomfort to the ones you love. Sometimes it stops you from loving them enough.”

Their honest words echoed in the bathroom, only for them to hear and then sank on the water under them.

She twisted her body, so she could look in his face. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms settled on his shoulders. She smiled at him.

“you have to start by loving yourself first.”

“I think I’m pretty cool.” He joked, smiling. She cocked her head, her thumb brushing on his cheek.

“you admire yourself. That’s different. You’re full of yourself.” She shrugged “also different.” He scoffed, pinching the side of her stomach. She ignored it “I’m talking about loving your insecurities. All of it.” Her eyes examined his entire face, everything. Like she was memorizing it. “I’ve said it before. You’re worth it without having to prove anything.” She smiled.

And if he wasn’t so hypnotized by her beauty, by the moment itself and her words, he would have kissed her already. But she kissed him first, like she was making a promise. That she saw behind his façade. He kissed her back, like he was promising her he’d do better.

If they weren’t so afraid of loving each other, this could have been a love story.