#newheart

Don’t remind me of the quickness of time. I keep the note glued to the inside of my eyes. It’s impossible to forget it. The euphoria. St. Valentine, his martyrdom and reminder of love creeps onto the calendar just as the pressure of the winter begins to leave marks on you. The typical celebration of Valentine’s Day , or atleast how I have perceived it over the years, is a bit lacking in the realm of individualism and creativity. I never felt comfortable standing in line with a dozen roses or a box of waxy chocolate. “As many shades of color that exist in the world, so are there expressions of love. “ -Sanbar Guerelli I wanted to try and celebrate the death of St. Valentine in a different manner than I have in the past.  I sat down, after the babes had slipped into their slumber, and wrote this song. I wanted the song to be recorded immediately after I wrote it, and to add things that felt were adding to the song and then let it just be. Let it live as it was in that moment. No laborious process or procedures. Inside of the song you will find mistakes, pitchy notes, bad intonation, but then you will find spirit. SPIRIT.

ONLY FOR LOVE

If I say the wrong words, If I crow like the birds On the wire, It is only for love If I trip on my shoes, teach my skin how to bruise, And crack my teeth, It is only for love. Here in my mountain I drink my own fountain, I think that it’s keeping me sane I see colors I’d never thought possible ever They’re painting the sides of my brain If I light me on fire, turn my hair into wire See me burn, and it’s only for love If I swear out a curse, spin a phrase, sing a verse I will say that it’s only for love I made up my mind, I’m spending my time Waitin’ to see through the rain I’m the air in the middle that dodges the riddle Of how we all grow and decay. If I run up ahead, give the ground what I’m fed I return and it’s only for love If I fall far behind in my search for a sign I will wait for my angel of love. I shatter and crumble get broken and humbled Then turn into pockets of blood Then I’ll tear through the bubble that carries my struggle And end up right where I was. IF I float to a dream, to a world only seen By a man who is searching for love. St. Valentine’s Day 2017 Joshua Fred James

BAGONG YUGTO. New Chapter. This is Hope SG Filipino's 24th Anniversary theme. And while I just marked my 7th year with Hope this January, and now I am on my journey to 8 years, which is also the number for "new beginnings", I have been asking myself, what does this mean to me personally? What is my Bagong Yugto? "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." ~Isaiah 43:19 BAGONG YUGTO: A NEW FIRE Early this year, my core team member lost her job and had to go back to the Philippines. And so all the more I had to stretch myself, empower the life group and lean more on His leading - not mine but by His Spirit. This is still a work in progress but I claim new wineskin, new core team members, who would be on fire for God, and then eventually as we enlarge ourselves, fruitfulness will follow.

I pray that God continue to work in us, individually and as a life group, so that all the more we can experience how good, how loving and how faithful our God is! In the same way, the Lord has been stretching us in the ministry for the past year amidst this pandemic. He has done great things in the ministry and in how He is using social media as His platform. Day by day, we are learning and exploring new things on how we can make Him known all over the globe with this ministry He has blessed us with. I am just blessed and humbled to serve Him with all my heart, mind and soul, both in the ministry and in the life group. He is my fire! And all these is by Him and for Him! BAGONG YUGTO: A NEW PERSPECTIVE The past few weeks before the conference, I've been thinking a lot. I've been asking God what's His plan for my life. What's next for me? Should I move to the States too, when one by one my ward friends are leaving for US and a family friend's actually offering to help me should I decide to move. Besides, US was the original plan. Singapore was supposed to be just a detour. Almost 10 years after, I am still here. Plus that infamous question: Will I ever have my own family too? So, I was really praying that in the conference, I will receive a word from God or a clear direction where He wants me to go. The answer came fast. On the first day during worship, I heard it loud and clear:

And all throughout the conference, I was just reminded over and over again. God is faithful, so be faithful. Keep sowing. Keep planting. Keep reaching out. Keep loving. And He will take care of the rest. Besides, He never told me to move. It was just me. You see, comparison triggers jealousy and so never compare your life to others because God has His own story for you and me. Look unto Jesus. Fix your gaze and thoughts upon Him. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:25-34 BAGONG YUGTO: A NEW HEART The first half of the year has been very painful for our family. I praise God that He has blessed me with a very loving and closely knitted family, and so the sudden loss of two of my Uncles in Papa's side, both I am close with, has left us bewildered, broken and very hurt. Early in April, Tito Erick, Papa's youngest brother, was hospitalized for COVID. In just a few days, he was transferred to the ICU because his oxygen level wasn't picking up and his biomarkers were all deranged. His wife, Tita Mitch, was then quarantined on another facility. Everyday we would all do video calls to check on Tita Mitch and get updates on Tito Erick. We would always encourage everyone in the family to keep on pressing on in prayer and keep believing that these too shall pass. That we've been through so much in the family before and we would be able to withstand all of these. I knew that God is a good God and He will never forsake us. I was anticipating that this will be our family's testimony of healing. But then one night, as if in a movie, there was a plot twist. Uncle Ahwee, Tita Shei's husband had a heart attack. He was pronounced dead on arrival. We were dumbfounded. I couldn't understand why all of these is happening, all together, at the same time. It felt like a dejavu. It felt like we were in 2014 all over again when Papa had an accident and he needed to go for a surgery and the next day Lolo Ama, Papa's father, passed away because of cancer. I questioned God why do our family had to experience all these pain again. Did I not pray enough for Him to hear my prayers? There were so many thoughts running on my head but we had to press on for Tito Erick. To still believe and keep praying that he will be healed. We kept Uncle Awhee's passing from Tito Erick. We even blocked him on Facebook so he won't see any post on Uncle Awhee's sudden death. During Uncle Awhee's wake, we were just amazed on how God poured out His love and provision through the help of the many people who loved Uncle Ahwee. Tito Erick's condition then was getting better. He regained some strength, enough to reply to us in our family's group chat. Every morning he would send some selfies to us to let us know that he is getting better. He found out about Uncle Awhee's passing when he saw a post from his high school batch mate but thank God during that time he was already able to take all the news in.

He then had a reswab and we were hoping that if it turned out to be negative, he will be transferred to a regular room. But the next day before dawn, on Lolo Ama's birthday, Tito Erick's oxygen levels dropped which then required him to be intubated. After two hours of being in critical condition, his heart stopped beating. The doctors tried to revive him but to no avail. It was so painful seeing his body lifeless through a video call. The whole day we were on iyak-tulala-iyak-tulala mode. We were so devastated. It felt like the enemy knew exactly where to attack me, that it found my Achilles heel, and it is succeeding. I already had thoughts of giving up and turning away from serving Him. He must have been punishing me for not being bold enough to do more for Him. But then I never heard my family questioned God. Yes, they couldn't understand why all these are happening, but they never once turned away from God. I thought I have the strongest faith, but theirs were stronger. God is still good, because despite of all what happened, He has made everyone in the family stronger in faith. He has reminded us how He has blessed us with a family that is so full of love, and that we are loved not just by Him but by the people that He has surrounded us with. I praise God for my spiritual family, ministry and friends who have helped me to stand when I couldn't, reminded me that I am not alone, and that God sees our pain and He is the only one who can turn it to joy. This wasn't the testimony I was hoping to share but God's thoughts are higher than mine. He has a different healing testimony He wanted me to share, not just for me, but for the whole family. Healing does not come in an instant. And until now, we are all still healing, slowly, taking it day by day. There are days that I still find myself dazed as if everything was just a dream. And same goes for them in the Philippines, in and out of loneliness and what ifs. But praise God we have each other to constantly remind ourselves that God is a good God and in Him, our broken hearts can be made whole again. As God promised in Revelations 21:5, "Behold, I make all things new," He is giving us a new heart. He is renewing our spirits day by day. He is making us lean more on Him, trust Him that all these are for our good, and draw closer and closer unto Him. He is our refuge and strength. At the end of day, He is a sovereign God. I may not have control on everything but He has. And He has me and my family on the palm of His hands. Here's a spontaneous song when I was pouring and crying myself out to God. It is only in His presence that we can find healing.

Sometimes, God doesn't change the situation not because He wanted us to just continuously be frustrated, in pain or suffering, but He's changing our hearts instead.

Usually, whenever we're on that situation wherein something doesn't happen according to what we want or expecting, we fret and easily get frustrated on why it seems to be happening over and over again - a pattern. Not only it applies to something that we're expecting to happen but it can also be towards a person.

I remember the time I have reposted the below from She Writes for Jesus from facebook which is exactly the same prayer of my heart:

Lord don't give me the desires of my heart, give me the desires of Your heart instead.

I don't want the things that are not from You. I don't want my plans, I want Yours. Let Your desires become mine. I want to live for You, Lord.

Day after that, I’ve faced a lot of things I am not aware I am becoming. That some of the things I desire are really not for God but for my own flesh, my own desires. To satisfy myself but not to bring glory to God.

I know most of us also experience something like this, wherein when we prayed to God about helping or changing our character to be aligned to His, we're put in a situation where our prayer will be answered, only with a twist. And that is not to punish us nor to make our life hard, but it is to stretch us and make us who He wanted us to be.

Most of the time, we tend to forget that God is sovereign. That He is in control. That we think we're much better than Him or anyone else. That He needs our help to fulfill His plans. Not knowing He can do everything in His own will and power.

After days of revelation from the Lord and was able to reflect about the situation I've been, I realized that it isn't God who will adjust to us, but us adjusting to His plans for us, for our good and growth.

It is also important to have accountability partners. Aside that you have these people to rejoice with you, these people also help you with your walk in Christ. You may not always hear what you want to hear but you will hear what you needed to hear. For the enemy, it might be an attack, but for God, those are corrections that will make our Faith and walk be more deeper and rooted in Him alone.

Above all, let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14

Sharing the below verses as well to encourage and remind us as God changes our hearts.

1. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26 (NIV)

This is the promise of the Lord - that if we're already in Him, He'll give us a new heart.

A heart of stone represents resistance, stubbornness, coldness, senseless, and unimpressionable. But a heart of flesh is passionate, soft, tender, loving, and has its spiritual senses. It is a heart that’s alive to the will and word of God.

When you have a heart of flesh, God puts desires in your heart. He can make an impression on your heart because it’s open, receptive and responsive to Him.

2. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:12 (NIV)

As simple as put yourself in someone else's shoes. Remember the time when we're still not in Christ and how He never stopped pursuing and didn't get tired of us.

3. Trust in the Lord completely, and don't depend on your own knowledge. With every step you take, think about what He wants, and He will help you go the right way. Proverbs 3:5-6 (ERV)