#new lines

Ooooooh the pain of someone I haven't talked to in a while casually asking me 'hope your mom's alright?' .... having to tell them she died, having them say I wish you'd told me, I would have been there for you .... knowing now that I should have asked for that support but also understanding I wasn't in the right state of mind to do so at the time .... I've changed. I spoke to a stranger last week who told me that 4 years after she lost her father she finally began to see the girl she was before he died, thinking she'd never see her again. That gives me hope. Death is the only end, and even that's not truly final in my eyes. It's not too late for me .... I can try again, keep trying. Change happens whether you want it or not, better stop trying to desperately hold on and instead just try to go with the flow of things. I don't have the energy for clinging anymore, all my strenght went into holding my mothers hand as she slipped away from me. I'll hold my palms open, I'll try to do the same to my heart.