it's been hard, bottling feeling up. knowing i'm no one's fav, no one's first person to call when something happens, when decide what to do/wear/where to go. it's been even harder trying to live w it, accepting it and realizing the only company i need is my own, not only because i'm forced to do so, but because i want to.
it's called accepting yourself, they say, but i know it as the long road who hurts as hell and never ends, yet it brings so much peace of mind.
i want a gf, i crave the romantic and sexual affection every day, and not having someone around is almost physically painful. but i'm done forcing love or my company onto people, they don't want me they leave, i cannot convince you i'm worth it anymore, been there, done that and got scarred by it.
i'm taking it step by step, but damn it hurts. still, i'm proud of myself for trying.
