#nephilimalecs

"This is the only thing I can do, Tess, you can't understand how hurt I am." He was trying hard not to have his voice break, but it was shaking and her heart broke seeing his otherwise lively friend like this. "We had sworn each other to grow old together, we had taken a vow to always take care of each other and I couldn't do it for him."

"Magnus it wasn't your fault, this was bigger than any of us." He was going to speak but she kept talking, "You can't blame yourself for something no one could even imagine would happen, it was too fast for anyone to even process, how can you blame yourself?"

He was silent once again and ran his hand through the yellowish pages, losing his pensive eyes through the word printed on the paper. He had a war in his mind, he knew Tessa was right, but his feelings were a disaster.

He tried to breathe in and out slowly but that didn't work, there was this recollection of knots all around his heart that made it hard to think straight. He wanted to listen to reason, he really did, but in all his years in this world he had never felt his heart break like this.

He had felt sadness before but this time he could feel his heart shatter as the life left the love of his life, he knew this wasn't just sadness, this was some other puncturing feeling that was digging a hole in his chest.

He had no moral notion or sense of consequences, he just needed his husband back in his arms, he needed to see his soothing blue eyes stare into his adoringly.

"This… I have to do this, Tess, you have no idea how I feel right now." His tone was defeated, like he had ultimately lost and there was nothing but desperation left in him, which was rather accurate to describe his condition. "All the years in this world could never prepare me for this."

"Perhaps I really don't have any idea of what you're feeling, but this is not a small deal, this is prohibited and there is a reason it is." She couldn't fathom a way in which she could convince him, if Magnus was anything, it was strong willed. "I worry about you."

He sighed and caressed one of her arms, "A broken heart will do what it must to heal, my love."

Everything was prepared. The candles were all set in place, the pentagram was drawn, the runes were spread all over it and the blood sacrifice was put in a cup.

Magnus noticed Tessa staring at the cup with the dark red liquid with a puzzled expression. "It's my own blood mixed with some goat blood, I didn't murder anyone if that's what you're worried about."

"I know you didn't kill anyone, but you know what's going to happen." Her heart felt heavy on her chest, she wanted her friend to listen to reason, but she also knew that he was blinded by the pain. "They… the nephilim find death on combat prideful."

"This was not death on combat, it was a deliberate attack and it was my fault. It's like Abbandon all over again," he told her almost exasperated, like he was close to breaking down once again, "just that this time it was on me."

"Why do you-"

"Because it was my fault! Tessa, this was my father, he did this on purpose, he knew what he was doing," he started rambling but then stopped himself abruptly, "it's on me and I'll fix it."

"Who can assure you this is fixing it?" She asked, "What will you tell everyone? That he just came back to life as a warlock out of the blue? Not like he'll have your mark or anything."

"I don't know what I'll tell them, I just know that I will do this. There is nothing you can do or say to stop me."

She sighed in defeat and grabbed his hand.

The ritual lasted for hours, Magnus had underestimated how complicated it was, everything looked so simple on paper.

Halfway through, he had started bleeding from his eyes and hands, which scared Tessa, and even though he assured her he was fine, she made him take a rest.

It hadn't been just hard on Magnus, Tessa, who'd been lending him energy, felt deeply exhausted as well. She wasn't bleeding but she could use a bit of rest.

The closer they got to the end of the ritual, the harder it was to stay on track. The flames burning on the candles had started to grow and some things had started to combust around the house. A buzzing noise was growing stronger in Magnus' ears and they were accompanied by a small blood leak, he had no idea this would happen, but he knew he couldn't get distracted just then.

As he was chanting the last words there was a feeling of tightness in his ribcage and there was an overall feeling of pain he couldn’t quite place. He looked over at Tessa to see how she was holding up but her fate wasn't really better.

Sweat was glistening on her skin and she had bit her lip into bleeding, she was obviously in pain and Magnus could only then notice how tight her grip on his hand was, he also didn’t recall losing sensitivity in his now blueish hand.

As he was able to recite the last sentence, the candles that had started to look like wildfires extinguished and both passed out of utter exhaustion. The former loud noise of fire and dark magic was substituted by sheer silence.

An indistinguishable voice started to embody in his ears and once it was clear enough, he knew it was his name it was calling, but he had no energy to give any sort of response. A feeling of drifting away was wrapping him and it felt like he was leaving.

There was a slight panic in him, he’d been alive for so long and it had to be then that he had to leave? He didn’t know what happened after he had chanted those last words, in this state of unconscious consciousness he could only wonder what and who would judge his fate.

The fear couldn’t last long enough because he slowly felt like he wasn’t going anywhere, it took a while but when he was finally back in full consciousness, he opened his eyes to meet the unwelcoming brightness of the artificial light hanging from the ceiling.

When his eyes adjusted to the light, he could see Tessa next to him. Her anxious semblance was quickly replaced by awe when she noticed he was awake.

“Alec! He’s awake!” She called out. Quicker than he could process what was going on, Alexander Lightwood ran into the room and, upon seeing Magnus’ open eyes, launched himself towards his man.

“You idiot, I thought you had died… we both, by the Angel! You’re awake, I love you so much, I was so scared.” Alec’s heart had stopped but now it was beating at a million beats per minute, the whole situation was a huge mess but he was just insanely happy to be with the man he loved.

“Hey,” said Magnus simply, feeling his parched throat rasp with the words. “What happened?” He asked innocently.

“You passed out after the necromancy ritual,” Alec shuddered visibly with the mention of the ritual but did nothing further, “we both did, but I woke up within a couple hours, you were out for a whole week."

Magnus’ eyes widened impressively. “A whole week?”

“Yes,” answered Alec, who had also moved to the side and was now holding one of his hands and caressing the cold skin.

Magnus couldn’t fathom anything to say, he was confused at the thought of him skipping seven days of the time where he most should have been there.

“Now that you’re awake, I should be going, I have some stuff I must attend.” She brushed the hair off of his face and leaned in to kiss his forehead, while doing so she whispered, “you two have a lot of talking to do.” She embraced Alec on her way out and left the two husbands by themselves.

“Alec…"

“No, please don’t say anything. Please.” He pleaded. He sat on the edge of the bed and, once again, took of go Magnus’ hands in both of his. “I… I already talked to Tessa, when I woke up I was so confused. I really can’t recall what happened after we said our vows, now I know it’s because I was dead but it feels so odd.” It was clear in his face that he still had many questions, but Magnus didn’t say a word and let him continue, “At first I can’t say I was happy, I was actually full of rage. I don’t think you really understand the value of death for Nephilim, but it seemed so earth shattering at first. Not only was I back to life but I also wasn’t a shadow hunter anymore, it took time to process everything. I tried to kill myself in the process towards acceptance but Tessa was always there to keep me on check.” He took a deep breath and continued, “I was so spiteful towards you, to me it was the worst you could do to me but then I slowly came to terms with the fact that you did it out of love, and I realized that at any time I would’ve done the exact same thing."

Tears had turned Magnus’ eyes glassy and escaped them without warning, “I love you so much Alec, I was so desperate and refused to imagine a life without you.” Alec’s hand ran through his husband’s unshaven cheek with an exceptional tenderness.

“It’s not like I don’t have questions or aren’t scared and uncertain, but if I have learned anything in the time we’ve been together is that as long as I’m with you everything will be alright,” he told him with a soft voice, his heart ached, not of sadness but out of the relief of being with his man, “I know that as long as I’m with you, we’ll be able to figure things out."

“If anything were to happen it would be on me, so please don’t worry about anything, my love."

“Magnus, if anything happens, I’ll be there with you, I don’t care who or what it is.” He leaned in to place a chaste kiss on his husband’s lips.

“Aku cinta kamu,” Magnus whispered softly, staring at his own eyes in Alec’s face, “even if there’s no belly button in any of us."

Alec snorted with laughter and shook his head slowly. “What are we gonna do?” It wasn’t as much of a question as it was a lament, he knew the inquiry had no answer but he still worried.

“I don’t know, cintaku, but I vowed to protect you until I exhale my last breath and I plan to do so. I will never again let anything happen to you.” He spoke with a heavy remorse and Alec knew nothing he said would make it any better, he just laid down next to him and shuffled closely so their bodies could share their warmth. Magnus slowly put his arm around Alec and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “You don’t know how much I need you by my side, Alexander. All my life I’ve been alone but somehow the idea of being alone once again is terrifying."

Alec didn’t speak, he just enjoyed Magnus’ presence and placed his hand on his naked chest, the skin felt like smooth under his fingertips. The light leaking through the curtains was golden and painted the lovers together like a masterpiece.

“The only sun in my life is you, heaven is in your eyes, your arms are my shelter and your heart is the only place where I belong,” Magnus talked so softly, Alec could feel his words caressing his ears like smooth velvet, a loving embrace and a heartfelt kiss. “The way your hands touch me, the way your words turn my world upside down. I will never love anyone the way I love you."

There was no need to talk, the silence between them was like a warm comfort that unraveled their worrisome minds and soothed their hearts, in that moment they didn’t need anything but each other. There were many things to worry about, there were many things that had to be planned, but not right then.

In that moment they just felt alive by the touch of the other, by the fluttering in their hearts, by the serenity in their minds. In that moment they were weightless, they could face the world afterwards.

Perhaps Alec had been reborn as an immortal, maybe Magnus wasn’t even immortal anymore. Perhaps they were the same, or perhaps they were different, but it didn’t matter. They would figure it out eventually, they always did.