#neitzsche

I've spent my time interacting with some very incompetent people. Some intentionally, some unintentionally. I tend not to do anything about it until it's boiled over, however.

It's been six years, more than that even, that I've had to deal with your arrogance and narcissism, and you didn't see it coming? I can only hold my hand over a candle for so long till I can't distract myself any longer and lash out. Every conversation was an argument, every argument was cyclical, you made me dizzy with all that you choose to be.

I can't blame her. It's human nature to seek your self-interests. But at some point that encroaches on my own self-interests. What is justified here? Should I have served myself, or allow her to serve herself? Do either of us have a leg to stand on, a weightier self, greater than the other, giving more agency to act out our selfishness?

I don't believe any person is inherently better than another. The self righteous path would be doing 'good' acts that sacrifice yourself for another. Her acts only served herself. I've known her, picked her brain for seven or eight years, so I know she could never sacrifice herself over anything. I feel like with that being established, she cannot be considered 'good'.

I myself sacrificed our friendship for myself. This is wholly a selfish action. The opposite of what I defined as 'good'. Therefore I'm not inherently good here either.

I think we're equally bad, worse when forced to interact with each other. A rotting foundation for friendship is destined to collapse, so I cannot truthfully claim to be surprised.

On the other end of the pendulum swing we have him.

Good is never a word I have ever associated with him. Both he and his partner love their masks. They take acting on self interest to a vector that I've never seen in another person.

He is very full of himself, clearly with a razor thin working confidence. Every act is to make himself look strong, smart, 'better', and sexually and romantically desirable. He is not strong but he would swear he could beat anyone in a fight. He's never been in a fight, and likely won't ever fight anyone because it's just a tool he dangles in front of people to try and intimidate them.

He's of average intelligence, but he'd swear to you that he as sneaky, sly, and quick witted as a fox. He gets caught in his own failed plans, hands covered in paint, claiming to never have seen a can of paint in his life.

He is the model of a below average person. Average intelligence, below average visage/physique, below average social skills, below average relationship skills, etc.

He is under the impression everyone wants to be him, but id never wish that on my worst enemy, let alone himself. He's convinced that everyone wants to be with him, especially sexually. The truth is his hygiene, appearance, and personality would drive most away from him, even if offered payment.

The only person who can handle him is his partner.

That's not for no reason. His partner puts up a façade of being relatively helpful. He'll listen to you, give you advice, tell you his ideas, appear friendly, if you don't look too hard.

I realized immediately that this was a paper thing disguise. Behind the scenes he is truly a despicable person. This isn't the teenage 'hes so mean to me'. He has proclivities to rape, to drug, to stalk.

He'll listen to you so that he knows what will sway you. He'll offer his advice so that he can keep the reigns tight. He'll appear friendly, because he wants your guard down. I don't think he's an evil genius. Infact he is blow for blow a mirror of his boyfriend. Average to below average in every facet. The only thing greater about him is his urges to do genuinely heinous things.

I watched as these two broke someone down, to the point where he felt they were entitled to his obedience and his unconscious thoughts. They had no point of reference for what they viewed themselves as, so they made themselves gods, but only in their own heads. The rest of us see their human dribble.

To tie this all back in to the human existence:

This pretty well outlines my belief that humans as a species are self interested, be it myself, she, he, or his partner, we want for ourselves. Kind actions and selfless actions are intentional. You first think of yourself, pause, think of the other person, and then act on either side within fractions of a second. Some people seem incapable of the latter half, or at least their scale lies heavy on the self-interested side. This intentional nature of kindness gives it more weight in my eyes, as you have to subvert your natural action. Disregard what puts you forward, in order to help someone else. This is my brand of cynicism, something that gives me a little fleeting hope that keeps me going.