#neil x selfinsert

"It's open!" I called upon hearing a soft knock on my door.

Standing straight, having retrieved the dress shirt I was digging through my case to find, I had a full view of my sweet boyfriend, Neil Perry.

"Neil!" I exclaimed, running at him and embracing him in a bone-crushing hug.

"Hi, Y/N," he whispered into my neck, soft breath caressing it in a welcome breeze.

Pulling back so as to see his face properly, I knew something was definitely up.

"What's happened?" I asked immediately, looking imploringly into his eyes.

He paused a moment, eyes darting slightly.

"What do you mean? Nothing's happened," Neil impassioned.

His tight, animatronic smile confirmed my suspicions.

"Neil, you never smile like that unless something bad has happened... normally something to do with your father. When you really smile your mouth opens wide so all your teeth show and your eyes gleam with true joy, it is the sweetest thing I have ever seen... but- this is not that. It's distant and cold, it's automatic and fake, you can almost hear your teeth screaming from all the pressure they are under from baring them and, while you may be a good actor, you know I will always be able to see right through you."

Neil's whole body tensed as much as his smile.

"Neil, honey, please talk to me," I pleaded.

Neil visibly deflated. He took my hand, kicking the door shut quietly behind him, and led me to my bed where he sat and bowed his head. Before long, a warm splotch of water landed on the entwined hands he had focused his eyes on so intently.

"My father... he's- um," Neil did not want to say it out loud, he knew that would make it somehow more true.

"He's making me drop the annual..." he whimpered in misery, "I was supposed to be assistant editor."

"Oh, Neil," I pulled him into a tight embrace.

He pushed away in an unexpected burst of anger.

"No, stop! I'm fine," he protested, wiping under his eyes in a way that he hoped I would not notice. I did.

"Neil, it is more than fine for you not to be fine with this," I reminded him.

"No, it is not!" He cried, head in his hands in frustration, "No, it is not but it does not matter. I do not care, not about any of it!"

Softly, I reached to grab one of his wrists and pulled it away from his face. Slowly, he met my eye.

"I know that you do and I know that you need to drop it. Just because those two things both exist does not mean you have to like it."

Neil knew there was an abundance of truth in this statement.

He pulled me to his chest before kissing my head and mumbling to me atop it.

"I'm sorry I snapped, you didn't deserve that," I could feel heated wetness upon my head and held him tighter, this only seemed to make the waterworks flow more fluidly.

"Hey, it's okay," the fabric of his shirt muffled my comfort, "I know you didn't mean to."

Neil pulled back again to look deeply into my eyes.

"I'm just so tired of trying so hard and still having him controlling my life just because... just because he can!"

"I know, my love, but I have good news for you," I drew circles on his knuckles with my thumb.

"Yeah?" he smiled a real, albeit small, smile at me this time, lost in my eyes, "Yeah? What's that?"

"You don't have to be that way alone," I could feel the warmth permeating from his cheeks when I kissed the tip of his long, pointed nose.