#neil core

he is obviously terrible at being impartial. every time andrew is playing it’s just:

“minyard just stared down the referee for calling a foul. the ref immediately reconsidered. fascinating display of psychological warfare.”

“some say he’s the best goalkeeper of his generation. they’re correct.”

and when Kevin is playing:

“Day takes the shot... and scores. i’m sure he’ll be insufferable about it for the next decade.”

—

I like to imagine his commentary doesn’t end with just the players so I give you:

aaron minyard- in the crowd at kevin’s game

“and aaron minyard just checked his watch for the fourth time this quarter. hey aaron, if you’re waiting for a better offer, i heard the dmv is taking walk ins.”

dan wilds- as head coach

“I can’t hear what wilds is saying, but judging by the hand gestures, I’m guessing it’s not ‘great job, keep it up.’ she learned that from wymack”

kevin day- player (obviously)

-

neil gets invited to do a post game breakdown

“this was a controversial call in my opinion. i would love to elaborate, but my lawyer has advised me to stop threatening refs on air. i hope that whistle comes with a refund"

"now, if we zoom in… enhance… and apply common sense… we can clearly see that this call was fucking stupid."