I'm always on a wild ride. If it's not the war I battle in my head cruising on Thunder road; then it's the BC Mental Health care system. My doctor (psychiatrist) , whom I trusted, takes over my life (Form 1), tells me I need the ECTs again back in February. Through the process I lose my home, my father, my son turned his back on me and I can no longer see my grandkids, all to end up out of the hospital with no memory, brains of a jellyfish (can't string two thoughts together) no home, my new business on hold (can't work, no money), no family left here where I am, the ECTs were done wrong, after 4-6 weeks of healing I still struggle mentally. They didn't work very well this time. All I got out of it is... And seriously this actually happened... Curly frizzy hair and a little less manic. They fucking fried my head, bastards.
Anyway, I digress, this "Doctor" calls me once after the hospital, to check in, tells me she knows the meds I was on to stabilize mood, Divalproex, makes me ill, vomiting, diarrhea and bleeding. Has for over a year. It has literally destroyed my digestive system and I can no longer eat, but anyway she's putting me back on it, so I don't go full manic again, I screamed inside myself "NO! YOU SAID YOU'D GIVE ME SOMETHING DIFFERENT..... YOU PROMISED!" unfortunately I was too far gone with the brain jellies to advocate for myself. I took the Rx and began getting sick again ASAP. I'm both physically and mentally falling apart..... Holding on to that bar in the first car that's speeding up and down and all around the track on Thunder road.
I don't know what's real anymore, still homeless, and in desperate need of higher doses of this medicine to do well mentally, but I just can't as I feel like it's slowly poisoning me. Now... Get this... My doctor, hasn't called me since. It's been almost 2 months since last ECT and when I spoke to her last, I literally have not heard from her since the last week of March, when she ordered this medicine again. She never called and missed 2 scheduled appointments, that I waited hours by the phone for, and also when I had to reach out to her to save my life, suffering a horrible depression, where all I could think about was hanging myself. That's another story for another time though. I left a message with my worker to get her to call me, she never called me back. So.... She basically turned her back on me and left me suffering, alone. With no healthcare. I have, again, fallen through the cracks, so to speak. I feel lost and scared. My only option.... You're not gonna believe what I'll have to do.... I literally have to go admit myself and get locked up again to get care and my meds fixed so that I'm stable, functional, can make decisions, work, take care of myself and my family, that needs me, I mean I am the Matriarch, after all. I have to be at the top of my game..... Not to mention I have dreams of owning my own little shop one day and I need to have a chance like any other human to make that come true.
What do you think of the Mental Health care system here?
