#ndnphilosopher

While in the midst of an altered state of consciousness, one that was catalyzed by the ingestion of psilocybin tea and alcohol, I encountered the unimaginable conception of Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit. The only way I can describe it, is that it was like a pulsating stream of energy was passing through and into my chest. As this was happening, I could feel it looking into my soul and it’s presence caused a huge explosion to occur and all my past mistakes were laid bare...this of course, lead me to cry uncontrollably. It felt like I was dying, and the reality of being a terrible father in this life caused the deepest pain I ever felt. I can’t emphasize the magnitude that this epiphany had on me...as my Default Mode Network began to shut down, the moment of crossing over occurred. The moment happened so fast, when my consciousness passed through the gate (it was like a flash) I was completely at the whims of the medicine. Welcome to Hell...how is it possible that there’s separate entities that exist independent of one’s consciousness in this realm? I could feel the judgement, and it was harsh. Like a mirror, over and over again so you never forget. Brought to my knees, I had no defense against this, more tears...and the grand finale, the image of the Almighty appeared, I became hyper aware that my alcoholic self was not welcome in God’s Kingdom. And like an exorcism, that part of my being died (it was really strange to see myself separate from my-self). I was left with the unshakeable feeling that I needed to repent. And though, it would seem, Him and the other beings weren’t interested in my forgiveness. I’d never felt so guilty in my entire life. No amount of rationalizing or justifying was possible, it was so obvious that I could never recover from this, I was utterly powerless and deeply humbled by it all. And, just as fast as it started, it was over and I fell asleep. 

Post-Trip Analysis: 

I’m convinced that my consciousness went somewhere, a separate meta-physical reality independent of this 3-dimensional space. And there’s been multiple instances wherein I’ve passed through this gate at the moment of psychic death (I recognize it, but it happens so fast). I usually end up in some type of psychedelic hell (whereas years ago, I had amazing, beautiful trips).