#nct eng

The start of yet another school year is just around the corner: new challenges, new conflicts, and the same old concern: managing it all without letting things get out of hand, making sure I’ve still got a handle on everything.

This morning was no different from any other. A flash of light streamed through the window, illuminating the small apartment. The sun was out, though faintly; the cold prevailed, and there was almost no warmth to be found.

The hot coffee helped me stay alert - awake, if I can even call it that.

I checked my phone screen once more. I was waiting for a text from him, from Jeno.

Since my car was in the shop after a minor incident, Jeno had offered to be my “personal driver,” and turning down a ride wasn’t exactly my style. Besides, who would choose a crowded bus over a super-comfortable SUV?

The phone rang.

— Good morning, little star. I’m at the entrance to your building. — Even without seeing his face, I knew he was smiling. — Don’t take too long to come down.

— Good morning, Jen. I’m on my way.

I grabbed my things and headed toward his car. As I got close, he rolled down the window.

— Sorry I’m late today — I didn’t hear my alarm, and I woke up to Jaemin yelling my name and telling me I was going to be late. — Jeno lives with Jaemin, his best friend and co-captain of the college soccer team.

— I told you yesterday I’d had too much to drink. It’s the first day of my period, and now I’m going to be late thanks to my friend who doesn’t know his limit with beer.

— I needed to celebrate with the team, it was an important win. I told you it would’ve been good if you’d stayed a little longer.

— And then there’d be two of us late with hangovers. It’s enough that you’re the irresponsible one around here. — We laughed.

Mornings have been like this for 15 years, cheerful and welcoming ever since Jeno came into my life. He was something I couldn’t quite explain, someone different from everyone else who just made me feel whole.

The ride to campus was calm and quiet. My mind was working nonstop, cycling through everything I wanted to do this semester. I was deep in thought when I heard Jeno’s voice.

— What are you doing after class? I was thinking we could start that show together, the one you mentioned.

— That would be great, Jen, but I’m going to have to stay late today. I’m thinking about signing up for the mentoring program; I want to grab some bonus points with the professors. We’re upperclassmen now, remember?

— Bonus points are important, but we can get them without participating in those boring programs and dealing with annoying, lazy freshmen.

— You know I like working with people. We’re looking into a field that involves that; I think you should start thinking about it. Not all of us have mom and dad to get us jobs at the best companies. — I felt a little stung by what Jeno said. I was expecting support, but instead, I got a comment that wasn't exactly kind.

— Estrela, that’s not what I meant, and you know it. I just don’t want you to get overwhelmed right now, taking on too many things at once. I know this is a big time for you with those difficult classes. I was just pointing out that there are other ways to get those bonuses without burning yourself out.

— You could’ve put it that way, but it’s fine.

The atmosphere got a little tense after that. It wasn’t our first argument, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Our fights always had the same root: Jeno meddling too much, making decisions for me, assuming I couldn’t handle things on my own, and it was starting to feel suffocating.

When we arrived, we got out of the car, and before heading our separate ways, he turned to me.

— So, will you need a ride after class? I can wait for you.

— It’s okay, I don’t want to hold you up.

— I have soccer practice, so don’t worry about it. It wouldn’t be safe for you to be out there alone, wandering the deserted streets of this neighborhood, someone might kidnap our Little Star.

— He laughed, and so did I, finally breaking the tension hanging in the air.

— I can get an Uber; it’s fine.

— I know you can. — He gave a faint smile. — See you soon, then. Text me if you need me.

At the office, I could tell I wasn’t the only upperclassman interested in the mentoring program. Besides the extra credit, the stipend offered by the school made every student's eyes light up, so I was really hoping to make it through the selection process.

I spotted a guy looking at the campus map on the wall. He had his eyes half-closed, biting his lip, pointing back and forth between a piece of paper and the map. I walked over.

— Are you lost? Do you need help? — He jumped at the sound of my voice and looked at me. — Freshman, am I right?

— Is it that obvious? — He gave a weak laugh.

— A little. — I chuckled back.

— I’m looking for Building 3A, but I can’t seem to find it.

— Maybe that’s because you’re already in it.

He looked at his paper, then the map, then the building. He started laughing, and I joined in.

— That’s humiliating.

— It happens to the best of us. Nice to meet you, and welcome!

He introduced himself as Park Jisung. I did the same, and we shook hands.

— So you’ll be my freshman in the business school? — I asked.

— I guess so. So my first interaction with an upperclassman is a total display of my inability to think things through.

— Look on the bright side: now you know someone in the program. — I smiled, and he seemed to like it.

— Looking at it that way, my first day is turning out to be less of a disaster than I imagined.

— See? There’s still time to save your academic reputation.

— So you’re saying I got off to a bad start? — He grinned.

— I’m saying it could’ve been a lot worse, but don't dwell on it, freshman.

A faint laugh escaped my lips. For a few seconds, we were silent—a light, easy kind of silence.

Jisung seemed like the kind of person who makes any conversation flow. I liked that. While waiting for my name to be called for the interview, we kept talking.

— Do you have much longer until you graduate? — he asked.

— Not really—I’m past the beginning and getting closer to the end, I’d say.

— That explains it.

— Explains what?

— You look like someone who knows exactly what they’re doing.

I let out a short laugh and a snort through my nose.

— If it’s any consolation, I almost never know what I’m doing. I’m just letting the current take me where I’m supposed to go. The secret to adulthood is realizing that nobody has a clue and everyone is just winging it.

— That was surprisingly comforting. Before I started, I was constantly second-guessing whether I’d be able to make it through. Honestly, I still feel that way.

He gave me a handsome smile.

— So I think I’m going to need your help a few more times this semester. — He looked at me, then down at his hands, grinning.

— Trying to secure yourself a personal upperclassman on your first day? Bold move, smart strategy.

— Does it work?

I pretended to think for a few seconds.

— I’m still evaluating your performance as a freshman.

— Does that mean I have a chance of passing? — Was he flirting? Maybe we could both play this game.

— I might need a few more observation sessions to decide.

He nodded, playing along.

— Got it. So I’ll have to work hard.

— Very hard.

— Does that include coffee?

I raised an eyebrow.

— Coffee?

— Mentoring sessions require caffeine. I think it’s in the university handbook.

— Interesting. I’ve never heard of that rule.

— I just made it up.

We both laughed. For the first time that morning, I noticed something curious: talking to Jisung was just… easy.

My phone vibrated. It was Jeno.

Jeno:

About earlier in the car… I didn’t mean to sound like an idiot.

A second later, another message popped up.

Jeno:

Actually, I probably was an idiot.

I couldn’t help but smile.

A third message:

Jeno:

Will you forgive me?

Jisung noticed my smile. I typed quickly:

You know I can’t stay mad at you for long—we’ll talk later.

The three dots appeared almost immediately.

Jeno:

So you’re still going to talk to me?

I stared at the screen for a moment.

Unfortunately, you won’t get rid of me that easily, Lee Jeno.

The reply came in less than five seconds:

Jeno:

Great. I was starting to get worried.

For some reason, my chest felt a little lighter.

Maybe some people simply become part of the architecture of our lives.

Like walls.

Like windows.

I looked back at Jisung.

— So, freshman, write down my number and we can talk about that mentoring coffee.

He smiled and immediately saved my number. He got up to go, and before heading out the door, he turned back.

— I’ll be in touch, upperclassman.