#nbnv

5.Is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most?

Other people have covered the more common ones (eg “we don’t exist”), so I’ll go with more of a lowkey misconception: Nonbinary does not mean gender-neutral. It is not perfect neutrality, balancing carefully in the middle of a linear spectrum of gender, never having a single male/masc or female/fem coded preference. It just means not a man or a woman! 

So you can be nonbinary and, say, have long hair and love makeup and use she/her pronouns, and you can be nonbinary and have long hair and love makeup and get misgendered as a woman on a daily basis and use he/him pronouns because it makes you feel nice (and to fuck with people). So while titles like “Mx” and pronouns like “they” are great as defaults, they aren’t the official ways to refer to all nonbinary people—just ask individual people what they want, and answers will vary wildly!

6.Is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to?

I do love Ashley Wylde. She’s one of those people who just has a calm, loving, inspiring vibe to everything she does.

Also Gerard Way. I have no idea if Gerard Way identifies as nonbinary (he’s been open about struggling with gender and uses he/they pronouns, but also hasn’t actually come out as anything), but he’s certainly played a big enough role in my life to merit a mention here.

7.If you’re out, how did you come out?

I dumped a picture of my genderqueer pride socks in the groupchat with no further context and then went to bed. People were slightly confused. (Advice: Use your words, not your socks)

8.Is there a gender-related pun you like?

20.Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr?

Overelegantstranger, from whom I reblogged this ask meme, is a very cool person who reblogs trans/nonbinary history and is, imo*, extremely open about the process of figuring out his own gender (also longing, in a very gay Victorian masc way).

*mind you, this is coming from the person who isn’t actually tagging said blog because that would amount to...social interaction *shudders* on social media.

21.Feminine, masculine, androgynous - or none of those things?

I don’t like to describe my gender in terms of gender, because I find that limiting and uncomfortable.

In terms of gender presentation, I once described a LARP character I was playing as “nerdy low masc,” and I suppose that describes me too.

22. What are your three favorite things about yourself?

13.Tell us a fun fact about yourself (gender-related or random!)

Well, there’s my go-to gender fact, which is that if you play somewhat fast and loose with etymology, my name means “short female man,” and that is not an inaccurate description of how I see my gender.

14.How did you find your name?

I actually like my given name (regardless of it meaning “short female man”). It’s not exactly gender neutral, but it’s not a common girl’s name, and it has masculine variations with alternate spellings.

I do have a “boy name” that I gave myself as a kid and feel attached to, but I don’t want anyone to actually call me that. It’s like a middle name--it’s mine, but it’s not what I answer to.

15.If you’re in a relationship, how did your partner react to your coming-out?

I don’t have a romantic partner, but all my friends just went with it (once they stopped being confused...)

16.Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other or something else?

1.Which labels do you use?

Genderqueer. I like it better than nonbinary because it feels more like a personal affirmation of what I am, and less like a factual statement of what I am not. Also the flag is prettier.

2.What are your pronouns?

They/them. It took me an awfully long time to start using them mostly because she/her never really bothered me (and still doesn’t). But it really is ok to make decisions motivated entirely by happiness!

3.How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary?

20, more or less.

4.What’s one thing you’d like to tell your younger self?

No one inherently knows they’re nonbinary and then magically has all the answers. Everyone has to come to that realization for themself, and then figure out what it means to them, personally. Nonbinary isn’t the third category in the gender trinary, it’s a catchall term for a whole garden of people, and you can do whatever the hell you want to.

17.A piece of advice for questioning kids?

Do what makes you happy, and don’t put a name to it. It doesn’t actually matter whether you’re secretly a woman or secretly a man or bigender or agender, as long as you’re doing things that make you happy. Anyone of any gender can look and act like anything, have any body, want any body, use any words. Just do things that make you happy.

(and you don’t actually have to be a kid to be questioning)

18.Which flag(s) do you use?

The genderqueer one, primarily. I like the colors, and it’s a lowkey, logical enough combination that you can routinely wear pride merch without it looking deliberate. 

Although about a year ago I realized that the nonbinary flag is the same colors as a pansy, and this delights me.

19.Any tips for bad days?

9.Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too?

Yeah

10.Do you have a favorite lgbt+ character?

Uh...most of the characters I love are probably queer, honestly, either explicitly or so almost explicitly it might as well be canon. I love Adam Parrish, from The Raven Cycle, and Nick Carraway, from The Great Gatsby....someone told me Lila Bard from Shades of Magic is supposed to be genderqueer, and I have decided Skye Penderwick is an aroace lesbian, because she can be.

11. Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+… which one do you usually use?

Queer. If I have to write it out as a string of discrete letters, I’ll usually use LGBTQIA, although I really prefer not to if queer will describe the same group of people.

12. How do you explain the term “nonbinary” to people who have no idea what it means?