#navyproud

Yesterday made week 1 officially over. It has been a full week since I’ve talked to her and since I’ve seen her.

It’s been difficult living a normal life without her. I often find myself feeling empty. I’ve written her everyday since she left, in hopes it helps with our sanity. Most of my free time is spent getting lost in mindless television or resting my eyes so time would race through faster. Motivation to do anything is almost non-existent. I try to prevent myself from digging a black hole and force myself to do things with her whispering positive things into my mind. Yet, I haven’t done the things I threatened her I would do: play video games, absorb all the music I desire, and frolic through various canvases with a creative mind. I keep telling myself, I’m still adjusting. I’ve had too many sleepless nights and its made adjusting very difficult. I hope it happens quick.

Despite all these melancholy emotions, I still tended to the boring and sometimes frustrating, responsible aspects of our life. There are many benefits available to active duty serviceman and their families. SCRA, Servicemember Civl Relief Act is a federal law that helps ease legal and financial burden of military personnel and their families. The purpose is to “devote their entire energy to the defense needs of the Nation." Knowing that my wife and I had this available to us definitely helped ease the financial aspects in our life. So I spent a few days contacting our creditors, sending requests for the benefit, as well as sending copies of my wife’s active duty orders. Barclay credit card offered a zero percent interest rate with no late fees if we approved.

I’ve also been working on getting some type of information on DEERS (Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System). One of the requirements my wife had to take with her was my identification card (along with marriage license, birth certificate and social security card). I wasn’t able to give it to her because all I had was my drivers license. So instead, we opted to get a power of attorney. So I wanted to make sure my wife was able to enroll me. I had also cancelled our health insurance earlier this month and was to take effect October 31st. We are currently only living off of my paycheck so I wanted to get my wife’s paychecks squared away. So these are some important details that needed to get taken care of as soon as possible.

There is not very many resources available to new military spouses. So really I wasn’t sure of what to expect. I began reaching out to other spouses that were in the same class as mine but they were as clueless as I was. Then I contacted the local DEERS office. They told me that she was not in the system. And then, I found a blog from a Navy wife who went through the same process as I, and recommended contacting the Ombudsman. It is a person who is appointed to investigate concerns of spouses. This is definitely a great resource. I e-mailed the Ombudsman from my wife’s current base and received an e-mail Saturday night saying she would contact the RDC (Recruiting Division Commander). Come Monday, I received a phone call with the information I was looking for. I was told it takes one to two weeks for everything to process, and that I shouldn’t have to do anything on my part as far as enrolling into DEERS, but they encouraged me to continue contacting DEERS. Well, I am extremely happy to say that the phone call was from my wife.

The Ombudsman was able to contact the RDC, who in turned passed the message on to me via my wife. I am so lucky and so thankful to have received the call because phone calls were technically not allowed until after passage of RLP (Room Locker Personnel). They could have sent me the info via e-mail but instead they had my wife call.

Hearing her voice brought happiness to my heart. I trained myself to not expect a call for at least a few weeks. So this was definitely a nice surprise. She sounded like the wife I adore so much; she was happy and very positive. I hope our conversation with one another rejuvenated her strength and energy to continue on. I know it did for me.

Within the span of two years,  my wife and I’s life has changed dramatically. On June 26, 2013, the Supreme Court turned away Prop 8, leaving the decision of its unconstitutionality by the lower court to remain, allowing gay marriages to begin in California. During that very same day of decision, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was struck down.

Our wants of marriage was put on hold when California’s Prop 8 passed on November 8, 2008. It was 5-years of anger and heartbreak at the injustice we felt for what 52% of the citizens of California quickly took away from my wife and I. Finally, our relationship was equal in the eyes of California, our home state. We quickly picked our wedding date, March 8, 2014 and venue, Sunset Ranch in Pupukea, Hawaii.

Hawaii was my second home. I was born and raised there, but left for California on my own after my high school graduation. Despite the move, Hawaii held my heart. In November of 2013, the Hawaii Marriage Equality Act was signed by Governor Neil Abercrombie. Aloha filled our hearts and everything was falling in to place.

Our wedding day was filled with so much love and aloha from both sides of our family. And It broke away the countless years of pain and struggle we felt in our lives for loving someone of the same sex. Our relationship was finally being acknowledged as equal.

After our marriage, my wife mentioned an agreement I made with her about joining the Armed Services. She could join the military when our marriage becomes official. With it legal in our home states of Hawaii and California, official on the federal level and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell no longer a policy, I couldn’t say no. So in August of 2014, she begun the process of becoming a candidate as an Officer for the US Navy.

Like a good wife, I supported her decision. But questions always popped in my mind with the legality of same-sex marriage existing only in a portion of the states. What if the Navy moved us to a state where our marriage is not acknowledged? Will the move fall under the jurisdiction of the federal government or the state? What if we wanted to have kids? Will she be recognized as their legal guardian? These were  important but daunting questions that we had to consider. Outside of home, the legalities of our marriage was in a limbo. Despite all this, we both decided to move forward with this decision.

But like everything falling in to place during our marriage, on June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges, in which state-level bans on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional.