#lesbiannavy

So yesterday was the day I had to drop my wife off at the airport. The ride over was quite difficult. I couldn’t speak so all I could do was firmly hold on to her hand. I was glad her family was in the car with us; it helped take her attention away from my silence. Her sister, who sat in front of us, reached her hand above and behind her head. My wife grabbed it and clenched on to it. Her moving away from home was becoming less translucent and more apparent. And when she said her first bye to her father, the tears that were welling in her eyes made it real.

We all walked her to the bottom of the security entrance and chatted for a bit longer. When it was time for her to go, her first hug was given to her sister. It was followed by her mom, her brother and myself. By the time she reached me, her tears fell on my shoulder and my cheeks brushed her dampened cheeks. In our relationship, when one of us was in tears, the other was the strength. In this case, I wanted to be her strength. We embraced so tight and kept expressing the love we had for one another. She reminded me that it was only a few weeks and I told her we were one day closer to being together again. 

We walked her to the entrance of the security area and stood behind the roped off section. I followed her movements through the zig zagged line. Every time our eyes met, I gave her a smile which she gave back in return. And every time we could, we waved our hands out to her. We couldn’t and didn’t want to let go of her until she disappeared from our line of vision. And even when that happened, we kept texting one another until she had to shut her phone off for departure.

Coming home was difficult. The minute I stepped my foot in, the strength I tried holding on to disappeared in to the tears that were flowing down my face. Home no longer felt like home because she wasn’t here. It became an empty space that contained her belongings that only reminded me of her absence. She was only going to be gone for a few months, but my heart felt like it would be an eternity. And that pained me. We have never been separated in this way before, a complete disconnect from one another for an unknown period of time. 

I opened a box she hid as a surprise for me, for when this day came. It contained twelve lollipops with a description that said “Time Apart Sucks”, and thirteen envelopes. She has always thought about my well-being and this was an example of it. It was a visual example of how quick these next twelve weeks will pass.

Since today was just a travel day to Rhode Island, we had the ability to talk. When she made her first call to me since we separated a few hours prior, I again couldn’t control my tears. But the tear ducts eventually dried and I was able to maintain a good conversation with her for the rest of the day, except for one other time. Thanks to modern technology, we had the ability to face time each other. Again, at that moment, I couldn’t stop my tears. She is the love of my life, my everything, my soul mate, and my breath. My heart refuses to breathe till she’s home again. So during those moments, my heart exhaled sadness because I knew it was temporary. 

My alarm went off at 3:00am the following morning. It would be 6:00am Rhode Island time. She had to report at 9:00am and so we wanted to talk and face-time for awhile before we lost communication completely. We talked while she got dressed, while she walked through the cold thirty five degree weather, till she reached her destination. Our final bye felt rushed. A simple I love you was said to one another, followed by a text with her class information and that the single phone call she would get today would be going to her mom. I responded with three messages, one to pass any news on to her mother about what I need to do to get my dependent benefits, and a second and third that simply expressed my love for her and how proud she made me. Unfortunately, I don’t think the last two made it to her. The two important ones. I think she had immediately turned her phone off after she sent the message. It wasn’t what I wanted my last words to her, be.

The rest of the day was spent watching television and doing little chores here and there. Simple acts showed me things I’ve taken for granted from her. Things like her carrying cat food when we would go to the store to buy it, or her neatly unwrapping a candy bar so it was easy to re-wrap. She has literally made my life easier because of her willingness to do things for me. She always told me she wanted to make life easy on me. But there were moments when I’ve expressed my frustrations with her taking simple tasks away from me. It was never her intent to make me feel belittled, but to feel taken care of. Today, I am even more so thankful for her. It seems her absence will teach me things I shouldn’t take for granted and how to be a better wife than I am now. I am certain by the end of her officer training, our relationship will be even stronger.

It is now 11:35pm and there still has been no news as to my wife’s communication with her mother. At 7:12pm California time, her mother informed me there has been no calls. I’ve read through various experiences on the first day of reporting to officer candidate school. With that knowledge, all I can wonder if she is doing okay. She has been on my mind all day, and I’m pretty sure that’s where she’ll stay till she’s home again. 

Within the span of two years,  my wife and I’s life has changed dramatically. On June 26, 2013, the Supreme Court turned away Prop 8, leaving the decision of its unconstitutionality by the lower court to remain, allowing gay marriages to begin in California. During that very same day of decision, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was struck down.

Our wants of marriage was put on hold when California’s Prop 8 passed on November 8, 2008. It was 5-years of anger and heartbreak at the injustice we felt for what 52% of the citizens of California quickly took away from my wife and I. Finally, our relationship was equal in the eyes of California, our home state. We quickly picked our wedding date, March 8, 2014 and venue, Sunset Ranch in Pupukea, Hawaii.

Hawaii was my second home. I was born and raised there, but left for California on my own after my high school graduation. Despite the move, Hawaii held my heart. In November of 2013, the Hawaii Marriage Equality Act was signed by Governor Neil Abercrombie. Aloha filled our hearts and everything was falling in to place.

Our wedding day was filled with so much love and aloha from both sides of our family. And It broke away the countless years of pain and struggle we felt in our lives for loving someone of the same sex. Our relationship was finally being acknowledged as equal.

After our marriage, my wife mentioned an agreement I made with her about joining the Armed Services. She could join the military when our marriage becomes official. With it legal in our home states of Hawaii and California, official on the federal level and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell no longer a policy, I couldn’t say no. So in August of 2014, she begun the process of becoming a candidate as an Officer for the US Navy.

Like a good wife, I supported her decision. But questions always popped in my mind with the legality of same-sex marriage existing only in a portion of the states. What if the Navy moved us to a state where our marriage is not acknowledged? Will the move fall under the jurisdiction of the federal government or the state? What if we wanted to have kids? Will she be recognized as their legal guardian? These were  important but daunting questions that we had to consider. Outside of home, the legalities of our marriage was in a limbo. Despite all this, we both decided to move forward with this decision.

But like everything falling in to place during our marriage, on June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges, in which state-level bans on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional.