#narcisists

2019 I moved out of nyc to Maryland. Every weekend for atleast a month, I have moved boxed belongings, 2 full sized rugs and of course consistent eBay deliveries of blanket set, sheet set, plant seeds and other much needed things that weighed pounds less than what I was toting a month of weekends. “I HATE MOVING”! However, I understand the necessity. While I’m making such a transition, I was forced to tote hard emotions of being pissed on by “loved ones”. Especially my “partner” whom I dumped due to selfishness and advantage taking. My world has been in a tail spin since 2015, honestly. The Love of my life died (My little brother) that year then my father followed months later. I managed by not dealing with my emotions and burying myself in heavy-duty, lengthy, laborious work hours. I had a short circle of Sister-in-law(s) and others that behaved selfishly. While I was making moves to leave one toxic environment I didn’t realize I was moving into another.

By the time I completely moved to my destination, I came down with pneumonia and was forced into serious downtime. My landlord was paid 2 months of rent and that bitch became a dirt devil vacuum! She constantly pushed for more money knowing I had none. I recovered enough to be able to do shopping and travel in and around town to both get to now the new environment as well as get what’s needed before snowfall. I was on a break from work 23rd December and recovered by New Year’s Eve to work a catering gig which paid poorly and taxed heavily. Still the demand for money kept coming. The landlord was beginning her family as this was her 2nd pregnancy by same guy she moved into the home while I occupied the basement. Over time she spitefully moved her old furniture into the basement ignoring our deal. After the holidays I travelled back to nyc for work but stayed at a friends apartment for easier inner city commutes during NYC legendary bitter winters. Rent wasn’t due and I was sharing my paychecks 3-ways anyway: Food for me +2 (verbal agreement with then friend’s mother), I started heavily smoking marijuana indicas to keep from blowing a fucking gasket on people, and helping out sister-in-law with monetary funds to feed my niece (so I thought). One day I only had $50 on me and said sister called once again begging for money. When I cash app her $50 her response was “That’s It”! I almost lost my shit but I was high so I explained very carefully to her not to push my buttons. She took the money and hung up. Atleast I have peace before the next payday. I thought... A lot has happened from December to February and I moved my belongings from Maryland to nyc. I gave landlord $50 the 2nd to last visit since she had no food, but, all I could think was “I will never be her friend again, nor will I keep communication”.

Every leach I had on me was cut-off. Then there was my exboyfriend now my fiancé (on probation, indefinitely). A year later I am incommunicado to everyone I know except 3 people. Then the quarantine happended. What everyone in mylife at the time had in common is that they had plans to graduate their lifestyle to higher levels but they all tried to cheat their way to the punchline. Now, they all try to reach out to me to this day pleading for help. “GET A JOB”! Then they were blocked and I have deleted all social media accounts to from now on. I will communicate another way. Inperson! Since I have cut these ties, I was able to be more consistent with achieving a planned goal. Of course, now my oldest family members thought it was a good idea to go that same route, a of today, they are unapologetically cut off. I am not planning to borrow money, I am a grown ass woman! I can wait for my next payday! I by nature am a saver, conservationist and an investor of all things Business and MY OWN LIFE.

I hear that Optimus Prime #13 is going to be ‘Starscream the Movie’ so... I went and sketch-painted the above after seeing the below poster for diamonds are forever.

Think about it, if you’re a giver then takers will be drawn to you.  Its not your fault.  You have to learn how to give without being taken advantage of.  Givers have usually learned that giving is one of the most important things humans can do for one another and the earth and so, they are usually hesitant to stop giving in any capacity regardless of who may be taking from them and how it may be affecting them.  

if you are a giver you can keep giving.  but i challenge you to question who you are giving to.  is there someone who needs your gifts more than those who come and take indiscriminately from you?