#nano2012

 Overture

            n. the instrumental opening at the beginning of an opera; an introduction to something more substantial; an approach or proposal made to someone with the aim of opening negotiations or establishing a relationship    

                In which

                                The actors take stage

                                The audience is seated

                                And silence descends upon the theater.              

Chapter 01 –It’s getting cold…

When I woke up, the first thing I saw was the pale yellow light that came from a single bulb encased in a metal fixture.

I quickly shut my eyes closed again. The light was absolutely blinding, and I could still see flashes of light behind my eyes. After a few seconds, I push my head up from its bent back position, groaning lightly. There was a splitting headache that was like a little sculptor that hammered away at my skull. I reached my hand to rub away the ache – as if that would have actually helped – only to find that my hands were tied behind me.  Craning my head, I saw that they were tied to a wooden chair by a smooth cord of rope. The person who tied me up must have not been very clever, because the knot was right in my hand’s reach. Hah. Stupid. Within a few minutes, I managed to untie the knot with my left hand. The rope fell down limply, and I began to untie my legs from the chair. My hands and arms ached, and I wondered how long I had been sitting there. If it was an eternity, I wouldn’t have been surprised. My limbs felt numb and unfamiliar, and as I clenched my hands, it felt like I was using them for the first time. Once I untied myself, I stood up, and nearly fell right back down. I yelped, annoyed. Pain shot up my spine, and I slowly tried and stand up. It really wasn’t a good start to a day.

Taking my first real look around me, I noticed that there wasn’t much. Nothing but black. There was nothing else in the place except for the light, myself, and the floor my feet were pressed firmly against.

No, there was something else. A body.

A person lay on the floor with something clutched in his hand. I hesitantly prodded it with my foot. Nothing. It looked like a male, and he was probably unconscious. It’s a weird place to be unconscious, I thought, but I didn’t think too much of it. What do you even do with an unconscious body…

And, doing what any other rational person does when coming across a random body, I kicked him. He rolled onto his side and but didn’t make any other movements. Not even a twitch of a muscle or a sharp intake of breath. His hands that were covered in gloves now limply sat by his sides, and something rolled out of his still fingers. I reached towards it and brought it towards the single light. It looked like a syringe, but it was empty. I put it to the side and placed my fingers against his wrist. I pressed hard and tried to feel for anything, a small beat, a pulse. But there was nothing. I leaned in closer to hear if he was breathing, but he was completely still.

I really don’t know why I did what I did next, but I pinched the guy’s nose. I figured that if he was alive, he’d gasp for air or something. He didn’t. (It briefly crossed my mind that maybe doing that killed him, but I didn’t think too much of it. I also considered shoving the chair against him to see if he would wake up. But I thought I was doing enough dumb things for one day that I should just stop.) In the end, I came to the conclusion that I hoped wasn’t true: he was dead.

I recoiled back a bit. Dead bodies are never a good sign. But, as I put his hand in mine again, it still felt warm. How long has he been dead? He had dark brown hair that fell against his neck, and, on an impulse, I brushed the strands away. There was a small puncture wound on his neck with a little bit of blood around it. Was it from the syringe?

He wore all black, with a few knives strapped to his belt. Some were longer than others, and I vaguely wondered why he had them.  I shivered and slowly backed away from him. Being alone with a dead body was enough to make me nervous.

I stared back at the light. It looked like it was just floating, but I knew that couldn’t be right. It needed electricity to work. I climbed up on the chair and reached up towards the bulb.

There was a sudden bright flash of light that caused me to stumble backwards off the chair. I fell with a thump, my backside aching even more, but now a soft light that emanated from everywhere. I squinted my eyes, and slowly opened them back up.

The place was shaped like a sphere, and the walls were completely flat. Except for a gray door that was at the end of the long platform that I stood on. As far I could tell, there was no source of light that could have possibly lit the room as it did. The platform that I stood on was only supported by the fact that it was connected to the wall underneath the door, I observed, after pressing myself flat against the platform and peering underneath it. There was nothing. (That immediately made me feel nervous. I mean, how could a little thin platform support my weight? Granted I probably didn’t weight that much, but I suddenly felt dizzy looking at it.)

I suddenly didn’t want to be around this dead body any longer than I really had to. Something in me nagged at me to stay though. Maybe it was some kind of lingering curiosity as to who he was, but his stillness was unnerving. I strode down the platform, ready to get out of the place I had woken up in.

I slowed down during my walk though. The platform was white, highly polished, and I could see my reflection in it. Albeit colorless and slightly distorted, I could make out the image of a sinewy teenage-boy staring back at me. Everything was white-washed though. I was sure that I wasn’t entire black and gray, but my hair looked like it was black before it faded to a lighter gray. I grabbed a few strands of my hair. It was black, but oddly it did lighten out at the tips, turning into a light blond color. Weird. But I had more important things on my mind besides weird hair. Like getting out.

The gray door at the end of the platform was closed shut. There was a keypad and an intricate-looking locking mechanism on it, so I expected it to be locked. But after giving it an experimental poke, it crashed to the ground with a clanging resoluteness that was deafening in the silence, revealing streaks of red on the other side.

Red. Red. Dark, crimson red was splashed on the steel walls behind the door. I cautiously stepped into the hallway, the iron stench of blood overwhelming me. I almost stumbled back, but I quickly regained my senses. In the hallway, there were bodies littered on the ground. Everywhere I looked, it was just another body slumped on another. There was barely any empty space. If there wasn’t a body, there was blood filling the gaps that were the snow-white tiles of the floor. They all wore helmets that covered their faces, formfitting gray jackets and pants with gray boots. I couldn’t help but think about how much of a tasteless color gray was, but it was all covered in a sickening red. (Whoever made up their dress code must have had absolutely no taste at all. Maybe some earth tones would have been nice. Or if they absolutely had to be gray, then blue-gray. But no. Plain old boring gray that was exactly the same as the walls.)

My boots splashed in the pool of blood that lay around the body of a man dressed differently than the rest. His clothes were pure white, not gray, but even that was tainted. I then noticed something strange: there were no entry wounds on any of the bodies. All of their clothes were intact without any rips or tears at all, and, now that I considered it, they could have all been sleeping peacefully if it wasn’t for all the obvious bloodshed.

I wondered if the person I saw next to me in the room was related to any of this. He was dead, they were dead, everyone was dead. Isn’t there anyone alive? It was so quiet, quiet except for the splashing of blood and the thunks of my footsteps.  I morbidly watched streaks of blood run down the wall, and it occurred to me that the blood was fresh. None of it was dry. It still glistened in the bright light of the hallway, like polished rubies. (It would have been pleasanter if they were rubies.) What happened?

I pressed my palm against the cool metal of the corridor, and let my fingers trail behind me as I continued wandering the halls. Sometimes they smudged over the blood that dripped in long strands, but I didn’t take them off. Five staggering lines wove their way through the walls like a mark of my existence in the place. It was almost like leaving behind a trail of where I had been in the unfamiliar halls. Wasn’t there something about sticking to one side of a wall could eventually get you out of a maze? Maybe that’s what I was doing. Trying to get out of a maze.

As I walked I came to a hole that had to be at least the size of me blasted into the left wall. There seemed to be more dead bodies around there, slumped on top of each other like fallen trees. I ducked my head a bit and entered the room behind the hole, where thousands of different monitors and buttons sat. Nothing seemed to be working though. Buttons were unlit, and the monitors were either black or an eerie shade of blue.  Except for one. One monitor was still on, with a blinking cursor underneath white letters.

Password?

A password? The heck… I hoped that the computer had something worth reading that could answer my questions as to what exactly went on in the place as I searched the room. It was foolish, I realized, to hope that a password was conveniently written down on some pap – or maybe it wasn’t. There were some stray papers with numbers scrawled all over them, and some blank pages as well. Underneath all of the useless sheets was a paper with the number “78737” circled in black pen. It was worth a shot, wasn’t it? I went back to the monitor and slowly typed in the numbers. Hovering over the enter key for a few seconds, I pushed down, hoping that everything didn’t just simply explode in front of me.

Thankfully it didn’t, and the computer smoothly closed out the password box and opened up a minimalistic screen. Whoever was stupid enough to leave a password lying on a piece of paper in plain sight should have been kicked out of the place. Or maybe they never thought that people would try and “break” into their system. (Or maybe that was just what they did around here. They must have had a bunch of stupid people here. People who couldn’t tie knots, people who couldn’t remember their own passwords and left them in plain sight… I sighed.) It didn’t matter, and it was probably a good thing since I was able to get into it. I slid in into a chair that sat in front of the monitor. There was a window with a list of different files that it looked like I could click on. I tried the first one labeled “Log 01”.

Error: File cannot be retrieved. No file path detected. Contact advisor for help or click here to troubleshoot.

I couldn’t very well just find an “advisor”. If there was an advisor, they were probably one of the many dead ones in the hallway. Clicking on troubleshoot just gave a list of things that included rebooting the system and making sure drivers were in the right place – whatever that meant. Closing out of that window, I tried clicking on the next Log.

Error: File cannot be retrieved. No file path detected. Contact advisor for help or click here to troubleshoot.

I twitched in annoyance, and scrolled to the last log in frustration.

Warning: File may be corrupted. Continue?

Oh, goodie. A file that I could open but was “corrupted”. Whatever that meant. But it wasn’t my computer anyway, and if something happened…it wasn’t going to be my problem. As long as it didn’t blow up in my face. I pressed the enter key anyway, and waited for a response.

A new window appeared. It was difficult to read what it said, as it was blocked with random symbols and letters. But I was able to pick apart some information if I read it slowly enough. Words like “subject” and “experiment” constantly popped up. There was the mention of being “closer to our goal” and “reaching a final product”. I wondered what kind of final product it could be. There was more about “our organization will be benefiting society” and other variations all over the file. It was almost annoying.

One part stuck out though, and maybe that was the most important thing I could even get out of the document.

Subject Zion has shown progress and here it was garbled and impossible to pick out anything be used to test the experimental solution. The trial will commence this afternoon. We expect satisfactory results, as the solution has been perfected from Subject and it was messed up here and the end too.

Zion. I said it out loud and let the letters roll off my tongue. Zion. I wondered who that subject was. And then it suddenly hit me.

I didn’t know who I was.

Why I didn’t notice it before, I didn’t know. But the thing was, realized that I didn’t know anything. Not anything that mattered. What does it matter if you know about some random subject if you don’t even know your own name? I didn’t know who I was, how old I was, if I had any family or friends, or why I was even here. Why am I even here anyway?

You see, it’s a crazy thing to realize that you can’t remember anything. The fact that you don’t know anything bothers you, but the fact that you know that you don’t know bothers you equally as much.

Was I a “subject”? The thought was in my head for a bit, and the more I thought about it, the less I could come up with an answer to it. There was nothing to say that I was a subject, or anything to say that I wasn’t.  I was in some kind of facility, a testing place, I deduced. Being tied to a chair doesn’t usually harbor good things happening to you, and judging from the last Log that I read, could I possibly be Subject Zion? There wasn’t anything to show for that in the slightest. I buried my face into my hands.

Needless to say, I panicked a bit. My hands once again felt numb and shivers ran though my body. My breaths were shaky and I trembled in the leather chair I sat in. So many thoughts raced in my head and nothing made sense. Who am I who are you what are you who you I me you we I who what I tried to do something to calm down, anything. My thoughts were mushing together into useless garble that made my head hurt. I tried count numbers but by the time I reached 83, I realized that it wasn’t helping and my legs were still shaking. I wanted to scream in frustration. Maybe I’ll just count sheep, I thought bitterly. And so I began to count. One sheep…Two sheeps… Three sheeps…Four she – wait. Sheep. How do I even know what sheep are?

I stopped. Sheep. Sheep. Soft white fat fluffy things that look like walking clouds. Yeah. Sheep. How do I know… When I thought further, I realized that it wasn’t that I couldn’t remember anything. It was the memories that I was missing. I knew of houses and books and music and horses and rivers and clouds, but I couldn’t remember anything specific about them. I had remembered what snow was and what rubies were and some random science-y terms. It was like I was just an encyclopedia of information. This should have reassured me, but I wasn’t. In fact it bothered me more. There were no memories attached to the information that I knew. It was like being a robot, a computer. What’s a human without memories?

I wanted to cry right there and then.

A red flashing light startled me out of my near breakdown. I looked up. It came from a fixture from the ceiling. Moments after that, a loud robotic voice echoed through the halls. The words it said flashed across the monitor I had just been looking at.

Warning. Warning. Lab 49 has experienced a containment breach of an unknown source. We advise you to evacuate the facility immediately. 49 contained a material of unknown capabilities. Proceed with caution. Warning. Warning. Lab 49 has experienced...

The message repeated again with the same prerecorded voice. It took a few seconds for me to register what the words meant. Containment breach of an unknown source. That means… I leapt off of the chair I sat on and peered around the hole that was the “entrance” of the room. It didn’t look like there was anything suspicious outside. But I didn’t know what I was looking for. There was just a bunch of dead bodies…as per usual. The red lights appeared every so often around the hall, and the bounced off of the metal walls and blood. It made it look as though the entire place was bathed in it. The monotonous words echoed through the corridor. Warning. Warning. War -

A sound. A faint giggle seemed to echo through the halls along with the recorded voice reached my ears and rang a thousand times in my brain. It seemed louder than the warning that was repeated over and over. A giggle? I thought I was the only person here…but the containment brea –  

There was a loud beep behind me.

I whipped around. The screen that had been flashing the warning had changed. It now read:

I am coming for you.

I made a split second decision right there and then that I had to get the hell out of there.

I ran. And stumbled. I jumped over the bodies without much thought as my head was still chilled with the idea of not being alone in a place of dead people. A necropolis. And the containment breech. And the words.

How could that have possibly appeared? All the other systems seemed to be automated. The message didn’t seem like it was a preprogrammed type of thing. The smell of iron suddenly seemed stronger than it was before and my head felt dizzy. I have no idea how far I ran or which halls I took. Left, right, right, left, right, left, left… I lost track. It didn’t matter. It felt like there was something behind me, something chasing me that was right at my heels. Was it the escaped thing from Lab 49? I didn’t even know what it was, or what it was capable of, but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out.

I found myself standing before a large, gaping hole, a hole larger than the one that was blasted into the room with the monitor. And it led outside. There were tall evergreens and maples that stretched to a sky that was still blue. The air felt so fresh and clean compared to the tainted smell of blood that I had become so used to breathing in.

Taking the steps outside of the strange place I had ended up in was harder than I expected. My legs felt heavy, weighted down by some kind of unknown force or unconscious thought, but I thought I could hear the giggle echoing down the halls that bounced off the walls and spreading through the untainted air. Everything seemed covered in that giggle. It was no simple child’s laugh, it was a laugh that contained so much subtle malice that I couldn’t handle it without wanting to bend over and retch.

I slowly walked to a tree where I leaned against it to steady myself. I glanced back at the place again, and by the entrance I thought I could see a little white flower against shades of crimson. I swear that I stopped breathing for a few seconds, because I was almost sure that the flower wasn’t there when I had stood there moments ago. And then I bolted.

I ran hard. I didn’t look back, and my body cried from the strain that I put it under but all I could think to myself was don’t stop don’t stop don’t you dare stop stop stop stop DON’T STOP –

I didn’t know how long I ran for. Maybe I ran for a few seconds, a few minutes, hours? I didn’t know and I didn’t care because by the time I stopped, I couldn’t see the facility down the long path that I forced myself to run down. I wondered how far away I was from that dreaded place. I looked in the distance and saw thin smoke trails in the air off to my left. There must be someone there. Hopefully someone who could help.

Walking, I though absentmindedly about where I should go next.

The Other Worlde.

I stopped yet again. What was that? A voice? I whipped my head around trying to find just who it was but there was only me in the forest. Maybe I wasn’t the only one in the forest, but the voice was so clear, like it was right next to me…

Tainted…dreams…

I heard it again. Like a whisper that could have easily been the wind, but I could hear it clearly in my head. It was too much. Everything has become too much. I shook my head. After being in a place full of dead bodies, you’re bound to hear some weird things… That’s what I told myself. Dismissing the voice I just heard was easier than pushing away the laugh that I had heard in the place. The laugh was too real, and I could still feel the malevolent nature that was laced in it.

I didn’t understand any of what was going on. The facility, the subjects, the lab, the laugh, the dead bodies, the blood, the message, the dead person with the syringe… It was all too much. I could feel myself coming apart with each second I stayed. I wanted to leave. I had a desperate desire to leave. And with a hesitant look back in the direction of the facility that was probably miles behind me, I walked slowly and evenly towards the smoke, and didn’t look back.

I thought that was the last I would ever have to see of it.

  Chapter 02 – It’s weird because

I didn’t know how long I walked for in the forest. It might have only been an hour, it could have been three and I still wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. The smoke trail ahead of me was my only marker and destination at the moment, even though I had no idea where it led. I stayed along a wide dirt path that led from the facility to the direction of the smoke, which I found oddly strange. It was so far away from any source of civilization, and there was a path that led to…somewhere. I just hoped it wasn’t a place with more dead bodies. It would be nice to come across something living for a change. I could probably run up and hug the nearest living being if I could. (An animal probably would have worked too. Anything would have been a welcome change.)

I hadn’t seen anything alive on the dirt path. Nothing on the branches of the trees, or anything scurrying the undergrowth. There wasn’t even a single bird in the cloudless sky. I didn’t like the thought of being alone. And it was a little cold. I was only dressed in a thin, short-sleeved white shirt and loose gray pants. I wished I had a jacket or a longer sleeved shirt at the very least. The chill in the air didn’t help with the emptiness of the forest.

It probably would have been worse if there was nothing. At least there were trees. Trees were nice. They were tall and had green leaves, and had interesting leaf shapes. One had oval shaped leaves and the next one had triangular shaped leaves and the next also had oval shaped leaves and…so…did the next… And the next couple trees were also tall. And green. And brown. But the next few trees were brown! And green. And…tall… Okay, so really no matter how hard I looked at it all, the trees were really boring. Nothing was that interesting about the trees. The dirt path wasn’t much better since it was just dirt. And dirt. And more dirt. Maybe there’d be an exciting rock on the dir – Nope. It was like the world was trying its hardest to be boring to annoy me. Well congrats, Mother Nature. You win this round.  

To busy myself with something besides the ever-so-exciting scenery, I tried to see if I could remember anything.

I tried thinking about how I got to the facility. But I couldn’t come up with anything besides the thought of being there with its gruesome landscape. Nothing before what I had already experienced came to mind. Thinking harder about what had happened didn’t unlock anything new either. I thought it might be a good idea to try focusing on something else, like my name. Not even anything remotely like a wisp of a memory like a name came to mind. Except…

Zion. That one name kept on appearing in my mind. I said the name out loud a few times, savoring the sound of it. Saying it brought a small sense of familiarity to me. But I didn’t know where that feeling would have come from. I didn’t have any previous memories of the name, so why did I have that kind of odd attraction to it? Had it once been mine?

Frowning, I continued to think. And what was with that strange voice? I stopped and tried listening, as if listening to the silence would suddenly allow me to hear the voice carried by the wind.

There was nothing. I briefly wondered if I was going crazy. I brushed it off with a laugh. Me? Crazy? Never… More shaky laughs followed before I shut my mouth.

Maybe you are going crazy.

I jumped. There it was again. The voice. It was louder now, not like the breath that it was before, and it “spoke” full sentences. But there wasn’t anyone around me to say anything, so it had to be from…myself? My head? It was an idea that I refused to believe. If it was a voice inside my head, was it my voice or another voice altogether? I suddenly felt uncomfortable. If it was a voice inside my head, there were so many things wrong with the idea that I didn’t even want to start anywhere. But if it was my own head… Wasn’t there some kind of mental disorder that had to do with voices inside of your head? If your own mind thinks you’re going crazy, you don’t exactly have much of an option to agree or disagree. But maybe it was better if it was just a random voice that wormed its way inside my head. However that worked.

My head started to hurt again. It was probably the result of thinking about weird things too much. Deciding that it was better to stop thinking altogether, I shut my thoughts out as best as I could and walked the path in silence.

In silence without my thoughts that threatened to eat away my sanity.

--

At the first sight of a house, I nearly cried with joy.

The sky was starting to turn a darker shade of blue with a tint of pink over the trees. I found some source of civilization before dark, which was enough to for a celebration, but the idea of finally finding some place where there were living people filled me with overwhelming happiness. I resisted the urge to give hugs to random people.

It was a small town, I judged, as there were cozy little homes nested against each other and small shops with their doors open. The houses were simple two-story buildings with red roofs and white walls. Flowered curtains covered the windows, and a few clothes-lines ran from each house. Some candles were being lit behind the windows. The streets were paved with stones and guarded on the side with tall iron lamp posts.

But the lamp posts weren’t the best part. There were children – real living children! –playing outside on the stone streets in front of the houses. There were some people wandering the streets. One person carried a ladder and a long stick. There was a bag in his hand, and I watched him go from lamp light to lamp light. He’d take a match and light it, and then lighting a candle in turn, which was attached to the stick. He’d then slowly light the candles in the lamp posts, giving them a warm glow. He seemed to be the only one out on the street with a true purpose. Everyone else seemed to be wandering in pairs or groups, others walked alone. But the thing was, they all walked with some kind of purpose. It might have not been like a duty they had to fulfill, but they belonged in a place like this.

Maybe they had lived in the town all their lives, and it was all they knew. Maybe they grew up knowing everyone in the town, and when there was someone new, it was obvious. Maybe that was why I could feel the curious stares aimed my way. Whenever I looked around to see where these stares came from, they all seemed to walk a little faster, turn in the other direction a little bit more than they were before. I didn’t know what to do, but this realization brought on another thought that saddened me.

Did I belong anywhere? Could I belong anywhere? A boy with no past or memories, where could he ever fit in? Everyone in the town has a past and a present, but I… What did I have? Memories of red and blood and broken computers and malevolent laughs. What kind of memories are those anyway? (Horrible ones. Those aren’t the kind of things that you want to remember as a first experience.)

“Oi. You.”

Huh? I snapped out of my thoughts for a moment and looked around for the voice.

“You, boy. Here.”

I looked to my left. There was a stout man with thinning blond hair on his head. He had a white apron tied to his front. His arms were crossed and he had a frown on his face. It wasn’t exactly a frown, but more of an unreadable expression that seemed a little disapproving, but it wasn’t exactly the expression I’d use to describe it. Maybe his thick eyebrows had something to do with it.

“What are you doing around here? Hey, hey! Can’t you speak?” the man grunted.

I fumbled with my words. “Oh, um, uh, yeah.”

“Then answer my question, boy.”

“I…I’m looking for a place to stay, but I, uh, don’t have any money…” I stuttered lamely. It was true, kinda.

The man’s frown deepened a bit. “Where you from? Where’s your money?”

This was a tougher question to answer. I didn’t think that saying I was from a place with dead bodies was an acceptable answer. “I…I don’t remember where I’m from.” That was true. Kind of. “I seem to have lost my memory…” That was true.

The man sighed, and turned around. “Guess it can’t be helped then… Come.”

I stood there, a little stunned. The man walked down the street without looking back to see if I was following him. I debated in my head about whether I should follow the strange person. It wasn’t like I had anywhere to go in the first place though, and maybe he’d help me. I didn’t have much to lose in the first place, I figured. The man was already turning to corner of the street, and he still hadn’t stopped to wait for me. I ran down the street and turned to the left before I lost sight of him.

I saw the man just as he turned into a shop. I jogged over to the general area of the shop. I could tell it was a bakery, despite the peeling gold letters. It was obvious that at the time the letters were painted they had looked incredibly beautiful, but now the “a” was nearly gone and the “y” looked a “v”. (So, it kinda looked more like “bkerv”.) There were also a few papers stuck to the window. Most had probably been there for years, growing a little yellow with age. But one looked new. The black letters “Other Worlde” were printed in a fancy script.

Something clicked in my head. Wait… Just as I was about to inspect the paper closer, the door to the bakery opened. “What are you doing out here? Come on in already, it’s getting cold,” the man said gruffly, letting the door shut behind him with a clang of a bell that hung from the door.

I hastily pulled my attention away from the window to the door and yanked it open. Immediately a warm gust of air flew at my face, inviting me inside. My fingers that had been in the cold for so long became numb once again – they certainly felt that way a lot – with a kind of pins and needles feeling. I rubbed them together.

The man was behind a glass that displayed loaves of bread behind it. There were also little muffins and meticulously sliced pieces on iron plates on a wooden counter. The walls were painted a pale yellow that gave the place a warmer feeling. There were a few wooden chairs and tables by the window and against the walls.

“Sit,” the man grunted before leaving through a door behind the counter.

Unsure of what to do, I quietly slipped into a chair in front of the window and stared outside. The people were starting to head back inside, friends laughing before saying their final parting goodbyes, parents ushering their children back outside, old women lighting their door lights before returning to the warmth of their houses. Was that was it was like to live a comfortable ordinary life? I suddenly realized that I would never be able to have a completely normal life like the ones I watched through the window had.

Something was welling up inside me. Sadness, I noted to myself, fighting back tears as I came to realize my situation. I knew nothing about the world I was in and knew no one. I was completely and utterly vulnerable. I wasn’t even a fish out of the water. The fish at least once had the water. I was a fish that had nothing. Or was I even a fish? The fish knew it was a fish, but I…I didn’t even know what I was. (Obviously not a fish.)These thoughts were the ones that scared me the most.

“Hey, kid. Eat.”

The voice pulled me out of my thoughts. There were a few slices of bread on a tin plate and a steaming cup of water in front of me. “Th…thank you,” I said quietly, reaching out to take a slice of bread. It was warm to the touch.

“They were just leftovers, kid. Don’t give me too much credit,” he muttered.

I slowly bit into the bread, savoring its warmth and softness as I chewed it thoughtfully. They couldn’t be leftovers, I mused. It was fresh. Not freshly made, but they definitely weren’t leftovers. Maybe there was a bit more to this tough guy than he wanted to reveal. I swallowed. “It’s Zion.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could even comprehend what I was saying. Why Zion? It was the only name that came to mind at the moment, and I was sure that, for the time being, I could coin it as my own. “Or, at least I think that’s what it is. But don’t call me kid.” I let a small smile slip.

“Zion? Okay then Zion,” the man sat himself in the chair across from me, “then call me Chaz. Well, actually the name’s Charles but no one’s called me that in ages. So just keep it as Chaz.”

I laughed a little there. “Okay then, Chaz. Thank you for the bread. It’s delicious.”

Chaz seemed to sit up a little straighter. “You are eating the best bread in town, kid. Well, granted, it’s the only bread you can get in town, but I guess it’s pretty good.”

Smiling, I picked up the cup of hot water. I decided to ignore the fact that he continued to call me “kid”.

“So, what’s a kid like you wandering around the streets with no memory?”

I stopped. The cup was mere inches away from my lips when I set it down. How did I even try to explain it? The truth wasn’t going to go well. Maybe a half-truth? “I…I don’t know. I don’t remember anything. I just woke up in a forest. I didn’t know what to do or where to go, but I saw the smoke trails and figured it would lead me somewhere. I guess it did.”

Chaz looked at my thoughtfully, frowning a bit. “What about your name? You seem to remember that.”

“Actually, I don’t know if it’s my real name or not. When I was thinking while walking here, it’s just kinda came to me. Taking something is better than nothing.”

“Sounds like you’ve got amnesia.”

“Amnesia?”

“Memory loss.”

I didn’t think my situation was as simple as “memory loss.” But I decided that if there was anything remotely normal I could try to classify my situation as, I would take it. “How does it happen?”

“Oh, well, it might be from after getting a bit of a scare. Maybe from shock. Or head trauma.”

Shrugging, I reached for another piece of bread. I didn’t know if I had experienced anything that he had said that could possibly make my memory go away. Or maybe I had forgotten it along with all my other memories. “Does it go away?”

Chaz laughed. “It doesn’t ‘go away’ in the sense that you’re thinking of. It’s just that you might get your memory back. Or you might not. Amnesia’s a tricky thing.”

I might not get my memory back, I thought. I didn’t know how to feel.

“Hey, don’t worry, kid. Even if you don’t get your memory back, you can always start a new life. Sometimes life does these things that we might not always like. We might not know what to do. But you gotta pick yourself up and make the best of it,” Chaz reassured me.

I tried to look like he helped a bit with his words. “I hope I get my memory back,” I mumbled, hoping that it was an acceptable answer.

“Might not be a few days, weeks, or months before that happens,” Chaz said. This guy was really something. Sometimes he was helpful and other times he seemed to drop bombs without even noticing it. “Oh, but don’t worry, you’ll get around in the meantime. It’ll be tough, with things being the way they are now, but things’ll be okay.”

My ears perked up a bit at this. “What do you mean? What’s so tough right now?”

He sighed deeply. “It’s not so bad as it once was, as long as you keep your nose in the right place and yourself insignificant.”

“What’s wrong?”

“A lot’s wrong right now, kid. You want to hear it all? You might not like it.”

“I have to know,” I said, determined. I really needed to know just what was going on here. Maybe it would answer some of my questions. “I’ll be living in this world for who knows how long without my memory. I’m going to hear about what’s going on and find out for myself sooner or later. Might as well get it out of the way.”

Chaz seemed to be debating about things in his head before he sighed and said, “Alright. It’s a long story, so sit tight and don’t ask questions ‘till the end. Got it?”

I was about to reply, but Chaz just plowed on. I guess he didn’t want to hear an answer.

“A long time ago –and don’t ask how long ago because no one keeps track of the time –the world was overrun with demons. Yes, demons, mind you. Well. Maybe they weren’t demons, but they sure as hell weren’t human. They took over people’s bodies and made them do unspeakable things…dark times they were back then. You didn’t know when the person you know would turn against you all kill your whole family or burn your house down. A disease was going around too…

“But the thing was, the government didn’t do a single thing about it. Not one! It was, and still is, full of lazy politicians that only want to better themselves. While the world was going insane, they sat back and enjoyed the show, glad it wasn’t affecting them.

“But one day, all the demons disappeared. Just like that. Vanished. No one knew what happened or what got rid of them, but they had just vanished into thin air. Yes, it was great. A beautiful day even. But so many people had died during those years. Friends, family… Everyone knew at least one person who had died whether it be a relative or a neighbor. As for me…” Chaz had to stop here to take a deep breath. It was obvious that he had lost someone important to him and wasn’t ready to talk about it to a random stranger.

“Towns and cities were ruined. Things we had had before were gone. Memories and irreplaceable things precious to us were lost. But even though we could always make new ones, electricity that had powered out lights and stoves and refrigerators and cars and so many other little things were gone. Food and supplies were in demand. For a few months, it was an incredibly difficult time. We didn’t know what to do. Fights and riots broke out every day because of the tensions, but even then the government still hadn’t stepped in.

“But things got worse.” Chaz’s voice suddenly dropped and became darker. “Delenda arrived. Delenda was a group that came and took charge. Even though they really rallied things together and tried pushing society back on its feet, it was probably the one and only good thing they did,” Chaz said bitterly.

“What happened?”

“The inevitable. Delenda came to control the government. It was already a group of weak and lazy people, and I’m sure they were more than happy that someone wanted to take care of things for them. Officially, the government is still in power and Delenda’s only their advisors. But that’s not true at all. Everyone knows that’s a lie. The government is merely a tool of Delenda. They’re all just puppets.”

“How do you know all of this?” I asked, anxious.

“I’m getting there, boy. You see, since it became a government faction, it hasn’t done a single thing to better the lives of us. The people. You see all of us here? We live nice little simple lives. We don’t even have electricity. We work with candles and oil and fires – all old fashioned. But they, - oh they’ve been living in lives of luxury. Those who’ve gotten close enough tell us that they’ve got electricity and advanced technology that we can barely begin to understand. They think we don’t know, but we’ve seen their places and their cars that they think they hide so well and their what-have-yous. They’ve even got their own place right by this town here, not too far off.”

I fidgeted a little. Was the facility a building of Delenda’s?

“Why the hell they won’t just share a little is beyond us. But that’s not all. They’re working on something, and everyone knows it, but we don’t know what. There have been people taken by Delenda saying that they were needed for an important project and never seen again. Weird liquids and materials get dumped into forests and rivers. They start fires and ruin fresh water and it’s just horrible. They haven’t done so much as a single good thing, but if they exist, they must have a goal. Whatever that goal is, but it can’t be good. They’re just as bad as the government. Maybe worse.

“But in the end, they just sit back and enjoy their pretty little lives and look at us like bugs. We’re the ones that are getting by day to day, working just to live. In this town, we’re lucky people. It isn’t so bad as it is in some other places. There are starving people, crazy people, ones that are just delusional. It’s a messed up world right now.” Chaz’s face was grim. “Sorry you had to get this thrown on you and all. But you came to a good of a place as any, Zion. If one good thing’s happened to you so far, this is it, even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

I but my lip. I didn’t know what to do, what to say, or even what to think. It was all too much.

“Don’t seem like it too much, ain’t it?”

I swallowed. “Not at all.”

“Hmph. Thought so.”

“It’s just that…how could things be so bad? How can they get this bad?”

 “That’s what happens when people start only thinking about themselves, and less about others. It’s what happens when underlying feelings go free, and anger expresses itself in the most ugly ways. The world ain’t fun and games, kid. The sooner you learn it and commit it to memory, the better. It’s full of people that are stupid, selfish, and lazy. There are people that are bitter and cruel without a sense of humanity. But maybe, just maybe, you’ll get lucky. And maybe you’ll find yourself with the right people that’ll help you.” Chaz stood up. “After all, you found one today, didn’t you?”

And I smiled back. “Yeah… I guess I did. Thanks.”

“You have no reason to thank me, Zion. My wife would have never turned away someone in need of help.” His voice was tender, soft and full of longing. “I won’t either.”

We lapsed into a comfortable and understanding sort of silence. Chaz took the now-empty tin and cup to the back room through the door. He left me with much to brood upon.

There was the matter of Delenda. Yes, they sounded self-centered and useless, but the real matter was the facility. If the facility had been Delenda’s, did that mean I was somehow connected to the organization? And the thing they were supposedly working on. Did it have anything to do with the Logs, Lab 49, or…me? There was still so much I didn’t know, and the more I learned, the more questions I raised. Either way, the matter of Delenda couldn’t be broached lightly. It looked like it was going to be a touchy matter in the first place, and asking specific questions were was bound to raise suspicion. This was something that I was going to have to figure out for myself.

The part about the demons was weird too, and was going to need more information. But Chaz didn’t seem to want to talk about it that much, so maybe that was for a conversation with another person. Generally the stuff that he had said was vague and floated around… But I didn’t want to ask.

I glanced outside again. The street was dark except for the candle-lit lamp posts that created a warm glow. The papers stuck to the window were now more prominent than ever. I was reminded of the Other Worlde poster I had seen before, and drew my attention to it. I was seeing it flipped and backwards, but the picture on it showed something that looked like a large tent and a booth.

“What’re you looking at?” the voice I recognized as Chaz’s said behind me.

“That poster,” I said, pointing to it, “what’s it for?”

“The Other Worlde? Why, only the best – no, only – carnival there is! There’s games and treats along with a great main show. One of their most famous parts of the thing though, is the Sicarius Symphony.”

“The Sicar-what?” It didn’t sound like something enjoyable, an infectious disease was more like it.

“The Sicarius Symphony. It’s not really a symphony in the way that there’s a whole bunch of grouped instruments together playing pieces. In fact it can hardly be considered a symphony since it only has about twenty people – but it certainly has a nicer ring to it, hm? The point is that they make good music. The Other Worlde is quite a big deal here. It’s something nice in a dreary world like this.”

So it was something. The strange voice didn’t simply say something weird that meant nothing. Maybe it was worth checking out.

“It actually still in town,” Chaz continued. “Tomorrow is its last day.”

I nodded and stood up. “Well, thanks Chaz. You’ve really been nice to me. Thanks for the food but I really should – “

“Wait, what are you saying, boy? You can’t leave now. It’s dark outside!”

“Yeah, I know, but you’ve already helped me out a lot. I’d hate to – “

“Now you listen here,” Chaz shoved his fingers into his short black hair in exasperation. “I’m not letting you go out there in the cold after I just helped you. I’ll be damned if I do. You stay here for a night. I got a spare room and some old clothes of my son that should fir you. Sleep, and if you really want to leave, do it in the morning after you’ve eaten something, okay? No, actually, that’s not a question. You’re staying the night.” Chaz walked to the back of the bakery and through the door. “Well?” he called. “You coming or what?”

  Chapter 03 – Usually I can’t feel anything

He must be dreaming. Zion doesn’t know why he knows this or why he thinks this, but it doesn’t feel real. His head feel muddled and clouded, and his body is light. It’s a comfortable feeling, he thinks.

It’s a space of endless black and white checkered tiles that stretch as far and wide as he can see. He looks at them and they’re so highly polished that he can make out his reflection in them. The space was strange, because even though when he looks above him, its dark, Zion can still see as clearly as if there was light. He laughs at how impossible it all sounds. The laugh echoes over and over before it fades away to…who knew where.

His eyes wandered as his feet absentmindedly took him wherever they pleased. They took a few paces to the left before switching direction and turning right. Then a slight left-right, and then a little right-left. Nothing changed. It was still the same empty, continuous space it had always been.

Wait. Yes. There’s something over there, he thought. Squinting in the distance, he could just make out a black silhouette getting larger and larger. His feet stayed rooted to the ground, he felt, as he tried to move. Strangely, he didn’t have much of a desire to move anyway. All he could do was silently watch the dark shadow come his way. Closer and closer.

Until it was right up in front of him, only mere inches away. He thought if he looked closer, there was the faint image of a person masked behind the darkness. It smiled and reached out a ghostly hand towards him.

It wasn’t cold, the hand. It felt warm against his cheek, lightly brushing it. Its touch seemed almost familiar to Zion, and he leaned closer to it. The shadow’s face seemed almost sad, with its smile dropping. And two blue eyes opened.

The eyes were a pale, icy kind of blue, but weren’t cold. They were warm, and sad too. They seemed to try and say something to Zion, but he couldn’t read what they wanted to say. Regret? Nostalgia? Sadness? It could have been either of those, or none of them at all. The shadow’s eyes closed, and for a second, neither of them moved.

The shadow made the first move. It removed its hand from Zion’s cheek, and he had to say that he was almost sad that it presence was gone. But the hand went somewhere else. Through him.

The rest of the shadow’s body followed, swiftly and easily as fluid, before it disappeared through him. The entire few seconds this took place, Zion felt himself frozen in place. But he felt warm. And complete. It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling that he experienced during those few moments. When it was over, he slowly turned.

He made a complete circle in the black tile he stood in. The shadow was gone.

--

There was a knocking on the door. “Kid, wake up! There’s some clothes by the door, the bathroom’s on the door to your left. Come downstairs when you’re ready.” Chaz’s steps clunked loudly down the hallway.

I tried to blink away the sleep from my eyes. The pillow and bed were surprisingly soft, as I had discovered the previous night. I snuggled deeper into the pillow. I really had to thank Chaz. He was being far nicer than he had to be, even if he was trying to show nonchalance at it all.

I pushed myself up, squashing down the urges of going back to catch a few more hours of sleep. I was certainly tired, but something felt different when I woke up. It’s probably nothing, I mused, as I dragged myself over to the door. There was a bundle of clothes and a pair of boots on the other side. I carried them over to the bathroom.

All the light came from a single window that faced the forest to the back. There was a small toilet in the corner, a sink beside a wooden stand, and a small mirror. The toilets and sinks still worked, Chaz told me the other night, because they didn’t rely on electricity to work. It was more about water pressure and technical stuff that he didn’t really understand, but all that mattered was the fact that it worked, he said.

Pulling on a faded blue long-sleeved shirt and thick brown pants, I carefully folded the clothes I had worn the previous night and placed them on the stand. I slipped the boots on and tucked the pants into them. They were definitely nicer than the clothes I had before, albeit a bit larger than my frame, but still good.

I splashed cold water onto my face – all the water was cold unless you heated it over a stove – and ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt to straighten it out. It was really only by chance when I caught a good look at my reflection that I stopped and stared. It was the first time I had really seen what I looked like. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it seemed strange looking at the image starting back at me.

My face was pale, like I hadn’t seen sunlight in ages. Chances were I hadn’t, but I remembered Chaz’s tanned face that constantly had a red tint, and the shades of color I had seen in the people of the town the previous night. It wasn’t really a sickly colored skin tone, but just paler than what could be considered normal. My hair ran to my shoulders, but the color was weird. It started out black near its roots, but faded to a gradual light brown at its tips. I pinched a few strands and brought them to my face. Is hair supposed to be like this? I couldn’t remember if anyone I had seen had hair colored like mine. I wondered why Chaz hadn’t commented on it.

But the other thing that unnerved me about my reflection was my eyes. They were blue, which wasn’t an unnatural color, but there was something about them that seemed almost familiar. And then it came to me.

My dream the other night. I couldn’t remember it very clearly, but there was definitely something in the dream. My hands gripped the sides of the sink as I tried to remember. But it was so hard. I squeezed my eyes shut as if the images in my dream would just appear. There was something, something…something…

Black and white. These colors popped into my head. Was there something black and white in my dream? I thought harder.

Yes. There were. I suddenly remembered the black and white checkered tiles. But that wasn’t important. There was something else…

The figure. There was a figure… But what was so important about it! I tried thinking harder, but the memories of the dream were elusive as I tried to grab onto them. But I had to remember. The dream. The dream. The figure. The eyes.

The figure and its blue eyes. They’re the same as mine.

I was stunned when I came to the realization. Slowly, I opened my eyes to meet the clone of them in the mirror. I placed my hand on the mirror, and the image on the mirror did the same. Who am I?

When I tried listing down what I knew about myself, my mind drew a blank. Even my name was only a temporary label. I was a male of an average height, but an unnatural look. And I didn’t have any memories.

It was like a riddle. Only simple clues that seemed to mean nothing, but had to be important. Strange words and jumbled events that didn’t really fit together but somehow made sense. They all had to lead to some kind of conclusive answer. It was right at the tip of my tongue, and something told me the answer to the question was right in my reach. But where exactly was a new riddle altogether.

I headed downstairs, placing the clothes I had borrowed from the other night on the bed I had slept in. It was darker in the stairwell, as there were no windows to give it light. And the end of the stairs, I pushed the closed door to the right open.

It was brighter in the bakery, with the wide windows of it shining on everything. Chaz sat in the seat he had taken the other night with a bowl of soup and slices of bread in front of him. “Morning, kid,” he greeted.

“Morning,” I said, slipping into the seat across from him.

“Eat.” Chaz grunted, referring to the food in front of him.

“But what about –“

“Already ate. It’s all for you.”

The soup and bread were delicious. Even though it was simple, I had a feeling that it was made with the thought of a guest in mind. Pools of guilt started building up in me. He really didn’t have to help me at all. But he did and was being genuine about it. And I couldn’t do anything n return.

“Stop looking so guilty, kid.”

“W-what?” I looked up, confused.

Chaz made a face. “You got a guilty look on you. I don’t like it. You don’t have to feel guilty at all. I’m just doing what any good person would do.”

“But you didn’t have to do anything,” I protested.

He twitched. “My wife did the same for my son. He was just like you, on the streets, alone and confused. He lost his own parents during The Great Change. So we took him in and raised him like a son. I won’t leave kids like you and my son out on the street. Now shut up and eat.”

I smiled. No matter how much Chaz tried to deny his kindness, it just showed through even more. He was a good guy. Even if he was kinda grouchy about some things.

I spent the rest of the day helping him around the bakery. I felt like I owed him that much. Chaz kept on telling me that I didn’t have to do anything, but I told him that I didn’t have anything else do to. So he accepted it, a bit grudgingly, but it wasn’t too bad. We talked a lot when there wasn’t anyone in the shop. I learned about the people who lived in the town, and how he got into making bread.

“Making bread is a necessity. It doesn’t go bad easily, and everybody needs wheat. It’s not difficult, but when you need it and people around you need it, you just learn. I knew a bit from my mother, and it was mostly just experimenting with different ingredients. I accidentally burned myself once though…don’t give me that look. Okay, fine. More than once but that’s not the point…”

When there were people, they sent me a curious glance. Some seemed a little suspicious, and casually threw a comment about me when they bought bread from Chaz. He’d always send me a glance with a smile, and reply that I was a guest staying for a day. It seemed to make the people relax a little bit. Some of them sent me smiles and made small talk with me about where I was from and what I was doing. It was then that I admitted that I probably had some form of amnesia. It garnered the sympathy of them, who said that they hoped I would remember things soon.

I began to occur to me with some dread that maybe I didn’t want to remember. If I was in any way related to Delenda, I wasn’t sure if I was going to like it. I didn’t know how I would take it. It seemed better right now not remembering anything at all. But it would answer so many questions... Questions that I was hesitant to learn the answer to.

Chad told me about his wife and how he met her. “It’s kind of a funny story when I say it now. At the time it was a whole fiasco. It all had to do with stolen ice cream and bird seeds. Well, technically speaking it wasn’t actually stolen, but at the time my family constantly lost all our ice cream…”

He never told me about his wife and what had happened to her. Even though he was keeping it from me, I could respect that. His withholding of information was different than mine. I was lying. I wish I didn’t have to lie to Chaz. He was being honest with me, while I tried to hide things with lies. The thing was, I didn’t know how he’d react to the truth. He thought that I was an innocent civilian that lost his memory, and possibly went through some pretty tough situation to get it. The truth was… Well, even I didn’t know what the truth was, I thought to myself as I mopped the floor. It was already the mid-afternoon, and I was thinking about leaving. I couldn’t stay forever. I’d never figure out the answers to my questions, my unanswered past – if there even was one. And there was still the matter of the Other Worlde…

Chaz was cleaning the window when he stopped at the peeling gold letters. “Ahh… I really need to get this repainted. Shame my son isn’t around here to do it.” I had learned from our conversations that his son was already grown up and was traveling from town to town, trying to find a craft that would suit him best. “Baking just didn’t suit Peter at all. He’d always burn bread. Actually, I think he even burned water once; how he even managed to do that still confuses me now…”

“Why don’t you just repaint it yourself?” I asked, pausing in my mopping of the wood floor.

“Have bad handwriting. It’s like chicken scratch,” Chaz said simply. “How ‘bout you? You have good ‘writing?”

“I don’t know. Haven’t tried picking up a pencil yet.”

Chaz stepped himself off of the chair and walked to the counter. “Better try now and see how badly you can do as a messenger,” he joked, pulling out a stump of graphite and paper. Chaz told me how the graphite used to have wood around them, but since it was too difficult to do that anymore, they were just stumps that left black markings on your hand after you were done writing. But everyone still called them pencils, regardless of what they were missing.

I propped the mop against the wall, and hesitantly took the pencil. I didn’t really know what to do when walking over to the counter, when once I held the piece of graphite in my hand, a sense of familiarity ran through it. I felt my fingers shape around the pencil into a form that felt familiar, like I had done it a lot of times before. I set the tip of the stick on the paper, and started to form the letters of “bakery”. I didn’t really know how I knew to form the letters, but I did. I let my hand smoothly guide the pencil across the paper. When I finished the “y” at the end, I stopped writing, and stared at what I had written.

“Damn, kid. You sure write well. Maybe amnesia has nothing to do with your handwriting. Were you a messenger or something before you lost your memory? If you were, it might explain why you were in the forest,” Chaz said to himself thoughtfully.

“I…I don’t know,” I replied numbly, looking down at the black letters. They were perfectly shaped, clearly and boldly written on the white paper. It looked as skillful as the writing on the window. “How can I still remember how to write if I can’t remember anything at all?”

“Hm,” Chaz grunted, picking up the paper and lifting it up. He was probably comparing it to the letters on the window. “Well, amnesia can come in a bunch of different forms. Just because you forget things doesn’t mean you’ll forget how to do things completely. Or you might. It’s one of those things that isn’t that precise in the way it works. It has stuff to do with the brain that I don’t really get. Just because you’ve lost your memory doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything. I mean, you can obviously do basic things like eating and walking and talking, right?”

I laughed. “It’d be like a being a baby.”

“See? You know what things are. But you don’t remember how you know them, isn’t that it?”

I thought about it. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“And there’s also muscle memory, like how you wrote the letters.” He gestured to the paper. “You just wrote these out of the memory in your hands. So your amnesia didn’t affect you there, at least. It’d be a shame to lose such good handwriting. I wonder if you learned it on your own, like a natural born talent, or if someone taught you.”

I was saddened by this thought. Did someone ever teach me? I wonder how well I knew them. Were we good friends? But how could I possibly know if I was at a facility? Maybe someone taught me there, or maybe I learned before I was there, or maybe I learned on my own or maybe or maybe or maybe… The possibilities were endless. I once again felt lost not recalling any memories.

Chaz didn’t seem to notice my discomfort as he walked out of the main store and to a back store room. He came back moments later with a thick paintbrush and yellow paint can. “Here, and try your best with it. I know painting words on a window aren’t the same as writing on paper, but just give it a shot.”

I hesitantly took the can and paintbrush. “Are you sure? Your son painted this for you. Is it okay if I paint over it?” I felt guilty, like I was coming in between something.

He shook his head. “It’s fine. Peter painted it on as my son. It’s peeling now. He hasn’t come back to visit for quite some time now. I just get little postcards sometimes about the places he’s visited from time to time, but nothing specific about what he’s been up to. But he’ll often ask about the paint and he says that he’s sorry he hasn’t been around to fix it. I get it, from the way he talks, it’s like he knows he won’t be back,” Chaz said wistfully. “But you know… I don’t mind you painting over it. Not at all. So go ahead Zion. Give it a shot.”

He wanted me to do this. I stepped outside the shop, watching Chaz who was inside with his arms crossed. He nodded at me, affirming that I could go on. But as I dipped the brush into the paint, it felt like I was going to be replacing his son. I didn’t want to do that. It was like pushing my presence into someone else’s. A presence that wasn’t mine to take. Bringing the brush wet with paint to the window though, these thoughts went away, as my hand began to guide the brush across the glass. The looping motions, the smooth curves, they felt familiar as they had before when I was writing on the paper. But I wasn’t controlling my hand at all. I was doing it without much conscious thought at all.

I stepped back, looking at the wet paint against the glass. I looked to see what Chaz’s expression was. And he was…happy. There was an expression of satisfaction on his face, and one of nostalgia.

When I went back inside to hand him back the can and brush, he looked at me, hard. “You know,” Chaz started, “when you were out there, it was like it was years back when Peter was painting on the window.” He was smiling, but there was something that was turning the corners of his mouth down. “Thank you.” And he left the room.

I picked up the mop that was still leaning against the wall. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel about the words on the window. I guessed that it made him happy that I repainted the words, but it still didn’t feel right. The other thing that really bothered me was how well I was able to write and paint letters. It made me think even more about the past that I knew nothing about. Were there people that I lost with the loss of my memories? Places, things? How fragile memories are, I mused, pushing the mop against the wooden floor, and dipping it every so often in a bucket of water.  They might be there one moment, and gone the next. It was a saddening thought.

Chaz didn’t come out of the backroom for a while.

The sky was starting to turn a little darker when I finished with the floor. I was going to have to leave the bakery soon. I knew that Chaz would be against it, and would try to get me to stay, but I couldn’t. It was an appealing idea. Staying here working with Chaz in a small town day by day. I could try to make a new life for myself here. But I knew it wouldn’t work out like that. There were too many abnormalities with my existence from what I could remember. No. Somewhere else was where I had to be. Where specifically, I didn’t know, but after an afternoon of mopping, I had come to a decision.

There was some kind of connection with me and the Other Worlde. The more I had thought about it, the more I felt that this was true, and the more intense the desire was that I had to go. It was something that I couldn’t avoid. The voice inside my head had come up with it before I had even seen it. Maybe there was something that I did still remember from my past that was compelling me to go. Or maybe it was something else entirely. There was so much that I didn’t know, so much that was just a guess. But if there was a single chance that I could learn about who I was and answer the riddle, then I would take it.

Or I could’ve been wrong altogether. But I figured that I had nothing to lose, so why not?

My only concern was the voice inside my head. I still didn’t know what it was. Was I going crazy? It was all possible. But I didn’t want it to be that way. I would have liked to have thought of my voice as a manifestation of my own inner thoughts, but it could have been something else entirely. But I didn’t like the thought of that at all. Not one bit.

But either way, my thoughts about where I was going to go were clear. I just hoped that I could find what I was looking for there.

--

He’s running. The steel gray halls twist and turn, but they don’t seem to ever end. Except the steel is covered with blood that’s splattered all over it, endlessly continuing on and on and on. There’s nothing there except for him, the hall and the blood.

The blood looks so real and he can almost smell it, taste it, as it streaks across the walls.

The more he runs, the more he realizes something.

The blood is following him.

It’s not obvious at first, since he’s running so fast, but when he takes a really good look, ten uneven lines of blood trail just behind him as he runs. Five skinny lines on each side.

He can hear his breath, his panting, and his heart is pounding loud and clear in his chest. The faster he runs, the faster the lines move, and everything is starting to become a blur. He’s feeling disorientated, and eventually, the steel walls seem to fade away, but the lines of crimson are even more prominent next to him.

He thinks he can hear the silent scrape of long nails on steel. A little screech.

And then he hears the laugh…

  It’s a dream again, Zion thinks, as he walks again in the same checkerboard world. Except it’s a little different this time. The dark shadow is already there, sitting in the distance. Zion heads in the direction of the figure, and it doesn’t move a bit. He’s now looking right at the figure that’s sitting with its legs crossed on the checkered tiles. There doesn’t seem to be any recognizable features on the black, smoky form. It doesn’t have a reflection. Zion can see his clearly, like a mirror in the floor underneath his feet, but the shadow doesn’t seem to have one. Like its presence doesn’t exist.

Zion decides to sit down then, crossing his legs in front of the figure. They both do nothing for a while, until the figure opens its eyes.

They’re the same startling shade of blue that Zion remembers them as. The same as his own. The eyes are the only thing on the black form. They both stare at each other, as if not even daring to blink.

Zion’s the one who breaks contact first, and looks down. He’s not sure what to do, but he wants to know more about the figure that keeps appearing in his dreams. So he goes with an obvious question. “Who are you?” His lips form the words that echo through the empty space.

…You.

He almost jumps at how loud and clear the voice rings out. Did the shadow have a mouth? It didn’t seem that way...unless….

“Can you talk?”

…Depends.

Answers seemed as though they were going to be difficult to get out of the shadow. “What do you mean?”

...Now I…only speak…mind.

The voice sounded a little muffled and broken. Zion could still hear it, but it was starting to fade. “You can only speak through your mind?”

…Your mind.

“Why are you repeating me?” Zion was becoming a little annoyed.

...Just answering…question.

“My mind then?”

…Yes…no… Complicated…explanation…another time.”

“Why can’t you just explain it to me now?”

The shadow was silent. And then its eyes crinkled up at the corners. I could see its mouth twitching into a smile.

…In due time…Zion.

  Chapter 04 – But I do now

I woke with a start with someone shaking my shoulder. “Mm? Wha… Oh. It’s you Chaz.” I yawned. I looked around with heavy eyes. The sky was getting a little pink in the distance. I must have slept after I finished mopping, I figured, pushing myself off the floor. “Sorry for sleeping…”

“It’s okay, kid.” He seemed a little sad. “I’ve already got some food prepared, go ahead and eat,” Chaz gestured to a table set with some bread, soup, and steamed vegetables. I found out earlier in the day that all the stoves worked on fire and coal, but he had a special hole in his kitchen that baked his bread. Chaz left me alone in the front room, alone in the silence to quietly eat the small meal.

I tried to remember what I had just dreamed about before I was shook awake by Chaz. It was vague and elusive, like fog. Right there in your face, but impossible to get hold of. The shadow was there, that was something I almost felt sure of. Thinking about the shadow, I wondered if it had anything to do with the voice I heard inside my head. Were they related? Or was the shadow also just another projection of my mind, just as the voice could have been? But when the shadow talked, I felt like it was similar to the way the voice would talk. Broken words and phrases, yet clearly heard.

Why did it have to be so difficult to remember dreams? I frowned, my soup spoon hovering inches away from my mouth as I tried to remember what the shadow had said. I thought about it, but still couldn’t come up with anything. It frustrated me. I had a conversation with my shadow, and maybe it could have told me something. Whether it was an entirely different entity completely unrelated to myself, or just my mind going crazy? It could have told me something about my past.

My past. I desperately wanted it. I dipped a slice of bread into my soup, allowing it to seep into the bread. I brought it to my mouth and savored the warm, fluffy taste that the combination brought. My past wasn’t as satisfying as bread.

It was as if I never had a past. If I didn’t remember it, what did it matter? It was obvious that I did once have one – or maybe I never did have one. I didn’t know – and I felt empty and lost without it. I wanted to know my past, like it would unlock some kind of closed off part of me and answer all my questions. And most importantly, the pressing riddle of “Who am I?”

The more I thought about these questions, the more anxious I became to find their answers.

I felt like there was still something else that I was missing. Something. It felt important, but I couldn’t even remember it. But the more I thought about this idea, the more I was overcome with the idea of nausea and fear. My dreams were   never very clear. What were they like for everyone else? This was a question that I made note of to ask someone later.

I finished my meal in silence.

The door to the back swung open, revealing Chaz behind it. “Oh, you’re done, good, great.” He seemed uncomfortable. He carried a small brown shoulder sac and jacket in his hands. He made his way across the room, and shoved them in my hands. “Here. You’re going to need ‘em.”

I was confused. “What for?”

“You’re going to leave now, aren’t you?”

I was startled by his question. Was it obvious that I had planned to leave that night? “Y…yeah…”

“You’re going to ask me how I know, aren’t ya’.” He sat himself into a chair, sighing deeply. “I knew that look on your face. I saw the same look on Peter’s the days before he left. I know.” Chaz sighed again, looking far away. “You don’t have to leave, you know.”

I looked down, feeling a little ashamed. “But I do have to. I feel like…if I don’t go, I won’t ever find out who I am. I know that I might have amnesia and that I might get my memory back, but I have a feeling that if I stay here, I won’t. My answers are somewhere else. Maybe they’ll trigger my memory, but I won’t find it here. It sounds weird but… I feel like that carnival, the Other Worlde will help me and might trigger some memories. I don’t know what my connections to that place are, but I feel like there’s something there that will help me. “

He had a regretful kind of smile on his face. “I knew you would say something like that. Just hoping I could still change your mind.”

“I’m sor –“

“Don’t be. You have no reason to be Zion. I understand. Parenting instincts are kicking in. I know I’ve only known you for less than a day, but I feel like I’ve known you a long time. I’ve enjoyed your company a lot. And I’m only going to say this once, so don’t make me say it again, but I’m going to miss it when you’re gone.” He shifted. “But you gotta do what you gotta do. And I won’t stop you.”

“…Thank you,” I replied, from the bottom of my heart. Chaz was the first person who I had made contact with and I was incredibly thankful for whatever kind of luck that I had in me that allowed me to meet him first.

He shook his head. “Don’t thank me. I packed some bread and dried meat that should last you a bit. There’s an old tin with some water in it too. And you’ve got forty-three drachmas packed in there too. It should get you to where you need to go as long as you don’t spend it on bad bread. To get into the Other Worlde, you need to pay seven drachmas. So you’ll have enough.” Chaz stood up. “Now, get! Or else either I won’t let you leave, or you won’t want to. You want to get to the Other Worlde? If you keep walking west in the direction of the sun, you’ll eventually get to it. There’s a path through the forest. Follow it and you’ll get to a clearing. You won’t miss it.”

I nodded while I slipping into the jacket and put the shoulder sac on my right shoulder. “Got it. Thanks again, Chaz. For everything.”

“No need to mention it kid. Just know that if you’re ever around… You’re welcome to stop by.”

I nodded and walked over to the door, putting my hand on the door. “I won’t forget. I’ll remember what you’ve done for me. I really can’t thank you enough… I guess this is good-bye. I hope I can see you around again sometime.”

Chaz was trying to put on a face of emotionlessness. But it wasn’t working. “Guess so. Bye Zion. I hope I’ll see your face around sometime soon.”

And with that, I pushed the door open, and made my way out the door, and down the street. I didn’t look back.

--

I didn’t walk for that long until I reached the clearing that Chaz told me about. But I knew that I was near even before I reached it. I heard the music first, a high pitched and somewhat lighthearted, bouncy tune. But there was something off about it. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to place it as. But there was an underlying atmosphere to it that was a little unsettling. And yet there was something enticing about it. As I continued to walk, the music got louder, and then I smelled the carnival. There was a sweet smell in the air, along with one that I recognized as flour from Chaz’s bakery. There was a taste that I could get from the air, but I didn’t know what it was.

The forest was yet again the same. Silent, cool, and dark. There wasn’t a single sign of life in the forest. I wished I saw a bird, at least, or maybe a squirrel. But I soon came to the end of the trail, and life was known again.

Although it was starting to get dark, the large red and yellow tent pitched in the center of the large clearing could still be made out. Around it were booths and tall poles with fires burning at the top. Encasing the grounds was a striped cloth that ran around the outside. There were carts and smaller tents off to the side, which must have belonged to the Other Wordle too. I saw a few horses that were tied to the posts, quietly neighing as they chewed on grass. A line was being formed at a booth around the side, but some people were already inside. They were walking around, and I could hear their laughs and shrieks of happiness.

I walked around to the line. It wasn’t really much of a line, more or less like a loosely formed mass of people that were waiting to reach the booth at the other end. I immersed myself in the mass of people, slowly shuffling along as the crowd went. It mostly consisted of little children. There were small toddlers that could barely walk without stumbling, laughing all the while. There were those that could walk properly but were only six or seven at most. They chatted incessantly, never stopping and excited by everything. Those groups were with adults who looked like they could have been doing something else, but yet, they were content. They watched their children bounce around with happiness, and maybe that was enough for them to come to the carnival. There were groups of teenagers that looked like they could have been my age (Chaz and I had discussed it. He guessed that I was around 18 or 19, but no more or less) in their own groups, and they seemed like they were trying to look mature, more mature than little kids, but their excitement showed through.

Even though I was in a thick crowd of people, I felt more alone and outside than ever. Everyone seemed to know who they were and where they belonged. I wasn’t sure if I really belonged anywhere, or if I ever would. Maybe I shouldn’t have left, I thought numbly, standing quietly off to the side.

No.

The voice was apparently back, giving its opinion. Or was it my subconscious memory telling me not to go? There had been something compelling me to go to the carnival.  I was here. It was right in my grasp, but I didn’t know whether it would ever answer any of my problems. Maybe it wouldn’t. Why was I thinking of so many doubts now that I was here?

My conflicting feelings were probably showing on my face, as I noticed how there were people looking at me strangely. But they were only doing so for a second, as they had other things to concentrate on besides a random kid looking lost. But maybe they knew that I didn’t belong. A lonely kid in a crowd of people. Was it that easy to tell the difference?

I shuffled along, keeping my head down as I listened to the conversations buzzing around me.

“I can’t wait to go… Can you believe that it’s finally here? I had to talk to my mom for an hour to convince her, ugh… Mommy! I want caramel apples!... Can’t this line move any faster?... I hope that I get to see that cute guy from the Symphony…

The Symphony.

The idea of the symphony intrigued me for some odd reason. I wasn’t sure why that was. I didn’t really think I had any particular interest in music – or maybe I did, well, I really didn’t know, but I supposed it would be interesting to listen to them. Of course, I didn’t know how I could find them. Someone inside who worked at the Other Worlde had to know, so I wasn’t too concerned. But what was bugging my mind was that I didn’t really know why I wanted to go as badly as I did.

I didn’t know what I was looking for, or what I was even hoping that I would find. I didn’t know where to look, and somehow, right there and then, I felt so hopeless. I could feel my vulnerability showing through as I continued to step forward across the grass, and all I wanted to do was to run away so I could hide myself from it all.

“What’s with the long face there?”

I looked around, confused. It had seemed that I had somehow made it to the front of the line, standing at the ticket booth. “Ah…”

The person behind it couldn’t have been much older than myself, but even if he was, it didn’t matter. His face must have radiated happiness, and would have taken years off his age.  His short brown hair went with his eyes and the rest of his face in a way that looked like he was glowing. “Now, I’m afraid I can’t let you in if you don’t have a smile on your face. Even if you can pay me seven drachmas. What’s your name?”

“Uhh… Zion…” I stuttered.

“Okay then Zion. Come on. Give Terence a smile.” His – Terence, I figured was his name – grin became wider, and he pointed to it. “Just like this. Trust me, it ain’t so hard to smile. All you gotta do is to use some of those cheek muscles you have there. It’s just one corner after another. Besides, I think Aric said that it takes less muscles to smile than it does to frown, but I’m not sure how he knows… I mean, he also told me that if you smile more, you’ll live longer, but me might just be messing with me! I should probably ask, but this isn’t important. Smile!” he urged.

My mind probably imploded a little bit at the sudden spew of words that were thrown at me. Realizing what he wanted me to do, I awkwardly cracked a smile.

“Ehhhhh, okay, I’ll take it for now, but next time, you gotta do better, you hear?” Terence looked at me expectantly.

“…Sure…” I said, not exactly sure what he was trying to get at.

Leaning over the wooden plank of the booth that acted as a counter, he stretched his hand out. “Just because you smiled doesn’t mean you can get a free ride into the place. Well, maybe if you tried a little harder and smiled for real, I would have considered it… You know what? I’ll give it back to you. Seven drachmas, or a genuine smile. It’s your pick,” he smiled welcomingly.

I had a feeling that he wanted me to choose the smile over the paper money. But somehow, I wasn’t feeling it. I hated to think of it like the way it was, but I didn’t come to the Other Wordle for fun. I was here to answer a riddle that I wasn’t sure I could even answer at the Other Worlde. My mind was also too cluttered, too worried, too…not carefree and happy like the one that the ticketer in front of me could give me. It was like lying. I didn’t want to take advantage of him and his kindness. So I simply reached into my bag and rummaged around for seven drachmas that were in a bundle at the bottom.

When I placed the sheets of paper into his hands, his smile dropped a little. “I guess I’ll take this… I was kind of hoping for a smile though,” Terence said a little sadly, but he pocketed the money and took out a pen from a pocket in his green vest. “Give me your hand,” he said, but without waiting, he leaned over and grabbed one lying limply by my side. He made a few quick marks on the back of my hand before releasing it. I took a glance.

“It’s a smiley face, see? The two dots are eyes and the little curvy thing is a smile. This is my reminder to you. I want you to smile, even if I don’t ever see you. And if I do, I better see a smile on that face, or I’ll be sad and run crying to the Ringmaster. And she’ll get annoyed, and it’ll all be your fault. So you better show up next time with a smile, you hear?” Terence looked at me, now smiling again.

I could have said no. But I found myself nodding while looking at the black marks on the back of my pale skin.

“It’s a promise then, okay?” He put out his pinky finger. “Come on, swear on it with a pinky promise.”

I wasn’t sure what to do, but I put my pinky finger out towards his. He did the rest though, hooking his pinky around mine. I hooked around as well. We released them.

“It’s a promise. And don’t you dare break it! So go an ahead now Zion – and oh! By the way, the main show starts in, oh, around an hour, but don’t worry ‘cause they’ll be a bunch of people heading towards the tent around that time. Don’t miss it, you hear?  Enjoy yourself!”

“…I’ll try to,” I said, giving a weak smile in his direction before moving on past the booth, and into the carnival.

  I wasn’t sure what I was expecting. It was almost overwhelming. The people, the sounds, the smells, the everything. I didn’t know where to look first, or what to do. I stood there at the entrance for a few moments, just taking everything in. The grounds were lit with tall poles with fire, similar to the ones that ran around the edges, but they were more intricately decorated with swirls. Some seemed to have carvings of birds in them, and a few had flowers. There were booths lined up all around. Some had food peeking out, its smells mingling with the many others around it. They all smelled so good that I could almost taste them in my mouth. Some booths seemed to have some games set up, where kids crowded around trying to shoot down tin cans or catch apples or ducks or whatever there was.

And the people. I had never seen so many people crowded in one place. They were all laughing and talking and having what seemed to be the time of their lives. They were so happy, that it almost saddened me. But then I remembered. They were all going through something tough. Chaz said that the Other Worlde was like an escape for the people. It was a way for them to let loose for a bit and not worry about Delenda or how they were going to get their food or water or or or… Any other time, it was a difficult time for them and they could barely find any kind of happiness. The carnival that came around every so often was their only source. And they were going to treasure it.

Maybe I should treasure it too, I thought. I didn’t know what I was going to be coming across in the future. But if it wasn’t good, maybe I could still have a few good memories before that happened. I was already here. It couldn’t hurt to walk around and enjoy things for a bit, I figured. But I didn’t have a single clue as to where to start.

So I wandered around aimlessly a bit, watching other people and silently observing my surroundings. Seeing so many people who were having such good times with their friends or family was heartwarming, but wrenching as well. I was lonely.

I passed by a booth with a gloomy looking girl standing by a tub of water. I could tell that she worked at the carnival, as she had the green colored vest. There were a group of kids using a rod with a string attached to the end of it, trying to snatch a duck that bobbed in the water. I walked by another stand that sold little baked goods, pretzels, popped corn and roasted nuts. That’s what the boy who stood there shouted out over the music and chatter anyway.

The music seemed far away, and I tried to find my way around the grounds to get closer to it. I didn’t understand my own attraction to the music, the Symphony. But did it matter? Probably not, as it was likely that I would see them soon. But I wasn’t sure how to occupy myself. I wasn’t too keen on spending any more drachmas than I had to. The booths looked like they needed money to play a game, and the food too. I was glad that Chaz had let me eat before I left, or I would have been starving. The treats were tempting, but it wouldn’t have been wise to spend the money Chaz gave me recklessly.

I noticed that some people weren’t doing as much as I was, just standing around and talking to their friends. Friends. It was something that I hadn’t really thought about too much. They were in their groups, laughing and pointing at all the people, booths, and those on stilts that seamlessly wove through the crowds. I stared at those groups wistfully.

I wondered if I ever had any friends before. I doubted that I had any in the facility, but maybe it was possible that I was still friends with someone outside of the facility. Or maybe I didn’t have any at all. But I had Chaz. I supposed he counted as a friend. He certainly helped me and was kind to me, so I guess I could accept him as I first friend since my memory loss. I wondered if there was anyone who was looking for me, trying to find me. Or maybe that was just a foolish hope.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. These were the words that always appeared in my head, I thought, sitting down at a long empty table that was set up. Was there anything that I was sure of in my life? Yes, there were a few things, but even those were laced with questions and uncertainties. I didn’t like it at all. From the two days that I had lived out, I’d felt almost like a fabrication. A mistake. Something partially unfinished that was left to fend for itself.

I watched everyone else. How whole and complete they looked. Surely they weren’t all that way, but I’m sure that none of them were as lost as I was in a swarm of people.

“You really need to stop frowning, mister.”

I jumped a little. A boy was now seated across from me, maybe ten or eleven years old. He was wearing a green vest – was he part of the Other Worlde? – and held a few balls in his hands.

“Uh…” was my intelligent reply. What was with everyone and my face?

“Mister, I really don’t like that frown on your face. Can you please trade it with a smile? Terence won’t be happy if he sees it.” The boy looked at me with large eyes.

So he knew Terence, that guy from back at the entrance. That explained a lot. “I already have met him.” I showed the boy the face drawn on the back of my hand.

“Wait, you’ve already met him and you still have that sad face on you? Mister, that’s no good. If you’re here, you’ll probably see Terence sooner than you think, and he’ll really be upset. He told you that, didn’t he? He wasn’t joking. Once, he cried so much that we were dumping buckets of tears into the river. It wasn’t very pretty,” the boy said. He swung his legs over the seat, spilling the cloth balls that he had held. Fingers now played with the colored cloth balls that were now scattered on the table.

What was with this place and smiling? I decided to ask him.

The boy stopped fingering the balls and instead took one from the table and began to throw it up in the air and catching it, all while keeping his eyes on me. “Do you know why we’re here, and why we always will be? We’re here to make people happy, mister. That’s the real reason why we’re here. Making money is only to keep this place running. It’s not what we want to do. A lot of the people you see here are going through a lot in their lives. They look happy now, but that’s because we’re here. Since you’re here, you should be happy. I hate seeing sad faces, mister, so you should be smiling.”

I touched my face, carefully feeling where the ridges of my lips went. They all curved down.  “I don’t really see any reason why I should be smiling. Other people can be happy, but me… I feel little reason to.”

“And why is that?” the boy asked, continuing to catch the ball.

I was I supposed to explain it? “It’s difficult to explain,” I said simply, hoping he’d let it loose.

“And why is that?”

No such luck.

I ran my fingers through my hair. “In short, I have amnesia. Memory loss.”

“…And why is that?”

I was pretty sure that he was trying to annoy me now. If his little grin that was creeping up around the corners of his mouth were any tell-tale sign of that. “Well I dunno. I obviously don’t know since I lost my memories.”

The boy shook his head, continuing to throw and catch the ball. “That’s tough. But don’t think about it too much. Bad things happen every day and the best that we can do is to move on. You pack up your past like how we pack up the carnival – but it’s probably less of a mess since we argue and waste time way too much – and go to the next town.”

I wasn’t reassured by this. Memory loss was only scratching the surface of it all. I smiled a little cynically. “If only it were that simple.”

“Hey, I don’t like the way that sounded,” the boy pouted. “And that kind of smile doesn’t work around here too, mister. I want to see a real smile. Everyone here’s gone through a lot, even if they don’t show it. You’ve gone through some bad things too. I can see it. But that doesn’t mean you stop smiling and being happy. Sometimes it’s hard, but then you need to learn how to forget about it sometimes and just let go. There’s always some reason to be happy. You have to keep in mind all the good things in life. That’s what Kamari tells me.”

“But I can’t think of any good things.”

He looked out at the crowd, thinking about the question. “Well,” he finally said, “you’re alive. That’s definitely something, isn’t it? If being alive isn’t something to be happy about, then I’m not sure what is.”

I closed my eyes. Yes. I was alive. But I felt no joy in hearing it. It more or less reminded me again of how little I knew about myself. I was alive, but I wasn’t sure about how much I actually existed. This idea bothered me. Was it possible to be alive, but to not exist at the same time?

“Hey…wait. Are you here alone?” the boy suddenly asked.

Opening my eyes, I answered, “Yeah. I am. Why?”

He stood up suddenly, gathering up the balls in front of him and shoving them in his pockets. “Well that explains a lot, mister. Get up!” The boy took my hand and pulled me up. I stumbled over my feet as I was dragged across the grounds.

“Um…where are we going?” I asked.

He looked back at me. “To somewhere where you’ll have company. I have to go and prepare for the main show, but there’s someone who you can be with for a bit before it starts. Oh, by the way, my name’s Tate. What about yours mister?”

“…Zion.”

“That’s an interesting name! I haven’t heard of anyone with that one.”

I wanted to say something about how it was just a name that I picked up for myself, but bit back that response. Tate was nearly running through the carnival now on his short legs. He didn’t let go, and I almost bumped into a few people, shooting them only hurried apologies. Tate was quick in maneuvering himself around the people, but I, not so much.

“Can’t you slow down a bit!” I called, after moving sharply away from a little girl for about the tenth time.

Tate didn’t slow down. “We’re not even going that fast though,” he protested. “And I have to get you to the tent quick, ‘cause I have to be at the main tent soon.” He wasn’t even panting. “Hopefully Lyris won’t mind the company. I think it’ll be okay. He’s friendly, and I’m sure you’ll be feeling better by then.”

He seemed so willing to get me to smile, so I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it wasn’t necessary, or that it probably wouldn’t work. In fact, out of the two workers that I had seen here, they all seemed to want me to smile. Maybe I could at least give them that… But then again, I wasn’t here to humor some people. I was here to see if I could uncover something about myself here, something that could justify my urges. As weird and unfounded as it really was. In the end, I couldn’t deviate from this goal.

I somehow made it to the edge of the carnival without completely crashing into anyone. There were a few close calls though. I nearly ran into a person on stilts. That would have been a mess. I winced internally just thinking about it. We also bulldozed right through a group of rough looking teenagers, who yelled threats with angry red faces behind us. At least they didn’t follow. But they might have gotten kicked out for starting trouble, but it didn’t matter. The good thing was, we weren’t utterly pulverized by anything or anyone. Tate didn’t seem to notice any of what he was doing. The lighthearted music that played was now far behind us, as well as the sounds and smells.

The last bits of light were now being swallowed, and it was then that I was grateful for the poles of fire that gave some illumination. Granted, it was still dark, but it was better than nothing. The small bits of light were enough to make out the shapes in the area that were separated by a strip of blue that stretched from two stakes in the ground.  Tate quickly ducked underneath the strip of cloth with ease, letting go of my hand for the first time. He looked at me a little impatiently as I made my way underneath it, but quickly grasped my hand back, dragging me towards the tents.

There were about seven tents lined in a semicircle around a fire pit that hadn’t been lit yet. There was still a pot that hung by a wire connected by two sticks along with a pile of dry branches. Some of the tents had circles of light that flickered inside them, and the rest of them were dark. I could hear a few murmured voices, but one tent seemed to have music coming from it. We headed towards that tent, the second tent to the left.

Flipping open the open tent flap, it revealed in circular inside of the tent. There were two cots set up next to each other along with two trunks. A few wooden sticks leaned against one of the cots. But accros the tent was a man sat on a stool beside a small table by an oil lamp, a few years older than me, strumming a stringed instrument. Eyes closed, his head swayed and bobbed around to the tune of the music, and he seemed to be completely immersed in it. He didn’t even seem to register the fact that we had entered his tent. Tate didn’t seem to care though.

“Hey, Lyris! Hey… Lyris! Lyris!” he shouted, moving closer to the man named Lyris’s face. Tate waved his arms around as if it would actually help.

Lyris just continued to strum away on the instrument, creating a soft yet sweet sound that Tate didn’t seem to care about. I felt awkward standing there in the tent. Did they just casually bring outside civilians into their living grounds? I suspected that wasn’t the case.

Finally, the man stopped plucking the strings of the guitar just as Tate finally stopped trying to get his attention by flapping his arms around. The man slowly opened his eyes, like waking from a trance. Turning in the direction of Tate he ran his fingers in his mop of hair before saying flatly, “I heard you the first time, but I just chose to ignore you. You don’t have to call out my name out repeatedly until I respond. It also doesn’t help to wave your hands around either. I thought we’ve had this conversation before.”

“Mm… We might have, but I might have just chose to ignore you.” Tate had a cheeky grin on his face.

Lyris tutted before lying his instrument on the table. “Hasn’t Arianthe or Nox said anything about respecting elders?”

“Mm… Maybe. But they’re not even that old!” Tate protested.

“Nox is more than twice your age and Arianthe… Okay Arianthe is a mystery but she’s definitely not just a few years older than you.”

“…Fine,” Tate huffed. “But just you wait. One day I’ll become such a big part of the show that you’ll have to respect me!”

“I’ll make note of that.” Lyris turned to me, looking at me for the first time. There was a slight twitch in his body position, a quick movement of the eyebrows, the lips, everything. It wasn’t that noticeable and extremely quick, but I saw it. There was something in his eyes, but I couldn’t figure it out. But he quickly hid it. “And who’s he?” Lyris nudged his head in my direction.

“Um…” I really wasn’t sure what I was doing there in the first place. But Tate immediately jumped in with his explanation.

“Zion’s here all by himself with a frown on his face! Even Terence got to him and he’s not smiling! I brought him here so he wouldn’t be all alone… I hoped you’d keep him some company. And you know how much Ringmaster hates seeing frowns when she makes her rounds around the place.”

Lyris looked at me closely. “Ah… Well I suppose so. I wasn’t doing that much, I guess.”

Tate immediately brightened up. “Great! Well, I have to help set up for the main show now, maybe I’ll see you later Zion! And thanks Lyris!” He nearly flew out the tent flap. But he popped his head back in only seconds later.

“Oh and and and.” Tate looked at me. “He says he has something called amenisia or something like that. They could just call it memory loss, but that had to go and give it an annoying sounding name.” He made a face. “Okay, I’m gone for real now, bye bye!” Tate called after the tent flap that fell with only a woosh of the wind.  

There was an awkward silence. Lyris now knew of my little “alibi”. “Well….he’s sure a cheery guy,” I said in a lame attempt at a conversation.

Lyris leaned back a little in the small chair. “Tate’s always happy, even though he has nearly every right not to be. But he’s still a kid. More mature than your average one, but still a kid all the same. He looks up a lot to Terence though, so maybe that’s where he gets it all from.”

I felt like I had treaded on some kind of forbidden ground.

“You can sit though, there’s no need to keep on standing.”

“Oh…um, okay,” I situated myself in a chair next to the table. It creaked a bit as I sat.

Fingers skimmed over the strings of the instrument on the table, giving off a small, tinny noise. “So what brings you around here then?”

I was starting to get used to telling the lie that I had developed. “It’s a bit of a weird thing actually…”

“I’ve heard a lot of weird stories,” he laughed. “I’ve been to hundreds of different towns and villages. I lived through the Great Change. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s nothing that I’ve never heard before.”

I was tempted to tell him the truth. “Well the thing is… I can’t remember a single thing about my past. I think it’s some kind of amnesia, but Tate already kinda told you that. I still remember how to do things and what things are, but I don’t have any memories of much. I kinda came here hoping that it would trigger memories of something. I just felt kinda drawn to it when I heard about it… I don’t know. I guess you can say that I’m here about a gut feeling,” I laughed a little shakily. “That doesn’t sound quite right, does it?”

Lyris had picked up the instrument off the table, and put it back into the playing position he had before. “You know what this is?

I didn’t really see how it was related to myself. “No.”

He silently strummed a few more strings. “It’s called a guitar. It’s an old one, but you won’t see many that are as nice as this one around. I use animal guts for the strings. Yes, animal guts. Don’t look at me like that. I know it’s not too much of a pleasant thing. But something as unappealing as that can still be turned into something beautiful. But that wasn’t the point I was going to make. A while back, I just kinda fell out of everything. I didn’t want to do anything, and was ready to give up on it all. Yeah, this was way back when during the Great Change. But this thing, it saved me.” Lyris looked fondly at the instrument. “In the place we lived, this was stuffed in the attic. My brother only knew a little bit about how to play it, and he taught me what he knew. I guess I just had a better talent for it than him, which is a little ironic, considering my name that was randomly picked out of a baby naming book, but it wasn’t that hard for me to really pick it up.

“I began making my own music. And it really helped with the coping. I can see it in your eyes. It’s the kind of emptiness that you can only know when you’ve gone through the same thing. I can’t claim to understand a single second of what you’ve been through, and I’ll never know how hard you have it. But you’ll find something. Or someone, or someplace, that’ll be the one to help you up. Even if you feel like you can’t now, it’ll be alright. You’ll find it.” The tune that Lyris began strumming was a soft, sad tune that contrasted with the one that he had been playing earlier, the quick, upbeat one.

I allowed myself to absorb Lyris’s words. And suddenly, I believed them. Everyone else’s words of encouragement simply bypassed me without much of any effect. All the entreaties to smile were meaningless. Except Lyris’s. I was filled with a warm feeling that was comfortable, and I felt almost familiar in the presence of Lyris. Although I had never even met him before. Or, had I? There was a chance that I had met a lot of people, and I wouldn’t remember them at all. It was a sad thought, but I pushed it out. There was no use to think of them. If those memories were gone, they were gone. It was best just to accept it.

Although I felt that there was still a hole, I could still fill it up. Fill it with new experiences, memories, sights, smells, feels, everything. I still had the now that I could experience and make new ones. And maybe find my anchor that would keep me stable.

I found myself nodding, and then, sprouting my first genuine smile. “Thanks.”

He didn’t stop with his playing, but there was a smile back in acknowledgement.

I silently watched him play, seeing how the fingers plucked and went across the strings. I noticed that his fingertips were red and a little callous. “Does it…does it hurt to play the guitar?” I asked softly.

Lyris slowly brought his playing to a stop. “No…no, not really. I can use a little guitar pick, but I don’t really like using it. Playing with my bare hands is more real. It’s a whole different experience. Besides,” he looked down at his fingers, “sometimes you need a bit of pain.”

I thought that maybe it would be best to move away from the topic. “So what do you do around here?”

“Maybe it’s a little obvious,” Lyris chuckled. “I’m part of the Sicarius Symphony.”

I suddenly saw him in a new light. A kind of admiring one. But I was then struck with the recognition of the name. Maybe if I asked the right questions, something would spark my memory. “Woah, you are? That’s so amazing!”

Lyris laughed. “It’s not really that amazing. There are others here that do more dangerous things than I do, and those that have more amazing talents. It’s not a very big role, but yes, it’s something.”

“Who else is in the Symphony?”

As I said this, there was a slight twitch of his body. But it was barely noticeable. “Mm, well, there’s Terence and you already know him. He acts as a background singer. Sounds weird, but we’re not just any musical group, and his voice really adds to the overall effect of the music. We have a percussionist, an accordion player, a cellist, and a clarinet player. We also have a flutist, another percussionist who also plays the bass, and a violinist. And a whole bunch of other random instruments. In short, we are the most disorganized kind of musical traveling group that probably ever existed.”

“You can’t be that ‘disorganized’! People say that you make great music.”

“I wouldn’t call our music great… The whole deal might have something to do with the fact that they don’t really know what else to compare it to.” Lyris shifted his weight a bit. “It’s been awhile since really good music has been played. People all just kind of forgot about it. We’re all that’s left. And it’s enough that we can keep the spirit of music alive. We’re not that good, but we can get by playing something that can keep people happy. And that’s really our goal. To keep people happy.”

I nodded to show that I was listening, but I wasn’t really thinking about it that much. I was trying to see if I could sense any kind of connection of the Symphony to myself, but nothing seemed to click.

“But you’ll only see some of those instruments playing today. We have a separate traveling faction, and they tend just to wander around on their own.  So unfortunately, you won’t be able to hear the entirety of us play. My brother’s also in that group. If he was here, he’d do a knife-throwing act during the main show.” Lyris shrugged. “Sorry you’ll have to miss it.”

There.  As Lyris was explaining this, there was a small twinge of something that went through me. Was there some sort of connection to me about what he had said? It was just about his brother, really. I could hardly see anything.

I then thought I could hear something. Was it the voice? But the voice was soft and faint, even less than a whisper and only a presence. I couldn’t make out what it was trying to say. I tried hard to listen to it, but it was still only like a breath. I thought I could make out a few syllables, but they weren’t enough to string together the words to make comprehendible phrases.

“Hey, Zion! Is there something wrong?” Lyris was looking at me curiously, and the way his eyebrows were scrunching, it seemed a little suspicious.

“Ah, nothing… Just thinking.”

“About what?”

It looked like I was going to have to give a little lie again. “You were talking about your brother. I was just wondering if I ever had one.”

Lyris’s face visibly relaxed and softened. “Do you really not remember anything?”

I shook my head. “Nothing at all. I just woke up in a forest that was some distance away from a village. It’s not that I forgot what things are and how to do them. It’s just the memories. I can’t remember anything. Even my name is just something I picked up.”

“I’m sorry… That’s tough. Well, you know – “

Whatever I did or didn’t know, I wouldn’t find out, because just then, someone came stumbling through the tent flap. He had black hair and tanned skin covered by form fitting black clothes. This man’s movements seemed uncoordinated as his arms waved around strangely, with a dazed look on his face.

Lyris immediately jumped up, and cursed loudly. He had a frown on his face as he caught the man in his arms just before he fell flat onto the ground.

“Oh heeeyyyye, it’s you Lyr. Looks like… I madahe it to the right tentah, haha,” the man giggled. Lyris looked like he would have hit his head against something if he could.

“You’re drunk, aren’t you.” The way he said it made it sound like more of a statement than a question.

“Wahayou meahn  Imma druank. Compleatealy sobear. Soeaber Lyrrrrr I didunt take the alochoeal froam the whageaon I swhear – “

“Shut up you drunken bastard before I dump you out into the river and never tell anyone where your drunken ass is.” Lyris’s demeanor had changed completely from a calm and collected guy to one that became annoyed in a matter of seconds. It didn’t look like he was joking about throwing the guy into the river either.

The man giggled as Lyris dragged him over to one of the cots on the side of the tent. Lyris ungraciously dumped him on it, but the man didn’t seem to care, only giggling more. His already pink face seemed to get redder.

“Awah, youah can meande tah thau. You lauve me twoah mauc – OHF!” the man yelped when Lyris unemotionally brought his foot up and dropped it on his stomach. The man doubled up on his side, moaning.

Lyris turned to me, hand on his forehead, sighing. “And this drunken oaf is Nox. Sorry you gotta meet him like this He’s usually… Okay nevermind. He’s always a bit tipsy. He always seems to be a little drunk, even when he hasn’t had anything close to alcohol for days…” He shoots daggers at the still moaning form on the cot. “And I’m stuck with this drunk bastard.” He kicks Nox, which brings on a whole new bout of groans.

“Erm…” That was the only thing I had to say about the whole situation. “Is it okay though?”

“No, it’s not okay that he’s drunk all the time,” Lyris responds, not looking at me, but glaring that Nox. Although that wasn’t what I meant – my question had been more along the lines of “Is it alright that you continuously abuse him?”

“But he somehow does his whole fire breathing act better drunk. Which is stupid because every rule in the book clearly states that you should never let a drunk man play with fire. But the Ringmaster allows him to get ahold of the alcohol stash – within reason, but usually he overdoes it. And I’m stuck dealing with his sorry ass.”

“Why kick him though?” I ask, as Lyris brings another round of abuse on Nox.

“Aghsdjksdfeasbd shtap it Lyr ist haurtss,” Nox manages to get out through his groans.

“That’s the point you moron.” Lyris delivered another kick to him. I made a mental note not to do anything that could possibly piss Lyris off. He seemed to have moods that could change within seconds. He turned back to me. “You gotta kick this drunkard since it’s the only thing that gets him sober quick. We have nothing that can flush the alcohol out of his system, and whenever it’s invented, I’ll be one of the first people to get it. The only thing we got is a drink to cure hangovers, but that’s useless right now. We’ve all discovered that beating up this guy is the only solution. We can’t exactly have a completely stoned man playing with fire if you know what I mean. And he also deserves it.” Cue kick.

I wasn’t sure whether I should just back out of the tent and leave or not. Things were looking unnecessarily violent, fast.

“GAH Lyr shtap kicking me, weah gotta get reahdy for the showh anhd if you don’t shtap kicking me we’ll be lathe,” Nox wheezed.

Lyris stopped kicking him, and turned to me. “See Zion? He’s getting sober already. Works like a charm. Want a try?”

“Ah…” I stuttered. “No, I think I’m good, er – he’s good. I mean.” I didn’t really feel like hurting anyone. And it looked like Nox would have enough bruises the next morning without my help.

He shrugged. “Okay, you’re choice then.”

Nox moaned. It was almost pitiful to listen to.

“Yah don’t really half to get other peopal involved Lyr. Who’s thias kid anywahy?” Nox made his first relatively comprehendible statement.

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Lyris murmured to himself. “This guy’s Zion,” he said a little louder. “He was just around the carnival when Tate found him. He’s lost his memories, probably some sort of amnesia, and he wasn’t smiling. But I think I fixed that though.” He shot me a little smile that I returned back.

Nox tried to push himself up from the cot. His movements were still slow and a uncoordinated, but he managed. “Amnesiah, eh?” He looked at me a little suspiciously. “Yah really don’t rememnber anything?”

I shook my head. “No, I really don’t. I just woke up in a forest a while away from a town. All can remember are what things are and how to do things, but nothing else. Even my name is something that I only picked up.” I was getting a little tired of saying the same story over and over again.

Nox swung his legs over the edge of the cot. He was still a little shaky, but he seemed to have a better hold of himself than he had before. His hazel colored eyes still looked suspicious. “So… Tate justah found him wandhering around tha carnival then,” Nox said slowly.

I had the feeling that he didn’t trust me. He definitely had every right not to.

Lyris didn’t seem to share that same feeling though. “Well, yeah. Poor Zion, all alone. Most people come in groups, or with another person, at least. Ringmaster probably wouldn’t be too happy about that. Remember the last time she saw a kid crying? She went to comfort her, and then proceeded to lecture the heck outta us after it was all over. I think I can make do without her constant lecturing.” He made a face.

There was a mutter under Nox’s breath. But I’m not sure how much I would have gotten out of it anyway. It seemed like it would be a good idea to start being quiet and stay unnoticeable.

“’S wrong, Nox? You’re not thinking about getting another bottle, are you?” Lyris groaned.

“No, no, it’s…neveramind,” Nox mumbled. He rubbed his fingers around his temple.

“Feeling the aftereffects of all that alcohol now, aren’t ya’?” Lyris scoffed. “Pity only kicking you takes away the drunkenness but does nothing about those horrible hangovers.”

“Wherease Aric?” Nox grunted, ignoring Lyris’s scorn.

Turning away from Nox, Lyris sat himself back down in his chair and crossed his arms. “How should I know? Even if did know, I wouldn’t tell you because you deserve that hangover. Maybe someday it’ll teach ya’ to stop drinking so much.”

“Not a chance,” Nox coughed, but Lyris continued on without stopping.

“And I don’t really want things being thrown at me when I ask him for the medicine. You’re doing that on your own,” Lyris huffed.

Nox flopped back into his cot. “Chante youa just get it for me then? Phlease?”

“In your dreams, you oaf.”

“I, in fact, have lovealy dreamahs where I swim in poolahs of win – “

“No, you don’t,” Lyris cut in. “You have dreams of rolling in fields of bunnies and rainbows.”

Nox looked horrified. “How did you know that!”

“I didn’t,” Lyris shrugged. “You just told me.”

Nox groaned and flopped himself back on his cot. “Why couldn’t I just share a tent with Terence and Aric. I’m surah they wouldn’t be so abusive to me.”

“I’m sure they would. If I weren’t here, they’d do the same. We made this agreement at the last Coalition-Against-Nox-Having-Alcohol meeting,” Lyris deadpanned.

“I thought that was a joke though!” Nox protested.

“It wasn’t.”

Unintelligible garbled noises came from Nox’s curled up form. “Well at least I dream of nice things that mean good luck.”

“I do dream about nice things though. Just not your kind of nice things,” Lyris said coldly. It looked like this was a bit of a sore topic. He seemed a little uncomfortable with the accusation. “What about you Zion? You’ve been awfully quiet. There’s no need to feel like an outsider because Nox bumbled his way in here.”

Nox grunted, but said nothing.

“What do you dream about then? I mean, if you don’t really have any memories besides the ones from the days you’ve experienced, what would you dream about then?” Lyris asked. He was trying to steer the conversation away from himself.

I wasn’t really sure about how I wanted to answer the question. What were you supposed to dream about in dreams anyway? The shadowy figure…I didn’t want to talk about it. It seemed wrong to say anything about it. And whatever kind of dreams that I did have, I couldn’t remember as well as I liked.

“I…I don’t really know,” I started slowly. “I’ve only twice in my memory, and I can’t remember dreaming about anything…” It was kind of the truth, as it wasn’t totally a lie. But saying this triggered something in me. What was it? It sounded familiar, something was familiar about it.

“Hm, weird. All of us here seem to always remember our dreams, right Nox?” Lyris looked over at the curled up back.

There was a grunt. “’Suppose so. Lot of people dontah though. We’re just tha interesting buncha I guess.”

Shrugging, Lyris picked up his guitar again and began plucking each string a few times, sometimes stopping to adjust the knobs at the top. “Well I wouldn’t really know. It’s not like we really talk to a lot of outsiders in the first place. You might be one of the first that I’ve had an actual conversation with,” he remarked.

“Guess I must be pretty special then,” I joked, which earned me a small snort of laughter from Lyris. “What’s a dream like though?”  I was genuinely curious to know. I wondered if what I had “dreamed” about could be considered dreams. The idea of them seemed vague in my mind.

There was a thoughtful look on Lyris’s face. “I’m not sure how you’d describe what a dream is. It’s like…. Oi, Nox, make yourself useful and explain what a dream is like. You’re the one that always passes out anyway.”

There was a grumble of protest. “Passing out is not thah same as dreaming,” Nox mumbled, or maybe it was just muffled. “But I guess you kinda dream about situations, but theyah not too realistic. Random things might happen and things mighaht be a littla fuzzy. Evean us. Ouar dreams are a little senseless, but we remembarah that. I guess whatever weird ‘visions’ you getta when you sleep could be considered a dream.” He sounded sleepy.

Continuing to adjust the knobs at the top of his instrument, Lyris simply shrugged. “Dreams are difficult to explain. When you’ve had your first one, what we’ve said’ll probably make sense. Hopefully,”

The thing was, I wasn’t sure whether I had had a dream or not. My “dreams” of the shadowy figure didn’t seem to abide by any definition of dreams - except for how none of it really made any definite sense. But it wasn’t fuzzy in my mind. When I thought about it, it was like I knew what had happened in it, but I couldn’t remember what exactly the shadow had said. And what he said was important. That, I felt I knew for sure. But from the nap that I had taken earlier, it felt like there was something else previous to that. Had that been a dream, and did I just simply forget about it? The feeling of having something was there….so it was possible. But I wanted to remember. There was so much that I wanted to remember.

So I simply shrugged, not giving any sort of commitment to anything. “Why do we have dreams anyway?”

“Depends on who you ask,” Lyris replied absentmindedly. “Some say that it’s a subconscious reflection of yourself. All your worries, thoughts, wishes, hopes end up becoming your dreams. Some say that their past lives, or other worlds. It’s hard to say. But,” he sighed a little dreamily – oh the irony –, “the idea of it being past lives sounds so intriguing, doesn’t it?”

“Notah really,” Nox answered, finally getting up. He grabbed ahold of a long stick that was propped against his cot and started twirling it in his hands, faster and faster. The alcohol didn’t seem to be effecting his movements, until he knocked himself on the head and fell with a yelp. Rubbing his head, he continued, “If my dreams were my past life, I’d hate to know what I once was.”

There was a visible stiffening in Lyris’s body, but he still answered quite naturally, “I’m sure we could all say the same. They do tend to bring out some of the worst in us.”

The idea of dreams seemed to be almost horrifying. There were too many contradictions, and too revealing about things that sometimes, maybe we wanted to forget. I was under the slight impression that Lyris didn’t always like what he dreamed about. But as for me, I was curious. If dreams could reflect your self-consciousness, then…was it possible?

“Do you think…” I started slowly, carefully picking out my words. “Do you think that my dreams could help me get my memory back?”

They both looked thoughtful at this. It was finally Lyris who decided to answer. “You might not like what you see… Did you ever think of your memory loss as a good thing? What if you’ve forgot about something that your past-self wanted to forget?” he asked, and I could tell that he, too, was picking out his words. “I know you want it back, but maybe…maybe it’s best left alone. Dreams aren’t something you should pursue to find yourself. You are yourself. Your past…” Lyris suddenly stopped talking, as if realizing something important. But he took a deep breath, and started again.

“Your past doesn’t define you. It’s what you do now that matters. So don’t get too caught up in it.”

It was an unsettling thought that I hadn’t considered. What if my memory loss erased things that were horrible, terrible, in which it would have been a good thing? But if that was true, then why did I so desperately feel like something was missing? I didn’t have to care so much about it, did I? But I did. I cared a lot. But after hearing Lyris’s words, I felt disheartened.

“I guess you’re right,” I finally sighed. “There’s no use in creating tainted dreams from bad memories.”

Nox suddenly straightened himself up from his position on the ground, and Lyris’s eyes shot wide open in shock. It was quiet.

Had I said something?

With a shuddering breath, Lyris whispered, “What did you just say?”

“Um…” Was what I had said important?

“Just say it,” Nox said with an edge in his voice.

“I said…” I stopped to think about what I had said. What did I say? What I had said just came out and flowed so naturally that I didn’t know what I said. “There’s no use…in cre…creating,” I stumbled, trying to piece together the words, “tainted dreams…from…from bad memories.” Oh. I realized then what I had said...

Yes.

The voice was back with its own confirmation.

Tainted dreams. It said that to me a long time ago. Along with a mention of a symphony. Did it refer to this symphony? But that didn’t matter. The two words had simply spilled themselves out of their own accord. And…

“Who are you are where did you hear those words from!” Nox demanded loudly, standing. His movements held no hesitation in them, and their awkwardness had now completely left his system. The man’s speech was clear, and full of power as his dark blue eyes stared me down, pinning me on the spot. I didn’t like it at all.

How on earth was I going to explain it without sounding like a nutcase?

Lyris hadn’t said a word, but seemed more of lost in thought, with an empty gaze looking at me. Two pairs of eyes, two different moods, but the same thoughts were running through their heads. I could tell.

Who is he?

And who on earth was I?

There was a single, even, threatening step in my direction. “Answer the question. Who. Are. You.” Nox’s eyes weren’t as glazed over and filled with merely a mild suspicion. They were filled with repressed violence.

“I…I…” my voice was faltering just as the mood that was once warm was quickly going below freezing. I didn’t know how to answer the question or what to say, and I felt pressured as the glare bore into me, demanding that an answer be squeezed out of me. The single pair of eyes still looked like they were in a far off place. Something was unsettling Lyris, but maybe it was best just to think about myself and the tall, menacing man with a wooden stick.

“Just ANSWER the damn QUESTION ALREADY!” Nox roared when he was only less than an inch away. “What do you have to hide? Are you a spy? You’re a spy, aren’t you!” he pointed an accusing finger at me. A spy? What was he talking about?

Hands shot out and grabbed my shirt collar, shaking me. “Spill it already, you know we know, so just stop hiding and SPILL. IT,” Nox growled lowly.

All I could manage was, “I…I-I.” Very manly of me.

Nox continued to shake me over and over. My collar was digging into my neck, and I was finding it difficult to breathe.

Finally, the quiet observer decided to step in. “There’s no need to strangle him, maybe there’s an explanation –“

“There’s no WAY there an explanation that makes valid sense without the worst happening… Aren’t you worried in the slightest, Lyr? This is your brother that we’re talking about!” Nox retorted, still not letting go of my collar. He was starting to lift me up a few inches off the ground. The constriction around my neck was greater, and I tried to pry his tight fingers from their hold, but it was futile.

“Put him down,” a sharp voice came from behind him.

We were all startled. Lyris snapped his head in the direction of the tent flap. Nox did the same, but didn’t relent his grip on my shirt. I could only try to pathetically attempt to crane my neck to see who was at the entrance to the tent now.

A tall, willowy woman stood at the flap with stern green eyes. Her hands were on her hips, and her body language just screamed that she was not to be messed with. At all. A green vest that seemed to be the standard around the carnival showed just who she was. She was probably some kind of high figure of authority, maybe. But her bright blue hair interfered with that image just slightly, but not by much. In fact, the first thing my eyes were really drawn to was the brilliant shade of blue that was the color of her hair. It was unusual. Just like mine.

The woman started looking impatient. “I said, ‘Put him down’,” she said evenly, as if she was just barely controlling herself as she was watching the scene unfold before her.

I was set down, albeit reluctantly, by Nox.

My hands immediately flew to my neck, gasping for air.

Nox was panting, equally so, but not from lack of air like I was. “Do you know who he is.” His voice was shaking with anger and so were his hands. “He’s a spy, a dirty filthy spy that somehow found his way –“

“Quiet!” the woman snapped, effectively shutting Nox’s words. His eyes narrowed to the point of slits, but still he said nothing in retaliation. “Stop making senseless accusations.” She stared at me intently, like she was searching for something. “This boy isn’t a spy,” she finally said. “Now you two, go and get ready for the main act. It starts soon and it won’t bode well to be late.”

“But-“

“Now,” she commanded without looking at them. Nox stood in silence for a few moments, debating. He finally gave up and stiffly made his way out the tent, snatching up the other wooden sticks that had leaned against their cot. It was sometime before Lyris stood up. He had been so silent I had almost forgotten that he was there. He was still dazed, but now he looked at me with a sad, almost longing, distant kind of look. He carried his guitar out with him after Nox, leaving the woman with the blue hair and I alone.

“Um,” I said, wanting to say something to the strange woman, who seemed to know something.

She simply turned away from me. “Say nothing. I cannot answer your questions. Those are things that will come in time. It is best if you understand them for yourself anyway.” The woman began making her way out of the tent.

“So you do know something about me then!” I exclaimed, following her out.

The woman was silent as she continued to walk. “Yes…and no. You were right to come here though. The answers are here, and there, and wandering, but they will all come around here eventually.” She gracefully jumped over the strip of blue cloth that roped the area, and headed back towards the carnival. I stumbled over the cloth after her.

“But when?” I asked. “And how do you know about this? How do you know about me?”

There was a way to the woman’s walk that seemed like she was gliding along the tall grass, and barely made any sound as her foots padded through the carnival. It was emptying out now, and they were all heading towards the large tent at the center.

She shook her head in answer.

“Now is not the time to answer those questions. For now…” she trailed off as we neared the tent, “it’s time to enjoy a show.”

--

The walk to the tent was slow. They weren’t in any hurry to get there. More important things were on their minds apart from the show. Nox’s mind was buzzing away, a storm of thoughts and doubts and anger. And annoyance too. He knew there was something off about Zion the minute he had heard he had lost his memory. He may have been drunk at the time, but the years he at spent in the world had taught his mind to constantly be alert, always suspicious. Things and people were never really as they seemed.

And so when he had heard the single two-word phrase that had been the one coined as the specific code for Lyris’s brother, it was like a thousand alarms rang off in his head. Warning, the human in your presence is not as he seems. That much felt obvious. And it was only confirmed when the words slipped out of his mouth.

He didn’t even remember striding across the tent and grasping Zion’s collar. Looking at his hands, he felt how helpless he was to his emotions. And he hated it.

Lyris’s thoughts were different. His thoughts were numb, and still. They moved so slowly that there were barely any movements in that pond. There was only a breeze that creeped through his mind that was the only disturbance. He was the type to trust easily, and Nox always pointed it out as his fatal, prominent flaw. But Lyris did see it like that.

The image of Zion saying the two-word phrase that was so familiar to him was constantly replaying in his head as the duo made their way through the thinning out crowd of the Other Worlde. It was as if they had made some kind of mental agreement with each other as they took the long way around, circling the edge of the booths instead of cutting straight through. Nox walked with his head held high, but Lyris quietly trailed out behind him.

The thing was, the words had more of an effect on Lyris than they had for Nox. For Nox, they were part of a superficial phrase that was simply identification. But for Lyris, they were the words that defined his older brother.

How much he missed him. How long had it been since he had last seen him? Lyris couldn’t remember. But that wasn’t unusual. He and his group often left for long periods of time, and spontaneously reappeared back at the carnival. The only forms of communication he got during those long periods were the occasional message delivered from Yula. But even those were brief and couldn’t make up for the loneliness.

But when he saw Zion… He almost mistook him for his brother. The eyes… Their eyes were the same intensity of blue. Lyris got the strange blue-hazel combination that was fascinating to look at, but they couldn’t compare at all to his brother’s blue eyes.

And maybe it was also there in the way he talked. His brother was never very confident and tended to stick to the sides of most things. It was the way he acted, the way he sat, the way that it all reminded him of his brother in such little ways. Those were the things that only he could tell. To Nox and Tate, he looked like another average boy. But to Nox, Zion was the one who bore the strange resemblance to his brother.

Although, it could have just been his head building these things. He hadn’t seen his brother in so long, that it occurred to him that maybe it was just that he was making things up about Zion that he didn’t actually do. He hoped it was that, even though it was a bit of a troubling thought.

But it was time that he put aside the thoughts that skimmed the surface of his mind, and focus on getting the main act on the road as the duo reached the side tent connected to the main one. Most of the performers were already there, dressed in their bright costumes and masks. Lyris headed for the group in the corner that consisted of the Sicarius Symphony, as they tuned their instruments as best as they could.

“Where you’ve been?” Aric asked with his hands that moved around as Lyris slipped his way into the group. Aric

“Just back at my tent with Nox. I lost track of time since he got drunk.” Lyris purposefully left out the part about Zion. He wasn’t sure how to even begin to explain it all anyway. Hopefully Tate hadn’t gone and run around with his mouth.

But of course Tate had.

“Really?” Kamari asked, adjusting the stilts that were attached to her long legs. “Tate was in here earlier saying that there was some guy wandering around here without his memory. I think Arianthe went to go and see him.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said casually. “He’s with Arianthe right now. Dunno what they’re doing right now though.”

“Oh, okay, I was hoping that I could see him, but maybe he’ll be wandering around latert,” Kamari remarked, and the conversation then switched to what songs we were going to play.

I looked over at Nox. He looked a little bit more relaxed as he set down the sticks he carried and began to twirl one of them in his hands, faster and faster. The fire breather was always a different person when he began performing, and while practicing, he entered a zone where his fumbling movements and shifting tempers came to rest. It was the same for much of the Other Worlde and their performers, Lyris mused, as most of them were.

Someone shook my shoulder to get my attention. It was Aric, who was signaling with his hands. The movements were quick, but everyone in the Other Worlde could understand what they were saying, or at least get the general idea. “We were just talking about playing piece nine, thirteen, forty-nine, and twenty-eight. How does that sound?”

“Uh, ye-yeah,” I said, not really thinking about what he had said. “Sounds good.”

Aric frowned at me a bit, and started signaling with his hands again when Terence bounced into the tent waving a long, ornamental stick. “Okay, so we’re going to be starting soon! You all know the order, right? Yeah, yeah? We’re going to be doing act number 32, just in case if you’ve forgotten. Ringmaster says that we should all be getting into our positions. So let’s make this another amazing show for our last night here! And then we can break the bottles that Nox hasn’t gotten ahold of – yes I do know about that you were so obvious about it Nox, don’t even try to hide it – so let’s get ready to wow them!” Terence had the glint in his eyes as he turned around with his arms outstretched.

“And now, let the show begin!”

  Act One

                In which:

                                The show starts

                                The plot begins

                                The mystery unfolds

Chapter 05 – This is my last goodbye

It was loud. I thought it was already that way when I was walking around the carnival earlier, but now, taking all of those voices and condensing them into a small area amplified it all the more. There were three benches that circled around the tent, each one being raised a little bit more as they neared the back. There were barricades that were lined in front of the innermost benches. Tall poles were on the outer edge of the tent, illuminating it. Taut lines ran from pole to pole, with a small platform that protruded from the sides of the poles where the lines met. There were other poles that were unlit at the circle along the barricade. It was cleared there inside the ring, but an empty space broke the lines of benches on the side of the tent. That was the entrance.

Most of the seats were crammed, save for a section of benches that were roped off. The people from the carnival were there, dressed in their green vests and smiles. Arianthe glided over to that section and sat down. I followed her, and looked at her expectantly.

“Sit,” she said flatly, looking at the space next to her. I hesitantly sat down.

I wanted to ask her questions, but I had the feeling that she wouldn’t bother to answer them. I could feel curious eyes burning into my back without even turning around. Nor did I want to. I simply sat quietly in my seat like a good little boy, hands quietly folded, trying to make myself as small as possible. I hope that if I could stay like that, then maybe I could become invisible and no one would notice me. That was a stupid idea since I stuck out like a sore thumb against the green standard vests. My worn faded brown button down shirt looked nothing like green. So it was obvious that once again, I didn’t belong.

I wondered what exactly triggered Nox and Lyris’s reactions. Nox said that I was a spy. A spy for what? Why, who? So many questions, and not enough answers. There were never enough answers. In fact, I felt that in coming to the Other Worlde, I got more questions and no answers. What a waste of a trip.

Not really.

There it was again. The voice. And it was louder this time. You finally around?

Always around.

That was confusing. If that was so, I felt that the voice would just never be quiet and constantly talk and make side comments. Really?  I thought skeptically.

When I can.

What’s that supposed to mean.  I thought, annoyed.

What it means. The voice replied simply.

Arianthe’s eyes were suddenly on me. Like she knew.

What are you doing in my head anyway? I asked, not really expecting an answer.

…Another time.

The voice was now faint and distant.

…Hello?  I asked cautiously.

There was no answer.

“Don’t seek answers. The harder you look for them, the harder it will be for you to find them. Just sit back and go with where the flow takes you. It will be easier that way,” Arianthe suddenly said, now looking at the center of the tent.

She was strange, definitely, I thought. It was like there was just something about her that made me uneasy. Although that might have just been her knack of seeming to know things that she refused to reveal. “What do you –“

“Shush,” she cut me off, nudging her head towards the center of the ring. “It’s starting.”

And just as she said that, someone walked right out of the entrance to the tent right in front of me. With that second glance, I knew that it was Terence. As he strode confidently to the center, the chatter in the tent slowly died down. I noticed he was now dressed in a bright red vest and dark colored pants, a lit torch, and a hollow cone-looking device in his hands. He brought it to his mouth. “Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, teenagers and kids of all ages,” his voice boomed through the tent. I nearly jumped at the unexpected volume. Did the cone-device amplify his voice?

“….to the Other Worlde,” he finished, Twirling slowly in a circle. “I hope you’re all having a good time,” there was a loud cheer from the crowd at this, “and you’re ready for a real treat that we have prepared for you today. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!” His arms were in the air in a dramatic fashion, and the fires that lit the outer edge of the tent went out.

It was dark, pitch black. I couldn’t see a single thing. At first I thought that I was blind, but I could hear the number of hushed whispers of worry from around the tent. Only the section that I sat in seemed to be calm. I could hear anything from Arianthe. So I controlled my rising panic and sat still.

And then I saw it. There was a little glow in the ring, just a tiny pinprick of light, a small flame. Gasps of excitement could be heard, and then the flame got bigger. The glow revealed that it was burning on a stick. And then there were two flames, one on each end of the stick. It was no longer just a floating bit of light. It was a long stick with to burning ends held in the middle of it by a person. A person dressed in all black, and who’s face I couldn’t identify. It was covered by a simple black mask over the person’s eyes, but these facts were quickly discarded once the stick began to twirl. It twirled in a circle, around and around, faster and faster until it was just a ring of fire and the stick was barely visible. The figure twirled it around him, behind him, in front of him, to the sides, above him, and himself spinning around the ring, faster and faster in an impossible dance.

And then the circle of fire abruptly stopped, and the entire tent held its breath as the stick was held horizontally in front of the performer. Everything was still. So very, very still. And then without any hesitation, one end was brought to the person’s mouth, and swallowed in his mouth. At the same time, the other end of the stick went out, once again plunging the tent into darkness.

Everyone held their breath in the silence of the darkness.

Fire was suddenly shot out in the dark. It was by the far end of the edge of the ring, and caught fire to one of the poles. A burning fire glowed at that end, and the stream of fire disappeared. And then it happened again. A stream of fire was shot out once and then twice before three poles around the edge were lit. It gave the tent just a few small glows of light, but still not enough to illuminate the ring. The performer dressed in dark clothes stood very still in the center of the ring, now with two sticks strapped against his back.

He then shot out fire again from his mouth, this time making a circle around himself. A ring of fire surrounded him, the flames licking tall and strong. Sparks flew in the air as smaller, tiny winks of light that quickly faded. The figure then quickly whipped out the sticks strapped to his back and stuck the ends into the flames that quickly caught on fire. He both of them now, one in each hand, faster and faster so they became nothing more than moving yellow circles in a bright ring of flames. He never stopped once. Not even when he leaped through the wall of fire around him and danced around it gracefully, leaping and falling to an invisible rhythm. And the fire followed him.

The fire trailed out beneath his feet, a thin line that would quickly go out after a few seconds. The ring in the middle still burned brightly. Sometimes the man slowed, falling in to a tempo that was easy and relaxed. His body would express the same thing, his dance going into something slower along with the twirling. He danced to the crackle of the fire, and the sparks that flew and the glow that was emanated. But just as the fire started to crackle a bit louder, he would quickly speed up his movements, the spinning of the sticks, the leaping and spinning about the ring, faster and faster and faster –

Until he made his way back into the ring of fire, kneeling on one knee and head bowed. His left arm was in front of him holding the stick that was now becoming a small stub, and his right was the same, but placed behind his back. And just as the last bit of fire burned out on the sticks, the circle of fire went out.

And so the tent was once again plunged into darkness.

The rest of the poles around the tent were slowly lit, and I could dimly make out the silhouette of people crawling on the poles. There is now enough light in the tent to illuminate the center ring, but no more, no less.

I can see the form of the performer in the center as he reaches for his face and takes off his mask. I think he smiles before bowing, and a huge round of applause and cheers are met with it. Mine included. As the applause begins to die down, he heads for the entrance. When he reaches the tent flap, our eyes meet, and I realize that it’s Nox. Nox is the fire breather.

He recognizes me too, I can tell, and the smile slips into a scowl as he disappears out of the tent. I shift a little bit. I really wished I knew just why Nox hated me so much. Had I done something wrong?

But I didn’t have the time to think or dwell on these ideas further. The next act was about to begin.

A small, petite girl made her way into the ring. She wore a deep red mask that went with her dark red hair that glinted in the glow of the flames. Wearing an equally red, tight shirt and short, loose skirt, she nimbly climbed up the pole in a matter of seconds. I was curious to know just how it was even possible to do that, there must have been some kind of trick, I mused, when the girl stood herself atop of the platform on the side of the pole. And she brought herself on the tight rope with a few delicate movements. She makes her way across the first section with ease, but when she reaches the section in between the second and third poles, she does simply walk on the rope. She nearly dances her way across it, swaying and twirling just slightly to create the feeling that she was dancing to a waltz (A waltz. How strange. I knew that it was a kind of dance piece written in a certain time signature – oh look. There I was again, saying strange terms that seemed too complicated for my mind to ever wrap itself around, and yet, the ideas of them were still there.) that only she could hear.

When she made it to the next section of the rope, she changes it completely and begins to slowly bend backwards, creating an arch with her body on the rope. The tent is tense, and it’s like the entire audience is holding their breath. Except for the section that I sat in. I was sure that only I was as transfixed by it all as I was.

She then brought her legs up and over, creating another arch. And another. And another, and another. She did this until she was completely across that section, and although we as an audience first thought that we were safe, it was far from over.

The next and last section of the rope is a combination of the last two parts she did. The waltz and the arches. She would dance a little before smoothly transitioning into an arch, and so on and so forth. But she did her entire act on the rope. Not once did she ever fall or seem to even have the slightest slip up. Maybe she’s just incredibly adept at this.

When she reached towards the end, she didn’t climb back down like I had supposed her to, but did a few flips in the air before landing with a single steady thump on the ground.

There was another whooping round of applause for her, although I felt that most of it was relief that she had simply survived and hadn’t fallen. She gave a quick curtsy, but didn’t remove her mask before hurrying out the tent.

The two acts were incredibly amazing, I observed. Or maybe I felt that way because I had never seen anything exactly like it before. Or maybe I had. But that didn’t change too much. I found myself transfixed watching the performers with all their grace perform and dance.    

All was silent when the next performer made her appearance. Face still covered, her hair fell in dark brown curls around her, and she wore a tight fitting blue and purple material. In her hands were something bunched together, and she slowly made her way to the center. And behind her entered another performer. He was dressed in a red vest, faced covered by a mask and hat, carrying a guitar in his arms.

Lyris?

His face was masked, but I felt for sure that it was him that stood towards the edge of the ring. He struck a chord, a strummed a few notes, and the next act began.

The girl threw her arms in the air, allowing the object in her hands to explode. They were ribbons. Long ribbons in shades of blue and purple, that were attached to sticks grasped in her hands. The ribbons stayed suspended in air for what seemed like an eternity, and in an instant, the spell was broken. They came falling down, but were quickly caught as the girl began to twirl in circles. Her delicate feet made her twirl in circles and move in circles around the ring. The ribbons went up and down around her, flung into the air in more circles and waves. It was memorizing to watch the colors change in the dim light, as they fell into an easy rhythm.

The music that played from the guitar was an easy, slow tune that was almost haunting in the still quiet of the night. The girl did her performance to the music, throwing the sticks into in the air, when the music hit a fast, false concluding note. The ribbons seemed to almost hover as when she would then flip, catching them in her hands on the way down just as the music started again. The pattern continued, as she would twist, tumble, and contort her body to the tune of the guitar.

Her body is incredibly flexible. That’s the feeling I get while I watch her, and that she isn’t even showing off her limits, as she bends her body into an arch. She kicks her feet up, and catches the ribbons with her feet. She’s in a handstand now, and then she bends her knees, thrusting the ribbons back into the air yet again. Flipping, she catches the ribbons and begins her dance again.

She finally ends kneeling on the ground, ribbons splayed out around her. The music from the guitar finally ends with the few last resounding chords. The audience is silent. And then as if realizing that the act was actually over, there was another applause, one more of silent awe than the loud uproars of the previous ones. She stands slowly, and with a small curtsy, leaves the ring with the ribbons trailing out behind her. The man who I was now almost positive was Lyris followed after her.

It looked like Arianthe was sleeping when I casually looked over to my left. Her eyes were closed, but she sat so straight that it was almost unnatural. I reached out my hand to shake her awake when her hand shot out and grabbed it before I could even touch her. Aside from her arm’s sudden movement, she hadn’t changed her position an inch, and she didn’t even open her eyes. She let go of my hand, which I hesitantly pulled back. It was like she saw me without even looking in my direction. Just who the hell are you?

Not normal, I’ll give you that.

Nice to see you back. But I think I could have figured that out on my own.

The voice didn’t answer, but that didn’t matter, for it looked like the next act was beginning. It probably was safe enough to say it was since an extraordinarily tall girl (who I recognized from my time while wandering around the carnival) came running into the ring with a boy with a sack on her shoulders, shrieking with wild laughter. It was a completely different start from compared to the ones before it. The others had started as more calmer and mellow, and generally stayed that way. This looked like it would be more of a comedic act.

Both were masked, but I thought that the boy on her shoulders was Tate for a second. It probably was. Even in the dim light, the bright grin on his face could have only belonged to him. But I didn’t know who the girl was, at least not by name. They were both wearing masks, as per usual – what was up with this place and masks anyway? – and huge smiles on their faces. I think they were the first smiles I really saw during the acts.

After running around the ring a few times, the girl finally slowed and plucked off Tate from her shoulders. Tate took the sack he had carried and gave it to the girl, who opened it up. She pulled out a handful of scarves. Tossing them one by one to Tate, he nimbly caught them and began to toss them from hand to hand, and then before I knew it, he was juggling! The colored scarves always floated a bit in the air before they came down to land on his hand, creating almost a mystical feeling about it.

Once he had been juggling for a few moments, the girl began to toss small balls at him. They looked like the ones Tate had been playing with before. He added them on with the scarves, creating a neat pattern of them. He was now juggling eight objects – four scarves and four balls – but that changed when he had scarves in his hand and tossed them back to the girl. He never stopped his rhythm of juggling, and continued on as naturally as he had before. The girl then threw other things at him. Toys, tomatoes, rocks, rings, bottles, pins. The sack certainly carried much more than it looked like it had.

Tate was now juggling a number of things, which he threw back at the girl in random directions and random moments. The girl would run around the ring on her tall stilts to catch them, and she did every time. He was juggling now, faster and faster and faster that I couldn’t even tell that his hands were moving and the objects were going by to fast I could barely make them out.

And then he wasn’t holding anything.

He had juggled so fast that he had thrown them all back at the girl without me barely noticing him doing so.

But it wasn’t over.

The girl reached into the sac once again, but pulled out something that glinted in the small amount of light. I didn’t know what it was at first, but instead of throwing it, she shot it at him, where he quickly caught it in his hands. Just as he tossed the object in the air, she shot another one of them at him. And another, and another. And another. By then I had already figured out what he was juggling now.

Knives.

They flashed and gleamed, catching whatever small bit of light they could in the tent. The whole audience was collectively gasping, as if it weren’t enough that a small child had such skill with his hands, now he could juggle knives.

I thought Tate was crazy. He could have gotten hurt, and sliced his hands to the same ribbons in the last act. I wanted to run into the ring and pull him out of juggling the knives, but I stopped myself. He didn’t seem the least bit worried about the fact that he was juggling knives. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying himself, juggling them faster and faster until the knives were just sparkles of flashing yellow.

And quite suddenly, it all stopped. Tate held two knives in each hand straight out in front of him. It had all stopped so suddenly, that it was like there was a heavy breath still in the tent. But yet it still wasn’t over. He flung the knives out from his hands in quick succession, where four heavy thunks could be heard. Everyone turned their heads in the direction of the thunks, and gasps were heard.

The knives were firmly lodged into a straight line on one of the poles that burned the fires. Tate had done it so quickly with such accuracy that it was astonishing. So not only did he juggled, but he could also juggle dangerous things, and had precision with knives too.

He was really something special.

They both removed their masks, and it immediately confirmed my guess that the boy was Tate. The crowd burst into astonished applause as they signaled the end of their performance. On making their exit out of the tent, Tate saw me, first with some surprise, but then shot me a smile. I gave him one back, as thanks for his performance.

Terence came out just as they exited. He had his cone-shaped device with him again, which he held to his mouth. “Well, I think we’ve all just enjoyed those few acts now, haven’t we?” A roaring applause was the answer. “Glad to hear it! We’ve all worked extremely hard on this show for you all, and we’re all pleased to know that we have entertained you well this night. So on behalf of the Ringmaster, and the rest of the Other Worlde, we all wish you the best of nights and days, so until the next time we meet – “

The tent suddenly erupted with groans and protests.

Terence burst into a huge smile. “I’m just kidding! Of course we’re not done yet!” The crowd immediately quieted down. “We can’t just end the night now! Not when we still have one last part of the show left to conclude this with!” Cheers came from every bench of the tent. “And so, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I am pleased to present you,” he paused for effect, “the Sicarius Symphony.”

Loud cheers erupted as a group came through the tent flap, marching to the center. It was only a group of five, carrying their instruments in their arms, or carting them. I recognized Lyris immediately, carrying his guitar over his arms. The girl who had done the tight rope walking was pushing a rack that hung tall, dangling poles of metal. A drum was attached to the side. Another girl who had just been performing with her stilts had taken them off, and was now carrying a large instrument with strings. A bow was in her other hand. A man had a long black instrument in his hands, and another one of them had a strange box shaped instrument with keys on the side in his arms.

The cheers were dying down, and Terence placed his cone down. He brought it hands up, holding three fingers up. Two. One.

A clear, ringing sound of a single note resonated through the tent. And then another. Two notes together. And then it formed a basic repeating tune. The tight-rope girl held small hammers in her hands, and struck the poles of metal. Each strike made a note that brought chills. And then another instrument joined in. It was a thick, rick sound, and it looked like it came from the large wooden instrument with the bow. At each left and right movement, a new low, rich note that was in perfect harmony with the sounds from the hanging poles. More instruments joined in, keeping a beat that was almost like a dance. The notes were happy and cheerful, but slow and steady. If I closed my eyes, I could feel myself swaying to the tune.

A low beat came in with the rest of the instruments. Most likely from the drum. And then the singing began. It was low and sonorous, complimenting the tune of the song. It looked like Terence was the one doing the singing. The man with the box instrument was stretching it with his hands and then pushing it back together. Lyris was strumming, and the girl would had been tapping the metal poles was now rolling sticks on the drum.

But just as the same with every other act, the music slowly escalated before being brought back down. Sometimes it shot up in speed, and other times it plunged right down. There was never a dull moment in the music. And there was Terence’s singing.

It sounded like he was singing something, and yet he wasn’t. Maybe he was singing in another language, but it sounded recognizable and familiar. And yet so haunting. When I listened closer, there was a different edge to the music. Something underlying it all, creeping, creeping. It was a little unsettling. But I had the feeling that I was the only one who felt that way about the music and its vibes. It wasn’t that the music sounded bad. In fact, it was enchanting, and I drank in all the sounds. But the music… There was something about it that I didn’t like, and made me want to leave the tent. The Other Worlde. And never look back.

A hand suddenly grasped mine I looked down at it. Arianthe had her hand over mine, althought she still wasn’t looking at me. But I saw a slight shaking of her head. I took a few deep breaths to the rhythm of the music, calming my nerves. She then let my hand go.

I continued to listen to the music. I listened as Terence’s voice faded, and the music kept on playing. I listened as the tune continued on, until the metal poles were struck by the tight rope girl. And again. And again. The music from the instruments had stopped, but the single, clear notes that played still hung in the air, before they faded away.

I shivered.

The entire tent was silent when the last note faded. It stayed that way until a silent applause came from one section, and slowly spread across the crowd. I found myself numbly clapping. The Symphony bowed and curtsied, waving and smiling at us. When Terence and Lyris looked in my direction, I immediately looked away.

As they made their way out of the tent, the people from the carnival in my section stood up. They began to go to different sections and direct the people in the audience out. The crowd chattered on their way out in excitement and laughter. No one seemed to be unsettled by anything. Maybe it was just me. They all slowly made their way  out of the tent until only Arianthe and I sat in the tent, and we were the only ones left. We didn’t say anything, and only the crackle of the fire spoke.

“Ah…” I wasn’t sure what to say to break the silence.

“What did you think of it?” Arianthe said, still not looking at me directly.

“Of the show?”

She nodded.

“It was…um…okay, er – no, great! Well, I’m not sure, since this is the first that I’ve seen, or can remember.”

“Anything unusual?”

I was confused. “Unusual how?”

“You tell me.”

I gave it some thought. There were some unusual things that had happened, but nothing unusual as in unusual. But maybe… “The music,” I said slowly.

“What about the music?”

What about the music had been strange? “It wasn’t that I didn’t like it, but there was something about that…something about it that was unsettling. I-I don’t know how to describe it, but it didn’t seem like anyone else thought of the music that way. Actually, nevermind. It was probably just me, it wasn’t even that unusual –“

Arianthe stood up and began walking out the tent. “Excellent observation,” she replied, still not looking at me. “Follow me.” And of course, without looking to see if I was following, she left.

I had no idea what she was talking about. But I figured I should still follow the strange woman, since she seemed to know something, no matter how much she didn’t even spare me a second glance. Standing up shakily, I realized that I was alone in the tent barely lit. Hit with a panic attack as I was onslaughted with the images of the facility, I raced out the flap into the chilly night air.

Looking ahead, I saw that Arianthe disappearing just as she turned around a booth. I ran in the direction, skidding to a stop at the corner. She still continued to walk purposefully, without ever slowing her pace. I jogged so I was behind her.

We were walking in the same direction where we had come from, from the roped off tents. I could hear a distant sound of voices in the opposite direction, where I assumed all the carnival goers were leaving to. “Um,” I cleared my throat, “Arianthe, where are we going?”

“Back,” she said simply.

“Can’t I just – “

“There’s someone you need to see first,” she replied evenly. “She’ll decide whether or not you go. Besides, you never did get your answers, did you?”

I stiffened. I was sure that she now knew more that she would ever decide to reveal. I did need my questions answered. No one at the carnival seemed to know, and if Arianthe didn’t want to reveal anything, then this was the last person I could turn to. I was filled with feelings of absolute dread.

Most of the tents in the roped off area had lights lit inside of them. Whoops of joy and laughter came from behind some of them. But we steered clear away from those tents. We headed for one that was off to the side, one where there was only a small pinprick of light coming from it, one where it was silent. Arianthe motioned me over to the tent. “Go on in. She’s waiting for you.”

That didn’t sound cliché at all. “And what about you?”

Gazing off into the stars, her reply was distant. “Today looks like a nice night for stargazing. I’ll see you around.” And she wandered off, gliding across the grass.

I looked at the tent flap and took a deep breath. I reached for the flap, pulled it open, and ducked my way though.

It was a small tent, with only a cot, a small collapsible table, and a trunk. A girl sat on the cot, a girl even younger than I was. A cloak was draped over her shoulders, and a purple top hat with a ribbon sat on top of her dark red hair. Green eyes flickered in my direction. “Sorry I don’t have a chair, but you don’t mind sitting on top of the trunk, do you?” Her voice was almost innocent sounding.

“No, not at all,” I said, planting myself on the trunk.

“Good!” The girl flashed a bright smile. “My name is Jade, and around here, I’m known as the Ringmaster. But you can call me Jade, for now. No, there’s no need to introduce yourself,” she said, just as I was opening my mouth. “I already know who you are. Yes, I probably know more about you than you even know about yourself.”

What.

Laughing brightly, the girl clasped her hands together. “I’m sorry, that probably wasn’t the best way to introduce myself. That probably just gave you more questions and made me sound creepy.”

Right on.

“It…it’s just so difficult to explain everything right now. There’s so much you need to know, but I don’t think I can tell you.”

I shot up. “What? What do you mean! You know all these things about me, and yet I’m not sure who you even are! I came here to find answers on a gut feeling, and now I have people who know the answers to my questions, but won’t answer them! Why can’t you? It’s not like it’s too difficult to explain them! It can’t be too hard to ask! How do you know so much about me? Did you know me? Who. Am. I?” I nearly yelled. I was getting frustrated now. I panted heavily, trying to calm myself. Shaking, I sat back down on the trunk. “I…I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be,” Jade consoled gently. “It’s understandable. I take it that Arianthe hasn’t told you anything?”

My hands were in my head as I gained my composure again. “No.”

Jade frowned. “Zion… I’m really sorry. But the thing is, it’s just not my place to tell you.”

I raised my head. “Then whose place is it?”

A single finger pointed in my direction. “Yours.”

Confused, I looked down at myself. “Mine?”

“Yes, yours. The answers you’re looking for are right inside you. And it will make more sense if it comes from what’s inside you rather than what I or Arianthe can tell you. You know what I’m talking about, right Zion?”

She meant the voice, I realized, staring down at my hands. “Yeah… I think so, at least. But what is it? My voice, I mean.”

Another sad smile. “Unfortunately, that’s another one of those things that’ll be easier if it comes to you. And if I explained it to you, I’m not sure how you’d take it. I’m sorry, really, but it’s for the best that it comes within time. If you must know, yes. The voice has all the answers you need. He’ll probably explain it all better than I can anyway.”

I shook my head, frustrated again. “I came here to get answers. I don’t know if what I have are answers or not. I think they’re more questions than answers. I…I…”

Jade stood up, and walked over to me. She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “You did the right thing, coming here. Your answers will come soon, sooner than you think, I believe. You can stay here in the meantime. Your answers will come to you quicker. Dreams… They seem to have a habit of being stronger here in the carnival than in any other place.” She gave a wink.

Biting my lip, I thought of my options. I didn’t have many, and the most logical one was right in front of me. I didn’t know how to feel about the deal with dreams, but the shadow… It was the voice, and I was sure of it. And I only saw it in my dreams. “Okay,” I said, making up my mind. “I’ll stay.”

A smile once again lit up her face. “Great! You can stay with Terence and Tate, I don’t think they’ll mind a newcomer in their tent. You know them, right? Right. We’ll be heading to the next town over tomorrow, so we’ll be packing and traveling tomorrow. I have a feeling you’ll be here for a bit, so maybe then we can talk about you having a place in the Other Worlde. Sound good?”

It sounded reasonable, except for one part. “I don’t really plan on staying here for very long though.”

“Whether you are or aren’t, you’ll be expected to do your keep here. Even if you’re not working here or anything. Some of the others won’t understand why you’re here. We’ll just pick something simple for you, like managing a booth or something, okay?”

I shrugged. “I’m fine with that.”

“Okay, so your cover is that you’ve lost your memory, which is true, and I’ve offered to let you stay here until you get your memories back. Sound good?”

“Alright.”

“Although,” Jade warned, “some people here are going to be suspicious of you, I’m sorry to say. You’ve already met one.” She was referring to Nox. “Don’t be bothered by it. It’s only a handful of them, and eventually they’ll all warm up to you.”

“If you say so.” I highly doubted that Nox would just “warm up to me”. “Answer one question for me though.”

“Well that depends on what the question is.”

I played around with my question for a bit. “Why…why does Nox hate me so much?”

Jade frowned. “He’s had some bad experiences… And around here, what you say might trigger feelings. Happy or sad ones depend on what it is and the person. Just don’t worry about it too much.”

“Okay,” I replied, unsure.

There was a twinkle in her deep green eyes. “Don’t worry, things will be fine. Now, let’s get you settled into your cot. It’ll be a long day tomorrow.”

She headed towards the opening of the tent, and pulled back the flap, gesturing for me to go first. I nodded in thanks and ducked my way through. Jade followed. She then took the lead in driving us towards a tent near the middle, where two bright bouts of laughter came from. Jade called from the outside, “Mind if we come in?”

Laughter was stifled before a response came. “Nope!” And then the giggles came again.

We both made our way through. I was now standing in a tent with two cots and tents with a small collapsible table with an oil lamp that flickered. A folded up cot leaned against it. Terence was lying on his cot with his hands over his mouth, and Tate was curled up on his, laughter twinkling in his eyes.

“Oh, hi Zion!” Terence bounced right up. “How’s that smile coming along?”

He still remembered.  

And I gave a smile back in response. “Much better.”

He laughed in delight. “Good to know that you’re smiling now. What’s up?”

“Actually, Zion’s going to be staying with us for a while,” Jade started, before she was interrupted.

“Really?” Tate sat up and ran up to me. “Are you really staying with us Zion?”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” I laughed.

Small arms wrapped themselves around my waist. “Yay!” Tate cheered. “You’re staying with us for reals! We’re going to have so much fun!”

I patted his head. “Looks like so.”

“Why though?” Terence asked.

“Oh, well, Tate already knows this, but Zion’s lost his memory,” Jade explained, but Tate wormed his way into it too.

“Yeah! He’s got amenemisia!”

Terence was obviously confused at the jumble of sounds that sprouted from Tate’s mouth.

“It’s amnesia Tate,” Jade said with thinning patience. “So basically, Zion can’t remember anything from before a few days ago.”

A shocked gasp came from the mouth of Terence. “Really?”

I nodded. “Yup.”

“So in the meantime, I’ve allowed him to stay with us for a bit until he regains it. I’m leaving you two in charge of him, so is that alright?” Jade asked.

Tate stood straight and gave a salute. “You can count on us Ringmaster!”

Jade smiled warmly. “Well, good. I’ll let you all get settled in. Remember that we’re traveling tomorrow, so don’t sleep in! I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night Jade,” Tate said, running up to her and giving a tight hug.

Terence gave a bright smile. “Night to you too Jade. Sleep well!”

“Thank you,” I said, giving all of my wishes to her in those words.

“Good night to you too. I’ll see you all in the morning.”

  Chapter 06 – Before I finally fade

“You mind if I come in?” Jade’s voice floats from outside the tent.

Lyris doesn’t move from his position on the cot. He just looks at the top of his shared pitched tent. Nox jerks his head towards Jade’s voice, and merely grunts as an answer. The flap opens, and Jade ducks her way inside.

“I’ve just been making my rounds around the tents. Everything good?” she asks.

Nox grunts.

“Also a bit of news here, but a new worker is going to be here at the Other Worlde. Well, he actually doesn’t know right now how long he’s going to be staying, but I believe you both have already met him. Zion, you know him, right?”

Instead of just grunting in reply, Nox quickly stands up on his feet. “Zion? The boy with no memory?” His eyes narrow. “You can’t trust him, you don’t even know him, so why are you – “

Jade puts her hand up to silence Nox. “Listen to what I have to say first. I know you don’t trust Zion. In fact, you have every reason not to. But I do trust him. Just as you have every reason not to trust him, I do have every reason to trust him. He really has lost his memory Nox. Don’t question that statement. He is on no side as of now, and hardly knows of any side, and maybe it’s best to keep it that way for now. So stop scaring him. And he is not a spy.”

“But how can you know that,” Nox protested. “He knew his code – “

“He did, and he didn’t,” Jade replied flatly. “Right now, if I explained it to you, you wouldn’t believe me anyway. I can see it in your eyes. You’re already dead set convicted that he’s not to be trusted. Fine. Your opinion of him is none of my concern, but he will not be leaving anytime soon. You’ll get your answers soon enough. Even Zion doesn’t know the answers to all his own questions, so I find it only fair that you wait an equal amount of time.”

“How can you trust him though? You know nothing about him,” Nox retorted.

The Ringmaster smiled to herself. “I can trust him. I know about him. Well, more than he does know about himself, but not the whole story. In fact, you can trust him.”

“Why is that then?” Nox questioned sharply.

“I think Lyris can answer that for you.” Jade looked in the said man’s direction, but he barely even looked like he had heard a single thing that was going on around him.

Nox strode over to him, leaning over his face. “Hey, Lyris. Hey!” he yelled, trying to get his attention.

There was a blink. “Yeah, I heard you,” Lyris whispered. “Except even I’m not sure… It’s only a guess. And a feeling. Which aren’t very convincing, at least to you anyway. But, Jade, are you saying that –“

“Yes and no. Just remember this though. Zion is Zion. He is his own person, no matter what. Don’t confuse this,” Jade said.

But Nox wasn’t pleased with any of the things he was hearing. “What do you mean! Lyris, what do you know about all of this that I don’t! And what’s this big deal about him! Can’t we just leave him in the nearest village or something!” He was trying to restrain himself from going into a full-blown argument, but it was escalating that quickly.

There was silence in the tent, but finally, Lyris turned on his side, now facing the tent sides and not looking at anyone. “I don’t know what I know. I think I do, but I might be wrong. It’s all an assumption right now. I’m not about to make some random assumption sound right. So there you have it. We’ll get our answers soon enough, so calm down and shut your trap, alright?” Even Lyris was getting peeved now, and he just wanted the conversation to end. He didn’t know what to think of Zion.

“You’ll find out Nox. About everything. Right now, just go to sleep,” Jade said softly. “We’re traveling tomorrow, and we need to get into the next town by nightfall. Get some rest.” And she left.

Nox took a shaky breath in an attempt to calm himself down. But it didn’t work. He could still feel the amounts of frustration that he had building up still escalating further. He flopped down on the cot, running his fingers through his soot-black hair. They don’t know, he thought angrily. They don’t understand. They don’t know what it’s like. And the memories came rushing back.

He clutched his hands over his ears, as if it would stop all the voices, sounds, and flashing images in his head. But of course it didn’t. They just continued to go on and on, taunting him, reminding him of all the reasons why he had tried to squash them down so hard. They reminded him of what he had tried to put behind him, but the past was never really the past.

Putting out the candles with his finger, he slumped into his cot, wrestling with a horde of emotions that he couldn’t even begin to sort out. But one thought was clear in his minds as he fell to sleep.

He cannot be trusted.

--

It’s another dream. But instead of steel walls, the walls are stone. Stone cold walls and cobblestone underneath his feet. There’s no distinct source of light, but he can see perfectly fine. He presses his hands against the stone walls, and he can feel the chill of them race through his palms and pulse through his blood. It’s cold, so cold. Colder than ice.

When he breathes, he can see the faint cloud of gray puff and disappear. Zion shivers. He looks down to his left, and it’s a dark black square of emptiness. He turns to his left. And it’s the same black emptiness. Biting his lower lip, he’s not sure whether he should go right or left. But it’s a dream, right? So it shouldn’t matter, he reasons, which direction he takes.

He chooses left since right can’t always be right. He laughs shakily to himself at his lame joke.

Echoes of tapping noises bounce off the stones, and he can’t help but feel unsettled by this dream. Zion doesn’t like it at all. There was something about the emptiness, the sheer fact that it just looked like it never ended. It didn’t look like it would ever end.

His hand was still pressed against the stone wall, trailing out behind him. Why he didn’t remove them was a mystery to even himself, but in a way, it was the only comforting thing in the hallway. There were other things that Zion would have preferred, but there was nothing else in the enclosed space of cobblestone. It’s endless as far as he can tell, and goes on straight. The hall never deviates from its simple path of just going straight.

It then occurs to him that maybe he’s going the wrong way. Maybe he was supposed to go the other way. So Zion turns around, finally allowing himself to remove his hand from the cold stillness.

He wishes that he never looked back.

It’s a bloodbath. The stones he had stepped on before were now washed with dripping crimson, filling the walls, the floor, the ceiling. There’s a stark line between red and gray in front of his feet, like someone had drawn a perfect line separating the two different factions. Worst of all, Zion thinks he can see something white in the far distance of black. A single white dot.

Zion takes a shaky step back, and the red liquid inches towards his feet slowly, before stopping just mere centimeters away. He takes another. It advances a few more inches. Again. And again.

And the he runs.

It’s awfully redundant.

But there’s no laughter this time in this dream. He’s simply running, running, running. Running away from something that he doesn’t know, but something that he knows he won’t like. Zion can almost hear the blood racing to his heels.

He reaches the end.

There must have been some strange border where the hallway ended and opened up to nothing. It was literally nothing. Black space. He felt that he was standing on something, but when he tried to use his hands to feel the floor, it simply went through, past were his feet were, into nothing.

Zion looks back to where he had run from only to find that the corridor he had run from had disappeared. He tried running in the general direction of it, hoping that maybe miraculously it would just appear, but to no avail.

Something is being written in the corner of his eye. It’s something red off to his left, and he’s not sure whether he wants to see what it is or not. But he does anyway.

There are only five dripping words written against the black.

I am coming for you.

--

He opened his eyes. He was dreaming again and it was a different dream, and Zion knew it. Except it was different. There was now an ocean. An ocean of a deep blue color off to his left. Underneath his feet, it was still an endless stretch of black and white tiles, but it was split by the waves that lapped on the tiles. They seemed dry though, like there was a sharp split between the two spaces. In front of the ocean was a large flat rock. And on the rock was the shadow.

Even the shadow looked different that time, Zion thought. Features on the figure were more visible and prominent. It had been a shapeless form, but he could now make out the drawn up form of the shadow on the rock. Wisps of hair flew around its face, and its eyes were closed. If the shadow had emotions, Zion would have said it was relaxed.

He walks over in front of the rock to face the shadow. Water laps at his feet, but Zion doesn’t feel it, and nor does he even register that thought in his mind as he stares at the shadow.

It opens its eyes.

Hello, Zion. Nice to see you around here.

...Who are you?

It probably smiled right there and then.

I am you. Didn’t we say something about this earlier?

Yes, but… You can’t be me. Besides, wasn’t there something more to all of it?

There was a chuckle.

Right you are. I did say something like that, didn’t I?

Zion decides to just cut to the chase. Jade said you could answer my questions. You have the answers that I need, don’t you?

I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t.

Then why don’t you tell me?

…Answer this riddle for me, and I’ll tell you. “Without me, you are nothing. With me, you are as complete as you will become, but never whole. I am all around you, yet you are blind to my presence. You will find me in the most unlikely of places, but I will be your one and only most precious treasure that you possess. What am I?”

…Just answer my questions. Zion wasn’t in any mood to wait. Or answer any riddle.

The shadow seemed to sigh deeply. I can’t. Or, it’s more like I can, but won’t. …Because of me, you’ve lost your memories –

Wait, you’re the one who erased my memories? Why you –

No. I didn’t. Well, I guess I did. I didn’t mean to. It’s…it’s complicated. I hope you can forgive me for it. I really didn’t mean to do it… I wish I could tell you why I did it, but I can’t. Not until you can answer my riddle. Then you’ll understand.

But I do understand –

No. The shadow’s voice was loud, and almost angry. You don’t understand. You don’t understand anything. You’re memories are gone, and all you have are empty definitions of emotions and concepts. Those mean nothing. Those are things you have to experience for yourself to understand. I know you’re going to hate me. For a long time, you are going to hate me. But eventually, when you realize the answer to the riddle, you’ll realize why I had to do this. And I promise that I’ll tell you everything. I promise.

Zion took a deep breath, calming himself. I don’t like it. But I’ll take it for now. Just tell me one thing. Are you real, or are you just in my head?

The shadow must have laughed. If I’m in your head, doesn’t that make me real? I’m every bit as real as you are or every other thing you’ve seen and every other person you’ve met. I am now a part of you, just like you are a part of me. It’s not that much of a difficult concept to grasp.

Annoyed, Zion marched up to the shadow and was completely prepared to just grab and shake it until it gave him answers, and not roundabout riddles. But his hands swept right through the shadow like smoke.

Nice try. I’m real, but not that real.

Why do you keep on having to go around in riddles! If you’re me, why won’t you just give them to me and leave out all this crap you’re pushing on me.

I am you, just as I’m not you at the same time. We’re now the same, but we’re still two completely different people. Or entities. I don’t think I can really be classified as anything right now.

…That makes no sense.

Doesn’t have to.

He was getting fed up with the conversation with the shadow.

Hate me all you want. You can’t get rid of me, and face it. I’m the one with the answers that you need. I’m the only one that can best explain it all. Even Jade doesn’t know all the answers. The voice sounded smug. Look, I wish I could give you all the answers now. I really do. But I’ve done a lot of thought, and weighed out different options. And this is the best one that I’ve come up with. It’s not ideal, and honestly, I hope things don’t go horribly. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I feel like if I tell you now, things are going to get worse for you. Things are going to get bad, and there’s so much that you don’t know that you have yet to find out. And it’s best if you stay in the dark for a while.

…How long will I have to wait?

That all depends on you.

There was a slight disturbance. Everything was becoming a little fuzzy.

Looks like our time is up for today. See you around.

--

“We should wake him though.” Zion hears a voice whispering faintly. He supposes he’s awake, but he’s so tired that his eyes are heavy and he refuses to open them.

“But he’s sleeping so peacefully,” someone whined.

“If we don’t wake him up, someone’s going to get mad. Probably Nox.”

“He doesn’t have to know…”

“He’s going to.”

“Well, yeah, but I don’t want to wake him up through,” the voice continued to pout.

Who are these voices again?

Ah, yes, that’s right. I’m in Tate and Terence’s tent right now. So…

“Well if you’re not going to wake him up, I’m just going to flip over his cot. If he doesn’t wake up soon he’ll also miss breakfast.”

“True…”

“Okay.” There was weight on one side of the cot. “Three, two – “

I opened my eyes. “No, wait- “

Two pairs of blinking eyes stared back at me. Tate turned to Terence. “Told you it would work.”

“Always does.”

I was confused. “What?”

“Saying that we’re going to push people off of cots always seems to magically wake  people up,” Tate grinned.

“…”

“Well it worked, didn’t it?”

“…”

Terence reached over to pinch my cheek. “Smile, now!”

I swatted the hand away. “So what’s this about breakfast?”

“Oh!” They both said simultaneously. “You’re going to miss it if you don’t hurry up! We’ll save you something if we can, but I make no promises,” Terence said. “So you better get up quick! There are some clothes you can change into on the trunk. We’ll see you out by the fire.” They both headed out through the tent flap.

I swung my legs over the side of the small extra cot that was in the tent. There was a white long sleeved shirt with a green vest and loose black pants on top of the trunk Terence had referred to. I quickly stripped out of my clothes and pulled on the other ones on the trunk. Tate and Terence were more than happy to have me stay in their tent. They weren’t as suspicious of me as Nox was. I wondered how he would react to me being around. As long as he didn’t cause me any trouble, I was fine. It was more than fine if he left me alone. As long as there were some people who would still be on my side.

But I didn’t really feel like facing Nox. Or anyone else at the Other Worlde for that matter. I imagined that I would simply screw everything up and have more people hate me than I really needed. Or would have liked.

As I pulled on my pants, I thought about the conversation I had with the shadow. I was frustrated. The answers I wanted were just in my reach, but I couldn’t have them because something in me – or my own self (ah, yes, that was a complicated paradox) – wouldn’t let me. Which I found pointless and equally stupid.

Well, all I have to do is answer the riddle then, right? How does it go again?  I wracked my brain for an answer.

Without me, you are nothing. With me, you are as complete as you will become, but never whole. I am all around you, yet you are blind to my presence. You will find me in the most unlikely of places, but I will be your one and only most precious treasure that you possess. What am I?

Yes.

If it had been yesterday, I wouldn’t have remembered it at all. And, now, that I thought of it, the conversation was much clearer and fresh in my mind. It wasn’t like a fuzzy haze. I knew what we had said. And the shadow’s voice wasn’t broken or quiet. I could hear it loud and clear, speaking complete sentences to me. Maybe there was just something about this place.

But there was still something that I couldn’t recall. It was like there was something before that all, something important. Thinking about what it was left me with a feeling of dread, although I didn’t know what it was, exactly. This was the second time it had happened. Somehow, there was a feeling inside of me that said it was best if I never found out. But I wanted to. I wanted to know what it was. As long as I didn’t regret it that badly in the end.

With these thoughts sorted clear in my mind, I stepped out through the tent flap into the bright sunshine. The sky was a brilliant blue with a few clouds that slowly inches their way across the sky. In the daylight, it was refreshing to see all the vibrant and bright colors that the night had hid of the Other Worlde. There were a few people milling about, many of them faces that I didn’t recognize. They gave me strange looks before we made eye contact, when they quickly looked away as if they hadn’t seen me.

There were a few that were huddled in small groups, talking quietly to each other. Sometimes I thought that I could see them looking at me while they talked, but I just ignored them. I wasn’t ready to approach people that I didn’t know at all at the moment anyway.

I headed towards the fire at the center of the semi-circle.

Over the fire was a pot hanging from a stick over the fire. The delicious smell of cooking food reached me, and it was then that I realized how hungry I was. Dry logs were now set down around it as temporary seats. I saw Terence and Tate sitting at one of them, eating bread and soup while chatting and laughing with the others around the fire. Nox and Lyris were there too, and three other people that I didn’t know also sat with them. A small pile of empty dishes sat off to the side.

“Hey, Zion, come over here! Sit down next to me!” Tate called.

I sat on the empty part of the log next to Tate. I glanced around the fire. Nox was subtly giving me a hard look, and I immediately looked at Lyris who was sitting next to him. Lyris gave me a small nod in recognition. His expression seemed to look like he didn’t mind that I was here at all, although it was also like he was somewhere else, somewhere far away in his own thoughts. A girl sat next to him with hair that covered one side of her face. Her eyes were turned down to the ground, and she ate her food with a kind of rhythm of even intervals. On the next log beside them was another girl and man. The man looked at me with a kind of silent curiosity, while the girl just looked excited to see me.

“Hi!” the girl greeted. She had long legs, and I guessed that maybe she had been the one on stilts. “My name is Kamari! Normally I’m on stilts, or maybe I’m playing the cello, or sometimes both… Well, anyway, it’s nice to meet you Zion, I hope we can become good friends!”

Nox grumbled.

The man started making a bunch of hand gestures and movements.

“Ah…”

“Oh, yeah, this is Aric. He talks with his hands,” Terence explained. “He was born without his voice box, but he’s learned to communicate this way, and we’ve learned to understand his own language.”

“He just said right now, ‘Hello Zion, my name is Aric’,” Kamari translated. “’ It’s nice to meet you. Sorry for this inconvenience, but I still hope we can get to know each other. I play the clarinet, and you can also find me if you need anything. If you’re injured, you got a cut, just come over by my tent.’”

“O-oh, thanks, I hope he can be good friends too,” I said politely.

“Oh, where are our manners, we haven’t even fed you yet!” Terence smacked his head. He pulled out a tin bowl from behind him and began pouring the brown soup into it. He handed the bowl over to me, dropping a spoon into it. “There’s some beef, carrots and barely in it. That good for you? You want some bread along with it? If you don’t want any, I’m sorry, but maybe we can find something –“

“No, this is fine,” I assured the overreacting man, taking the tin bowl from his hands. “It smells great!” I spooned a bit of it, blew it to cool it down, and stuck it in my mouth. “Tastes amazing too!”

“Really? Haha, see Xio? Even the new boy likes your soup!”  Tate called over to the quiet girl who hadn’t said a word since I came.

She just nodded. She looked up a bit shyly at me, and gave a small nod before looking down again and making herself small.

Aric started making more hand motions again. His hands and fingers twitched so fluidly and rapidly that I felt I could hardly keep track of them. I wondered how it was even possible to keep up and translate them into words. While everyone else stared intently at his hands, I could see their minds whirring away at translating what he was saying. Except for me. I was sitting there looking dumb while pretending that my soup was the most fascinating thing on earth to me. It wasn’t.

“Well,” Kamari stated, “Aric just said that Xio over here is a little shy, so don’t think that she doesn’t like you or anything. We’re all friends here, and we’re happy to have to here at the Other Worlde with us. The Ringmaster already told us why you’re here, and you’re welcome to stay for as long as you like! He was also curious to know if you’ll be doing anything particular around here.”

“Um.” I said intelligently. “Well, I don’t know yet. I mean I’m happy to help out wherever I can, but I’m not sure how useful I’ll be. Or if I can do anything special for the carnival.”

“I’m sure we can find something,” Terence said gently. “We’re always in need of help, and I’m sure you have some kind of special talent. We just haven’t found it yet.”

Lyris mumbled something.

“What was that?”

He now mumbled a bit louder, “Knife thrower. We’re in need of a knife thrower.”

“But Lyr,”Nox started, “what about –“

 “Forget it then, it was a stupid idea.” Lyris stood up. “I’m going to go and help out with packing the instruments. See you around.” With that he turned and left. Nox only gave a curt nod before leaving after him.

“Well, we better be packing too. I think it’s your turn to take care of the dishes, Aric,” Kamari said, standing up and gathering up the used plates. “I already promised to help with putting away the tent, so I can’t come with you. Is anyone else free?”

Collective nods came around the circle. “Sorry.” “No can do.” “I’m already helping with packing up other things.”

I spoke up. “I don’t really have anything assigned to me… I guess I could come along.”

“Oh, you sure? You don’t have to,” Kamari said.

“But I want to, and I don’t really have anything to do right now anyway. Since you’re all busy…”

“Aric?” Kamari turned to him. “Is it alright?”

He made a few more hand motions.

“He says it’s alright,” Kamari translated. “So I’ll just leave it to you, okay then Zion?”

I nodded, and everyone said their goodbyes as they left. Kamari gave us two pieces of old cloth to dry the bowls with when we were done before leaving. Aric and I sat alone together by the fire for a bit before he got up and gathered half of the tin plates from the pile. He motioned for me to follow him and I gathered the rest of the remaining plates went with him towards one of the tents off to the left. They were now starting to be taken down, as well as the other booths and tables and fire poles that had been up the previous night. Aric slipped into his tent, and I followed.

The tent was smaller than the rest of the ones that I had been in, but there was only one cot, table and trunk inside. Aric dropped his tin bowls on the ground with a clatter and went into his trunk and shuffled around it. I awkwardly stood to the side. Pulling out a few sheets of paper, Aric leaned over the table and started scribbling down something with a stub of graphite. He then turned around holding the sheet of paper up to my face. The words on there were small and precise, crisp against the oddly colored paper.

Since you can’t read my hands, I’ll just be writing on paper. Sorry my handwriting is so bad.

“No, it’s okay, I can read it fine.”

Aric gave me a smile. Good. We’ll be going to the river nearby. It’s not too far away, maybe you passed by it on your way here?

I shook my head.

Oh, well, that’s okay. Just follow me. He then pulled out an empty sack from underneath his cot and shoved all the dirty plates into it. The bag was then passed over to me, and Aric nodded. I took this as a sign to dump my plates in it too, which I did, gratefully.

“I’ll take it,” I offered, taking the bag out of Aric’s hands and flipping it over my shoulder. He smiled at me gratefully, and with a single flip of his hand, he left the tent.

We walked through the clearing of the carnival, which was already considerably less crowded with tents, and towards the forest off to the side. Ah yes. Back to the forest. I seemed to have amazing experiences with forests. Maybe this would be different since I was with someone else, someone who was actually alive and breathing. And moving.

But we were silent as we made our walk through the trees, but it was different from my other silent walks. There was a presence that was with me. There was some kind of life that was with me as I walked, and I supposed that it was enough for me to be content. And that was enough.

About ten minutes or so of walking, Aric stopped suddenly, holding his hand up. And then I heard it. A rush of water that trickled through the forest. It came from the left, and so that was the direction we headed in. We only had to push away a few branches and step over some prickly bushes, but it certainly got us to the river much faster.

It wasn’t a very large river, and nor was it very deep, but it was enough that it was possible to wash a few dishes and bowls properly in. We stood by the water for a few moments, Aric staring intently at it. He hesitantly bent down and slowly placed his hand in it, cupping a small amount of water in his palm. It trickled out slowly, and when it did, he brought his hand to his face and sniffed it. Nodding to himself, he looked at me expectantly. I realized that he was telling me to open up the sack I was carrying.

I set it down on the thin dirt bank of the river.  Aric grabbed the bottom of it and dumped it upside down, where the tin bowls and plates clattered to the ground loudly. He then grabbed a bowl and ran it through the water, scrubbing the sides with his hands. I did the same. When he was done, he took out his piece of cloth and dried the bowl, placing it back in the sack. We worked in silence as we washed the bowls, but it was in no way awkward or strange at all. And I liked it.

No one was asking me about myself or who I was, putting me in stressed positions. And for a while, I actually forgot about my whole situation, and focused entirely on washing the plates, falling into an easy rhythm where I let my hands do the work. My mind became blank and relaxed, listening to the rushing water’s music and the whisper of the leaves when they rustled. It was a good feeling.

Until Aric splashed me on the face.

I was jolted out of my little fantasy world to Aric’s laughing face. His eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth was panting in a soundless laugh – I was hit with a hard reminder that Aric couldn’t really laugh (and I wondered what it would have sounded like if he could) – hand clutching his stomach. I was stunned for a few seconds before I realized what had happened, and I grinned mischievously. Shooting my hand in the water, I thrust it up in Aric’s direction, spraying water all over him. He stopped laughing, and gave me a look that said only one thing and required no other words. This is war.

We ended up splashing each other with water for a good long while, with our laughter in the air. Well, mine, really, but I thought I could hear Aric’s laughter too, even if it wasn’t really there. It was the feeling in the air as we acted like little children. It didn’t matter if it was one of the most “immature” thing we could have possibly done, it didn’t matter that our clothes were getting wet and it didn’t matter that we should have been heading back. None of it mattered. It was the most fun I’d had since I could recall. I didn’t realize what it meant to be so free and happy, and it was all with someone who I hardly even knew.

We were breathless when we finally stopped, and parts of our clothes and hair stuck to our skin. And we both sat there, just listening to the water of the river.

“Thank you,” I said softly. “I didn’t realize how much I needed that.”

Aric shrugged, but still had a smile on his face. He pulled out his sheets of paper that he had stuffed into his pockets and his stick of graphite and began to scribble on a nearby rock. The paper was a little wet when he handed it to me, but it didn’t affect the words that were scribbled on the paper at all. Glad to hear that. You looked like you needed it. I know I’m in no place to ask and maybe you’ve been asked this a lot, but what’s your story Zion?

I gave it some thought. There were a lot of things that I wanted to say to Aric. I wanted to say to him a lot of things that I hadn’t really talked about to any other person. Of course I didn’t want to reveal everything, like the facility, but I everything else, I wanted to. I felt like I could trust him. At least I hoped I could. “Can you not tell anyone what I’m going to tell you?” I asked.

Word of honor.

I took a deep breath, looking off at the other bank of the river. “It’s not a very long story, really. I just woke up in a forest. And I couldn’t remember anything. I was just there. I could remember what things were, like trees and sheep and houses, but it was like… I was empty. I had no memories.” I curled up into a ball, wrapping my arms around my knees. “I was scared,” I whispered.

“But then I found a town. And someone was nice enough to talk to me and let me stay with him. He was my first form of memorable human contact. And it was the good kind too. Chaz…he…he was so nice to me. He didn’t have to be at all, but he was,” I said, remembering his red hued face and round body. “Even though I only knew him for a short while, he treated me like family. But I couldn’t stay. I needed to know who I was, who I am. And I felt… I heard about the Other Worlde, and I felt that it was here where I could find my answers. And I don’t know why. But I believed I could. And so I came.”

Did you find your answers?

I shook my head. “No, not at all. Actually, I think I might have gotten even more questions about myself than answers. Apparently though, my answers will come soon. At least…that’s what I hope. “

I’m sure you’ll find your answers, Aric scribbled. And even if you don’t, that’s okay too. The past doesn’t always have to matter, or define who you are.

“Thanks,” I said gratefully. “I’ve come to realize that but still…”

You want those answers anyway, right?

“…Yeah.”

Aric sighed, but still smiled to himself while scratching away at the paper again. Well I hope you find what you’re looking for. If you ever need anything, anything at all, you know you can talk to me, you hear?

There it was again. Another warm feeling at this simple statement. “I’ll remember that.”

We should probably head back now. They’ll start to wonder why washing bowls takes so long. Aric stood up. And I don’t think saying that we had a splash fight is a satisfactory excuse.

This time, we raced back to the clearing, our clothes already drying.

Things were being loaded into many carts where horses were being tethered to bridles. Some of the carts held recognizable things like tents and trunks, while others just looked like they had a mass of wood and crates. The clearing only had a few things left in it, just some stray tents and booths that hadn’t gotten packed up yet.

There weren’t that many people in the Other Worlde, I observed, maybe only about twenty-five of them at most. I saw Nox kicking out the fire and Terence stroking one of the horses, along with Tate and Kamari. I had carried the bag of tin back to the site, and put it where Aric instructed me to: a cart filled with crates and sacks with a frame that could drape a piece of cloth acting as a temporary roof.

“Is there anything else that I can do?” I asked gently.

Aric shook his head. No, not really. But maybe you want to get some rest. We’ll be leaving the grounds soon, and we’ll need at the help we can get when we reach the next town. You can be in our cart, if you want. Terence and Tate are with me. Unless if you already have some other obligation…?

I shook my head. “No, I don’t. I be happy to sit with you all, if you don’t think I’ll be a bother.”

Oh, not at all. In fact, it might be better if you’re with us, since no one else really knows the Other Worlde as well as us. Besides the Ringmaster and Arianthe though, I suppose.

It was another opportunity to get questions answered. I shrugged. “If it’s fine with you, it’s fine with me. We should probably be headin –“

“So you’ve just been chit chatting all this time while we’ve been working! Damnit, you’re both useless,” someone swore from behind us. We both whirled around to find a girl wearing a green vest - she was from the carnival then - with her hands on her hips. Scowling. “It shouldn’t take you that long just to wash a few dishes! You’re both wet, and I can only guess what you two have been up to. We’re about to leave and I have to come down here and find you guys,” she grumbled. The girl turned her back on us and stomped back in the direction of the clearing, saying something about how “useless people shouldn’t be bothered with.”

I almost wanted to run after her and shout what was the big deal with her, but Aric pulled me back, shaking his head.

That’s Dayanara. She’s always like that, sometimes worse, but don’t let her get to you. Come on, we really should be heading back anyway.

It didn’t take that long to get back to the clearing, or maybe that was because we already knew where it was. And we were following Dayanara, but only from a distance. I could see her pale brown hair disappear through the trees before suddenly popping back out again.

Emerging from the thick bushes, the clearing was pretty much empty of tents and booths. Instead there were five carts neatly in a line. The carts had half-circle tops of tarp, and each cart had two horses pulling them. Dayanara made her way to a cart at the very end, and Aric pointed to the one in the middle. I could see Terence stroking the heads of the two horses at that cart. He looked up and ran over to us.

“Oh, good, Dayanara found you! We were worried when you didn’t come back sooner. We’re about to get going – do you want to sit with us Zion?”

Aric made a few hand motions next to me.

“Oh, okay, well great! You guys get settled in, I’ll just head over and tell the Ringmaster that we’re all ready to go now.” Terence ran off towards the front of the line.

We headed to the cart, where Aric smoothly climbed onto it. And I, of course, clumsily spent my time pushing myself up next to him. The cart was essentially a large box, but hand long flexible pieces of wood that arched from the two long sides of the cart. It supported the tarp on top of it, which would bring protection from the sun and wind. The two other ends of the cart were open though, but that was fine. Fresh air was always necessary. There was little real sitting room, since the majority of the cart was filled with folded up tents and wood boards that were the collapsible booths. Tall poles were tucked to the side, and there was only a thin strip to walk through.

Tate was already sitting in the cart, sprawled out on the stack of boards. “Hey you too! I was beginning to get worried about where you were. Dayanara kept on saying we should have just left you there in the woods,” he said, sitting up. “We only just managed to convince her to look for you, since everyone else was packing the carts.” Tate frowned. “She tends to just lounge around when we set and pack up the carnival. If anyone’s the useless one around here, it’s her,” Tate stated firmly.

This didn’t seem to amuse Aric at all in the slightest. He started his scribbling again. Don’t say that. She’s not all that bad, you know.

“And that’s just him finding nice things to say about everyone,” Tate huffed. “If she wasn’t all ‘that bad’, maybe she’d be nice to everyone for once.”

I’m sure she has a reason.

Tate snorted in contempt, but said nothing.

“What’s she do in the carnival then?” I asked.

“Besides do her flexibility act in the show? Not much,” Tate replied, still peeved. “Why the Ringmaster doesn’t say anything though makes me so mad.” Pouting, he flopped back, once again, on the wooden boards.

“Now now,” a voice floated into the cart, “it does no good to say mean things about the people we spend time and work with.” Terence popped his head inside, leaping his way into the opening of the crate and shutting the small swinging door behind him. He sat at the front at grabbed the ropes that were attached to the saddles on the horses. “You might not like the people you work with, but you should still treat them nicely, Tate.”

An angry huff came from Tate’s now curled up form. “But I don’t like her, and neither does anyone else at the carnival does either! All Kamari does is complain about her, and I don’t know how she can even stand her for so long without just wanting to hit her or something. That’s what I would do if I was her.”

“Tate! You don’t go around hitting people that you don’t like!” Terence admonished.

“But you said if they were really mean to you, you cou – “

“No, actually, Ryker said that. I remember that clearly. And you know you should never take advice from him!” Terence was now becoming a little exasperated, but to his luck, Tate had stopped with his rebuttals and just sulked by himself.

The cart made a lurch forward. “We’re going to be getting on our way now,” Terence said, snapping the ropes up to get the horses moving. It was shaky, and when we something that caused the cart to jump in the air, Terence called, “I hope you don’t have motion sickness. That wouldn’t be good. Avery has that and travelling is horrible for her…”

“I think I’ll be good,” I replied. I hoped it was true anyway, at least.  “How long is it going to be?”

Terence thought about it for a moment. “Well… it’s not too far away. If I remember right, we should be there in seven hours or so.”

“Seven hours!”

“We’ll rest for a bit around noon to eat. So it won’t feel all that long,” Terence reassured.

“You’ll be driving the cart for seven hours then though…” I said, concerned.

Aric made his first movements since we had gotten to the cart, and shook his head. He then pointed to himself.

“Oh!” I exclaimed, getting it. “You two will be switching places once we break?”

“Yup!” Terence said cheerfully. “I don’t think it would even be possible for me to keep an eye on everything for seven hours, with or without a break.”

“Do you want me to help?” I offered. I felt kind of bad. It was like I was freeloading. I hadn’t done so much as a single helpful thing for the Other Worlde, and yet, I was allowed to stay with them as they welcomed me with open arms.

“Mm…” Terence looked a little thoughtful. “I appreciate the offer,” he finally said, “but I’m not sure how well it would go down. The horses don’t know you, and you don’t exactly know how to control them. Maybe some other time.”

Don’t feel useless though, Aric wrote. It’s only your first day here and we’re traveling. Not much you can really possibly do on days like this except sleep anyway.

“Except the thing is, I just slept. I’m not really feeling like sleeping again,” I said. “Although Tate doesn’t seem to care at all.” The said boy was now already fast asleep, breathing lightly.

Terence laughed. “That’s just like him. Sleeping wherever he is whenever he can.” He shook his head. “Well, I guess since there isn’t much to do, if you have any questions, I might be able to answer them. So if anything’s been on your mind, speak!”

I actually had to think through what exactly needed to be answered. “Maybe,” I finally said, “you can tell me what’s been going on with Delenda. A baker at the town I stopped by told me a little bit, but…” It would help to get information on something that was most likely connected to me. No matter how much I hoped that wasn’t true.

“Oh. Them.” Terence’s mood darkened a little. “You…You already have a pretty general idea of what happened, right?”

“Yeah, well, sorta. I know they basically took over the government and have done absolutely nothing to help the people. And probably made things worse,” I said, trying to remember what Chaz had told me.

Terence nodded, or that could have been the bobbing from the cart. “That’s the gist of it. And while that’s not wrong, I guess I can fill you in on a few details.”

“Alright.”

“Well, Delenda’s a group that appeared years after the Great Change. There were a lot of things that were surprising about it when we heard about it, but the most pressing thought was the fact that no one had ever heard of them. They had basically appeared out of the blue, with some goal they claimed to be to help the government run and pick of the pieces of the Great Change. Which was already fishy enough – “

“Wait,” I said. “Before you go on, could you tell me what the Great Change was? I’m heard about it, but not a lot. Think you could tell me before you go on?”

“Oh, well. The Great Change. It was a different time back then. We lived in divisions called Sectors, which were large chunks of land that were controlled by various people in the government. Even then, they didn’t do much. It was really up to us to take care and make sure nothing went terribly wrong in each Sector. Although if anyone got killed or anything, I’m sure the government could have cared less.” Terence’s voice was becoming darker and more bitter as he talked. The light hearted and happy attitude I was under the impression that he constantly had was fading. “It was just one less person they had to deal with.

“Things weren’t as different as they are now though. Except we still had the technology. I can still remember having electricity and warm water,” Terence sighed sadly. “We don’t have any of that anymore, because of the Great Change. It might be weird if I say this, but the Change was the overrun of demons in this world.

“De…mons?”

“Stuff from hell. Actually, no one really knows where they came from. If you asked any of them, that’s what they told you anyway – but that’s not too important. Apparently there were always these demon things around, but they were so few that it wasn’t much of a big deal. Demon hunters dealt with those on their own time, so most of the world was ignorant of them. Until they started showing up in masses.

“We didn’t really know what they were either, but they caused so much terror and death, that I supposed it was appropriate to call then that.” Terence paused, and there was only the hushed clopping from the horses before he started again. “Some of them were powerful enough that they just wandered the streets like normal people. Other ones possessed people’s bodies and go on killing rampages. Those were the worst. Because when you had your neighbor or best friend being possessed by a demon…” Terence’s voice faded. It cracked when he started speaking again. “There was no way to get the demon out from a person’s body. And so all we could do…was kill them.

“If it wasn’t demon possession or being killed by one, you died another way. You died from the demon prion. Only a few demons were capable of transmitting it in the first place, but if they transferred their blood into yours, you had it, it was easy to spread it someone else. All you had to do was pass on blood and flesh. It ate away at your mind, driving you slowly insane before you either killed yourself or died from a seizure that could last for a few seconds to a whole hour. It was a blessing to have a quick death…”

There was movement from Aric to my side. He was shifting uncomfortably, shaking his head and burying it in his hands. Terence turned around for a second, and his face softened. “I’m sorry for bringing it up. I won’t talk about it anymore.” He turned back so his eyes were back on the road. Aric was still, breathing heavily.

“But…eventually, and, I don’t really even know the details of how exactly this was done – I wasn’t really a demon hunter in the first place – they were able to find the root of the problem and stop the demons from coming through. But by then, almost two years had gone by, and so much had been destroyed. So many lives had been taken.” He sat in silence for a bit. “It was already too late,” Terence whispered, and I could only just barely make out the words from the loud noises that were made from the cart wheeling its way along an uneven dirt path.

“Thousands of people were dead, cities were destroyed, and everything was just a mess. But who was left… We worked hard to build things back up again. We had a ‘government’, but they didn’t really do anything. They didn’t do anything during the Great Change either. To us, they mean nothing. We could’ve just risen up against them and officially kicked them out of power, but they did so little at the time that it was just pointless to even do it while we still had so many things left to take care of. We can’t do that anymore though.”

“Delenda,” I whispered.

“…Yeah. When they came, they really helped organize things together. Shelters, food supply locations, roads, they did all that. And for a while we were actually really grateful for them, even if they were a little suspicious. But then…they changed too. They stopped helping out. They started building their own huge buildings in forests and they were really quiet for a few months. Then people started going missing. Stuff was found in rivers and lakes, and when we tried tracing the source, we found that it led to all sorts of huge buildings. We have no idea what the heck they were doing in there, but we wanted them to stop. Our water was being too dirty to drink, the plants were dying, people were disappearing, and they were shut up doing who knew what.” Terence was once again bitter. I was starting to really regret asking about it all. No one really wanted to talk about it and if they did, it just brought up bad, uncomfortable memories for them.

“We tried to push them out. People organized huge mobs to break in and destroy them. But they all went missing too. You see, the thing about Delenda is that they haven’t done anything indirectly bad. But we all know that it’s because of them. It’s why patches of dead plants are around and why some water is undrinkable and why we haven’t advanced at all. Right now we’re about a bit of a standstill in technology. But they, Delenda, have things from before the Great Change. I’ve seen them. Moving vehicles without horses that have driven around at night. Bright lights from their buildings. They have stuff that we need. But they’re never going to give it to us.” Terence stopped talking then, and once again, we all sat in the cart in silence.

“That’s really it,” Terence finally said. “In a nutshell anyway.”

I nodded, even though he couldn’t see it. “Thanks… And I’m sorry.”

There were two deep breaths in the cart.

“Yeah. Why… why don’t you two try to get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when we stop for lunch,” Terence said quietly.

I leaned against a wooden crate, and closed my eyes. So much information… So many uncomfortable thoughts and so many horrible images. I could now understand why Chaz had been so curt about his explanation of the Great Change. I could only imagine what it was like for him, for Terence, for Aric, for everyone who had lived through it. I wanted to just forget what I had heard. But it was something that I would have had to hear anyway. I wished it just didn’t have to be so sickening.

The thought that I might have even experienced it crossed my mind. If I forgot that, then I supposed that I could thank my memory loss to some degree. I wondered what I had gone through… But I didn’t want to travel down that thought.

Despite everything, I still drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 07 – This time

  --

He wakes up curled in the corner of cold stone room. Stones again, Zion thinks, but he can’t remember where he would have been in a place with stones before. It’s a thought that doesn’t make much sense to him.

The room is gray, with perfectly shaped stone walls and floor. There’s nothing else inside the room, except the open wooden door that is the exit. The pale yellow-white light that streams through the door of the small room is the only other source of color. Zion stretches himself out of his position on the floor, and walks silently to the door. He peers around the edge. It’s a long corridor (Another one? He thinks, but once again, he can’t remember why he thinks “another”), still made out of stones, but every so often it’s broken by pillars that make arches. Black shadows are at the two ends, but he can see that they’re not continuous, but have turns. The yellow light comes from barred openings in the ceiling, but he can’t see anything when he looks under them, and nor can he climb up and see if there is anything.

Zion picks a direction that happens to be left, and follows it. The hallway doesn’t really change, except for the wooden doors on the side, but when he tries to open them, they don’t budge at all. When he comes to a place where he can go in two different directions, he simply picks one at random. He doesn’t know where he’s going, or if it matters at all, but that doesn’t concern him. It’s just another dream anyway, and nothing’s going to hurt him. (Or will anything? Zion doesn’t really remember his dreams, so he’s not too sure about this.)

He must be going in the right direction though, since eventually he comes to a large open chamber.

Or not.

The chamber is circular and has arched openings all around its edges, much like the one he just came from. A tiny hole of light from the high ceiling is where all the light comes from. There’s a hexagonal-shaped space lowered beneath where he’s standing, with stairs that lead down to it. A strip of stones runs around the stairs, which was right where he was standing. Pillars stand on each point of the hexagon-orientated stairs. Zion walks to the lowered space and stands in the middle, making a 360-degree turn, taking everything in. But there wasn’t much to see, he thought, until he stopped abruptly at the wall he had started at.

On the gray stones is a dripping picture of a white rose.

It wasn’t there before. This is what he’s sure of. He can feel his heartbeat rise a bit as he walks over towards it. Zion thinks that it’s crazy that he’s doing it, but it’s a dream, so nothing can really hurt him, could it? It was his dream after all. It wouldn’t be that hard to simply change it if he wanted to.

So he walks up to the white rose painted on the wall. It’s simple, with perfect lines, but the paint drips down in some places. Zion brings his finger to it and swipes it quickly over the rose to see if any comes off. None does. But the paint still drips.

He wonders how it got there, and then he laughs quietly to himself, because then it occurs to him that it’s his dream so somehow his mind came up with the idea of a white rose. And with that thought, he turns around, ready to continue his way through one of the halls when he stops again.

There are black wings now painted directly across from where he’s standing.

That hadn’t been there before either.

Looking behind him and seeing the white rose, he walks away and goes to the wings. They’re the same, simple, but painted black with its paint dripping. He thinks that his mind is so weird, putting things in places where they hadn’t been before, when he turns around again.

The white rose is still there, and he’s relieved it hadn’t changed to anything, but then he turns his head to the side. A simple gray top hat is painted on the wall. In dripping paint. When Zion looks closer at it, there’s something on the side of the hat that looks like a flower, but has sharp, pointed petals. It looked almost menacing. ­He reaches out to touch it, and upon feeling the cold stones, he jerks it back with a yelp, cradling his hand. It hurts. Blood runs through his fingers. And there’s now blood on the painted flower.

Zion backs away from it, darting his eyes everywhere until he notices another drawing on the walls. It’s not much of a drawing, really, but a red sideways crescent shape. But he doesn’t like it. So he runs out through the nearest arch. He runs, looking behind him and seeing the light of the horrible room fade out behind him. He almost sighs in relief until he finds himself in the room again. And the paintings are still there.

He darts into the next arch and runs again, only to find himself in the same place. His breaths are rising and so is his heart rate, and suddenly he just wants to get out, out of the forsaken place, and he wishes that he can as he races blindly into another hallway. If he wishes hard enough, he hopes that he can make his way out. But Zion ends up in the painted room again.

He’s panicking. It’s the last thing that he should do in a situation like this, and he knows it, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t like this dream anymore and just wants out. Running blindly, Zion runs through random halls, over and over again but even through his blurred state of mind, he knows that he’s running into the same room. Finally, he stops himself, letting out a chocked sob in realization that there really was no way out. He slowly curls himself into a ball on the floor, just wishing over and over again that he’ll get out.

When he looks up, he’s in a small square stone room. Zion bangs his hands against the walls, but they’re solid, of course. He’s trapped in a small space and wants out yet again. He didn’t mean this when he wanted out of that horrible room, and it might have even been worse.

A small white bud pokes out between the stones. And it blooms. It blooms into a white rose, a white rose that reminds him of the one on the wall.

He gets himself as far away as he can from it, which is only a few inches away against the wall. And a white bud appears right next to him. He jumps away just as it begins to open, but more and more white roses start appearing. Growing and growing, faster and faster until they surround him completely and he’s even more trapped than ever and he doesn’t even want to touch them but when he does it hurts it hurts so bad and the pain is everywhere and it hurts just so badly that he starts to cry he tries to stop the tears but it’s not working and he just wants to get out of this horrible dream he tries and he tries but he just can’t and –

Everything goes black.

--

Someone’s shaking me.

“Hey…hey…Zion! Wake up!”

I open my eyes with a gasp. My hands fly everywhere, trying to escape from the white roses, but steady hands bring them to my sides. It takes me a few moments to realize that I’m not dreaming anymore. I’m actually out. I’m in the real world now. The dream is finally over.

I’m sitting against some trunks in the cart, and I can feel cold sweat running down my face. Terence looks at me with his large hazel eyes, worried. “You okay? You were twitching and, uh, kinda whimpering in your sleep.”

Oh man, I was pathetic. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. Just…a bad dream.”

Terence moves back and nods, understanding. He immediately breaks out into a smile. “Good, at least it wasn’t anything more than that. And, don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about this. I don’t think they need to know about you whimpering, hm?”

I cover my face with my hands. “No, please don’t,” I laugh. “Where are we anyway?”

“We’ve stopped for lunch. Tate and Aric are already out, but you seemed to be sleeping pretty deeply, so we thought it was best if you slept a little more. I just came back to wake you up since you do need to eat,” Terence bounced, standing up and making his way out of the cart. “Don’t worry about your dream so much. A dream is just a dream.”

I slowly stand, and I realize that I’m still settling down from my dream. And it’s vivid. I can remember it so clearly that it might as well just happened to me. I shiver a bit. It was so real. Were dreams supposed to be that way? Vivid and clear? If that was how they were, then I didn’t really want to dream. Ever. When I closed my eyes, I could see the pale white roses and dripping paintings. “Yeah,” I said softly, climbing out of the cart. “Just a dream.”

But I guess it was really more for me than anyone else, because Terence was already running towards those from the carnival sitting underneath the trees. Those words didn’t make me feel better, or convince me at all in the slightest. But I tried shaking it out of my mind, and going moving forward to the trees.

Terence was already seated with Aric and Tate. Xio was off to the side a little bit, close enough to be part of the group, but not as close as the rest of them. I glanced around the area, and saw that Jade and Arianthe were sitting together next to a fire that boiled a pot. Lyris and Nox were sitting with a whole group of others that I didn’t recognize. There was another group where I didn’t recognize anyone at all, save for Kamari. And Dayanara was sitting off by herself.

A plate was shoved into my hands. “Wha- Oh.” I looked down. There were a few boiled vegetables, a chunk of bread, and dried meat. “Thanks,” I mumbled, poking around with the green vegetable. Everyone else had seemed to finish eating, so it was a little awkward to be doing so in front of everyone.

“How was your sleep?” Tate asked teasingly. “Off in lands of sugar and pink?”

“Uh… Don’t really remember,” I lied, spooning a mouthful of vegetables. I hope that Terence would keep his promise. And thankfully, he did.

It was more or less much of a one-sided group conversation, where Terence, Tate and Aric went on to talk about some event that I had no idea of. Well, Terence was doing more of the talking while waving his hands around, Tate occasionally making a comment while laughing at Terence’s antics, and Aric just making motions with his hands and smiling every so often.

I felt like I should have at least tried to talk and be part of the conversation, but the thing was, the way that it was going, it seemed like it wouldn’t have been possible. Maybe I could have tried to talk to Xio, but I had no idea how to even begin to talk to her. She was so quiet and silent that I didn’t even know how much she hated my guts. Maybe she didn’t talk to me because, like Nox, she thought I was “suspicious” and hated me for being around. Or maybe she was really just that shy, and if that was the case, then I probably should have tried to make an effort… Ah, there came the onslaught of “maybes” and “probablys” again.

So I made the act of eating suddenly seem ten times more interesting than it really was. Because that’s what you do in situations like this.

Uh, no, not really.

…Nice to see that you’ve decided to swing back around.

I’m always around. Sometimes I just don’t show up, that’s all.

And once again, you make no sense.

Well I try.

Thinking about telling me some answers now?

Hm, no not really.

…Here to make fun of me for my lack of a conversation?

That wasn’t my intention, but it’s an idea.

Then what?

I actually wanted to talk to you about that dream you just had.

You know about that?

Of course I do. I am inside your head after all. I saw the whole thing.

Why didn’t you do anything then! I would have appreciated it. Maybe I could continue to tolerate your annoying riddles.

You already do a fantastic job of doing that though. But the reason I wasn’t able to do anything is because I was only watching. I wasn’t in your dream. There’s a difference between the two things.

…Fine then. So what of it? Going to make fun of me or something?

No. Could you please stop being so snappy at me? I’m only trying to help you.

Give me a reason to believe that and maybe I’ll consider it.

…That would require me to give you your answers. And I can’t do that. You’re just going to have to trust me on this. Please, just hear me out for a second.

…Fine.

Your dream. Doesn’t it trigger anything? Remind you of anything? Anything at all?

I thought about it for a bit while listening to Terence and Tate’s laugh. No, not really…

What about the white rose?

The white rose? I thought about this. What did I know about white roses? Not much that was already obvious. They were flowers. They were white. And I’d never seen them before until the dre – No. Wait.

Exactly.

I had seen them at the exit of the facility. Or maybe I hadn’t. I thought I saw one, but I wasn’t sure. A small white dot against red that I was sure wasn’t there before… I had managed to forget most of what I had woken up to at the facility, but now all of it was coming back. And I didn’t like it. I tried to keep my expression neutral, and I guess it must have been working, since no one had been paying any attention to me.

But what’s so important about them?

…Actually, I’m not sure. I thought the connection was interesting, so I thought maybe you could make the connection or something.

I thought you had all the answers!

I wish. If I did, things would have been much easier for me and you. There was a sigh. I’ve already used up a bit of energy just talking to you. I’ve gotta rest now.

I decided that a goodbye wasn’t even worth it.

Tate poked my cheek, jerking me out of my one-sided conversation with my voice. “You okay?”

“Uh. Yeah, sure, of course I am why?”

He poked my cheek again. “You’re making all these weird faces.”

I was? I cursed my stupid voice for talking to me and making me seem like a weirdo. “Oh, my face is just a little sore from sleeping.” I twitched my face just to emphasize that point.

“Oh, okay. You done with your plate?”

I stared down at the empty tin plate. I guessed that I had somehow finished it while talking to my annoying voice. “Yeah.”

“I’ll take it then, Renita’s on plate duty this time.” Tate stood up and pulled on my hand. “Come on, we’re going to go and explore the forest! You’ve been sleeping for so long, so you should come and play with us!”

I pushed myself up. Getting my mind of the things that were now plaguing my mind was what I needed right now, and playing around in the forest sounded like a good option. No matter how childish it sounded.

I didn’t really know how much I needed that break at the time.

--

Jade leaned back against the tree, tipping her top hat down to block out the sun. “What do you think about him, Arianthe?” she said softly. No words had to be exchanged about who the person was.

“It does not matter what I think of him,” Arianthe’s voice drifted down from the branch over Jade’s head. The blue-haired girl kicked her feet back and forth in the air, leaning forwards and backwards to the swing of her kicks. “You are, after all, the Ringmaster. I am simply the mock fortune teller of the whole show. Your opinions and actions are what matters.”

There was a low chuckle at this from the Ringmaster. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. You never did like to intervene, so I suppose that it was stupid of me to even consider the idea that you’d give your thoughts on this.” A stressed sigh escaped her lips. “But I really don’t know how to handle this one Arianthe. All the other ones haven’t been like this at all. It’s a completely new case. And I don’t know what to do. You’ve been around longer than I have. I was hoping that maybe you could give me at least one kernel of advice.”

Silence pressed upon the two. They could hear the laughs of Terence and Tate and the hushed conversations of the other smaller groups that had formed. As close as the people were in the Other Worlde, they still divided themselves up into their own little groups. All bonded together by similar backgrounds, a common goal, a single wish, they still drifted off and separated themselves.

Finally Arianthe spoke. “I cannot,” she said with a kind of finality. “You know why this is, no matter how much I wish I could. You know as much as I do about this, and you have the experience. As for me, I have knowledge, but no experience. You are more suited to handle this than I am, and you know this as well. Why are you wasting your time asking such a foolish request from me?”

Jade shifted from underneath her cloak. “I know,” she smiled underneath the shadow of her hat, “but I still hoped anyway. I’m just worried how it’s all going to play out. Before… The first time… We failed. We only managed to delay the inevitable. And we only managed to push it back the second time. I just feel that now, with the final third round coming up… I don’t know if we’ll be able to make it another time. And especially now, when he knows so little, and he has to do so much.” She folded her arms, shifting her weight. “I fear for the end. We have to play by its rules now. We don’t even know what the game is, or what the rules are. All we can do is protect him. But even I don’t know how much it will help, or once again just delay the inevitable.” She buried her hands in her face, sighing once again in exasperation.

Arianthe didn’t say anything. “Excuse me for interrupting, but we have some listeners among us. Nox, you can come out of that bush now,” she said a little loudly, not looking down at all. “I know you are there, so do not even try to pretend that you are not there.”

There was another pause before a nearby bush began to rustle. And out came the fire dancer, scowling at the blue-haired fortune teller. “How’d you know I was there?”

He only got a shrug in reply.

“How much did you hear?” Jade’s shaking voice said. “Don’t lie, I’ll know.”

“Enough,” Nox replied curtly. “What’s the big deal about him? He’s the one that’s supposed to end it all? Are you sure you’re not mistaking it for someone else?” he demanded.

“Yes, I am sure. I know so.” Jade curled up a bit more against the tree, bringing her hands to her temples. She could feel a rising headache coming on. “I know things that you don’t. Stop being suspicious of everyone, Nox.  Not everyone has bad intentions.”

Eyes narrowed. “But sometimes people don’t know what their intentions are. And they can change in a split of a second.”

“For the better or worse,” Arianthe countered. “You don’t know yet about which he will be. Do not make assumptions based on your biases. Besides, he has the right guide to steer him in the right direction.”

Nox shook his head angrily. “I can’t believe you can honestly trust him. Haven’t we learned nothing?”

“But we can trust him.” The Ringmaster could have tried to be more insisting about this, but she just wanted to get Nox out of her sight. “Whether you believe it or not, I run the Other Worlde. So until I find any reason to suspect him of anything, he is under my protection.”

There was a discontent grumble, but Nox didn’t say anything else, just stomping away without another comment.

When he was out of earshot, Jade whispered to herself, “Not that my protection will mean very much.”

Arianthe leaped down from the tree branch, silently landing on her two feet. “Of course it matters, Jade. He will most definitely be safer in comparison to when he’s out in the world in who knows where. And it is important that he taps into his dreams and his conscious.”

“Still,” Jade insisted, “I can’t protect him from everything that he should be. Like his dreams. There’s only so much that I can do about them. I worry for what will happen where I can’t interfere in those dreams.”

“You cannot blame everything on yourself,” Arianthe said, sitting down next to Jade. “You have done your best in spite of it all. Even He couldn’t have done a better job than you have. And that’s all we can ask from you now.”

Jade shook her head. “No, it’s not.”

“Do not even consider it!” Arianthe said sharply.

“…But if we can’t do it this time… We might have to. It’s only a last resort option, but still. The saying does go, ‘Desperate times call for desperate measures’. If it does turn out to be a desperate measure, I will not hesitate to resort to it. It will be our only hope.”

Heavy silence again.

“I hope it doesn’t ever come to it.”

“…Me too.”

--

We ran back to the carts, laughing and shouting as we ended our game of tag. It was incredibly fun to play in the woods, where there were so many places to hide and swerve around to get away. Of course it was equally difficult to run away, but I found that I was good at catching and running away. I was almost sad when we had to leave. My face hurt from grinning so much, and my lungs burned, but that didn’t matter. I had fun. Fun with the people who I knew, fun with the people who I was barely acquainted with. I had never felt so wild and carefree. Well, maybe I had, but it’s not like I could remember. But it felt like few memories could have possibly compared to the moments of bliss as the wind blew on my face, darting through trees and past bushes. Running as fast as the wind itself.

But we were now stuck on the last leg of our long journey to the next town. Aric was now directing the horses, while Terence took his break. He explained to me that Aric, unlike he, didn’t have to speak to direct the horses to where he wanted them to go. They seemed to have some kind of sixth sense that allowed them to communicate and notice Aric’s slight change in the hold of the ropes, whether they got tighter, looser, taut on one end but slack on the other. There was some kind of code and method to it apparently, but it was really only something that Aric could do. While we needed words to understand him, the animals didn’t. They seemed to understand his silent language, his reserved quality, and turn it into something that only they could understand. According to Aric, he didn’t mind being mute all that much. It allowed him to really slow down and take a step back and understand a lot of things that we couldn’t. He silently laughed at us while signing this.

It was another long trip, and Tate dozed off once again. Terence had too, effectively cutting off all other voices in the cart. I sat in the back, peeking out of the opening. I could see the cart behind us and their horses. I didn’t know who was directing it, but she gave me a friendly smile, before keeping her eyes firmly on the road.

So I was left to myself and the silence of the wind. And how I dreaded it. The more I was left alone to my thoughts, the more I could feel my sanity draining. All I could think of were the dreams, the facility, the voice, the white rose, the laugh… And I hated it. I hated thinking about these things, but it was so difficult not to. I tried shutting them out, and it would work, for a while. But then it would all just come back again, like a bad memory, laughing and taunting me. It was something that I couldn’t forget, something that I couldn’t forget no matter how hard I tried. I could feel it slowly killing me.

I would only forget when I was distracted. I was distracted when running through the forest and when I was splashing water with Aric. Being distracted was the best feeling in the world. It was the one and only moment where I could forget everything for a little while. They were my moments of bliss, my moments of pure happiness that I couldn’t describe. But when it was over, it was just another pleasant trip through my mind, another journey to the bad dreams and thoughts that I just wanted to rip up into tiny pieces. Tiny pieces that I could fling into the air, and blow away, far, far away, where I would never find them.

But of course that was impossible.

I was so tempted to sleep. I was so tempted to just drift off and close my eyes. But I couldn’t. Just the idea of what I would meet on the other end of my dreams terrified me enough. The idea of seeing anymore, experiencing anything worse, made me recoil inside. The dreams were so real, and so clear. Were dreams always like that? I hadn’t experienced anything like it before I came to the Other Worlde. But now that I was here, they were so vivid. What was it about this place that made it so strange? Even Jade said that they were stronger here. Something wasn’t right about this place. And I knew it.

And yet I wasn’t going to do anything about it. I couldn’t leave. These dreams – they were important, somehow, I mused, watching the green trees pass by. Some leaves were already turning red and yellow, peeking out beneath the green. It was a sign of fall, I knew. But I felt a kind of detachment to that thought. The idea of it didn’t entertain me or satisfy me in the slightest. In a way, it was almost horrifying to think of, and how it meant the imminent death of everything around me. The air was getting colder, and I was thankful for the cloth covering over the cart.

Why the dreams were important though, I could hardly even begin to understand for myself. In fact, they made me want to run, run far away where maybe they wouldn’t find me. But dreams weren’t something that I could hide from. They were something that I knew would follow me forever. There was something about the dreams though, that didn’t seem normal. They weren’t something that I would have come up on my own, for that matter. When I thought about them, it was almost like I was experiencing some kind of detachment from them. I was only a viewer of the dream, never the controller. If they were my dreams, shouldn’t it have been the other way around? I didn’t know. I didn’t understand. And how I wanted to understand.

There were so many things that I had to understand. That I wanted to understand. The more time I spent trying to do though, the further I felt I was getting. The dreams held answers, the voice had answers, and so did the carnival. But they would give me none.

The dreams surely held something important in them, but I only had to dig around hard enough to find it. But I was afraid. Afraid of what I would find in them. I got shivers just thinking about my last one. I never wanted to experience anything like that ever again. The sense of being trapped, the feeling of being utterly and entirely alone, the amount of helplessness I was to my own situation… I hated to think that my own mind had come up with something so twisted.

The only “dreams” that I appreciated were the ones with the shadow. No matter how much talking to him frustrated me, somehow, they were comforting. They were saner too, than the other ones that I had. If I had to dream, I would have rather dreamed forever about the checkerboard world and the shadow forever.

And so I succumbed to the warmth of sleep, once again.

--

Back again?

I turned around. The shadow was there again, sitting on the same rock by the sea that it had before. But the landscape had changed once again. It was still checkerboarded, but the sea was gone. Instead, we were by a cliff that overlooked a swooping valley beneath us. It was enormous in size, and stretched far off before it swept back up, forming a dense bowl of black and white.

Not like I had much of an option, I grumbled. Whenever I close my eyes, I’m either here, or in some kind of dream that I don’t want to be in.

…Sit. The shadow shifted over on its position on the rock, leaving half of the flat stone open. I begrudgingly sat down. 

So what do you want now? Are you going to say about how sorry you are that you couldn’t do anything about that nightmare? Well, save your excuses. I don’t want to hear them.

Fine then. I was going to say that there was a way that I could possibly help with that problem –

I immediately snapped my head to attention. Tell me.

So now you’re interested.

Just tell me.

Well, I’m not sure if it will work. It was only an idea that I had. But for it to work, you’re going to have to trust me. And you’re going to have to allow me to connect with you.

What? No way. I’d never do that, I spat bitterly.

Just listen to me for a second. The thing is, I’m connected to you, but only on a superficial level that allows me to communicate with you. But I don’t know your personal thoughts and feelings, so it’s difficult for me to talk to you outside of a “dream” like this. Also, I can only observe your dreams, but never come into them. I can’t even talk to you in them. But to do it… I think you have to let me in.

….What?

You have to trust in me. In letting me in and connecting with you, I’ll be able to talk to you whenever without any obstacles. I’ll be able to help you. But I’ll know your thoughts all the time. And you’re probably not going to like it –

Damn straight I am. Forget I even asked. I don’t want you around in my brain any more than I want you to.

The voice sighed. I knew you might object to it. It was just a suggestion though. It’s an open option that I’m leaving for you. If you don’t want to take it, that’s fine.

Don’t worry, I won’t. I thought angrily, I didn’t want anything intruding on my mind. Especially something that I didn’t know if I could even trust at all.

Come up with an answer to that riddle yet?

Oh. The riddle. I had almost completely forgot about it. No.

There was a silent sigh. The answer is right in front of you. Except you don’t know what it is yet. Keep thinking about it. And don’t forget about my offer.

Wait –

If you need me, call for me. I may not be able to help, but I’ll answer. See you.

  Chapter 08 – I’ll be gone for real

If there was one thing that was interesting about Xiomara, it was her natural ability to blend. It wasn’t even like she even tried to hide from people, but their eyes just tended to slide over her. She wasn’t important in the eyes of strangers, but that suited her just fine. She didn’t need to be noticed to feel happy, in fact, it made her happier.

She was just so naturally quiet that sometimes, even people that knew her well didn’t notice her. It wasn’t like she tried to be sneaky, rather, it was her natural tendency to be unnoticed around crowds. Her silence could be attributed to shyness, and maybe that was the case – that she was just shy – but that didn’t always seem to be the case either. Strangely enough, she was comfortable around children. They loved her and her quiet politeness that was so warm and nurturing, and she loved her innocence. It was just those that were older than her teenage self that made her quiet.

So when she heard that a new teenage boy was coming to the carnival, she immediately fell silent. Kamari had assured her that everything would be fine, and that the Ringmaster had offered to let him stay at the Other Worlde, so surely there was some kind of connection that he had with her that made him trustworthy. But she never made assumptions and only trusted her own judgment. In the morning at breakfast, Xio had silently observed him.

Zion had looked like any other normal person to her. Aside from his dark hair that lightened out at the tips (but that wasn’t too unusual. Arianthe had bright neon blue hair.), his eyes were a shockingly bright hue of blue – an intense brightness that she had only known in one other person. His face was pale, not unnaturally so, she thought. His small and skinny frame wasn’t too unusual either. But these weren’t the qualities that made her suspicious of him. No, it was something else. Her intuition told her that there was something off about Zion. And she knew to always trust her intuition.

That was only her first impression of him though. So her thoughts about him weren’t definite. She brewed these thoughts in her mind as Kamari chatted about how nice and polite Zion was to the other girls in their cart. Whenever she looked over to Xio for confirmation, Xiomara would only nod halfheartedly, not really believing it. She didn’t say anything to counter what Kamari was saying though.

And so came lunch. Zion was quiet, just like she was, but it was a kind of unnatural silence from him. It wasn’t like hers’, that just manifested itself naturally. He was brooding over something, and that Xiomara could tell. There was sometimes a twitch of the mouth, one of eyebrow, a frown that would deepen, a smile that would creep up. It was obvious that he was thinking about something, but the constant change in his expressions was almost disturbing.

While the majority of the carnival left to run in the woods, Xiomara didn’t follow them, but went off to climb a few trees. She was quick and nimble on her feet, so climbing trees was almost second nature to her. She made her way from tree to tree, until she accidentally came across Jade and Arianthe. She was hidden in a tree behind Arianthe, but could still hear what they were saying.

Xiomara didn’t understand single thing of what they were saying, but it was obvious who they were talking about. None of it made sense though. And then Arianthe.

Excuse me for interrupting, but we have some listeners among us.

She nearly fell from her place on the tree. But she didn’t, and stopped herself, barely making a sound. Arianthe singled out Nox, and he crawled out from behind a bush. Xio didn’t even know that he was there. But Arianthe never singled her out, even though she got the feeling that Arianthe knew she was there.

When Nox left, and their conversation grew silent, Xiomara silently slipped away into the leaves. There was so much that she had heard, but none of it clicked. Yes, she knew that there was something more to the seemingly normal Ringmaster and fortune teller, but it was never a large concern of hers. Now that she was sitting alone, she thought about what she had heard. What was it about Zion that was so different? Needed protection? What had happened in the past?

Still, it wasn’t her place to judge these things. Xio was just grateful that she could be accepted into some place. It wasn’t really much, but it was all she needed, and all she would ever really ask for. It wasn’t her business, so she wouldn’t intrude into places that she wasn’t supposed to know about. Weirdly enough, a part of her life was devoted to hearing the secrets of others. It was a useful skill that the carnival had utilized for years, but Xiomara never cared much about what she heard. Sure, she would silently judge the people and analyze them as she learned things from their actions and conversations, but it would never make a lasting impact on the way she treated other people. There was a kind of detachment to her actions and her thoughts that made her perfect for her job.

Always subjective, never letting her thoughts influence and cloud the facts. Fact and opinion were two very different things. She made it a point to make a difference between the two.

Before the carnival had left to go on their way to the next town, Jade had stopped her, grasping the skinny shoulder of Xiomara. “I know you were there.”

Xiomara said nothing.

“Are you going to say anything?”

She shook her head. “It’s not my business.”

The Ringmaster nodded, taking her hand away. “Good,” Jade said, but as she was leaving, Xio was sure that she had said: “Although, you might find yourself more involved in this than you think you will be…”

But it had to be just her mind playing tricks on her, she thought as the climbed into the cart. She headed to her usual spot in the way back of the cart where she could see Aric adjusting himself and his position to guide the horses.

None of what was going on concerned her at all, she convinced herself. It wasn’t her business, it wasn’t her job, it wasn’t her problem. All she had to do was busy herself in doing what she had been assigned. Nothing more, nothing less.

At least, that was what she hoped would be the case.

--

We had reached the next site of the carnival before sunset. Everywhere around me, green vests were carrying things back and forth from the carts and setting them up. I had been placed with the job of compiling a list of what everyone needed from the village so I could go out and buy them. I didn’t mind this at all, because it wasn’t like I really knew what I was supposed to do if I was in charge of a tent. I didn’t even know the first thing about setting one up, and I had joked that I would probably get eaten up by the tent before I even got near it. And then the tent would magically set itself up, and no one would be any the wiser. Except for the missing person, but that was trivial, I laughed.

I was supposed to find Xiomara to with into town. Which I was also glad for, since I didn’t really know how I was supposed to act even there, or really how to buy or negotiate. It was generally Xiomara’s job anyway, and I didn’t want to butt into any kind of routine that they already had. My list was filled with a few things that I had caught from people that I had passed by. Tate said that he needed something softer to stuff a few of his balls with, and Aric had only requested more paper and graphite sticks. And if there were any medical supplies that I could get with whatever remained of the budget of a hundred drachmas.

Some people that I passed by asked for other things like candles and matches, maybe a small bolt of cloth, a new bag, string, ribbons… The list went on. When I talked to some of them, it was apparent that there was some sort of weariness among them, but it wasn’t suspicion. Just the uncertainty of meeting a new person. It was understandable, but somehow, I was getting desperate for them to just accept me. I still felt like I didn’t really fit in at the Other Worlde. How long was I supposed to stay in one place before I felt accepted? Was it usually long? Or was there just something about me that was strange and caused me to be shunned somehow?

I found Xio talking to a group of girls – or more accurately – the girls talking to Xiomara while she silently wrote down their requests on a piece of paper. When they walked away I approached her.

“Erm,” I started.

She looked up.

“Well, uh, I’m supposed to go and buy the supplies with you…”

Xiomara shrugged. “Heard something like that,” she mumbled.

“So you don’t mind if I tag along with you then?” I asked anxiously. It wasn’t like we had actually talked since we met, and this made me a bit antsy. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act around her. I couldn’t get a sense of who she was at all.

She shook her head. “Follow me,” she said quietly, heading over to the other side of the clearing. This time it was next to a stream and surrounded by trees. A path cut through the forest, which I assumed lead somewhere to a town. There were a few scattered smoke streams in the air which I could only guess came from the town that we were headed to.

We entered the forest without saying a single word. Immediately, it was like all other sounds behind us were snuffed out, and all that was left were our footfalls and the occasional crunch of a leaf. It was just pure silence. Another bad incoming experience with forests seemed likely. At least I wasn’t alone. Granted Xiomara wouldn’t have been my first choice, but company was better than no company at all. Even if that company didn’t really want me around. I didn’t know or even have the faintest idea of that Xio thought of me. Did she despise me like Nox, or welcome me like Tate? Or was there just a general mutual feeling of neutrality toward me? I couldn’t tell.

Either way, the walk was long. I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to say anything or not. If she didn’t mind me, then a conversation would have made sense, but if she found me a great annoyance… Well. then keeping my mouth shut would easily be the smarter option. But I couldn’t read her at all. So I once again pretended that the trees were the most fascinating thing I had ever seen. Which they still weren’t.

The village was a welcome since it meant that we would either both be obligated to speak, or that we weren’t really at all. It was larger than the one that I had met Chaz in (I wondered how he was, and how he was doing, hopefully the new paint on the window made him have more customers) with more houses, shops and people. When the people saw us, their eyes immediately widened with delight. Some of them rushed over to us, eagerly asking when the carnival would be performing. Xiomara quietly answered that it would start tomorrow, and that it would stay for three nights. I found myself repeating this answer to a swarm of other people.

They were comfortable around Xio, I could tell. Maybe because they had always come to the carnival and seen the girl by the duck fishing booth. But as for me, I was new, but they quickly accepted me as part of the carnival. Was it the uniform? Strange how complete strangers could readily accept me as part of a group, when I was so distant from the actual group itself.

We hurried into different shops, gathering things and crossing them off as we bought them. XIo seemed to know what she was doing and where she was going when she went up to the owners of stores and paid for the bundle of goods. I was beginning to feel like nothing more than a helper as I carried the bags. But that was okay. I supposed.

Making our way down the streets, deeper and deeper into the town, we soon crossed off the last item on our list. We still had fifteen drachmas, so looked at each other and made some kind of silent agreement that we would go and buy some things from the apothecarist. It was at the center of the town, which meant that we would have to walk a bit to get there, but just as we walked out of a sewing shop, I wanted to see something that had caught my eye earlier. But how was I going to bring it up?

“You want to go and see the ruins, don’t you?” Xiomara’s voice came out of nowhere.

“What?”

She looked at me right in the eye. “You want to go see the ruins,” she stated.

I did want to. But how…

“Then let’s go. We’ll make it a short, since we have to get back soon.” And she turned on her heel, walking down the street to the edge of the town.

How did she know? Had I done something that made it obvious that I was interested in them? I didn’t know. But it didn’t matter to me; my curiosity was greater than my rising suspicion. So I simply followed her.

On my way here, I had noticed something at the corner of my eye. It was only for a few seconds, but I knew what I saw. Fallen wrecked buildings peeked out from the sides of houses, but I wasn’t really sure what it was exactly. Ruins. Ruins from what?

Once we turned the corner of the last house on the street, I stopped, stunned. Fallen buildings stretched for what looked like forever. Jagged slabs of stone and bricks were everywhere, weird green plants grew on top of everything. Melted and curling strips of metal were leaning against the stones. Some of them were twisted and contorted into impossible shapes. There seemed to be some kind of paved road through the ruins, but it was blocked by the large rocks. I could tell that before everything became, well, ruined, it had once been a beautiful place. If I closed my eyes I could see the tall buildings that would have once been there, the roads, whatever kind of things that would have been bustling action among the city. But it was all gone now. All gone. All that was left was…this.

There was some kind of heavy air that pressed down on everything like a looming omen. It was just a presence, a feeling, nothing more. It was so empty, so quiet, so silent. The faint feeling of life still lingered there, but it was only just a whisper. It was like people still walked among the sheets of metal and broken rocks. It felt like life was still there, somewhere, even though it was a dead town. A ghost town.

Even under my feet, I could feel sharp stones that poked at my thin soles. Long black cords of rubber snaked over the crumbling buildings. Shattered glass glinted in the last bits of light. I could still see things inside the buildings. Rotting tables and cabinets that were long past any use, couches that had been stripped of their fabrics and stuffing, leaving only scraps behind. Some of the buildings still had paint on their walls, but even that was already peeling and turning into sick colors.

And somehow, in a way, it was beautiful. Beautiful in the way like there was something still there, but there wasn’t. It was sad, almost. But I felt like I could stare at it for a lifetime.

“This was what you wanted to see, right?”

I turned. Xiomara’s quiet voice shook me out of my observances. She was still looking at the ruins, her face neutral. “Are you done?”

 I shook my head. “Why…”

“Why?” Xio answered softly. “Why is the question.”

“Is it…?”

“Yeah. The Great Change… Let’s go. I don’t want to be here anymore than we have to.” She turned around, about to leave, when there was a loud rustle in the forest. We both snapped our heads in that direction, eyes wide, waiting to see what would appear.

A girl stumbled out, leaves stuck to her cloak and hair. She grumbled, kicking the bush she had randomly appeared out of in frustration. She ended up yelping in pain as a branch whipped her leg. Loud cursing came from her as she hopped back and forth on one foot.

Xiomara looked suspiciously at the girl. “Yuna…?”

The girl spun around. “Xio! Is that you?” She ran up to us, panting. “It is you! What are you doing here? And who’s this guy over here? Is he – “

“No. I’m here picking up supplies for the carnival. This is Zion, who’s new. And no, I know what you’re thinking. Just…no.” Xio said flatly.

“Oh,” the girl said. “I was hoping that maybe he was but I guess you’re still too shy, eh? Well I’m Yuna, nice to meetcha’!” She stuck her hand out, which I only hesitantly took. She shook my hand firmly, before releasing it.

“What are you doing here…in the forest then?” Xio asked.

“Um… it’s a bit embarrassing, actually,” Yuna laughed nervously.

“You got distracted by a squirrel again, didn’t you,” Xiomara deadpanned.

Yuna looked away. “N-no, I did not… Okay, fine I did. Happy?” she scowled at Xio.

“I thought as much.”

“There were two of them though! And they were running around chasing each other and it was just so cute… I had to follow them, you see?” Yuna said earnestly.

“No, I don’t get it. At all. Your obsession with squirrels is just…” Xiomara made a disgusted face. It was the most emotion I had seen from her since I met her. Granted, it was only just less than a day, but it was still weird to think that it was only now that I had seen her show some sort of emotion. Happiness, annoyance, disgust… It was all there, and here I was, just standing there watching them bicker back and forth about Yuna and squirrels (there was probably some kind of backstory to it all that I had yet to find out. But whatever). It was so different, seeing Xio like that. So yeah. It was definitely just me and my awkwardness of not knowing her at all.

“It was only one time though! And I didn’t drown that time either… Oh! Speaking of which, I have a message to deliver,” Yuna suddenly remembered. “Convenient that I found you then,” she laughed. “Or else I would have had to spend the next few weeks trying to find out where you were.”

“Or more, since you’d get distracted by the next squirrel family that you meet.”

“Squirrel family? Where?” Yuna looked around, trying to search for a squirrel family. She didn’t realize that Xiomara was just being sarcastic – another thing that she was capable of but hadn’t revealed to me at all.

“There is no squirrel family, Yuna…”

She stopped looking. Pointing an accusing finger at Xio, she pouted, “You were trying to trick me again! You’re so mean to me… I’ll just walk with Zion on my way back then.”

I was getting involved in this. I didn’t know how to feel about it at all. “Ah…”

“Oh, fine I see how it is. Well, it doesn’t matter, I need to follow you guys anyway, whether you want me to be around you or not,” Yuna said with finality.

”If you get distracted by a squirrel, we won’t wait for you.”

“…Meanie.”

--

It was another long walk back to the carnival, but maybe it was even more so since I was carrying a bunch of bags and bundles. Or maybe it was because I could barely see over my own feet as I walked. Or maybe it was because I was alone. Yuna and Xio talked, ranting on and on about things that I didn’t really know about. Well, Yuna was doing more of the talking, while Xio just made side comments every so often that would make Yuna break out in protest. And it was that which made the walk longer, and even more painful than the one before. Once again, I was there, but distant. I think that kind of loneliness is the worst.

We got back to the grounds just as the sun was slipping behind the trees. A few booths were set up, but it was the smaller tents that were important, and they were the ones that had been all put up.

“Hey!” Terence came running in our direction. “You guys are back… Who you with?” his head was tilted, a look of confusion on his face.

“Stop messing around,” Yuna huffed. “It’s obviously me, Yuna.”

“Really? ‘Cause I remember Yuna being a little shortstack… You look a little tall to be her – “

“Terence!”

He put up his hands in defense. “Okay, okay.” Terence laughed, and slung his arm around her shoulder. “Nice to see you too. What brings you here, shortstack?”

“I have a message to deliver, of course,” Yuna said, shoving the arm on her shoulder off. “I just tagged along with them.”

“Because she’d end up falling into a ditch chasing squirrels,” Xiomara mumbled.

“Would not,” Yuna muttered back.

“Uh…” I stuttered. “Sorry to interrupt, but I kinda need to put these things down,” I said, referring to the bundles in my arms. “So let’s stop arguing about squirrels so my arms don’t fall off.”

“Allow me,” Terence gracefully plucked a few bags from the top. I now didn’t have to stretch to see things around me. I thanked him, and we walked towards the circle of tents, Xio and Yuna muttering to each other about squirrels.

A fire pit was going, with a few people crowded around it. Nox was poking at the fire, and a girl whose name I only knew (Avery, that’s what it was) was stirring something in a pot. They all turned in our direction as we neared, excitement showing on their faces at seeing the packages. Terence and I dumped then all on the ground, and watched them all scour through the pile, giving quick thanks before leaving with their requested items. Only Nox still sat by the fire, still intent on the flames. Xiomara slipped away in all the commotion, I saw in the corner of my eye, as she disappeared into a tent flap.

But then Aric came out of another tent, a smile immediately coming to his face as he saw us. Or more accurately, Yuna. He immediately began signing with his hands, fast, quick movements. Yuna ran up to him, attaching her to his arm. “Yup, it’s really me! I have a message to deliver to the Ringmaster… Yeah I might be here for a bit, I think. You know where I can find her?”

The mute signaled something back in response.

Yuna nodded. “I’ll just be going off to find the Ringmaster okay? I’ll see you all later!” she called. She and Aric turned their backs on us and headed towards another path into the forest, Aric’s hands constantly twitching and Yuna speaking in hushed tones.

A hand clasped my shoulder. “We still have a bit more time until dinner, so how about we make use of it? Let’s see what you’ve got, you need a place in this carnival after all. What are you good at then?” Terence asked cheerily.

What was I good at? “I don’t really know,” I replied honestly.

“That might be a problem… but don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll find something! You got a talent in you just yet!”

Somehow, I wasn’t really sure about that.

--

Yuna nearly bounced through the forest. It was in the cool shade of the leaves where she felt the most alive, the most at home, the most at ease. She didn’t need a roof over her head as long as she was nested away in the crook of some trees. She didn’t need the protection of four walls. Trees were her fortress, and her protectors. It had always been like that, and from a young age, it had been the most familiar thing in her life.

So she happily skipped down the forest path backwards, with Aric shaking his head at her antics.

“And you wouldn’t believe how awesome [gah insert name here]’s shots have gotten! It’s been a few months since I last saw her, so she’s definitely gotten better,” Yuna chirped happily. Aric made a few more hand motions.

“Them? Well, Ryker’s the same as always. Still reeks of iron all the time, still messing around with scissors. Kin’s been a little… He’s been out of it lately, I think. He’s not saying anything, but he’s drinking more than usual.” Her steps became a little slower as she went into a walking pace next to Aric. He made a single flick of his fingers in response, and Yuna shook her head. “I… I can’t say. You’ll hear when I tell her anyway. But I don’t think that’s what’s bothering Kin.”

Another series of hand flicks.

“Yeah, it might.”

“Might what?” Jade leaps down from a tree, landing silently on the ground. “You have a message?”

Nodding, Yuna took a deep breath before closing her eyes, and speaking. “It’s from Kin. Approximately four days ago he sent this to me. It goes as follows: ‘Zale’s gone missing. Plans retrieved. Mission aborted. Arriving in five days.’”

There’s was a deep silence as the message sunk in.

“Was there anything else?” Jade finally breathed.

Yuna shook her head. “That’s all there was to it.” She paused. “Kin never sends messages unless it’s really that important. Do you think… Do you think that maybe –“

“I was expecting that this message would come,” Jade said softly. Yuna and Aric both sucked in a deep breath. “I’ll confide in you both with this, but don’t even breathe a single word about this. Zale isn’t missing. In fact, I know where he is right now. He’s with us right here in the Other Worlde.”

“Really?” the messenger yelped. “Where? Shouldn’t we – “

“No,” Jade stated firmly. “Under no circumstances are you to say anything. It’s imperative that you don’t. It’s a delicate matter right now… He’s here, but not in the sense that you’re thinking of.”

Aric’s hands moved slowly.

“Yes. It’s okay. You can trust him.”

“But how –“

“In due time,” Jade stopped Yuna. “Trust me.”

“Well, it’s not that I don’t trust you…” Yuna said slowly, “but it’s just… I don’t trust him at all.”

A light laugh came from the Ringmaster. “You share the same sentiment as Nox then.”

“Nox doesn’t trust anyone though.”

“True, but he has a reason to be suspicious. But there are things that he doesn’t know. In fact… There are things that I don’t even know,” Jade confessed. “But maybe there’s something else that Kin has that can help answer these questions. In any case…” she turned her back, reaching for a tree branch and swiftly climbing on. “What’s important is that you two don’t say anything. I know you don’t like it, but you’re just going to have to trust me on this one.”

A silent, uneasy agreement was made then. Aric and Yuna headed back to the carnival in silence, while Jade stayed behind. She made her way deeper and deeper into the forest, blindly climbing through branches and leaves without thinking at all about where she was going. Thoughts were running through her mind, and all that excitement just had to be released somehow.

Kin and Ryker would be arriving the next day. Of course most of the Other Worlde wouldn’t be bothered by that at all. In fact, they would be excited in seeing them, delighted in seeing the talents of the two being performed right before their eyes. Lyris would be worried by the news… That was a little troubling for Jade to think about. Nox would be even more suspicious of Zion than he already was.

It made her head hurt just thinking about it all. If only things could be easier. But of course that would never be the case. Everyone in the Other Worlde had some kind of reason to not to trust strangers, some with less ability to trust than others, but that wasn't really the problem. Most of them didn't know what it was all about. The elaborate ruse created for a purpose and one purpose only... And now was the time where everything would begin. All of the waiting would finally be over.

And all of hell would be let loose. All of the other attempts that she made were only temporary. The inevitable couldn't be delayed any longer.

I'm sorry, Zion.

--                                                                     

I really sucked at playing instruments. That much was obvious within a few minutes of just touching one. I couldn't play the drums or keep a good steady beat for my life, and I sucked at anything with strings, since I'd just end up fumbling with the strings and bow somehow. I didn't have much of the muscular capacity to even hold up a large brass instrument for more than fifteen minutes before I had to put it down. It was really pathetic, really. Terence was probably holding his contempt for me on the inside, reassuring me that it was okay that I was hopelessly weak physically. Or maybe he was actually kind of cool about it was obvious that my options for an instrument were slowly dwindling with each passing second. I didn't completely fail at playing the wind instruments as much as I failed at playing stringed instruments, if what Terence told me was to be believed.

Either way, it didn't really matter since it wasn't like I could have joined the Symphony right away. I ended up being set in charge of a booth with some target game. All I had to do was collect one drachma in exchange for five darts, and if one hit the center of a crude wooden target, give a small strange...thing. Apparently it was to be some kind of plush toy as a reward for "winning" the game, but the cloth was a faded color and some of the stiches were messy. I wondered who would even want something like an awkward rabbit or dog, but according to Terence, people loved the weird animals. It didn't make any sense to me, but I decided not to question it.

After spending hours hauling up the carnival grounds, an evening chill was beginning to sweep through the grounds, bringing nearby villagers to the fair. It looked just as spectacular as it had when I first saw it just a few days ago, with the tall poles ablaze with fire. (I watched Nox delicately blow flickering flames into burning fires, and it was almost surprising to see just how much care he treated the little flames with. Of course, when he caught me looking, he only glared at me darkly before sliding down the ladder.) I couldn't do a lot with my pathetic excuse for physical strength (which Nox seemed to laugh to himself in contempt in seeing me try to push together the boards of a booth) but I figured that I would do the most that I could with whatever I had. And maybe I'd get better with lifting things with time... But honestly the worst part of it all was that it seemed like that Nox took every opportunity to find some kind of fault with me and to laugh about it behind my back in hatred. And I still had no idea what I had done wrong. What had I done? I still didn't understand what I had done or said from the previous night that made him so edgy around me. I agonized over these thoughts for hours, still was actually, as I stood idly behind the booth as the carnival was preparing for its opening.

But maybe even more puzzling was Lyris. I had hardly made any kind of contact with him since breakfast, and even then, he was tense and on edge. Whenever I saw him he seemed to turn the other way, and it would have been something casual if he hadn't done it every single time.