#nalwrites

“She’s not a bad person,” Hawks repeats. “Sure. We’ll go with that. You’ve come up with a plan for stopping her yet?” 

“She—” Shuuichi clenches his jaw, like if he bites down hard enough, the pressure will force his idea to become comprehensive and articulate. “Toga Himiko was trying to talk to Uraraka and Asui. She wanted to talk. About…” He grasps for the points he tried to pull out of Uraraka’s confused report of Toga’s incoherent questions. “…consequences, or whatever. If we could just get her to come back and talk— discuss what she wants, make a deal, something we can both agree to…”

“Are we talking about reasonable requests here? Or does anything go?” Hawks asks. “If she’s asking to bathe in blood, I don’t think that’s gonna fly…” 

Shuuichi slams a hand onto the table. “I’m serious here!”  

“Hey, easy,” Hawks puts his hands up. “So am I. It’s a serious question. Let’s say we want her to surrender, we’re willing to make a concession or two. Fine, okay.” His eyes flicker to meet Shuuichi’s gaze directly. “But there’s a limit to what Heroes can allow, you know, and still call themselves Heroes.” 

Sometimes, Hawks brings up moments he had with Tokoyami, often the times when the kid tries out being mysterious or cryptically wise, but ends up being adorable (Hawks’ word). Wedging unexpected words into sentences to hint at— something; being vague to mask and enhance something totally ordinary. Kids, amirite?

When Hawks does it, Shuuichi wants to shake him. That Hawks does not use ‘we’ when he talks about Heroes and limits does not escape Shuuichi’s notice. Whether it was on purpose or not, whatever it says about how Hawks sees himself - Shuuichi can’t give a crap. He wants to tell Hawks that he doesn’t get to exclude himself from the group, whatever the reason. So he was a spy and assassin and the HSPC’s attack dog, and he did unheroic things. He’s still a Hero, ranking Number 2 in the public eye. Nagant revealed to Shuuichi that regular Heroes are only able to stand and smile because the HPSC had her lined up corpses underneath their feet. If Hawks was an essential gear that made the engine run, he’s part of the whole machine. And the machine is all too happy to get Shuuichi to kill Shigaraki as well. 

He doesn’t say it, though, because honestly, Shuuichi wishes he could do just that - stop calling himself a Hero. Lately, he has been thinking of himself as the last ditch anti-AFO plan. He’s the just vessel for One For All. He’s the guy who found Excalibur on the ground instead of properly pulling it out from the stone. 

He’s not a Hero, but he’s still a Hero. So he’s here. 

“What did Bubaigawara ask for?” Shuuichi asks instead. 

Bubaigawara Jin, who could smoke through his mask. Who protested when Hikiishi– Magne scrunched up her nose at that and asked him to go outside, but immediately dunked his cigarette into his glass of beer. Who then loudly told everyone smoking was bad, so keep those lungs healthy. Bubaigawara did everything he was told by anyone in the League, eager to prove to his new boss and co-workers that he was useful. Everything except– 

Showing Shuuichi that phone picture of the kids, even though Shigaraki had forbidden any contact or information. It was before the night of the raid, when everyone allowed themselves to be friendly because they thought Shuuichi was going to take Shigaraki’s offer and join the League, but the kindness of his help existed; was real. 

Out of everyone in the League, Shuuichi would’ve picked Bubaigawara out to be the one most easy to convince to surrender. His pre-League crimes were just a string of robberies for the means to pursue the good life. Dabi might have manipulated the footage, but Bubaigawara undeniably had tears in his eyes, desperate to run back to his comrades. He cared about people; that trait hadn’t been totally exhausted yet.  

When Hawks’ expression stays the usual blasé, but his eyes mildly take on that steady soldier gaze, Shuuichi feels a pseudo-Danger Sense spike through his mind. He was a decent guy, Hawks had said. I think he really was a good person. 

Before Hawks can say anything, Shuuichi gets his accusation out first. “You said you talked to him.”

“That’s ‘cause I did–”

“You said you gave him the chance to surrender.” Shuuichi can feel his claws piercing into the sofa leather underneath him. “You said you told him you’ll help him. You got him to trust you and you offered him an out, you were going to help him, and he said no. Then you had no choice when Dabi attacked and he ran, he was going to use his quirk, so you–” Shuuichi swallows. “You killed him.” 

“...I had to, at the time. There was no other option.” Hawks looks somber and sincere, and it might have convinced Shuuichi if Hawks would just drop that fucking look in his eyes. “But I liked Bubaigawara–.” 

“I don’t care if you liked him!” Shuuichi seethes. “You liked him, I liked him, his multiple personalities liked him! It doesn’t matter. This isn’t about liking. You said you talked to him. Did you?” 

And suddenly, it’s full soldier mode. 

“I talked to him,” Hawks says, much more curt. “I said I didn’t want to fight him. I asked him to come quietly. I said I’ll help him start over after his sentence.” 

“Was that what he wanted? Was that the ‘reasonable request’?” 

The pause before he replies is the real answer, even as Hawks says, “It’s more than what I am ever supposed to do.”

“You didn’t ask,” Shuuichi translates for him. “Why are you even here? For a good laugh? Dumbass wants to talk to the Villains and, what? You want to see–” 

“Bubaigawara said he’d trade his soul for the League’s happiness.” Hawks says. Shuuichi twitches at the voice that’s without the usual Fukuoka accent and with not a single variation in tone. “He was too loyal. He would’ve done anything they told him to do. What Bubaigawara Jin wanted was for the League to be happy.” 

With exaggerated movements, Hawks glances at him, then looks over the papers on the table, all the files on each member of the League, files Hawks himself put together. “Do you see the problem, Iguchi? There was no deal to be made there. It was impossible, even before taking into account that this is the League.” 

He was a decent guy, Hawks said. I think he really was a good person. He was a decent guy. I think he really was a good person. He was–

The words play in a loop in Shuuichi’s head. It overwhelms everything else, stopping him from having to go forward and follow the cascade of connections. He would let this go on infinitely, if the words didn’t also bring with them a distant but increasingly encroaching grief.

Bubaigawara, who showed him how the kids were doing, against his boss’ orders, and Shuuichi can still remember that moment when he saw the picture of Bakugou and Tokoyami, tied up but looking enraged (Bakugou) and exasperated (Tokoyami), undoubtedly alive and literally kicking. The moment fear unclenched its icy hold on his heart; the immensity of relief numbing him, having pushed out of his body every other sensation. He just barely remembers glimpsing a thumbs up at the corner of his vision and hearing ‘now stop being naughty’ from far, far away.

What did Bubaigawara want? For the League to be happy. For people he cared about to be happy. A completely reasonable request, now unreasonable. A most basic and common and straight up corny thing, happiness, made impossible through distortions that Shuuichi knows must have existed to twist Bubaigawara’s life into a wreck, but he cannot see them nor understand what and how and why. He cannot right them, no matter how much he wants to. 

“You liked him, and you killed him,” Shuuichi says. “You liked him, because at heart he’s a good person, actually a good person, and you killed him.” 

“Iguchi–” 

“If you really did like him,” Shuuichi says. “If you really did think he was a good person, you would’ve tried every single thing you could’ve done to not kill him. To not let him die.” A dizzying rage burst from his chest. “You would’ve saved him. That’s the fucking job.” 

[...]

For all that Shuuichi is unsympathetic to Hawks’ quiet angsting about his dirty hands and wings, he recognizes that it really comes from a place of fear. It comes from the future, the one where he ends up killing Shigaraki and then it’s his turn to be forced to live with his dirty self. Though if he’s lucky, he dies of old age at 35 and takes One For All with him. Plus, he has his tried and true method of withdrawing from life. He spent fifteen years emptying himself of all thought and emotions and life; what’s another fifteen?

It’s tempting to retreat back to old habits. It’s easy to do. Shuuichi can give up and stop thinking about any of this. He listens to his order and follows the war plan to go kill Toga, kill Shigaraki, kill All For One. He has permission, he has all of Japan and the world backing him up. He’ll finally be doing his job: defeating bad guys and protecting good people. 

He won’t be just somebody, he’ll be the Hero that slayed the Demon Lord. His greatest fantasy come to life.

[...]

“So the League has to die because this world has thrown them to the wolves? They gotta die because they see no future for themselves in this world, but wanting to live, they’ve decided to make a new one? You know that’s who they really are. You knew that was who Bubaigawara truly was.” Shuuichi is now all but yelling. “They aren’t monsters. They’re not evil. They’re just people. Just because they— It shouldn’t matter what they’ve done. They’re people. And Heroes save people, don't they!?” 

Hawks’ eyes are hard. The look of a parent watching a child throw a tantrum and refusing to budge. “Iguchi. How about you consider this. The people back in your hometown - they aren’t monsters; probably aren’t bad people either. Not usually. Not to their friends and family—”

By the time Shuuichi’s head’s clear enough, he already had Hawks by the collar and pinned to the wall. Hawks looks neither surprised nor offended about this. He allowed this. Shuuichi wants to punch him. 

“What are you trying to say?” Shuuichi’s claws pierce through Hawks’ jacket. “Bastard, what are you trying to say? Don’t you dare…”

“I dare you to consider it, Iguchi.”

“You think I haven’t done that?!” Shuuichi yells. “You think I’ve never tried? I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought about it for years. I know it already! I’ve made myself accept it. I know! I know they’re…”

But he can’t say it out loud. He doesn’t want to. He refuses to. The truth that’s a lie. Shuuichi won’t tell that lie.

“If you had it your way,” Hawks says, even and nearly soft. “You would call every one of them criminals. You would want them punished. You still hold that grudge. Maybe you’ve even thought about taking revenge on the worst of them… haven’t you?”

Shuuichi doesn’t answer. 

Of course he had. Who wouldn’t, if you were powerless and fearful and angry. When you’re small, all you wanted was for them to stop, to leave you alone. Once you’re old enough to grasp the difference between life and death, and the knowledge that this was something you can affect, you realize, you can stop this forever. 

Hawks continues. “What makes them so different from the League that you think the League should be allowed mercy, forgiveness, but not those villagers? That you’ll save Shigaraki, but not your classmates, your village?”

“Save them?” Shuuichi echos. “Save them? Save them from what?”

“What else? From their hatred.”

Shuuichi can’t think. Too many thoughts, too many emotions. He doesn’t want to think. He has no answer. 

Hawks brings his hands to Shuuichi’s own, untangling his claws from the collar. “The League must be stopped, Iguchi.” 

“I know that,” Shuuichi says. Automatic. A phrase spoken so often it’s worn out; empty. As is his next word. But–

Hawks doesn’t let him reach it. “They have to be stopped because they’re dangerous. They’re killers. They’ve killed so many people already, and they’re about to kill a horrific number more.” Then he pushes Shuuichi away. 

“…The people of your hometown, whatever they did, it was wrong. It was not justified. You didn’t deserve the treatment you got. But they’re not killers. They haven’t killed anyone. And they weren’t planning for people to die.”

No, they weren't. 

They didn’t, because the world had moved past saying people like Shuuichi should be drowned at birth. The world had overcome that desire years ago and stopped considering it a reasonable opinion. Who cares that the last massacre was only 30 years ago, when Shuuichi’s parents were alive, middle school students who walked quickly to and from school, careful not to stay outside any longer then they had to but still knowing that won’t protect them from being attacked on someone’s moody whim and left to die in the dirt? Who cares that half of those who did the advocating for purges got to pass away in old age on a soft bed? Because those kinds of people are no longer a threat. The children they raised aren’t killers, have never set fire to homes or stabbed a pitchfork through someone. And the children those children raised would never even consider that, because they knew it would be too extreme, too much - too inconvenient to them. They don’t want anyone to die. 

They only made Shuuichi wish he was dead. Wish he hadn’t been born. Sometimes Shuuichi even wished that whenever they opened their mouth or thought up a silly prank, they would stop and instead just pick up a bat and beat the shit out of him, because then the hurt he felt would be physical, visible on his body as undeniable evidence, as a most truthful witness with the most vivid memory, the damage calculable and convertible to consequences. And maybe when the broken bones heal and the bruises fade, the pain would go with it, instead of burrowing into his heart and staying in that hollowed space. 

(He was naive back then. That the scars would only mark him as victim and not as potential danger - because what scars did not hurt? What scars did not become a reminder of pain and injustice and the seeds of resentment? Until he saw what was underneath Shoji’s mask, he hadn’t realize–) 

His heart is ragged with holes. 

One of Hawks’ numerous abilities is apparently mind-reading, because he gently told Shuuichi, “You’re still alive.”

Am I? Shuuichi wants to ask. 

But he is. That is true. Shuuichi survived. He had enough strength to not succumb; he had enough cowardice to stay. Whichever it was, they didn’t manage to kill him. They’re not murderers, not like the League. And even if he did end up dead…

What’s worse? Destruction in an instant, or destruction spread over the years, eroding the control he had over his life and moving his arm to point the knife at himself? Destruction attributable to one person, a tangible individual being, and easy to lock away; or destruction that everyone partakes in, that saturates the very air? They all breathe it in and exhale it out, the damage spread so evenly no one was innocent, but neither were they guilty in any real way, solid and mattering. When calling for someone to take responsibility, there is no one to answer. Blood on their hands but only specks, and if everyone has to have that drop of blood on their hands, then that’s just a normal part of life.

(There’s blood on him too.) 

Bugs in his school lunches; face pushed into mud - lizards crawl on the ground. His classmates giggled and teased each other. Their bullying was an exotic vacation - Oh my god, you’re so mean! - (They knew it was wrong to do, they knew) - a thrill to try out. Pesticides sprayed at him, farming hoes brandished - no pests on my land. All those adults with disgust in their eyes, then dancing amusement when he had to comply. 

(And then everyone else - eyes darting away, lips pressed into a thin line, silence for a shield - ignore it, just ignore it. A lecture, a lesson. You can handle it. You have to accept it. It will make you stronger.)

But it wasn’t like they did anything truly horrible. They knew not to cross that boundary (though sometimes—just a foot over the line, but always taken back quickly - they would never go that far). It’s not like they held him down and forced salt into his eyes and down his throat. It’s not like they caged and starved him. They didn’t hurt him like their grandfathers would’ve. He’s alive, because they aren’t bad people. 

They are good people.

They laughed and loved and worked hard and wanted only happy lives. A whole community. Good people. 

For so long, Shuuichi had wanted to see evidence of their evil, to know they were cruel and sadistic and hurt everyone they came into contact with. He wanted so badly for them to be sociopaths and manipulative toxic ghouls, and one day, surely, they would see comeuppance, and justice would arrive, because otherwise, anything otherwise—

—it would mean a good person thought he deserved his hurt. 

A good person didn’t care about him. A good person can hurt him and still consider themselves kind and compassionate. In them was no divergence from good behavior - it was their normal and mundane. And so it had to be his normal too. 

If they’re good, and they felt his suffering was okay; if they’re good and they tormented him and ignored him, and they go on to have happy lives because they are good people, then what does that make him?

In this world, good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. This is the world he’s fighting to preserve. Most of it has done nothing that would deserve destruction and death. They truly haven’t. Not guilty. Free to go. Return things back to what they were before.

[...]

Hawks says, “We’ll change things after this.”

A change out of fear. A grudging change that was not optional, because the consequences of their society’s failures were no longer tolerable or ignorable. A change that put no blame on themselves, seen as a concession to the disagreeable elements of society to placate them, to tame them. Years later, when the change has saturated the culture, history will not remember this as a concession. It will remember this as a historical success, a change people chose to progress, to become a better world.

The League won’t get to be a part of this. They are never to experience even a second of that better world they forced everyone to create, never to experience a normal that didn’t hurt. They should’ve swallow down their pain and make do. They should’ve accepted the way the world was. If they had wanted things to change, they should’ve done it in a better way. Support the Heroes that do so much good at their expense. Make nice with the people that emptied their heart. Let everyone else have that golden peace, even as their own peace shrivels up and crumbles. 

Toga Household, Sunday morning.

On March 21th, a girl named Toga Himiko (Age: 15, Quirk: Transformation), stabbed a classmate in the abdomen. After the classmate collapsed, Toga proceeded to insert a straw into the boy’s knife wound and drink his blood. This had continued until a teacher physically pulled her away. An attempt to restrain her failed; Toga broke free when the teacher became distracted by the injured student. Toga then escaped from the school via a window and managed to flee before any Heroes or police had arrived. Currently, her whereabouts are unknown. 

Today is the third day of the search for the young fugitive. Police have expanded the search area to the entire city and surrounding suburbs, and Heroes have been instructed to be vigilant on their patrol routes. Police have also been posted at the Toga residence to provide the household with protection from the media and public, to prevent any family members from committing inadvisable actions, and also to resume interrogation of the parents. 

Kurogiri thinks that by day three, any questions useful to the investigation that could be asked would’ve been asked.

Two detectives are questioning Toga’s mom Katami about Himiko’s history and behavior, hoping to use that information to capture the runaway. Killing animals as a child, lack of self-control, frequent lying, inauthentic emotions like faking smiles - they sketch out an early profile of a budding psychopath. Shigaraki and Kurogiri are there as well, standing in the hallway, listening in. Shigaraki crouches down by the doorframe, observing the age-height marks carved into it. More precisely, there are only two notches, each labeled ‘Himiko’ and an age. The count starts at age 2 and stops at age 3.

Shigaraki goes off on his own to gather more information. Kurogiri follows. He is not authorized to accompany a Hero on duty, much less have clearance to be at a crime scene. However, no one - not Shouta or Hizashi, the police, not even the Public Safety Commission - has ever said anything about this infraction, so Kurogiri continues to accompany and assist Shigaraki Tomura wherever he goes. 

(This is something he, Kurogiri, wants to do. It is a choice that brings him satisfaction. One day, perhaps, he will find something more fulfilling than watching over Shigaraki Tomura and choose that instead. Until then, he is happy where he is, doing what he does.) 

Shigaraki and Kurogiri look around Himiko’s bedroom. A tarp covers the window - someone with a good, strong aim must have thrown a rock. Bits of glass still glitters in the light, scattered over the bed, remnants of a hastily, half-hearted clean up.

Kurogiri talks to Himiko’s younger sister. The younger sister, who is 7, 8 years old, asks if they’re going to put the whole family in jail. Kurogiri says no. The younger sister then asks if Himiko is a Villain now. Kurogiri internally debates whether to explain the legal technicalities of the term; decides not to. He tells the younger sister that Himiko did something bad, but they’re going to find her. 

Shigaraki notices something about the bedsheets, before heading to the bathroom to rummage through a cabinet, where he finds a bottle of 3% hydrogen peroxide. He questions the younger sister about Himiko’s mornings. Younger sister says Himiko sneaks out of her room all the time in the mornings, carrying her blankets to the bathroom. It’s a secret only she knows. 

As the investigation wraps up, the younger sister asks if after they kill Himiko, will things go back to normal?

If we kill Himiko, will things go back to normal? Shigaraki repeats, utterly monotone.

Younger sister, frightened, stops talking. Kurogiri gently tells her Heroes don’t kill. Why does she think they’ll kill Himiko? Younger sister won’t say anything else. 

Shigaraki asks Kurogiri to warp them downstairs, surprising and interrupting the interrogation. There, Shigaraki reveals that Himiko’s bedsheets are covered with lots of old, faint, washed-out bloodstains; that Himiko sometimes gets up early to wash them out, and this has been happening for quite a while; why and however it happens, it’s clear that Himiko has been constantly injured for a long time. He asks Katami whether she knew and did nothing about it, or didn’t care about her daughter to know at all. 

It comes out that Katami knew Himiko would bite her wrists until she bleeds, but gave up on doing anything and ignored it, because no matter what she and her husband tried, Himiko is just a defiant child, and has always been abnormal. When asked why they didn’t seek help, Katami said they did go to quirk counseling, when she was younger. After a while it seemed to have worked, but now they know that Toga tricked them into thinking it worked. Detective points out that the bedsheets meant it didn’t work, and asks: Why didn’t they continue? Why didn’t they look for stronger programs? Katami sobs out that it was just so shameful, those kinds of programs are for ‘challenged’ kids and delinquents, and they never wanted to be that kind of family or people. 

Shigaraki then mocks her, saying that it turns out they are that kind of people, their secret is out, they didn’t try hard enough to discipline her, now they will always live with this stigma. The world will never forgive them, they’ll probably have to go into hiding because people are already throwing rocks and drawing graffiti on their house, and she has to live with the knowledge that Himiko came from her after all, so there’s probably something twisted within Katami as well.

The woman is terrified and hysterical. The detectives yell at him to get out. Shigaraki and Kurogiri leave, but not before Shigaraki tells the woman to take that feeling, and think of it everyday from now on. It took Toga Himiko twelve years before she snapped; how long will it take Katami?

(Before leaving, Kurogiri politely hands Katami a business card.)

Outside, Kurogiri tells Shigaraki he might have broken the woman. Shigaraki says he’s good at breaking things, but then admits he went too far. He then sarcastically says at least this means his therapist will have something to do; he’s been too good lately, they’re running out of things to talk about. Kurogiri thinks to himself that Shigaraki truly has matured a lot, becoming self-reflective and much more open. Five years ago, when Shigaraki Tomura was 14 years old, Kurogiri would’ve never imagined this possibility. Then life took a drastic and sudden turn when All For One was defeated and his bases were raided. Shigaraki and Kurogiri were captured, then reformed, and now here they are. 

Still, Kurogiri tells Shigaraki that if they find and take in Toga Himiko, they’ll have to deal with her family as well, so he shouldn’t burn that bridge just yet.

Next stop is Himiko’s friends’ residences. The majority of them are reluctant to talk, their families wanting them to start disassociating with anything related to Himiko, one or two even scared that Himiko might target them next. One of the parents says that Heroes aren’t what they used to be, ever since All Might has began retiring. Crime has gone up, people no longer feel as safe. Heroes better find that villain quickly. Still, in between the fear and criticism, Shigaraki and Kurogiri managed to gather more info: Himiko liked Saito, who’s cool and popular; she liked that Saito had stood up to a bully, even if he got all beaten up. She had joined all the clubs he joined, listened to music he liked, generally wanted to try out everything he did. Other things: They know her Quirk was something to do with shapeshifting, but no other details. Himiko rarely ever talked about home; she liked to stay after school. Himiko was always agreeable and eager to go along with everyone; she was trendy; just a very normal girl. The stabbing came out of nowhere.

Deciding they’ve got a good general picture of Toga Himiko, Shigaraki and Kurogiri warp to Shinka Centre.

The moment Shigaraki warps in, a muscular woman with a [chain-weapon quirk] tries to attack him. Shigaraki dodges the attack and retaliates. They spend a few good minutes fighting, before Shigaraki gets past her defense and touches her with a finger, signaling checkmate. The woman - whose name is Maeda - yells in frustration but concedes. Shigaraki tells her he’s busy with a case, so don’t bother him for the rest of the day, before walking away.

Kurogiri offers his sympathies but also encourages Maeda. Her speed and strategy is improving. She’s making progress. He hopes she can keep it up, in both sparring and her rehabilitation. Because the deal is, Maeda can be as violent and villainous as she wants, as many times she likes… but only towards Shigaraki Tomura. If she wins, Shigaraki has to give her half his inheritance and discharge her. If Shigaraki wins, she has to stay and continue her therapy sessions, chores, studying for her GED, etc.

Shigaraki always win and so Maeda stays at Shinka.

Shinka Centre is a Villain rehabilitation facility; its Director is, on paper, Shimura Tenko. When Shigaraki Tomura was 17, he came up with the idea and prepared for it; when he turned 18, he inherited his father Kotarou’s fortune. Using that + help from All Might and Nedzu + an army of lawyers + cooperating with advocacy groups + maybe some bribery, maybe some blackmailing, who knows; Shigaraki created Shinka. A place that’s the furthest thing from Tartarus; a place away from HPSC; a place where Shigaraki Tomura could be a hero his own way, taking in the trash that society had thrown away and refused to acknowledge. A place where he can pay forward what All Might did for him - saved him. 

It’s only been open for ten months and they have four patients. Shigaraki complained to Kurogiri before that the few courts willing to even consider Shinka have approved and transferred to him only easy cases, which will be good for success rates but not helping those who really, really needs it. Meanwhile, the Commission opposes the idea of Villain rehabilitation in general; Shigaraki dryly opines that they’re afraid he’s building a personal Villain army. Shigaraki already destroyed the Symbol of Peace, so this was like rubbing salt into a wound with a rusty nail.

Maeda (age 20, charges: assault, theft) is the most troublesome patient so far, but she’s also not that clever, so they’ve successfully kept her under control with individualized treatment. She has a clear goal, focuses all her aggression on only one target and no one else, and they’ve convinced her that therapy and work will make her stronger, more disciplined, smarter, all of which will allow her to one day defeat Shigaraki Tomura (who rubs her the wrong way for being younger than her and also a rich kid). Does it work? She’s taken up meditation, and the therapist is chipping away at her walls; she is working towards her GED, starting to learn delayed gratification, and getting along with the other patients without trying to dominate them. Compare that to a typical prisoner.

Still, it does mean sometimes there are problems like the floor getting torn up. Shinka is an abandoned hospital Shigaraki bought out, slowly being renovated. Miyako, the administrator, is absolutely devastated by the damage to the building and setback again. She asks Kurogiri if he can work with her today. Kurogiri looks to Shigaraki, who refuses to show any indication about what he wants Kurogiri to do. Kurogiri then says yes, he’ll help, but only for a bit, because there’s a case. Miyako is super thankful for the help. During, she asks if the case is the girl who stabbed someone; if Shigaraki is trying to get her into Shinka. Kurogiri says that they’ll have to see if she qualifies first, but he knows the answer is ‘yes’. Shigaraki Tomura will not fail. 

Secretarial work surprisingly is not as easy for Kurogiri as everyone, including himself, thought it would be. Before, the work he did for All For One and the Doctor did not need paper trails; must not have paper trails. His quirk and role being what they were, things that were needed to be done were done instantly. But Kurogiri is a quick study, and he’s happy to help. Miyako does nearly all the office work. The other staff might sometimes help, but mostly it’s just her. Shigaraki pays her a salary that much more than compensates for it. Her twin brother is in prison for taking Trigger and rampaging, killing two. After that, the family lost everything, and no one wanted to hire someone associated with a Villain, so this job is a godsend. When the brother is released, he’s welcome to Shinka too.

After helping with the paperwork, Kurogiri goes to Shigaraki’s office. The door is always open. Shigaraki is just staring at an unmarked map of the city - he has never been one for drawing or writing out what he’s thinking, instead keeping all information and plans inside his head. When Kurogiri asks about the progress on the case, Shigaraki says Toga Himiko is in survival mode, and he needs to grab cash for some of his underground sources to be on the lookout for her. This is as clear as mud, so Kurogiri asks for an explanation. 

Shigaraki tells him that there hasn’t been any new bloodletting incidents after Saito - Himiko currently isn’t stabbing people for blood or enjoyment. The very few reported, unsolved quirkless crimes involving stabbing with a knife during the past 48 hours are unlikely to have been committed by her. Himiko is focused on survival - looking for places to hide and sleep, looking for food, looking for money. If she is criming, it’s unreported, and that happens in areas that Heroes and police ignore, which also have good hiding spots, so drifters inevitably end up there.

Everyone lost their mind over the blood drinking, but Himiko is probably a dumb kid running away. Kurogiri points out that Himiko having a straw to stick into Saito’s wound suggests premeditation, and she showed clear enjoyment. Shigaraki says that doesn’t have to mean a mastermind plot by a sadist. Himiko stabbed Saito randomly in the stomach out in the open, when common sense would be to do it somewhere private and to cut an artery for more blood. Kurogiri wonders, is that common sense? Shigaraki shrugs and says even if she is a ruthless psychopath, he’s not in any position to judge. 

With what they’ve found out, Kurogiri and Shigaraki conclude that Himiko seems like a girl whose quirk issues weren’t addressed and snapped after a lifetime of suppression. She likes and admires Saito, who is popular, kind, normal, so wanting to be like him - wanting to be him - could be a way to relieve the pressure of conformity, while also satisfying the urge to drink blood. Considering how she was smiling while drinking Saito’s blood, she’s high on her first stabbing, her first blood drinking, her first taste of freedom. She has reigned it in, though, enough to focus on survival. In control of herself but flooded with adrenaline. They should find her before that energy runs out.

Kurogiri reflects all this - the profiling, Toga Himiko’s situation, the way people dislike it when you contradict the image they want you to be, and refusing to accept anything less than strict conformity to the role they expect. When he was allowed to wake up, Kurogiri was expected to become a boy named Shirakumo Oboro. He was asked questions to which the answers had already been decided for him. He was not trusted to exist as he is. From the moment of his creation, Kurogiri has known he is not human. But it wasn’t until that moment that he fully understood the kind of being he is; made to finally realize the divide between him and the humanity Heroes guarded. There was no truth to his experiences, no meaning to his emotions, no legitimacy to his desire to watch over Shigaraki Tomura, who had become distant and cautious, the brittle, meticulous connection so painstakingly built between them gone. It had seemed only the disappointment and danger of Kurogiri’s existence was real. 

A phone alarm rings. Shigaraki sighs. It’s time for his weekly luncheon with All Might. Shigaraki also checks on Saito’s status. The kid is…surviving.

At the restaurant, All Might is, as always, happy to see Shigaraki, who calls him Uncle. At first it was sarcastic, but now it's habit. Shigaraki acts like a teenager reluctant to spend time with an uncle who calls this ‘chilling’. All Might tells Shigaraki he’s playing and immensely enjoying Critter Creek [Animal Crossing]. When Shigaraki tells All Might he can bully a villager to make them leave, All Might coughs up blood at the cruelty. They talk about things like an uncle and nephew might. Shigaraki continues to try out everything on the menu; All Might teases Shigaraki about using a spoon to cut his meat. Kurogiri is still there, sitting at the table as well, and sometimes All Might tries to pull him into the conversation, but Kurogiri only gives a polite but aloof reply. 

Shigaraki Tomura is allied with Heroes, and All Might is now awkward family with Shigaraki, but Kurogiri still distrusts him, and Heroes in general. There’s programmed instinct to it, but Heroes can still harm Shigaraki Tomura and ruin all the work he’s done, a threat that Kurogiri monitors. Besides, All Might is said to have killed All For One (though Kurogiri is pleased to note that All Might didn’t escape unscathed either), and is responsible for Shigaraki and Kurogiri’s capture. Kurogiri lost three years to Tartarus; All Might gained those three years, during which Shigaraki grew from a surly, wrathful 14 year old to a shrewd, ambitious 17 year old. All Might got to play proud parent; Kurogiri woke up to a young man who didn’t need him anymore. 

Still, it isn’t like All Might got to have it all. Kurogiri reveals: The Hero’s phased out retirement meant societal anxiety and power struggles. He pulled a lot of strings to get Shigaraki - who was condemned as a Villain despite being 14 due to his quirk, his upbringing and history, his psychological evaluation, and the fact that he killed two Heroes and five officers during his capture - first out of Tartarus, then out of juvie (and into a psych ward), then even attempted to just get him out. This was not revealed to the public, of course, but even in that sphere, All Might started doing things differently. He donated to reform causes; he took an interest in quirk counseling; he even began to talk to the Villains he stopped, saying stuff like he believes in their atonement during their arrests. As the Symbol of Peace, he of course swayed some of the public opinion, but he also received lots of criticism, even dropping to No. 2 in the billboards. Conspiracy abounds that this is an imposter; that he’s going senile; that his quirk is making him too superhuman, thinking he can save everyone. Without a unifying icon to rally behind, schisms among the people appeared, going in all types of directions, good and bad. 

When it’s time to go back to the office, All Might suddenly asks to speak to Kurogiri alone, because someone’s special day is coming up and someone else wants to plan something ‘cool’. Shigaraki, disgusted, leaves. All Might is speaking the truth - Shigaraki’s 19th birthday is coming up, and he wants to do something for it. Kurogiri says he’s already planning to make a cake, but if that’s also All Might’s plan, Kurogiri is happy to give the task to him, and make a special dinner instead. They have a chat planning a small event, even semi-joking about getting a car for Shigaraki (doesn’t know how to drive; thought has probably never even crossed his mind) and telling him he should learn to get around without using warps. 

All Might then muses about how the first anniversary of Shinka opening is also coming up soon, and how proud he is of Shigaraki; that he wouldn’t trade this path he chose for all the world. Quite literally, because five years ago, the choice was: abandon Tomura to keep being the Symbol of Peace, or give up being the Symbol of Peace to help Tomura. Keep true to being a Hero and the impartial justice and laws he of all people should uphold, or do all he can to help a single person, which would mean breaking some of the rules. Kurogiri cooly replies that as expected of All Might, he managed to do the impossible and paradoxically choose both options with his slow, gradual retirement. 

All Might shares what happened back then: he did try to go back to work, to continue the heroism he worked so hard to achieve and maintain. Yet he could not stop thinking about the child, small and bound in that bright white cell, every misery illuminated and made stark. He committed to doing more and working even harder to make sure a tragedy like Shigaraki Tomura would never happen again. But everytime he saved someone, he would see Shigaraki like a ghost in the background, angry and bloody and accusing. Sometimes Shigaraki looked like All Might’s Master right before her death; sometimes Shigaraki looked like All For One right after his death. One day, All Might found that he couldn’t even smile. So he had to save Shigaraki, even if it meant leaving behind the peace he spent years and a truly herculean effort to create. The moment he chose Shigaraki, the status quo - his status quo - was gone, everything forced to start changing. 

Kurogiri thinks: All the world for the one successor of All For One. The poetic irony is unparalleled. But he reciprocates All Might’s openness, telling him about how Shigaraki Tomura has been doing. Joining everyone at Shinka during dinner; learning how to do laundry; brought books for the pitiful Shinka library, except half of the purchase is manga Kurogiri is pretty sure no one will read except for Shigaraki. There is not much he can tell All Might even if he wants to, and there isn’t a lot he wants to tell All Might either, but in between those boundaries, Kurogiri finds that it’s pleasant to share the little trivial things that he picks up and puts away in his mind. Previously those details had always stayed locked in his head, no doorway to them and no knocking visitors. Now he shares them with the Shinka staff, with Aizawa and Yamada, and especially Shigaraki.

…

“How?” Spinner said, while he signed the rest of his question. 『How do you know how?』

Tomura ignored it. “So? Are you deaf?”

“…Hard-of-hearing,” Spinner said as he signed, with much reluctance. “It's my quirk. I have trouble with low voices. Men’s voices in general. Sounds that are too soft.”

“Even with hearing aids?”

“They help, but…” Spinner shrugged. “Not much.”

Tomura glanced at the peach-colored hearing aids. Couldn’t even afford to get ones that match his color.

“Did you hear anything I said?”

“A word here and there.” Spinner frowned. “And you have that– mask, so I can’t see your mouth! I couldn’t read you at all!” He gave Kurogiri a brief look, and Tomura remembered that, yeah, Kurogiri didn’t have a visible mouth. Or any facial features besides his wispy eyes.

In that regard, Kurogiri wasn’t unique. There were heteromorphs who just didn’t have mouths or any means to speak, so they became sign language users. But overall, most sign language users were deaf, and wore implants. And the majority weren’t heteromorphs. So speech and speechreading reigned over pure signing.

The sign language officially taught in Japan had existed since the pre-Advent days, and then some. It largely followed spoken grammar and structure, so it wasn’t too hard matching signs to words, though Spinner sometimes skipped over his spoken words, and had a tendency to just trail off halfway as his hands finished the sentence.

Spinner signed with accents, too. Hokkaido signs popped up here and there, but his main accent was from his claws. His signs were careful, reserved, unwilling to take up too much space. The fists he made were loose; it was his claw tips that touched, rather than his fingertips.

Watching those claws was interesting.

“How do you know sign language?” Spinner asked again, though this time his demeanor was more demanding.

“Multilingualism,” Tomura said.

“Are you also–”

“No, I’m not deaf or hard-of-hearing.” Tomura huffed. “Don’t be so surprised. Hearing people can learn it, you know.”

Tomura moved on. “Spinner. Why do you want to join the League of Villains? Nothing about Stain. Why do you want to join?”

Spinner took his time answering. He looked at his hands, as if reading the scales on his palm and claws at his fingertips. Reading the history of his life recorded upon them.

When he finally looked back at Tomura, it was with no uncertainty, and no false front. Only true conviction. Each sign he made was clear, each word he spoke enunciated.

“I want to change the world.”

…

…

…

Five fingers, and anything he touched got decayed. He pinched things as if he was a germaphobe. He held his consoles with his pinkies sticking out. For a firm and tight grip, he doesn’t use his index finger.

Only when Tomura signs, can he make use of all his fingers.

...

...

...

(Spinaraki occurs, as in canon. Fine, also add a bit more spinaraki. Then jumping alllllllll the way to Act III, at Mt. Fuji)

He touched his left hand to the ground, flat with all five fingers, that was all that's needed—and then indulged the whim to use his right hand as well. But only his index finger: touching the ground where the fingers of his left hand are resting. He drew a line outwards, across the cracking earth. The word; the promise, the dream, finally made real.

The horizon.

Spinner, Tomura thought. It’s here.

•

Notes:

All signs that are described are accurate Japanese Sign Language.

The sign Shigaraki uses for 'name' is Kansai dialect.

••• I headcanon Shigaraki having grown up in Kansai - that's where Jaku and the hospital and the Doc is; where there was once also a town named Shigaraki (different characters tho), in the former Koka district (using the same character as AFO's Koga Construction company...).

irl, lizards have a hearing range of 100Hz and 10kHz. Humans have a range of 20Hz and 20kHz. So people can hear a wider range of pitches than lizards - like low voices. Spinner's quirk is Gecko, so...

In this AU, for a few years after being picked up by AFO, Tenko/Tomura continued to be mute due to trauma. So he was taught JSL.

(Somewhat NSFW) 

Kid came about because Shigaraki and Spinner had sex. A lot of sex. To be more specific…

Spinner, blessed with quirk/heteromorph biology that I completely made up, has a cloaca that houses both hemipenes and—unknown to him—organs that can produce eggs and carry/lay them. He was born AMAB, raised as a man in a rural area that did not care to know anything about heteromorph medicine, identifies as a man, and so did not ever know getting pregnant was possible for him. 

Shigaraki fucked his slit/cloaca without a condom, and that's how Zuna came into being. Total surprise, no chance to get an abortion because no one knew anything until one day Spinner got severe abdominal pain and popped out an egg.

I summarized this very nonchalantly but it was terrifying for Spinner.

In the Masanori timeline, Shigaraki was away for the AFO surgery and Spinner dealt with this with the League and a few selected MLA/PLF members. In the Zuna timeline, Shigaraki postponed the surgery to spend time with his new boyfriend Spinner, and so was there for Spinner; and so—

THE POSTPARTUM 

The MLA heteromorph doctors saw to Spinner. The egg was put into incubation. 

Mr. Compress said, Well, Shigaraki, you'll have to take responsibility, as the father. …The other father, in this case.

And Shigaraki said, Yeah. 

I even sketched out a comic for this. Here’s the first three panels:

Never polished up the rest, but my draft went like this:

Spinner: An egg... a kid, of all things… What am I going to do?

Shigaraki, watching the incubator: …We. It’s my kid too. 

Spinner, clutching at his head even harder: ...Shigaraki. I'm sorr—

Shigaraki: Stop. I already said I'll take responsibility. 

Spinner, finally lifting his head a bit, glancing over at Shigaraki: …

Spinner, sighing, dropping his arms, looking up at the incubator: …I hate this. I don't want this. 

Spinner, shoulders hunching tighter, staring hollowly at the egg: I don't know anything about kids. I never wanted one, in case they ever turned out looking like…

Shigaraki, turning to look at Spinner, waiting for him to continue: ...

Spinner: I don't know how to be a dad, or parent, or whatever. I don't know anything at all. 

Spinner: ...…But... 

Spinner, hands shaking slightly: I don't want them to ever grow up feeling like a hollow shell.

Shigaraki, watching Spinner for a few more moments, before looking back at the egg; and then, voice low and soft: We'll make sure of that. 

•

No idea how this magical AU timeline works. When does the AFO surgery happen? Does it happen? When do the PLF launch their attack? How does the plot move forward??? I don't know! 

I think Hawks gets killed though, after being discovered as a spy. Twice lives, Heroes raid is postponed, and eventually, the egg hatches. 

THE KID

Toga: He’s cute! 

Twice: Yeah! Surprising since he came from you two! 

Spinner: Doesn't really look like either of us. 

Shigaraki: …He's got my family's black hair.

Zuna is a noisy child, crying at every little thing. But he seems to like being held by Shigaraki more - quiets down when he’s bundled up in Shigaraki’s arms. 

All the kid does is sleep, cries, eats, shits. Babies are boring yet a handful. ReDestro provides nannies, but Spinner and Shigaraki end up sticking with the kid most of the time.

They considered giving the kid away. ReDestro offers to anonymously find a very good home - one completely unassociated with the MLA or Villains, overseas even, so he can grow up completely normal, never knowing anything. A clean and permanent severance. Logically, it was clearly the right thing to do, and yet… That felt like abandonment, and it faded as a choice. 

If they were still homeless, still aimless, keeping the kid would be a terrible choice. But now they have money, they have an army. They've got space and resources and options and support. Funny how that can change everything.

Post Deika, Shigaraki feels free, clear-headed, ready to take on the world. I think he would take the ‘having a kid’ thing better than expected; at least feels like he has a handle on it, able to take it step by step. There are of course darker emotions that swirl up inside of him, but he always makes the decision to destroy them before they surface. That does manifest in being rather aloof and detached towards the kid; and sure, like in canon he might still have his own crying kid repressed inside of him; but also like in canon, his care and protectiveness of the League overwhelms that - and so it would be the same for Zuna. Still… 

Thinking of Zuna as his son - feels wrong. Shigaraki doesn't care for having a son, wanting a son. (He doesn't think much of fathers, either - people caught up in a delusion of being a Father, deciding everything based on what they think is best for everyone, feeling entitled to the family’s hearts and lives, justifying that it's all done out of some selfless shared dream)

“His kid.” Somewhat better, but still strange. Shouldn't have a kid. “The kid” - how he’s been thinking of Zuna so far. “A kid he recklessly made” - much more truthful. Feels more fitting. But unfair to the kid.

—“Spinner's kid.” Suddenly that framing makes Shigaraki feel more protective. Spinner’s kid. Their kid.

“Our kid” - Born into this rotten world. Born to two villains, two messed up criminals who want to destroy everything. Ready to fight to destroy. 

(To become free. To be able to live as they see fit.)

Shigaraki thinks, brat’s gonna need all the protection he can get.

(A hero of his own.)

I think Shigaraki knows he's likely not going to be a good parent, but he’s determined not to be a shitty one. He refuses. 

As for Spinner, he’s def doing worse than Shigaraki. 😢 He’s terrified, he’s in a mess he can't fix, he thinks he’s ruined Shigaraki’s life, he knows he’s ruined the kid’s life. He promised himself he wouldn't have kids, he swore long ago that he wasn't going to bring someone into this shit world. But he did so anyway…

He has a kid. He has a child. He has a son…

He can't do this. There’s no way things will go well for a kid with him as a father. A kid with him and Shigaraki Tomura as parents—

Shigaraki’s kid. Shigaraki’s son. 

Spinner thinks, if I can think of you like that... 

He's probably still gonna mess Shigaraki’s kid up somehow, but he won't, he refuses, he’ll protect Zuna with everything he's got.

Spinner and Shigaraki should probably sit down together and talk about this lmao 

(If the ‘thinking of the kid as the other’s kid’ seems a bit iffy, it is! But they'll start to think of Zuna as his own person soon enough, and want to care for him on that basis.) 

THE SPINARAKI

Spinner and Shigaraki do eventually sit down together and talk about everything. Have to, at some point, especially given the PLF’s plans; and just from having people in their lives now that have strong connections to them, and therefore to Zuna as well. Contingency plans, guardians in the event of death, who to hand off the kid to for the afternoon, who to force to change diapers. 

I think Zuna would put a strain on their relationship at first - mostly Spinner thinking he should leave Shigaraki alone, he's caused enough trouble. Meanwhile Shigaraki wonders if he can use the kid as an excuse to skip meetings and most other human interactions to spend more time alone with Spinner. But like I said - they will end up having an honest talk and navigate to the next step, whatever that is. 

Also both learned a big lesson about safe sex. 

AS PARENTS

I've played around with this concept a few times before - In Eri, Awry, where the League takes in Eri; and in this draft of another Spinaraki kid (Aoi) they adopt years post-war (AU where the ending doesn't suck). Haven't actually written/shown it. 😋 

I think Shigaraki would be pretty permissive in a way that makes other people raise eyebrows, but a lot of it is that he would know and trust his kid a great deal, he encourages them to be independent and learn from their mistakes, and he's got no interest in dictating their life, because after all it's their life. Certainly there’ll be the choices he wouldn't have made himself, and there will be dumb fiascos that his kid should've known better than to make or get involved in; but the parent he is is not have them fly his path/the path he thinks they should take, but to teach the kid how to fly the way they want, how to fall right, and how to get back up. And he’ll always be there at rock bottom - and every other step - to help them if/when they need it. 

From my notes about Aoi:

Being an innately perceptive kid, he was on his best behavior for Spinner and Shigaraki, at least until Shigaraki pulled him aside and told him he's free to be a brat.

Aoi, a kid with a 'villainous' quirk and some mischievous tendencies, gets in trouble, gets put into community service, which is a framing device for the ways Hero Society has changed for the better in how they respond the crimes and treat at-risk individuals, and at the end of it he is inspired to apply to UA to become a Hero/Special Responder himself

Aoi: I’m applying to UA. Shigaraki, Spinner: …Is this your version of teenage rebellion? Aoi: Kinda, yeah, I guess. But I really do want to go. I wanna be a Hero. Shigaraki, Spinner: Of course you do. But fine. Do whatever you want.

Which is to say, yeah. Shigaraki has no expectations that Zuna would be his successor. If Zuna wants to be - huh, but okay. If not - great, yeah. (If this ever comes up in the PLF, Shigaraki would be looking at ReDestro from the corner of his vision and saying, no, none of that legacy shit. 🥲)

As for training… Yes, has to happen, because kid needs to learn how to protect himself, needs to learn how to handle and control his quirk. No need for Zuna to become Strongest if he doesn't want to be, though; but if Zuna wants to fight or ambush him or even just play pranks, Shigaraki would indulge him (but Shigaraki won't hold back in his defense or offense).

Re: War meetings… would begin with Shigaraki handing the (toddler) kid his phone to play with; then end up playing the phone game with his kid when the meeting drags on too long. Really, the true harsh training Shigaraki (and Spinner) instills in Zuna is how to be a gamer.

They would not be above this:

•

As a parent, Spinner would worry a lot more. I don't think he would be strict, exactly, but he would be a bit judgy and fussy; ultimately, though, like Shigaraki, he does think one should make their own path in life, whatever it may be. For his kid, after he develops the fierce love for them that he would have, he badly wants for them to be safe, to have everything be right; but when confronted with the strength of their conviction or will (because after all they have Spinner and Shigaraki as parents), whether he approves or not, he will help them however he can and let them go. Just make sure they come back. 

All that said. Shigaraki and Spinner would toe the line of being slightly neglectful. If the kid wants to only eat cup ramen, fine, just make sure to add some veggies to it. Junk food? Don't be dumb about it and eat too much and end up throwing up. R-rated scary movie at age 12? Don't say we didn't warn you. I can see, like, sometimes Spinner and Shigaraki might be gone for a whole day or two or three because crime, trusting the kid to handle things at home; and more than a few times, they've just given the kid money to go to the arcade/mall/whatever so they can have alone time.

They're def not the most open and affectionate of people, nor the best at knowing when to apply the brakes, whether it's for themselves or for the kid. Ideally, the kid is more sensible than the both of them, cuz someone has to be - which is, of course, not the kid's job. If not (more sensible)—well, at least the three of them are in it together.

THE AUs

All the stuff I wrote above is from the magical timeline in which I guess the destruction of Japan is delayed a year or two so Zuna can be not a tiny baby when all the fighting starts. Easier to wage a war if the kid has been weaned from the bottle? idk anything about child rearing 👍🏼. 

Unsure what things would look like if the PLF succeeds, though! Things in general + how Zuna’s upbringing would look like in such a world. 

In the timeline where the Villains are defeated - but they live - I want the world to look like @stillness-in-green’s New Ouman fanfics. The world truly changed for the better, where most of the Villains survived (and escaped custody), eking out a new existence in the shades. Here Spinner and Shigaraki (and the League/PLF) would steal Zuna/Masanori back, and though their resources have drastically been reduced, it'll be fine. They're healing; they’ve got each other; the tomorrows will keep coming and this time the light is not so glaring and the shadows not so dark. 

(Unlike Aoi, though, I think… Zuna/Masanori would still not want to be a Hero/Special Responder. Would be more of a creative type.) 

•