#myyearofyes

The Power of YES!

I knew holding on to resentment was only hurting me, and I needed to learn how to let it go. The interesting thing was, it’s not that I needed it to be gone, I just needed to be okay with it being there. When you accept the hurt and acknowledge it, you no longer give it power. This is when the healing really begins. As my wounds began to heal, I was still having a difficult time moving forward. I felt the negative energy and it was not welcomed in my internal or external HAUS. The next book I read changed my outlook on life.

For years I felt like I had a hard time saying no. It wasn’t just work obligations, but with friends, family, and volunteer organizations as well. I started to realize I had it all wrong. Saying no was not what I needed to learn, but actually saying YES! I needed to change my way of thinking, and saying YES! to everything was key. “Year of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes was the book that taught me the power of YES! For those of you who don’t know the writer, she is most famous for writing Greys Anatomy, Scandal, and How to Get Away with Murder. Shonda writes about when she was challenged by her sister to say YES! to everything for an entire year. Shonda was at the peak of her career, yet was not happy with herself. She was overweight, in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, and as she hit goal after goal, she wasn’t feeling the happiness she thought she would. I related to Shonda on so many levels. I realized I wasn’t the only one struggling to find happiness in a world that I should have been ecstatic in. Shonda and I had different journeys in some aspects. Shonda was an introvert trying to break out of her shell, while I had everyone fooled that I was Holliethebombdotcom. It’s a role I could play well, but that’s not how I really felt on the inside. Shonda writes “I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart, I am talented, I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard. Don’t call me lucky. Call me a badass.” Now Holliethebombdotcom said that, but the real Hollie did not believe that. Even now, after months of working on myself, I often say “I’m not sure why all this good is happening to me”. My mother reminds me that I’ve worked my ass off, that’s why. I also couldn’t have done it without God. Having a negative mindset is something I think a lot of us struggle with, and even now, I have to constantly change my thinking to a YES! mentality rather than NO.

If you believe that what you put out, you get back, then why are so many of us not accepting of the greatness that comes back? I could write an entire book about how we are conditioned as children to believe we are not deserving. Once I began taking in what came my way, it started to multiply. Now we’re to the 17th power. I now come to every situation, relationship, or conflict with two key things in mind. Being open and honest. Open to possibilities and all outcomes. Also, open to other people perceptions of things and respecting their outlook. Honesty is the harder one. Not being honest with people but being honest with yourself. Honest about why I’m making a decision or feeling a certain way and making sure I’m honestly being and not playing a role. I say “being” instead of “being myself” because the minute you start trying to “be yourself” the trying takes away the actual being.

Tuesday, January 17th, marked one year since I started my journey. Yes, I’ve lost over 65 pounds and counting but this journey just wasn’t about me releasing the excessive weight that was holding me down. It was really and truly about me stepping up and becoming the woman I was meant to be. It was me choosing to put my health first physically and mentally. I chose to love me regardless of the imperfections I saw in the mirror. I accepted my flaws and changed things that I just couldn’t accept. I unapologetically worked on me! It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

I cut my hair, started a YouTube channel, told my truth, begin to write again, begin to read again, accepted my flaws, danced, sat on top of a jungle gym late at night with my boyfriend and bared my soul, I laughed, I cried, fell madly in love with myself and was unapologetically me!

I gave myself a year, a year of permission to be every thing that I thought I couldn’t be, doing things I thought I couldn’t do. Honestly, I exceeded my own expectations by not placing any expectations on myself. I gave myself permission to be me and God it feels so good.

I love me! I love being me! I love being with me! Whoa, that was powerful. Loving myself and putting myself first was not easy at first. I’m use to putting others before me. It’s just the type of person I am. Putting yourself is not selfish, it’s necessary!