“I’m reading into this, aren’t I?” Myrtlewing asked, his tail sweeping across the den floor as an attempt to alleviate his thoughts, that hadn’t stopped racing since Aldereyes licked his head earlier that day. It was night now, with the only sound being the distant chirps of crickets and croaks of frogs. 

Well, there was a closer sound. Hickoryskip was gasping, little more than silent wheezes. Myrtlewing lay roughly a tail-length from where he was struggling to breath. His mentor had retired long ago. It hadn’t even been Myrtlewing's doing!--though if he had been in position longer, it probably would have been. It had made Myrtlewing’s….activities help go unnoticed. Afterall, it was hard enough to believe one’s medicine cat could hurt their Clanmates, but that his mentor never noticed? Impossible!

If Myrtlewing ever ‘needed help’ healing a Clanmate, he would seek Hickoryskip’s advice, and in doing so strengthened the trust his mentor had in him. Then, if anyone would inquire into Myrtlewing’s hobbies, old Hickoryskip could vouch for him.

But again, Hickoryskip had retired long ago, meaning that Myrtlewing had been in his Clanmates’ deepest trust for just as long. He didn’t need the old tom anymore, so there was no point in saving him now as he choked on simple herbs. There was also the matter of Hickoryskip’s own mentor, Gorsedaisy, but no one really listened to her these days anyway.

“Grooming is commoner than purring! It’s a whole part of the day even. But this was different, wasn’t it? It wasn’t settling down and sharing tongues. It was a quick thing, and the way he left was so strange. Like something awkward had just happened. What do you think?”

Hickoryskip only stared at him from wide, blood-shot eyes and gasped some more.

“Hmm,” Myrtlewing responded. “It’s not like I’m afraid to ask him. But he’s the only cat in this whole Clan actually worth caring for. I don’t want to risk losing my only source of enjoyment outside of killing. There must be some other way to know for sure that he meant it in a…non-platonic way. But how?” He sighed. At the same time, Hickoryskip stilled, slumping against the floor. “I guess I’ll just have to pay attention to his next move.”

Then he stood and le let out a panicked yowl.

—--------------------------------

Initially, Aldereyes wasn’t sure why he had licked Myrtlewing, or what his reaction meant to himself. But when it came to two things: not being with Myrtlewing romantically and the opposing choice, he relied on his body’s reaction, seeing as his thoughts could not make up their mind.

When he thought of the former, his chest felt cold, like his heart was bleeding freezing water, while his gut constricted as though it had been hit. The latter made him feel warm, buzzing energy flowing through his every muscle. It still felt like an odd choice to make, but it was a choice he was going to make: he would be with Myrtlewing. 

As soon as he made that choice, doubts began to creep in. This time, it was not of his own reaction, but of Myrtlewing’s. What if he really had just meant the flower as a ‘gesture’ of some sort that wasn’t romantic? The seconds Aldereyes allowed himself to gauge Myrtlewing’s reaction after licking the fur between his ears had shown him that Myrtlewing was surprised. But that didn’t necessarily mean the approach was unwanted, only unexpected.

So he had to let Myrtlewing know that he reciprocated his feelings, but not enough so that if he was wrong he embarrassed himself and, worse, damaged the relationship they already had going on. Myrtlewing was the only one in the Clan that seemed to really see Aldereyes as who he was, and not just as another Clanmate you’re inherently supposed to bond with. The only exception might be Hootpetal, but that was way too early to say.

The obvious would be nicknames. Now that he and Myrtlewing were–possibly–courting, he couldn’t call the medicine cat an idiot anymore. Not all the time, at least. It wouldn’t be right. 

He also couldn’t refer to Myrtlewing as ‘sweetheart,’ ‘darling,’ or something of the like. No, he had to find something else. Something affectionate, but also not necessarily romantic–in case Myrtlewing didn’t want to be such or to avoid some of their Clanmates from bothering them about their relationship. A second buzz of excitement whirled through Aldereyes at the idea of their bond being secret, though he wasn’t quite sure why. He assumed it was the same reason apprentices sneak out at night, the idea of doing something looked down on and not getting caught fun. 

But that could wait for another time. Now he had to decide on a nickname. Myrtlewing….myrtle was a tree….Tree? Aldereyes shivered. Nope, too close to his mother’s name, too weird….Wing……..Birds have wings….Bird? 

He imagined himself saying it. ‘Hey, Bird.’ ‘How’s the Bird feeling?’ and, when and if their relationship becomes surer, he could potentially add ‘my.’ ‘My bird, join me for a hunt!’ 

At the back of his mind, a happy swirl warmed him some more. He wasn’t very conscious of it, but the idea of calling Myrtlewing ‘my,’ of the tom belonging to him in a way that was permissive and trustful over possessive, deepened his resolve to reciprocate the feelings.

Yes! That is what he will use. 

Then a panicked yowl sounded from the medicine den.

============================

--Reading can mean different things, so for this case let’s assume Myrtle means it as ‘watching something carefully’ and not the human action of it.

Thank you!

hmm...I actually don't know for certain. I have an idea, but why not see what the people think?

Aldereyes stuck to his promise.

His heart beat so quickly he began to worry that it would burst. At the same time it felt like it already had, splattering with a cold blood that coated his ribs and drowned his lunges. But he refused to say anything that might make Myrtlewing change his mind. He had to see.

He followed closely behind Myrtlewing, who too casually padded through the pine trees and onto open grass. 

Every so often, Myrtlewing would ask him if he wanted to turn back, and everytime, Aldereyes had to tell him ‘no’ quickly enough so that his trepidation didn’t answer for him first and cause him to race back to his nest in the warriors’ den.

He had never been part of someone’s murder, not deliberately or with planning. He was going to allow Myrtlewing’s killing of a completely innocent cat, he was going to watch and do nothing. He was going to allow someone’s life to end, someone who might have a family expecting them to return home, just to calm his own thoughts.

He should be revolted with himself. He should need to vomit at simply seeing his own reflection in a puddle for what he will be allowing to happen. But in spite of the anxiety, it didn’t feel that that was the case at all. If anything, it almost felt like….excitement. 

Aldereyes pushed that thought away as soon as that word entered his mind. No, it was just an unfamiliar feeling that he wasn’t used to, so his brain is trying to put a name to it. 

He was walking with Myrtlewing, something they had done again and again for moons, but it was so different now. Then, he didn’t know the horrors the medicine cat was capable of. Then, he was only his goofy, well-meaning, clumsy friend. Then, he hadn’t watched Myrtlewing walk, knowing that he had the intention of killing someone. It almost felt as though he were walking with a completely different cat. Every movement he made, the soft way his paws landed on the ground, his gentle breathing, the quiver of his whiskers, were all the movements of a killer.

But this was still Myrtlewing, and even though a large part of him is vastly different than the Myrtlewing in Aldereye’s head, he still somehow manages to be the closest thing to a friend that Aldereyes has in the Clan. He is the one, when the camp is attacked, that Aldereyes checks first to make sure he’s okay. He is the one, when Aldereyes gets hungry, that he wants to eat with. He is the one that Aldereyes goes to first when he’s upset, he’s the one he drags on hunting patrols or training sessions even though Myrtlewing is a medicine cat and doesn’t technically need to fulfill those duties, because it’s Myrtlewing and Aldereyes always wants him there with him and no one else, even if Aldereyes was never able to admit it to himself until that damned flower.

It was that flower that caused Aldereyes to realize just what he felt for the stupid medicine cat, but now that he had come to terms with his own feelings, it felt right. There was no other way to say it, wanting to be in a romantic relationship with Myrtlewing caused his body to feel grounded and allowed his soul to fly above the clouds.

Then he found out what he did.

He wished so badly that he could feel differently, but even knowing–even seeing–he still felt the same way. That’s what makes it all the more harder.

“Earth to Aldereyes!” Aldereyes jerked up to see that Myrtlewing had stopped and was now facing him.

“What?” Myrtlewing gestured ahead. Aldereyes joined his side. A holly bush blocked their path. “We’ll have to find a way around.” 

Myrtlewing shook his head. “No. Look over.”

Giving Myrtlewing a confused look, Aldereyes raised onto his hindlegs and peered over the bush. About two tree-lengths away was a small, probably abandoned Thunderpath. Beyond it was an open grassy field, and–oh Stars–a cat.

They were too far to see if they were a tom or a she-cat, but close enough to see that it was a grey tabby, and that the butterfly they were chasing through the long grass was purple. Aldereyes decided to focus on his breathing and not on the thoughts that threatened to overwhelm him. Lowering himself down, he noticed a gap in the leaves at the bottom of the bush that he and Myrtlewing could crawl through. Taking a deep breath, he began to crawl under.

“Hey!” He hissed when his tail was pulled. Whipping around, he glared at Myrtlewing.

Myrtlewing met his eyes, a shadow over his own. “You know what’s going to happen to that cat. I won’t judge you for wanting to go back, or hold it against you for judging me for wanting to stay. You can go back to camp, and take me with you if this is too hard. Last chance.”

Aldereyes began to speak, but no words came. This time, he allowed for the full implication, for the full everything, to soak in. Did he really want to see this? Did he really want to be part of this? Even if he didn’t take part in the murder himself, he was still allowing it to happen. 

In order:

--A gesture

--Feelings?!

--Lick

--Doubts and Confusion

--Trying to Comfort You, Idiot

--Fishing, Falling

--Early Patrol

--Caught

and then showing Myrtle chapters

no current plans to have someone else draw something, but if someone offered, I'd be all for it. Even if it's not for the next chapter