As I listen to, and look at, people’s different ideas and opinions on New Year’s Resolutions all I think about is how negative most of it is and how bad 2017 was for them and I’d have to say that for me, personally, 2017 wasn’t bad at all. It started off difficult, yes, but not bad. I was still in San Saba, Texas at the women’s unit out there. I was still in a hard ass bunk surrounded by negative, disrespectful, mess-starting females. I was still eating waaay too much beans and rice than should be legal in anyone’s diet because that’s the cheapest meal they can feed us. I was still missing my family and friends and James; hoping to get even one piece of mail from someone/anyone once a week. I was unable to talk to anyone on the outside because no one had set up the phone for me. I was still crossing my fingers every single time it came around for us to go to commissary. And I was still completely unsure of where I was going to go when I got out, who was going to be around, how I was going to get a job, how I was going to get to said job, what kind of parole officer I was going to get, wondering if my family/friends were going to forgive me. All of these things are not only completely natural for every single person in there to think about and worry about, but it’s also encouraged to think and worry about these things so that you take that time to try to come up with some kind of basic plan mentally for yourself. Well, early on in my “stay”, I found my faith in God. I found it in a way I never had before. And yes, most people DO find their faith in God when they’re locked up because they have nothing else and it just seems fitting to start praying your way out of there. But it was different for me, and I knew it was the moment that I had that epiphany moment. I knew that this was going to be something that changed my life forever. So I spent the rest of my time as I mentioned above, but with grace. Just because I was surrounded by those negative, simple-minded (no offense to anyone-but if the shoe fits) rude, entitled, ungrateful, selfish, greedy people, I didn’t let them rub-off their bad ju-ju on me. I shared everything I had with WHOEVER needed it, even though I was told by multiple parties to do the exact opposite. I ate all the wrong things, but I worked out DAILY. Intense workouts too. Not only was it good for me to stay moving and get the blood flowing which was not encouraged because of the close-proximity of everything in the dorm, but because it was good for my mind, my soul. I missed my family and friends and James, so I prayed for them all the time. I wasn’t sure if anyone would truly be able to forgive me, so I asked God to forgive me. That’s the most important part of forgiveness. And I knew He forgave me. I didn’t get much mail, but I did send it. I colored my pages and designed silly cards. Not just for myself, but for others around me so that they could spread joy to their loved ones that were writing them. I didn’t get to talk on the phone, but that’s ok. I tried everyday to see if anyone had set up an account, but I wasn’t devastated or angry that no one had. Most of the time, I had money on my commissary account, by the grace of God, so even though it wasn’t as much as some people, I almost always had the absolute most necessary things. And, luckily, I did befriend a few wonderful women and we all shared what we had when we needed it. (Thank ya’ll, and love you ladies!) Everyone has to take an “exit class” called “Changes” starting a few months before they get out, and in that class I learned a lot about all of those things we worry about in there regarding our situation upon release. They have the BEST teacher for that class. So honest, so real, so patient. And she, along with some of the girls I did get along with in my dorm, helped me through those anxieties. Helped me realize that only a select few know exactly where they’re going when they get out. The rest of us can do the basic planning, and then we have to trust the process. So I did. I trusted God. It turns out, my father had responded when parole came calling all those months back and had agreed to me staying there when I got out. I was absolutely shocked! God worked in him in ways I never could have imagined. It was very difficult at first. We fought a lot. But we got through it. My family and the friends that mattered, forgave me with no question. I had clothes. I had a vehicle. I had a great p.o., I had a n.a. meeting around the corner, and I had a job. A JOB!! My own company more specifically. Allbeit I didn’t know the first thing about cleaning carpets, but God delivered again! He sent me someone that helped me learn the process and get my first few customers. It took some time to get this company going, but it eventually did. Slooowly but surely. And then Harvey hit. Devastating. Devastating for us, and for millions of other people all across the gulf coast. This is when it gets even more amazing. When I first got out, the very next weekend in fact, Theresa invited me to a women’s retreat with her church. I had been to this church years before and it just wasn’t for me. At that time. But when she asked me to go this time, I decided that I needed to give it another shot. It’s funny because when I was still locked up, I would write to James and tell him how the idea of organized religion still did absolutely nothing for me and that I doubted that I would be going to church. HAAA Anyways, I went to the retreat, and I fell in love. With the women, the fellowship, the idea. And I’ve gone every week and every other chance I get since. Well, I got an email from one of the pastors during Harvey asking for an update from everyone. I didn’t even hesitate. I immediately replied as I was standing in 12 inch water inside my home. That’s my church family and although I had only been going for like 6 months at that point, I knew that didn’t matter. He wanted to know how we were. I got a response within minutes, maybe less. Since then, we have been on a very strict first name basis. I love my pastors. I love my church. I love every single person there. We had people show up that I hadn’t even met before to help with the carnage. Moving stuff, packing stuff, throwing stuff out. People stepped up because that’s what God wants us to do for one another. A big majority of my business has come from people in my church. I have real relationships with people in my church. I am currently sitting on the couch in the home of one of the family’s of my church, house-sitting for them. The church made a fund from donations that they had received for Harvey victims. They gave me total of $4000 over a 2 month period. I have never experience any such thing. That is God. It has been rough after Harvey. We had to move to an apartment. Much smaller than the house. But it’s really not small at all, and it’s literally one door down from my best-friend and her beautiful baby girl that she had in September. The most amazing gift. I am totally and utterly in love with that baby. Something I never ever thought I would say. We lost all of our furniture, but we gained all new furniture donated from Hope Impacts, an organization that helps homeless people with resources they never could have found on their own. I know I’m not homeless, but someone from my church works for this organization and took it upon herself to help us out!! That is God. All of my clothes were lost, but I have been able to slowly recollect and I couldn’t have done it without my church family and the business I have gotten from them. That is God. God has moved and continues to move in my life in ways that are, sometimes, almost unbelievable. Amazing. Beautiful. So, although 2017 hasn’t been what most would call “ideal”, it has been so full of love and friends and family and forgiveness. That is God. I am sober, I am moving along with parole, I am safe, I am full, I am loved, I am grateful. So for 2018, it is not a resolution that I am looking for. It is a movement. A movement to love. To love those I come into contact with on a daily basis. The store clerks, the homeless, the scared, the proud, the woman in line holding a baby that is screaming at the top of her lungs in my ear for no good reason, the mailman, my customers. To love thy neighbor, is to love God. Which is the most important love of all. Thank you 2017, for teaching me to love. And hello 2018, I’m going to love you.