Today was an okay day. Well, no it was a great day! But I had a few moments where I just felt so upset and scared. I don't know what has gotten into me. It's not like a bad thing really. I don't want to be a jealous girlfriend and I never want to be the bad guy. I am really head over heels for Ricky. Everyday my love for him grows more and more. I couldn't be happier with him. Every morning I wake up with a huge smile on my face as he snores next to me. He officially gave me his heart and I gave mine to him. I will always take care of that heart, and make sure nothing ever happens to it.

Today I kind of got jealous. Well, more uncomfortable. Someone wanted to cuddle Ricky. It just didn't settle with me well. I feel bad even though I shouldn't. It's just I love him a lot. They have a little bit of history and it's not that I don't trust Ricky, because I trust him with my entire life. i just always considered cuddling to be a sort of sacred thing, maybe I am old fashioned but I just I don't want someone else cuddling my boyfriend. Hugs are one thing and a little like hold for a minute or two is okay to an extent, but cuddling? No. I don't know I just was scared. I really want Ricky to hang out with his friends, I do. I am not a jealous bitch or anything. I just am protective.

On the bright side, there are a few things I am really excited for. 1. Balz and Angel's wedding! I am so excited for them! They are so cute together and I just know their wedding will be perfect. 2. Soundwave. I am so excited! I get to see my favorite band in the whole entire planet with my boyfriend! Ahhh I am gonna scream when I see Slipknot, I already know it. The last time I saw them was Ozzfest when I was in high school. Not only that but my boyfriend is actually touring with Marilyn Manson. I am so fucking proud of him! 3. Valentines' Day. That's their wedding day but I am excited for it anyways because it is my second favorite holiday! 4. UM NEW YEARS DAY IS TOURING WITH BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR AND WILLIAM CONTROL! I love my job and it's going to be perfect basically. Can't wait to hang out with my girls Ashley and Angel everyday! I am gonna drag Ricky on tour for a couple of days and make him watch William Control with me! It's going to be a romantic evening. I already am planning it all out. 5. The new Bleeding Through record, it's perfect. Enough said.

The whole past week has been insane. What an amazing start to 2012! My new year was fairly uneventful, had a couple of friends over and watched MTV and played Just Dance 3. Lame right? Yeah. Definitely. A couple of weeks ago I decided that it was time for me to find a second job. I have a bunch of money saved up to pay for rent, which isn't a huge issue, but with New Years Day in the studio, I am not doing a whole lot. It's nice to get out there and do something though, as much as I love sleeping in everyday and doing pretty much nothing, there is nothing better than coming home after a hard day of working.

I got a job as a makeup artist for MAC cosmetics. I mostly do freelance, but I am going to see if I can be trained to work in the store as well, at least for when I am off tour. I'm not 100% sure yet. It depends. Anyways, yesterday I took a more natural makeup look class through MAC. It was kind of amazing, my model turned out flawless! I wish I could pull off a more natural look but then again, it's not really my style. Today I am taking a more goth look class. I am extremely excited for this one! I can't wait for more classes, I am taking as many as I can so I can really begin working on expanding my portfolio and really make some good money.

One more exciting change happened in my life recently, which I still can't stop fucking smiling about. I got a boyfriend. It was kind of weird how it happened I mean it kind of just took off right away, but I am not complaining. Ricky and I have this huge connection that I don't think a lot of people understand. Sometimes there are moments where I swear we read each others minds. While he's in LA recording, he's staying at my apartment. We started calling everything 'ours' and it's so fucking cute. Bowie has really warmed up to him and I am pretty sure he now loves Ricky more than me.

It's weird to say that I am in love, especially so soon. But I don't regret it because I am so happy. Sometimes I wish I could spend every moment with him. When I'm not with him, I am thinking about him and want to be with him constantly. He has this way of giving me butterflies. It feels like when you are like 12 and find your first crush. That wave of feelings and emotions are what he gives me. Chris keeps trying to predict our engagement/wedding, which really cracks me up. I really hope I can get to know the rest of the guys well. Chris and I already know each other pretty well since he's always visiting NYD on tour, but I'd love to meet the rest of the guys and hopefully get along with them.

But yeah, I am gonna take a little nap now before my class in a few hours.