#myints journal

Some of you may be wondering how I was able to survive being wiped out by a presumably very powerful angel if none of the others were strong enough. Alas, the answer is sheer luck and prayer. I was spared because I was not there when they slaughtered the rest of us. And I was lucky enough to have decent enough hunting skills that I did not perish due to starvation. I did, however, come very close to death. Not by accident. I felt that I didn’t deserve to be the one who survived by simply being lost in the woods.

Ah, I suppose I should talk about what happened that day now, so that you understand. See, it is tradition for women to hunt for food, and for the men to cook it. Ma was the village’s main hunter. She would find food and give it to the relevant department of the council, who would distribute it around the village. Ma wasn’t supposed to have any more food than any other family, but she was sneaky and the council relied on her too much. It was a good thing she did that, though, because the council’s rations would not have fed me, my siblings, my parents AND my cousins.

At some point, Ma wanted us to start hunting for our own food. That way, she’d be less likely to get in trouble for hoarding food, and we’d be able to take her role when we were older. So, (name) and (name) became my hunting teachers. They didn’t just teach me how to hunt - they taught me how to survive. Because they had managed to survive as little kids for 7 years. They had gone into hiding during the civil war after their makeshift home got wrecked, and ended up holed in a cave. The same cave I ended up staying in. My continued survival is likely due to them.

I digress once more. That awful day, we were supposed to go out hunting, as per usual. But, I was a child filled with too much curiosity. And they weren’t keeping an eye. So I started chasing after what I thought was an animal. Prey. A prize for my friends and family. Instead, I lost it, and my way. No-one had taken me this deep into the forest I was in before. And these trees were tall and thick. I thought I would never be free from there. That I would be trapped forever.

I could not have known that the real trap was much more sinister than that forest.

When I finally got out of that green hellscape, I smelt the fresh sting of blood. Metallic, yet with a citrusy touch.

Nephilim blood.

In the time I had been stuck in the forest doing god knows what, my village had been plundered and everyone I knew had been slaughtered.

And I didn’t do a damn thing.

You can now understand why I felt as if I didn’t deserve to survive, correct? I didn’t even help fight. I understand that if I did, I would have surely died, but would it not be better to die a fighter than to live as a foolish child?

I do not feel like continuing this entry. I shall end it here.

As I begin to post my journal entries here, I realise that many of you will not even know what a Nephilim is. Allow me to explain.

Many years ago, there came angels. We called them Watchers, because they used to watch over us. Amongst them was their leader, Samyaza. They procreated with human women, and thus, we were born.

We have both angel and human blood in our veins. Biologically, we are very similar to humans, though we are much bigger, tougher and stronger than any of them combined would be. We could easily crush a small human neighbourhood. We also do not struggle as much to look at angels.

Some of us considered the Watchers to be our gods, but most of us were Christian and saw the Father as the true god. Many still considered the Watchers to be extremely important figures, though. Especially Samyaza. To many, he was essentially some sort of demigod. I personally view him as my creator. Not in a reverent way, but in a logical way. If not for him, I would not exist. Whether my existence is a good thing is another question.

I digress.

The early Nephilim were trained by some of Watchers. However, they all suddenly disappeared one day with no trace. None of us could find them. The humans living with us at the time refused to give us resources to live. With no other option, we had to turn to violence. Many records of us depict us as being lawless savages. Cannibals who only seek bloodshed. Wicked trolls. Monsters. We were completely dehumanised by them. Thus, we hesitate to call ourselves ‘human’ in any way. After all, why would we associate ourselves with those who hurt us.

Then, there was the civil war. We do not really know why it happened, but one day, the violence turned inwards and we were all at each other’s throats. Hundreds upon thousands died. But this did not kill us. I have come to suspect that this war was a punishment given from God for our lawlessness, as I cannot think of any other reason we would enter needless fighting. If that was the case, then why? We were dealt poor cards, and then punished for playing with those cards by the one who dealt them to us?

I am going off track. The civil war did not kill us. A selection of us - at least 15 - declared peace and opted to stop fighting. Instead, we built up our own civilisation from the remains of human civilisations we were forced to capture. We had a playground, a school, houses. A community.

And then that community was ripped from under my feet.

I will not elaborate on that day yet. Perhaps next time. But I will indulge you on what that life was like, for I actually lived it.

See, the history I told you up until the end of the civil war I did not live through. I was only brought to this world 36 years ago. This is what I learnt from the history classes at school, save for the spiels of Gadreel. This teacher was ancient, see. Old enough to have been able to actually see a Watcher. Our school was very small, by the way. Only one class, and three teachers. I went with all of my siblings and cousins.

I shall now introduce my family.

Vered. I am quite dear to her. She always begs to go hunting with me, but alas, she was always too young. It is from her that I got the idea of journaling from, though she often used her journals to talk about her love for Samyaza. I always questioned why she idolised someone she didn’t even know so much, but I never confronted her about it. Live and let live, I say.

Chaya. She’s very mischievous, although I’ve never minded it. She spices up otherwise plain days. She also had interest in the angels, though she cared more for the archangels Michael and Gabriel than she did for the Watchers. I wish I could tell her…

Neomah and Nediva. They were latecomers to our settlement. Apparently, they had escaped during the civil war to hide in a cave. The same one I later resided in. I wonder if they would have been the ones in my position in another universe.

And Tzvi. I remember very little about him, unfortunately. I wish I could tell you something besides typical baby matters like changing diapers, but I really cannot.

Not to forget Ma and Pa, of course. They managed to support all of us for so long and helped to improve the neighbourhood to make it pleasant for all of us.

How time flies.

I believe this is as much backstory as you will require about the Nephilim. If other information becomes relevant, I shall write about it in future entries.