#myblogs

It’s not often, in my knowledge, that two days after a blog is published, the writer may already have a good tether to a full fledged career. In my luck (which I never have too much of on a normal day), I’ve got my tether and my hopes are soaring farther than they ever have.

This hope, however, is also stressing me and weighing me down. I already have a job, a daughter, a blog (of course), and am getting ready to move into an apartment alone. There’s only so much I should really be throwing on my plate. But I admit, I’ve never been one to give up easy. And being this close to something I’ve always dreamed of? Feels pretty nice. Worrying, stressing, overthinking, those are all just side jobs in my brain right now.

Does anyone else know that particular feeling, when something great happens, and it seems as if when you walk you’re not touching the ground? You know you are, but the feeling isn’t there. It just seems surreal. You feel strong. You feel like nothing is going to burn or collapse around you for once (if you’ve ever felt that, I’m sorry, it’s the worst, fuck anxiety). You just simply feel so good that you’re radiating good.

In my experience, the feeling never lasts long. This time, though, I plan on making it last. For myself and my daughter and the future I want as a published and official writer. I want my name out there, I want my dream. No matter the worry or stress or confusion, the happy outweighs it all.

That doesn’t mean I won’t have bad days. I’m well versed in my bad days. I can see where they’re coming from and when they’re gonna hit, and I know I can only soften the blow, not stop it fully (not for lack of trying). But, as cliche as it is, the bad days can’t win. They just can’t. When you’re survived so much already and something you’ve always wanted is this close to reach, the bad days gotta go.